Never Too Late
by spiritmccinnamon
Summary: After an 'epiphany' the day of her wedding to Edward, Bella is able to explore a romantic relationship with Jacob, at last, only to be given a warning that changes her future. She leaves, and returns years later to find things are not as expected...
1. Necessary

Author's note (they will **never** be this long again):

I need to clear a few things up.

Warnings: sexual content, language, very little violence. I'll provide warnings for sexual content in the chapters it's in.

This is definitely Pro-Team Jacob. If you expect Edward/Bella to end up together, it's definitely not going to happen, so leave now if you don't support that. This is AU, which means _Breaking Dawn_ doesn't exist, meaning Nessie doesn't exist/Jacob hasn't imprinted.

All graphics and videos for this story will soon be found in my photo bucket account and my Jacob-Black-n-Pack group for this story. Those links are in my profile.

I do not intend for any of this to copy other fan fiction. I did draw inspiration from fan fiction I've read, but I'm trying to make this **mine**. So, I apologize in advance if you think I'm copying your story. I'M NOT. I don't support that type of shit. The characters you recognize belong to Stephenie Meyer. Lyrics from songs will be posted at the beginning, throughout, and at the end of several chapters; they aren't mine either and I'll let you know the song and artist each time.

Be nice when you review. Encouragement is always welcomed. I'm nervous about this story and I hope you'll like it. **No flames**. Give this story a chance…you may find you won't regret reading it =)

-Mel

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(**READ**: Because fan fiction has issues with author's notes by themselves, what's below is, in a way, another 'preface,' even though the **official** preface is the chapter after this one (_Preface: Breakdown_). This particular excerpt is from a much later chapter. My chapters are **never**going to be this short- this is an _**excerpt**_. Do not ask me what's going on; you'll have to read to find out ;) FYI: 'She' is Bella.)

_The not too distant future_

_(Jacob's POV)_

I always asked myself why I let these thoughts take me over. It was too much to handle sometimes. We were done, even though a part of me, small, stored away deep inside, wanted nothing more for it to be farfrom over.

Things had happened that were beyond my control, and I didn't see us ever being _one _again.

Yet, I began to reconsider that thought, when fate decided to smack me in the face shortly after NYU's graduation and she was abruptly thrown back into my life again.

And that was when things got complicated.

Because, for the first time in my life, the moment I saw her again, I didn't know what I wanted.


	2. Preface: Breakdown

Disclaimer: What you recognize belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Lyrics: Broken- Lifehouse.

* * *

**Preface: Breakdown**

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing_

_With a broken heart that's still beating_

_In the pain, there is healing_

_In your name I find meaning_

_Around 4 years Post-Eclipse_

_(Bella's POV)_

The pain was _excruciating_.

I stumbled out of my car, disoriented.

I had always been weak…but this…**this** was something else.

The anger, the hurt, the _betrayal_ was too much to bear. I had _never _felt like this.

I've been numb before, but to actually _feel_ the sheer heartbreak was something I had never experienced, at least not to this intensity.

I forced open the door to my apartment, grasping at my hair, attempting to try to feel some other form of pain, while simultaneously trying not to stumble into my counters and furniture.

I threw my coffee table as far as my body would allow it to go. The glass shattered and the tiny pieces scattered across the floor. I shoved the glasses, magazines, and books that littered the dining room table to the floor.

Leaning against the wall for support, I couldn't cry…I _wouldn't_ allow myself to.

_Allowing _was out of the question…the emotions coursing through me were _overwhelming_. I felt like I was _suffocating_ from them.

I couldn't breathe. I wrapped my arms around my upper body in hopes to somehow relive the tension that had built up in my chest and finally release a relaxing breath, just to calm myself down.

I was _hyperventilating_.

I struggled with the knob on my bathroom door, turning it as I fell forward and supported myself on the sink, gripping its edges with my hands.

I felt a stirring in my stomach and barely made it to the toilet in time, heaving the non-existent contents of my stomach out. I crawled back up to the sink, my legs trembling.

My eyes met my reflection as the tears streamed down my face, staining my red flushed cheeks. I refused to let anymore fall as my blood shot, chocolate brown eyes, stared back at me.

My attempts failed…I couldn't hold the tears back any longer.

I collapsed against the wall, bringing my knees to my chest. I rocked myself back and forth.

The sobs swept through my body uncontrollably as one final thought crossed my mind, the one thing that had caused this reaction that I'd never had in my twenty-three years of existence…

_He wasn't mine anymore._

_So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on_

_I'm barely holdin' on to you_

* * *

(A/N: The chapters will be much longer than this, and you will see the more detailed version of this scene when it makes its reappearance later. Pay attention to the time frames at the beginning of each chapter. **Reviews are wanted.**)


	3. Epiphany

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns what you recognize. Lyrics: Leave Out All the Rest- Linkin Park

(A/N: Pay attention to the date at the beginning of this chapter. The preface is years ahead (in this story's plot), and now we're going back in time. From now on, the story will continue on from this date, besides the few flashbacks I have planned. I DID take some little things that happened in _Breaking Dawn_ and incorporated them into this story, but they're so minor that it isn't a big deal.)

* * *

**Chapter 1: Epiphany**

_After my dreaming,_

_I woke with this fear_

_What am I leaving,_

_When I'm done here?_

_Shortly after Eclipse: late June_

_The night before the wedding_

_(Bella's POV)_

I couldn't sleep. My thoughts were too active for me to even try to keep my eyes closed for more than a few seconds. Daring a glance at the clock on the end table next to me, I slammed my head into my pillow after noticing it was nearly 4 in the morning. I turned onto my back and stared blankly at the ceiling, attempting to rub the sleep out of my eyes.

I didn't like this…not being able to succumb to the darkness of unconsciousness, which made me wonder how I could handle that as a vampire- the not being able to sleep part.

It gave me too much time to _think._ And the direction my thoughts always led to were Ja-…_him_. And that was why I kept myself occupied by helping with the guest list, giving friends and family invites in person, deciding on color schemes, all of which were my _favorite_ things in the world to do. (Please, note my sarcasm). Thankfully, Alice had taken over and was making final preparations.

In fact, although I couldn't hear her, Alice was, as of tonight, decorating the entireCullen house, my future home, where I happened to have been staying for the past few days.

I figured they would have heard me shuffling around in the bed by now.

Edward, Emmett, Jasper, and Carlisle had been gone for the past few days, having their own version of a bachelor party. I was quite appalled at the idea of Edward having a bachelor party, until he explained to me that hunting was what qualified as a bachelor party in his terms. Needless to say, I was relieved. Alice practically begged me for a bachelorette party, but I refused; the wedding and reception were going to be extravagant enough. Not that I'd been able to see much of anything; Alice promised to surprise me in the morning. I did surrender just a little though, and my bachelorette party turned into 'a day at the spa, Alice Cullen style.' She took me out, along with Esme and Rosalie, to get me pampered- everything from visiting a masseuse, to some painful waxing (I cringed at the reminder) and _lingerie. Way to make me feel embarrassed, Alice. _

I wasn't going to complain. I was getting what I wanted: Edward. I'd have him for an eternity,_ literally_. My heart picked up speed at the thought and I couldn't help but grin as the warmth flooded through me. I was getting _married_, committing myself to two different eternities, within several hours.

Just as I finally managed to find myself slipping into the lull of sleep, I heard the door open.

"Bella," a soft, musical voice whispered to me.

Rosalie.

I faced the door abruptly and sat up in the bed. "Rosalie? What…?"

She brought a finger to her mouth, signaling me to keep quiet, as she glided to the side of the bed, as far from me as possible.

This scene was familiar. Not too long ago she came to the edge of a couch in Edward's room to tell me the dreadful, downright depressing story of her life before she was turned against her will. "Rosalie, what are you…? Where are Alice and Esme?"

"Out of earshot. I promise," she replied, voice barely a whisper. She fidgeted with a loose thread on the quilt and then turned her gaze to me. I leaned back at the utter intensity of her golden eyes.

"Don't go through with this. Please."

She was pleading with me. I opened my mouth to speak, but stopped myself, letting her continue.

She shifted closer. "Bella, _please_. You know I don't like you…" I flinched. I was well aware of that. It's not like I was too fond of her either.

Her voice steadily rose. "But, what you're doing…you don't realize how much you're giving up…how much you're _sacrificing_." She slowly got to her feet. I blinked to find her standing across the room, touching my wedding dress that hung in the corner.

I took that as an opportunity to cut in. I kept my voice low. "We've been over this before. I made my decision. I want to be with Edward. _Forever_. He's…" I crawled to the edge of my bed and cautiously made my way over to her. I met her eyes. The look in them was so gut wrenching that I knew if she was able to shed tears over the memories of the life she lost, she would at this very moment. "He's _everything_ to me, Rosalie. I am _nothing_ without him. I love him with everything that I am. He holds my heart."

"Not all of it," she snapped.

I staggered back a step.

_Jacob._

Although I tried to conceal my emotions, my voice wasn't steady. "It doesn't matter anymore," I muttered, squeezing my eyes shut.

She had already left the room when I opened my eyes.

* * *

_The day of the wedding_

I woke to the sunlight streaming through the windows. The forecast said the sun would be out all day, so thank God the wedding was going to be in the evening.

Not even a second later, Alice came barreling into the room, beaming. "Bella!" I smiled. Alice's personality was infectious. I was hardly able to sit up when I found myself hauled to my feet and in her arms, receiving a light hug by her standards.

Gawking at her appearance, I felt underdressed, below average. She was completely dressed. Her cropped brown hair was styled, her face was done up with makeup, not that she needed any, and she was wearing her strapless bridesmaid dress. It was a deep blue and fell just past her knees. "A-Alice, you look…"

She grabbed my hand before I could finish and dragged me into the bathroom, practically squealing with excitement. "There's no time for that!" I paused and gave her a puzzled expression. She rolled her eyes. "Bella, it's almost three!"

My eyes widened. "Shit!" I cupped my mouth as the word slipped out. I took off and ran back towards the guest bedroom, where my wedding dress was hanging to the left of the mirror. I'd barely made it back to the bedroom when I felt Alice's cold, tiny hand, smaller than my own petite hand, clutch my wrist and tug me back to the bathroom.

I was seated in front of the mirror. Taking in my features, I looked like a mess. My wavy, brown hair was a frizzy mass on my head, my face paler than usual due to a restless sleep, and my clothing rumpled.

Alice kneeled in front of me, distracting me from my observation of my reflection. "Let's make you a gorgeous bride, shall we?"

_Oh no. _

* * *

_When my time comes_

_Forget the wrong that I've done_

_Help me leave behind some_

_Reasons to be missed_

_Don't resent me_

_And when you're feeling empty_

_Keep me in your memory_

_Leave out all the rest_

After completing my makeup and hair, I convinced Alice to show me the decorations she'd took the time to put up.

She had truly gone all out.

White and gold covered the house from head to toe. The ceremony was to be held outside and several tiny white lights covered the trees, including those that lined the long road that led up to the Cullen's house.

The sun was setting, illuminating the landscape beautifully. The guests had started to arrive. I caught a glimpse of my mother and father carrying on what appeared to be a civil conversation with each other, and speaking with Carlisle and Esme. My lips curved into a small smile. _They were getting along_. My dad was even dressed in a tux. _I never thought I'd see the day. _

Alice wrapped an arm around me. "I know you want to talk to them, but wait..." She whispered into my ear. She captured my face between her chilled hands. "I want them to be shocked when they see you."

I allowed myself to be led back up to the guest bedroom.

Edward and the 'boys' had returned a few hours earlier from their trip, but Edward insisted he not see me until the wedding. _It __**is**__bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding_. I chuckled at the sweet gesture, delivered from Edward by Emmett.

Alice helped me into my dress and placed the veil on me head. She took a step back and observed 'her work,' as I rotated in a circle. Esme snuck in unnoticed, looking stunning in her long, dark blue dress, and she studied me as well. After hugging me and placing a kiss on my cheek, she said, in an undeniably tender voice, "You look beautiful, sweetheart." I shyly returned a smile. Alice giggled and clapped her hands. I blushed.

I still hadn't been able to see myself, all dolled up. There had been too much commotion.

Suddenly, Esme and Alice exchanged looks. Alice floated over to me. "It's almost time." Giving my hands one last gentle squeeze, she finished, reading my expression, "Don't worry. This is your day." She headed towards the door after shooting me a small smile. Twisting towards me, Esme spoke. "We'll leave you a moment to yourself." She retreated through the door behind Alice.

Finally.

As the door closed behind them, I met my reflection for the first time since earlier this afternoon.

Wow.

This couldn't be me. But it was me_. _Bella Marie Swan_._ The Future Bella Cullen. I didn't recognize myself. The white dress hugged my slim figure, giving the illusion of curves I knew I didn't possess. The dress was strapless, made of lace and silk, and it fell to the floor, trailing behind me. My veil had yet to cover my face and I was able to see Alice's effort. The entirely natural makeup she had decided on highlighted my features; the only hint of color was the faint, rose-pink that adorned my cheeks and lips, as well as the iridescent eye makeup. My hair fell in soft ringlets over my shoulders and across my back.

Admiring my reflection, that was when it hit me.

_Everything._

Everything that I'd been thinking about the past few months…everything I'd been trying not to think about… everything I'd thought about at separate times, but never all at once…_everything_ invaded my mind in one single moment.

The force of the blow to my conscience was so great, that I had to steady myself against the wall nearest to me.

It all happened in a matter of seconds. Each memory, each part of my life, everything that I was _sacrificing_.

Childhood memories. My dad's laugh. My mom's voice. My first day of school, ever. My friends from Phoenix and Forks. Angela. Even Mike Newton. La Push. The Pack. My first kiss as a child. Blushing at every compliment given to me. Riding a motorcycle. The beach. My parents, getting along. Children. Babies. Heat. Cold. Cooking dinner for Charlie and myself. Billy Black. Embry. Quil. Seth. The younger pack members. Rosalie, warning me. Shopping. Leah. Emily. Emily and Sam. Touring colleges. Graduating/ attending school only once. Laughter. Breathing. Relief. Freedom. Crying. Happiness. Living. Loving. Dying, surrounded by those I love. _Feeling_. The sun.

_Jacob_. His smile. His voice. His words. In wolf form. Holding my hand. Holding me**.** The tent. Jacob saving me, in more ways than one. Kissing him. Feeling his heartbeat. Feeling _my_ heartbeat. HIM. _My _Jacob. My Sun.

_Life. _

I realized I couldn't do this. Rosalie was right. I loved Edward, I always would. But I was sacrificing everythingthat made me who I am. I'd be abandoning my family, my friends, the pleasures a normal human life could bring, and Jacob.

I would not allow myself to become a monster, isolated from those I cared for, or to live with an eternity of regrets. After becoming a vampire, I wouldn't be _me_.

I had to get out of here, I had to leave, now. But, how?

Edward had told me, when I had just gotten to know him, that Alice's visions were subjective, meaning sometimes she can't always have them. It's not something she could conjure up at will. And if I changed my mind, I discovered, she wouldn't be able to "see" me until later. And if I was around certain immortal creatures, she couldn't look into my future either.

I thought fast, and scribbled down a note to Edward. As I left the room I slid out the front door, getting into my truck as the music started to play.

The bridal music. The music that would cue me to descend the stairs and greet my father, who would then take my hand and lead me to Edward.

_Edward_. My chest tightened, but I refused to surrender and run back inside. I had to be strong. I pulled out, making my way down the driveway.

Something told me, even if they knew what was happening, I wouldn't be stopped.

_Pretending_

_Someone can come and save me from myself_

_I can't be who you are_

_I can't be who you are_

* * *

(A/N: Just a little snippet: When I was reading the books, I imagined the Cullen's house to be more classical, kind of like the house in the movie 'The Notebook,' instead of modern like it was depicted in the Twilight movie)


	4. Escape

Disclaimer: I'm not Stephenie Meyer. The characters you don't recognize are mine. Lyrics: Thinking of You- Katy Perry

(A/N: **Thanks for the reviews, faves, and alerts!** I did my research- In Twilight, at the beginning, Bella takes a flight from Seattle to Port Angeles…so I used that as a reference for the flight she takes. According to Expedia, it's about a 5 hour flight from Seattle to Atlanta; I estimated a flight time (keep in mind the time difference between east and west coast!))

* * *

**Chapter 2: Escape**

_You're the best_

_And yes I do regret_

_How I could let myself_

_Let you go_

_Now the lesson is learned_

_I touched it, I was burned_

_Oh I think you should know_

_(Seth's POV)_

I still hadn't figured out what had possessed me to come here, on this day, to _this_ house (a grand one, I might add, a freaking mansion compared to the box my family lived in). Oh, right, it was all Edward; He'd invited me, in person. I'd only agreed because he and I had come to a sort of acquaintance after the battle with Victoria, where I fought alongside him. I came to this wedding as a sort of obligation to Edward; I felt I owed him.

The packs reaction to my decision was so predictable. I'd almost been torn to shreds by Sam when he peered into my mind and caught that I planned to go to the wedding with permission from the Cullen's and without discussing my _scheming_ with him. Jacob definitely would have kicked my ass without hesitation. Oh, that's right, he'd been gone for_freaking_ever. Thank God. He was vicious as a wolf.

I knew Embry, Leah, Quil, and Julius were plotting something in hopes to find him, but every time any member of the pack would get even a glimpse of their thoughts, they'd change them immediately. I felt so left out.

Shit, I'd be completely up to the idea of seeking out Jacob, if any of us had a clue where he was. It was driving the pack insane, and Sam was pissed that Jacob had defied him.

What_thefuck_ever. Didn't Jacob have, like, Alpha blood in him? Obviously.

Now see, that's what happens when you hang around a bunch of teenage boys. Leah had taken to popping the back of my head every time I let a single crude word slip out. I'd place the blame on the pack's influence, particularly Jacob. Jacob had a foul mouth. I hated provoking him. He was almost as bad as Paul.

Jacob had every right to be resentful. Poor guy has had his heart ripped to pieces, more than enough times, by the same girl.

It was hot, sweltering. I was sweating through the shirt and tie my mother had made me wear. I was a freaking werewolf; this weather was like a sauna. The fact that it was nightfall didn't make any difference to me.

Oh, the side effects of being an _animal._

Sam had grudgingly shown up to protect me. Emily came for Bella and to soothe Sam if the time called for it.

Honestly, Sam could probably care less about what happened to me. He was here for one reason: the treaty.

I had traveled to the refreshments table when I spotted him talking heatedly to Dr. Cullen. No human ear could hear them, but I noticed every supernatural creature present, including myself, were tuned into the conversation.

Sam was inches away from Carlisle's (was that his name?) face. I personally couldn't understand how he could be that close to our _im_mortal enemy. They really didn't smell good. Emily had a tight hold on his arm, just to reassure him that she was by his side. The Doctor was completely complacent. His wife was beside him, clinging to his hand.

"You know what will happen as soon as she's changed. You and you're family are to get out of Forks before the transformation, or its war. The treaty is over and we are no longer united in any way," Sam snarled. "The battle against the redhead and her newborns was a once in a lifetime alliance." He was using his deep, _don't fuck with me_, Alpha voice and it was terrifying. I felt myself cower back as I let out a whimper, and he wasn't even addressing me_. _

"I understand the terms that we agreed on years ago," the Doctor replied, in an '_I'm going to relax even though you're about to rip my face off'_ voice. "She proposed that she not to be turned until after the honeymoon, a couple of weeks from this date, and we all came to a compromise based on that decision. We will take our leave before the change. Now, can you please have a seat? The ceremony is about to begin."

Sam was breathing deeply, but thankfully his shaking had stopped. Emily was whispering words of comfort into his ear. The Doctor nodded and they split.

Sam would've raced out of there so fucking fast, if it hadn't been for Emily. She had already vowed to Bella that she would be present.

I snagged a seat as far as possible from the Cullen's, next to Sam. I opened my mouth to speak to him, but he gave me an irritated frown as a growl rumbled in his throat. I closed my mouth promptly and straightened up in my chair, facing the front.

And then _she_ sat next to me. Brooke. A friend of Bella's from her old school. I found myself ogling her again. She arched an eyebrow and I focused my attention elsewhere.

_Brooke._ When I had first arrived, I'd been helping myself to finger food from the table the Cullen's had set up (fast metabolism_, _remember?). I was hoping the _leeches_ hadn't poisoned the gourmet food, possibly specifically made to harm my kind, when I first saw her, pouring herself a glass of champagne beside me. I knew from what I'd been told that she was a friend of Bella's from way back when. Earlier, the Doctor's spouse had been explaining the identities of everyvisitor to me.

Brooke was cute. She was older than me (but who isn't?), and my hormones had been off the charts when I laid my eyes on her. Her copper colored hair dropped down past her shoulders. She had this tiny body, and my God; she had a nice ass… I mean, she was short. I was a fucking giant next to her. Of course, I was huge next to anyone_,_ aside from my pack brothers. Too bad I hadn't filled out yet; I was stuck a gangly _boy_ for at least a few weeks. Damn it.

She must've sensed my gaze because she faced me, and our eyes met. She gave me a look to kill. "What the hell are you looking at?" She spat. _This_chick was friends with Bella? What sort of crowd did she run around with back in the day?

_Great._ Everything came to a standstill when she looked at me. Literally. My surroundings were blurry; all that existed was her**.** Nothing else.

Just _fucking_ great. I'd imprinted. I knew I had. Since the pack shared a common mind, I'd been able to experience imprinting through Sam, Quil, Jared, and Paul. Jacob was going to **murder** Paul when he came back, if he ever did return. The asshole had imprinted on Jacob'ssister_,_ Rachel. I was anticipating that brawl.

Wasn't I too young to imprint? I was 15, for Christ's sake!

How perfect was imprinting? Brooke regarded me as the scum of the earth and she was the queen of the worldthrough my eyes. _Just, fabulous_. Quil would give me hell for this. I'd shoot back with the fact that he'd imprinted on a two year old. Embry would take Quil's side and I'd be ridiculed with nothing to use against Embry. Shit.

It was torture sitting alongside her.

I'd been so side-tracked by my thoughts that I failed to realize the bridal march had started. Sam roughly brought me to my feet and forced me to face the aisle. _Ouch_. I clutched my arm. Brooke scrutinized me over her shoulder. I dropped my hand and gave her a grin as I swayed on my feet. She rolled her eyes.

What a _bitch_. But I freaking loved her. Edward had a good laugh the moment I had seen her; he'd _happened_ to be passing by at the time.

The whispering rose, pulling me from my thoughts, again. Finally aware of what was going on, I spoke out loud. "Where is Bella?"

I caught Edward out of the corner of my eye. He looked spaced out. Then his face fell, and _dude_, I'd never seen someone look so broken.

The miniature, brunette Cullen, Alice, I think, came rushing to the gathering. Well, she was jogging at _human_ speed; she did have an audience. She held a tiny piece of paper in her fist as she approached Edward at the altar. He was shaking his head, surely reading her thoughts. Her eyes never left his.

Was Bella extra anxious or something?

Alice spoke, in an inhuman voice, hardly moving her mouth, just enough for me to pick out the words, "She's gone." I whirled around to Sam in a split second.

_What the hell?_

* * *

_(Alice's POV)_

As I left the guest room, I was beyond excited; I was thrilled. Bella looked beautiful_._

I'd seen her as a vampire for the first time, years ago, when she initially was welcomed to our family. She was going to be extraordinary. Her dark brown hair was to her waist in perfect, tamed curls. Her skin was flawless, smooth, and pure white. Her eyes were a deep, rich red. They would eventually shift to gold. I couldn't wait for her to join us.

Edward's voice sounded from nearby. "Alice. Please stop." He was fixing his tie.

I crossed my arms. "Edward, it's going to happen," I teased him in a sing-song voice.

"Can you at least allow me to cherish her last few weeks as a human?" He grumbled.

_Whatever._ I couldn't fathom why he wasn't yet ready for her transition. The wait had already been too long.

It was difficult though, not being able to see any more of her future, since the _dogs_ had shown up as _special _guests. Sam was infuriated and Seth…why was Seth here again?

* * *

I was walking down the aisle, next to Jasper, when everything came undone.

I gasped. Jasper firmly enclosed his fingers around my hand. He'd sensed my mood change and he was worried. "Alice. _Alice,_ what's wrong?" I maneuvered my body away from his grasp, composing myself, as I took my place next to Rosalie.

Bella's future had disappeared. I couldn't see her under these conditions as it was, but the one unchangeablevision had been her as a blood thirsty, breathtaking goddess, sharing life with my family and me as a sister, wife, and daughter. That vision vanished.

I heard Edward before I noticed him. "No." He'd read my mind.

The music fluctuated and the crowd faced the door. Seconds passed. _Nothing_. I was on edge. Minutes ticked on, like a clock chiming in my head. Finally, Charlie stepped out, scratching his head, leering at Edward as he reached the front.

A car started; an old engine came to life. Nothing to think of, except with my heightened senses, I was positive it was Bella, fleeing. By the expressions on my family's faces, as well as Sam's and Seth's, I hadn't misjudged.

I couldn't bring myself to look at Edward. None of us had made a single movement. I _did_. I swiftly ventured inside the house. As soon as the door shut behind me, concealing me from the view of our companions, I was upstairs within a second.

The bedroom was empty. Deserted. Nothing had been altered, apart from one single scrap of paper lying on the desk.

_Edward,_

_Please understand that I have to do this. Don't come after me. Let me live__**.**_

_I will always love you,_

_Bella_

My hands were trembling and they shouldn't have been. My head ached. _No. _She wouldn't. Everything had been so clear, so final.

But, Bella had changed her mind and it would never be reverted back. I didn't need to _see_ to know that fact.

* * *

_(Bella's POV)_

I pressed the accelerator as far as it would budge and found myself speeding towards the airport. I'd been lucky enough to have left my purse in the car. My keys, money, ID, credit card, all the essentials that belonged in a handbag, had been positioned inside.

My action had been spur of the moment. I had no change of clothes and no place to go. I was, without a doubt, a runaway bride_._

And I knew I couldn't go to La Push.

I slowed down as the adrenaline rush faded. I couldn't bear to think of Edward's reaction, his face…

The tears pooled in my eyes. But, I had to do this. I had to give up a life with him, the one man I thought I was meant to be with until the end of time, in order to stay who I was.

The nearest airport was in Port Angeles. I made the hour drive within forty five minutes.

It was nearly 8 in the evening by the time I screeched my car to a halt in a parking space a few yards away from the entrance. Shuffling through my oversized purse, I discovered an envelope from a former friend of mine, Autumn, declining her invitation to the wedding. According to the letter, she'd been preoccupied with work.

I didn't know what had become of her. She was familiar with the Cullen's. Rosalie had mentioned that Autumn used to contact them frequently. What had I missed? I'd spent the past couple of years of my life so centered on Edward, that I'd forgotten the links to my past in Phoenix. I was astonished when a few of my closest friends I'd acquired when I attended school in Phoenix had confirmed their invites.

I flipped the envelope over in my hands, checking the return address; Autumn was living in Atlanta, Georgia. She wastheonly chance I had_._ There was no way I could go to my mother's house; I'd be hammered with questions as soon as she returned from Forks. I already feared the several calls asking for explanations that I'd have to endure over the next few days.

I crammed the envelope back into my purse and exited my car. Every individual was absorbing my appearance as I trudged through the automatic doors. I'd slid off my heels and now carried them in my hand, so I was tripping over my dress with every step I took. I kept my eyes to the ground. My face flushed at the unwanted attention. It was as if I was in a one-man circus and any screw up would be carefully calculated by the spectators. Due to the humidity, my curls had loosened; the hairspray had worn off. My dress was soaked at the bottom as a result of jumping through puddles left over from the previous day's rain.

Gulping, I arrived at the flight desk. Thankfully, the receptionist was an older woman and she didn't question my circumstances or my attire. Instead, she inquired, "Sweetheart, do you need a change of clothes?"

I lifted my head to meet her eyes. "N-No…I mean yes, but I don't have time…I…" I sighed deeply. "I need to be on the next flight to Atlanta, as soon as I can." My voice was quivering. I felt like the walls were closing in on me.

Seconds later, the woman continued, "There's a flight that leaves to Atlanta in about 15 minutes, nonstop, after a connection to Seattle. There's plenty of space. Would you…?"

I quickly nodded. "Yes." I was barely holding myself together. I ran my fingers through my hair, removing the veil I'd momentarily forgotten. "Please."

Within moments I had paid for my flight ticket with my credit card, not the one the Cullen's had purchased for me as a gift. I was becoming paranoid at the prospect that one of them had followed me. I needed to avoid contact with them for the time being.

Who was I kidding? I longed to get as far away as possible from Edward and Jacob. I needed to spend time away from the only two men I'd ever loved. I had just made the biggest decision of my life thus far, and I yearned for confirmation that it wasn't a mistake. But, that verification had to come from myself, not from the opinions of others.

The flight to Seattle was only an hour. I had to wander through an airport with a considerable amount of people, but I ignored the onslaught of looks, murmurs, and questions. I couldn't stop until I was directly in front of Autumn's house. I was unable to sleep. I was utterly exhausted by the time the plane made its final destination to Atlanta around 4 in the morning, east coast time. The lack of sleep had taken its toll and my vision was obscured; my eyes ached from no rest. I didn't remember calling a cab, but after handing the driver the address, dodging his questions that sounded faint to my ears, he came to a stop outside her house within 30 minutes.

I'd managed to doze off for the entire cab ride and the driver jolted me awake. "Hey, you gonna pay up? It's fucking four in the morning! What are you doing out?" He shouted. I deposited money into his outstretched hand and left the cab, slamming the door behind me. _Could cab drivers be anymore rude_? He floored the gas pedal and I was alone.

I was captivated by the view as I stood, unmoving, on the side of the road. The sun was just peeking over the horizon and the eerie glow of early morning highlighted my surroundings. The air was foggy and I was shivering from the cold. Everywhere I turned I was encompassed by lush, green shrubbery. The side of the mountain towered behind me. I fiddled with my purse as my eyes rested upon Autumn's dark red, one story home. A ridiculously nice car was parked in the driveway. Beyond the front of her house, the backyard sloped down to a lake. As far as my eyes could see through the thick layer of mist and the darkness of the cliff, she had no neighbors residing nearby. As I gradually crept towards her house, the sight before me was breathtaking; in the distance another peak was reflected in the undisturbed, glassy lake.

The silence wasdeafening. The wind was still and there were no signs of life. A weight developed in my chest and my shoulders slumped. Had I come this far, only to face confrontation when I was back home within a day?

A click sounded and my eyes darted in the direction of Autumn's house as her door cracked opened. "Bella?" A tired voice hesitantly asked.

I remembered Autumn had always been stunning. She hadn't changed. Her wavy, blond hair fell to her middle back. She was model tall, around 5'11" and had what she'd frequently referred to as "real curves." Her skin was freckled and ivory and her eyes were a bright, baby blue. I envied her elegance; she was almost angelic.

Her eyebrows furrowed and she slightly tilted her head, curious as to what had brought me this far. The moment she saw I was clothed in my wedding dress, her eyes widened, and she moved aside. She motioned towards the interior of her dimly lit home. "Bella, don't just stand there. Get inside, now."

* * *

After showering and freshening up, I settled myself on Autumn's plush, leather sofa, curling myself into a ball. Her t-shirt swallowed my thin frame and I rolled up her baggy pajama pants to prevent myself from falling flat on my face. I was wrapped in a blanket, sipping hot green tea she promised would calm my nerves. Autumn was next to the couch, bent over the counter, cloaked in a robe. She was sliding her finger along the rim of a glass of wine she had fixed for herself.

I was impassive, surveying her carpet. "Bella, why are you here?" She sighed, grabbing my attention. I pivoted my upper body towards her. Her fingers were stroking her temples.

"I…" I laughed nervously. Bringing my hands to my forehead, I skimmed my fingers through my damp locks. "G-God…I don't even…I don't even know where to begin." My voice cracked with emotion and fatigue.

Autumn was by my side in a flash, removing the drink from my hands. She brought herself to her knees in front of me and captured my vacant eyes with her own uneasy pair. She gently rubbed my arms. "Bella. Go to sleep. You can rest here on the couch if you want…" Her voice was subdued as she whispered, "You can explain everything to me once you get a good night's sleep. You look like you haven't slept in days." _Why did she care so much?_ "Even if you tried to explain things now, you probably wouldn't be coherent, at all." I nodded and she got to her feet. After bundling the blanket tighter around me, I carefully laid my weakened body down, burying myself beneath the covers. My eyes closed as she strolled away. "Thank you," I mumbled.

She couldn't have comprehended my words, even as they echoed through the living room, yet, I could've sworn I'd heard a, "You're welcome," as I slipped into the deepest sleep I hadn't been able to attain in weeks.

My slumber was void of nightmares. The only face that was present was _his_.

_Jacob._

God, I missed him_._

_Cause when I'm with him_

_I am thinking of you_

_Thinking of you_

_What you would do if_

_You were the one_

_Who was spending the night?_

_Oh I wish that I_

_Was looking into your eyes._

* * *

(A/N: Pictures of Bella, the Cullen's, Brooke, and Autumn and Autumn's house, property, and car are up on my photo bucket account/Jacob-Black-n-Pack group for this story. All linked in my profile! FYI:Julius, an OC, is the newest member of the Pack)


	5. Him

Disclaimer: Do I really need to keep doing this? The characters you don't recognize and the plot are mine; the rest is Stephenie Meyer's. The lyrics are 'Running Away' by Hoobastank

(**A/N**: **Thanks for the reviews, faves, and alerts!** **Pay attention to the dates**!)

* * *

**Chapter 3: Him**

_Around 3 months following the 'wedding-that-never-happened'_

_Late September, shortly after Bella's 19__th__ birthday_

_(Bella's POV)_

I kept my word to Autumn.

After my first night here, I'd woken up to find she'd called in to work in order to stay with me for the day and listen to my story.

I proceeded to tell her every detail, at least, what I'd perceived as the most important points, from my arrival in Forks to landing on the steps of her house the previous night. When I let slip that the Cullen's were vampires, she didn't seem fazed. I was speechless. She noticed and justified that she'd known about the Cullen's and the Pack for years_._ I wanted her to elaborate but she avoided my interrogation and said this discussion was about me, not her.

I still hadn't been able to extract the truth from her.

It was pleasant staying with her; back in Phoenix we'd been best friends. She was two years older, which explained her stash of alcohol in the kitchen. I'd met her when she was a junior, and I had been merely a freshman. She was popular, but not the stereotypical popular the movies always portrayed. She was excellent in sports, gorgeous, of course, but also exceedingly kind to every soul she talked to, as well as intelligent. Surprisingly, we'd found common ground immediately, and soon were inseparable…until I left for Washington.

She told me, days after I started living with her, she'd been upset over my loss of contact with her, but she was grateful for the opportunity for us to renew our friendship. She'd always been forgiving in all circumstances.

As I had predicted, the days following my trip from Forks to Atlanta were filled with phone calls. Both Autumn's cell phone and my own were ringing off the hook.

The first call was the most typical one: my mother. She'd gone through a series of mood swings throughout the conversation. Initially, she was breathless as she expressed how thankful she was that I was alright. Then she yelled at me for an hour straight demanding where I was, and telling me how I'd humiliated her, as well as the Cullen's, by bailing out of the wedding. I held the phone away from my ear as she ranted on, filling me in on what I already knew. I _had_ made a fool out of myself, as well as everyone in attendance. I apologized and she softened, wondering if Edward had done something to harm me. I reassured her it had been my decision, and mine alone, to leave because I wasn't ready for a lifetime commitment. She didn't know that a lifetime had a different, more permanent meaning, when it came to being with Edward.

Charlie's call followed. Although he tried to conceal it, he was obviously elated that I'd _dumped_ Edward. Then the anger erupted and he said he'd have some severepunishing to do when I came back, since I'd left without informing anyone at all, _scaring the shit_ out of him.

Later, Autumn's phone rang, and the two voices from the other end belonged to Brooke and Carmen. They were concerned, but begged for the juicy details. As well as Autumn, they'd also been a part of the tight nit group I'd formed in Phoenix. After clarifying everything to them, minus the paranormal part, things were awkward. But, the uncomfortable phase passed and soon the four of us were chatting like I'd never forsaken them. My heart began to stitch itself back together again. All wasn't lost.

They promised to come visit Autumn's house when they could. We had been quite the crew in high school: Autumn was the active, perfect blond; Brooke was the bitchy, shameless, preppy 'Queen;' Carmen was the _cool _Asian, who partied like a rock star; and I was the plain, bookish, girl-next-door. So it was a shock for them when _I_ turned out to have the most interesting life experiences.

If only they knew the half of it, they'd never want to be me.

Brooke and Carmen had agreed to reside in Forks. I was curious, and Brooke raved that she was developing feelings for an awkwardly tall, dorky,annoyinglycute, sweet, **native**, who was years younger than her. She'd chosen to stay to get to know him. Strange, _ethnic_, geeky, and youthful had never been Brooke's type. Carmen proclaimed she'd been living in Forks for a while now, and was seriously dating someone.

What the hellhad I missed?

'My girls' called twice a week to check up on me.

Of all people, Mike Newton called next. He informed me that all of Forks was gossiping about my wedding. He'd had the nerve to ask me out now that I was _"_on the market_."_ I hung up as soon as I heard those words. Mike Newton was still…Mike Newton.

The two final exchanges I'd had after that multitude of calls had been the most remarkable.

Alice and _Rachel Black_ called last.

I recalled those conversations.

* * *

_Flashback- Alice's phone call_

I unloaded the piles of bags of clothes Autumn and I had purchased from the mall in downtown Atlanta onto my bed. She was quite the stylish shopper and most of what she'd convinced me to try on was items I was afraid I'd never wear. She had been lenient though, and after debating for half the day, she allowed me to purchase some plain jeans and t-shirts. I'd planned to stay for a while, so Autumn said I should begin to make things more permanent.

I'd been, unbelievably, unloading a _thong_ into my underwear drawer when my cell rang.

I moaned, closing the drawer, "Here we go again."

_Who's next?_

_Alice_ was flashing on the screen. My palms started to sweat, my mind reeling with possibilities. _This_ was on of the phone calls I dreaded the most. One from a Cullen.

I pressed the **TALK** button and brought the phone to me ear, not speaking.

"Bella?" Alice's voice sang from the other side. "Bella, I know it's you; I had a random vision of us having this conversation."

I thought she couldn't see me anymore?

It made sense though; right now, my future was so undecided, so unpredictable, for the first time in a while.

I swallowed, biting my lip as moisture formed in my eyes. "I'm sorry."

The other line was silent for a moment. My heart was beating fast. "Bella, you have no reason to apologize."

"That's bullshit, Alice! I left!" I retorted, spilling angry tears. "I left without even trying to talk to you, or my parents, or Edward. I had you all worried sick! I walked away from something I'd had my mind set on for years because I was so blindedby first love to see the consequences! I _fucked up_, Alice!" My voice lowered. I couldn't believe the words spewing from my mouth as I supported myself unsteadily against the bed.

Alice shushed me. "Bella, honey, it's been tough, but we're fine_._ Everything's alright. Edwardis going to be okay, I swear_._ He knows you need your space right now. In fact, he feels blessed that you chose to live. He never wanted the change to occur, to _rip_ you of the thing each one of us lost: life. You're alive, there's no doubt clouding any of our minds. He's not going to do anything foolish like before…" Images of Italy enveloped my mind.

My head was in my hands as I clutched the phone to my ear. I took in her words carefully. My heartbeat decelerated. "I still…I stilllove him you know. But, I-I can't…"

"I know you do…_he_ knows you do. There's no need for you to argue your point any further, Bella. You chose to_ live_, instead of an eternity, two completely different concepts in our world. I've finally come to terms with that."

I sniffled. "It's only been a few weeks, Alice," I snorted.

She laughed; the tension had dissipated. "I know, Bella. We're vampires, remember? We aren't _living_, but it's something we always yearn for, even though we will never be given another chance. We aren't as lucky as you, and I think you've yet to realize that." A comfortable silence passed. "Bella…It's going to be a while for Edward, losing you like this…" I cringed. "But, he will eventually speak to you again. You need to tell him, in your own words, what happened. Our hearts may not be beating, but we know how to lovesomeoneunconditionally."

As I got off the phone with her, I smirked. My heart still ached over the pain I'd caused Edward and what I'd lost by leaving him, but I was content.

I'd fully accepted my decision to stay human.

* * *

_Bella's birthday_

_Rachel's phone call_

I'd never been big on parties, but Autumn was planning something enormous in celebration of my turning 19 tomorrow.

It was hard to believe that, at this time, I was supposed to be a vampire, married, and definitely _not _a virgin.

But things had developed for the better. And here I was, satisfied with my life, single, **human**, and innocent_._

The months passed uneventfully aside from my job. Just a few weeks into my stay here, Autumn complained since I was her _roomie_, I needed to pitch in to the expenses. With an extra body living with her, the bills were higher, as well as payments for food, clothes, and nights out. Autumn worked at the Macy's in downtown Atlanta and, testing her connections, she'd arranged an appointment for me to be interviewed by her manager. I'd already applied for dozens of jobs, but the day following the interview, I was a stock clerk in the women's department at Macy's.

I'd been on my toes the past few months working, as well as keeping up with my college applications. Before things had gotten serious with Edward, I'd applied for colleges across the continent to start this year in fall term. Fall term had already begun two weeks ago, so I couldn't go along with it. When I'd been engaged to Edward, we'd spend hours considering colleges far north, anywhereaway from Forks. So, I wouldn't have gone until after my change and the applications were for fall next year. At the time, college had been in the farthest regions of my mind; Edward was the foremost aspect in my life. I'd been accepted to every single one. Autumn insisted I attend early, but I wasn't ready for that. I needed to **grow up** first.

I was reviewing information about New York University, one of my top choices, rolling around in the chair in front of Autumn's computer. It was late, nearly midnight. Autumn had the late-shift at work and they were doing some hardcore cleaning.

My cell phone was positioned on the bar in the center of the kitchen, when it buzzed. I sighed, agitated, and slammed my notebook I'd been writing notes in about NYU on the desk in front of me.

_Who calls this late?_

I picked up the phone, examining the number. I didn't recognize it, but the area code stood out sharply in my mind.

_La Push._

The phone tumbled from my hand as I stepped away from the counter, clenching the sides of the one opposite.

_It couldn't have been him. _It'd been _months._ _Why would he contact me now_?

The vibrating stopped. I was trembling, watching the phone like it was a time bomb. I jumped when it started buzzing again and quickly answered it.

"Hello?" My voice wavered.

"Bella," a female uttered.

My entire body relaxed. God, I was a fuckingcoward.

The voice was hurried. "Bella, its Rachel. Rachel Black."

What?

"Look, Bella, I know it's been a long time. You and I…we used to be so close."

It was true. We grew up together, just as _Jacob_ and I did. I'd known the Black's since I was born. Rachel, Rebecca, and I were about the same age, occasionally hanging out. Jacob had been the little brother with the big crush on me that tagged along. I smiled at the memory.

"Bella, are you there?"

I gave her my full attention. "Yeah…yeah. I'm here."

Rachel chuckled. "Thank God, I thought I was talking to a stalker or something." I couldn't help but giggle.

The laughing subsided and her urgency manifested again. "Bella, I called for one reason, besides just to tell you I'm delighted you chose to stay human."

I couldn't imagine why she would call.

I was lying to myself_._ What she was about to tell me would either be wonderful, horrible, or neither**.**

"Bella…He's alive. He's back in La Push, Bella. Broken, but existing. Jacob _came back_. He's home."

I dropped the phone; it shattered on the marble floor. I'd been holding the emotions back for months. I'd finally cracked.

He was _back_, **alive**. I knew he wasn't whole, but _he was breathing,_ and he hadn't called me to let me know.

And it hurt.

The realization cut so deeply that I couldn't suppress my sobs any longer. I slid to the frigid, hard floor, my back against the cabinet. I was bent over, and my head rested between my knees. I couldn't catch my breath.

A pair of slender arms wrapped around me. _Autumn_. She pulled me to her chest as my tears drenched her shirt. I gripped the ends of her top, pressing myself into her warm body. As I wept, she was stroking my hair, rocking me back and forth like a child.

My voice was muffled by her shirt and affected by my tears. "Oh my God…" Shuddering, I latched onto her tighter. "He's back," I choked.

The walls I'd built up, protecting my heart the past several months, fractured. "…And he wants nothing to do with me."

I felt lifeless as it dawned on me the extent to how much I craved his touch, his presence.

I cried in her arms for hours, until, drained from the exertion, I collapsed into unconsciousness.

* * *

_I don't want you to give it all up_

_And leave your life collecting dust_

_And I don't want you to feel sorry for me_

_You never gave us a chance to be_

_And I don't need you to be by my side_

_To tell me everything's alright_

_Back to the present, shortly after Bella's birthday_

_Late September_

It was pitch black outside, but in the mountains, remote from the city, the darkness gave a spectacular view.

I was lounged on Autumn's hammock she had hooked up adjacent to the lake, completely relaxed, clothed in pajama pants and a tank top (my size, not borrowed from Autumn). I was star gazing, a rare occurrence anywhere except a place far away from _civilization_. The sky was clear and I'd spent the night tracing the constellations with a finger. The moon cast a faint glow, illuminating the water

I had the night off and my body was sore from a day shift at work. Autumn was out celebrating her promotion to assistant cosmetics department manager with our co-workers. She'd invited me, but I'd declined, opting for a nice, warm bubble bath instead, giving her some time away from me.

The sounds of night, as well as the soft breeze, soothed my senses and I dozed off.

Minutes later, I awakened to the distant noise of a vehicle, probably a mile or so down the road. It wasn't difficult to hear things, even if you were human, when you lived isolated in the wilderness.

The motor sounded familiar. _Too_ familiar.

As the _motorcycle_ got closer, I fell out of the hammock, tangling my foot in the rope. After loosening myself, I stumbled to the side of the house. The bike had passed.

"No," I muttered.

Brakes screeched. The driver had turned around.

I approached the front yard, my heart pounding in my chest, demanding to burst through. Warmth flooded through my entire body. I was trembling with anticipation. Goose bumps coated my arms.

Even through the shadows I could detect the motorcycle stopping in front of the house.

Everything circled around me. I felt dizzy with exhilaration and awe as I recognized the outline of the hulking figure poised beside the bike.

My feet were disobeying me; my mind wouldn't function properly.

My heart had taken charge, and it was as if a magnetic force was drawing me in to the silhouette.

Everything moved in slow motion. My heart thumped in my head; it was _so full_. My breathing echoed in my ears.

He had come after me.

The words he'd said to me, years ago, reverberated through my thoughts, _"I'm not going to give up." _

My eyes adjusted to the dark. He stood in jeans and a t-shirt, looking more beautiful than I remembered. He'd been staring at me as well. The warmth rushed through my veins. "Jacob," I breathed.

His brown eyes met mine. Before I registered what I was doing, I ran towards him.

I collided with his frame, knocking the breath out of my lungs for a second, as I wrapped my arms around his waist. My hands barely reached around the broad expanse of his back. He hesitated, but seconds later he enclosed his arms around me, pulling me tighter to his body, burying his head in my hair, inhaling my scent. One of his hands covered the entirety of the small of my back, which was bare from my shirt riding up, exposing the skin there. I shivered at the heat emitting from his touch. I squeezed him, hiding my head against his muscular chest, reveling at the heart beating just under the surface.

I didn't want to let go. I didn't want him to ever leave my arms again.

My universe fell into place. All the remaining missing pieces of my heart locked together as I stood in his welcoming arms, embracing his warmth.

Words weren't necessary.

I lifted my head and moved my body away, enough to look into his rich, dark brown eyes that'd been invading my thoughts since I'd supposedly chosen Edward.

They were hollow; the light in them had yet to fully return. He dropped one of his hands from his grip on my waist and I nearly fainted from the loss of contact, until that hand rested on my face. He was bent over, centimeters away, wiping my watery eyes with his rough, long fingers, as a lone tear slid down my cheek.

I brought my fingers to his face and glided them across his full lips to his defined cheekbones, barely touching the smooth, tanned skin. His finger inched towards my mouth and I rested my cheek against his palm. My hand drifted from his face and I caressed his arm, feeling the muscles twitch beneath my touch, as I seized the hand grazing my face. I kissed his opened palm and intertwined my fingers with his. My other hand encased the same hand and I led his fingers to my mouth, brushing the tips of each of his fingers with my lips, never tearing my gaze from him.

I gathered out interlocked hands to my bosom, resting his exposed palm just above my heart, which was pulsating rapidly from being within such close proximity to him.

And then he smiled. _My_smile; the grin that stretched across his face, displaying his set of perfectly white teeth.

My knees threatened to give out. I returned the smile, biting my lip, the tears looming for all the rightreasons.

I was so in love with him. I'd always loved him, but this..._this_ was an all encompassing feeling that hurtled through my body, from the tips of my fingers to my toes. The passion spread through me like a fire, igniting every nerve in my body. I'd never been so sure of anything in my life.

And he was here. And so was I, unaltered. Me. And we were together, no boundaries. No Edward.

He brought his hand to my face again and I nearly_ swooned_. He chuckled, sending currents of electricity through my body, as his other hand steadied me from its position on my back. He pulled me impossibly closer, gently planting a kiss on my cheek. I blushed. He was still grinning. I could feel the curve of the edge of his mouth turn up, as well as his hot breath, against the side of my face. He deposited feather-like kisses against my temple, my eyes, my nose, my forehead, all over, eventually landing on the corner of my lips.

The sensations coursing through me from each touch of his mouth were indescribable. I was like jelly in his arms. Defenseless. A tingling I'd never experienced before flowed through my lower half.

I was undeniably attracted to him. My heart, as well as my body, _wanted_ him in every way possible. And I wouldhave him.

He kissed the other side of the corner of my mouth, teasing me, his thumb sliding across my pink lips. I was coming undonebeneath his touch. My eyes were drooping with desire.

And then he spoke, his mouth a breath away from mine. His voice was unchanged, husky, soothing_,_ as he gazed into my eyes. "Bella. You're_ alive_."

"And you're _here_…with me," I replied.

I was whole. Completely healed.

And he was mine. _My Jacob_. Once and for all.

_And I was the one who was lifting you up_

_When you though your life had had enough_

_So now I need you to tell me the truth_

_You know I'd do that for you_

_So why are you running away?_

* * *

(A/N: Jake's back :throws party with everyone:! The 'I'm not going to give up' line was borrowed from the BTS sneak peek of New Moon that ET aired. I can't remember if it was actually in the book or the context it was used in. Pictures of Rachel, Carmen, as well as Jacob, Jake's bike, Bella's bedroom are on my photo bucket account/Jacob-Black-n-Pack group for this story. All links are in my profile. **Let me know what you think of the chapter**!)


	6. Broken

Disclaimer: What you do recognize belongs to Stephenie Meyer, what you don't is mine. Lyrics: Sway- The Perishers

(A/N: **Thanks for the reviews, faves, and alerts!** **Warning: **this is a tough chapter to read but, remember, I make everything happen for a reason)

* * *

**Chapter 4: Broken**

_It was you who picked the pieces up _

_When I was a broken soul_

_And then glued me back together_

_Returned to me what others stole_

_I don't want to hurt you_

_I don't want to make you sway_

_Like I know I've done before_

_Flashback- Jacob finds out_

_A motel somewhere in Canada_

_(Jacob's POV)_

I had been in agony the past few months. I'd shut myself off from my pack, my friends, my family, _her_. The only contact I'd had was with multiple strangers, faces I wouldn't remember and planned to never see again.

I was bitter, angry, fucked up, and brokenhearted. I was stuck in the middle of Canada with no real idea of where I was or how to get home.

Not that I wanted to be home, _if you could call it that_.

The first few weeks had been easy. I'd refused to phase back from my wolf form, living rabid almost. Eventually, the suspicions arose in town, and I chose to stay human.

I feared I would be lost in the beast within and all thoughts of being a human would disappear. I phased sparingly, only so I didn't forget how to.

I was already losing sight of the real me. I used to be this sweet, innocent kid, until I was swept into the world of werewolves and _bloodsuckers_. Now, I had some severe anger issues, causing me to morph into an oversized wolf against my will, and I was a 16 year old trapped in the body of a fully grown man, not to mention I'd been through enough shit to classify me as an adult. Christ, I went through the entire stage of puberty _within weeks._

I buried my head in my hands, sitting on the _too small_ bed in the crappy motel room I'd been staying in. I sure as hell didn't have the money to afford anything nicer. Shit, I didn't have the money to bunkhere. When I took off, I ran with nothing except a pair of clothes. Being 6'7" had its perks though; the intimidation factor played in well with hotel managers. I didn't have to pay a single cent, but I was only allowed to stay in a specific room for a few weeks at a time. Then, it was either 'get the fuck out' or 'pay up.'

I didn't have a cell phone, so it's not like I could call anyone for money, like I even would. I didn't need to be near any connections I had to La Push and Forks.

Falling in love with a girl, who would never feel the same way to the same extremity, was the biggest mistake my patheticheart had made. She'd be a fucking _leech_ by now.

Bella would be a monster, some creature that would no longer have any meaning to me. How could I be in love with her now that she was my enemy?

I was holding onto what little hope I had left that she was still human. Then I'd have a chance.

Bullshit.

She wouldn't be delicate, breakable, and soft. She'd be a killer, for one thing, but also cold, hard, _deceased_. Her eyes would be crimson, bloodthirsty, no longer the warm brown I'd been so drawn to. She wouldn't blush and would never need to breathe to stay alive again, which was a loss I couldn't bear to think of.

As far as anyone was concerned, she'd be dead to me.

The only girl I'd ever been in love with would be gone.

She used me, mercilessly, dragged me into her smiles, her warmth, her words, fooling me, making me believe she liked me. I was a kid with a crush that turned into something out of my hands. I'd been her tool, willingly.

I didn't give up. Jacob Black doesn't give up without a fight.

And _fuck_, I fought tooth and nail to convince her to choose me, pressuring her to make the right decision and not become one of _them_. It'd been wrong to kiss her, but what else could I have done? I knew she loved me and the kiss had been a last ditch effort for her to come to her senses. I thought she was just in deep denial, blinded by the storybook romance _Edward_ provided.

First love, how wonderful.

How about, _go fuck yourself_?

She never gave me the opportunity. I'd never had one in the first place, but I'd been so stupid to assume she'd fall for my charm, my jokes, and my kindness that I concealed beneath the impenetrable mask of an arrogant jerk, only biased due to my blood and determined to make her see that there was another option: _living_.

I'd lost her before I ever had her.

My heart ached. My eyes watered. _Fuck no_. I hid my face in my pillow, gripping the mattress so tightly I could've sworn the springs snapped. I wasn't going to shed a tear. I didn't have it in me.

I was a shell of my former self. I hadn't trulysmiled in months. I was a fuck up.

I couldn't get the image out of my head…her as a vampire. But that wasn't the only movie that kept repeating itself in my mind.

Bella. And him. _Together_. His disgusting, icy hands sliding across her naked, radiant skin. Edward, _inside of her_, robbing her of her innocence, the one thing left untouched by him, by anyone. It made me sick to my stomach.

The anger flared and I was squeezing the headboard so roughly it cracked.

She was shouting _his_ name, responding to _his_ caresses, not _mine_.

Never mine.

I ripped the headboard from its hinges and flung it across the room. It splintered, shaking the wall from the impact. I stood, trembling. If it were even possible, my heart severed further.

It was impossible. My heart was empty.

I crumpled to a heap on the floor, breathing deeply, trying to combat the change. The sweat rolled down my back.

"Don't do it. Not in here. Don't…" I whispered to myself. Thankfully_,_ I calmed down.

The image had been such a common occurrence, that each time I felt the animal within begging to be released I'd succeed in stopping it.

Pain management, sealing myself away from emotion, was an event I'd been practicing since I ran off against Sam's orders.

Getting drunk was the first thought. I'd been drunk quite a few times with the pack as a test of how much alcohol we could hold. I didn't feel tipsy until the 10th or glass of straight up Vodka.

Fucking werewolf genes. I couldn't even lose my memory, induced by alcohol like oh so many _people _are able to do.

Drugs came next. End result: failure, due to my genetics. A dozen shots of morphine wouldn't even sedate me. I couldn't get high. The Pack smoked a hell of a lot on certain occasions, but even that never worked. I'd have to swallow a bottle of aspirin to relieve small amounts of physical pain_._

There'd only been one alternative remaining. The option used to be so far from whom I was that I would have never, in a million years, done such actions. It was the kind of _forgetting_ that involved losing yourself in someone, forcing your body to only feel the physical part, and avoiding emotional attachments. But, a few minutes of this pleasure, repeated countless times, was enough to numb me. And therefore it became my solution.

And it disgusted me that _this_ became almost like a hobby, a part of my daily life.

What was I becoming? _This_wasn't me.

I was startled from my self-loathing thoughts when a knock came from the door. I peeked at the clock. 2 in the morning. _Motherfucker_.

I got to my feet and threw open the door. I clenched my teeth. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

Leah, Seth, Embry, Quil, and some other guy had found me. Damn.

Leah fake smiled, generating unrealistic excitement. "It's so good to see you too, Jake!" She shoved past me, pressing me against the doorframe, sending me her best bitch-face. Embry, Quil, and Seth followed suit.

How on earth did they know where I was?

The other kid, brown eyes and hair, strong jaw line, smug expression (was he even Native American?) worked his way inside. I blocked his path. I was a good few inches taller than him. I glared down at him. "Who the hell are you?"

Quil's voice came from somewhere behind me. "Relax, dude. He's new." I turned to see him sprawled on the couch in the corner of the room. It broke under his weight. He jumped back, surprised. "Whoa."

I rolled my eyes. "Just great,Ateara. Now they're going to fucking make me pay for _that_ too." The new guy had crept past me while I was distracted and he now stood in the corner of the room, his back propped against the wall. Sneaky little bastard.

Seth was leaning against the bed post, inspecting the missing headboard. He spoke without looking at me. "Dude, _language_."

Leah was scrambling through the mini-fridge in the minuscule kitchen connected to the bathroom. "I was thinking the same thing." She slammed the fridge door shut and faced her body towards me, crossing her arms. "Not that you didn't already cuss…" She trailed off. "What _the fuck_ have you been doing?" She shouted.

My eyes widened.

Every pair of eyes aimed at Leah.

Great, she was going to _scold_ me.

I brought my hands in a 'come-hither' motion, beckoning her. "Bring it. I'm all ears," my sarcasm slipped through my teeth.

She was pissed. Her entire face was boiling red and she was challenging me from across the room. She enunciated her words carefully. "Jacob, there is no food in the fridge. You have no cash_. _This shithole cabin you're staying in? What the hell have you done with yourself? You haven't shaved in weeks, your hair is unkempt…_this_ is not you."

Within seconds I had her constrained against the fridge. She held her ground. "Did you come all this way to tell me that?" I hissed. "Or were there other reasons behind your visit?" I let go of her and double backed. Frustrated, I rubbed my hands over my face.

I was seriously losing it.

I took a deep breath. "How the fuck did you find me?"

"I have connections," the unfamiliar kid spoke, sounding almost _superior. _He moved away from the wall.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Who are you again?"

Quil was by my side in an instant. "His name's Julius," he informed me. "He's a renegade. He broke away from his own pack and came to ours shortly after you left." He glared at me_._

My mind was spinning. Too many of us were crowded into the room and there was too much information to concentrate on.

"Just like Bella," Seth muttered, from his position on the edge of the bed.

My head twisted in his direction. Just hearing her name sent my heart racing and misery coursing through me. My voice softened several levels. "What about her?"

Seth looked around, perplexed. "Um, what?"

Embry, who was reclined in the window sill, was aggravated. "You spoke out loud, dimwit."

Seth's eyes met mine and he cowered back beneath my stare. "Oh."

Why was he terrified of every single one of us? I wasn't that scary.

Ok, maybe I was. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror earlier this week. I'd kept myself clean, but as Leah happened to point out earlier, I hadn't paid much attention to my hair or my face. Darkened circles were beneath my eyes. Because I'd hardly slept, maybe around 10 hours _a week_, my eyes were bloodshot.

Embry slapped my back. "Snap out of it, man." He was face to face with Seth. "Tell him."

"You." Embry growled and Seth recoiled. "Fine." He plucked up the courage to meet my eyes again. "Bella bolted, Jake. She ran offfrom the wedding."

I felt dizzy. I brought my hand to my forehead. I was slipping. I hardly acknowledged Embry and Leah steadying their palms against my back, ushering me to the side of the bed. My heart was pounding. I was practically catatonic. "Is she okay?"

Leah dragged a chair in front of me. Squatting in the seat, she laid her hands on my thighs, trying to capture my blank stare. "She's fine. Her family and friends have been in touch with her. She's _alive_."

Her emphasis on 'alive' drew my eyes up to hers in a millisecond. "A-alive…" I couldn't believe it. She'd left him. There was no fucking way she'd ever think to do that. Leah sensed my building tension and abruptly wandered somewhere else.

I was on my feet, pacing furiously. "No fucking way. Just…no."

"I'm not lying, Jacob! You can go talk to Edward yourself if you'd like!" Seth blubbered.

I jabbed my finger in his direction. "I'm not going anywhere near him!"

"Whatever the case is, Jake, we're not leaving without you," Quil announced.

Suddenly, I was flattered. "Why…why would you go against Sam's demands? Does he…?"

Julius brushed pass me. "He has no idea we're here."

Fucking perfect. We were all in for an ass-whoopingby _Alpha-man._

Leah kicked the table, breaking its leg. "As if we give a damn."

"Any reason to go against your ex, eh, Leah?" I sneered. She slugged my shoulder _hard_. Fuck.

I bit my lip; it bled. Leah packed a punch.

Embry was scanning the sheets on my bed.

Shit. Why was he so observant? Why did he have to be my best male friend? He could read me like an open book.

I was interrupted midstride in approaching Embry by Julius in the doorway. "Can we get the hell out of here?"

Seth accompanied him. "Word." _What a teenager_.

Quil and Leah followed. Embry was staring me down. I could feel his menacing gaze piercing my back.

Shit. He fucking _knew_.

I called after Seth, "Seth. Prove to me she ran. Phase. I'll be out in a second." Did I just use anAlpha voice? Sam was going to **obliterate** me. **I **was taking charge_._

I couldn't believe Seth had gone to the wedding, _the funeral_ in my world. There was no fucking way she'd just leave him. It was too perfect.

Seth mock saluted. "Yes sir."

I closed the door, turning to Embry. He looked ready to attack.

"Jacob." I stepped back. "What the hell have you been doing? Is this your idea of pain management?"

I was preparing to beg if I had to.

"Look man, if you want to talk…?"

I bit my tongue. "Please. Don't tell anyone," I whispered. "If anyone knew, they'd lose all respectfor me. The things I subjected myself to were wrong…"

"Wrong and not you, Jake! How many girls?" He shouted.

Damn, Embry. He knew how to hitthe core and get straight to the point.

I thrust open the door, my chest tightening. "Get the fuck out and keep your thoughts quiet."

Like I needed more confirmation of the hell hole I'd fallen into.

* * *

_I've always been a dreamer_

_I've had my head among the clouds_

_Now that I'm coming down_

_Won't you be my solid ground?_

_Back to the present_

_Georgia- Autumn's house_

I had to be dreaming. As cliché as it sounded, I didn't want to wake up if I was.

Bella stood on the opposite side of the bar from me, tracing invisible patterns on the expertly carved, white marble countertop. I couldn't take my eyes off her.

God, she was beautiful. Her hair was brown, wavy, and just past her shoulders, her skin cream colored. Blood ran through her veins. She was tiny; the fact that her body fit precisely into every curve of mine was enough to drive me crazy. Her eyes, _God, her eyes,_ still the chocolate brown I remembered. I hadn't lost her.

The feeling of seeing her sprinting towards me, her cheeks flushed, crashing into my body, _warm_, were too much for words. Things were the way they were supposed to be. We would finally be together.

I had so many questions, but decided against ruining the moment of her in my arms, with no ring on her finger, and no attachment to another man.

I loved her…so fucking much. No one would ever compare. I felt like a school girlwith a crush I was sogiddy.

She had led me into the house, but the questions still hovered. I had to know why she decided to change her mind, and choose me, not committing to an existence I'd told her countless times she'd regret.

When I first saw her, really saw her, and took in every feature on her face, she looked mature and grown, healthy. The glow transmitting from her wasn't just caused by my presence, obviously. She was changed, and independent.

"You left," I heard her whisper, her voice sending warmth through my already feverish body. Her eyes found mine and there was sadness in them I hadn't seen until now, not even when _he_ left. I arched an eyebrow. "Yeah, I know."

She moved around the counter, coming to my side, and surveyed my face. "You don't get it do you?" I shook my head. "You promisedme you'd never be like Edward." She was enraged, wounded. "You promised you'd never leave me."

I hadn't even thought of that.

I stroked the back of my neck, unsure of what to say. I couldn't meet her eyes. "I-I…I didn't think…?"

She exploded and forced my jaw down, so I met her stare. "You didn't think I'd care that you were gone? I thought you were dead! God damn it, Jake! Do you know what you did to me? It hurt."

"How could it hurt _you_? You chose_ him_!" I snapped back.

She gestured wildly with her hands. "And it was a mistake! I realize that now! I _love_ you, Jake! You're my best friend." She cupped my cheeks and brought my face down again, level to hers. "It doesn't matter what happens or who I'm with! You saved me, numerous times, when I was inches away from drawing completely into myself and withering away to nothing! You mean so much to me. How could you ever doubt that?" She squeezed her eyes shut. "My God," she gasped and turned away.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.

She disappeared into her room and I followed. She attempted to slam the door in my face but I prevented it. She didn't look back until she rested on the end of her bed. I strode through the doorway.

I couldn't get too close. The temptation was _so great_. I don't think she had a clue what every brush of her skin did to me.

"Jake, I didn't marry him because…" I watched her. She was struggling to piece her words together correctly. "A lot of things. You were a big part, yes, but…" She looked remorseful. "There's my dad, my mom, my friends, the pack, and all the tiny things in life, like enjoying the taste of chocolate, or blushing… simple things like that would disappear too."

Typical girl. _Chocolate_. I laughed.

She grinned. My insides _melted_. "Jake…Jake, I'm serious. Being with you…" She was overflowing with euphoria. "…You brought me out of the darkest time in my life and kept me whole when I was close to never recovering. You made me realize there's more than Edward, and an eternity is the farthest thing from living. You were, and still are, my sun."

She rose, placing her hands in mine. "I want to give _us _a chance… to _try_. I want to…" She sighed. "I _need _to _kiss _you, touch you, spend time with you, _be _with you…" Her tone switched towards the end, and the almost seductivelook she gave me when she said _'be'_ sent the blood rushing to my groin.

Fuck._ Clean thoughts, Jake. Quil wearing a dress_. That worked.

_Oh shit_. She wrapped her arms around me. "With Edward…It was so quick. It took me yearsto realize I was in love with you. I never got a chance to experience a traditional relationship with Edward. It was an 'it's only been a few weeks but I'm in love, let's get married so I can spend forever with you' type thing. I-I _can't_ do that. It's not what I want."

I was _burning_ with passion and bliss. I was on cloud nine, damn it. She wanted me; she wanted to be with me. I didn't have to force her to admit her feelings like I'd done in the past. She wanted this. I'd finally have her. No Edward to divide us.

"Stay." Our eyes linked. She'd managed to slide over to the bed, her back against the pillows. "Stay with me until I'm ready to return to Forks. I just…" She fussed with the covers. "I want you to myself for a while."

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Don't you have a roommate?"

Her legs crossed. "I doubt she'd mind. She's hardly home. But if that's a problem…" She sidetracked and fluffed her pillows, blushing.

She honestly thought I'd want to go back after discovering she was alive and wanted a relationship with me?

Her pretty little head was so delusional sometimes.

"Ok," I shrugged. Her smile lit up the room. She advanced like she wanted to leap into me arms, but stopped short, clearing her throat.

I felt nervous. "Where do I stay? The couch?" I pointed towards the living room.

She shook her head. "No." She patted the space next to her, her cheeks on fire. "Here."

No. Not a good idea. I was all for us being couple, but sleeping in the same bed with her when I wanted to ravish her senseless? Definitely not. It was too soon. My body would **not** be able to behave.

She read my mind. "I-I mean…uh…n-not like that…just…" She looked so vulnerable. "Hold me?" Her eyes trained on mine. I nodded. I could never deny her.

But, could she _feel_ that electric current between us? My nerves were tingling.

I broke her gaze to remove my shirt. I felt her eyes examining every muscle in my back and heard her breathe in sharply. I was…self conscious.

Me. _Jacob Black_. _**Self-conscious**_.

This womanhad me whipped already.

I crawled in the bed, occupying the spot next to her, lying on top of the covers. I rested my head on my elbow, as she shifted closer. "No covers?

She placed her hand on my jaw, tracing it with her fingers. I was glad I'd decided to clean up before I drove here.

I couldn't resist. I kissed her knuckles and listened as her heart sped up. "I've got my own heater right here," she whispered

She shuffled closer, extracting her hand from my face, resting both her hands against me chest. Her silky, ivory skin contrasted with my russet skin. There was something about a girl with skin shades lighter than mine that made my heart throb. Her head nestled against my shoulder and I wrapped the arm I'd been resting my head on around her, tugging her so she was flesh against my body. She took a deep breath after peering into my eyes and her chest pressed against mine.

I strategically positioned my crotch away from her.

This girl was going to kill me.

I grazed her bare arm softly with the back of my free hand, soaking up the warmth she shed. Moments later, her eyes trailed to my chest where her hands were as her fingers tapped along with my rapidly fluttering heart.

My voice was thick with desire as I muttered, "What are you doing?"

She shivered, _because of my voice_? She smiled, meeting my eyes. "Just reassuring myself that you're here and alive…" She placed a kiss on my chest, tickling my skin. I quivered. She peeked at me from beneath her eyelashes "…And showing you why I chose you."

_Are we back now where it all began_

_Have you finally forgiven me?_

* * *

(A/N: Photos of the wolf pack (minus Leah) are up on my photo bucket account/Jacob-Black-n-Pack account.)


	7. Chance

Disclaimer: See previous chapter. Lyrics: I Will Possess Your Heart- Death Cab for Cutie

* * *

**Chapter 5: Chance**

_How I wish you could see the potential, the potential of you and me_

_You reject my advances and desperate pleas_

_I won't let you, let me down so easily_

_(Bella's POV)_

I woke with a start as Autumn screeched, "Jacob Black, what _the fuck_ are you doing here?"

The warmth wrapped around me evaporated instantly as I heard a loud thump signaling Jacob had toppled off the bed, landing on the floor. Somehow the sheets had bunched up around me, and I struggled to sit up as Autumn roughly belted Jacob with her oversized Gucci purse. He was shielding his face with his hands as he tried to get the words out. "Hey. _Hey_!"

I untangled myself and rushed to Autumn who was mid aim. "Autumn! I can explain!" She paused and Jacob got to his feet.

It dawned on me, how did she know it was him?

Autumn approached him and kicked his heel. "You _mutt_! Couldn't you have called first?"

Jacob attempted to charge her but I stopped him, reaching for his arm just as he shouted at Autumn, "I don't have a cell phone, you _fucking hybrid_!"

I shot Jacob a look, and glanced from him to Autumn, confusion marking my face. "Wait, what?"

"I drive up and there's a motorcyclein my driveway," Autumn addressed me, while indicating Jacob. "My first thought, good for Bella! She has a guy over! My second thought, what if someone broke in and you were in danger." She marched towards Jacob. I placed a hand on her shoulder, stilling her as she finished. "I walk into your room and he's on your bed." She was face to face with Jacob, standing to her full height in heels, measuring him up. I could've sworn I saw him puff his chest out and stand up taller as well. "…When he's been missing for months!"

She swatted his chest. Jacob rubbed the spot she had smacked. "Ow…" He actually looked pained.

"I'm surprised Embry didn't call you about me!"

She glared. "_Embry_ hasn't spoken to me in a few weeks; he's been busy with work."

They fought like they were brother and sister.

I pushed my body in between them, facing Jacob with my back towards Autumn. I placed my hands on his chest, meeting his eyes. "Relax." He cupped one of my hands, causing me to shudder.

I reluctantly broke contact with Jake and confronted Autumn. I pointed an accusatory finger at her and she jerked back as it came close to her face. "_You_ need to explain Embry and the term _hybrid_ to me, now." Jake's hand was on the small of my back. I struggled to concentrate on my words as he rubbed circles against my skin. _My God…_

Autumn slapped his hand away. "Jacob, stop it! If you guys are planning to have sex anytime soon, let me know, ok? I'd rather not be in the room." I blushed and Jake backed away immediately, choosing to stand by my side instead.

I snapped out of it. "Autumn!" I turned to Jacob. "You too_._" He shrugged and gave me an innocent, what-did-I-do look. I continued, "What the hell?"

Jacob's squinted at me and then gawked at Autumn, disconcerted. "You didn't tell her?"

Oh God. _Were they…had they_…? My face fell and my stance weakened. "Tell me what?" I shouldn't assume anything, but my mind couldn't help but think otherwise.

Jacob rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to speak, but Autumn interrupted, crossing her arms. "I'm not…" She sighed, keeping her eyes to the floor. "I'm not human, Bella."

Well, that was unexpected. My eyes were as wide as saucers, "What? I would've known." What was the deal with me being a magnet for creatures that shouldn't exist? "You aren't cold but…are you half human, half vampire or something?".

Jacob burst out laughing. Autumn failed to suppress her laughter as she joined him, her eyes watering. "Bella, are you kidding me? **That**is absurd. Vampires can't reproduce with humans. Female vampires can't procreate at all."

I was picking up a weird vibe of déjà vu over something that hadn't occurred, but would have if I selected a different path in my life.

I was frustrated and glowered between the two. "Would you just tell me?"

The laughing subsided and Jake was beside me in a second, his hand on my waist. I shut my eyes. Every single touch we exchanged made me lose my train of thought, and we'd only been near each other for a few hours. He glanced down at me. "Bella, she's half werewolf and half…" His face contorted. "…_leech_."

I froze. "No. That's impossible. The blood doesn't intermingle…"

Autumn recovered and her expression turned serious. "No…the _venom_ doesn't. The blood of one species evens out the side effects of the other, which is why you can't visibly tell what I am. I don't change and I don't crave blood. I'm the only one of my kind. Why do you think I know the Cullen's so well? Carlisle has been studying me for about 50 years now…" _Five Decades_. She'd been alive for longer than I'd predicted. "My mother descended from wolves and my father was a vampire."

"I still can't wrap my brain around how a mixed breed is possible," Jacob joked. _My thoughts exactly._

This new source of information had me pacing between the two, running my hand through my hair in, deep in thought. I eventually came to a halt in front of Autumn. "What about Embry? Did he imprint on you or vice versa?"

Autumn shook her head, grinning. "No." Her eyes glazed over, almost like she was day dreaming, "I've been dating him for about five months now."

"And you neglected to tell me this, why?" I said, displeased.

She was exasperated. "It didn't seem important at the time. I was focusing on you, Bella!" _Oh, yeah_…

Jacob butted in, wrapping his arms around my waist from the side. My body relaxed and I sunk into his embrace, resting my head on his chest, delaying my thought process of forming questions to ask Autumn. He pulled away, and unaware to their eyes, I stumbled forward at the loss of contact.

"I'm stunned she's gone this long without seeing him. They fuck like bunnies." My eyes shot daggers at Jacob for the bluntness of his statement.

Embry…had sex. Shy, sweet, although slightly perverted, Embry was _having sex_, **frequently**, with my gorgeous, voluptuous, blond, best friend.

Autumn playfully punched Jacob in the shoulder. "Shut up." I felt jealous at how much at ease they were with each other.

Autumn's ever attentive eye caught on. "Bella, honey, are you serious?" She seized my arms. "Jacob and me…We have never been together and never will be. He's attractive, but I only have eyes for Embry. Cross my heart." One of Autumn's best traits was that she never lied. I beamed and gave her a hug.

Jacob was reclined in the chair by the door, watching us. Autumn suddenly wheeled around, facing him. "_You_. Why are you here_?_"

He came to her side and spoke to her, maintaining a fixed stare on me. "I had to make sure she was alive." He smiled widely. I returned the smile, blushing, tucking my hair behind my ear as a nervous habit.

"You can stay," Autumn abruptly said.

"Huh?" Jacob said, dazed.

"Did you not hear me? You can stay."

Jacob arched an eyebrow. "That easily?"

"Of course." Jacob's mouth curved into a grin. I must have missed something, because Autumn glared. "Don't you dare make any 'I'm easy' jokes, _canine! _I **will** kill you." Childishly, Jacob stuck out his tongue. I snickered.

"Want to know why I'm letting you stay?" She suddenly looked at me. "The smile she gave you moments ago? I haven't seen that smile, ever. She's glowing." She bounced over to me, planting a kiss on my cheek. "I better stock up on some food. You can go back to sleep now." _Did she ever sleep_? She gave Jacob a sinister look; he winked.

As soon as the door shut behind her, Jacob instantly grabbed my waist and lifted me up into his arms. I squeaked and locked my legs around him, clasping my hands together behind his neck. I was level with his eyes, intoxicated by his enthusiasm. My smile refused to disappear.

He placed a light kiss on my nose, tickling me. "I guess you're stuck with me for a while…" He grinned and I responded accordingly by blushing; I couldn't stop.

I stroked his mouth, sneaking a fleeting look into his eyes, which were now a murky shade of brown. "I think I can deal with that."

Jacob was _here_. Autumn, my devoted female friend, who was a crossbreed between a vampire and a werewolf, was allowing him to stay.

Everything was perfect. Or if not perfect, close enough.

* * *

_A few weeks later_

I'd been living in bliss the past few weeks. Although I had little time to spend with Jacob due to my job, every moment filled by his presence was satisfying enough. Autumn and he proved to be quite the entertainment, bickering like siblings, which was one of the most amusing things I'd witnessed. Autumn made Jacob sleep on the pull out couch, saying he needed to keep his distance until I was ready to take the next step. According to the mind of Autumn, close contact in a bed was the Garden of **all** Temptation.

Little did neither she nor Jacob know I was forcing myself to resist the attraction I'd held for Jacob for so long, but never acted on, in fear _I'd_ lose control.

It didn't help that he was teasing me, testing my breaking point. It was already enough that he'd walk around the house shirtless _all the time_, leaving his perfectly sculpted, tanned body exposed for my hungry eyes. I'd spend hours watching him complete yard work or toying with cars. (Autumn had snagged him a job at a locally owned auto repair shop up the road. I'd visit him on my breaks.)

He also hadn't kissed me, I mean, _really _kissed me. The last time he'd deposited even a feeble kiss on my mouth had been our encounter weeks ago after he managed to track me down. I knew he was taking things slow, going at my pace, but this was agonizingly slow. He would kiss me, but it'd be light pecks, either closed-mouthed or open-mouthed against my face (avoiding my lips), my neck, my shoulders (if left bare), my hands, my wrists. Each touch would be so electrifying that the heat would flow through me, causing me to lose my concentration or my balance. The feelings I'd been developing _down below_ were aching to be released.

Embry had come to visit a few days ago and was planning to stay for at least a few more weeks. I'd missed him just as much as I longed for the other people in my life I hadn't seen since before the wedding. I'd also deemed myself lucky to have been lodging on the opposite side of the house from Autumn's room. When she had her door closed, you did not venture near. Jake had been staying on the sofa in my bedroom for the same reason, which made matters worse because there wasn't a wall separating us. He was a few feet from my bed. It was like he and I were locked in a nonstop war of lust over who would give in first, even if it was only a kiss_._

I was lying by the lake, sunning in the lawn chairs alongside Autumn, sipping a mixed drink, called 'Sex on the Beach'. _How fitting_. The boys had driven gleefully in Autumn's car (Her car was an exotic car lover's wet dream) to the convenient store to shop for food for dinner. Jacob, Autumn, and I had planned in advance so all three of us had this day off. The forecast said the sunshine would be out all day, so we took the opportunity.

In fact, it felt like the sun had been out nonstop, combined with pleasant weather, since Jakeand I were reunited. I grinned.

Autumn peered at me from over the top of her sunglasses. "Spill. Are the two of you…together?"

I had my eyes closed and opened them to speak to her. "Um…" I laughed nervously, sitting up in the chair. "…Y-Yeah.I thought it was obvious."

Autumn shrugged, her freckled shoulders contrasting perfectly with the barely-there, white bikini she wore. She could actually fill out a bikini. I had opted for tiny board shorts and a bathing suit halter top, covering my stomach, but revealing a tiny bit of cleavage on my chest (Autumn's idea, of course).

Why did I always surround myself with beautiful people again? I felt so pasty in the constant presence of Jake, Embry, and even Autumn.

"I'm not implying it wasn't, but…" She continued, playing with her straw. She scrutinized me. "Why did you choose him?"

It was one of those topics I'd avoided discussing with her since I came to her so many months ago. She wasn't asking about the past, she was inquiring about _the now_.

I lifted my leg over the edge of the chair, turning my body to face her, crossing my legs and meeting her eyes. She mimicked my movements. "I guess…when Jacob was there, with me, when Edward left, I'd been in denial about my growing feelings for him. I was so torn at the time. I'd considered being with him right before Alice came to reveal Edward was in Italy, on a self-destructive journey. I dropped Jacob without a single second thought." I remembered his tormented expression and shivered, rubbing my arms. "I _used_ him…and then there was the battle with Victoria and he told me to kiss him because, although unforeseeable, it was likely he could get killed. I was…" I gasped "…T-terrified of losing him…and _the kiss_…" My body reacted to the memory and I let out a tiny noise sounding very much like a girl in love.

Autumn smirked. "It had to be one hell of a kiss to compel you envision your life with him, while simultaneously causing you to realize you were in love with him."

I went to her side, plopping down beside her, holding her hands. She laughed. I knew my expression must've been hilarious; I was blushing and smiling so hugely my mouth cramped. "Autumn, _the heat_." I shook my head, still smiling widely.

She was howling like a maniac, grasping my hand between her own, trying to alleviate the shakes my body projected. "Calm down." She looked mischievous. "I guess that explains why the sex is so good…" She unconsciously licked her lips.

Oh God. Bad images. Her and Embry. _No thanks_. I rolled my eyes and returned to my seat. "That's the problem," I confessed.

I heard Autumn shift in her seat. "Say that again."

I bravely met her eyes. "He hasn't kissed me like _that _since then." I pouted.

"Aw, poor Bella!" She taunted, reaching for her magazine. "You're quite the sexually deprived being!"

My face flamed and I threw a towel at her. "Shut up!" She caught the piece of cloth, I sat up straighter, snatching my book from the table between us. "Don't rub it in."

Embry sure as hell made the **demon** come out of Autumn.

_Yuck_. More pornographic pictures I didn't need.

I continued, answering the question she relayed minutes earlier about my choice. "What I'm doing now is just living in the moment. I never gave him a chance to prove we could be romantically involved, so _this_, what he and I have now, is an opportunity." Autumn nodded in understanding.

Embry emerged out of nowhere and positioned his hands under Autumn's back and knees, scooping her up into his arms. "Asshole! I knew you were there!" She shrieked, latching on to his arms. He carried her to the side of the lake, cackling. I couldn't help but watch them. Sexual encounters aside, they really did love each other_._

A pair of familiar, warm, calloused hands entrapped my waist, causing me to jump slightly. Jacob nuzzled my neck "Hey beautiful," he said, in the scratchy voice I had learned to love. He placed a kiss behind my ear, gently nibbling my earlobe. _That _was new. My eyes closed instinctively and I let out a low moan. "Jake…" His hands slid under my top, caressing my stomach. Warmth pooled in my center and my head lulled back against his chest, urging him to continue.

The moment was ruined when he suddenly hauled me over his shoulder. "Jacob!" I squealed. I tapped his back. "Put me down, damn it!"

"How about…no," he laughed. _Jerk_.

Jake did have quitethe marvelous back. I noted the way his muscles flexed beneath his skin. Just as I was about to join in his game, I was tossed from his shoulder into the cool depths of the lake. Coming up for air, I treaded water and sputtered, glaring at Jacob who was laughing at me from the dock, "You're going to pay for that, Black!" I eyed Autumn nearing Jacob from behind and she unexpectedly shoved him in. Embry materialized behind her, hoisting her up by the waist and holding her against his chest. She was kicking and screaming like a toddler, which was hilarious to observe. She stood to her feet on the end of the dock, preventing him from pushing her in. She managed to get a good grip on his shorts (well of coursethat distracted him. Typical guy) and tugged him in after her.

I began to search for Jacob. His presence was behind me within a moment and he pulled me against his chest.

I placed my arms against his forearms, lacing our fingers together. I buried my head into the crevice of his neck, brushing my nose and lips against his Adam's apple. In response, he turned his head against mine, drawing me closer as I floated. "Surprise."

"I didn't know where you were for a second," I breathed into his neck. He laughed into my hair, sending warm shivers down my spine.

He spun me around so I was hovering in front of him, facing him. The water in this section of the spring was around 5 ½ feet deep, just deep enough that I couldn't reach the bottom with the flats of my feet. Jacob bent so he was just below level with my face, spinning me around slowly in the water. My legs wrapped around his waist and my hands were propped on his broad shoulders, absorbing the heat that sifted through them. His hand rested on my exposed, upper back, and his other hand gripped my thigh.

He looked at me, sullen. "Can I ask you something?"

I met his eyes, worried. "Yeah. Of course."

"Are you happy?" He looked like the child I remembered for a second, pre-wolf days, as he looked away. "I mean…are you happy withme?"

Was he serious? I had never felt so fulfilled in my life.

I placed my tiny palm against his cheek, bringing his face back to mine. I peered down into his eyes, allowing him to see the warmth, compassion, admiration and unaffected love I felt for him laid on the surface. "I've never been happier." He relaxed, bringing me closer so our noses touched. "Why would I feel any different?"

"So, you're sure about this…you and me…us?" He gulped

I smiled, my fingers patting the short hairs on the back of his neck. "Yeah."

He looked troubled. "We have so much to talk about…"

I transferred my hands to the tops of his shoulders. "Hey…" My index finger was placed his mouth, quieting him. "Shhh…don't ruin the past few weeks for me. We'll talk later. For now, can we just quit thinking about the future, the mistakes we've made in the past, and live in the present? Focus on _this_ moment, nothing else."

He shot me _my_ smile. "Ok. I can do that."

Good decision, Jacob.

* * *

We swam until nearly nightfall, the four of us ending the day with a picnic by the reservoir's edge, watching the sunset. The boys had barbequed. I had to give them props; they did fairly good.

Jacob and I excused ourselves inside. Autumn and Embry became a little too lost in each other. Jacob threatened to castrate Embry, saying to take matters with Autumn to the opposite side of the lake. The result was Embry tackling him and the two of them wrestled briefly, until Embry finally surrendered, and agreed to take Autumn elsewhere for a while.

Jacob and I had showered, not together, unfortunately (not that I was ready for that experience). I was sitting on the couch in the living room, with my legs drawn up to my body, a blanket around my calves. I'd chose to take a more daring step forward and my ensemble included 'booty' shorts, as Autumn referred to them. She also commented, despite my lack of curves, I had a 'nice ass' and should highlight that particular _asset_. Good Lord. Jake walked in just as she spoke and cleared his throat, announcing his presence, and blushed a deep shade of red. I had been so embarrassed.

I also wore a plain white tank top and no bra.

I wasn't plotting to seduce Jacob, but right now I needed to feel wanted. And maybe I'd get the kiss I'd thirsted for since, to be honest, when I said my goodbyes to Jacob so long ago when he was injured in the battle against Victoria.

Jacob appeared from the hallway, his hair damp from the shower, shaking his head like an animal. I giggled. He tossed the towel in my direction. "You going to make dog jokes, Swan?" I shook my head.

Then, I got a good view of his form. He was wearing sweatpants slung so low on his hips that the distinct V of his waist jutted out. My eyes traveled along the thin trail of dark hair beneath his belly button that disappeared below the waistline of his pants. I took in every inch of his uncovered skin as he made his way over to my side on the couch after sticking a DVD in the TV system, oblivious to my struggle to remain in one spot.

When did I get so…_turned on_ by him?

He leaned against the back of the couch, throwing his arm around my shoulder. I snuggled against his chest, inhaling the woodsy, musky scent he possessed, my hand against his stomach. This closeness was new, but not unfamiliar. During the past year, as Jake and I grew closer, it had been so natural for us to touch each other. We had always been affectionate even before we were a couple.

Jacob Blackand I were **together**, and he was my _boyfriend_. Although I don't think the word accurately described our relationship. Soul mates seemed more suitable. Now that I didn't have to conceal my infatuation with him to avoid feeling like a cheater, the affection was different, strengthened, but still comfortable.

Being with him was as easy as breathing.

"Someone's deep in thought." I looked up at Jacob and as he stroked my hair. "I lost you there for a bit." He half smiled.

"Sorry," I apologized. "I was thinking about us and how natural this…" I gestured back and forth between us. "…is."

Jacob laughed. "What did I tell you?"

"I know, I know." I ran my hands nervously against my thighs.

I was tired of waiting. It was time to feel what Iwanted, all reservations aside. I met Jacob's eyes, shooting him a gaze I hoped was partially sexy. "Kiss me." His eyes widened and snapped towards mine.

I moved in closer. "Don't even try to refuse. I want you to kiss me. No holding back."

The words he firmly stated next shocked me. "No."

I felt rejected. My eyes watered. The brief bout of self-confidence I experienced vanished.

"Bella, don't think that I don't wantyou." His voice deepened. My lungs constricted. "But, I'm not going to kiss you, when each time I have formerly was inappropriate." He really was maturing.

My heart soared. "You're joking right."

He looked appalled at my statement. "No. I don't want to make the same mistakes. You and I both agreed to take this slow and I don't want to push you into something you're not ready for. I was so forward in the past when I was fighting for you…"

Fine. I had no problems with his patience, but mine was fading. I was angled towards the rear of the couch and forced his face down to mine. "Jacob," my voice was thick with lust. His entire body stiffened as he turned into my touch. "Shut up."

And then I kissed him, lightly, our lips barely grazing. The single touch was enough to send a spark between the two of us. He cupped my cheek responding to the kiss. It had been too long. I proceeded to kiss his lips briefly for a fraction of a second over and over again. My grip tightened on his arm.

I'd almost forgotten what it was like to kiss him. The fire that had lain dormant within me ignited, spreading though me, filling every molecule within me with fluid-like warmth. I let out an inaudible moan Jacob's keen ears picked up, triggering him to pull me onto his lap as I straddled his hips. I didn't break the kiss, but deepened it, my fingers running through his hair. Jacob's hands left a fiery trail across my body as his hands snuck underneath my shirt, skimming the planes of my back. That activated a response from me and I relocated my position from the tops of his thighs to his crotch, a move that would have been idiotic if I was with someone else.

This was the point, the farthest I'd ever gotten with Edward, with anyonereally. Like clockwork, I figured Jacob would nudge me off his lap leaving me yearning for more.

But he didn't. He pulled me closer, his hands massaging my thighs. This was a first experience for me, feeling _hardness_ through the fabric of his trousers. I was seated on his erection, confined beneath his pants, and the sensation streamed straight through my core.

Jacob let out a groan into my mouth, as his hands returned to my back.

Aside from his laugh and his voice, the sound was one of the most enticing noises I'd heard from him, and encouraged by it, I instantly accelerated things. I sucked on his lower lip, then his top one, moving up and down in his lap, my hands on either side of his face. His tongue pressed against my lips, requesting entrance, and I willingly obliged, our tongues battling. The sweat broke out on my back and Jacob's skin was degrees warmer.

I held back another moan as a pressure built up in my center. The feeling was so intense that I squeezed my thighs together, causing Jacob to pull away from my mouth briefly. "Bells…" He whsipered, huskily. I brought his mouth to mine again and rocked my hips against his lap, my core rubbing against his erection. My hands roamed down his chest.

I needed to get a hold of myself, but the moans spilling from Jacob's mouth entangling with mine caused me to not even think of stopping.

His hands were gliding toward my breasts and his thumb brushed the underside of one, causing me to arch into his touch.

"Whoa. Don't let us interrupt."

Perfect timing, Embry.

In a flash, Jacob removed me from his lap while he squished his own body against the opposite side of the sofa as much as his large frame would allow. A pillow was positioned over his lap and he shot Embry and Autumn a murderous glare. His skin was darkened from the heat we had momentarily shared, his eyes were black with lust, and his lips were swollen.

Idid that.

Autumn's mouth fell open, "No, really…we were just going to my bedroom." I scowled in her direction.

"Need a shower there, Jakey-boy?" Embry smirked.

Jacob got to his feet and chucked the pillow at Embry, who was laughing. I watched Jacob's back as he stalked to the end of the hallway on my side of the house.

"Things get a little _hard_ for you, Jacob?" Embry shouted after him. Jacob flicked him off before withdrawing into the bathroom. I heard the shower start.

I evened out my breathing and stole a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. My hair was disheveled, my eyes were dilated, and my entire face was flushed. _Oh my God_…my shirt was sticking to my chest like a second skin.

Embry was staring at me. Autumn smacked him. "Get to bed." Embry obeyed immediately like a _puppy_, "Yes, _dear_." Autumn gave me a devilish smile and winked as she followed after her lover.

As soon as they disappeared, I collapsed, sinking into the couch. Fuck.

I actually felt my age. No reason to grow up so fast anymore. This is me.

I didn't know how I was going to resist Jacob now.

I didn't think I even wanted to.

_You gotta spend some time love; you gotta spend some time with me_

_And I know that you'll find love, I will possesses your heart_

* * *

(A/N: The idea of Autumn as a hybrid was definitely inspired from the movie _Underworld_ (Now those vampires are what I classify as REAL vampires). Did ya'll see the stab at Breaking Dawn in the first section? I couldn't help myself =) And don't you dare say _horny Bella_ is out of character! How many times did she try to get Edward to sleep with her in the books again? Yeah, thought so. Lol)


	8. Woman

Disclaimer: If I owned Jacob and Bella, they'd be together, having **hot** sex, _all the time_. But, Stephenie Meyer does, and since she's entirely Team Edward and has made millions of readers hate Jacob because they're too blinded by the _sparkles _to see his **awesomeness**, I just read and write fan fiction to satisfy my Jacob and Jacob/Bella love, no charge. Lyrics: Good Enough – Evanescence (This song is _beautiful_. Amy Lee seriously has the most heavenly, _natural_ voice I've ever heard, which is why Evanescence is one of my favorite bands)

(A/N: **Thanks for the reviews, faves, and alerts! **Warning: Sexual content)

* * *

**Chapter 6: Woman**

_Shouldn't let you torture me so sweetly,_

_Now I can't let go of this dream._

_I can't breathe but I feel…_

_Good enough_

_I feel good enough for you_

_Early November_

_(Bella's POV)_

Jacob and I couldn't keep our hands off each other following the kiss we'd shared. We'd find ourselves making outliketeenagers against every available surface in the house. Jacob would bring me to a heightened state of pleasure, close to my first real _release,_ only to pull me back down from my high and refuse to go further.

He was being a gentleman and I respected that, completely. But, I'd never been kissed with such eagerness and urgency (Jacob's kisses, since I could remember, were perpetually loaded with those qualities), and my mind, as well as my body, was impatient for more.

Autumn was excited Jake and I were picking things up in our relationship (yes, she was a gossip lover, always had been), and had taken to teasing us on a daily basis with help from Embry.

Embry had gone back to Forks recently, so Autumn's mood faltered due to his absence, and she advised Jacob and me to keep our 'fooling around' to my bedroom _or else_. Jacob provoked her, claiming it was payback for the way her and Embry went at it. Annoyed, she said we weren't 'fucking_,'_ so it was only a start. I'd blushed red at the statement and Jacob gave up on arguing with her. Autumn always won their disputes. Jacob agreed to sometimes wear a shirt around the house, much to my disappointment. He believed my urge to jump him would wane, and it did, but only by a microscopic fraction. I already knew, intimately, what hid beneath his shirt.

Jacob went out of his way to be romantic, in his own _Jacob way_, taking me on dates, including trips to the beach, restaurants, hiking in the mountains, and the movies. He was ecstatic he was able to spend money to take me out because he had a fairly well paid job, not that I minded. I could care less about money when it came to Jacob; as long as he was here, nothing else mattered. The dates turned into a bi-weekly thing for us and we were establishing ourselves as an actualcouple, displaying our relationship out in the public for everyone to see. There was no reason to hide how I felt about him anymore.

I thought it was adorable how he'd blush like a high school boy asking his crush out for the first time (I had to keep reminding myself he was only 16; it never seemed like he was though). It was like that every time and each experience, kiss we shared remained continuously fresh in my mind, somehow better than the last. I was addicted to his mere presence and touch, and I was falling deeper than I ever had before. I was undeniably happy.

Things were becoming domesticfor us. We were grocery shopping one day, accompanied by Autumn so Jacob didn't spend her weekly bill on junk food. Jacob and I spent the entire shopping trip together, and we'd agree on things we both wanted to purchase. Autumn had fallen back and permitted us to take over. She occasionally poked her head down the aisle we were in to be sure the cart had a decent amount of healthy items inside.

A common occurrence when we were out together, anywhere, was the lustful looks attractive college girls gave Jacob, their eyes scoping his form like he was something to eat, and not in the 'I'm a vampire, I want to suck your blood,' type way either (Did I really just make that reference?). It was more of a 'can I please rip the clothes off your body and have my way with you' look. Basically, how I was feeling lately. Stupid hormones.

Not that I blamed those girls. It's not every day you see a 6'7", perfectly toned, gorgeous, Native American with a smile another person existing doesn't have, unless, of course, you lived in La Push.

Jacob would flirt back, always, because it was in his nature. No man that irresistible, good looking, with a personality as incredible as his kisses (_Calm down, Bella_) would refuse acknowledgements of his general _hotness_. I would take pride in the fact that he was _mine_, but I'd keep my comments to myself. I snapped though, one day, when a customer service attendant in the grocer, her breasts close to popping the buttons of her skin-tight blouse, had the nerve to run her hand along his arm and place a sheet of paper I'm positive held her number into his hand. I immediately rushed to his side, glaring at her as I moved in between them, wrapping my arms around his waist, letting her know I wasn't going to share and she had no right to touch him in that way.

Not that I'd actually said those words out loud. But, I was jealous, and slightly possessive, okay? It happens. I am only human after all.

Jacob had grinned down at me and introduced me to the girl as his girlfriend. I couldn't help the uncharacteristic, smug, tight lipped smile that crossed my face as I greeted her.

She hadn't made eyes at him since.

With him, a part of me was as selfish as I'd always been, cherishing the knowledge that girls found him desirable, and despite their shapely bodies and illegally short dresses, he was with_ me_, and not one of them. Was that really so narrow minded? Didn't every girl deserve a man others lusted after, when knowing in another life he wouldn't look her way? I didn't want to think too much into it.

Apparently, following Embry's return, the Pack, as well as every known citizen in Forks, Washington, knew Jacob and I were official. For a second there, I thought Embry could keep his mouth shut. Seth and Quil were more likely to reveal something I'd been hoping to withhold from those I loved for the time being, like my progressing relationship with Jacob. Obviously, Embry had a big mouth as well.

Who was I kidding, again? I hadn't thought about _him_ at all recently, but there was one person I didn't want to be aware of the relationship yet. I didn't want to dwell on that either, but I knew I'd have to face _him_ sooner or later, preferably the latter.

My mom had given me a call shortly after the news surfaced, and the first words that burst from her mouth were asking me if I was pregnant. Why did mothers have to be so embarrassing? Jacob was listening in the other room and I heard him crash to the floor, laughing hysterically. I was tempted to throw the phone at him, but it was one of the only two landlines in the house, and I didn't want him to engage in conversation with my mother where she'd peg him with right-to-the-point questions.

I informed her I'd been on the pill since she'd demanded I go on it before I moved to Forks, where she said I could put myself in a situation resulting in premarital pregnancy. She continued to lecture me about safe sex and not advancing into things too quickly.

I appreciated her motherly concern for me, her only daughter, but I'd heard this speech before and I was not looking forward to my significant other in the other room listening in. So, I told my mom I was busy and would call her back at another time.

Autumn had a good laugh following the chat with my mother. Of course she'd heard the whole thing_._

It was moments like these when I really hated Jacob and Autumn's acute hearing.

* * *

_And I've completely lost myself, and I don't mind_

_I can't say no to you._

_I feel good enough_

_It's been such a long time coming, but I feel good._

I was wrapped in a towel, shaving my legs, seated on the edge of the tub. And I was nervous, _bone-rattling_ nervous.

My hands were shaking as I eyed the dark blue shirt, and the piece of fabric Autumn referred to as a mix between a thong and a bikini, resting on the sink's edge. I'd even nicked myself a few more times than usual.

Yet, my body was trembling with anticipation.

I was going to take things to the next level with Jacob. Not _that _step, the one where I'd give myself entirely over to him with no room for regrets and a no return policy, but I wanted to feel his skin against my own bare skin.

The vision conquered my mind every time he and I found ourselves locked in a heated embrace. I'd been aroused just at the image of his chest pressed against my own breasts, his hands touching skin that was still left unexplored. One particular night, we'd been so immersed in each other his hand had slipped against the innermost part of my thighs beneath the skirt I was wearing. My subconscious involuntarily imagined his fingers elsewhere, inside of me. I had been rather aggressive that night.

I was…unaware of how certain parts of my body worked. I'd read things, yes, but I'd never actually _explored_ those recesses on my own.

To put it plainly, I'd never touched myself.

So, that longingturned into a conversation with Autumn, asking for tips. The result was where I was now, about to let Jacob know I was ready.

I toweled my legs dry and tugged on the top and black lace underwear. I left my hair damp, choosing to let it air dry. I would've never been caught dead in these clothes if I was with anyone else. But, Jacob wasn't just _anyone_, and things were consistently different with him.

The shirt was just short enough to reveal a sliver of skin between its hem and the brim of the underwear that barely covered my backside. I blushed and immediately turned away from the mirror. What was I doing?

My conscience battled it out. Old, reserved, inexperienced Bella pleaded with me to change and save this for a later time. But new Bella, a mixture of awkward Bella and the Bella involved with Jacob, won, informing me what my body already told me: I wanted this and I'd have to suck up my insecurities if I ever wanted to further experience these desires I'd only ever felt with Jacob.

Autumn was out of the house for the night, working the late shift again, and planned to go clubbing afterwards. She wouldn't be home until well after 3 in the morning.

I took a deep breath and refused to think as I opened the door and tiptoed to my bedroom, playing with the fringe of my shirt, trying to cover my ass. No such luck.

I hesitated in the middle of twisting the door knob, and leaned my head against the door. I squeezed my eyes shut, inhaling once more before entering my room.

Jacob was hunched over the side of my bed, dressed in dark washed denim jeans and a white t-shirt that accentuated every muscle on his back and chest. _God he was beautiful_.

He was searching for what I assumed was the tribal bracelet he'd woven for me. It had been misplaced when I'd accidently knocked the bedside table during one of our heated sessions. He found it, thankfully; it was one of the most precious things I owned. He placed it in the drawer. Smart boy.

"Hey," I breathed.

His lips immediately turned up in a smile as he glanced over at me, kicking his legs up onto my bed, resting against the headboard. Then he froze. He scaled my body from top to bottom with his blackened eyes.

Wow. I blushed as he studied me. Self-conscious, I crossed my arms across my chest and crisscrossed my legs together. I was losing my balance, so I carefully walked over to him, his eyes following my form. No one had ever looked at me like that and I felt the now familiar warmth build up in my abdomen.

"Bella," Jacob said in his trademark voice. I cautiously sat down in the space diagonal to him and crawled in between his legs, positioning myself there as I looked into his eyes. He reached his arms forward and placed his hands on the bare strip of skin of my waist, still taking in every feature now that I was so near to him. I shivered, as his hands slid to my back to pull me closer. "What's this all about?" I let out a tiny, nervous laugh, and shrugged, incoherent because of his burning hands on my waist.

The new and improved Bella resurfaced. I cupped his cheeks with my hands, letting one trail down across his heaving chest. His heart beat was unbelievablyfast. I gripped one of his hands on my waist and brought it upwards. I watched his expression as his gaze followed the path I led our hands to my right breast that fit perfectly in his huge hand. The touch through fabric caused me to moan and my core to boil. In my lust ridden mood, I whispered, in a voice I'd never heard before come from my lips, "Touch me."

_**(A sex scene was here, but because of fanfiction's guidelines you will have to go to my BlogSpot OR my group for this story on JacobBlack-n-Pack linked in my profile to read the scene. JacobBlack-n-Pack has full chapters and BlogSpot will just have the scenes. I hear they're taking down the more graphic stories here, so to be safe, the scene is there- and so will the rest from now on)**_

* * *

Minutes, or even hours later it felt like, I laughed as I recuperated, allowing my mind to function properly. I rolled over to my side, wrapping the sheet around my breasts, curling into the fetal position. I was suddenly embarrassed at what I'd done and I waited for the guilt to take over my senses. All thoughts of shame vanished as I felt Jacob lean over me, moving my hair aside as he dropped a kiss between my shoulder blades, his hand caressing my back. "You don't have to hide from me."

I shifted to catch him sitting up, a goofy grin on his face. I broke out in a smile as I rose up; I'm sure my face looked just as his did at that moment.

My hands pressed against his jean clad legs and lingered over his erection strained against the fabric. Gulping, I slid my finger along his length, looking up in time to witness him let out a moan and his eyes flutter shut. I wanted him to feel the same way he had made me feel, even if I wasn't sure what I was doing. He had to know this was the most amazing feeling ever and I yearned to share it with him. My fingers apprehensively unbuttoned the first button, but his hands cut me off.

My eyes locked with his. "You don't have to do that," he said. I felt myself flush at the passion his voice made me feel. "There's no need to reciprocate. This was about _you_." He deposited a chaste kiss against my lips. "I need a shower." Yeah, I bet you do. "And so do you…again**.**" What? Could he…_smell _me? I blushed, covering my face with my hands, as he grinned and disappeared through the doorway.

* * *

After showering, I slipped into one of Jacob's t-shirts and put on a comfortable pair of underwear, my legs still trembling from the aftershocks of my orgasm. Old Bella was back, for now. I found Jacob on the porch outside, reclined on the rocking couch, clothed in a shirt and boxer shorts. I was utterly exhausted, but I had to tell him what was happening to me. He smirked, his cheeks darkening, and I imitated him, brushing a stray hair behind my ear as I perched my body adjacent to to his. I sprawled my legs across his lap, and his hands automatically rested on my knees, clutching my legs to him. I leant forward enough so I could toy with his ring and pinky finger, seizing them in my own hand.

I met his eyes. "Can I tell you something?" His hand started to run along my knees and up my thighs, back and forth. Although my body was responding, the touch was innocent, so I allowed him to continue as I fidgeted with his fingers. "I've never done that before," I stuttered.

"I know." I was alarmed. How would he know I was so untainted_?_ "I mean, you felt…" he rephrased. I arched an eyebrow. I knew where he was going, but I still wasn't sure what he was attempting to say. "Are you going to make me say it?" He sighed. I shot him a look. "Fine…you were tight…" I blushed. **Oh**. _How could he know the difference…?_ My thoughts were abruptly cut off as he continued, "And the way you reacted…" His mind wandered momentarily, and then he came back down to earth. "You never did anything like this with Edward?" There, one of the elephants in the room was addressed.

"That's the understatement of my life," I snorted. I found myself mesmerized by his hands.

Even before I realized I was attracted to Jacob, I'd just watch his strong, beautiful, massive hands. And now I knew what they were capable of, besides sprucing up cars and holding me close, and I could hardly find anything more intriguing.

I hesitated. "You remember that night, weeks ago, when you kissed me?"

He grinned. "How could I forget?"

"When you didn't stop me that was the farthest I'd gone with anyone."

He was shocked. "With how in love you were with Edward, I reckoned you'd already slept with him."

Now it was my turn to be dumbfounded. "Edward's too…old fashioned for that. He was always terrified of harming me, so he wouldn't go any further. I tried, countless times to get him to sleep with me…" Jacob grimaced and averted his gaze. I understood he didn't want to talk about my relationship with Edward; it'd been a sensitive topic between us since the beginning, but he needed to know. I reached my hand out and turned his cheek back towards my face. "Hey, let me finish." I dropped my hand and clasped his hands in mine. "…so, I felt rejected. A small part of me wanted to marry him to make love with him." How immature had I been? "But, I realized that wasn't what I longed for. With my parents as a _prime example_, I've never been into the idea of marriage, at least not this soon. Being with you, kind of woke me up, even before I knew I was capable of sexual desire. I'd lean into your touch; try not to gawk too much when you'd walk around bare-chested…" Jacob laughed. "And you realized I was physically attracted to you, maybe even more so than Edward at the time, even though my thoughts would never admit it. What did you say to me again?" I was asking myself, taking my mind back to the past to remember his words, when Jacob answered the question, presuming it was for him.

He scratched the back of his neck. "_'You have to know how aware you are of me, physically'_?"

I pointed a finger. "That! And you also said I preferred you as a wolf because I could pretend I wasn't _excited_ by you…and you were right."

He gave me a 'you're kidding_'_ look. "You said it was because I couldn't talk."

I gave him a flirty smile. "But you knew better."

"Yeah, I was pretty full of myself wasn't I?" He quipped.

I tossed my head back, laughing heartily. "You should be…" My hand coasted upward along his wrist, tracing the pronounced vein on his forearm. "I don't even have words to describe how captivating you are to me." He blushed and I continued my explanation to him. "My body responded to yours before I'd even accepted it, like I've been saying. It was never like that with Edward. I was very attracted to him, but the warmth that I've been feeling since I decided to be with you, is new, and unrestrained. I don't have to be careful with you."

I'd finally told him what I'd kept inside for months. I regarded his expression. "Go on…"

He knew I wasn't finished. I carefully organized my next words, still stroking his hands, trying to distract myself with something. "So, what we've done, I've never experienced. And my body is doing things I didn't know it was capable of. I'm allowing myself to feel this _fire _with you, because, yes, I've denied myself from it for so long, but it's not uncomfortable like it should be. Things are easy with you; you are the one I was supposed to experience this with for the first time." An ashamed expression flew across his face for the faintest second. I'm sure he hoped I hadn't caught it, but I did, and I wasn't sure if it was fortunate that I had.

Recovering, he grinned suggestively. "So, that was your first orgasm?"

My eyes widened and I slapped his arm, flinching from the pain. "Yes_,_" I mumbled, gritting my teeth. He snatched my hand immediately and began massaging the limb between his own, warmth gushing through my body.

"I'm sorry. I was curious. I-I shouldn't have…" He was shaking his head and stumbling over his words.

He looked so defenseless that my face softened and I kissed his mouth briefly, nuzzling my nose against his own. "Don't apologize." I spoke, kindly. "I'm glad it was you and not someone else." He relaxed. "And I'm looking forward to more," I whispered.

Whoa. Did I just say that?

He pulled away. "So this _is _about sex?"

I cupped his cheeks and stared into his eyes. "No. How many times do I need to tell you? The physical aspect is a plus. I am insanely happy with you. You're my sun, remember? I love you, I always have and I always will. I'm _in_ love with you and I choose you."

His trademark smile returned. "Yeah, me too." I kissed his mouth. "That's not what I want to hear," I laughed against his lips. His lips crept down my neck, and he stroked my thighs beneath the shirt I wore, as I finished my statement. He brought his face to mine and gazed into my eyes.

It was the smoldering stare that always made my weak in the knees, and now made me _drip_ with desire. "You know I love you. Nothing's ever going to change that. Not imprinting, because I'll fight it, and not even if you leave me for some other guy." Tears collected in the corner of my eyes and I invited him into a hug, holding him close, wrapping my arms around his neck. "I'm not going to," I spoke into his ear, the tears flowing. I pressed my face into his neck. "I can't be away from you. Not again." His arms encircled my waist. I brought my face to his, wiping a tear that trickled down his cheek. "And you can't leave me. Ever again."

"I'm not going to," he whispered, caressing my face. "This time, I mean it." I kissed him fiercely as if I had so little time left with him.

A storm was brewing. Things were going too well_._ And a nagging voice in my mind repeated that, in time, he'd leave me, maybe not physically, but there'd be another girl. He was young; he'd fall in love again, like I had with him, while I was with Edward.

It was almost inevitable, as much as it would tear me to shreds, and rip my innards out one by one.

Something told me I was going to get my heart broken, in more ways than I could envision.

But, right now, I shut my mind down, and focused on him, and what was happening in this moment, nothing else. _No one else_, but me and him, together_._

Because if I thought about the future, the heartbreak loomed closer than I predicted.

And I wasn't ready for it.

I wasn't ready to lose him, my Jacob, for good.

In my world, perfection, after all, was only temporary.

_And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall._

_Pour real life down on me._

'_Cause I can't hold on to anything this good enough._

* * *

(A/N: I want to explain what Bella's going through with these experiences she has with Jacob. It's something along the lines of a _sexual awakening_. I believe nearly every male or female, regardless of their sexual preference, goes through that. Bella's _becoming a woman_, so I thought the title for the chapter was fitting. **Oh, and those quotes referenced above in the last section are from Eclipse, page 478**.)


	9. Stripped

Disclaimer: What you recognize isn't mine. Lyrics: Inside of You- Hoobastank

(A/N: I'm nervous about this chapter and I'm not entirely satisfied with it, but I did what I could. **Warning: sexual content. **Pay attention to the dates!)

* * *

**Chapter 7: Stripped**

_Just ask and I will do_

_Anything you want me to_

_There is no limit _

_To how far I will go…_

_And I'm sure I can't pretend to be a gentleman…_

_Mid- November_

_(Bella's POV)_

Autumn was up to something and had to be afraid of our reactions to whatever it was she was hiding.

She was _cooking_.

Autumn never cooks. Ido, and she helps. And she was cooking gourmet food.

I was perched on the stool at the dining room table. Jacob was in the chair adjacent mine, his bare arm pressed against my side. We were eying Autumn suspiciously as she bustled around the kitchen, stirring food on the stove and reading directions on boxes.

She stopped and sighed. "You two can quit burning holes into my back. I'll tell you what's going on in a minute." Jacob and I exchanged looks and engrossed ourselves with other activities; I flipped through the magazine I held while he stared at the vacant space on the glass table in front of him.

Autumn arranged various dishes along the center of the table as Jacob and I scoped out the selections.

"What the fuck is this all about, _Blondie_?" He sneered. I hit his ankle with my foot, glancing up as Autumn placed a plate in front of me.

She smacked Jacob's head and he winced, rubbing the spot she struck. "Don't question me and just eat, _mongrel_."

She sat across from us. Irritated, I dropped my napkin onto my plate and positioned my elbows on the table, turning to Autumn. "What is going on?"

Autumn gave up postponing her motives and, overwhelmed, she stood to her feet, patting down the pockets of her black skinny jeans "I'm moving to Forks."

Jacob's head popped up. "What? Why?"

Autumn started to pace, fastening her hands together, twiddling her fingers. "The rent's almost expired on the house. We all have to gone by December 6th. The movers are coming next week to pack every piece of furniture, except a scant few for the two of you. I'll be loading up my own possessions as well. I'll be leaving November 30th."

I was upset. "On such short notice? Why didn't you tell me…_us_?"

"What are Bella and I supposed to do?" Jacob said, outraged.

Autumn shrugged. "Stay here until December 6th if you'd like. I already scheduled the movers to gather your belongings in December if you decide to remain until then. I'm driving up there and I booked a flight for you both to fly out."

She'd been organizing this without our consent, and it bothered me. Mainly because it brought me to one conclusion: I'd have to return to Forks in December. Reality would set in and the dream I'd been living in would end. I'd have to face the past sooner, rather than later.

"I've already purchased an apartment right outside the Quileute Reservation," she continued. "Embry's moving in with me. Also, I'll be nearer to Carlisle; he's close to figuring out how I'm possible and what I'm capable of."

"'What you're capable of?'"

She met my eyes, crossing her arms. "I don't know how strong I am. Why do you think I live on a fucking mountain?" She gestured to the room around us and the view through her windows. "It's so I can test that strength away from wandering eyes. And I have to move, or the freaking King Vampires in Europe will track me down."

I bristled and inhaled deeply, squeezing my eyes shut, bringing my hand to my forehead. "The Volturi, of course."

"Who?" Jacob said, confused.

Autumn rolled her eyes. "The Italian bloodsuckers Mafia, in terms youcan understand."

Jacob laughed sarcastically. "Ha. You have jokes, too."

Autumn's attention turned back to me. "You think you're the only one they're interested in, Bella?" I felt Jacob's eyes snap to my form, deliberating what Autumn's had revealed. "I'm a hybrid, an abomination in their eyes. I'm always on the run, like I'm a criminal, for goodness sake! If they ever captured me, they'd either butcher me or slice me open, dissecting me for answers. I'd much rather prefer Carlisle's blood tests than their ways of _experimenting_."

Jacob's chin was on his hand. He looked pitiful. "So we have to go back. No choice there."

Autumn nodded. "Basically, yeah. Besides, hasn't Sam already kicked your ass for running to Canada? I'm sure you won't have to endure it again. Though, it's not like you couldn't take him yourself. I've seen you in wolf form; you're his size, probably bigger"

"Screw that. I have no reason to confront him again, ever. I'm practically Alpha, anyways, and he's not too happy about that"

Uh, when did this happen?

"Oh and you have your own pack now?" Autumn snapped back.

"Are you kidding me? I'd rather jump off a cliff…" That hurt. Nice stab, Jake. "…that would actually harm me, than become Alpha. There are too many responsibilities. Beside's Sam's an ass."

I'd never been fond of Sam; I'd just admired and envied his relationship with Emily. My mood abruptly changed. Dejected, I had a brief vision that I'd eventually be in Leah's shoes. I looked at Jacob and he noticed my expression. He didn't say a word as wrapped his arm around me, pulling me against his warm side, kissing the top of my head. My eyes closed instinctively at the contact.

Focusing his attention back to Autumn, he said, "Sam wasn't the one that beat me up; Embry did. I let him"

Embry would never…why would he?

Autumn gave him a deadly glare. "I wonder why." Jacob glowered back and they engaged themselves in a staring competition across the table.

Why did I always feel I was left out and unable to comprehend what the hell was going through their minds?

Autumn lost the contest and turned to me, smirking. Oh no. "At least I can have some alone time with Embry without worrying who will walk in or _hear_."

Oh, she was good. Bitch.

"I don't think I could last any longer here," she teased. "I don't even want to know what Jacob does, but Bella, you're loud."

Did she really just say that? I blushed immediately and tucked my head to the side, retracting myself from Jacob. He turned away as well, chewing his fingernails, his cheeks a rich red as well.

She wasn't finished. "So, now that I'll be away, you're free to express yourself _vocally_ whenever you want." Would it ever end? My entire body flushed and Jacob shifted uncomfortably.

As much as he and I were comfortable together in any of _those_ situations, when someone drew attention to our _affairs_, the awkwardness reigned. On another note, I'd have him to myself for a week. Forgetting Autumn was in the room, I met Jake's gaze, gently biting my lower lip as my heavy-lidded eyes traveled down his body. His eyes widened and he grinned, inconspicuously covering his crotch with his hands (or so he thought).

Despite the nervousness already seeping through my pores, I officially declared our week secluded would be the best week ever.

Yeah, I wanted him; and I didn't think it would stop anytime soon, at all really. I'd be _his_.

* * *

_Late November_

"What about my bike?" Jacob was concerned, looking at his 'baby,' as he spoke to Autumn.

She rested beside me on the hood of her car. "It'll be fine, _darling_. She'll be secure in the truck. Pinky promise." She held out her finger and Jacob snickered as he laced his own pinky through hers. "You better."

As the movers advanced on his bike, Jacob ambled after them, shooting me a smile, and petting my thigh as he swaggered past me. _Tease_. I grinned back, playfully shoving him away as I hopped off the car, coming to my feet in front of Autumn.

She gave me a naughty, 'Iknow how good me leaving is for you,' look. "So…one week completely alone."

I started drawing patterns in the dirt with my bare big toe, following the trail I left with my eyes. "I don't know how I'm going to go through this without your guidance." I laughed nervously.

"Just go with your instinct." She tugged my sleeve as she led me to the driver's side of her car, leaning her back against it. "If you need me, I'm just a phone call away."

I met her eyes, nodding. "I know." I rubbed my hands over my face, unsure. "I still don't know what I'm doing or if anything will happen."

She studied a point in the distance. "And you think he does?"

It had struck my mind, briefly, that Jacob knew what he was doing when it came to sex. His hands had mastered my body swiftly, and while the touches made me erupt with desire, I'd been skeptical. I always chucked the thought aside though, taking it as my own sexual anxiety.

Autumn changed the subject. "You must know what it's like to be away from someone you're in love with for long periods of time, right?"

Of course I did. Edward had left me for months, and I'd taken to attempting suicide, became emotionally numb, and nearly beyond repair. Jacob had left, too, and his absence had made me realize several things, mainly I needed him in different ways than Edward. Edward was an unhealthy addiction, a drug that I was hopelessly dependent on. I had been consumed with the feelings of first love when I was with him. But, Jacob was the _air_, _the sun_. He was, and still is, an addiction, but a beneficial one, not a degrading one. And while I was able to quit the drug that would lead me to a disastrous end of the life I'd known, Jacob encouraged me to _live_, and he made me whole, completed me. I couldn't live without him.

"It's like that with Embry. I hate not being able to see him. So this 'change of residence' puts me closer to him, and I no longer have to worry we'd lose that connection we had from the day I first met him, or that he'd forget me. It hurts to be away from him, as much as I play it off like it doesn't bother me."

"I know. I know exactly how you feel."

She was visibly upset again. "I had nothing living here, except a job, until you came along and my past was thrown in my face. My parents were murdered ruthlessly by the Volturi for disobeying the 'laws of nature' shortly after I was born, so I don't have them." I didn't know that, and I immediately sought to comfort her, gripping her hand. Over the months, I'd been gathering parts of Autumn's life, and this was just another piece to the puzzle of her history. "…and now…" Her face brightened. "I'll be near my friends, Embry, the Cullen's; I even have another job lined up for me already, compliments of Esme and Carlisle. It'll be a safe zone for me, you know?" She grasped my hand tighter. "Christ, Bella, I've been with numerousguys in my 70 years of existence and not once have I fallen in love like this, until now. Maybe it's a combination of the imprinted ideals of the werewolf blood in me, which did not happen between me and Embry, or the vampire side finding its mate. But he's where I want to be, like you here with Jacob." I smiled. A horn honked, startling me before she pulled me into a hug.

"Thank you, for everything you've done for me."

She giggled. "Bella, you act like I'm never going to see again. I'll see you in a week, okay?"

Jacob suddenly appeared, running his hand along my waist, as he circled around me to get to Autumn. I shivered.

He pouted. "What about me?" She hugged him as well, laughing. "Yeah, you too. I do love you," she grumbled into his chest. She opened her car door. "You two have fun." She winked. "Please don't go all Rosalie and Emmett on me and wreck the house before the next people move in." Huh?

She jumped into her car and I watched as she sped down the mountain, disappearing around the blind corner, the movers following behind her.

As soon as she was out of my line of sight, I turned to Jacob, holding his hands. He tugged me into his warm chest, my ear pressed just below his heart. He bent down as I locked my arms around his waist, and whispered into my ear, his hot breath tickling my skin, "You're all mine now, Swan"

* * *

_What do I have to do_

_To get inside of you?_

_Early December, a few days before 'time is up'_

I slammed into the wall beside my bedroom door as Jacob lightly pinned my body against it, considering his strength, as I kissed him fiercely on the mouth. He thrust his hips against mine, sliding his hands along my sides. The touch caused my legs to wrap around his waist, as his hands clutched my butt. His lips were attached to my neck as he covered every available surface of my exposed shoulders, collarbone and neckline.

We'd been behaved shortly after Autumn left, busy with packing our own stuff, taping boxes shut, cleaning the house, and closing things up at work. When Autumn made her announcement weeks ago, we instantly put in our two weeks' notice, and our last day happened to be today.

In celebration we had gone to dinner, and soon after, we made a trip to a dance bar in a small inn in the surrounding area. It was popular to locals and we'd danced ourselves to near exhaustion. Yes, me, Bella Swan, assisted by Jacob, moved gracefully with my feet firmly planted on the floor.

We'd stumbled into the house shortly after 11, laughing so hard our stomachs hurt. We'd changed into more comfortable clothes and cuddled on the couch, watching a movie. Jacob's hands had been skimming my back beneath my shirt throughout the movie and my hand had been stroking his thigh through his own shorts in the process. About ten minutes into the movie, his free hand caressed my bare thigh and crept towards its destination. The second his finger 'accidently' slipped beneath the fabric of my shorts, slinking towards my inner thigh, my body was on fire. His eyes followed the path his hand made, ignoring the movie, and it came in contact with _me_ through my underwear. His thumb brushed conveniently just a fraction above where he knew I'd spin out of control and I sprung up onto his lap.

Moments later, we'd found ourselves in this position; I was undressed down to my bra and underwear and he was down to his shorts.

He reached behind me, twisting the knob to my room, as he supported me with his arm. My hands and mouth were occupied with the scorching skin of his face, neck, shoulders, and chest, everywhere accessible to me, as he carried me inside.

_**(A sex scene was here, but because of fanfiction's guidelines you will have to go to my BlogSpot OR my group for this story on JacobBlack-n-Pack linked in my profile to read the scene. JacobBlack-n-Pack has full chapters and BlogSpot will just have the scenes. I hear they're taking down the more graphic stories here, so to be safe, the scene is there. I know it's annoying, but I'd rather not have this story deleted)**_

* * *

I removed myself from his body. He ran his hands along his drenched face, turning to me. "Wow_._"

I relaxed beside him, peering up at the ceiling, giggling as I pressed into his side.

I kissed his lips, spent. His fingers caressed the corner of my mouth, running along my bottom lip. A part of me hoped he was fantasizing about what my mouth would feel like on a certain area of his body, but I was not ready for that step. "Was that really the Bella I know and love? Or are you some kind of pod-Bella?"

I snorted. "That was all me. I promise."

_That_ time was coming. If this is what it's like, touching him, I could only imagine what it'd be like to sleep with him.

I've have Jacob Black completely before we returned home.

_Home_was with him, like Autumn had said before she'd left, but I'd been gone from Forks for close to six months. It was time to go back.

Just not yet.

_For now I'll play the game_

_And I'm waiting for your move_

_But I've got to say_

_That I never lose…_

* * *

Jacob and I rinsed off in the shower. Now that he'd _seen_ me, my insecurities faded and I chose to remain nude. Regrettably, Jacob was putting on his sweatpants.

I was lying under the sheets of my bed, the fan on, even during this time of year, because I felt overheated. Jacob was distressed as he sat on the edge of my bed, not looking at me.

I couldn't help but panic. "Did I do something wrong?" My voice shook with emotion.

He abruptly scanned his eyes over to me. "No." Then he glanced away. "I did. I shouldn't have gotten so _feral _with you."

The tone of my voice changed and I was angry as I sat up in my bed, clutching the sheets to my chest. "You know who you sound like?" He stared at me, horrified. "Edward."

Jacob gritted his teeth. "I am not like him."

"I know." I sneered. "It was mychoice to let you do that. If I wanted you to stop I would have told you. Isn't that what you said to me, months ago? 'I'm doing this at your speed.' I…was it just not good enough?" My voice cracked. "We didn't have sex, so there's still time for me to practice…"

He stood to his feet. "Don't ever think that! That's not what I meant. You were perfect. I've never found someone so _appetizing_ in my life."

The blanket had slid off my chest, but I could care less. I wanted some answers_._ "Then what do you mean?"

"I don't deserve you," he said, distraught.

"Bullshit."

"Would you listen to me?" He growled, inches from my face. I cowered back, cocooning myself in the covers. He softened and pulled away, frantically rubbing his face. "I'm sorry."

"Does this have anything to do with what happened when you were in Canada? You never talked to me about it," I whispered.

And it was true. He'd never hinted at anything he'd done there.

My heart was pounding. I dreaded his next words.

He ran his fingers through his hair. "It has everything to do with that."

"Jacob, just tell me already. Please."

He addressed me, and contempt flooded through his words. "Bella, I was a mess. Fucked up is the only way I can put it. I wasn't myself, to be precise. Drugs didn't work, I couldn't get drunk. I was so submerged in heartbreak over you that I did things I would never boast about and I regret them every single second I'm with you."

Everything that'd been in my face for the past few months came rushing back. Jacob's guilty look when I mentioned he was going to my first. His exchange with Autumn when she broke the news she was moving. Her sideways look as she asked if I thought Jake knew what he was doing. Jacob saying he allowed Embry, his best friend, to fight him. All along, they'd known something and I didn't.

And there was only one thing it could be as my mind replayed the moments I'd shared with Jacob, the two of us being intimate, his skilled hands touching me, the way he knew how to enact a response from me. No…it couldn't be. Not _my_ Jacob.

"You know what you're doing when it comes to sex?" I tried to disguise my developing pain, but my voice messed with my words, giving me away. "I mean…who can s-say you d-don't, right? The Pack shares a common mind."

Please don't say it Jake…please tell me I'm wrong…

His eyes filled with tears. "It wasn't the Pack."

And my fully mended heart shattered into a million pieces. "No," I gasped, my throat tightening; it was difficult to breathe.

I scrambled out of my bed, struggling to compose myself with my hands as I reached for my robe, my uncertainties returning. The tears fell, my chest constricted. The grief. The realization.

Jacob wasn't a virgin. I could accept it, if it was one girl, but my mind flashed to tons of blurry faces of girls with Jacob. I stumbled to the other side of the room, as far away as I could from his form blocking the door.

Jacob reached out to me. "Bella, please. Let me explain," he begged.

The dam broke. "Tell me what!" I screamed. He flinched. "T-that you were sleeping around with girls, _too many girls_, and you came back to me, acting like everything was perfect in the world and we were going to be together…God…" I felt disgusted with him, with myself. "And I-I…I let you…" My hand cupped my mouth, my tears unstoppable. "I let you do things that…" I motioned to his bed. "And you…" I tied the robe tightly around me. "And I-I told you I'd never done any of this and I thought that you hadn't either…and…Oh God…" I fell back against the bed, humiliated, hurt, and _so small_.

"Bells…" Jacob pleaded with me, his voice breaking.

Then a sickening thought crossed my mind. "Did they look like me?"

"No. Not at all. They never had brown eyes…I couldn't. They were nothing like you…"

I leapt to my feet and confronted him, livid. "Was that supposed to make me feel better?"

"No, of course not! But, it was mindless fucking, Bella! It didn't mean shit! You're the only girl I've ever loved…" Then he was fuming. "Bella, you were days away from being _his_ and becoming one of **them**," he yelled. "How was I supposed to feel? Was what I did any worse than how you used me and left me without a thought, never giving me the light of day? The fact that, by then, you should have been a monster, is that any better than what I did?"

That hit hard. Too hard. I could've punched him, but I'd rather it'd harm himand not me.

I grated my teeth. "Maybe so. Yes, I led you on, I know. But we weren't together, like we are now. I would've gotten over what you did if I went through with the wedding." He cringed. I was cruel, but I had gone too far to take back my words. "But, instead, I ran away and got involved with you. Only it was time for _me_ to be led on, believing I was your one and only."

"Then you shouldn't have given me a chance to prove I could be yours, if you didn't want me," he hissed.

I stepped back, feeling as if he'd slapped me. "How could you even think that?"

"You won't let me explain myself and tell you why I did what I did."

I was tired. Heartbroken. Still too much in love with him to hate him for what he had done. I surrendered, clutching my aching head. "Please…leave me alone…" I whispered. "For now. I need to think about this, alone. Please." He gazed sorrowfully at me, hatred for himself reflecting in his eyes.

"Get out!"

He backed away, slowly; agony marring every feature on his face. His body was trembling as he hurtled the door open, nearly shaking it from his hinges.

I collapsed to the floor, hugging my knees to my chest, sobbing.

Had this all been a big game to him? Was I just another notch in his bedpost?

No, I wasn't. My heart told me I never would be. But the thought of him with another girl, naked and having sex with her, then the way he'd casually touched me, taking his time with me, spiked a full out controversy in my head over what I should believe.

I knew he loved me. I didn't doubt it. The betrayal was a line we would have had to cross eventually, and I would get over it, in time. Because, truthfully, he hadn't betrayed me. These girls had been before _us_, when both he and I thought there would be no such thing as _us_, never again. Ever.

A piercing, eerie howl I knew belonged to Jacob echoed through my window from the dark, moonless night outside.

* * *

Hours later, I laid in my bed, unclothed, close to drifting off to sleep, my eyes weary from crying. A warm, naked body press against my back. I recoiled at his touch, squeezing my eyes shut as the misery overcame me again.

"I'm so sorry, sorry for everything…sorry for running, sorry for screwing random girls and refusing to tell you about it, sorry for being such a fuck up," Jacob whispered against my hair.

His hand tenderly touched my waist and instead of feeling revolted like I should have, a surge of calm swept through me and I brought both of his hands around my waist as he pulled me closer to his body.

I gulped. "Have there been any more girls since you and I…?"

He immediately responded before I could finish my sentence. "No. Since Embry, Quil, Seth, and Leah found me, I haven't touched another woman that way since. I haven't been with anyone but you. I would never do that to you."

And he hadn't. I was sure of that now.

Jacob was always brutally honest, and he'd proven that again hours earlier.

"It's in the past and I regret it, greatly. I would never cheat on you. It's going against everything I am. I was aching, lost. I couldn't think of anything else to make it go away. Although it was stupid, rash, and the worst thing I've done, I was safe. The almost never-ending disappointment over everything fades when I'm with you and I forget what I did, what I put myself through."

I pushed it all aside. At the start, when we'd decided to be together, we had agreed that the past didn't matter. He'd said himself that his promiscuity was a onetime thing and I trusted him. I had to.

I couldn't forgive him, not yet, maybe not ever. But, I would put this behind us and move forward, not backward. People make mistakes; I'd made plenty. There was always room for improvement.

I loved him, with every fiber of my being, and I wouldn't let a fault of the past he regretted immensely have me question my feelings for him.

I'd move on.

I turned into his body and met his eyes. My own had long since adjusted to the dark and I read his eyes. He was broken, remorseful, and weak. I didn't say a word as I fell into his embrace, my entire body compressed against his own. I gingerly stroked his face as he held me and I kept my eyes locked on his until sleep welcomed me.

* * *

(**A/N:** They did not have sex if you're wondering…it was just heavy rubbing against one another… (and, again, you'll have to read the sex scene on my BlogSpot or JB-n-Pack))


	10. Ecstasy

Disclaimer: See previous chapters. Lyrics: Come on Closer-Jem (This song was inspiration…;D)

(A/N: **Thanks for the reviews, faves, and alerts! Warnings: sexual content**_**.**_ I really hope I did alright on **that **scene…_eek._ **Pay attention to the dates**!)

* * *

**Chapter 8: Ecstasy**

_Sweet sensations_

_Hot temptations_

_Coming over you_

_Early December_

_Two days before the return to Forks_

_(Bella's POV)_

"You've been avoiding me."

Startled at Jacob's voice, I glanced up to find him leaning against the doorway to the kitchen. I'd been poring over our flight details and the contracts the movers had left to be signed.

He'd been outside all day, helping move our belongings and completing the final stages of yard work necessary for the people soon to be living here. Our goal was to make the house as perfect as possible, with no complaints following our departure.

Now, he was freshly cleaned, clad only in his shorts, his hair wet. I averted my eyes, attempting to control my ever constant desire for him.

After his confession last night, I'd regrettably lost my cool and ended up blowing up at him. I wasn't ready to forgive, but we'd agreed to not let this bother us.

Jacob had felt so guilty, that he'd been spending as much as today as he could to try to make me feel better, while giving me the space he thought I wanted. He'd even made breakfast in bed for me. Jacob had never been much of a chef, but I figured months of confinement in Canada required a person to find something to do.

_Or someone._

I shook off the thought. We were going back home in two days. Two nights left for_ us_.

Jacob hadn't touched me in nearly 24 hours.

I knew he was ashamed, but touch had always been an unwavering thing between us and to be deprived of it was painful.

I turned to look at him again. His arms were crossed and he scowled, a dismal look clouding his eyes.

I twiddled the pen I held between my forefingers, refusing to look at him again. "I-I'm not."

He walked forward and knelt down to my level from the end of the bar. I was seated on one of the sides. "Yeah, you are," he said, irritated. "How many times do I need to tell you that I'm sorry? I thought you were over this!"

"How can I be over it in one day?" I met his eyes. "I know you're sorry. You don't need to keep apologizing." I sighed, deeply, as I placed my head in my hands. "What's done is done," I whispered, looking at him again. I stood up, gathering the papers in my hands as I lumbered over to one of my carry-on bags. "You can't go back and change what's happened." My voice was inaudible to other human ears as I finished, "We can't alter anything in the past as much as we'd like to." I snapped the clutch of the bag shut and dared another glance at Jacob.

He was hunched over the bar, tapping his fingers. His jaw clenched as he stared at me from the corner of his eye. "You don't want me anymore do you? Who could blame you? I'mdamaged goods."

Shocked, I immediately brought my head up and jogged over to him beside the bar, my hands resting on the table, mere inches from his as I met his eyes. "No, I do want you, more than anything. I just…this is hard, okay?" I linked my arms across my chest, rubbing my shoulders as a chill swept through me. "You haven't even touched me since last night. What am I supposed to think?"

He stood to his full height and began to pace around the area near me. "Bella. How are these hands," he held up his hands, "supposed to make me feel, when I'm touching you're completely untainted body? I'm the onlyguy that's ever touched you, Bella. As much as I'm proud it's me, you have to let me have a guilt trip, okay?" He pleaded with me with his eyes.

I let out an annoyed laugh. "You've been guilty for months, Jake! I think that voyage should have ended by now…"

"…when all along, you didn't have a clue?"

"I-I…" I started to speak then I clamped my mouth shut. "I-I never said I didn't have a clue. I just chose to ignore the hints thrown at me."

This was torturous, being strides away from him and not having any physical contact with his skin. It'd been a _day_.

I was in love with this man and we'd get through this together. Wasn't that what couples did? He was with _me_. These girls were history.

It was as if I'd spoken out loud. "I'm sorry I haven't touched you. I just feel so _filthy_, you know? Do you want me touching me?"

"You've been doing just that for months, Jake!" I argued. "Why stop now? Do you know what it's doing to me_?_ I feel so…unloved." I had no other words to describe precisely how I felt.

He staggered back, shaking his head. "Just give me another day, okay?"

_Another day_. Tomorrow was our last night here. I neededhim.

"Fine," I whispered. "We can sleep in separate rooms tonight and spend the day apart tomorrow." My throat tightened as the tears threatened to bubble over. "If that's what you want."

"Please?" He muttered, focusing on an indistinct spot on the floor.

My hands were splayed against the back of a chair at the dining room table. "I want you to make love to me tomorrow night." His head shot up and I bravely met his eyes. "I've been planning to sleep with you before we returned home for weeks now. No mistake, or girl, is going to modify that decision."

Frustrated, Jacob grazed his hand over his face. "You're confusing the hell out me, Bells. What do you want, exactly?"

I marched towards him, feeling the heat radiating off of him. The warmth was something I'd never get sick of. My heart was pounding. "I want _you_…always."

He stared into my eyes briefly before stepping away. "Alright. If you're sure."

He was halfway through the kitchen door, as I stood in the middle of the floor, immobile. "Yes. We can't let this tear us apart. It's before **us**. I want all of you, tomorrow."

The tension between us was unbearable. I was tempted to let him take me there, but hewasn't ready.

He gave me one last longing look before he retreated to the other side of the house, opposite mine.

He still hadn't even placed a finger on me.

My eyes brimmed with tears.

* * *

_The next day, the night before 'the return'_

Jacob had disappeared for a few hours as evening approached. We'd been dancing around each other all day, finishing packing and cleaning. He had muttered something about shopping, which surprised me, but it also enabled me to stay home alone for a while. I needed to compose myself_._

I'd spent my time shaving, waxing (God help me, why do I put myself through this torture_, again?_), and preparing dinner. I was willing to show Jacob just how much I wanted this behind us, even though, deep down, I knew it'd be an ominous cloud suspended over our heads for a while coming.

I was still waiting for the worst of the storm to strike, but tonight was about him and me, _now_, and giving ourselves completely to each other. Nothing else.

I'd chosen to wear slim fitting, dark blue jeans and a low cut, brown, snug sweater that hung off my shoulders. I wanted to look nice. I'd even took the time to blow dry my hair, and it fell in soft curls to my mid back. I passed on the makeup. I had never been much of a makeup girl and tonight was about no cover up. Nothing to conceal my body. Just me, exposed, unaltered.

Besides, Jacob adored my freckles and cherished every moment I blushed. My cheeks would tint anywhere from a faint pink to a rosy stain, and he thought it was the cutest thing ever.

I daringly slipped on the heels Autumn had purchased for me months ago that I'd never worn. After a brief glance in the mirror, confirming I did indeed look alright, I walked into the kitchen.

The front door opened. I was caught by surprise and my hand on the handle of the frying pan jerked, nearly knocking the pot from the stove to the floor. I turned to see Jacob stride in, clothed in a shirt and tie.

"Are you serious?" I giggled.

He paused and gawked at me, embarrassed. "Yeah. Is that a problem?" I shook my head. His uneasy demeanor was almost endearing. "Besides, who says I can't dress up for you?" He paused to take in my appearance.

The splendid feeling of being wanted returned_._

"You look…beautiful."

"Yeah." I tucked a stray hair behind my ear. "You too." And he did. He looked sexy as hell and despite what had happened the past few days, I just wanted him naked, in my bed, **now**.

Had my parents failed to inform me that I was born a hormonal, teenage boy with female body parts?

I jumped when Jacob's body was suddenly in front of me, holding a bundle of roses, blushing like a child.

I laughed. "You're sweet, really." I retrieved the flowers from his grasp and our fingers brushed briefly, causing electricity to surge through me. My breath caught in my throat. The touch, along with being in such close proximity to him, was beginning to affect me, initiating the familiar emotion of lust throughout my body.

And then I decided to look into his eyes. He was grinning. "You like them."

I steadied myself against the counter as my knees wobbled. His scent, _him_. Two days was too much to handle. "Yes. You're trying to be a suck up, aren't you?"

He shrugged, blushing. "Sure, sure. Whatever you want to think."

I was at ease again. The discomfort we shared yesterday was forgotten.

Wewere back again_. _He and I. Jake and Bells.

I arranged the roses rapidly in a glass filled with water. He'd actually bought _real _roses. He knew even the tiniest gesture would capture my heart_. _Not that it didn't already belong to him.

As I turned back around, I found myself face to face with a heavily breathing, hazy eyed Jacob, pressing my body against the counter. His arms were situated on either side of me and he was inches away from my face.

My body reacted instantly, and I flushed as my own eyes clouded with lust.

His voice was deep, thick, as he motioned his head towards the stove to my right side, "You made all this?" I'd shut off the oven earlier when he'd arrived, cooling the food.

I barely nodded. He was so close to me. The look in his eyes told me one thing: _Fuck dinner. I want you now._

I couldn't agree more.

I held his blistering gaze for a second as my breath quickened. His hands reached for my waist, palms open, and I moaned at the touch, luring his eyes to my own as he moved closer.

I ran my hands along his clothed chest, telling him what I wanted with my hands. "Do you want me? Take me," I swallowed, hopefully sounding seductive.

His eyes softened. "You're absolutely sure, right?" My hands circled around his neck, touching the strip of skin revealed just below his hair line. "Do you need to ask?" He arched an eyebrow. "Yeah, I am," I chuckled quietly.

* * *

_Gonna take it slow babe_

_Do it my way_

_Keep your eyes on me_

_Your reaction_

_To my action_

_Is what I want to see_

_Rhythmic motion_

_Raw emotion_

_Infiltrating through._

Within moments, I was laying on my back in my bed, kissing Jacob urgently. My hands flitted through his hair, as his own crept under my sweater, grazing the skin there, leaving the familiar trail of fire.

I fumbled with his tie. "I feel bad that you couldn't wear this longer…"

"There's always another time," he sniggered.

_Time._ That was what we had.

I detected a tremor in his words and I knew both of us were nervous, if my clumsy fingers were any sign.

I'd finally loosened the tie and proceeded to unbutton his white shirt. The fabric was practically paper thin. My hands slipped in between the flaps, my mouth passing over his abdominal muscles, his chest, as I removed the shirt off his shoulders. I delighted in the feeling of his smooth, flawless skin beneath my hands. It blew my mind how his russet skin was perfect, blemish free.

Like the rest of him_._

It must be his wolf genes_._ Normal teenage boys were usually cursed with acne at his age. But Jacob was far from ordinary.

He tossed the shirt to the end of the bed and I let out a tiny sound of protest. It was such a classy shirt. My grief for the shirt was short lived though as Jacob's mouth covered the bare skin of my stomach as he pulled my nearly sheer sweater over my head. His tongue, lips, and teeth marked the skin revealed.

I trembled. I'd missed this.

Jacob fell between my knees and I pressed my body against his. "Too many clothes," I spoke through kisses, the heat already surrounding me. I went to work unbuttoning his trousers, while he, with difficulty, tugged my jeans down my legs. "Geez, Bells. Are these the right size?" He laughed timidly. I lightly smacked him and pulled him against me, kissing his mouth, his shoulders, and his chest. I couldn't stop touching him.

Only then did I realize he'd gone commando as I shed the pants from his body. I should've known. It was standard for him and the pack. Clothes interfered with phasing.

His arousal pressed against my own as he detached my strapless bra from the front, sliding it off me. His hands cupped my breasts, eventually replaced by his tongue. I threaded my hands through his hair, moaning, squeezing my thighs together, and rubbing my crotch against his.

We were impatient. We'd gone from completely clothed to almost entirely naked within a few minutes.

His long index finger slipped beneath the fabric of my thong, a path of heat left in its wake.

His eyes widened as he noticed I was actually_ wearing a thong_. He dragged it down past my ankles, holding it by one of its strings between his fingers. "Too bad you couldn't wear _this_ longer."

Despite the fact I was about to give myself to him and have sex for the first time, I couldn't help but laugh breathlessly at him mirroring what I'd said earlier about his shirt.

He grinned, pressing his forehead against my own, gazing into my eyes. A smile crept across my lips again.

He kissed me, slowly, working his mouth over the surface of my body and running his hands over every curve. As much as his actions were driving me wild, we'd been engaged in foreplay for months now.

I just wanted him_._

_**(A sex scene was here, but because of fanfiction's guidelines you will have to go to my BlogSpot OR my group for this story on JacobBlack-n-Pack linked in my profile to read the scene. JacobBlack-n-Pack has full chapters and BlogSpot will just have the scenes. I hear they're taking down the more graphic stories here, so to be safe, the scene is there. I know it's annoying, but I'd rather not have this story deleted)**_

* * *

Our chests rose and fell rapidly in sync. My sweltering hands grasped Jacob's face as I kissed his cheeks, all over his face trying to stabilize his breathing. He felt hot, much more than usual. "Jake, you have to get off of me," I gasped. He withdrew his body from mine immediately, murmuring an apology as he rested on my opposite side, lying on his back, both of us struggling to catch our breath.

"I love you, you know that, right?…did we really just…? Wow." I laughed and turned towards him to see his almost puppy-like expression staring back at me. I smiled. "Yeah, we did. It was…no words can describe it." I kissed his shoulder. "I love you too. Thank you."

He kissed my lips and rolled over to his side.

No way.

I wasn't done with him yet. I crawled over to him, caressing his arm and nibbling his ear, sucking the sensitive skin behind it. I'd only recently discovered that spot was his weakness. He tensed and flipped to his side, wrapping an arm around me in an instant as my upper body molded against his. His pupils were dilated, one of my favorite expressions on him. "Aren't you tired?"

I licked my lips, giving him a look I'd concluded worked on him, since I'd frequently and successfully used it the past few months "With you? Never."

In a second, he had me flat on my back and continued to make love to me all night long, until sleep and food became necessities.

I wasn't going to let Autumn know she was right, but the rumored endless amount of stamina for werewolves was true.

And I couldn't get tired of him, his smile, his voice, his touches, his body…

Or his love.

_Hour after hour_

_Of sweet pleasure_

_After this I guarantee_

_You'll never want to leave_

_Shut your eyes and think about_

_What I'm about to do_

_Sit back and relax, I'll take my time_

_This loving is all for you_


	11. Home

Disclaimer: I'm not going to repeat myself. Lyrics: Halo- Beyonce

(A/N: Thanks for the reviews, faves, and alerts! Warning: brief sexual content.)

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**Chapter 9: Home**

_Remember those walls I built_

_Well, baby they're tumbling down_

_And they didn't even put up a fight_

_They didn't even make a sound_

_I found a way to let you in_

_But I never really had a doubt_

_Standing in the light of your halo_

_I got my angel now_

_Early December/December 6__th_

_(Bella's POV)_

The annoying beeping of my cell phone, signaling I had a text message, woke me up.

The sun glared through the window and I squinted, bringing my hand adjacent to my face and reaching blindly for the nightstand in search of my cell. After I felt around the glass surface for a minute, I realized the sound was further away.

I buried my head deeper into my pillow. "Damn…"

I'm not even going to ask how it relocated to theopposite side of the room_._

Oh.

_**Flashback to the night before/**_

_I grabbed onto the headboard for support, casting my head back as Jacob thrust into me, gripping my hips and sliding them against his own. I'd lost track of what round we were on, but it didn't matter; all I could concentrate on was the __**heat**__ and the pleasure continuously shooting through my veins at breakneck speed as Jacob's mouth covered every part of my body accessible to him. I moaned and tugged on his hair, bringing him closer to my face as I delivered rough, tongue-charged kisses against his lips and inside the cavern of his mouth. Sensing my urgency, he rotated his hips, pushing deeper inside of me, and I arched my back, banging my head against the headboard as he held me against his body, his hands gliding around the small of my back, clutching my waist. With one hand, I latched onto the headboard again as my other hand clawed into his neck. The pain caused by my head's impact was overcome by the desire from his tongue…his hands…among other things__**.**_

_**/end flashback**_

I giggled into my pillow and forced my eyes open, squinting until they adjusted to the light. My cell phone was several feet away from the bed, piled beneath the comforter. I observed the disarray of the room; Jacob's clothes and mine were thrown carelessly in various corners of the room. The other blanket to the bed lay in the doorway. The usual stacks of pillows on the bed were on either side of it on the floor, leaving just two on the bed for Jacob and me.

My eyes focused on Jacob fast asleep beside me on his stomach, snoring, his arm hanging off the side of the bed. A thin sheet covered his backside, revealing his powerful thighs and not leaving much to the imagination. The sheet had been the onlyfabric to stay on the bed last night.

I blushed as I slowly sat up in the bed, the rest of the sheet slipping off my body. I winced at the slight ache between my thighs. I squeezed my eyes shut. "God…" I clenched the bedding between my fists.

I suppose hours of sex with someone who seems to have a never-ending amount of energy does the body good, as well as makes it abnormally sore.

Oh, right, and I was too addicted to the way he made me feel to convince him to stop until almost three in the morning, when my body was numb from the pleasant assault it had taken.

"Oh, Bella. Where did this side of you come from?" I snickered as I looked around.

I crept out of bed to retrieve my phone. The pressure of standing on my feet caused the twinge below to flare again and I flinched. Taking a deep breath and gripping my hair, I walked over to the phone, dislodging it from underneath the quilt.

The text message was from Autumn. Of course. Who else?

_B! So happy ya'll are coming back! I think the boys have a party planned. =) See you then! P.S. Sleep well, last night? I tried calling, but you must've been busy… ;D_

She knew. She always did. And there was no doubt that I would be harassed when I returned.

Oh God. The pack would see _everything_. I let out a nervous squeak as my entire body flushed. I could just visualize what Quil and Embry would say and do.

I glanced at the clock on my phone as I gathered the quilt and other things. I attempted to fold them into a neat pile.

"Shit." Jake and I had to board a plane in two hours. It was past noon. Did I really sleep that long?

I tripped over the blanket and caught myself on the bed as I leapt onto it, nearly bumping into Jake's body. I shook him, his dark skin practically steaming beneath my touch. "Jake! Jake, wake up!"

Useless. He mumbled something incoherent before he turned his face into the satin pillow. His snoring resumed seconds later.

I sighed, aggravated. Jake slept like the dead.

_Bad pun, Bella_.

I ran my fingers through my hair, biting my lips as I pondered a way to wake him. A devious grin spread across my face.

I crawled on my hands and knees to his side, climbing onto his back as my naked body straddled his waist. He shifted in his sleep.

I pressed my breasts against his back, the flesh of my body entirely against his. The heat radiated off of him, soothing the painful ache in my core. I nestled my mouth against his ear, my hair flipped to one side of my head, "Jake…" My hands roamed to his shoulders, kneading the skin there, and caressing his sides as I continued my attack on his ear, nibbling and licking the shell. "Oh…_Jacob_," I moaned, for the effect. His breathing hitched for a second and he tensed.

_Good job, Bella_. Almost there_._

I let out a puff of air behind his ear. "Jake…wake up." My voice was rough from sleep.

"No…it's too early," he whined. His eyes were still closed.

I laughed. "We have to leave."

He shook his head.

Fine then_. Step up, Bella_. I rubbed my body down his back, sneaking my tongue out. I retraced the same path, journeying upwards towards his neck. "Bella…"

I would always prize this new found confidence he gave me.

I nipped his ear once more, before sinking down enough so I could sneak my hand beneath the sheet. I cupped his length in my hand.

Well at least one part of Jake was awake.

The moment my hand came into contact with his hard flesh, he leaned up, maneuvering me beneath him in the blink of an eye, positioning his body between my legs, his hardness digging into my thigh.

His eyes were still bleary from sleep and _my_ smile was in place. "What are you playing at?" His voice was husky from sleep (and sex). He kissed my lips as a 'good morning,' stroking my hair.

I restrained myself from deepening the kiss, and grinned from my spot below him. "You need to wake up. Our flight leaves in less than two hours."

His eyes widened. "Fuck."

* * *

_Hit me like a ray of sun_

_Burning through my darkest night_

_You're the only one that I want_

_Think I'm addicted to your light._

_On the flight to Forks_

Luckily, Jacob and I did catch the plane, but with few minutes to spare.

As much as my desire collected this morning (I admit, I wanted more), we didn't have time for another round. Although, I think a certain partof my anatomy needed to recover before we did.

Words couldn't describe the immense happiness I felt. It was so great it almost hid my anxiety to face those I hadn't seen in so long again.

I'd decided the Cullen's could wait for my visit. Alice had contacted me this morning and said they (meaning Edward) were allowing me the time I needed until I decided to speak to the family face to face.

What I couldn't avoid was my father would be picking us up from the airport. I said a short prayer in my mind that he did not have his gun near.

I was attached to Jake's side on the plane. His arm was wrapped around me and my head rested against his chest, rising and falling with each breath. His other hand had been stroking my hand in his lap absentmindedly.

"You're glowing," Jake whispered into my ear and lightly kissed it.

I glanced up and met his eyes. I slightly smiled. "Why do you say that?"

He loosened his hand from my grasp and stroked my cheek, the only skin aside from my hands that I had bared. The weather would be freezing once we landed in Forks and Atlanta's forecast had cooled tremendously. Winter had finally shown its face.

He studied my face, grinning. "I don't know. You're just…luminous. And you haven't' stopped smiling since this morning."

"Post-coitus glow?" I joked.

A laugh escaped his lips. "Probably…" He placed a lingering kiss on my lips, nuzzling my cheek with his nose. He leaned back in the chair, grinning. "You're dad's going to kill me."

If Jacob didn't wipe that smirk off his face, I'm sure he would.

Not really.

I rolled my eyes, beaming because my euphoria was too mighty to fight. "No, he won't. He loves you, remember?"

Jake made an 'as if' face and arched an eyebrow. "When he sees the way you look, he'll know. You're his baby girl. Don't try too hard to think about this, but someone who's had sex before will _just know_."

My face fell. "Brilliant," I said, sarcastically.

* * *

_Port Angeles, Washington_

Jacob and I exited the terminal hand in hand, receiving many stares along the way

Good grief, did these employees remember me when I showed up here in my wedding forever and a day ago? Please, no_._

"Mr. Swan," Jacob's voice sounded in greeting.

I snapped out of my semi-trance to see Charlie shaking Jacob's hand, a smile threatening to reveal itself. "Jacob. It's been a long time." He shot him an almost frightening look before he turned to me. I grinned as he scooped me into his arms. "Dad!"

"I missed you, Bells," he said into my hair as he pulled me in tighter. He kissed my forehead and looped an arm around my shoulders, drawing me to his side.

The questions commenced as Charlie's protective mode clicked on. "Have you been treating her well, Jacob?"

A huge smile was plastered across Jake's face. "Oh, _very _well."

I picked up the underlying meaning in his words and blushed, flashes of his body and mine moving against each other enveloping my mind.

Charlie noticed. "Uh huh…sure." He turned his chin up defiantly. After a brief pause he slapped Jake's arm affectionately. "I believe you. You'd never hurt her, not like that otherguy."

Jake's mood faltered. "Of course not. But, I'm not him, am I?"

Charlie grinned and gave Jake a one-armed 'manly' hug. "It's late. Rebecca's out front, waiting for you."

Jacob's mouth dropped open in shock. "She's in town?" Jake had told me ages ago that Rebecca hardly visited Forks. I couldn't blame her; once you left you never wanted to come back.

But Forks was a significant part of my life, and I couldn't avoid it forever.

Charlie shrugged. "For the holidays, at least."

Jake nodded and kissed me. "I love you. I'll see you soon," he said against my lips.

I smiled widely and kissed him back. "I'll miss you." He gave my waist a firm squeeze before disappearing through the revolving doors.

Charlie draped an arm over my shoulders. "You were safe, right? I can't stand being a grandfather when my daughter's 19 and fresh out of high school."

Oh God.

I blushed as I scanned the crowd around us to ensure no one had heard. "Dad," I whispered, embarrassed. "No, _mom_, I'm not pregnant," I chuckled

He clamped his hand around my shoulder. "Good," he said before he relinquished his grasp. "I was ready, just in case…" He tapped his gun holster.

* * *

_Forks, Washington_

_The Swan Residence_

I slept like a baby after a taste ofVodka that night.

It was strange, being in the room so much had transpired in. I missed the warmth of Jacob's body beside me, but I was exhausted_._

Forks was supposed to be unseasonably sunny for the weekend until the familiar, nearly daily, threat of overcast sky was to tumble back. The first snowfall of the season had blanketed the ground over the past few weeks, but was now evaporating. The sun was set to shine.

My joyful mood followed me like my shadow and I was overly excited to see 'my girls' and the Pack.

Jacob was occupied with his father and sisters, along with Pack duties he'd neglected for so long. He wouldn't be able to speak with me for at least two nights. I still craved his touches, but the separation was so unlike the one we'd had earlier this week before we'd made love. Now, it was because real life would consume several moments we could be sharing together. But, his allegiance to the Pack and his family was mandatory, and I'd see him soon. It was difficult for us to be away from each other for a certain amount of time.

The day following our return, I was snuggled deep under every cover I could find in my room. 'Cold' had been such an unknown term to me when Jacob slept a few feet away from me, and recently beside me, during our stay in Georgia.

Girlish giggling sounded from downstairs as the front door opened. Charlie's car had started minutes ago, announcing he'd left.

My heavy eyelids refused to lift and I drifted into unconsciousness again. Moments later, my door clunked open and my eyes flew open.

My body reacted and I jumped out of my bed, grinning widely as I crashed into welcoming arms. "Autumn!"

She picked me up off the floor before she let go and observed my appearance. "Bella…" Her voice hinted at suspicion. "Look at you."

I rolled my eyes and blushed. "Please, don't start." I scowled

Another figure appeared in the doorway, distracting me from Autumn.

My mouth gaped and I darted my eyes to the person standing there. Autumn peered over her shoulder, following my gaze. "You remember Rachel Black, right?" She tugged on Rachel's arm and her smiling face came into my view.

I hadn't seen her in a while_._ She'd gone off to college and it appeared she'd decided to stop in Forks to visit her family before the new term began.

She and Jacob should have been the twins_._ She had the same strong jaw line, skin tone, full lips, dark eyes, even the nose. Her wavy black hair essentially fell to her butt and she possessed curves the Quileute women were well-known to have. She wore dark skinny jeans that fit her shapely body accordingly, heels, and a midnight blue slim fitting blouse.

She yanked me into a hug and proceeded to knock Autumn's shoulder with her own. "Congrats. You've done well. She looks like a new person."

I gave her a confused look. "What?"

Autumn was grinning madly. "I can smell you." She pointed her thumb and tilted her head towards Rachel. "She's just figured it out."

"O-Oh."

Rachel smiled warmly. "Please, Jacob's face when he came home last night gave it all away. Dad was very…put together. After that rut Jacob was in when he returned from Canada looking like the walking dead, or like he'd barely survived a record-breaking storm, Billy could accept _anything_ after seeing him."

"How was he…after…?" I avoided her gaze.

"Remember when you were in your zombie mode after Edward left?" Autumn said, sadly. "It was like that. Not as bad, because Jacob's incapable of being completely destroyed like that, but you catch my drift, right?"

I swallowed. "He's not weak, like me," I said, quietly.

Rachel nodded. "No, he's not," she stated grimly. "But, last night," she continued, attempting to brighten the now moody atmosphere. "After not seeing him for months his smile was back and automatically we concluded the 'rumors'…'" She made air quotations with her fingers. "Were true and he finally got the girl of his dreams." She jabbed my nose. "You_._"

"Plus, Sam ordered him to phase," Autumn laughed. She lightly nudged Rachel's shoulder with her own. "And Paul got a glimpse."

"You should've seen it. He was laughing the whole time, while patting Jacob approvingly, on the back, like all guys do. 'Good job, man. Bella's a freak," she mimicked Paul's voice.

I was mortified, and covered my face with my hand. "O-Oh my god…can you two…_great_." I pouted like achild and turned an accusatory glare to Rachel. "Jake implied something occurred between you and Paul. Did he imprint? Is that how you knew about the wolves?"

"Yes, Paul imprinted on me."

Autumn crossed her arms and strode further into my room. "Jacob wasn't too happy, but he found out before he tracked you down, so he was too sidetracked to take anything out on Paul."

Rachel's lips quivered as she suppressed a smile. "Needless to say, he punched him in the face after the _'_Bella's a lady in the street, but a freak in bed_'_ remark."

The Pack members were such…boys.

Autumn faked a conspirator's whisper, as she leaned towards me, "More than one reason behind the strike, obviously."

Rachel and I. Jacob's main girls (excluding Rebecca). Defensiveness was in his nature when it came to us.

I joined in the laughing.

Suddenly, Rachel linked her arm with mine and dragged me downstairs. "Brooke and Carmen will be here soon."

I paused halfway down the stairs. "Really?" Rachel pushed me so I could continue my descent.

Autumn stood at the bottom of the stairs, her chin in her hands resting on the banister. "We're kidnapping you for a day. It's a girls' day and night out or in, whatever you'd like. Charlie approves."

"So, that's why he let you two in," I said as we came to a halt at the foot of the stairs.

"Charlie loves me." She winked.

That was _so Jacob_.

"So, you and Paul…are you…?" I probed for more information.

Rachel finished for me as she plopped on the sofa in the living room. "Sleeping together?" My eyes snapped to Autumn. Rachel shook her head. "No."

Autumn lounged on the armrest of the couch, reclining against the plump cushions. "They are dating."

"He's still too much of a jerk for my taste," Rachel sneered.

I perched next to her on the sofa, crossing my legs beneath me, meeting her eyes. "I'm sure you'll change him. If you're anything like Jacob, which I don't doubt you two share similar qualities besides appearances, you're very manipulative…" She arched an eyebrow. "In a good way!" I corrected myself.

She was smug. "Oh, I will. He's not 'getting any' if he doesn't clean up his act soon."

Autumn snickered. "You work on that." She paused. "Imprinting does things to the wolves. They're willing to change completely from who they are to satisfy their imprint."

My head angled from Autumn to Rachel. "That's something I'm against, but Paul's a different case," Rachel confessed. Autumn made a whipping sound as she motioned with her hand. I laughed.

Rachel threw a cushion at her. "I'm a Black. I always get what I want."

_Similar attributes between Jacob and Rachel number 53_.

Autumn perked up for a second. "They're here," she copied the girls' voice from the horror film _Poltergeist_.

Stupid superhuman hearing_._

Moments later the gravel cracked outside my home as a car parked in the driveway. I rose, and Autumn and Rachel followed behind me to peer out the window.

Carmen and Brooke.

I banged open the door, hopping down the steps, successfully not tripping.

"Bella!" Brooke squealed, almost deafening me. Her yellow sundress fluttered around her and her small frame engulfed me with equal amounts of vigor. Part of Phoenix Bella, as well as utterly joyous, Bella, snuck out as I hugged her and we pranced around in circles.

Ok, I was definitely not 13 years old anymore. But, looking around at the faces of my friends, I didn't care. I'd missed them, so much. My mind had been so preoccupied with the world of vampires and werewolves that I never got a chance to cherish my old life.

Brooke and I were similar in build and height. She had maybe an inch on me and more cushion in the back, but our frames were exact replicas. She just happened to be expertly tanned with shorter hair.

Brooke pushed her hair behind her ears. "Oh my god!" She was breathless. "It's been an eternity!"

It almost was.

"You look gorgeous. Not that you weren't, but now, it's like **bam**!"

"I'm a big girl now," Autumn sang under her breath. She and Rachel laughed at the implied reference to me losing my virginity.

I smacked Autumn's stomach with my hand, blushing. She was behind me. _It really wouldn't end, would it?_

Carmen cut in and pulled me into a hug. I measured maybe 5'4", but this girl didn't even break the 5'0" standard. She was blessed with a swimsuit body to die for and she made no struggle to conceal it with her low rise jeans, and cropped, low cut cleavage exposing, ebony top.

Centered in my circle of friends, the tears sprang into my eyes as they greeted each other. "I missed all of you…really."

Within a second I was smothered with hugs as they led me back inside the house.

* * *

"There's no need to keep secrets, Bella. We already know."

We'd spent the past hour or so huddled on my bed. I was propped against my pillows alongside Rachel. Carmen and Brooke were sprawled out at our feet and Autumn sat at the foot of the bed.

They'd just updated me on what they'd done with their lives over the past few years.

As we ventured into classified territory (or so I thought_, _as far as Brooke and Carmen were concerned), also known as the world of monsters I was a part of, I was tentative.

Carmen's confession rang through my ears and I was overwhelmed to hear they knew of the existence of supernatural creatures.

I carefully calculated her and Brooke's faces. "How?"

Brooke shrugged. "Seth imprinted on me at your non-wedding," her girlish, characteristically cross voice clipped.

"I thought imprinting was rare!" I nearly shouted.

"So _Sam_ says," Rachel scoffed.

Brooke continued, painting her nails a translucent shade. "He's so not my type, but he's sweet, cute too…great body…" She trailed off.

"Seth? Seth's…skinny." I snorted. "You like hot, hunky, blonde, football player, muscled guys."

Geez, Emmett was practically her type. I wonder what she'd think if she ever met him…

_Do not think about the Cullen's, Bella Marie_. _Not yet_.

"He finally filled out," Autumn threw her head back, cackling.

"Took him long enough," Carmen mumbled into her hand situated on her knees.

I turned my attention to her. "So, this Julius guy? You're with him?" She nodded. I was still gathering all the information I missed into several categories in my head for each one of them, as I turned back to Autumn. "And he's one of the crew that found Jake in Canada?"

Autumn's pursed her lips. "Yep."

My eyes fixated on Carmen again. "And you. How did you meet him? You said you've been with him for years."

Carmen stretched her legs out in front of her body. "We met at summer camp in Canada between my freshman and sophomore year of high school. We just hit it off."

"One night stand. Steamy summer romance," Brooke coughed into her hand.

Carmen smacked her side with the back of her hand, as Brooke giggled. "The only thing I remember about camp, besides him, was his younger sister," Carmen continued. "The girl fucking looked like she stepped fresh out of the pages of _Playboy_ or _Maxim._ It was surreal. And they were close. So, when I moved here, we met up again…and that's the short version."

Rachel slapped my thigh. "Enough about us…how was _it_."

My eyes widened. I knew exactly was she was referring to. "Do you really want to hear about your baby brother having sex?"

Brooke jolted, almost knocking over her open container of nail polish. "I knew it! You did sleep with him!"

"I don't want to know," Rachel interrupted. "But, it will give us something to talk about." She motioned with her hand as if directing a film and giving her piece a title. "_Bella Swan: Sex Addict_."

I wriggled out of bed and stomped to the shower, dodging their questions. I felt underdressed, it was past noon, and I longed to duck and cover to hide my humiliation. They didn't need the juicy details. What Jacob and I shared was our business only.

That didn't mean I couldn't give them a sneak peek though…

I paused in the doorway to watch them sniggering on my bed. "If you must know, it was amazing_._ Jake has lovely hands. He's verytalented."

I'd never seen so many shocked faces in my life_._

They should sustain them, for now.

* * *

I'd missed this. Goofing around with my friends and acting like a normal, teenage girl. I'd given consent for Brooke to paint my toenails and granted Carmen free reign over the television to play romantic, chick flicks a man would neverbe caught dead watching. All four of them had brought overnight bags with them.

Autumn made it clear they weren't taking no for an answer. They were spending the night, allowing no room for arguments.

I hadn't had a sleepover with friends since I was a freshman in high school. Charlie adored all four of these girls, and we spent part of the night chatting with him on the front porch.

These friendships had been formed while I had been a way and for that I was thankful I'd left. A part of me thought their paths never would have collided if I'd chosen Edward, or even if I didn't almosthave the wedding. They were bonding with the Pack over my return, as well as Jacob's.

Later that evening, we were gathering in the living room. I was on the couch, Rachel in the recliner, and Carmen, Brooke, and Autumn on the floor. Charlie had gone to sleep hoursago.

Carmen's phone rang and the tune of 'What's Your Fantasy?'an old song by the rapper, Ludacris, blared.

"What song could be more fitting?" Autumn sighed dramatically.

Brooke ambled into the room with a platter of cookies. "I wonder who that could be…"

"Shut up," Carmen snapped, as she placed the phone in the center of the floor between us. She pressed the phone on. "Julius, honey, you're on speaker," she cooed.

"You always know what I want, baby…" An unfamiliar, deep voice answered.

Rachel gagged and tossed a pillow at the phone. "No, phone sex while I'm here. Please?" Carmen flicked her off. I giggled.

Autumn took a bite from her cookie. "What's up, Ju?"

"I have a proposition for you, ladies."

Brooke perked up. "I'm all ears." Even I was curious and leaned in closer to the phone.

"There's a new dance club that opened up in Port Angeles. Carmen, Autumn, Embry, Paul and I checked it out the other , are you in? Tomorrow night, maybe?"

Autumn swallowed her food quickly. "You're talking about Red Secrets, right? I loved that club."

"Really? I'm surprised. You and Embry were too wasted to remember most of that crazy night."

"Ha ha. And you weren't? I think you were imagining things when you claimed I table-danced. Go on, prick."

"Emily also wants to see you, Bella," he continued, ignoring her insult. "She insists on cooking for all of us. Rebecca and Kim agreed to help. Leah's even making an appearance."

I was stunned. "Emily and Leah are getting along?"

Rachel grinned. "You'll see why. Emily just received some big news."

"Emily and Sam were married about a month ago," Brooke said, patting my leg.

Carmen raised her hand. "How many of you predict she's pregnant?"

"That's beside the point," Julius cut in. "You're back**,** Bella. Sam's determined to see proof that you're alive before he acts on anything against the Cullen's."

"As if Jake's thoughts didn't give it away…" Quil's voice was faint in the background.

A fire hydrant red blush eclipsed my pale cheeks and a loud _**bang**_ sounded from over the phone.

"What the fuck?" Julius shouted. Then he burst out laughing.

"God damn it, Jake!" Quil was alarmed. "I'm sorry." After a pause, he laughed to.

"I told you not to bring that up!" Jake's laughter was within earshot.

Brooke was nosy."What did I miss? Are you boys acting up again?"

"Jake just broke the third chair of the night thrown at Quil, who is currently rolling on the floor laughing his ass off," Julius weezed.

Embry's voice was softer than Quil's. "At least he hasn't caught a glimpse of the day Paul saw a little too much of Rachel."

A few things happened at once. Rachel rolled her eyes, a very light blush staining her cheeks. The girls laughed at the joke I, sadly, didn't get. And a _**slam**_ sounded from the phone a well as the racket of several things clanging to the ground or possibly against the wall.

"Go, Jake!" Julius whooped.

"What the hell?" I said, startled.

"Embry! You should've kept quiet," Julius said, through laughter.

"Julius!" Carmen snarled.

"Huh?" Julius spoke abruptly. "Oh. Jacob tackled Paul. It's all good. It's about time. So, are you girls in? _Watch it guys! I'm talking here!_"

The five of us were thoroughly entertained.

I assumed the question was directed toward me. "Of course!" I answered, through tears of laughter.

"Good to know you're in a good mood, _gloomy Bella…_ _Hey, what the fuck did I say, Jacob? This is my house, damn it! Take it outside_…Dress sexy, ladies. See ya'll around 7? Barbeque at the Black's, bonfire on the beach? Clubs at 11?"

Autumn calmed down. "We're in, Julius."

Carmen grabbed the phone and brought it to her ear. "I'll call you then. And I swear, if they break my freakingItalian leather sofa, given to me by my great grandfather, you better scrounge up enough _dough _to pay for a new one and kick their asses. Ok?" A pause. "Have you _seen _Jacob's arms? You might want to avoid a confrontation." Another pause. Jake does have really nice arms_. Keep your thoughts PG-13, Bella, at least until you see him again_. "Now, get them away from the goddamn couch and clean up before I get home tomorrow." Another pause. She grinned. "Ok. I love you too." Well they had an interesting relationship. She shut the phone off and joined us, laughing.

I was overjoyed and overflowing with warmth. The memories of the Pack, and times spent at Jacob's house came flooding back, as well as the moments with my friends surrounding me now.

Things were going so damn well.

My friends were here with me. I'd see the Pack, my other family, tomorrow. My father was upstairs. My mother was a phone call away. And I was _with _Jacob.

Thiswas where I belonged.

This was home.

_Everywhere I'm looking now_

_I'm surrounded by your embrace_

_Baby I can see your halo_

_You know you're my saving grace_

_You're everything I need and more_

_It's written all over your face_

* * *

(A/N: I really wanted to convey just how happy Bella is and how easy it was to slip back into the close relationship with her girlfriends because she's so content with life. And, I also wanted to show how, now that she's with Jacob, she actually _has_ friends because her entire world doesn't revolve around him like it did with Edward. Oh, you know how Chuck Bass from the _Gossip Girl_ TV series sounds, if you're familiar with that show? That's exactly how Julius sounds! Besides, he was inspired by this _Gossip Girl_ TV version of Chuck Bass.)


	12. Perfect

Disclaimer: It's not mine if you recognize it. Lyrics: Lollipop- Framing Hanley (Oh man, not that I don't like the Lil Wayne version, because I do, but this song ROCKS). The song Brooke and Autumn dance to towards the end is Cyclone- Baby Bash. Brooke sings some of the lyrics.

(A/N: **Thanks for the reviews, faves, and alerts! Warning: **some sexual content. Also, Bella is quite…_forward_ and she's a bit OOC (not really, if you think about it…;D), but that's how I like her! ;D)

* * *

**Chapter 10: Perfect**

_Man, she ain't never_

_Had a love like mine_

_(Bella's POV)_

I woke up with a slight cramp in my neck and absorbed my surroundings. It took me a second to conclude I was on the couch, in the living room, at my old house. I sat up, yawning, as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. Rising to my feet, I almost tripped over Autumn's body on the floor directly in front of the couch. Her covers were bunched up around her waist and she was lying on her side.

So, she _did_ sleep.

Carmen was buried deep in her sleeping bag beside the television, the top of her head visible. Rachel was curled in the fetal position on the recliner, cocooned in the single blanket she used. Brooke was sprawled on the love seat, her feet dangling off the side, snoring softly. I'd have to tease her for that when she woke up.

A smile firmly on my face, I entered into the kitchen. Charlie was slouched in one of the chairs, reading the newspaper. I laughed, startling him as he jumped slightly, turning to face me. "Hey, kiddo. Up so early?"

I shook my head, grinning. "Dad, it's past 10." Reflexively, as an old familiarity took over me, I opened the fridge and gathered necessities for breakfast- bacon and eggs. Although I was also cooking for myself and the girls, I realized I hadn't cooked a meal for Charlie since before the 'almost-wedding_.'_

"Did you sleep well last night?" I asked him, clicking on the stove. I glanced at him over my shoulder as I grabbed the pans above, pulling up my loose pajama bottoms in the process. "I'm sorry if we kept you up."

"No worries." I caught his eye as he set the paper down. "It was comforting, with other bodies in the house, and also knowing my daughter was safe and sound under my watch the past couple of nights was reassuring. I haven't slept that well in a while."

I cracked the eggs on the side of the pan, oddly fascinated as they sizzled. The distinct feeling of guilt and empathy consumed me and I was almost grim as I asked, "How ever did you survive without me?"

He explained as I leaned my back against the counter to listen, tapping my fingers on the cabinet doors. "You judge my survival skills, sweetheart?" I sniffed and wiped my nose, then snickered. "I was fine. I frequented the Clearwater's and Billy's on the reservation. And Alice, sweet little thing, visited me twice a week to make dinner and breakfast for me, updating me on her family's lives. Strangely she never did eat a thing…But, she's quite the talker. Kept my attention every time."

I wasn't going to elaborate on Alice's diet. And, I'd have to thank her later for keeping him company.

I lowered the temperature on the stove and decided it was time for a talk. "Dad, I'm sosorry I just left," I apologized and studied a spot on the floor. Our eyes met and he nodded his head, resting his arm on the back of the chair as he continued to face me.

Most of the nervous habits I inherited erupted at once, and I paced, running my fingers through my hair. "I-I was just standing there, in my dress and a w-whole bunch of stuff just crashed into my mind. _I couldn't do this_. I wasn't ready for marriage, despite how in love I was with him. So, I-I ran. Straight to Autumn. And she mothered me for months, giving me time to grow."

Charlie's eyes focused on my feet. "Did Edward…?" He glanced at me again. "Did he do something?" His voice rose. "I'll kill the bastard if he did!"

I let out a short laugh. "No. You and mom…one in the same. He didn't. It was all me. My I left without an excuse to you, and forced you to fend for yourself without me. And I-I know you're not a child, but I'm so used to cooking for you and living with you and…I wasn't thinking. I never do! It was a quick, instinctive decision. I'm sorry." I distracted myself by flipping the bacon and stirring the eggs.

"Its fine, Bella. I'm here. I'm in one piece. Your old man." He pointed a finger at me. "But, you sure as hell better not run off again without giving me, your father, an explanation, Isabella." He looked considerably solemn. "I've had too much of that already."

"I won't," I promised.

He stood and beckoned me with his hand. "Come here." I smiled and allowed my body to be pulled into Charlie's arms. "Dad… Dad, breakfast," I mumbled into his plaid button down shirt.

He unglued his body from mine, stroking his head. "Oh! I just…I haven't hugged my daughter in months, not including last night." He settled back into his seat, clearing his throat. "Sorry." I l chuckled. Charlie was never too big on affection. But, I guess having your only daughter technically missing for months brings out the sensitive side of even the strictest fathers.

"You look great by the way. Healthy and happy. You haven't looked like this for as long as I can remember. You don't know how it was, last year, having my daughter moping around the house, nonresponsive, the living dead."

I gulped and turned down the oven top's temperature more to keep the food warm. I dodged the 'Edward left me' topic and attempted to joke, "Dad, you mustbe lying. A female never looks good right after she wakes up. I'm usually all blotchy, make-up less, with dark circles under my eyes, and paler than usual."

He laughed. "Bells, come on. Admit it: Jacob makes you happy. He always has."

I swelled with warmth and grinned, blushing as he brought up Jacob. I practically twirled to the cabinets to select dishes to set the table.

Charlie snickered. "See what I mean? This ain't a school girl crush. You're in love with him, hon."

I arranged the stack of plates in front of him and smiled as I gripped the back of an empty chair. "Yeah. Yeah, I am."

Charlie playfully slapped my side. "This is nice, you know? You just made my breakfast."

I placed a kiss on top of his head. "Like old times, dad." I reached for the orange juice in the fridge.

"I like you like this. Maybe you should keep Jacob around longer. He's good for you."

I poured myself a glass of juice after I fixed Charlie's food filled plate in front of him. "Like you always said…"

He winked. "Father knows best." I perched on the chair opposite him and he continued, after taking a few bites, "Delicious." I blushed. "But, I do have something to tell you. Just, try not to panic or take this the wrong way." _Uh-Oh_. I urged him to continue with a tilt of me head. "I've been spending a lot of time with Sue Clearwater while you were gone. I know it's too soon after Harry's death, but we are close."

My mouth gaped. I snapped out of it, beaming. "Dad, that's great! Sue seems like a wonderful woman. It's what you need." He visibly let out a breath he'd been holding and relaxed. He did deserve another woman. He and mom had been divorced for close to 18 years; if she could move on, so could he. And since I was planning to go off to college within the next year, he'd have a woman's presence nearby.

Brooke sauntered into the room, her hair tied back in a messy bun as she took a whiff and licked her lips. "Something smells good." I gestured toward the stove top. She gave me a sincere smile and helped herself. "Now, what's this about Sue, Charlie? I thought something was going on. Seth's traumatized." She pulled up a chair and took a seat beside him.

Charlie rolled his eyes. "Not exactly. Let Seth know he doesn't have to go into protective mode over his mother seeing another guy."

Brooke playfully ignored him. "Oh! Does that mean, since I'm sort of, kind of, _maybe_ dating Seth, that Bella and I are sisters?" Charlie's eyes widened and I sniggered.

Autumn walked in next, traveling promptly to the food. Her appearance was glamorous for someone who had just woken up. She had that refreshed morning glow I could only achieve after…_Bella keep it PG-13_! As she strode past us she bumped Brooke's chair. "Don't listen to her. She's just testing you, Charlie."

Brooke faked a dramatic sigh. "It's true. Seth and I are just friends at the moment. You and Sue take as much time as you want."

Carmen and Rachel stumbled in soon after and boosted my ego by complimenting my cooking skills.

Rachel gnawed on her fork, her foot propped up on the seat of my chair as she stood. "So, Charlie, what are youdoing today?"

Charlie leaned back and situated his hands on his full stomach. "Going fishing with Billy for the weekend. You?"

500 bucks they talk about Jacob and me seventy five percent of their time away.

Autumn danced in her chair. "_Party at the Rez_!"

"I'll be out late tonight," I addressed Charlie, fretfully.

Charlie shrugged. "No problem. You've got the house to yourself for two nights anyways."

Hallelujah.

Images flashed through my mind as I fantasized about things I'd do with Jake. Alone. In my house. On my bed, or anywhereelse. For the weekend. My eyes glazed over.

Carmen hit my shoulder. "Bella."

I shook my head vigorously. "Huh?" I blushed, tucking a strand of hair behind my ears, pushing the food around on my plate. "Nothing."

Brooke arched an eyebrow. "Uh-huh." Autumn and Rachel giggled into their hands.

Charlie cleared off his plate. "I'm not even going to ask." He kissed my forehead. Wiping his hands on his jeans he said, "I'm off to meet up with Billy and bring some chairs for the barbeque. We'll most likely be gone by the time all of you arrive. Enjoy." He waved goodbye to the girls, who chorused, "Bye, Charlie" in response as he disappeared through the front door.

Autumn eyed all of us. "Well then. We have a long day ahead of us before we see the boys tonight. We're going shopping."

Brooke squealed and rushed to clean her plate. Rachel smiled and high fived Carmen. "Fun-fun. I'm totally wearing red or brown…"

My shoulders slumped. "Are you serious?" I groaned.

Brooke hugged me around my shoulders, turning her face to mine. "It's going to be fun! You'd look so good with black on you!" She scuttled backwards a foot or so, and deliberated my form, imagining me in the perfect, and I'm sure tiny, black dress. _Oh no_.

Autumn smirked. "I bet Jacob tells her that all the time when, you know, they're wrapped in a passionate embrace and he's on top of her. I bet you think **black** _does_ look good on you, Bella." I blushed from head to toe.

She was incapable of refraining from teasing me about my sex life. But, Jake does look delectable on top of me.

_Clean thoughts, Bella._

* * *

"I can't believe you expect me to wear that…that…that_ dress_," I whispered harshly to Autumn as we walked towards the Black's house from our cars, the girls strolling behind us. We were carrying bags of dresses, make-up, and hair supplies. Earlier, Brooke's bag seemed bottomless as she stuffed it with her own make-up and accessories.

_Welcome to girl world, Bella. _

I frowned. "It's so…not me."

Autumn rolled her eyes. "Bullshit. You're going to look hot. You'll be my favorite Barbie doll to dress up tonight."

"You sound like Alice." I gritted my teeth.

Autumn lifted her head, marching proudly. "I'll take that as a compliment." She grinned as she looked down at me. "You're already getting a taste for the feel of a dress."

I blushed. "It's not like I haven't worn one before."

"Leah mentioned Jake likes skirts. Truthfully_, _all guys with hormoneslike skirts. You're going to drive him insane, and he's going to explode when he sees that dress on your tight little body. You won't be able to control him." I did like it when Jacob was a bit…rough. My body fluttered in anticipation.

I was wearing a short, dark, denim skirt and a strapless, indigo top, exposing a tiny amount of cleavage. My hair flowed around my shoulders, down my back, and across my chest. So_, _Jake likes skirts…I recall there were a few times back in Georgia where a skirt served to fuel the most heated, satisfactorymake out sessions. Not that every time with Jake wasn't already perfect enough.

_Perfect_. Things seemed to be headed that way. Perfection was within reach.

Billy veered down the ramp connected to the porch, pushed by my father, as we closed in on the property. Billy spotted me and smiled widely. The corners of his eyes crinkled, enhancing the wrinkles surrounding them. "Isabella."

I handed Autumn my bag as she and the girls came to a halt beside me. I shuffled over to him, grinning. He held out his hand to take my own and deposited a soft kiss on the back of it. "Welcome back." He squeezed my hand before releasing it and I returned his warm smile. "It feels good to be back."

"You're warm too. Still got that blush." Charlie eyed Billy, confused, before I said, "Yep. I am. Living and breathing." Charlie nodded his head, misunderstanding, before he pushed Billy to the truck.

Rebecca and Kim jogged around the side of the house. Rebecca's black hair was stick-straight and her angled bangs framed her forehead. She slammed into me, surprisingly, the various necklaces around her neck clinking together. "Hey."

I didn't react immediately, but eventually returned her embrace. She pulled away. "Uh…hey," I mumbled, unsure of what to say.

"Why are all of you still up front?" Kim butted in as the girls one-by-one hugged Rebecca. "The party's in the back."

Brooke's eyes widened. "Everyone's already here?"

"It's not like they live too far away from each other," Carmen snorted.

Rebecca smiled, stepping away slightly. "The guys have been outside all day and Emily's been cooking and ordering Sam to bring food from her house to my dad's house constantly. They're both out back grilling. Girls, you're late." It was only a few minutes past 7…

Kim motioned with her hand for us to follow her. "Come on."

Rachel took the lead, instructing us. "Home base for the girls tonight is in my old room. We're getting dressed there."

"We're going to fit?" Carmen said, joking.

Autumn tugged her arm. "We'll make room."

I stepped into the Black's home, engrossed in the surroundings. Everything looked the same- the tribal patterned rugs, small figure statues, homemade furniture. Nostalgia washed over me. We walked further into the house. As I passed Jacob's room his door was ajar. Looks like Billy caved and bought him a bigger bed.

I turned away, only to be face to face with Rachel, inches away. I blinked, startled and she eyed me suspiciously. "Don't get any ideas, Bella." Did she really think I'd 'get it on' with Jacob in their house? In his room…on his bed…

Ok, yeah, I would_._ "Of course not." I blushed

After tossing our belongings on Rachel's bed and hanging our dresses in her closet, Kim and Rebecca ushered us back outside.

Jacob's backyard was enormous and ended before the line of trees of the sloping forest. There was enough room for a group of, well…oversized wolves to roam around. The forest occupied all sides.

The first thing that caught my eye was the long buffet table placed immediately in front of the porch. Trays of food were sorted atop the tribal patterned table cloth. Several tables further away were crammed together, forming a row for the guests to take a seat and eat. The sun was beginning to set, and darkness crept closer. Hanging lamps were draped between the trees and typical outdoor lamps lined part of the property, pummeled into the ground, casting a lighted path for those without keen eyes to see. Sam was at the grill, Emily by his side.

My eyes trailed further into the clearing. The Pack was playing football. Shirtless. I spied Colin, Brady, Leah, and an unfamiliar face, watching from the sidelines, which left Jacob, Seth, Embry, Quil, Jared, and Paul for the teams. My girls had caught on.

Autumn smiled as Embry successfully tackled Quil who taunted him from the goal post. "That's my man."

My mouth watered as I identified Jacob's glistening form. I watched his muscles move beneath his skin as he threw a pass to Seth, who stumbled, interfered by Paul who leapt up gracefully, several feet off the ground, to seize the ball. I continued my observation as Jacob avoided Jared's attempt to bring him down, and he tackled Paul. He stood up, grinning, as he helped him to his feet. Paul returned the favor by punching his shoulder. Seth caught him off guard and knocked him to the ground by his waist. _Oh, Jacob, you so planned that…_

Suddenly, Emily came into my view. I should've twitched at the sight of her scarred face, but despite my absence, I'd gotten used to it. She really was a very beautiful woman. "Hello, Bella."

I smiled widely and drew her into a hug. "How are things, wolf-girl?"

She laughed. "Excellent, actually." She clasped my upper arm. "We missed you." Sam placed an arm on Emily's waist, and said, his tone reserved for that of a formal meeting, as he shook my hand, "Good to see you, Bella. Alive." His lip curled as he stared me down. I tried not to cower. I'd always been afraid of him, even if he wasthe person to find me in the woods that one day…

Rachel appeared at my side, and came to my defense. "Knock it off, Uley. You've seen that she's _living_. There's no reason to start a war with the veggie vamps." Emily clutched his wrist, relieving me from his circulation cutting grip. I cupped my hand with my other, unaffected one. _Ow_. "You've felt her pulse. And I'm sure you heard her heartbeat a mile away. Stop," she whispered, stroking his arm, and meeting his eyes. Thank you, Mrs. Uley!

He glanced at me. "I apologize. Family and the Pack come first. You should know that's how it works."

I chewed on my lip and crossed my arms. "I know. I'm sorry for what I did to Jacob." I couldn't prevent the bite in my voice as I continued, "But, I'm here, aren't I?" He nodded and easily lured Emily back to the grill. She shot an apologetic smile over her shoulder.

Rachel was at my side and Brooke, Kim, and Rebecca were surveying the game. Carmen was strutting toward us, her arm looped through the unfamiliar guy's arm. Autumn approached Rachel and I, handing each of us a glass of punch. I sipped the drink. "Is that Julius?"

Rachel smirked. "Oh yeah."

"Don't let him get to you. Whatever he says…" Autumn whispered to me over her cup.

Rachel snorted. "Please, he'll probably just say a nasty, perverted joke or two. He's a decent guy. It's fine."

In a way, this was a test for me, to make sure I could fit in with the Pack like all the girls successfully had.

This was just the start.

I noticed Seth had quit playing ball and was walking leisurely alongside Carmen and Julius, bashfully talking to Brooke. I didn't have a better word for it: They were cute_._ Seth's hands were tucked in his pants and Brooke moseyed beside him, their shoulders occasionally bumping. She was fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist, an apricot colored blush tinting her cheeks. I'd never seen Brooke this shy. Brooke was not shy, she was outgoing, all the damn time.

Rachel noticed. "Awww…_Sethy-boo and Brookey-bear_." Seth and Brooke glanced up simultaneously at Rachel's remark.

"Shut up, Rach," Seth grumbled, rubbing the back of his head, his cheeks blushing crimson. He grinned widely when he saw me and brought me into a bone-crushing hug.

"Seth. You're strangling me!" I choked, trying to push him away.

He released his arms from around me. "I'm sorry!" He apologized briskly. "Wolf strength. I think I got stronger…"

I laughed and bounced on the heels of my feet. "And bigger." I stood on my tiptoes, extending my arm high above my head. "You're tall." I don't know what came over me, but I felt comfortable and teased him, tweaking his forearm. I fake gasped, bringing my other hand to my mouth. "What's this?" He looked at me strangely. "Seth, you did grow up!" I yanked him into another hug.

Julius inched in between Seth, Brooke, and I, looking me up and down. "Someone's in a good mood."

Carmen rolled her eyes. "Seriously, Julius. Quit eye-fuckingher. You've got me for that."

He was apologetic as he glanced at his girlfriend. "I'm not! I'm just finallyseeing her, in the flesh, for the first time." He faced me. "_Thee Bella_. She'sthehuman girl who got caught up in a passionate, all-consuming, violent love triangle between two sworn enemies."

"Should I be flattered?".

He smirked and shook my hand. "Nice to meet you, oh great one. You survived, in more ways than one." He affectionately squeezed my hand before freeing it. "And for that, you earn my respect…for not choosing the leech, of course. Besides…" he leaned in, and his piercing gaze met mine. "I think you are well aware werewolves _do it better_." My eyes widened and I blushed as he winked at me.

Seth was disturbed. "Julius, dude, seriously. Stop hitting on her. Jacob will serve your well-kicked ass to us on a platter if he hears you. We all know she made the right choice."

"Julius, you can be such a douche sometimes," Brooke muttered under her breath.

Julis turned towards her. "I heard that, _Brookey_."

"Just so you know, he complimented you, Bella," Autumn said. "No harm was intended. Learn to deal with the open flirting if you want to stick around. He thinks he's suave."

I laughed, but stopped abruptly as I briefly glimpsed the rest of the Pack taking a break from football. I was staring openly at Jacob _again_ and mentally undressing him as he flexed his arms to wipe his face with a towel.

Leah's voice came from beside me. "Bella." I jumped and faced her. Leah was smiling. "Shut your mouth. You're drooling onto your shirt."

I blushed and recovered. "Uh, thanks for letting me know, Leah."

"I don't blame you. They're a bunch of Adonis's. It's heaven for us girls," Carmen said.

Julius was offended. "Hey, what about me?"

Carmen pressed her body against his and kissed him. "You know I think you're hot, honey." Then she pulled away, still holding his hand. "But, you're a wimpwhen it comes to sports."

He playfully glared. "Why am I with you again?" She whispered something into his ear I didn't catch, but obviously Seth, Leah, and Autumn did.

I cackled at the disgusted expression on Seth's face. "Eww…Carmen, please…"

Sam's voice boomed from somewhere behind me and I flinched; he was standing a few feet away. "Children, quit goofing off. If you haven't noticed already, the rest of the guestshave arrived, one special guest in particular. And, Jacob, why the fuck aren't you hosting this? It's **your** girl and **your **home."

I momentarily realized I was concealed by Julius, Seth, Leah, and Autumn's towering bodies so I could hardly make out Jake's voice. "I didn't plan it, _sir_. And I don't know why it has to be myhouse, of all places." I finally peeked through an opening to find the rest of the gang jogging in our direction. Jake met my eyes and smiled one of the brightest smiles I'd seen. My knees buckled.

Well, damn, I guess being home did us both good. It wasn't like things weren't incredible in Georgia, but this was where we should be.

The same magnetic force connected us and I was drawn to him again. I pushed past Seth and Autumn, as my feet sped up. I wanted to jump into his arms, and let everyone know how happy I was since we didn't have to hide anymore. Before he and I could touch, a pair of strong arms grasped my waist and I was jerked off my feet backwards into a hug. Startled, I clutched the hands encircling me for support, and peeked over my shoulder to see Embry smiling at me. "Long time, no see, Bella." I laughed and smacked him to set me down. As soon as my feet hit the soft terrain, Quil snatched me. I hesitantly wrapped my arms around his waist, and mouthed into his chest, "Hi, Quil." He released me and winked. "Hey, I just want a piece of the Bella-love. That's all."

"It's all good."

Quil shook his hips and I laughed as he sang, "_Bella's alive…Bella's alive_."

I lightly shoved him. "Quit it."

Surprisingly, Jared, Colin, and Brady greeted me warmly. I'd never really associated with them. And something told me Sam hadn't been the one to tell them to be nice. I was positive Jacob had commanded them too and, in the process, threatened them with some type of mutilation if they didn't listen.

Paul's chiseled face came into my line of sight. Rachel instantly snagged his attention. "Don't even try to insult her. I'll rocket your ass half way to somewhere in Italy, or to another planet, if you're lucky. Hoes before bros."

He grinned at her. "I'll bet you would too."

"You're damn right she will," Quil said. "And you'd take it like the whipped boy you are." Paul glared at Quil, but Rachel's presence at his side cooled his temper considerably. Why the hell wasn't she around when he tried to attack me before Jacob fought with him to protect me?

Quil threw an arm around my waist. "How's it going?"

I was fairly uncomfortable at the proximity of his hand to my ass and casually took the limb and placed it on my shoulders. He stepped back, faking offense. "Come on, Bella, I was just admiring your skirt." His head dipped lower as his eyes traveled to my backside.

Oh hell no.

Jacob to the rescue. He pulled me to his chest. "Knock it off, sicko. She's mine. Go check out Autumn or someone."

"How about not?" Embrysnapped, clenching his teeth. He punched Jake. "Man, fuck you! Couldn't you have said Brooke, even? Or brought up Claire?"

I was too enticed by the feel of Jacob's chest against mine, touching him once again, after two days, to pay attention to the rest of the conversation. Jacob's face turned to me and he smiled as his hold on my waist tightened. My arms were compressed against his chest and I was falling into the familiar lull of his eyes.

He ducked his head to kiss my lips, briefly. "Hey you."

Uh, where was I again? Oh yeah…outside…with people. It wasn't just Jake and I. Sometimes, a girl gets a little too lost in her love-filled, sunshiny, Jacob-enhanced world.

I grinned widely and moved my hands to his cheeks as I balanced on my tiptoes to bring him into another, deeper, kiss. He grasped my waist and pulled me into him. I opened my mouth to meet his tongue and ran my hands through his hair, caressing the shells of his ears. His hands slipped beneath my baby-doll top and stroked the skin beneath. I was lucky to come across a strapless top with a built in bra, so the only fabric separating my skin from the outside world was the cotton top. "Did you miss me?" I said against his lips. He kissed down my neck and across my shoulders. He nodded against my neck, snickering. "Do you need to ask?" I placed a chaste kiss on his collarbone before bringing his lips back to my own.

Catcalls and wolf whistles (ha ha) rang in my ears, drawing us out of our trance just as Seth said, "Get a room!" I backed away from Jake's mouth, almost giggling at the expression on his face. His lips were still puckered and his eyes were shut until he opened them abruptly. He stepped away, still holding my waist. I covered my mouth with my hand, blushing as I felt a slight plumpness proving my lips were now swollen. "Sorry," I squeaked. Damn, we were all full of apologies today, weren't we?

Jake cleared his throat. "As you were."

* * *

I almost lost my appetite watching the boys scarf down the food on their plates, like a…bunch of wolve_s_.

_Oh Bella, you're just on a roll with these puns…_

I squished my frame between Jacob and Autumn. Funny how, after all this time, the people I'd spent the most time with were the ones I was attached to at the hip. I was such the social butterfly…

It was always entertaining to watch the Pack interact, when there wasn't the threat of an attack from Victoria occupying their minds and they were just normal, although oversized, teenagers. I was told stories left and right by most of them and had to keep up with each conversation. Everyone wanted to talk to me.

Jake kept a soothing arm around my back. We were so close; I was practically in his lap. Once the conversations aimed towards me died down, I turned my attention to my _boyfriend_ watching me with a smile on his face. I blushed. "What?"

He shrugged. "You look like you should be here. It just seems right."

I nodded and bit my lips. "It feels right. I could get used to this."

He grinned and brought me to his side so I was against his chest. I fell forward, but Jacob graciously held me up with his arm. He kissed my ear. "That's what I like to hear, because I'm planning to keep you around for a long time…"

I giggled into his chest and stared into his gleaming eyes. "You weren't just looking at me because I may finally be fitting in here…" I tapped his chest like I was punishing a child. "Little boy, I think you have naughty ideas flashing through your mind." I playfully bit his chest.

He shuddered and tensed. "What makes you think that?" He whispered. His hand moved from the table to the top of my legs. He slid his scorching palm up my thigh and underneath my skirt. "Because, you're wearing _this_?" The fire was flickering on full force in his eyes.

I suppressed a moan. "Exactly." I reluctantly removed his hand from its position hovering over the side strip of my underwear and stated sternly, backing off his chest. "But, you have to wait. The night's still young."

"Tease," I vaguely heard him mutter.

I perked my head in his direction. "What was that?"

"Nothing. I love you," he said, smiling. I grinned and reached for his hand, setting it on my lap.

"Hand check!" I jumped at Julius's voice. My companions quit their conversations momentarily, and I was surprised to see several hands transfer to the table. Julius smirked. "Just checking. Moving on. Dessert, please?"

I must've been lost in _JacobandBella_ land because the table was cleared and suddenly an assortment of pies and a cake reading 'Welcome back, Bella! Glad you're alive!' replaced the batches of plates.

I bet money on Quil, or even Julius, coming up with that clever phrase.

Jacob sliced a good 1/8 of the cake and dropped it on a plate in front of us.

Autumn rolled her eyes, helping herself a piece of blueberry pie. "I swear to God, if you two start feeding each other off your forks, I'm taking Embry and going home for the night."

Jacob cast a look at her over my head. "Please, we're not some cliché," he scoffed. I snorted.

Jake and I emptied our plate in just under a few minutes. (I had a few bites, hoping to not upset my stomach so I could, according to Carmen, 'Dance like a pro,' whatever that meant. Jake gobbled the rest.) In childish fashion, he scraped up the glob of icing on the side with his index finger. A devilish thought crossed my mind and I grabbed his hand with my own before he brought the digit to his mouth. He paused and his eyes darted to mine. "Um…what?"

Newly improved Bella stepped in the ring again, and I leaned forward, resting my other hand on his lap. He eyed me quizzically until I guided the tip of his finger into my mouth. He gasped and quivered as I licked down its length on either side and nipped at the end. Mission: a success. I could feel him harden beneath my palm and his eyes were clouded with lust. His chest was rising and falling rapidly. My own heavy lidded, desirous eyes never broke contact with his. I drew the finger entirely into my mouth_. _Jake _did_ have the most appealing hands.

If this was simulating oral sex, since I had no experience in that area, I'd have him begging me to do the actual act before the end of the night. It was empowering and I felt overtly sexual. _Bella Swan was a sexual being. _What had this world come to?

I released his finger with a **pop** and kissed the head of the long digit, my lips hovering for a second longer than necessary, before I licked my lips and let out a tiny moan.

"Ow, ow," Paul hollered. I heard clapping from all around me. Carmen even threw in a 'Me_**ow**_,' for good measure. I'd never been as red in my life as I kept my eyes on the tablecloth. Why did everyone have to watch us? Apparently, Jacob and I were the 'It couple,' as Brooke had quoted earlier. Through my embarrassment, I was pleased to see Jacob hadn't moved an inch. With a seductive glance, I pushed his hand down to his lap.

Jake revived himself from his _Bella reverie_ and shook his head, briskly standing to his feet as he mumbled a strangled, "Excuse me." The boys laughed and pestered him as he limped towards his house, retreating inside. He snarled once, and they shut up.

Rachel's mouth was in an awestruck 'O' as she turned to Brooke beside her, eyes widening. "Way to _not_ be obvious, Bella," Leah leered.

I decided _fuck it_ and nearly toppled out of my chair, taking the time to acknowledge the others before I dashed to the house. "I'll be back shortly." I took off, tripping over a tree root as I bustled to the doors of Jake's house.

"Please, take your time," Julius called after me, and I could practically visualize the shit-eating grin he had. Jackass.

I crept through the door, flinching as it screeched slightly. I heard the water running in the bathroom and bravely made my way to the sound. All I could think of was how much I wanted _My Jacob_, right now.

We were still in our honeymoon stage, the part where couples just want to have sex with each other, all the time. He walked out of the bathroom and regarded me. Without a second thought, I shoved his always willing body against the wall. Tonight, my newly discovered confidence was at an ultimate high as I grazed my hands across the muscles of his chest. "Jake, I'm sorry," I said against his lips.

Jake breathed. "Just a little longer. Later tonight…just you and me, as promised," he whispered. He was having difficulty speaking as my lips glided across his neck and jaw line. "Bella," he warned.

I flushed as the almost pornographic words spilled from my mouth, but I was too deep in my power high to discontinue. "You know what I'm going to do to you tonight, before I let you have your way with me?" My lips nuzzled his cheek and nipped at his ear. "Just wait until you see my dress for the club." I breathed. "You won't be able to keep your hands off me." My kisses followed the column of his neck and crossed his collarbone before I met his eyes. I kissed his mouth, and our lips remained a mere centimeter apart. "What my mouth just did to your finger, it's quite capable of performing such acts elsewhere." Self-conscious Bella vanished as I stroked the bulge constricted within the confines of his clothing. He squeezed my arms and moaned against my mouth. "And that's just the beginning…"

_Officer, send out a search party for the Old Bella Swan! She has left the building!_

A low growl rumbled in his chest. "You're going to be the death of me, Bella."

I'd never been _this _forward. It was like Jacob and I had switched roles. "I want you **now**," I whispered. He yanked me into a heart-pounding, jaw-unhinging, body against body kiss, looping his arms around my waist as he backed me towards his room. Our lips never parted as he tossed me on the bed, gently pressing his body against mine as our tongues nearly swallowed each other.

"Yes." I clawed at his back and arms as he kissed my face and shoulders urgently, hiking my skirt up around my waist and stroking my thighs. My legs locked around his waist as I brought him into another heated kiss, full to the brink with my ageless desire for him. He tugged my shirt down just enough so my breasts tumbled out. Before I had time to react his mouth latched on to both, sucking and kissing my nipples, the skin surrounding them, and the cleavage between. I arched into his mouth, moaning loudly. "Jacob...now_._" I roughly brought his mouth into another kiss, scissoring his ears with my fingers as his hands continued to fondle my breasts.

"Do you know how much I want you?" He muttered against my mouth. He emphasized his need by rotating his hips against mine, our crotches colliding. I nibbled on his lower lip. "Stop telling me and just _show _me." There was zero patience for us tonight. A second later I felt his talented fingers brush against my core, and shift my underwear to the side. His fingers slipped into me and I relished in the feeling of being filled, biting my own hand to keep my lewd noises to a minimum as those deft fingers worked me. He tenderly dislodged my hand, tracing the bite marks before me kissed me to muffle the moans spilling from my mouth. "I want you inside of me, now." I unbuttoned his shorts as he hovered above me, lowering them enough to free his member from its restraint. I guided it to my center, as his hold tightened on my waist.

Just as the tip brushed against my entrance, I heard Seth's voice down the hall, approaching, "My hands are over my eyes. I'm humming songs in head and occasionally out loud. I won 't see a thing." I peered over Jake's shoulder to see Seth standing in the doorway, his hands almost vice-like over his eyes.

Jake immediately flew away from me and tucked himself back into his cut-offs. His body blocked mine. "WHAT THE FUCK, SETH?" I straightened my clothes as quick as my mortal hands could, pulling my skirt down and adjusting my shirt.

Seth peered through his fingers and whimpered when he saw Jake's scowling face approaching him with his fists clenched at his side. "Get the fuck out."

"Dude, I heard the two of you _outside the front door_. I was forced to check up on you," he argued and glanced around Jacob to examine me. Jake loomed over him and blocked his view as I stood to my feet, trying to calm my raging hormones and will away my body-covering blush.

Seth leaned back. "I'm sorry, man. You better thank your lucky stars I didn't just walk in. Who knows what I would've seen."

Jacob was infuriated. I could tell by his reddened skin and grating teeth. "Explain_._"

Seth lifted his hands in mock surrender "Emily and Sam are ready to give the girls the good news."

Moments later, _jittery me_ and _uptight Jake_ followed Seth to the gathering outside. Everyone was circled around the Alpha couple in a toast. Jacob and I eased in as Sam raised his glass, his grip snug on his wife.

Quil chuckled into my ear. "Took you long enough." I clutched the glass in my hand I received from Rebecca standing beside me, and blushed. Jake growled menacingly.

Emily took a deep breath before she began. "Obviously, the Pack knows about this." She gave Sam an accusing look, and he grinned, his face glowing with pride and happiness as he looked at his soul mate and imprint.

A part of me broke and I trembled. Jake drew patterns of circles on my lower back beneath my shirt, calming me.

The atmosphere between us transformed from _'_Fuck everything, let's get down and dirty _now_,' to 'I do love you. Don't let the imprint bother you. Things have changed. We're together, and it's not because the forces of nature decided for us.'

Emily paused and smiled. "I'm pregnant. We're having twins." No wonder she looked like someone had implanted a light in her. And Sam, Sam was beaming, and I found he wasn't as threatening, and was rather attractive, when he did. Being in love, and being a father, does that to people.

The girls reacted accordingly with squeals of delight, and queued in on Emily as they congratulated her and Sam, asking if they'd thought of names. Even I puffed up with glee as I hugged them both. What surprised me the most was Leah, and although I was absolutely positive she knew before hand, she looked genuinely happy for her cousin and her ex-lover. She'd finally come to terms that she and Sam would never reunite, or be as they once were.

It was amazing that the wonders of birth, of a new life being brought into the world, evoked this feeling of _family_, pasts aside.

* * *

"So, how exactly does one 'booty' dance," I inquired, the girls surrounding me in various states of dress and undress. I was seated in a wooden chair at Rachel's dresser, trying not to fidget too much as Autumn styled my hair. She cut the dryer off and smirked at Brooke, who was across the room, putting her own dress on. "Care to demonstrate for her, Brooke?"

Brooke delivered a grin over her shoulder. "I need a partner."

Emily and Rebecca had opted not to join us (married couples, or course), so Autumn, Brooke, Carmen, Rachel, Leah, Kim and I were crammed into Rachel's box-like bedroom. The guys went home to rinse off and pick out some clothes. The policy at the club was 'No shirt equals no entry,' so, defeated, they moped home in search for something to wear.

Julius and Jared had gone for a run to check out the La Push Boys' spot on the beach, only to come back and inform us their portion was off-limits. Some private party of _dirty rich_ _outsiders_ was commencing. So that plan failed. Next on the list: the club.

I'd never visited a dance club like this one. This was one of the clubs you hear about over the radio. 'Free drinks till midnight!' 'Girls get in free!' Even the occasional 'strippers at 1 am.' I was anxious. Plain old Bells going to a club, and 'shaking my thang' as Autumn put it so lovely.

Autumn sprayed my hair with some kind of vanilla, strawberry smelling _something_. I sneezed as it tickled my nose. She mumbled an apology before she set it down and skipped over to Brooke. "Sweetie, I hear you need a dance partner?"

Brooke was adorable in her brown metallic dress, as she smiled. "For a moment. And you're, like, ten times taller than me, especially in those heels."

Autumn looked like a Victoria's Secret model. I'd been mistaken when I'd said Rosalie was the most gorgeous girl in the universe. Autumn was something else. Her form fitting, ivory, sleeveless dress contrasted her beige skin beautifully, elongating her already endless legs. Her voluminous waves cascaded down her shoulders as she stood behind Brooke, brushing an invisible piece of lint off the bottom of her dress. She nodded to Rachel, who was leaning over the counter beside me, concentrating on the mirror as she applied her lipstick. "Rach, I need music."

Rachel glanced in Autumn's direction. She was stunning. Her eyes were framed with a seal brown, making them stand out. God, she had a _fine_ pair of eyes. Yet anothersimilarity between her andJacob. She pointed to Kim. "Kim, can you turn on the radio right next to you?" Kim had been the first to dress and she was sitting Indian style at the head of Rachel's bed. She adjusted the radio station. Leah flipped through a magazine at her feet.

I hadn't even noticed Leah already dressed. "Leah!"

She smacked her gum. "What?"

I smiled. "You look like…"

Carmen smirked from her stance in front of the closet doors as she slipped her dress over her shoulders. She studied me with her heavily rimmed black eyes. "…a girl?"

"Well, um…"

Leah rolled her eyes. "Go ahead and say it."

"Yeah, you do." She did. Her jersey-like dress hung over her upper body and slimmed to a bottom piece. Her tanned legs seemed to go on for miles. Leah was, in a way, the only single girl going out tonight. Men would be all over her like flies. Tall, tan, gorgeous? Yep, that was Leah. Her hair was crisply scrunched and not its usual messy, straight design.

Brooke began to dance in a circle, lifting her arms above her head, and swinging her hips. "This is my song." She sung the lyrics. "_She moves her body like a cyclone, she makes me wanna do it all night long_…"

Leah glared at Brooke due to the implications of the lyrics. "I swear I'll rip you to shreds if you seduce my innocent, under aged brother."

Brooke laughed. "I'm not going to!" Autumn joined her, their bodies moving against each other.

I was shocked. "T-That's…no**.**" I leapt to my feet. "There is no way I'm dancing like that!"

"Bella, it's easy. Just dance like you're having sex," Autumn explained. I fell back onto my chair, burying my face in my hands. She continued as she grabbed Brooke's hips. I peeked through my fingers to see them grinding. Brooke bent forward at the waist and slinked back up. "Sex with your clothes on." She chuckled. I whined, embarrassed. Autumn high-fived her and swaggered back over to me, pivoting me so my back was to the mirror, as she whipped out, seemingly from nowhere, a handful of makeup. I closed my eyes as she applied the makeup to my face. "Please make it as neutral as possible," I begged.

I felt Rachel's body hop onto the counter beside me as she toyed with several strands of my hair. "Nice work, Autumn."

Brooke panicked and lurched forward. "Don't touch it!"

Normally silent Kim spoke, "Please, if we all dance like you and Autumn just demonstrated, we'll be _hot messes_ by the end of the night."

I shut my eyes again as Autumn decorated my lids. "This stuff is my specialty. You learn a lot working behind the counter at Macy's. It'll stay on the entire night."

Carmen was slightly jealous. "And why haven't you shared the wealth?"

"Bella's my best friend. This is for her." A grin crossed my face.

"Whoa," Leah said. "You sure you're still the same girl from before?" I opened my eyes to see them all staring at me. I blushed at the unwanted attention. "What?" Glancing down at my dress, I gawked and yanked it down, only to have my not-so-ample bosom nearly fall out. I quickly pulled the dress back up.

Autumn dragged me to my feet and stared intently at me. "Go see for yourself."

Rachel bit her finger nail. "You look sexy, ."

I paused. "N-No…can I just take your word for it?" I staggered to the other side of the room.

Autumn prevented me from going too far. "No, Bella. Tonight is about confidence. If you think you look good, you feel good, therefore you **are **attractive. Now, go to the door and take a look in the full-length mirror." I hesitated. "Now." I stomped to the mirror.

"Oh my fucking God," Brooke's familiar phrase slipped from my mouth.

"Did she just say 'fuck?'" I vaguely heard Leah ask, puzzled. "Damn. Jakey-boy and I need to talk."

You know that feeling when you look in the mirror, see your reflection, and actually like what you see? The sexual power I felt earlier was on the surface for all to see. My curve-hugging dress barely concealed my behind and revealed enough cleavage to be sexy, not slutty, two words that were incapable of being interchangeable in Autumn's lingo. My normally curly hair fell in bouncy waves, fluttering around me. My makeup was minimal, and a rosy blush stained my cheeks, nude gloss on my lips. My eyes, on the other hand, were outlined with black eyeliner and charcoal eye shadow, giving me the smoky, bedroom eyes look.

I feltsexy.

I was at that age where a girl's body has stopped developing and the curves she'll have for life were pronounced. And boy, did this flatter what I had, and make me feellike an adult. A sexual, full grown, being.

Autumn's form came into the mirror. "Jake's going to love this."

I blushed and laughed, hiding my face as she hugged me. "Thanks."

She squeezed me. "No problem."

We exited the room and walked towards the front door. It was close to 10:30 and the sky was completely dark, save for the abundance of stars dotting the heavens. Apprehensive, I jostled my way from the back of the group to the middle, so I was surrounded on all sides. I smashed into Autumn's back with an, "Oomph."

Rachel and Carmen behind me slipped outside. "Don't even think about hiding." Autumn pushed me back inside.

I freaked out. "Autumn, w-what?"

I was petrified by the not-so-angelic smile on her face. "I have an idea."

* * *

Finally, I walked out of the door after Autumn convinced me to remove an article of clothing and spied the couples and semi-couples in various states of embraces. I pulled down my dress, while keeping the upper half in place. "Autumn you are a conniving bitch. And I listened to you."

She smirked evilly. "You know you love me." Then she shouted, "Boys!"

_Fuckity Fuck_. Every head angled my way and the reactions were…predictable.

Julius (who else?) spoke first, clothed in his stylish suit. "Whoa!"

Embry greeted his girlfriend before facing me. "Who are you?" He joked.

Quil joined in, extending his hand. "Have we met? Because I meet you in my dreams every night_…_"

I blushed, slapping his hand. "Pervert!"

"She speaks! It isBella!" Seth snickered.

Autumn smiled at Embry. "Told you I'd work magic."

The attention I was getting was increasingly becoming awkward and I allowed my mind to wander. Where the hell was Jacob?

Speak of the Devil. I turned instinctively to the side of the house to see Jacob, Rachel, and Paul coming from the back. Paul had the expression of a disappointedchild and Rachel glared at Jacob's back. His response? A huge grin.

_Oh,_ _yummy_. Jake was fresh out of the shower (my favorite look on him), wearing dark blue jeans and a white tank top that accentuated his muscles and glimmered against his russet skin. His arms were bare and I actually fell forward. Leah's quick reflexes caught me before I dived to the ground.

Those girls at the club had betterkeep their paws to themselves, or I might have to break out my own claws. Not that I would physically attack someone for hitting on my boyfriend. But evil glares, possessive gestures, and a few choice words sufficed, right?

Then he saw me and paused, _sexing me up_ with his eyes. Oh God, not _that_ look…don't do it…too late. He was face to face with me and, thanks to the porch light I could see that his eyes were coal black. "I'm speechless." If I wasn't so turned on, I would've laughed at the expression on his face. His hands encircled my waist and he lowered his head level to mine, staring into my eyes. "You are my goddess."

I was a pile of Bella-goo on the ground at the tone of his voice and the piercing, stand-still-because-I'm-fucking-you-with-my-eyes look. Being called a goddess from my lover's mouth was enthralling.

Oh, it was going to be a long night.

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**(A/N: **Photos of Bella's outfit to bonfire and the girl's club dresses are up in my photo bucket account and Jacob-Black-n-Pack group for this story, linked in my profile.** Review, please- I'd love to hear your thoughts **=))


	13. Ride

Disclaimer: Lyrics: Addicted-Saved Abel and Ayo Technology- 50 Cent feat. Justin Timberlake. I mention all the songs they dance to. **I could care less that some of the songs don't match the date that this story supposedly takes place (if you follow the timeline of the Twilight series), I like these songs and I'll use them, okay?**

(A/N: **Thanks for the reviews, faves, and alerts! **I'm just going to say right now that, although this chapter has its funny moments, the majority of it is just about _**sex**_. This chapter is solely for the purpose of our couple to vent their sexual frustration, and to squeeze in some fun with the girls and guys, _**and**_ for me to write brief moments of possessive!Bella and JealousandAngry!Jacob ;D Oh, and because I want to write a full lemon…it's been a while :cough: _like a few chapters_ :cough:. **Warning**: Underage drinking and _very detailed_ sexual content, plus a double meaning for the chapter's title ;))

* * *

**Chapter 11: Ride**

_Club Red Secrets_

_(Bella's POV)_

Jacob helped me out of Leah's truck, picking me up by the waist and setting me down gently, as he kept his hands in place. I kissed him, smiling. "Thank you."

He grinned and chuckled. "Just being polite…"

We had carpooled with Leah, Autumn, and Embry, while the others packed into two cars behind us. Julius labeled his ancient, huge SUV as the 'party van.' We parked in a lot about four blocks away from the club. I'd never seen so many vehicles in one place. Had everyone in Forks and the surrounding area decided to come out tonight? Or was it just the hot spot I'd known nothing about?

I really needed to get out more.

Autumn followed me out of the car and adjusted my dress, tugging it down. I swatted her hands away, and said, irritated, "Autumn…stop." An impish smirk from her was directed towards me as Embry reached for her hand.

Jacob laughed, his arms tight around me. "Autumn, she looks amazing…" I blushed.

Kim's tiny car pulled in neatly next to Leah's and, moments later, Julius's SUV zoomed in sloppily beside us, taking up two parking places, diagonally.

"You have got to be kidding me," Leah screamed, exasperated.

Out of the car stumbled Brooke, red-faced, accompanied by Carmen and Rachel supporting her. Brooke gave Julius thumbs up, and hiccupped. "This is goodshit."

"Are you drunk, already?" I chuckled.

Autumn flipped her hair over her shoulder and glanced at me. "Very…"

Seth hopped out next and rushed to Brooke's side, catching her in his arms as she slumped forward. She gazed at him, sparkly-eyed. "You're really fucking attractive." Seth blushed.

Leah strode over to them and studied her brother's eyes. She sighed, relieved, "Thank God! You didn't have any. Mom's going to kill me if you trample into the house after two in the morning, _drunk as fuck_."

"Keep Brooke in check, Seth, or not! Inebriated girls are veryhands on," Embry cackled. Autumn kicked his shin. "Don't listen to him! And reject all of her advances tonight to avoid regrets, ok?"

Seth's mouth gaped. "I'm not! I'm not going to take advantage of her."

Paul and Julius tumbled out next, clinking huge bottles of Vodka together, sipping the liquid in vast amounts. I would have never thought I would see an intoxicated werewolf, but Julius passed drunk _a mile back_.

"I'm here folks," he slurred. "You know you want me!" He shouted to a passing group. Carmen ran after him and apologized to the passerby's as she dragged him back.

Jared slapped Julius's back. "How much did you have, man?"

Paul giggled as he fell backwards to the ground on his behind. "Like, three bottles? I lost count."

This was so hilarious. I had to stifle the onslaught of laughs threatening to spill from my mouth.

Rachel hauled Paul to his feet, rolling her eyes as she leaned him against Kim's car. "They kept pulling bottles out of a seemingly never ending stash in the back. I think Paul and Quil argued over each bottle, wanting the one with the most fluid in it, because apparently, their keen eyes concluded there was less liquid in one over the other. Whatever. I mean these guys chugthe bottles. It was entertaining, actually."

Damn right_._

Quil was the last to come out of the car and he collapsed against Leah, who was the closest body to him. "What's up, honey?"

Leah's lips curled. "At least you're only partially tipsy."

"You just wait! By the end of the night, I'll be the king of the fucking world," Quil laughed noisily.

Autumn was horrified. "Translation: he'll probably be singing on a table, naked_,_ before we leave."

Jake and I approached the group. I shook my head, traumatized. "Excuse me while I go bleach my brain." I hid in Jacob's neck, my back against him as he bent enough so his head was against mine. His chest rumbled as a deep laugh left his lips.

We headed to the club with Quil, Julius, and Paul in the lead, their arms looped over each other's shoulders sharing a bottle of alcohol and singing the lyrics, loudly, of the N'Sync song 'I Want You Back.'

We were right outside the club, walking along side it, and I could feel the pulse of the bass in my chest. Concerned, I glanced up at Jacob with his arm wrapped securely around me. "Isn't this music a little…loud? Won't you go deaf?"

Embry answered from in front of me, Autumn at his side. "Bella, our ears can adjust the pitch, and make it so it sounds lower in our heads. Music this loud doesn't bother us unless we let it."

Jacob smirked down at me. "Does that explain it?"

I shrugged, still unable to wipe the permanent smile of my face. "It'll do, I suppose."

"How are we supposed to get in? In all technicalities this is a 21 and up club…and only a few of us are that age," Brooke raised her voice from her place between Carmen and Leah.

Julius turned around and pointed at her, swaying slightly, his eyes unfocused. "Sweetheart, they know me. And I think the guys and I can pass for at least 25."

We began to pass the line of people waiting to get in, complaining that we were skipping ahead. Their attire was nowhere near formal, and the sign reading 'no shirt, no entry,' seemed irrelevant. The girls were wearing dresses that could count as lingerie- rips and tears here and there, and ankle-breaking high, platform heels. I could've sworn one girl's dress revealed **everything** she had below, _on purpose_. The girls stared, captivated, at the gigantic men around me. Not that their staring was shocking. Boyfriends and _sexual partners_ were delivering angry stares to the guys because their girls were gawking so openly. We came to an abrupt halt at the front door. The bouncer was the same height as Paul up front, about 6'6", but he was farheavier. He crossed his arms and started to say something, but Julius snuck through and greeted him. As Julius sweet talked his way into the club for all of us, I glanced around, dodging inappropriate stares with Jacob's hand in my own.

"Jacob?" A sultry, female voice said.

I turned around immediately to see Jacob staring at something. His back was to me, blocking my view as he said, confounded and not too happy, "Lana?"

I stiffened. _He knew her name_. I quickly pushed around him to see an unusually attractive, blonde haired beauty, smiling widely. I almost asked if she was a porn star because her white dress was so low cut, down to her belly button in fact, revealing a sliver of smooth, golden skin, that her plentiful, evenly shaped bosom nearly fell out of the confines of the straplessdress. How the hell was that thing staying on her?Her breasts were, like, the only thing holding it up. Her blue-green eyes were gleaming. "It's been awhile. How are you?"

"I…what are you doing here?"

"Visiting some friends. You?"

He arched an eyebrow. "I live here."

I must've been invisible, because she lowered her voice to an enticing, fucking_ bedroom_ level, and said, "You should stop by while I'm here. We can…hang out."

Suddenly, I was infuriated. "Who are you?" I spoke tersely, just as Jacob was about to form a response.

Startled, she looked at me, pursing her red lips. "Um, who are _you_?"

Still fuming, I gritted my teeth. "His girlfriend." _Bella, down kitty_!

Jacob squeezed my arm. "Stop. Not now. It's nothing that you should be concerned about," he whispered against my ear.

I didn't know what triggered me to snap at her. Maybe it was the fact that she was my complete opposite, sexy, voluptuous, or all of the above. Or maybe it was the look in her eyes as she soaked in the appearance of my boyfriend, my Jacob, from head to toe, licking her lips and eying him beneath her lashes, as her eyes crossed over his chest, stomach, and groin, like she knew what he looked like underneath his clothes. Or maybe it was jealously.

Or maybe it was because my women's intuition told me the second I watched their interaction that she'd already slept with him.

Jacob waved goodbye to her and smiled tightly before pulling me inside behind Julius, who shook hands with the bouncer, handing him a bundle of money. I didn't want to ask where he got that from.

Jacob kissed my temple and nuzzled my cheek. "I love you. And for the record, you look a milliontimes better than she does." My taut lips curved into a full on smile and I kissed his mouth as he walked me backward through the doors.

I whirled around and came face to face with the interior of the club. "Whoa."

Port Angeles was by no means a fancy town, but this club had talented renovators working on it. Not only was it large, two stories to be exact (we had entered in from the upper floor), but it was pretty. The white lights flashing over the dance floor blended with a variety of colors, a different one at certain intervals. The floors were marbled_._ There were private quarters through a set of doors labeled VIP, including strip poles and couches within. _Uh, no thanks_. Ithink I'll keep the black light, as well as my body, far away from those rooms.

We passed the bars on the lower level and I noticed the cushions were leather. The back wall behind the bar was stocked with every type of alcohol imaginable. White, black, and red were the predominant themes and colors. The DJ was spinning over a huge set of table turners, just a few steps above the huge, crowded dance floor.

We snagged a booth and I was shoved into Jake's lap, straddling him (not that I was complaining), as everyone else blocked me in, chatting animatedly. His hands encircled my waist as he pulled my back against his chest. My dress had lifted up in the back and the moment I brushed against his crotch, it instantly hardened, and he hissed, almost inaudibly. I looked over my shoulder to see him breathing deeply as he glared at me, afflicted. I shifted and felt the bare skin of my crotch brush against his jeans. It was then I remembered Autumn had convinced me to remove an article of clothing, also known as my underwear, and only let _Jacob_ know. I hadn't intended to come in contact with him like so on purpose, but coincidentally, I had on accident, so I gazed seductively at him over my shoulder as he kissed the skin of my upper back exposed by my dress. I rotated my hips, just once, as I stretched to retrieve my glass of water. He weakly bit into my shoulder and whispered into my ear, "Bella…you are a tease."

Brooke leapt up and drug Rachel and Seth, the two people closest to her, to their feet. "Let's Dance!" How ironic was it that 'Just Dance' by Lady Gaga started to play in the background just as she said those words? Seth twirled her and she said, beaming at him, a bit intoxicated, "Now." Rachel followed after her, but paused to nod her head towards the dance floor inviting Paul to come along. He smiled and stood to follow her. She was shaking her hips intentionally, and Paul's eyes had no problem tracking the movement. Within a few minutes, every other body at the table disappeared and Jake and I were left alone.

I faced him and kissed him frantically with my tongue, as I rotated my hips against his lap. His hands crept up to the sides of my thighs as I ran my fingers through his hair, moaning against his lips. I wasn't big on PDA, at least not to this extent, but to be honest, we were in a dark corner. The lights had switched to a white and midnight blue setting, giving the room a beautiful, alluring glow.

Jacob pulled away, but I continued to swivel my hips. His voice was thick with lust as he stroked the bare skin of my ass beneath my dress. "Whose idea was it?"

I blushed and ceased my movements, tucking my hair behind my ears. "Not mine. I was against it, completely."

Jakes smiled, and that combined with his enticing stare made me melt. "Autumn's a deceitful bitch."

"I said the same thing," I laughed, nuzzling his nose and kissing his lips.

He kissed along my jaw line and I shivered as he murmured against my ear, "She's brilliant. Knowing it's all for me, makes me want you more." He kissed my lips, drawing in my bottom lip. "…More so than usual_._" His hand snuck towards my center and I trembled at the excitement of doing this in public, although not noticeably. After all, it wasn't anyone's business but our own.

"The two of you can fuck later. Dance." I twisted my head around as Jacob's agile hands yanked my dress down. _Fuck you, Julius._ I rolled my eyes at the smirk on his face. Jacob followed close behind me and gripped my hips as we carefully stepped out of the booth. _I guess I should give this dancing thing a try_. Jacob gave Julius a death glare I'm sure promised a fight later, and proceeded to lead me to the dance floor, cradling my hand. I pushed past the sea of grinding, sweaty bodies, clutching Jacob's hand tightly. The floor teemed with people, but there was room for those dancing in groups to navigate. Um, was this an NC-17 rated club?The people around me might as well have been naked with the way their bodies were moving.

We finally came across our friends and, for lack of a better word, I was shocked. My mouth fell open, and I clung to Jake's side. Leah was dancing in between two, exceptionally handsome men; One was a tall, muscular, ebony skinned Haitian. The other was somewhat shorter than Leah and exotic in appearance; I suspected he was European. Kim and Jared were swinging together as 'Right Round' blared through the speakers. Paul, Rachel, Brooke, and Seth were in a line; Brooke and Rachel towards the middle singing the lyrics. Paul held a glass of reddish liquid above his head with his free arm around Rachel, who was laughing hysterically with Brooke and Seth as Paul wailed along, out of tune. I almost fainted at the sight of what I assumed to be the most sexually active couples, none other than Carmen and Julius, and Autumn and Embry. I could hardly see Carmen; Julius was curved over her, singing into her ear as she shimmied down. There wasn't an inch of space between them. Autumn's head was buried into Embry's neck, flush against him, and _peaceful_ where she was. His hands were preoccupied with her thighs and butt. I squeezed Jake's arm. "Do they always dance like that?" I whimpered into his ear.

He grinned, almost embarrassed. "Yeah." He stood up straighter and glared at someone over my head at the same time I felt a body brush against my backside. Jake possessively pulled me closer.

I looked to at him. "What?"

Jake shook his head and smiled at me, meeting my eyes. "Nothing. Do you want to dance?"

"I…," I stuttered and blushed as I glimpsed the couples around me. I spotted a figure out of the corner of my eye. "Quil! Holy crow!" I cupped my mouth, wide eyed. _I hadn't said that phrase in a while_. Jacob laughed. Quil was dead center between several girls clothed in mini-dresses with makeup caked on, and blessed with curvy bodies I could only dream to have. Jake stood behind me and his arms encircled my waist. I clasped his hands with my own, rubbing his forearms. He rested his chin on my shoulder. "Quil, how's it going?"

The song switched to 'Blame It on the Alcohol.' Quil turned to him with one hand on the girl kneeled over in front of him. What in the world was she doing? Her ass was right against his crotch and her head was almost to the ground. His monstrous, ice-cold cup of beer was raised up in his free hand and he winked at Jacob. Quil turned back to the girl, shocked she was in such a position.

"Is he wasted?" I chuckled against Jake's cheek, closing my eyes, relaxed.

"Not even close."

I gazed into his glassy eyes with interest. "Are you sure?" Okay, so Quil may have been sober (I figured the wolf genes could help him recover quickly), but that girl was _gone._

He nodded. "Shall we move on?" He beamed and dragged me with him so were closer to the more civilized dancers (Paul, surprisingly, and Rachel, Brooke, and Seth). By now Autumn, Carmen, Brooke, and Rachel were dancing together and I presumed the others had left to get drinks.

"Join us!" Autumn shouted to me.

I glanced at Jacob, expectantly. "Should I?" Maybe I should dance with them before I danced with him. I was oddly nervous about openly dancing with Jacob like I'd seen.

He smiled. "Yeah, I'll be back. I'm going to make sure Paul isn't convincing Seth to do tequila shots off half naked girls. Leah will be pissed." I did not want Jacob near any half nude girls other than me. Possessive much? That thought was soon taken over by a vision of sincere, cheerful Seth, falling over a girl to do a dozen shots in a row off her stomach. It was bewildering, yet hysterical, because the boy was so uncoordinated despite his quick, hereditary reflexes.

Jacob grasped my cheeks and brought me into a kiss, leaving me breathless for more before he dashed away. The second Jacob's giant frame disappeared into the crowd, Autumn and Brooke gently shoved me between them, with Rachel and Leah on either side, partially behind them. I looked up at Autumn, facing me, inches away. I hoped my voice could be heard over the music as I shouted, "How do I do this, again?"

Rachel peeked around Autumn's body. "Just feel the beat, Bella! The base vibrates your body from the inside. You'll feel it in your chest. Just move to it."

Autumn grinned at Rachel and pointed at her over her shoulder. "What she said!"

I closed my eyes, breathing deeply, as the song 'Salt Shaker' echoed through my chest. Before I could even attempt to move my body, Brooke squealed, "This song is so much fun to dance to!" My eyes slid open as she whirled me around. "Bella, try it!" Her body bounced to the rhythm of the opening music, along with the other girls. I stood there contemplating what to do as the tremors from the bass coursed through my body. I slowly began moving my hips to each thump.

Autumn smiled. "Success! That's a start!"

Carmen was gleeful, smirking widely. "The boys should be back shortly. They love dancing with us to this song."

Rachel wrapped her arms around Carmen as the music sped up and they moved together. Rachel winked at me and gave me a smile, her tongue pressed against the underside of her teeth. I gawked as Brooke vibrated her hips with her arms over her head and bent at the waist not a foot away from Autumn. "What was _that_?"

"It's a signature move to this song," Autumn clarified. "Give it a shot."

I paused, slowing my hips, and flushed. "Hell no."

Carmen tossed her head back as she spun around. "I love this Bella!" She pouted at Rachel, her voice squeaky and childlike. "Can we keep her, mommy?"

Rachel laughed and took on a motherly tone. "Of course, honey."

I was thrilled from the company of my friends and their enthusiasm, and I lifted my hands above my head. I swung my hips and glided my hands down my arms, through my hair, and down the sides of my body. Before I could react, the girls encompassed me and I was dancing with Autumn in front and Brooke behind me. Rachel leaned over, her back pressing into me as she eyed me playfully over her shoulder. She brought her finger to her mouth and winked at me.

I slapped her behind and she jumped. "Rach, quit it." She backed away, smirking widely. "I'm just messing around, Bella."

I never thought so much funcould come from dancing. My hands remained over my head as I spun around and rocked against my current partners. "Why have I never done this before?"

"Because you were always insecure, shy…" Brooke answered, still recuperating from her idiotic binge drinking earlier.

"…And you were so against the prospect of an attempt to dance to something that doesn't have step-by-step, specified instructions. You weren't brave enough to risk trying new things," Autumn continued for her.

I wrapped an arm around Autumn's neck, peering up at her, as Brooke pressed against me. "Autumn, I think I've come in contact with plenty of deadly things, and beings, in my life. This is just so…" It hit me like a ton of bricks and my eyes glistened. "…normal_._"

Carmen clutched an invisible glass in a toast to me. "Cheers to being an ordinary human being!"

Bursting from the energy I had acquired, I noticed the several unfamiliar faces of guys watching our every motion, and initiated the 'bend over to the front, touch your toes' move Brooke expertly did earlier. My own boyfriend wasn't even here and I was willing to put on a show.

Did someone slip something into that punch I had before we left? I was having too much fun_._

Seemingly elastic at my waist, I dipped forward and my hips quaked like Brooke had exemplified. I arched my back as I wiggled back to my previous stance. The girls whistled and clapped, and despite the blush staining my cheeks, I laughed along with them.

"Well, I'll be damned," Julius announced his presence. He always had to get the first word in, didn't he?

The boys were back. Julius sipped his Martini, eyeing me, astounded. I rolled my eyes. "Don't say anything else," I muttered. I spied Jacob over Julius's shoulder; he was partly blocked by Embry and he looked like he was seriously thinking about what he'd just seen me do in the way Julius just did, except there was a glint of something more in his eyes: desire.

_Inhale. Exhale_. His eyes watched my every move as he strutted over to me. He grabbed my waist and confined me against his chest. The touch sent a spark through me, intensified by the energy I had just gotten through dancing in public (and not locked in my room without a soul watching as I flailed in an effort to dance). "I walk away for a few minutes and come back to see Bella Swan, my girl, bending over in front of hundreds of viewers…"

I gulped and heat flooded my cheeks as I pressed my hands against his chest, stroking the muscles unconsciously. "I made sure no one could see...anything. Brooke and Autumn had me covered."

He nodded and bent his head down to gaze into my eyes. His voice was throaty as he said, "I'd hope so. Because, all of _this_…" His hands crept beneath my dress and massaged my inner thighs, dangerously close to my center. "…is for my eyes only."

_Oh, god. Jacob, fuck me now, damn it!_

_No! Not yet__**.**__ Tease, Bella. Tempt. Make him beg. Be strong._

I looked up at him from beneath my eyelashes, our mouths a breath apart. His eyes zoned in on my lips and he caressed their outline. "Do you want to dance?" I murmured. He ceased his activities and grinned, nodding. I wrapped my hands around his neck as he bent his knees to be level with me, so I was encased between his arms and crushed against his body. I moved my body against his, and he responded by meeting my motions and kissing me. I yanked his head down further and he tightened his hold on my waist, scrunching my dress up. I pressed my tongue against his lips, initiating an open-mouthed kiss. I sucked in his bottom and lower lips at an agonizingly slow speed. Before I knew it, we were thrusting against one another and I gasped, my eyes fluttering shut as his mouth grazed my cheek and trailed kisses down my neck, nipping at a particularly sensitive spot in the juncture below my jaw, between my face and neck. His hot breath tickled my skin and I shivered, burying my head into his neck.

'Ayo Technology,' the new, more dance-like remix, faded in and I continued to rotate my hips to the beat. Jake's head was hidden against my neck as his hands grasped my waist. The temperature was nearly tropical inside the building. I was beginning to sweat at the contact with Jacob's skin from his bare arms. The sweltering heat, combined with his moist tongue and succulent lips constantly tasting my neck and jaw, made me dizzy and I clutched the shirt on his back, pulling him into another kiss. The world spiraled out of focus as I concentrated _only_ on him, for the thousandth time. My hands slid along his back and flitted across his stomach beneath his shirt as I caressed the firm surface of his abs. I would never get tired of touching him. I pivoted around in his arms and pressed my back against him. I moaned at the feeling of his erection through his jeans, and one of my hands clutched his face, steering it against my cheek, as he breathed into my ear. Both of his hands were firmly positioned on my waist, and I moved my hips against his. Each brush against him caused my core to tingle at the memory of what it was like to bewith him intimately. My unoccupied hand fastened to one of his on my waist and I trailed his hand down my thigh.

_Your hips, your thighs, you got me hypnotized, let me tell you_

_Your hips, your thighs, you got me hypnotized, let me tell you_

My eyes were half lidded as his hands slinked underneath my dress again. I turned my head against his face and kissed his mouth.

"_Bow Chicka Wow Wow_." My eyes snapped open. I didn't break Jacob's hold on me as I nestled against his chest. I mumbled, like I was under the influence, when really the yearning I felt for Jacob was all that intoxicated me, "Shut up, Julius." After directing my attention to someone else other than my beautiful lover wrapped around me, I realized the other couples, even Brooke and Seth, were engaged in similar positions.

"Forgot where you were didn't you?" Carmen giggled from her cave in Julius's tightly wound arms as he kissed her cheek.

"Basically," Jacob whispered into my ear, although the response was intended for Carmen.

I was stunned Jake hadn't mauled Paul, who was dancing rather risquéwith Rachel. But to avoid an altercation between the two, I distracted Jacob by smashing my lips against his in a fierce kiss, sliding my tongue against his teeth and lips. He groaned and wrapped his arms entirely around me, and continued to move my hips in sync with his. His hands rolled against the inner part of my thighs as they opened instinctively. By now, I was covered in sweat and I could feel it seeping on to, and from, Jacob's top. I kissed him as we both kept our eyes open. "Save it for later," I moaned into his mouth. I guided his hands to my stomach and he rumpled the fabric there.

_Ooh, she wants it, uh uh, she wants it_

_Ooh, she wants it, (so), I gotta give it to her._

My dress was sliding precariously up my hip, and since I wasn't wearing any underwear, and didn't want the entire building to get a peep show, I had to adjust as discreetly as possible, while still dancing with him. I never would've thought I'd be locked in such a public embrace like this with anyone, most of all Jacob, my best friend, and now, also my boyfriend and lover. I was turned on, for lack of a more censored description.

I knew he could smell my arousal as he deposited several bites against my back. I threw my head back as he nipped at my ear and licked the outer shell. "You smell so good," he breathed. His voice catapulted me into another fantasy of him and I and I bit my lips to hold back a moan. The lack of sex, unbelievably, another thing I would neversay, was getting to the both of us.

How long did I have to wait until I had him to myself again?

* * *

At one point in the night I left Jacob to ask for a water because I was about to pass out from the heat. It was refreshing, being away from the stuffiness of the dance floor to catch a breath of cool air. I ordered water and downed nearly half the bottle in one gulp. Replenished, I perched my sore body on a stool, only to be approached by an attractive, much older, brown-haired male. He eyed me appreciatively and offered me a beverage. I declined and crossed my legs stiffly at his gaze. Unnoticeably, his hand snuck up my thigh. It was uncomfortable, wrong, clammy, and _not Jacob_. I leapt to my feet, marching away. I was not used to this; I'd never had a guy try and take advantage of me like so.

I skipped away in search of somewhere to be that was away from him. I peeked over my shoulder and zeroed in on him in pursuit. I sped up and kept my head down as I stalked on. He snatched my wrist and rammed my body into a wall just beside the bar. His hands were above my head and the alcohol on his breath was so strong I gagged. He was a good 6'2", bulky frame and I was miniscule, a sissy, compared to him. I couldn't escape; he'd easily overpower me. Fear ran through my veins. I glanced off to the side to avoid his eyes and my breathing was sharp. "I can't help it if I like what I see," he slurred. Why wasn't anyone helping? The onlookers paid us no attention and I was too shaken to cry out. As he held my waist solidly, his other hand lingered beneath my dress and angled towards my most intimate parts.

Barely a second after he touched my skin, a punch flew his way and his body was slammed into the bar beside me. The glasses clattered against the table top and a few people seated nearby jumped in horror.

Jacob was fucking livid.

He grabbed the guy by the collar and flung him against the pool table a few feet away. Paul and Quil were at Jake's side. Proof they did travel_ in packs_. I could visibly see Jacob's hands trembling as he struggled to control his rage. Something told me Jacob had plenty of time to prevent the change while he was in Canada. Jacob's glare was sinister. "You are a fucking asshole_._ You do not touch her. She's not some_thing_ you can use as a toy. If you want that you can go find it on the street corner just outside. She's a beautiful woman, who should be respected and loved like she deserves, not touched like a fucking display in a store or used as an instrument for you to get off on. She's a god damn human being, not to be objectified." The muscles in his arms swelled from his grip on the man's shirt and he looked absolutely intimidating. 6'2" had nothing on 6'7". "Keep your filthy hands off my girlfriend. Do you understand?"

The man gulped and nodded. I was stock-still against the wall watching the scene unfold before me. Jacob released the guy roughly against the table. "Good." He hurried towards me. The guy chased after him, but he didn't make it very far as Paul swung at him. He backed away with Quil by his side. Quil pointed two fingers to his eyes and then to the man, wordlessly saying, 'I'm watching you.'

Jacob's face softened when he saw me and he engulfed me in a hug. _This_ felt right.

"Are you okay?" He grasped my cheeks, stroking them as if checking to see if I was injured. He studied my eyes closely.

"Better," I nodded into his chest as I wrapped my arms around him. I was slightly shaking. "Now that my Superman saved me," I snickered. He laughed in return and kissed my lips.

So Jake was a bit temperamental, but really, I was about to get violated, and if things were able to escalate further, possibly raped. I wouldn't wish that upon anyone.

* * *

My ears were ringing. I knocked my ear against my hand, eager to clear my head from the music, as we walked back to our cars. Both Jacob and I agreed to keep our hands to ourselves until we were safely concealed, behind closed doors, although he was holding my hand.

Autumn and Embry were whispering and leaning against each other. Carmen supported a rather drunk Julius, who rambled on like a lunatic. Rachel and Kim balanced Brooke between them and laughed at the interaction between Jared, Paul, and Seth. Jared was, literally, dragging Paul's feet along the ground, stooping under his weight. Seth was tripping over everything in his path and stumbling along in a zigzag pattern. Quil was further ahead with his arms around two striking blondes.

I croaked to Jacob, my throat sore from the cigarette smoke from inside the club, as I tested my voice, "What about Claire?" I could hear myself. Excellent.

"He's got another 14 or so years before he can even think of her in that has to get some action one way or another. The boy's so uptight over his situation of being committed to a two-year old, and not someone his age, he practically erupts when he sees any female his age or older."

"Poor guy," I chuckled and wrapped my arms around his waist.

I scanned our group to see if anyone was missing. Leah. Oh yeah, she disappeared right before we left with the gorgeous Haitian she'd been dancing with.

Quil's retort was typical. "About time she got laid," he had sniggered.

Speaking of Quil, true to his 'king of the world' comment, he'd ended up in his boxers on the stage behind the DJ, where the strippers danced (there weren't any strippers tonight that I knew of), shouting that very line stolen from _Titanic,_ I'm sure. He had his arms around about four girls in their bikinis and clutched two huge mugs of Budweiser beer in his hands.

Thank God I'd chosen not to drink. I'd be able to blackmail if necessary, not that I would ever do such a thing…_Oh, devious me._ I was a little nervous over the pictures and videos Carmen, Kim, and Jared may have snapped. Although, when the people who had drank too much alcohol recovered from their hangovers and those of us who didn't drink, but chose to head home sober, would crawl from our beds tomorrow, the pictures would surely be passed around.

I was light as air, as we left the club. I had done what I wanted, and let my body take control, holding back my insecurities. I was exhausted from the exertion of dancing with Jacob, my girls, and occasionally the other guys. I wasn't abiding by any meticulous rules, or worrying what people would think of me if they ever found out. I had nothing to hide; I was a teenage girl, out for a night in town with friends and there was nothing wrong with that. I was _living_, savoring the exhilaration associated with being young before I had to grow up and enter into the world known as _college_, where my life would truly begin. I could face anything in the years to come with these people, myfriends and family, by my side.

I felt free_._

* * *

Jacob and I sped back to my house as fast as my old truck would allow without the familiar racket of the engine reaching its limit, hitting 55 miles per hour the entire way. We would've taken his motorcycle, but it was in the shop.

I cradled one of Jacob's hands in my own and stroked the insides of his fingers, contouring his palm as well. "Jake we're going to break down if you don't ease your foot off of the gas pedal."

A half smile crossed his lips as he kept his eyes on the road. "Then I'll run us back. You've done that before. You can ride me." Although I knew he wasn't implying sex with his closing sentence, I blushed, remembering I prearranged to do just that tonight, but under entirely different circumstances. Jacob's mouth curved downward and he reddened; he had caught on to the double meaning he'd dropped unaware. He cleared his throat and removed my hand from his own as he joined his hands on the steering wheel. Funny how sex still made us blush like inexperienced children.

As a final addition of my strategy to drive him wild before our bodies were reunited as soon as we found a cushioned surface in my house, I unbuckled my seat belt. Jake glanced at me quickly and rolled his eyes before watching the highway again. "Bella, keep your seat belt on. The last thing I need is you flying out of your own car's windshield, and splattered against the road, glass squelching into your skin." He shuddered at the mental image. Even I did.

But, the recklessness took over and I ignored him as I crawled over to his body across the center compartment. I was pressed against his side. I bit my lips and gazed at him as I slid my palm down his stomach to the lump constrained in his jeans. He instantly tensed and a gasp escaped his lips. He tried to evade me, but I could see in his eyes his mind was elsewhere, say, to where my hand was currently located. Without hesitating, I gingerly unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans. He clenched his jaw. "Bella, don't," he said, desire coating every syllable.

I nibbled on his ear. "Don't do what, Jake?" God, I loved feeling in control!

My hand vanished beneath the denim, stroking the hair above his member before coasting to the side, following the length downward. "This?" As usual, he chose not to wear boxers.

He jerked and the car skidded. A passing car honked as Jacob swerved back into the appropriate lane. His other hand snatched my forearm and his breathing was shallow. "Bella…do you want me to wreck?" He leaned his head back against the headrest as I continued to caress his length and whisper obscenities I'd never muttered before into his ear, including, "Do you like that?" I squeezed him, earning a loud groan, as he gnashed his teeth together. He floored the gas and my truck successfully hit the 70 miles per hour mark. _Good job at the repair, Jake_. I could hear the engine protest in its effort.

I heard the steering wheel crack slightly as Jake gripped it harder, my hand still at work in his jeans. He presented me with a smoldering stare. "You are going to get it sofucking good tonight."

Oh, Jake, I already know.

_**(A sex scene was here, but because of fanfiction's guidelines you will have to go to my BlogSpot OR my group for this story on JacobBlack-n-Pack linked in my profile to read the scene. JacobBlack-n-Pack has full chapters and BlogSpot will just have the scenes. I hear they're taking down the more graphic stories here, so to be safe, the scene is there. I know it's annoying, but I'd rather not have this story deleted)**_

* * *

"Remind me to never go without having sex with you for two days again. I might explode. Today was excruciating," he panted. I lifted myself off of him, and fell against his side, my breasts pressed against him as he wrapped an arm around me. My legs were still entwined with his.

He smiled blindingly down at me. "You planned that."

"I thought about it…and just thought, hey, let's give it a try," I shrugged as I balanced my breathing.

"This is, like, my number one fantasy of you by the way." He blushed.

I perched my head on my elbow as I looked down at his face, stroking the muscles of his chest. "Really?"

"Yeah, I just…" He looked away from me. "Because it's something I never thought you'd do…or _we'd_ do."

I winked. "Surprise." A brief, content silence passed. I swallowed. "I've been meaning to ask…"

"Yeah?" He said, casually.

"Did you…Did you have sex Lana? She was one of the girls wasn't she?"

His face contorted. He tenderly caressed my arm with his hand. "Yeah."

I should've screamed, pitched a fit, kicked him out of bed, but I didn't. Instead, I disguised my misery and disappointment. "I thought so," was all I said. _Be strong, Bella_.

He studied me, concerned. "That's not it, is it?"

I shook my head. "I think…I think you should tell me how many girls you slept with while you were…away."

"Bella," he sighed, angered. He glowered at me and observed my crestfallen face. He rolled his eyes and twirled a strand of my hair between his fingers. "10."

I was terrified of my reaction. I almost jumped with glee. I'd assumed the number fell well within the triple digits, say 176, or some random number within that range. I audibly let out the breath I'd been holding.

"Some…more than once."

I gazed into his eyes and continued to knead his shoulders with just three fingers. "I figured."

He shook his head, roughly. "I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have even met her. I knew this would happen: you'd meet one of them sooner, or later."

"I asked, didn't I? And now I know." I kissed him gently. "Thank you."

His lower lip slipped into his mouth. It was an expression he wore when he was about to cry. "Sure." I could hear the tears in his voice.

I leaned my head against his chest, my palm flat against it. He wrapped his arm snug around me and we sought comfort in each other's arms. His chin rested on my head as his other free arm joined the other and enveloped me, meshing our bodies together. We were naked…and cuddling.

It was so…_Jake and Bells_.

I pressed my chin on his chest as he looked down at me. "One more. Who told you where to find me?" I was referring to how he'd discovered me in Atlanta with Autumn. I assumed Embry, but both Jacob and Embry himself had confirmed he hadn't and I was mistaken.

Jake laughed. "You don't want to know."

I sat up and his hand twined through my hair slid down to my back. "W-What are you talking about?"

He soothed me, sketching circles with his fingers on my back. "Hey, don't worry. Don't worry about it. It's not as horrid as you think." He appeared lost for a second and his expression was one of bewilderment. "It's just _unlikely_. But, I wouldn't lie to you."

I was extremely curious. "Who?"

He was bitter. "I can't believe I'm listening to him, but…" His voice strengthened as he continued. "He told me not to tell you."

I raised an eyebrow. "Uh-huh. And since when has Jacob Black listened to anything a person he's not too fond of has said, or at all really?"

He rolled his eyes and pouted his lips, signaling he'd given in. "When word got out I was back in La Push, he met up with me to explain what happened at the wedding, distraught over the fact you vanished. He gave me Autumn's address on a scrap of paper saying, 'Do not let anyone know I'm telling you this. But she wants you. She needs you. She loves _you_. So go to her, please.' He was on his god damned knees, pleading with me, like some kind of broken man, so the microscopicside of me that sympathized with him and felt sorry for him took over. I gave in and went on a fucking cross country road trip to search for you. It wasn't just him since I wanted to see you, obviously, but that influenced it because he specifically gave me the exact location to where I'd find you."

My insides were churning as I processed his words. "Why…? Who was it Jacob? Who told you to come after me?" I didn't know why I was asking. I already knew, once he said 'broken man;' I was just looking for confirmation.

He stared at me. The name was like acid seeping from his mouth, "Edward."

* * *

(A/N: I imagined Elisha Cuthbert as Lana. I'm too lazy to get pics, so just look her up. =) Sex scene is on my BlogSpot or my JB-n-Pack group for this story, linked in my profile. There's conversation in there too, not just sex, but it's all pieced together…so I suggest reading it at least for the conversation.)


	14. Future

Disclaimer: It's not mine if you recognize it. Lyrics: Near You Always- Jewel.

(A/N: Thanks for the reviews, faves, and alerts! Enjoy this chapter: The next one I bring the angst; it'll be a while before things are happy again.)

***(**IMPORTANT:**Apparently Forks, Washington doesn't have a college, but this is FICTION so I made one up. Just to clear that up, so you don't bitch. Although I doubt the name of a college really matters, compared to what happens in this chapter overall.)***

* * *

**Chapter 12: Future**

_Please don't say I love you,_

_Those words touch me too deeply_

_And they make my core tremble_

_Don't think you realize the effect you have over you_

_Please don't look at me like that_

_It just makes me want to make you near me always_

_Late December, just a few days before Christmas_

_(Bella's POV)_

Jake's confession had me walking around my room, completely naked, rambling, without taking a breath. He wouldn't answer any of the questions I directed towards him (and myself) and just laughed at me. Then he proceeded to make me lose track of any thoughts momentarily, by pulling me back into bed with him and drawing patterns on my skin with his mouth.

Damn his ability to make me forget, and for being so irresistible

So, again, I put the Cullen's in the back of my mind, temporarily. I wasn't ready for things to go downhill. I didn't know why I was so paranoid about seeing them, but I could feel something bad was impending, and I didn't know what it was, or when it would happen. And I still wasn't prepared for this near perfect world I'd been living in to crumble.

It was early in the afternoon and I was sprawled on my stomach in my bed, reading a book, a Stephen King one, actually. My legs occasionally bent at the knees as I lowered and raised them. I was wearing a sweater and jeans; it hadn't snowed, but it was extremely cold. Even my own personal space heater, Jacob, lounged a few feet away at my desk, and the heat on nearly full blast, didn't diminish the chill much.

Jacob had my laptop turned on and his chin rested on his hand. His eyes darted back and forth as he read the text of a website on the screen. He was registered for online high school classes. The idea puzzled me because I thought only colleges offered such a program. He'd lagged on his studies and was struggling to catch up, so he could begin his second semester as a junior in January. School hadn't been a top priority when he spent the last year as a werewolf. He'd been so focused on Victoria and controlling his anger, that he missed a great deal of schooling.

I'd fallen into a routine the past couple of weeks as I readjusted to life in Forks. I'd spend the day either with the Pack, the girls, both, just one friend or a few, or Jacob. I'd return home for dinner with Charlie and our conversations flowed smoothly. I had plenty to discuss with him since I'd been 'missing'for months. Occasionally, I'd devote the night to hanging out with my friends, which I could now say included the Pack as well. We would eat out, party until early morning (I passed on getting myself shitfaced those nights and chose to watch from the sidelines), or anything else similar. But, every night, was _Jake and Bells_ time; Jake would creep into my window after Charlie fell asleep (he was an old, hard-working man; it wouldn't take long) and proceed to make love to me until I couldn't take anymore and found it difficult to muffle my screams and sighs of pleasure. I'd slipped once and Charlie's feet pattered swiftly down the hallway. Jake's pre-wolf clumsiness returned and he'd tumbled from my bed. I'd tried not to giggle as he crawled across the room to hide wherever his large frame could fit. That night, the door had opened all too soon and he rolled under my bed. I'd then explained to Charlie 'I just thought I saw something_'_ from my position smothered underneath my covers. I'm sure he didn't believe me for one second, but he never said a word; he'd just give me the all-knowing, arched eyebrow, Charlie-is-the-father-of-a-teenage-girl look and returned to his room. Close call.

Sex didn't fill the entirety of our nights. I was content lying next to him, talking and joking about random things, including why I hadn't changed the color of the walls in my room yet. Other times, he'd just hold me in his arms as we enjoyed each other's presence. He'd sneak out shortly after I'd fallen into a dreamless sleep. The warmth, love, and absolute comfort of being close to him were enough to put me in a never-ending, unalterable, cheery mood. Jacob had that effect on people.

I was still shaken by the revelation Edward had told Jacob where to find me. I'd go over conversations in my head that I might have with him and the Cullen's if I contacted them any time soon. I'd even dedicated a notebook to outline the exchange, only to have every page scribbled out, occasionally crumpled and tossed to the floor. My aim wasn't exactly good; I alwaysmissed the trashcan. I knew I was thinking too much into it, but concealed beneath my happiness, I was nervous to see Edward and his family again.

His family. They were once my family and I was once close to becoming one of them. I squeezed my eyes shut and sighed heavily at the thought. Things were different now.

"Are you alright, honey?" Jake said, curious. I snapped out of my daze and smiled at him over my shoulder (I was facing the foot of the bed). He had his head tilted towards me, studying my face.

I shook my head. "It's fine. I just got sidetracked for a second."

Jake rolled his eyes, seeing right through my transparent lie. "Thinking about _them_, am I right?" He sneered.

I dropped the book against the bed roughly and sat up, tucking my knees to my chest. "Yeah," I whispered. I attempted to change the conversation as Jacob gazed at me, unconvinced. "Um, did you pass that last test?"

His mouth opened to retort, but it closed and he turned his eyes back to the screen, briefly. He didn't try to argue with me further and didn't demand we discuss what was bothering me. "You're avoiding the question, as usual." He reached out to pat my now outstretched legs as I leaned back against the headboard. "I'm fucking brilliant." He smirked.

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "You need to deflate that ego, Jacob Black."

He arched an eyebrow and leered. "You know it's true."

Well, he wasn't lying. Jake was exceptionally smart. He'd aced every test and assignment he'd done so far. His grades had been astonishing in school, so the administration was ready to accept him back immediately.

"Truth is, I'm already far ahead, _way _ahead. I could be senior status when I resume classes in January."

This was news to me. I sat up. "Jake that's great!" I said, enthusiastically. "I-I…"

He held up a finger and pressed it to my mouth to silence me and I glared at him, annoyed. He pulled away. I crossed my arms and watched him, waiting for him to speak. "I can graduate next June." His excitement radiated off of him in waves and encompassed me. The Jacob Effect. His expression turned serious. "If you go away for college next fall, like you planned, I could come with you."

I liked the idea. I really did. But I wasn't going to abandon my friends and family. My life was here. Brooke had transferred to community college in Forks, where a few of the girls were planning to go. I wasn't sure about Rachel, but I hoped she would stay as well. I wasn't going to be selfish at Jacob's proposal to come with me. I wanted to get out of Forks, away from the rain, the continuous gray skies, and the reminder of all that had occurred in my life here. It hadn't been an easy two years when my existence was on the line on a daily basis. So, yes, I would gladly depart, and visit every once and a while, but…

"Jake, don't be ridiculous," I sighed, aggravated. "You can't afford to go away, and I sure as hell can't afford my own place, much less one for you _and_ me. I'm already paying for part of my tuition with the money I earned while working." I grew more animated with my movements and walked over to him to lean against the desk. "Your life begins and ends here. The Pack, your father, your sisters…"

He was riled up. "For goodness sakes, Bella, I'm not going to be away from you, unless you give me a more valid reason than that. Don't even try." He snickered. "You know how stubborn I can be."

I breathed deeply. "Jake, Billy isn't exactly young anymore and you've been taking care of him for years. If you leave…" The tears started to form in my eyes and I swiftly wiped them away with the back of my hand.

His features softened and he gripped my waist, yanking me sideways to his lap, so my feet dangled over the side. I sat upright and refused to look at him. He cupped my cheek and turned it to his face, encouraging me to look into his eyes. His voice calmed me; it's usual effect. "Bella, Billy's fine. He's the happiest he'd been since before mom died. And when I'm happy and healthy, so is he. It's that whole mystical tribeconnection we got going on." He smiled. I blushed. He pecked my lips and I tugged at the strands of his short hair, forcing him to deepen the kiss as our mouths molded as one. His hands glided up my back. "Bella,you're dad's downstairs…awake."

"So what," I said against his lips and brought him into another fiery kiss.

"BELLA! WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THE DOORS BEING CLOSED? YOU KNOW THE RULES." I abruptly hopped out of Jacob's lap as Charlie stomped up the stairs.

"Dad, the door's not locked!" I shouted. Jake sniggered.

The door handle jiggled and flew open. Jake was unruffled at the desk, and I was flushed. Charlie looked back and forth between us, crossing his arms and glowering. Thank God Jake chose to wear a shirt today. Dad would have been extra speculative then. "Uh-huh," Charlie deliberated. "Bella, there's mail for you." He gestured downstairs.

I crawled out of bed and staggered quickly through the door. Charlie was behind me, surveying the room for any evidence. "Jacob," Charlie warned.

"There's nothing to see here, sir," Jake mocked a police officer. Ha. I could _hear_ the smirk in his voice. The door clicked close and Charlie followed me downstairs. I giggled.

Charlie hesitated. "What?" He was confused.

I faced him as we entered the living room. "Dad, he was taking a test. That's why the door was closed." I intertwined my fingers over my chest. "I'm not lying."

He arched a brow and scowled. After a moment, he nodded. "I believe you. You aren't a good liar, and it's obvious you're telling the truth."

I shifted from one foot to the other. "Thought so." Charlie's lips curved upward slightly and he handed me an envelope.

A thick, stuffed envelope from New York University.

I shook my head vigorously, and tossed the envelope back to Charlie. "Dad, I'm going to school here, remember? The community college?" I was confident in my decision.

A loud bang came from upstairs. I assumed Jake had heard me. I hadn't shared that information with him yet. Oops. He wouldn't be too happy. Charlie glanced up at the ceiling towards where my room was, alarmed, before he shook his head and looked at me once again. "Open it, Bella. I know you applied and reapplied to colleges while you were living with Autumn. You've gotten in to every single one and you can't be so set on going to a community college. Please. This is your future we're talking about. Besides, a packet that huge is always good news."

I surrendered and sighed heavily. I slipped a finger beneath the flap, ripping the letter open. The sheet of paper confirmed I'd gotten in. I'd only read the 'congratulations!' and immediately jumped with joy, squealing. It would be nice to go to NYU next year. I hugged Charlie and he beamed. "I got in, I got in," I chanted, dancing with him.

Charlie motioned towards the envelope. "Bella, sweetie, read it out loud."

"Charlie, did you go through my mail?" I accused him, playfully.

"Nah. Just love to hear you say the words 'Congrats, you've been accepted to…" His happiness was short-lived as he rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed. "You get my point. Sorry, I got carried away, again."

I smiled. "As you wish." I cleared my throat and took on a professional voice. "_Dear Ms. Isabella Marie Swan, Congratulations! We are pleased to inform you that you've been accepted to New York University to attend_…" My voice wavered, "…_in spring_."

That startled Charlie. "What?" I closed the envelope, having read the rest myself. My face fell for inexplicable reasons. Dread crept up my spine, and the tiny hairs on my flesh stood on end. That dismay I'd felt in my heart, locked away, came to the surface and my eyes welled with tears.

What was wrong with me?

I recovered. "I-I got in…to start next month, just a few weeks from now." I glanced at the packet. "They're offering me a scholarship. A full scholarship to start then." I couldn't continue speaking. Fate was dealing my cards again, and this seemed too sudden.

"There's more in the package," Charlie cautioned.

I rapidly grabbed the rest of the contents, sifting through the information on campus life to find another formal letter, written by the President of New York University. I scanned the letter that described the scholarship. It claimed all I needed was a confirmation call and it would be mine. The words blurred on the page. I hardly soaked in any of them.

One line caught my eye. One name in that sentence captured my attention and I swore my heart stopped beating.

_A recommendation came from an old colleague, who persuaded us to look over your files more in depth and give you a chance. You won, because I do trust the intuition of Carlisle Cullen. _

Carlisle. The Cullen's were behind this. They weren't telling me something. I was furious. I threw the envelope against the coffee table and the papers scattered to the floor. I straightened my shoulders and raised my chin defiantly. "I'm not taking it." I wasn't a charity case. The Cullen's had done enough, and now they were paying for me to go to college? "I refuse."

Charlie bent to retrieve up the paper, reading it thoroughly. "Bella, that's $40,000 you don't have to pay for. We don't have to earn that money or worry about you not receiving a college degree because we could be broke someday. I owe a load of thanks to Dr. Cullen and his family. I respect him. I do."

My mouth gaped. I was shocked. "You've got to be kidding me! You're willing to accept this?"

"Entirely."

I shook my head violently and placed my fingers on my temple. "N-No…No! I won't accept it! Why would they…?" My voice faltered, and I shivered as I brushed strands of hair from my face.

"Bella," Charlie's voice lowered as he approached me. "You don't have to decide now. The deadline is up to a week before the semester starts. But, I do think it's about time you paid a visit to your ex-fiancé's family."

I ignored him and stalked upstairs, barging into my bedroom. I glared at Jacob standing menacingly at my bedside. "Don't even start."

He growled. "Fucking almost $50,000 for you to go to college," he said through clenched teeth. "A scholarship paid in full and you won't take it because it's a peace offering from them?"

"When the hell did you take their side?" I snarled.

"When it involves you and your future, keeping you safe and human, I'm game. You need to take it."

I was inches away from his face and I scowled up at him. "No."

"Are we really going to argue about this?" Jake's hands clutched the back of his neck and skimmed across his face. He seized my arms with his hands and frowned at me. "I will go anywhere, you go. I will be with you, even if it involves moving across the country." It was moments like this that the intensity of his love for me overwhelmed me. I couldn't deny him, but I wouldn't allow him to throw everything away for me_._

Déjà vu. When I was determined to become a vampire, Edward told me not to forget my life so easily. Oh, how the tables have turned.

I spoke my next words carefully. "I am already enrolled at Forks Community College to start next term. I am not leaving this state."

A pained expression flitted across his face. "And you didn't even tell me," he whispered hoarsely.

A strangled sob escaped my lips. "I was going to. But, I knew you'd react this way. I just…I'm not leaving everything I have here, not this soon. My friends are here, the Pack, Charlie, _you_." I stared into his eyes. "Didn't we both agree this was where we belonged?"

Jake nodded wearily. "You can still go. You'll visit, I'll come see you."

"Visit? I want this- you and I- to be permanent, understand? I don't want to lose you. We're meant to be, you said it yourself."

"You're afraid I'm going to move on, aren't you? You think I won't wait for you and I'll disregard all we shared. Unbelievable."

"I-I wasn't." My voice was barely a whisper. "That's part of it, yes."

Jacob snorted. I averted my eyes. His arms encircled my waist as he pulled me to his body. The closeness caused my eyes to meet his and his hands grazed my cheeks. "Don't make a decision this soon. Think about it, for me. Please." His last word was a plea for my cooperation.

I chewed on my lower lip, likely leaving an impression where my teeth had been. "Alright," I sighed. He kissed my forehead. His voice was hushed. "Thank you." He brushed my hair behind my ears and leaned down to kiss me again.

"I love you," he said against my lips. My heart throbbed and I had to catch my breath.

"I love you too." He pushed me against the bed and collapsed on top of me. My shirt rode up and his fingers tenderly caressed the skin exposed. I slipped my hands beneath his shirt, feeling the smooth, firm planes of his stomach. All thoughts of NYU disappeared.

My phone vibrated in my pocket, interrupting the moment. "Awkward," Jacob broke away, laughing. I smacked his shoulder.

I retrieved my phone, digging into my jeans. I noted the number and sighed, annoyed, as I answered the phone. "What, Autumn?"

She snickered. "I'm so sorry I interrupted whatever it was you were doing." I heard Embry laughing in the background.

"Not a problem," I muttered sarcastically.

"Oh, Bella," she sighed melodramatically. "Look, we're going to the beach this afternoon, the Pack, the girls, all of La Push basically. You and Jake should come along."

I was outraged. "In 30 degree weather?"

"For your information, Bella, it's 65 degrees with a breeze. It's the perfect time to go to the beach."

"Are you sure we're not in Florida, or the south? " I joked.

"Bella, Forks has been warm since you came back, so you should rejoice in it, while you can." Her voice imitated a weatherperson's. "_Sunny skies in Forks, Washington? Well, this is a rare occurrence_."

I glanced at Jake. He shrugged. "Fine, we're in," I grumbled.

"Excellent! Get dressed and show up as soon as possible, within the next hour. You're wasting daylight! We'll be here. See you soon!"

I did need a distraction after my disastrous day. But even through everything, I couldn't help but wonder what Alice had seen that drove the Cullen's to try and ship me off to the East Coast.

* * *

I was busy adjusting my strapless bathing suit top in the mirror. I was sure I didn't have it on the right way and I did not want the Pack to get a peep show. Same goes for the bottom. It was one of the many outfits Autumn had purchased for me while I was living with her. I'd stashed most of them away.

Charlie had gone to catch a meal with Sue Clearwater after Jacob and I guaranteed we'd be gone immediately after he left. We were taking our time…okay, _I_ was. Jacob was reclined impatiently on my bed, tapping his foot. "Bella I'm not going to let your bathing suit slide off, unless it's me taking it off!" He hollered from outside the bathroom.

I grinned. "Jake, it's the first time I've worn a bikini, ok? Give me a break."

"You're wearing a bikini?" He squeaked. "Goddamn it. Now I really do have to keep an eye out. Quil especially…"

"Quil does not have a crush on me, Jake."

"How do _you_ know?"

I shook my head and laughed. After a quick observation in the mirror I strutted back into my room and twirled around, my hair falling over my shoulders. "You like?"

He watched me with hungry eyes. "Very much so." He grasped my hips and pulled me forward, smiling widely as he gazed up at me. He licked his lips and stroked my thighs.

I tapped his nose. "I know that look. Not now." I removed his arms from my waist and strode to the door. "You know Autumn will turn into a super-bitch if we're late." I smiled. I bent over to fluff my hair and shook my hips, tempting him. I slung my hair to the side and gave him a seductive look over my shoulder before I walked into the hallway. It took me a second to register the sound of him coming after me until his arms snatched my bare waist from behind. "Jake," I shrieked. He sucked on my ear. "Not funny," his breath tickled my skin. I shivered at the touch as he pushed me back to my room, his erection nudging into my back through his shorts. Didn't he know we had a deadline to meet?

Screw it. They could wait.

I could feel him smiling against my face and he laughed. He gracefully plopped me down on my bed so I could lie on my stomach.

I peeked at him over my shoulder. "Doggy style?"

Desire flashed through his eyes, briefly, barely noticeable, before his cheeks darkened. _God, I had my vulgar moments_. His lips curved upward. "No. Sunscreen." He caressed the skin beneath my top as he crawled beside me onto the bed. "For your oh-so-sensitive skin." Yeah, he knew _just_ how sensitive my skin was, particularly the juncture between my thigh and leg, as well as the underside of my breasts, and_…_I'll stop_._ He reached into the carryon bag beside the bed, retrieving my SPF 50.

"Jake, we can do that at the beach." I groaned, slamming my head into a pillow. I rolled onto my back and tugged him against me. His hand crushed the lotion tube against the bed. I kissed his lips, looping my arms around his neck, pressing my breasts against his chest. "Charlie's not home," I whispered provocatively, reaching for the waistband of his shorts.

Jacob's eyes widened and he beamed. That was the smile he reserved for me, and me only. "Bella, you're insatiable." He leaned up, and shook his head.

"Are you denying me sex? Jacob Black, this is preposterous! It should be forbidden! Laws should be made against such actions!" I exaggerated in a high-pitched English accent.

He arched a brow, struggling to not burst out laughing. I rolled my eyes and turned over onto my stomach. "Fine," I grunted into the pillow. I titled my head to the side to watch him, pouting.

His eyes darted to my face as he squeezed the lotion into his hands. "Not going to work, honey, sorry."

"Jerk."

"Love you too."

As soon as his hands touched my shoulders I flinched at the cold solution. Immediately, I relaxed as his hands warmed the cream quickly and I trembled beneath his fingertips as they glided over the surface of my shoulders. He massaged my flesh with his hands and an involuntary moan escaped my lips. God, Jake had great hands. Leave it to Jake to give a sensual massage while he was applying sunscreen.

"Christ, Bells, you're tense," he rasped. His hands traced the perimeter of my suit's strap, dipping beneath the fabric and sliding down to my lower back. The heat felt fabulous and I eased my eyes shut.

"Really?" The word was a blubbering mess. I was gone, far past relaxed. Of course I was restless. The fury beneath the surface towards the Cullen's was evident in my muscles. To not tell me they had my future organized? "Oh," I gasped. Jake's hands lathered the sunscreen on my legs, rubbing them thoroughly. His hands drifted back up again and snuck beneath the hem of my bikini bottoms to slide over my butt, brushing once over my center. My hips bucked and I begged for more. "Jake," I whimpered. "Do you want to face the wrath of Autumn?"

"You're fault," he breathed against my ear as he stroked my sides, pressing into me. I could feel his arousal pressed into my leg. "Now, flip over."

"I don't think so."

Jacob removed his hands. "Yeah, I guess so," he shrugged. I could hear the smile in his voice. "You can do it yourself." I heard the bed creak as he squirmed away. Why hadn't Charlie heard us these past nights? Things to add to the shopping list: a new bed.

"Jacob," I whined, unintentionally, over my shoulder. "I was kidding! Come back here!" I stumbled after him. I heard him cackle from downstairs. Seconds later, I could hear the purr of his motorcycle's engine.

Now who was being the tormentor?

* * *

I hadn't ridden a motorcycle in so long. I forgot the thrill, the exhilaration, and the adrenaline that courses through you along with the freedom of speed, and the wind whipping against your face. It was too soon when we came to a halt and the fresh salty scent of the sea burned my nostrils. I unlatched myself from Jacob's waist and stood to my feet, wobbling as I struggled to maintain my balance. Jacob's hands caught me and supported me. He hitched my beach bag over his shoulder and wrapped an arm around my waist. I glanced up at him and he leaned down to peck my lips. I smiled. "Thanks."

"What am I again, always? The shoulder to lean on, the friend to help 'his girl in need' when she's depressed or whatever it is she is and was."

I bumped his side with my own and he playfully stepped to the side as if I had enough strength to push him away. "That and more." I smiled.

We broke through the path in the trees to the beach's clearing. The boys 'secret spot' was just down from the main beach. I couldn't blame them for choosing this place. The water was a clear, unclouded cerulean and the sand was soft and cool beneath my feet, not the usual painful burn it possessed during summer. The breeze was crisp, though it didn't affect me much with the heat diffusing from Jacob's hands. We approached Autumn, Embry, and Brooke basking in the sun. Everyone else was scattered around us. Carmen and Julius were heading towards the water in full-body wet suits, surf boards beneath their arms.

"Carmen, you surf?" I called after her.

She spun around and smiled. "I learned when I started living here."

"I-I didn't know."

Julius rolled his eyes. "It's ok, babe. We all get that you were head-over-heels for the bloodsucker. Catch you in a few." They raced off to the shoreline B_aywatch _style. I'm kidding…not really.

Autumn raised her sunglasses and acknowledged Jacob and I. "You're late," she said, peeved.

Jacob hurled my bag at her defensively and she caught it with ease. "It was my fault." His lips twisted up into a smirk. I elbowed his side. He flinched. "Hey now, you're disgracing my ego. You didn't like it?" He whispered, flirtatiously, as his finger grazed my spine. I cleared my throat to hold back a moan.

"I'm not even going to ask," Brooke sighed and flicked open the fashion magazine in front of her.

I swatted Jake's hand away and scanned the seacoast. "Where is everyone?" I addressed no one in particular.

"If they're not in the water, where do you think?" Embry nodded towards someplace in the distance behind me.

Jake clenched his teeth. "Don't give her any ideas, Embry," he threatened.

I was confused. I recognized Colin, Brady, Carmen, Julius, and Seth in the water, either swimming, surfing, or skim boarding. Emily was off to the side, relaxed, beside Rebecca. Kim was on the ground, creating a sandcastle with Claire. Ok, that was cute; I couldn't deny it.

This left Leah, Paul, Jared, Quil (he wasn't close to Claire? That's a first.), Rachel and Sam elsewhere. My head jerked to the side where Embry had gestured towards as I heard a whoop, and a splash.

Cliff diving. How could I have been so oblivious? I glimpsed figures fall from one of the higher ledges and a few from the uppermost one. I hadn't realized I walked in that direction, drawn to something- stupidity, most likely- until Jacob grabbed my hand and turned me around.

"Don't even think of a repeat performance, Bella!" He snarled, infuriated. He was terrified; his body shook and his eyes were far away.

I looked up at him. "Jake, I'm not…Can I jump off a lower one? Rachel's there…" I would never do _that_ again. I would never jump off a cliff without a soul nearby, in a raging storm, and make him believe I wanted to commit suicide. But, I remembered the rush of falling before the water impaled icy-cold needles into my skin and punctured my lungs as the current dragged me under. I knew Jacob wouldn't let anything happen to me. There was plenty of help nearby if I needed it. The first cliff was maybe fifty or so feet above the water. I wouldn't dare scare him again. Ever.

Brooke lifted her sunglasses and examined me. "A repeat of what?"

Autumn saved me from an explanation. "Bella was quite the reckless child in her younger years…" _Good cover up, Autumn_. Even though Brooke didn't believe her words for one second (her eyes gave it all away), she ignored it. She wasn't an idiot; she knew when to stop asking questions.

Jacob's voice pulled me out of my thoughts. "Fine." I turned back to him before he continued. "Just…we'll start low, ok?"

I squealed with delight and wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him, depositing several tiny kisses across his face. "Thanks, Jake!"

"Sure, sure," he grumbled into my shoulder. "I can't deny you much after all."

I leaned away to meet his eyes and patted his cheek. "I know, honey."

Embry instantly leapt to his feet. "I'm in. I say we all go."

Autumn followed his lead. "I'll race you to the top." She winked at him and took off at inhuman speed. I had never seen Autumn show her strength. She was probably faster than Edward; I would love to see that. Knowing her, she'd undoubtedly already tested him, won, and even fought against Emmett and Jasper and kicked their asses halfway across the planet. I knew she was strong, but I yearned to see how powerful she was. But, she had to be on her guard. If she was indeed faster than any werewolf or vampire, the Volturi would pinpoint her location instantly.

Embry jumped, shocked by her sudden movement. "Right behind you." He pursued her, a blur flying past me.

Brooke had just achieved sitting up during the few seconds of commotion. "Well then, I guess…" She stood to her feet. "Seth!" She turned back to me. "We'll walk with you."

Julius was suddenly by my side with Carmen and I clutched my chest as I gasped, startled. He arched an eyebrow at me. "We're in."

* * *

I felt like I was an explorer in a _fucking jungle_ as we struck branches, insects, and every pestering forest inhabitant conceivable out of our way to get to the peak of one of the cliffs. This path was endless. Jacob was at my side, helping me over rocks and tree roots as the terrain sloped upward. Carmen was on Julius' back. Seth was leading Brooke along as she whacked away bugs at multiple intervals.

"You know," Brooke cringed and shook her head, her hands flitting everywhere. "The trek from the bottom didn't seem this far." She tripped over a hole and Seth caught her. Could she be any more of a city girl?

"We've only been traveling for a few minutes," Carmen called out over Julius's shoulder.

"Says the girl who's going for a wolf-back ride," Jacob hissed.

"Watch it, Black," Carmen growled. He laughed.

I tagged along behind Jake, who gripped my hand tightly. We finally emerged from the thicket and I saw everyone gathered in an asymmetrical circle, waiting for us.

"Bella, what a non-surprise," Quil snickered.

I rolled my eyes as we got closer. "Funny, Quil," I said, sarcastically.

Sam's eyes widened in shock. "Are you serious?"

"Very," Seth muttered, responding for me.

"I'm not here to attempt suicide, Sam, if you were wondering," I snapped. "I want to have a good time. Am I allowed that?"

"Alright…" he hesitated. "Anyone going to the top comes with me."

Leah winked. "Have fun, Bella. See you at the bottom." She followed after Jared, Sam, Paul, Embry, Autumn, and…Rachel.

A low, animalistic growl rumbled in Jake's chest. "Paul. If she gets injured…"

"Dude. Chill." Paul smirked. His voice turned serious. "If anything happens to her, I'll let you kill me."

"Way to be fucking dramatic, Paul," Julius sneered.

"You think I'm kidding," he snarled.

Julius cowered. "Definitely not, actually. I'm just teasing."

Moments later, I was standing on the edge of the precipice. Brooke had chickened out and splayed her hands on my back to propel me to the ledge so I would go before her. Carmen and Julius had already made the descent and were hiking to the next level, soaked; Carmen's teeth were chattering. Jake was beside me. I shivered as the glacial breeze brushed my skin. My heart pounded as I marveled at the murky depths below me. Jake placed his hand on my waist and I grinned up at him.

He smiled. "You're ready, aren't you?"

"Always."

"I'm here if anything happens, okay?" He whispered against my cheek, before kissing my shoulder briefly.

I nodded. "I know. You always are." I smiled up at him, warmly. "But, you go first." He backed away and did a running start, leaping off the edge and somersaulting before diving, streamlined, into the water. Graceful. Beautiful.

Brooke tiptoed forward and peered over the side. "Holy motherfucker…Whoa." Jake broke the surface and waved at me before he swam a safe distance away, giving me room to take the plunge.

I took a deep breath and flung myself off the edge, refraining from doing any neat tricks and opting to dive feet first. The air rushed past me. I was soaring for a brief second, until it ended too soon. I crashed into the icy water. No undertow latched onto me this time and for that I was grateful. _I did resurface_. I gasped for air, treading water. Jake swam towards me and hauled me back to the shore. "That was amazing!" I breathed. He chuckled. "Can we go again?" I pleaded as I stumbled onto the sand, free from the current.

And thus I made the jump from the top, safely, a greater thrill than any rollercoaster or riding on the back of a vampire or werewolf. Nothing to hold me back. Freefalling.

Life was terrific. And I had no plans to leave this place. Nothing could change my mind- not my father, who begged me to attend a University, or my persistent, 'I'm never going to give up on you or anything involving you,' boyfriend. Why would I want to leave?

* * *

I relaxed next to Brooke as the boys and a few of the girls tossed a Frisbee around or waded in the water. The sun's rays beat down on my skin and I bent my head back, savoring the warmth. I spied Leah talking to Emily, grinning. A sudden thought crossed my mind and I leapt to my feet. I walked over to Leah, staggering over one of Claire's toy buckets in the process. Emily was beneath an umbrella with a white shawl wrapped around her body. She looked positively radiant and I could've sworn she was starting to show; a tiny, rounded bump protruded from her belly. She smiled over Leah's shoulder when she spotted me. "Hey," I muttered. "How are you?"

"Perfect."

"I've been better," Leah chuckled.

I blushed. "Um…do you mind if I talk to you for a bit, Leah?"

She looked taken aback for a moment. "Sure," she shrugged, puzzled over why I'd want to speak with her, and then stood up.

We walked side-by-side down the beach. I occasionally bumped into her, and mumbled apologies each time. I glanced over my shoulder to check if we were a lengthy gap away from Emily, who was on the far side of where the others were located. I slowed my pace and Leah matched my gait. She stared down at me. "Bella, why…?"

"I-I wanted to talk to you about something." I peeked up at her as I threaded my fingers through my hair.

She paused. "Okay." She arched a naturally shaped eyebrow. I sighed and reached for my waist to fiddle with a shirt, only to find my bare skin. I stiffly placed my arms at my side.

"How was it so easy for you to get over Sam? You were constantly cranky when it came to him."

"I could ask you the same question when it comes to you getting over the leech," she spat. "And I think we'd both have the same answer," her voice softened. "Were more alike than you think."

"What would I say? " I gritted my teeth.

"That you're not over him," she said, simply.

"I…" I bit my tongue. Why was I trying to contradict her? Of course I still had feelings for Edward.

"Lucky for you, you fell in love again. And I haven't," her voice cracked. "But, I've learned to deal with it. Once Emily said she was pregnant, everything fell into place. I was the first one she told, did you know that?" I shook my head, dumfounded. "She wanted to name me Aunt and godmother, even after the way I treated her. I'm not her sister, Bella, but we're god damn close," she whispered harshly. "Why throw away a friendship I had since I was an infant and be angry over something out of his or her hands?" Her eyes glassed over and she shook her head as she came back to the present.

I was getting warmer. "But, you hate imprinting," I cried, and looked to the side to be sure no one had relocated closer to us. My eyes darted back to hers.

"And so does Jacob." _There you go, Leah_. She rolled her eyes, irked. "You want to talk about imprinting, involving Jacob, specifically, am I right?"

"Yes."

"You're afraid he's going to drop you for some other girl," she jeered. "What a ludicrous concept." She backed away and pivoted in a circle before coming closer to me. She was level with my face. Her voice was savage, terrifying. "Do you know what it was like in his mind? Bella, I _hated_ you." I recoiled. I deserved to hear this. "For what you did to him. I did, immensely. We all did. You tossed aside the one thing that made you happy, whole, and kept you alive while your Romeo ran off to a land, _far far away_. The one person that saved you, you couldn't even give him a shot. Heaven forbid you fall in love more than once in your life! I don't know how he forgave you, or why. When I saw Jacob in Canada that was the final straw for me. I despised your very existence. He was a mess," she roared and my lips quivered. "I almost hoped you'd be turned into a bloodsucker so you could spend the remainder of your existence regretting everything you threw aside, because you were so hung up over a single guy and so determined to have immortality. And it was all so you could be young and beautiful forever. Well, reality bites, Bella, figuratively speaking. You're perfect forever was a superficial thing and you knew it! Sure, you loved him, but who would want to live forever? Why do you think some of the wolves decide to stop phasing? It's to grow old with their loved ones. After, oh, sixty or so years, everyone you knew in your former life would be gone.

"Death is a part of living. You can't escape it. Even grasping that vision of an eternity as a beautiful," her voice dripped with sarcasm, "vampire you still can't elude death. As one of them, you enter into the world as a different, separate entity, from whom you once were, and begin a new life. I've heard, from Autumn of course, that a _parasite's_ human memory vanishes almost entirely after the first year or so. There's only remnants of the life they once new. And then, it's only faces. Like, 'this was my father, my mother, people I knew'. Not, 'yeah I used to love this person, once, and it was a wonderful feeling.'" She took a deep breath and there was a moment of silence.

"Sorry went off into a tangent…" She snorted and then cleared her throat to continue. "And then Jacob and you came back, together. Both of you the happiest I'd ever seen. And I wasn't spiteful. For all of us, it was a relief to see Jacob's smile back. I was jealous_._"

I gasped. "You mean…He…" I couldn't finish my sentence as I cupped my mouth.

Leah's eyes widened and she soothed me. "No, Bella! Not like that! Jake and I?" She shuddered. "That's like…incest," she spat out the last word. "Gross."

I squeezed my eyes shut in relief. "Thank God." My eyes met hers again.

"I saw you two, so optimistic, so flawless…and he hadn't imprinted on you. You guys were together and in love, like Embry and Autumn, but more so. Stronger. Real. Unbreakable. Maybe it's rooted in the fact that you guys were, still are, best friends. I know you can't see yourself through someone else's eyes when your with him, but Bella, you glow. You emit this happiness, and I've never seen you smile so much since I've known you. I wanted that, with someone else. Sam couldn't give it to me. And he and Emily…" She trailed off. "They do love each other. Sometimes, I wish he never met her and maybe we'd be like you and Jacob." She gestured wildly with her hands. "But that's going off topic again. What I'm saying is, don't fear imprinting, Bella, at least in your case. And don't cast aside what you have with Jacob for anything."

"But, what if he does imprint? And leaves me like Sam left you?" I choked back a sob. I wiped my eyes briskly and sniffled.

"Who's to say he hasn't already, and he fought the longing that comes with the whole package, and chose you instead?"

"What?"

She raised her hands in defense. "He hasn't, as far as any of us know! But, I was providing you with an example."

I brought my hands to my forehead, feeling light headed. "I really don't want to think about this." Leah looped her arm through mine and gave me a pitying look as we strode back to our family.

"By the way, thank you for bashing me like that. I needed to hear it," I whispered.

"Not a problem," Leah replied.

I perked as another question inexplicably crossed my mind. I blushed, embarrassed, about what I was about to ask as I looked anywhere but her. "Leah, does imprinting have anything to do with…sexual compatibility?" I dared a quick glance at her before I jerked my head back because of the smirk on her face.

"Honestly, yes. That's part of it. The wolf chooses the one most likely to bear the most offspring for a new generation of 'the pack.' It's nature. And generally, so I've heard, as Sam so bluntly confirmed once, "she laughed bitterly. "That the sex is much better with an imprint."

My mouth dropped open as I gawked at her. "He did not. Did he really?" I was appalled.

"Let's just say you don't ever want to see nor hear Sam and I argue."

"So does that make me infertile and not that good?" I chewed on a tendril of my hair, nervous. She lurched forward and laughed as she clutched her stomach. "Leah!" I blushed. "Stop. You're making me anxious! I know I'm not the only girl he's been with, ok, but he's the only guy I've slept with!"

She calmed down enough to squeeze a few words out. "Not good at sex? God no, Bella! Christ! Jake's thoughts these past few weeks have been nothing but 'I'm madly in love with Bella Swan and she's with me,' obviously, said repeatedly like an annoying six year old boy. But, I've never seen a guy replay sex with the same girl so many times in his head. The boy is even envisioning what he plans to do to you next, as if you both haven't tried everything! I overheard him spilling to Embry that you guys have sex every single night, more than once. Bella, sexual incompatibility is the least of your worries!" I flushed all over and squeaked, utterly mortified, but strangely smug.

Jake was by my side in a second as we ventured back to the group. He pulled me to him by my waist and smiled at Leah over my shoulder. "Are you giving her a hard time, Leah?" Leah released me and crossed her arms. "For your information, Mr. Alpha-in-command, we were talking." She shot me a 'don't worry, I won't let him know what we talked about' look. "You should be happy," she continued. "She's starting to grow on me." She reversed and walked back to Emily.

I rested my chin on his chest and smiled up at him as I clasped his sides. He kissed me gently. "The Bella-who-is-romantically-involved-with-Jacob Effect influenced Leah too? You're working it."

I snorted. "Leah and I have a lot in common."

He stroked my cheeks. "Hmmm…nah. You're not as bitchy. And you're probably more hormonal, only in the sense that you're hornier than me sometimes." I made a sound of embarrassment in the back of my throat. "And you're gorgeous."

I buried my head into his chest in an attempt to hide my blush before gaping up at him. My arms encircled his waist. "You're flattery works on me every time, Jacob Black."

"I'm getting better," he shrugged. "You know what else works?" I looked at him, uneasy. "This move." I shrieked as he grasped my waist and pulled me into his arms, bridal style, before tossing me into the water. I stood up and went to chase him, only to be scooped up from behind as he pressed into my back, laughing. He lost his balance and fell backward into the water. I landed beside him. I giggled hysterically. I drew him into a passionate, open-mouthed kiss and wrapped my legs around his waist as he lifted me, and we waded to where the rest of our friends were horsing around.

I think I'd finally reached perfection. Right here. Right where I was. All I needed was to convince Jacob I shouldn't leave for NYU. Money didn't matter. Love did.

_Please don't kiss me so sweet_

_It makes me crave a thousand kisses to follow_

_And please don't touch me like that_

_Makes every other embrace seem pale and shallow._

* * *

During one of my rare moments alone, I was curled up on the couch, reading a new novel. The TV was switched to a Christmas music channel and it was a steady hum in the background. The weather had reverted back to freezing and dark clouds loomed, threatening snow.

'Bed time' was just a couple of hours away and I was perfectly fine where I was, lounging in my pajama pants, Jake's t-shirt, and my hair tied back in a loose ponytail. We'd developed a habit of leaving articles of clothing at each other's houses. Charlie was working the late shift, gaining a few extra hours before the holidays. The only light was the lamp on the table beside me, a faint glimmer from the kitchen, and the colored Christmas tree lights, flashing beside me

Charlie has a knack for preparing for Christmas late. The Blacks- Jacob, Rebecca, Rachel, and Billy- had spent yesterday and today over at our house assisting us. Conversation flowed effortlessly, and Billy and Charlie joked left and right (concentrating on humiliating Jacob and I.) Jacob and Charlie hanged the lights outside, erected the Christmas tree, while the three of us girls, and Billy, decorated the tree with ornaments. Jacob and I stringed the lights on and I tangled myself in them several times, resulting in Jacob having to unwind them.

I wasn't big on religion, but there's a certain _feeling_ that came with Christmas. That feeling of belonging, having a family, comfort, and homeliness, was everywhere I turned. The Pack was organizing an annual Christmas party that Charlie and I had been invited to. I spoke to Sam about it, oddly, and he said that getting invited to such a personal event deems you family. I was euphoric. Earlier, when I'd been garnishing the tree, and various table assortments we'd bought for the holiday, as well as cooking with Rachel and Rebecca, Rachel had called me 'sis' and didn't correct herself. Billy had been nearby and he grinned approvingly; he'd heard. In fact, as if to clarify the Black's and the Swan's were family, we'd been invited to their home for Christmas Eve- dinner and gifts. Just Charlie, Billy, Rebecca, Rachel, Jacob, and I. Charlie and I returned the favor and encouraged them to spend Christmas Day with us after Charlie and I finished our Christmas together. Regretfully, Rebecca's flight was to depart Christmas morning, but the Black's said we could count on the rest of them being there. That evening was to be the Christmas Party on the Reservation, hosted by Sam, Emily, and the Elders. Compared to last year's Christmas, and even the several before that, this was on its way to being the best Christmas ever. I didn't think my heart could house anymore love and happiness.

One family was left out of the mix. The Cullen's.

I didn't allow myself to dwell on the thought of them for long.

I did ponder what to get Jacob for Christmas. I'd bought his family and Charlie presents, but not him. Could anything I'd bestow to him be enough to prove the love I felt for him? He had my heart and I'd already given him the closest gift I could think of to be shared between us, a sentiment, declaration of our love, weeks ago: My virginity. I was entirely his- body and soul. He'd already gotten me something and swore he didn't want any object in return. After all, the only thing he'd said he'd wished for was _me_.

Jake could be a clichéd romantic when he wanted to be. He was adorably thoughtful about it too. I laughed and blushed at the memory of each romantic moment; that familiar warmth of being in love was bubbling full force in my stomach, lungs, and heart.

Christmas Eve was the day after tomorrow and I was plotting to get up at dawn to do some last minute shopping. I felt guilty I hadn't purchased something for Jacob, and I'd spend all day if I had to searching for the right gift. On second thought, Jacob was coming by tomorrow morning to give me my present, so I'd have to save the shopping excursion for after I reluctantly succeeded in shooing him away. He'd said Christmas Eve and Christmas would be crammed with people, and he wanted to give his gift to me when it was just the two of us. I complained, but he was as determined as ever and said the only thing he desired from me was to accept his gift. His reveal flustered me as I mulled over the seriousness, formality, and price of what he bought for me.

My cell phone rang and I jumped. I didn't even glance at the number as I answered the phone. I held it between my cheek and shoulder as I flipped the page in the book I'd been staring at for the past half hour. "Hello?"

An alluring, musical voice filled my ears. "Bella."

Alice.

"A-Alice? Hi."

"Bella, you're speaking to me like I'm a stranger. It hurts."

"I'm sorry," I said quickly. "It's not like that." My eyes pinched shut and I rested my head in my palm.

"It is, Bella. We went from almost sisters, friends, to passing acquaintances." I almost bawled. "Bella, I know your angry at us about NYU."

Something in me cracked and any sympathy I may have felt for her dissipated. "Infuriated," I shouted, grinding my teeth together.

"You deserve an explanation."

"You're damn right I do," I said, livid.

"And we'll give it to you, I promise. We need to see you. It's urgent. Please," she coaxed in a whisper.

I sighed, collecting myself and cooling down. "Okay…when?" _Weak, Bella. You're a weakling_.

She breathed deeply, relieved. "As soon as you can. Tomorrow morning, maybe?"

"No," I growled. "I'm seeing Jacob then…" I blanched. Why was I being so rude to Alice Cullen? "How about in the afternoon, after lunch?"

"That works," Alice breathed. "Autumn's dropping off blood samples for Carlisle, so she can drive you, if you decide you'd rather not come alone."

"Okay," I wrenched out. "I'll see you. Bye." I hung up without waiting for a response. I tucked my knees to my chest and let the tears fall.

This visit was not going to be cordial. And although Alice and the rest of the Cullen's owed me an explanation and an apology, I too owed them one.

* * *

_Don't try to understand_

_Your hands already know too much anyway_

_It just makes me want to make you near me always._

I awoke the next morning to a knock on my window. I opened my eyes to see Jake waving two small, packaged boxes in his hands.

Odd, I remember I was on the couch. Did I fall asleep? Shit, Jake was supposed to come by for a few hours before this morning. I must've cried myself to sleep. It came back to me: sweltering arms embracing me and positioning me tenderly into my bed, followed by warm lips planting a single kiss on my own before I fell asleep.

I grinned and leapt out of my bed, pausing as I became dizzy as a result of standing suddenly. After recovering I opened the window.

I laughed. "The window, Jake? Really? In broad daylight? Could you be any more conspicuous?"

He arched his back and landed gracefully with a soft thud. "I could be. Do you want me to be? I'll pass." He smiled.

I covered my mouth as he leant in to kiss me. "Morning breath! Let me brush my teeth first, please?" He nudged my hand away and kissed me harder. His hands branched out along my back and he pulled me so I was crushed against him.

He disconnected our lips and bent his head to look into my eyes. "How many times have I kissed you before you even crawled out of bed in the morning?"

"Several," I whispered, blissful.

"Exactly." He gently pushed me to sit on the side of my bed as he kneeled down in front of me and handed me one of the boxes, slightly larger than the other one. I took the gift from his hands.

I hesitated and glanced at him. "Jake, why didn't you wake me up last night? I wanted you beside me…_inside_ of me to be more precise." I blushed.

He laughed nervously and his cheeks darkened. "Bella, you looked like you'd been crying," he stroked my cheek. "And you were out of it before I really got to kiss you. What happened?"

"I'd rather not talk about."

"Okay." A brief silence passed. "Open it." I leisurely untied the gift. I lifted the lid to find a woven, handmade bracelet. It was two black leather-like strings twined together with a white painted, handmade inscription reading 'Love, destiny, Jake and Bells,' as well as another wooden figurine of a girl cuddling with a wolf. Our initials were engraved at the end of the sentence with a heart in between them. Although the initials were childlike, there was no other way to describe us; I'd known him since we were very young. He was my best friend, my savior. Our relationship began as children and blossomed into what it is now, each of us moving forward into adulthood, together.

Tears spilled from my eyes. "Jake," I whispered. "You always put so much thought into everything you give me and it's just so much." I stared into his eyes. He gazed at me and cupped my chin, kissing away a stray tear. "I didn't get you anything." He tied the bracelet around my tiny wrist and his huge fingers brushed gently against the skin, standing the tiny hair follicles on end. He leaned away so he could meet my eyes.

"Remember what I said? The only thing I want is for you to do is accept this." He handed me the other, smaller, container. My hands trembled as I unwrapped it. "Just so you know, no money went into this one, or the other one for that matter. This particular one was handed down."

I gawked at him, intrigued, before I unlatched the clasp and opened it. "Jake," I gasped.

"It's not…it's not an engagement ring. It's a commitment ring. I am going to marry you one day though."

"After we both finish college," I sighed, relieved.

"That's the plan." He reached for my hands surrounding the ring. His eyes bored into my own. "As long as you say yes, that's the only verification I need."

The ring was the most beautiful piece of jewelry I'd seen. It was solid gold and prongs held a dainty, real diamond. The sides were lined with miniature diamonds on the outside and an engraving inside was written in what I assumed to be Quileute. "What does it say?" I whispered, staring at him. His hands dug into my thighs as he swallowed. His eyes welled up.

"'My forever begins and ends with you.'"

"Jake," I sobbed. I leant forward and launched myself into his arms as I snuggled into his neck. He wrapped his arms around my body, confining me to him. I moved away enough so he could hear me clearly. He grasped the ring between my fingers. "Jake, how much was this?" I was concerned

"It didn't cost me a thing. Just a long talk with dad, Rachel, Rebecca, and Charlie."

"Charlie?"

"I had to remind him that I wasn't technically proposing, but I was solidifying our relationship. He's difficult to convince.

"How did you get it?" My eyes flickered to the ring in his palm, miniscule compared to the mass of his hand. I ran my fingers along the rim.

"My father bought it a while back. It was custom made, probably hundreds to thousands of dollars. He did the calligraphy himself. It was the engagement ring he gave to my mother."

My eyes snapped to his. Edward proposed to me with his mother's ring. I didn't like the similarity at all. But the intimacy and personal value of the words stamped across the inner side ruled over that fearsome reminder.

After a moments silence, Jacob vibrated, ever so slightly. I noticed and he calculated my expression. I was sure a thousand different emotions flickered across my face. Did he think I would say 'no'? "Jacob, of course I'll take it. I do! Ok?"

He smiled _my smile_ and my whole world lit up. "Are you sure?" I nodded. I wouldn't mind having a corporeal object that bound us together. He slid the ring over the appropriate finger and yanked me into his arms as I stood up. He twirled me around. I kissed him without restraint, smiling against his lips. "Yes, I do. I do!" After a seemingly never ending kiss, both of us unable or unwilling to keep our hands off of each other, he dropped me to the ground.

I kissed him once more before my face fell. "Jake, I'm going to see them today. I already agreed. I have to." His smile vanished and he grimaced. He didn't need an explanation for _them_.

"I don't want you to," he said, clamping his teeth. "What if…?" He laughed, apprehensive, as he scratched the back of his head.

"What if what, Jacob? You think I'll fall back into Edward's arms like that?" I snapped my fingers for effect.

"You have before."

"Things were different then, Jake," I sighed heavily, running my fingers through my hair.

A horn honked; Autumn was here. She was early. Both Jake and I glanced at the window before our eyes met again. He had a rarely seen, troubled expression on his face. I marched towards him and cupped his cheeks, tugging his face to mine. "Look, Jacob, I promise you, I'm going to come back and nothing will be changed. This conversation with them has been inevitable for months now."

Again, we both knew _them_ really meant Edward.

"Okay," I said, desperately. He nodded briskly. "I love you. And I'll see you as soon as I possibly can." He gave me one more lingering kiss before bouncing out the window, landing with a thump on the earth below.

I quickly went to freshen myself up. I showered, brushed my teeth, and put on the first set of clothes I could find. I composed myself with several deep breaths before heading downstairs and crawling into the car with Autumn.

As soon as I sat down, I thrust my head back against the headrest. Autumn patted my hand reassuringly before locking the car's door. She rolled down her window and I opened my eyes to see Jacob's head level with the window as he bent down. His hands clung to the door. The metal dented beneath his grip. He clutched my face and kissed me again. It was the same intensity as the kiss we shared before the battle with Victoria and I moaned as my fingers dug into his arms. Again, the fire was creeping within the crevices of my body, everywhere, as our mouths moved against one another. I leaned outside the window to tug on the strands of his hair, begging for a deeper kiss. He complied and our tongues battled as his hands caressed the skin of my back underneath my jacket. He pulled away and I was breathless.

I was surprised Autumn hadn't said something. Maybe she could feel, with her heightened senses, the emotions coursing through me and my desperate need to not see the Cullen's. Did she even have a special power? Or maybe she was reviving her role as my best friend, reading my every movement, and I'm sure her keen eyes caught the ring gleaming on my finger. Autumn never needed to say a thing when the situation was this drastic. Actions were better than words. Something Jacob had taught me, and proven, time and time again.

Jacob's dark eyes were locked on my own cloudy ones as his hands glided back to my face from my back. "Isabella Swan, you better come back to me." The tears in his voice and the quaking from his body were unmistakable.

"I will," I whispered, baring my soul to him with my eyes. He had to know I was going to return to him, and only him. Not Edward. Never again. "I promise," my voice cracked.

There was such finality to our words that I almost reconsidered going to see the Cullen's.

Autumn pulled out and Jake and my fingers touched until we parted.

I leaned against the seat as I watched him in the rearview mirror. He clenched his fists and walked into the forest surrounding my house. I could see the remnants of his shredded shorts flutter to the ground.

_And when you look into my eyes_

_Please know my heart is in your hands_

_It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms_

_You have complete power over me_

_I want to be near you always_

* * *

I tapped my fingers repeatedly on the dashboard, rocking my knees against my chest, panicking.

"Bella!" Autumn snapped. "Cut it out."

My words were jumbled. "I-I can't do this." I shook my head spastically. "Something bad is lurking. Something that I know will tear Jake and me apart. I can feel it in my body Autumn, surging in my veins, sinking my heart, straight through to my bones."

"Bella, quit being so paranoid!" Her laugh was hollow. "All you're going to do is see your other family and your ex-fiancé. What's the worst that can happen?" Her voice strained at the end.

"See, Autumn! You know this isn't good!"

"Bella, I don't know anything," she sighed, exasperated. "What I do know is that something is very wrong if you're this worried about seeing them."

"Did you know they paid for a full scholarship to New York University for me to start next term?" My words came out almost as one, I spoke so swiftly.

Her head jerked towards me. "You're joking."

"Autumn, look at me." I held up my unstable hands; they were shaking violently. "How could I be lying?"

She turned her eyes back to the road just as the rain started to beat against the windshield in heavy torrents. "Bella, don't jump to any conclusions until you've talked with them, _all of them_." She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye. "Do you honestly think you'll fall for Edward's charms, again?"

"I know I won't." My words were true; I'd never meant anything more. "I'm not over him. I still love him. But it's not as strong as how I feel for Jacob, _my sun_, not anymore, not even close. At this point, leaving Jacob is out of the question. The thought isn't even in the furthest regions of my mind. I made my choice, Autumn." Leah's words reverberated in my mind. "I'm human; I'm going to grow old with Jacob, you, my friends, my family, The Pack. I'll have kids, no less than two. I'm not going to become a vampire, clinging to this unrealistic vision of a perfect eternity that _will_ be filled with remorse. My decision is final. I'll leave this town and everyone here, as much as I'd rather not, before I become a murderous, new born vampire."

"You are so fortunate, Bella! Every vampire I've met never had the choice you had. The werewolves didn't have one either. And you made the right one." She gestured to herself. "I didn't even have a choice. I was the product of a union that was so forbidden that I'm the only one of my kind. I was made into something that shouldn't exist. You think vampires and werewolves don't belong in this world, then to have a hybrid on the loose is alien." She trailed off. Her eyes focused ahead. "We're here."

I turned from her to peer through the window. The rain slacked, for now. A little more than a drizzle sprinkled against the windshield. The wipers echoed in my ears, as well as the pulsing of my heart, as the line of trees on the long driveway thinned to reveal the white, colossal, classical house of the Cullen's. Unchanged since I remembered. Instead of the familiar comfort of seeing the house, I was consumed with an ominous feeling. It was still glamorous, but hauntingly so, almost foreboding. A home for a clan of vampires.

We eased to a stop as Autumn put the car in park and turned it off.

Just a few yards away there was a sleek, silver Volvo.

They were all home. Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, Alice.

And Edward.

* * *

(A/N: Photos of Bella' swimsuit and her outfit to the Cullen's are in my photo bucket account and the Jacob-Black-n-Pack group for this story, linked in my profile)


	15. Edward

Disclaimer: I don't own what you recognize. If I did, _Breaking Dawn_ would have never existed and J/B would have ended up together, and the book after _Eclipse_ would be in the adult romance section of the bookstore because I'm not going to write like a saint (:cough: Stephenie Meyer. I mean seriously, _fade to black_? I don't think so.) And I would make Jake and Bells have tons of sex. Lyrics: Near To You- A Fine Frenzy and Let Go- Red (I highly recommend any and all songs by this band)

* * *

**Chapter 13: Edward**

_He and I had something beautiful_

_But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last_

_(Bella's POV)_

I couldn't move as I sat in Autumn's passenger seat, observing the familiar surroundings. I spied a white, new Acura parked behind Carlisle's Mercedes. An actual tag wasn't even in place; there was a temporary one attached to the chrome plate.

What the hell? "Whose car is that?" I croaked.

Autumn shrugged, as if the whole situation was so casual. "New car, probably?" Her eyebrows furrowed and she squinted through the windshield. "Actually, that doesn't look like a car they would own. It's too compact and _normal_."

I tried to laugh, but it came out as a whimper. I was immobile- I hadn't moved an inch- and all I could do was stare at the front door. "Bella." I jumped halfway out of my seat, knocking my head against the roof of her car. I flinched and rubbed the back of my head, feeling a slight swell forming. "Shit."

"Bella!" Autumn said my name, again, louder and snatched my trembling arm. I snapped my eyes to hers. After giving her my full attention, she relinquished her grasp. "Listen to me. There's something you should know…"

I emitted a tiny, nervous laugh.

"You…smell." Her nose twitched.

I laughed hysterically, on the verge of going insane. "I know I do! I've been in the arms of a werewolf daily for three months now!"

"Bella, you don't understand."

I glared at her. "Um, yes, I do. Vampires and werewolves don't like the way their opposing kind smells. I know."

"Bella, you smell like Jacob and…sex."

I blushed. "I didn't even sleep with him last night and I shower every time! Your species can distinguish different scents. I know."

"Bella." Her voice was barely a whisper. "It's a different aroma. It's a warning smell for vampires and werewolves alike."

"Huh?" Now I was confused.

"Jacob loves you. And now, he has a claim over you that wards off other supernatural males and females, particularly ones that have feelings for you." Autumn's cheeks were pink. She never blushed.

I was silent for a moment. "So you're saying it's a wolf thing? I'm not his imprint!"

She rolled her eyes. "You're his mate, in all sense of the word. It's predatory." She glanced at the Cullen's home. "Edward's not going to like your scent…at least, not this time."

"Great," I mumbled.

"Yeah…last night, I asked that they ignore it, and not say anything outright. But Edward was somewhere else, so he doesn't know."

"Fuck," I groaned and banged my head against the dashboard.

* * *

After composing myself for a good ten minutes, Autumn assisted me as we walked towards my _doom_. I grasped her hand and she wrapped her other hand around my own. I thanked her with a slight smile as we followed the pathway leading to the door. I was restless and my breathing was ragged. She squeezed my hand tighter as she knocked on the door. The comfort of my best friend's touch soothed my nerves and I took a deep breath before closing my eyes.

The door creaked open. I opened my eyes at the sound of Esme's beautiful voice. "Oh, Bella. Welcome back." She looked stunning, as expected.

A wave of calm suppressed any anger I had bottled up. Jasper.

I grinned and ran into her arms. "Esme." Her cold arms enveloped me. I hadn't touched anything thatcold since before the wedding. I shivered and pulled away from her. Guilt washed through me as I retreated back to Autumn's side, feeling out of place in the house I once called home.

Esme didn't seem affected by my rejection, or she did a good job of concealing it. "Good to see you again," she greeted Autumn warmly.

"For her monthly visit." I turned to see Carlisle stride into the room, elegantly dressed in a white sweater and black trousers. He placed a hand on my arm. "Bella. You look wonderful." He smiled

I blushed. I crossed my hands in front of me, covering Jacob's ring. They'd notice sooner or later, but I'd rather it not be what will spark the discussion.

Carlisle released me as he faced Autumn. "The usual?"

She reached into her brown leather jacket's pocket and retrieved a vial of blood. _Her blood_. I looked away, queasy. Blood and I didn't get along. I felt a breeze brush against me and glanced back to see Carlisle, with nothing in his hand. "Secured in my lab."

"Anything new?" Autumn fidgeted with her hands.

"As far as the Volturi being familiar with you?" She nodded. Carlisle continued, "They know you exist, but they aren't aware of how you look, therefore Demetri is still incapable of tracking you at the moment. Lucky for us." He laughed heartily. "But, that doesn't mean they're giving up anytime soon." Autumn pulled her quivering lower lip into her month. She was still terrified they'd come after her.

I went to place a reassuring hand on her arm before a voice interrupted me. "Bella?" I lowered my arm and turned to see Alice gliding gracefully towards me. He cropped hair was styled neatly and she wore a white sweater dress, illuminating her nearly translucent skin.

"Hey," I hesitated, ducking my head to peer at Autumn. She narrowed her eyes, her expression clearly saying 'She's not a stranger. Don't treat her like one.'

I mustered a smile in Alice's direction and she engulfed me in a hug, her miniature frame encircling my own. I'd removed my jacket before entering their home and the goose bumps formed on my skin beneath her touch. I ignored it and firmly latched onto her, careful not to crush my lungs. Jasper, dressed in all black, descended the stairs and titled his head in my direction. Another surge of calm swept through me. He could sense my pent up frustration and had managed to suppress it to a mere spark. I wouldn't allow this for longer than necessary and I was going to be sure to let him know. I pulled away from Alice and she clasped my hand. Her icy hands were not soothing like they once had been. _Bella_ and freezing temperatures weren't compatible anymore. My body had grown accustomed to a sweltering heat and again, I was sad.

"It's been so long." She stared into my eyes.

Jasper rested a hand on Alice's back and smiled down at her. She gazed lovingly up at him before they're attention was centered on me. "What she means to say, is thank you for coming."

She playfully nudged him. "I was getting there."

Rosalie and Emmett were suddenly by my side. Rosalie gave me a tight lipped smile and I mouthed 'thank you' to her in reference to the night she instigated my epiphany. She nodded and stood by Emmett's side. Her appearance still captivated me; she was wearing a crimson dress with bold makeup that matched the color perfectly.

Emmett swept me off my feet into a bear hug, removing my hands from Alice's. "Emmett! Stop! I'm mortal." He released me and I clutched my chest to breathe correctly, coughing. "I'm just happy to see you! Sorry!" He poked my side. I giggled as I absorbed his attire; jeans paired with a Christmas sweater and reindeer antlers on his head (fake and stuffed, of course).

Rosalie actually smiled and tugged on one of the antlers. "He's getting into the Christmas spirit." Her smile faded to a close-mouthed one as I returned in her line of sight

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Less drastic than last year, thankfully." He smiled towards the end.

I was alright with the situation…where I was. But someone was missing. I faced Carlisle. He knew my question before I asked it. "Edward's hunting Bella, but he will be back within the next hour."

"We all went hunting before you came," Alice explained. "My vision that you were coming to see us happened a few days ago, so every one of us took a trip to satisfyourselves before we were exposed to the scent of your blood again after all these months." She solemnly grinned at me. "Edward… it's more difficult for him. He wanted to be sure he wouldn't assault you, so he went hunting last minute, today actually. He didn't even take his car."

"I noticed," I said under my breath.

"I'm going to leave now," Autumn interrupted, clapping her hands, realizing this conversation, thankfully (in her mind) didn't have to include her presence anymore.

My eyes widened and I stumbled to her side, clutching her arms as she turned away. She glanced sharply at me, surprised. "Autumn," I pleaded with her. "Please, stay." I knew the Cullen's could hear me but I wanted her by my side. I needed something to tie me to the ground before I became belligerent or said things I'd regret. My eyes watered.

"Bella." She tampered with my wrist, locked around her arm in death grip, and loosened it. "You have to do this yourself. I'll be shopping nearby. If it's necessary and if it makes you feel better, you can call me and I'll be here within a few minutes. I'll run if I have to, okay?" I nodded, but even as she passed through the doors, my hand was still outstretched towards her. As soon as the door shut, I hastily turned to meet the intense stares of the Cullen's.

Rosalie's eyes were fixed on my hands. "What is that?" She hissed.

My eyes widened and I glanced at the exposed ring on my hand. I began to tuck it into my jeans pocket. I blinked and Alice was there, seizing my hand and examining the ring. "Bella, it's beautiful!" She was hypnotized and her voice was almost dream-like.

"You're engaged to him? Just what Edward needs!" Rosalie growled. My eyes blurred at the tone of her voice. This went beyond the rivalry with the wolves. I knew she fully accepted that I was still human. This was about family, concern for her brother.

"Rosalie, that's enough." Carlisle glared at her, motioning towards her with his hand to inform her to 'keep quiet'. His voice was sweet, relaxed, but with enough force to be commanding.

"It's not an engagement ring. I mean it _is_, but…" I shook my head and shut my eyes. "It's more of a…we're waiting type of thing."

"So it's official, you're with the _dog_," Emmett chimed in. He winked. I exhaled. I despised the derogatory term, but Emmett had lightened the mood. The others quietly laughed or smiled as well.

I awkwardly studied their beautiful, stone faces, wobbling nervously on the balls of my feet and shuffling the bracelet Jake had given me this morning up and down my wrist. I craved a different set of people. A rowdy, hilarious, warm, never silenced group of friends. It seemed like an eternity of silence passed; I could hear the ticking of the grandfather clock. Really, it was just seconds before Carlisle spoke.

"Bella, if we're going to do this, we need to find somewhere more suitable for you. The living room, perhaps?"

"Under one condition," I demanded. "Jasper doesn't use his power on me." All eyes fell on Jasper.

He nodded. "It's a deal."

* * *

They were scattered around the living room as I reluctantly sat on the couch. "Before you explain," I gritted my teeth, briefly, before my voice softened. "I wanted to say something to Alice." I glanced at her, sitting on the armrest beside me. "Thank you for tending to Charlie."

"Anything for you, Bella." She affectionately rubbed the top of my hand before noticing my discomfort. She withdrew her hand back to her side, dejected.

The others stood around me, except for Emmet, leaning against the piano, and Esme, perched in the loveseat adjacent to the couch with her legs crossed. Human habits they'd developed to keep their lives secret. Again, I was the center of attention, and I did notlike all their eyes on me. I studied the perfectly woven cream-colored carpet beneath my feet. "And, I apologize for leaving so soon."

"Bella, sweetheart, the apology was accepted long ago; we thought you understood that by now" Esme said. "You don't owe us an explanation." Her 'us' included the six of them. Not Edward.

Rosalie made that explicit for me. "What you need to do is clarify things for Edward."

Emmett reached towards her. "Rose…" She shook his arm off and glowered at me. Now she was resentful because I wasn't with Edward? What did they want from me?

Jasper's shield lifted and I stood to my feet, tense. I jabbed my finger at Rosalie as I ventured closer to her, unafraid. "What I need," I said through clenched teeth."…Is the reason why you…" I pointed a finger to every one of them. "_All of you_, refused to inform me you stole my future from me and organized it yourselves without asking for my input or any form of my consent, written or otherwise. That's unbelievable. It's wrong! How could you…? I want to know. Just tell me." I stood with my hands in fists, fuming.

A soft, smooth voice, like honey, came from behind me. "She's right. We do." _His_ voice.

I gasped and squeezed my eyes shut, clutching the roots of my hair in my hands.

Even after all this time, after all I'd been through, Edward's voice sped my heart up. I could feel his presence behind me. "She has every right to interrogate us." I cautiously opened my eyes to see him standing a few inches away from me.

Bronze hair. White, marble skin. Golden, topaz eyes; he was well fed. Chiseled face. I had to pace my breathing. Although my body reacted quite differently to Jacob's appearance, six months of not seeing Edward and I still thought he was beautiful. My heart _still _beat for him; I _still_ felt for him. It wasn't near what I once felt for him, or what I was capably of feeling (I didn't think I could love anyone more than I loved Jacob. How my words were once so different in another time, before the day my mind and heart made my final decision for me), but nonetheless, the feeling was there. I would always love him. Time, or Jacob, hadn't made me immune to that. But I could never, _would_ never, fall back into his arms. Our lives were on two different paths now.

There was this distant, tormented look in his eyes. His lips curled. The competition for my affection was over; he knew I wasn't his anymore, and I would never be his again.

"Edward," I breathed shakily.

"Bella." I hadn't heard my name from his lips in so long. "We can talk with each other later. There are more important things right now that you need to know about."

"Need to know what?" I was unable to tear my eyes from his.

"About the Volturi," Alice cut in. I'd already forgotten there were other people in the room.

Shame tugged at my lungs and I looked away from Edward to Alice. How could I, for just one second, let my guard down like that and allow him to bestow upon me the memory of his face so that I found myself reminiscing of what we once were? But, I didn't want to relive that memory, or continue it. Edward Cullen and I would never be an item again.

I finally registered her words. I trembled with fear. "What do they have to do with this?" I glared at each one of them in various states of distress- frowning, thoughtful, the list went on.

"Bella," Edward began. "When we were in Italy…" He began pacing slowly between us. His jaw tightened and I'm sure he was remembering what had brought us there and how we had allalmost lost our lives because of my recklessness and stupidity. "The Volturi wanted you to join them, because, for some reason, you're resistant to their powers, just like you're insusceptible to mine."

"Which is amazing, to say." Carlisle smiled, and the expression was seemingly out of place given the dire circumstances surrounding the Volturi's supposed omnipresence. "Imagine…"

"Carlisle," Edward snarled. "No."

"What?" I glanced between the two of them.

"Carlisle, doctor that he is," Edward gritted his teeth. "…is fascinated with the idea of what that 'ability' could have transformed to if you had decided to become one of us." The inflection of his words wasn't spiteful because I was still human; to Edward, he'd never want me to become a vampire_._ His words were bitter because Carlisle shouldn't have thought such a thing because it was not going to happen.

My choice.

"We were fortunate." Alice stood to her feet, inches from Edward, and faced me. "They gave us an ultimatum: we either change you ourselves at a later date, or they were to do it themselves at that exact moment." Her voice shook with fear. "You canexpose their secret, _our_ secret, and if they find you, and you're human, you're dead. We're all dead."

I processed her words. All of them.

I marched to Carlisle. "You fought with the wolves on our side once before and we won," I snapped.

Carlisle's eyes were vacant. "Barely. And they were inexperienced, new born vampires, lacking tactics we've developed over the years."

I backed away from him. "All and all, vampires and werewolves coexisting in such close proximity is unreal, in your world, due to the hatred between the species. We did unite. We can do it again."

"_We_," Rosalie scoffed. "Bella, you don't stand a chance as a human against them."

"That's not what I meant," I spat at her. She backed away. I addressed each one of them, panning the room. "They are my family. You guys…were. I'm a part of this as much as anyone. It's my fault the Volturi are so interested. If they do pay us a visit, I'll sacrifice myself." I tried to come off of strong, and succeeded, but my insides were wringing painfully. Edward's fists clenched and his face blanched, a sickly pale, not the lustrous alabaster it usually was.

"Even with the wolves," Carlisle began. "We still don't stand a chance against the Volturi. They would kill us before we even noticed they were there, depending on how enraged they are when that time comes…ifit does."

I crossed my arms. "What would give them a reason to…? They don't know a lot of information about the wolves, do they?"

"They will Bella," Jasper said, laughing tersely. "It's just a matter of time."

A light bulb went off in my head. "What about Autumn?"

Carlisle looked absolutely torn, _sad_. He lurched forward. "The last thing I want to do is to involve her. I am terrified of testing her to her limit, Bella. I don't want to send her to her death because I mistakenly thought she was strong enough."

I jerked and pointed a finger at him. "You think she has enough strength."

"I'm not putting her on the front line against the same people who murdered her parents. They're furious with her Bella! They will show no mercy when it comes to her. Do you want to lose her?"

I chewed on my lips, tears pooling in my eyes. "No. I just…The Volturi only want me to be a part of has to be a way to leave Jacob and everyone else out of this. Autumn too."

Esme stepped towards me and reached a hand out to cup my arm. "Carlisle went to see them recently, Bella. They've changed their minds."

"What?" I bounced back almost tripping over the rug. Edward's cold hand gripped my arm before I fell. I gasped at the touch and he immediately let go of me, backing away. I stood stably on my feet. I recovered. It was too familiar. I did not desire his touch anymore, not in the same way as before. "How so? What did they say?"

Carlisle took a stance in the center of the circle, taking his role as a father and a leader to elaborate. "Bella, if they find any evidence of Jacob, Charlie, your friends, your family, anyone dear to you, aside from us, they'll resort to annihilation."

"N-No. You said…"

"I lapsed, Bella." He stared at the floor guiltily. "The perfectly built shield inside of my head shattered and they dug into my mind. Jane was present, if that tells you anything." It did. Jane's power was the ability to torture people. "I let it slip that you were still human." I shivered and my insides convulsed. The room was a blur. Edward caught me again before I hit the floor and pulled me to him, just to support me. His arm encircled my waist. I tried to pull myself from him but my hands were too shaky, too sweaty, and he was too strong, so my grasping at his hands was useless. I gave in.

"When I showed them the vision of you as vampire, "Alice said. "There was a date set in my mind- Just a few weeks after your graduation. But, we kept postponing it and it never happened."

"They were wrathful. There was this demonic gleam in their eyes, something I'd never seen," Carlisle's hands gestured wildly. "They said if they found you like you are now..." He gestured up and down my body.

"But, all of you will fight for me," I said sternly. "Jacob, Autumn, the Pack…I'm one of them now, the closest I can be." Edward let out a sound of disgust. I glared at him. Now was not the time. I turned back to the others. "They won't let anything happen to me."

"Of course not!" Edward sneered. "Jacob would be stubborn enough to fight until there was nothing left." The double meaning behind his words, referring to the way Jacob fought in war and the way he had battled for my heart, was not lost to me.

I'd had enough. "Like you wouldn't." I yanked myself from his grasp. He looked anguished, and he cowered away.

"We could do that," Emmett sniggered. It was not the hearty, full laugh I'd always heard from him. "But, as it's been said, we wouldn't make it out alive. And that means all of us."

I threw my hands up. "What does this have to do with NYU?"

Carlisle's voice was quiet. "I wasn't finished, Bella."

"What else is there to say? Tell me something I don't already know!" My eyes brimmed with tears of frustration as I wrapped my arms securely around my bosom.

"If you're alone when they find you, separate from those that are in the deepest corners of your heart, those dearest to you, they'll take you and only you without a confrontation."

I understood now why they wanted to ship me across the country away from my family. The Volturi were angry with me. Livid. It was only a matter of time before they struck.

My lungs closed and my ears rang. All I could hear was my breathing and the thumping of my heart. I fell to the floor on my knees. The words speared my guts. "I have to leave."

Edward kneeled beside me and brushed my hair to the side as I leaned forward, dry heaving. The floor was swirling within my eyesight. His hands wrapped around my waist and I made sure his bare skin didn't touch my own. I jostled in his arms, again, but the struggle was over. He held me against his chest.

"H-How do I leave without anyone following me?" I whispered into his shirt

"Edward." I peeked through my curtain of hair and through Edward's arms to see Carlisle in a stance I'd never seen- stiff, lips thin, eyes dull. "I think you and her should discuss this alone."

I arched an eyebrow, confused.

"Carlisle," Edward hissed. "We went over this earlier. She won't agree." I peered up at him. His teeth were grinding loudly against each other.

"It's the only way."

"She will," Alice whispered and gently placed a hand on Edward's shoulder.

What would I agree to?

Edward tenderly hoisted me to my feet. He positioned a hand on my back and spun me around.

"Where are we going?" I whispered hoarsely.

"To talk." He led me upstairs. I veered around to discover the living room was empty. I darted my eyes to Edward as we reached the landing of the third floor.

"Where are they?"

"Gone...for now." His smile was weak. "They're giving us some time alone."

"Are you going to change me?" I panicked and tried to escape, a failed effort because he grabbed me, and within the blink of an eye we were in his room.

He dropped his hands firmly on my shoulders. "That is the last resort. And I would never…" He turned away, distraught.

"I know you wouldn't." After a moment of silence, I said the words I'd been meaning to say for months. "Edward, I'm so sorry."

He stared at me. "For what, exactly? There's nothing to apologize for."

I approached him cautiously until we were mere inches apart. "Yes, there is." I stared into his eyes. "I left you on our wedding day." My eyebrows furrowed and I began pacing, stroking my arms with my hands, freezing and nervous. "I should've called." I couldn't look at him, but I could feel his eyes boring into the back of me head as he watched my movements. "I was afraid of how you would react. I thought you'd hate me."

"Bella, I could never hate you." I swiftly shifted back towards him. "But, why did you…? Why was it so…late and sudden?"

"I don't know," I groaned. "Something Rosalie said about sacrificing my life without really comprehending everything I was giving up. We were so young Edward." I took his hand in my own. Might as well. We may have not been in a relationship anymore, but I felt the need to console him. "I was naïve, 18 years old, _my mother_. All I needed was to be pregnant!" We laughed quietly at my joke. I remembered his laugh, warm, like bells, enchanting. The laughter subsided and the atmosphere was serious again, as if a sudden thought came to our minds that I may have been pregnant within days after the marriage. _Scary thought_. "And, I was still in love with him, you know." He squeezed my hand before releasing it. "He makes me so happy…" I beamed. Edward's eyes brightened. Was he truly elated because I was happy? "And so warm." Edward flinched. "I didn't mean physically. I meant he makes me feel warm, inside." I gestured to my heart. "And everything is so easy between us, like there was no strife, no awkwardness to get to where we are. He's my best friend. A great deal more than that now." Another silence passed pleasantly between us.

"Do you think…?" He tucked his hands in his jean pockets. "Do you think if we had taken the time to be friends that we'd still be together?"

"No," I said, doubtlessly. "How could we have been just friends? We were in love, so much, _too much_…like an all consuming life force. It was too dramatic." I lowered my voice as I pulled my sweater sleeves down. "If we'd stayed friends-done this differently…say you never stopped the van."

He grimaced. "Bella."

"Putting all thoughts aside that I'd be paralyzed!" I said quickly, laughing slightly. "I wouldn't have been so obsessed and neither would you. You'd avoid me, and that would be the end of it." I ambled closer to him and met his eyes. "But, then again, meeting you, falling in love with you, and you leaving me…" My voice cracked. The hole in my heart when he left wasn't something to be forgotten so easily. "I wouldn't have found Jacob, or grown close to him." I smiled again. "And we'd never be together, or maybe we would have, I don't know. But, I'd rather not go back in the past to determine if that would be true. Right now is where I want to be, with him, my friends, and my father."

He pointed towards my ring. "Apparently, he's claimed you in more ways than one." His voice was friendly, but the animosity seeped through in the end.

"What I do with Jacob is none of your business," I growled. "He's enabled me to have experiences I longed to share with you, even though you wouldn't give them to me."

"I know. But I couldn't risk hurting you. I wish I was able to."

"But, I'm thankful it was him. It wasn't strange like it should have been. He and I were meant to fit that way. I was meant to be with him in every way possible. You must have thought the same because you sent him to find me, rather than following me yourself."

"He told you."

"Of course. But why did you do that?" I studied him and our gazes locked again.

"It was his thoughts, _his mind_, Bella, what he went through." His eyes looked removed, like his mind was somewhere else. "He was exhausted, almost deranged, and depressed over what you were to become. That was the main reason." He cleared his throat and continued. "I heard he was back. Sam wasn't exactly thrilled with the circumstances." He snorted. "He called Carlisle and ordered me to converse with Jacob. They knew you were alive, thanks to Seth and Sam attending the wedding, but Jacob didn't believe anything. So, I arranged to meet him at the border, not expecting him to show." He shrugged and his hands stretched out in front of him. "But he did." He shook his head and rolled his eyes. "His exact words were '_Leech, where the fuck is she? This better not be a load of bullshit_.'" I giggled. Hearing Edward cuss was amusing. "So, I explained to him that you left before you even walked down the aisle." His averted his eyes from mine briefly, overcome with grief. I'd done this to him. Maybe I already was a monster. "I informed him that we received a call from Autumn, revealing to us that you were staying with her."

"He knew Autumn then, didn't he? She was with Embry by then."

"Yes, he knew her. I'm sure he didn't expect you did though." He smiled. It was that damned crooked smile. I wanted to stab a needle through my stomach because it fluttered. "That's when it happened." He glanced at me, sorrow in his eyes, empathetic pain. "He'd been singing an old Quileute hymn in his head to block me. Then the barrier crumbled after he said he didn't believe me. I saw everything Bella." He approached me. I kept my eyes to the floor. "There were visions of you and me _together_." My cheeks tinted pink, faintly. "And you as a vampire, the bloodlust in your eyes. It killed me," he choked. "Because it was what I never wanted to see. But it wasn't over." My eyes snapped to his. "I felt his pain over your supposed death, everything he lost, and everything that could have been if you hadn't chosen me. Children, sun, breathing, friendship, and effortless love. And then I saw what he did, running around rabid in Canada, controlling his temper and his tears. Barely eating. The girls. The isolation, the loneliness, the need for touch and affection." He grimaced, as did I. "The last image was one of you, smiling with him. A realsmile, one I'd never seen you wear. That was when I realized I'd been foolish thinking you belonged with me." His voice was filled with regret.

"It all happened, all those picture, movies, within a second. He looked up to say something to me and saw me staring at him, feeling sorry for him, heartbroken _for him_. He'd never want my condolences. The anger flashed in his eyes and before I could even register what was happening, he punched me in the face, hard. He screamed '_Stay out of my head! It's none of your fucking business_!' He wasn't infuriated anymore; he'd stopped shaking. He was miserable. So, I acted fast, before he could strike again. I handed him the sheet of paper, told him that you should be with him, and gave him a chance to see you, in the flesh, still _you_. Bella, the human…" He touched my cheek with the fingers of one of his hands. I leaned into the embrace, losing my thoughts, granting him another opportunity to feel the blood in my cheeks. I leisurely extracted his hand, my eyes filling with tears. "Edward, we can't."

Rejection flashed through his liquid gold eyes. "I know. But I still remember and I will for as long as I live."

"Edward." I was upset. I backed away and my hands flitted through my hair. "You have to know that I do still love you, but he's…" I looked at him. "He's a part of my everything now, as well as my parents, my friends, and the pack. This is still the life I've chosen. I c-can't." I laughed uneasily. "You will move on. You've got plenty of time and I'd love for that to happen." I grinned. "I want you to be as blissful and as cheerful with someone else as I am with Jacob." My lips thinned. "But, that girl is not going to be me."

Envy slipped from his tongue. "If it because he can give you what I can't?"

"I knew this was going to turn into something about sex!"

He crossed and uncrossed his arms. Another well-practiced human habit. "It's not like he did a good job hiding what he could do to you, all of his fantasies. I'm sure he's acted out plenty of them by now. "

"Edward!" I squeezed my eyes shut, calming myself. "Can we please not talk about this? Yes, okay, I enjoy having sex with Jacob. But this is not all about sex! I explained that to you earlier! God damn it!" I cupped my mouth and rubbed my temples, agitated that the discussion had taken this route.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "It's like that night in the tent before the battle with Victoria. Its innate jealousy that I felt because he can be close to you, love you, in ways that I wasn't capable of."

"You weren't incapable, Edward." I gritted my teeth. "You were unwilling to try." I stomped my feet. "Why are we still having this conversation?"

He laughed brusquely.

I sagged against the bed. "What's my choice with the Volturi?" He sat down next to me, a fair gap between us. I tentatively glanced at him, fright marring my features. I chewed on my nails and inhaled deeply. I could feel sweat forming on my brow. "Look, I feel like you and the others aren't telling me something, something more that what's already been said. But, if you don't want to tell me everything, that's fine. Just don't lie to me." I scowled.

He gazed into my eyes. "Like Carlisle said, they've made the decision to hurt those close to you if they find you human."

I trembled as fear scraped against the exterior of my heart and mind. "No, I think I missed that," I gasped.

He looked at his hands. "They want it to be painful for you. Tear apart everything you love as revenge for your _treachery_. They'd make you watch it all. They can be outright animals if they choose to be."

"That still…" I twiddled with my fingers, annoyed. "That doesn't explain what I have to do."

Our eyes linked. "Bella, if they see anything around you, smell anything that'll lead them to who you've been around the most and in what ways…" He kneaded his legs as if controlling his rage.

Of course they'd know who I was sleeping with. Jake's scent would be all over me.

"Pictures are other examples. Your body language, your expressions give away those you care deeply about. They'd even go as far as to torture someone to see how intense your reaction would be."

A flash of Jane tormenting Edward and me screaming helplessly clouded my thoughts. "I know."

"Marcus can sense relationships."

"He'll know who I feel strongest for." I breathed. "Jacob would be first."

Edward nodded. "If you isolate yourself, go somewhere far away, alone, and I'd rather that not happen, even though it's not going to be my decision, they wouldn't prod any deeper. They'd turn you and keep you for themselves, or murder you, if you're lucky. They aren't willing to negotiate again," he growled, sullen.

"Does that mean I can't make new friends?"

"Not necessarily. You just can't let anyone get too close."

"Self-sacrifice," I whispered. The tears fell.

"I'm not saying you have to."

"No," I stated, resolutely. "It's at my discretion, right? I'll take the scholarship. That's what Alice foresaw, am I correct? I'll…" My voice wavered. "I'll extinguish any contact I have with others, limit my visits to once a year…" I couldn't finish. I didn't even realize my chest had constricted until it was a burden to breathe. "I have to break up with Jacob," I cried. Edward instantly wrapped an arm around me. I buried my head under his neck, clutching his collar frantically. How could he be so considerate and permit me to cry over a man I loved that wasn't him? "I have to leave him to save him." I stared blankly at the wall beside us. I leaned away, my eyes devoid of emotion. "He won't let me," I blubbered. "He won't care if they're coming. He'll tell Sam, everyone, you, your family and we'd all die. It wouldn't even be a fair fight, like your family tried to tell me earlier. But he wouldn't give a shit. He loves me too much to approve of me abandoning my family without him. The others will accept my absence, h-he won't."

Edward's frozen fingers drew circles on my back. "You're going to have to convince him, to find a reason for him to stay in La Push and not go with you, if that's what you want." He sucked in his lower lip, pensive.

"Of course not!" I shrieked. "But, I really don't have a choice. His life, your life, my father's life, my mother's, my friends…over mine?" I stood up and paced furiously. "No! It's not going to happen! I'll find a way. There has to be a way." By now, I was rambling incoherently. "There is a way. My life versus there's? There's no other option. It's mine."

Edward was suddenly by my side. "Bella…no."

"Yes." I snarled. "Now, what do I have to do? Obviously, by the exchange your family had with you earlier, you already know."

He paused for a moment. "What is the one thing that would make Jacob suspect you didn't love him anymore?"

"Don't love him anymore? Are you out of your fucking mind! Never. There isn't anything I could say or do that would convince him I'd somehow gotten over him and didn't want him as much as I always will…" I couldn't speak anymore. My mind reeled.

"What's his one weakness, Bella?" His voice cracked. "It's _you_. What is the one thing you could say that he would think signals the end of his relationship and yours?"

I shook my head. "No," my voice was inaudible. "No!" He went to comfort me but I recoiled. I was wild-eyed, and crushed. "There is no way in hell I will ever do that to him. I will not pretend I've chosen you over him again. It'll devastate him," I whispered, my voice shaking.

"Jacob is strong, Bella. He has kin, comrades that will be by his side no matter the circumstances. He's young." I shook my head vigorously. "He's not you." I froze. "When I left you, you were alone, or so you thought. He isn't."

"You want me to make him believe I'm still in love with you?" I was livid.

"Bella, you know it's the only way. Alice says the verdict is closer to becoming a reality. You don't know anything, Bella. You aren't aware of what they're able to do. When you saw them for the first time that was nothing compared to what could have happened."

"I can't." My eyes were misty with unshed tears. "It's difficult for me to lie, especially to him."

"If he means as much to you as you say he does, it will come instinctively."

Edward had made me believe he didn't love me before he vanished, to save me. And bring me to Jacob.

"I'll do it. By myself." I glared at him. "Just…h-how?"

He reached into his pocket and retrieved an old-fashioned box. "It'll come to you." He handed the container to me. "You see now, what Carlisle meant. It _is_ the only option."

I didn't need to open the package to know what it was, and now it was heavy weight in my palm. "No," I choked, horrified. "I can't do this to him!"

"Find the will. I'm saving him and your family, Bella." He clamped my fingers around the box. "Now can't you just thank me and get this over with," he spat and I glowered at him. His features softened. "The faster you do this, the easier it will be. But, this is your decision and I'm not going to tell you otherwise."

"I trust you. I'm relying on you and your family that this will work, that this is the right precaution to take." I was numb. The tears stained my cheeks; I didn't notice.

"The white car on the lawn is yours." I began to retort but he held his hand up to silence me. "We're leaving as soon as possible."

"Why are you coming with me?"

"We're making sure you get settled in. We've decided to move to New York State, but several miles away from you, obviously outside of the city. You don't have to keep in touch if you don't want to."

"How soon?"

"Preferably tomorrow evening."

The words reverberated through my mind, hammering into the hole in my heart- the new hole- the wider, blacker, more painful hole than before. They would never forgive me. I'd lost my chance to become part of the family. But, if they died to protect me, if Jacob died, and the Volturi gave me the 'easy way out' and turned me instead, I couldn't live with it. They had their own lives. My life was just one in the whole scheme of things. This whole affair was my mistake, and only I should pay the price. I tucked the box into my back pocket. I couldn't say another word. I was going to tear apart Jacob's heart _again_.

And it would all be a bunch of lies. Terrible lies that he'd have to endure and I'd have to tell, believingly, so he wouldn't follow me. I didn't have the strength to do this, but I would find it. And I wouldn't disintegrate or shut myself off as much as the despair would be indescribable. His face. Jacob's face, contorted because of a broken heart.

I'd live. Until they came after me. And then I'd die, or become a _slave_, knowing my family was safe.

Selfless.

_How come you just want to hurt me?_

_How come you just want to push me?_

_I can't ignore you anymore_

_Cause everywhere I turn you_

_You burn me, you break me_

_You always want to take me down with you_

_What do you want from me?_

* * *

I didn't speak to Autumn in the car the entire ride home. I glanced in the mirror. My face was ashen, my cheeks were red from weeping, and my eyes were lifeless. I was shivering. She didn't force any type of conversation either.

Carlisle had spoken with her in a hushed tone I couldn't hear. Her face, expression defeated and downcast, assured me she knew what was happening. And she had to swear to not tell anyone. My demands. I couldn't ruin my cover.

We sped into my driveway. The rain pounded violently against the car and the thunder and lightning could be heard nearby. The skies were obscured with storm clouds. It was so dark it could have been nightfall.

I exhaled. I was unaware I'd been holding my breath.

Autumn grasped my hand and I looked at her, my eyes brimming with tears. "Bella, no matter what happens…if they don't want to attack and this whole thing, what you're doing, is a waste of time…if everyone turns against you because of your dishonesty, I won't. I know why you're doing this. It's exceedingly brave. I'll be your confidant. Even if your thousands of miles away, you still have me." She pulled me to her chest. "Thank you," my voice was scratchy. She gave me a final squeeze and I gripped her sides tightly before she released me. I jumped out of the car, closed the door, and let the rain pour down on me, chilling me to the bone.

My sun was almost gone.

* * *

_I only know that I am_

_Better where you are_

My heart was firmly battling over my decision. On one side, I didn't want to hurt Jacob most of all, the Volturi be damned. My selfish side.

The other side, the one that loved him deeply and cherished every moment spent with him, my friends and my family told me to get the hell out of Forks. And that I would. If I stayed for Christmas, I'd never go through with my plans.

I laid in my bed, in a thin t shirt and pants, staring at the ceiling, mulling over everything. Reminiscing, trying to figure out what to say. It was nearly two in the morning, hours away from hell_._ The rain pelted against my window and the roof, sideways. The wind whipped through the trees, creating an eerie, bone-rattling sound.

I didn't deliberate any longer. I grabbed the house phone beside my bed and dialed a number I knew by heart. I wanted to be selfish, one more time. Just one more night. It was cruel, but I needed to remember his touch before I had to feign that the past few months meant nothing to me. I began to cry, again. I was a heartless _bitch_, but I needed him.

The ringing ended just before the final chime and his voice came into earshot, groggy. "Hello?"

"Jacob," I sobbed.

"Bella? Honey, what's going on?" His voice was filled with uncertainty. I could hear him shuffling around. "Did something happen? Did he do something?" He roared.

My breath hitched in my throat. "I need you."

A pause. "I'll be there in two minutes." He hung up. I clutched my pillow and bit back a scream.

This was going to make it worse, much more difficult for me to…end this. But, my body, mind, and soul yearned for Jacob's touch once more.

I unlocked the window, opened it, flinching as the cold rain sprinkled against my skin. I removed my clothes, stripped completely. Jake's ring was the only thing I kept on. Why was I doing this?

I crawled into my bed, beneath my covers, limp. Jake had been preoccupied the past couple of evenings and he hadn't been able to see me again, today, since this morning. He usually came over every night. I didn't know what was going on. And a part of me was thankful I hadn't been able to spend as much time with him.

I watched the clock as the seconds ticked by. Exactly two minutes had passed and, as Jacob had promised, I heard the soft sound of paws against the earth before the noise disappeared and a thud was heard against the side of the house. He had phased mid air. The noise was so low; it could've been mistaken for anything because of the storm outside. Jake swung into my window, naked and soaked.

My body reacted instantly as the familiar heat of lust conquered me, coursing through my veins, warming me inside out. I sighed. He smiled warmly, although the grin didn't reach his eyes. "Hey."

The sound of his voice sent a thrill through me, soothing me completely. I smiled weakly. He closed the window, and even checked to be sure my door was closed before slipping beneath the sheets. I impatiently grabbed his head to yank him into a passionate kiss, scissoring his ears with my fingers. His body pressed against mine. I skimmed my fingers through his wet locks as his hands glided across my bare back. I paused as I kissed along his cheek. I caressed the dark circles under his eyes. "Jacob," I breathed, concerned. "You look exhausted and…" I inhaled sharply, noticing a gash across his eyebrow and the side of his face. "What happened?" I gazed into his eyes, reading them as I sat up. I gingerly stroked his face and traced the scar. His hands never loosened around waist. "Are you okay?" I was antsy. Why was he hurt?

"I'm fine, Bella. You should see the other guys." He smirked. His hands massaged the length of my sides, leaving a trail of fire, not ice. Heat was what made me serene. The skin of his palms was rougher than usual. "I got into a fight with Paul and Jared. A real fight."

"Why?" I kissed the scratch, cupping his face. His eyes fluttered shut and he sighed, content. My hands were so tiny…

"Sam's going to quit phasing to raise the kids with Emily." I halted my movements and gazed into his deep brown eyes, mesmerized. "He's making me Alpha."

I pulled him closer so he was between my legs. He was still damp and a tremor swept through my body at the contact of his stomach grazing against my hip bone. "B-but…You didn't want that." My nipples hardened from the chill and brushed against his chest as I twitched.

"It was a vote," he snarled. His eyes darted to my breasts before reverting back to mine quickly. His cheeks reddened. "When Leah, Embry, Quil, Seth, and Julius arranged their own search party to track me, that was the first sign, or the first step in the ladder. They went against his orders. So, I'm going to become Alpha. They took my side, and the others stuck to Sam's."

"Jared and Paul…one of them should've been next in line! His Beta should be!" I whispered harshly, forgetting my own problems and worried about his.

"Sam's been training us since I got back. It's been more stringent the past few nights. That's why I'm so tired," he rasped. "But, I fought against them and won. It wasn't intentional. I lost myself in the wolf. It was brutal. I've got Alpha blood in me, remember? It's my birth right."

"Does this mean you can't come with me to New York when I decide to go, _if_ I do?" Was this it; was this the light at the end of the tunnel? The prospect of not breaking his heart would result from this and for that I was thankful.

Or, I was, until he continued. "Are you kidding me?" He snorted. "Hell no. I'm making Leah my Beta; she can take over. If she doesn't want to, Embry agreed he would."

I ducked my head against his scorching chest to hide my crestfallen face, stroking his arms and his sides, and feebly kissing the skin a few times before I found my voice again. "I shouldn't have woken you up," I mouthed against his skin. "You should have stayed at your house and slept." I glanced up at him.

"Bella, come on. You think I'm going to deny my girlfriend when she wants to see me?" He brought his hand to my chin, kissing it gently. "You smell like them, still."

I stiffened. I attempted to make light of the situation. "I scrubbed, hard." He sniffed my hair and nuzzled the side of my face. "I can get past it. Besides, you smell like me more than anything," he laughed, tickling my flesh. I turned into his neck and nestled my nose against his jaw as I draped my arms over his shoulders.

"Bella, something's wrong." He looked into my eyes, bumping our foreheads together. "You've been absent minded since last night. Scared, almost." He stroked my cheeks with his fingers. I loved the way I felt when he touched me; Peaceful.

"I will tell you." My lips quivered. "Not now, please." I trailed kisses along his neck and shoulders, sucking the flesh in between my lips, darting my tongue out against his skin. He smelled wonderful; it was a distinct _Jacob_ fragrance that acted as a sort of drug when I inhaled it. Woodsy, fresh, wet from the rain, and his bath soap, mixed together. He moaned quietly against my face. My hands drifted across his cheek and through his hair. I slowly kissed his mouth. I dragged his bottom lip in first, nipping slightly, then the top, all while grinding my hips against his, feeling him harden between my thighs. I responded to each groan and sigh of pleasure. I gazed at him, heavy lidded. "Make love to me," I said against his lips. "Slowly. Take your time. Show me how much you love me," I insisted, desperate.

He nodded his head before diving in for another kiss and pinning me beneath him. The covers bunched up around us. He tentatively placed open-mouthed kisses all over my face, my ears, and my jaw, the column of my neck, down the valley between my breasts. His scalding, large, magnificent hands groped them and brought them to his mouth. He kissed my shoulders, along my arms, paying special attention to my fingers as he sucked each into his mouth and kissed the tips. All along his hand followed the path, massaging the skin of my arms. I watched in awe. I was so small, so fragile compared to him, and having both of his tanned hands around my ivory-colored arms in my line of sight was a memory I'd always treasure. I threaded my fingers through his hair as he kissed along my stomach and back up again, rolling my nipples between his fingers, his mouth working as a suction as he tugged at them with his teeth. He blotted kisses along my inner thighs and I arched upwards, moaning, as the heat rushed to my center. His mouth descended upon my legs and they bent automatically as his mouth journeyed to my toes. He kissed the underside of my ankle, my calf, my knee, repeating the same motions on the other leg.

"Jacob," I gasped and scrunched the sheets between my hands as my head titled back, my mouth wide. In an instant he was level with my face and I kissed him feverishly, rubbing against him. My fingers flowed along his back, his chest, memorizing every dent, massaging the skin of his abs, relishing the hard muscle beneath my fingertips back up to his shoulders and neck. I sucked the skin of his collarbone. He was more than ready between my thighs. I outlined the prominent V of his waist and reached for him.

He blocked my hands. "Roll over," he grunted into my ear before I attacked his jaw and returned to his lips, snaring them with my teeth. "I wasn't done touching you," he gasped.

_**(A sex scene was here, but because of fanfiction's guidelines you will have to go to my BlogSpot OR my group for this story on JacobBlack-n-Pack linked in my profile to read the scene. JacobBlack-n-Pack has full chapters and BlogSpot will just have the scenes. I hear they're taking down the more graphic stories here, so to be safe, the scene is there. I know it's annoying, but I'd rather not have this story deleted)**_

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"Bella." Jacob's voice was ragged as he patted my cheeks, his hands frigid, like he'd submerged them in a bucket of ice water. My eyes slowly focused on him. "Did you seriously just black out?" He searched my face for confirmation.

I was still woozy; intoxicated. "Did I?" He kissed my forehead as my heart's thumping eased and I steadied my breathing. My chest was heaving.

"I'm that good?" His eyes widened, stunned. I smiled in response. "Whoa," he said, pleased with himself, and giggled. "Wait until they hear that one."

"You wouldn't?" I tried to protest, but my body wouldn't move.

"I can try," he smirked. Jacob Black was definitely on another ego trip. He was positively beaming.

The reality of what I'd just done struck me again and my smile vanished. His grin followed suit. I rolled onto my side, my back to him. He caressed my back with his hand and fingers. He kissed my neck. "I love you, always," he whispered into my ear.

I couldn't say it back. It would be too much. I had already gone too far, taken things to the extreme, prolonging breaking the faux news to him. My thoughts were already battling over the topic of breaking his heart, something I'd have to do in a few hours. I swallowed and closed my eyes.

_Way to hit below the belt, Bella_. Jacob's body became rigid and I heard him take a sharp intake of breath, before he crept out of the bed without a word. My lashes coated with tears. That was the ultimate no-no; I always told Jake I loved him. I hadn't said those words since this morning. To not say them after we'd made love was just like using him, his body, for my own sexual desire. This is what I had to pretend this night was all about. Tomorrow.

The window slammed shut and he was gone. _Bella, what have you done_?

I dressed in a t-shirt and underwear, still sticky with sweat. I reclined on my bed, taking in his scent, trying my hardest to not break down and cry in case he was still close. I welcomed unconsciousness, an escape from reality. This was only the beginning.

* * *

_**Bella's nightmare/**_

The familiar hallway was lit only by torches. It was dark, dreary, haunting. The Volturi's lair.

I walked through the doors towering overhead to see them seated on their thrones: Aro, Marcus, and Caius. The Guard, Jane, and Alec were hovering around a screaming figure. A sadistic smile was on Jane's face.

It was Edward. Exactly like in Italy. I opened my mouth to bellow, to demand her to stop, but no sound was heard.

Edward's body transformed and suddenly Charlie was there, writhing in agony on the floor. I ran forward, jostling through the crowd, only for the scene before me to retreat further away. Charlie's face and body contorted.

Renee. Autumn. Rachel. Billy. Sam. Emily. Leah. Embry. Everyone else dear to me. Thrown around the room, against the walls, smashed into the floor.

There was blood everywhere.

I was helpless. I couldn't fight; I couldn't get closer.

Suddenly, the invisible wall holding me back breached and I was able to race forward. Aro saw me. He mouthed the words, "This was your choice." I was almost close enough to touch the figure; it was Brooke now.

The body changed, one more time. It was Jacob. Suffering. The tears spilled. I tried to yell again, but it was no use. He twitched one more time. One last sigh escaped his lips, and then he stopped moving.

I let out an ear shattering scream. "No, no, no!" No one paid me any attention.

_**/end nightmare**_

I jolted awake in my bed, tangled in my sheets, screaming. I buried my head in my pillow. My body was in a spasmodic fit, convulsing.

Then I cried. I sobbed, uncontrollably, squeezing the pillow to my face. I brought my knees to my chest, shaking.

Charlie dashed into room and wrapped his arms around me, to shelter me, as I wept into his chest.

That was all I needed to put me on the right track, to put things in perspective. A nightmare. I knew what I had to do. There wasn't another option, like Edward had said. I couldn't put them in danger, not again. I had to go through with this.

And I would be successful with my lies.

_I don't wanna be afraid, I don't wanna run away_

_I don't want to be here fading; it's more than I can take_

_Just let go! Let go! Let go!_

* * *

(A/N: If you paid attention to this chapter and the ones before, the reasons behind Bella's actions are going to be selfless, _for once_. The love scene in this chapter kind of broke my heart because I know what's coming…I still hope I did a good job on it. The first set of lyrics is Edward/Bella, the second and fourth set is about Bella having to leave, and the third set if Jacob/Bella)


	16. Goodbye

Disclaimer: Shit you recognize belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Lyrics: Goodbye My Lover- James Blunt and I Don't Believe You- Pink.

(A/N: Thanks for the reviews, alerts, and faves! I really appreciate it! This chapter…broke my heart, but you must have faith everything will turn out right before the end of this story!)

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**Chapter 14: Goodbye**

_Did I disappoint you or let you down?_

_Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?_

_Because I saw the end before we'd begun._

_You touched my heart, you touched my soul._

_You changed my life and all my goals._

_I've kissed your lips and held you hand._

_Shared your dreams and shared your bed._

_I know you well, I know your smell._

_I've been addicted to you._

_Christmas Eve_

_(Bella's POV)_

To say I slept even an hour last night would be an exaggeration. But, I couldn't worry Charlie. I wondered what I looked like to him. Did I resemble the zombie I was when Edward left, or was I a mirror of someone who honestly hadn't slept a wink last night? Because it was true; it felt like I'd only had my eyes shut for a few minutes, teetering on the precipice between resting and unconsciousness, when I'd had the nightmare. I didn't attempt to sleep after that. Charlie had been terrified and he'd been attentive since I 'woke up' around 7 this morning.

The afternoon was coming to an end, almost sunset. It was pouring rain, and the skies were such an unpromising view overhead that I anticipated a brutal snow storm. Washington was all about the rain though, and despite the lack of snow, it was freezing, and I knew the rain would only fall harder. How could such lovely weather take such an extreme turn?

It was because today would be the worst day of my meager existence. God was smiting me for what I was about to do, putting me down in his books as a cruel, lying cunt.

Not that God would use such terms. But, that's how a felt, and that's what I was.

I'd have to break Jake's heart for the hundredth time, it felt like. There would be no turning back. I'd lounged in my bed, all day, staring blankly at my wall, trying to figure out what I could say that would hurt him the least, which was completely irrational, because anything I'd say would tear him apart. How could I lie to his face and somehow say, in the least harmful way possible, 'Jacob, I'm getting back together with Edward.'

I'd forcefully thrown my pillow across the room at the thought of saying such things and how it'd affect his beautiful face that never did anything but smile lately. The pillow sent my lamp toppling off my desk and it smashed into the wall. The tears fell. I clutched my chest and rocked back and forth, whimpering.

A similar position as a result of a different situation involving another man.

I was losing all faith that I could pull this off.

The sun wasn't even visible as I stepped outside to speak with Charlie. He was packing the gifts we were to bring to the Black's tonight into his cruiser.

The gifts and time I wouldn't get to share with my family.

The rain eased to a drizzle and I trudged through the layers of puddles and slick terrain, not really paying much attention to anything.

Charlie heard me and slammed the door shut. He rested his palms against the roof, bending the metal slightly as it clanked in response. "You know, Bells, it would've been a lot easier to take your truck." He turned to greet me, but his smile faded as soon as he saw my face.

I caught my reflection in the window. My face was sallow and blotchy, and dark circles were under my red rimmed eyes. My hair was knotted; I'd run a brush through it once and it lay limply across my shoulders. My plain jeans, boots, and dark brown jacket over white long sleeves, did nothing to my appearance. I hadn't eaten a thing since the night before last. I looked frail, thinner than usual. It was awful.

"Bella," Charlie leaned up, concerned. "What the hell is going on?" He was angry and crossed his arms. "Ever since your visit with the Cullen's, you've been off. And the nightmare, last night?" I avoided his gaze and ducked my head to hide a stray tear, and focused on a path of gravel nearby, watching as the rain trickled through the earth. "You didn't eat anything this morning and…Christ, Bella, I don't want to go through this again."

It was time to test my poker face. I sniffled and straightened my shoulders, smiling at my father. It was a fake smile that everyone except one, maybe two or three people, would believe. "I'm fine, dad. Just stressed, you know?" He brought his lower lip into his mouth and sighed heavily as he pressed against his car. "I'm…Dad," I attempted to sound cheerful. "I've changed my mind." He jerked his head towards me. "I'm taking the scholarship for New York University."

He squinted and furrowed his eyebrows, contemplating. "Why?" He shrugged, perplexed.

The trial began, and I initiated my first lie concerning why I was going to attend school at NYU.

I started to pace. "It's a great opportunity." _An opportunity to be essentially alone_. "And it'd be unwise to not accept it and toss it aside." _No, it was foolish to even be going through with this; a preposterous idea to drop Jacob again_. "It'll save us a lot of money." _It'll save us everything, since the Cullen's are paying for it_. I repressed an angry shudder. "And I'll receive a chance to expand my horizons, and experience new things." _Without the people I want most on my life_. "Like you said, University," I held up one hand as a weight and held the other the same way as I continued, "versus Community college." My 'community college' hand dropped and the other rose. "Who knows how many jobs I can find?" I snickered; it was forced.

Charlie titled his chin upwards. "Are you sure?" I nodded, quickly, lest my thoughts betrayed me. "Okay. So you leave, after New Years, right? I'd glad you decided this. There's too much out there for you." _All I want is right here, dad. _He grinned and gave me a hug. My arms couldn't even lift off my sides. He slammed the hood of the car. "Come on. Let's go! I'm sure they'd love it if we weren't late for the family dinner Billy so expertly concocted, with help from his children of course. Give him the credit though. He wants to make things right for his future daughter-in-law." Charlie winked.

The words daughter-in-law stung. I fought the onslaught of tears as the image of Charlie, laughing and talking with Jacob, Billy, Rachel, and Rebecca came to mind. Domestic scenes: Jake holding my hands; Billy and Charlie joking with each other; Rachel and Rebecca keeping the conversation flowing smoothly; Jake and I cuddled on the couch watching Billy and Charlie fight over a new gift.

Like a wisp of air, the scene vanished, and the reality of me not participating in this holiday with them this year, if ever, made its presence known. I needed more time, but I couldn't have it. I had to leave. If I stayed tonight I'd just say 'To hell with it,' and sentence my family to death. I couldn't do that.

"Dad." I stumbled toward him. He was about to sit in the car. "How about you go on ahead? I'll come by later. I need to start packing."

"Packing? Two weeks early? You don't have too many things, Bella, but I guess." He shrugged. "Compose yourself for your first family dinner?" His grin was contagious. He was so happy.

_No Charlie, I have to prepare myself for a break up with my boyfriend, and neither you nor anyone else can ever know the real reason why it happened_. "Yeah." I squeezed my eyes shut and bit back a cry. I recovered promptly.

"Why don't you put on some make-up while you're at it, Bells?" He gestured towards my face. "You look like the undead." Oh thanks, Charlie. How ironic.

He mistook my expression as me perceiving his words as an insult, and immediately sought to apologize to me. "Not that Jake or anyone minds. You… you don't glow anymore, Bells. Are you sure you're not sick?" God, he was distressed.

I had to tell him or I wouldn't. Besides, I promised him I would never flee to another state again without informing him. "Dad," my voice wavered. I took a deep breath, giving the impression of 'No, I'm not about to crumble to pieces.' "I'm leaving tomorrow, after we have Christmas at the Swan residence."

His eyes widened and he slumped in his seat. "What?"

I steadied my breathing before I approached him again and leaned against the car door. "I don't really have a choice dad." One of the only truths I'd told. My voice got firmer as I pleaded with him, "I'm an adult, and space is running out." _No, I just have to leave before the Volturi strike because Marcus will know how much I care about you, and mom and Jacob…_ "They changed their minds and said I should come as soon as possible."

"That doesn't make any sense." He was irritated.

I tried to reason with him. "Please dad, believe me." I gripped the door, begging him with my eyes.

"It's too soon." Oh no, not the_ '_My daughter's going away to college'moment every loving father has_._ I would definitely break down if Charlie cried. I pulled the door open entirely, and hugged him tightly before seizing his shoulders. I stared into his eyes. "Charlie, I have to go. But, I'm not missing Christmas." My voice cracked, but I covered it with a small laugh.

"I was just getting used to living with you again, Bells." After a moment of deliberation, he nodded. "Okay. It is your future. And you're right, you aren't my little girl anymore, in more ways than one." He coughed, embarrassed. I blushed, well aware he was referring to my active sex life with Jacob.

Jacob.

I swiftly moved away from the car. "I'll take the truck, dad, and I'll be there soon. Just give me a few minutes."

"You are telling Jacob, right? I'm not doing it for you. I highly doubt he won't be happy for you."

I exhaled a puff of air. "Yes dad, I will." But in different words.

"That kid is tenacious." Charlie laughed and shook his head. "He's not going to let you go that easily. But, I think you two could try the long distance thing."

I can't even have that, dad. "He is. I'll find a way."

He smirked. "Be sure to wear that ring. I'm assuming you'll probably take a quick shower. Don't forget it."

I glanced at my finger. Jake's ring was still in place. I hadn't removed it since he'd given it to me. I shot Charlie a heartening look before he closed the door, waved, and backed out of the driveway. As soon as he was out of eye sight, I began to hyperventilate. I stumbled back inside and climbed the stairs, pausing at the landing to crouch and alleviate my breathing. My eyes blurred with tears. I threw the suitcase behind my bedroom door on top off my bed. I yanked open each drawer and shoved clothes into the bag.

We were leaving tonight. _Tonight_. Just as soon as I…

"God," I gasped loudly as my insides clenched. I collapsed on my bed and brought my head between my knees, struggling to remain calm. I couldn't even think of what I was about to do to Jacob. My heartbeat was berserk, off the charts. I stood to my feet and tugged my jacket off, sweating. I grasped my hair and strived to remain still as the floor swirled beneath me. I reached for the bottled water on my desk, gulping the drink greedily. Better, but only by a fraction. It wasn't any help that I hadn't eaten in nearly two days, and I was torn to shreds because I was about to leave the man I was destined for, and the friends I now considered family, and pretend it was with the other man I loved. Even though that phase of my life was over. I'd hurt Jake so much this past year. Too much.

My room came back into focus. The string of white lights Rachel and I had hung along my wall while her family assisted Charlie and I with Christmas ornaments shimmered. A minature Christmas tree rested on my desk. A mistletoe drooped in the door way. There was absolute silence, aside from the rain drumming against the side of the house and roof.

My eyes drifted to the pictures taped against my wall of the past few months since Jacob discovered me at Autumn's. The visual equivalent of the best months of my life, drama forgotten; the accumulation of the three months following Jake's return. The good times. Photos of the pack and girls at the beach, a group shot: me in Jake's arms, Seth gazing adoringly at Brooke, Autumn and Embry laughing at something Quil was doing in the back (putting up a peace sign above Sam's head). The others were having just as much fun. Another one: The club- Jake and I dancing with Julius pointing in our direction, holding two thumbs up. I chuckled. Drunken pack boys all over the floor, couch, and kitchen table at Julius and Carmen's place, following a wild night out. All of us at the table, the first day I hung out with the Pack after returning, the first day I felt I belonged. I was in Jake's arms and he was flashing _my_ smile. Quil and Embry were in the background, intentionally striking girlish poses. _Quit crying, Bella_. Photographs of the girls and I at a sleepover, posing anywhere from sexy to goofy. Even one shot of us wearing tacky clothes one random afternoon, and one in our underwear (the fringe was bent at the edges…Quil got a hold of it, shortly before Embry and Jake beat his ass). Sam, Emily, and Leah happy - Leah's arms around Emily with Sam's head resting against his wife's pregnant belly. Charlie and Billy mimicking today's 'gangsters,' trying to be cool, the day our house finally reflected the Christmas spirit. Me at the Black's one morning, drinking coffee with Rachel, both of us in our pajamas, wrapped in a woven, tribal patterned blanket on their shabby, absolutely comfortable couch, one particular chilly morning. Jake and Rebecca were on the floor in front of us. Another snapshot of the four of us on the couch engaged in a tickle fest_. Bella, stop the tears this instant_. On the couch at Sam's: I was squished between Quil and Jacob, who had his arm wrapped protectively around me. The pack was all over the couch and floor in various states of wrestling. Another picture of all of us piled around and on top of the couch. It was movie night at Sam and Emily's. I recall laughing hilariously with the others because of the werewolf movie we were viewing.

My eyes traveled to the last section, a full fourth of my wall. All of the photos were of Jake and me, taken by each other, but mostly captured by the others. The majority of them were candid. At Autumn's, on the beach, during the bonfire we'd had recently, kissing, holding each other, goofing around, on the couch, anywhere. One particular photograph caught my eyes. It was the picture Jake took of the two of us, unknowingly to me, the morning after we'd made love for the first time. (Benefits of being over a foot taller than me). I'm gazing into his eyes, and he's ogling me and he's smiling _my_ smile and I'm truly smiling. And I look beautiful, fresh, blush staining my cheeks; the morning-after glow. And he's gorgeous too, as always. Our noses are touching and it's a close up, a shot of our head and shoulders. My arms are secured around him and his free one is enveloping me. And we look so blissful, so in love.

So in love it makes my heart ache just looking at such an intimate moment between us. I traced over Jake's face, lingering over his lips with my finger.

My face was soaked. I'd been crying all along.

And I was happy in every picture. I was smiling so much in each one, so realistically. I could see the glow they all talked about. It was caused by the invigorating feelings I evoked from being in love and having such a warm, amusing, unique family and group of friends.

Soon, within an hour, I'd throw this all away, ditch this life and start new again, to keep them safe.

Jake and I would never be the same again.

Upset and heartbroken, I peeled the pictures off the wall, flinging them to the floor, sobbing resentfully. I fell to a heap on the floor between the photos scattered all over my carpet. I lay down, and buried my face into the rug, clenching the threads between my fingers. My insides hurt. I felt sick and it wasn't just because I hadn't eaten. I felt dead. And I hadn't even broken the 'news' to Jacob yet.

I brought my knees to my chest_. Breathe, Bella_. The tears stopped flowing, but the ache remained. The ring on my finger reflected the Christmas lights flickering in the darkness of my room. My lips quivered as I gazed at the ring from every angle, memorizing its beauty.

Just as I remembered Jacob last night.

I curled into a ball, clutching my stomach.

I felt a presence in the room. I opened my eyes to see Edward bending down to lift me to my feet. Topaz eyes and enchanting, model-like face that I wanted to _claw at._ His cold fingers brushed against my face and his eyes inspected me, dismayed. I recoiled and sat up, fuming. "Ever head of a door, Edward?" I gritted my teeth. I noticed all of the pictures were gone. "Where are they?" I crawled around, searching underneath my bed. Edward's hands encircled my waist and hauled me to my feet, even as I thrashed about in his arms. I whirled around and hit his chest. "Where are they, god damn it!" I pushed him away; he resisted. "Can't I just have one thing to preserve my memory?" My seething transformed to sorrow. "Please." His hold tightened around me. My jabs slowed and I bawled into his chest, clasping his shirt between my fingers. I slid to the floor on my knees. He followed and wrapped me up in his arms. His hands held my head to his chest and he hummed, attempting to console me, as my body rested between his legs. I didn't long for his arms, I never would again, but I was relieved. My breathing slackened. "I'm sorry," I mumbled into his chest.

"For what?" His voice was strained. "For what this mistake made happen?" He breathed into my hair. I pulled myself free from his arms and he caught me before I fell to the ground again, dizzy. "Your pictures…" he swallowed, despaired. "I placed them inside that container." He gestured to a shoe box next to my bed. "You have to keep them hidden. Marcus…he will see the closeness and seek proof for how much they mean to you." I released myself from his grip and clutched the box to my chest. Edward stood beside the bed next to me. "They'll murder first the one who will cause you the most pain: Jacob, like we discussed. Then they'll move on."

I sat on the bed and shivered. "To Charlie…Renee…then…" _Too many people. Too many lies I would be telling_. I dropped the box onto the bed. Edward assisted me in packing my suitcases, at super human speed. We were cramming the last pair of jeans into the final suitcase before I hesitated. I watched him stack my luggage against the wall. I met his eyes before darting my eyes to the suitcase, checking its locks out of nervousness. "What am I going to say to him? I can't hurt him."

"Carlisle and I had a discussion this morning…" He trailed off, facing the wall. "There's another option. Something we failed to tell you." He stared at me, gravely.

I glanced at him sharply. "What other option?" I grinded my teeth.

He avoided the question. "This is my entire fault…" He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"No it's not! Quit blaming yourself! If I hadn't come after you, they wouldn't have known that I knew and everyone would be safe."

"You came because of me," he stated, grimly. "If you had stayed with Jacob instead of Alice informing you what I was about to do, this wouldn't have happened. Your life wouldn't be at such a risk. The wolves could have held their own against Victoria."

He had a point, but I was done with accusing others for faults that were mine. It was my turn to take the blame. I strode to my bathroom and rummaged through my cabinets, jamming their contents and other personal hygiene products into my makeup bag. Edward followed me. "What is my other option, Edward? Tell me now." I slammed the cabinet door shut, shaking the frame. I was worked up.

He leaned against the door. I skirted past him and flung the bag on top of my baggage. I marched to my bed, stripping it bare.

The venom in Edward's words was evident when he spoke next. "You could become a vampire."

I paused and dropped the cluster of sheets against the comforter. I hunched over the bed, supporting my weight on my arms. "No."

"If you do this, then this conflict will be over."

"And I'll lose everything, either way."

"Bella, please," he pressed.

"Does my life mean that much to you?" I reeled around, confronting him. "Are you that willing to put me through 'the change' if it prevents me from dying?"

"Bella, you know I don't want this, but I'd do anything for you."

"You weren't so eager about turning me when I actually wantedto become a vampire," I scoffed.

He rolled his eyes. "If you want me to change you, I will and I won't hesitate or provide an excuse to delay it this time."

"I'd rather die," I hissed, inches away from his face. I backed away, folding my laundry neatly. My room was barren. "I don't have another choice, Edward. We decided that yesterday."

He reached for the antique box that had suddenly appeared on my vacant desk.

His engagement ring. Elizabeth Masen's.

He extended his hand. "This is what he needs to see, Bella. If he doesn't, he'll fight." He looked absolutely depressed.

I stiffened and stared at the ring in his hand like it was going to explode. "No," I said through clenched teeth.

Edward placed the ring on the desk's surface as I settled on my bed. Just one trip to his car and my stuff was packed away. He reappeared in front of me so quickly, I jumped. "Your car is on its way to NYU, courtesy of Rosalie, as of last night. Alice is going to drive my car, with your luggage, to the airport in Port Angeles, to make sure things are squared away. Our flight leaves in a few hours. The others are already headed to my family's new home. I'm sure you've conscious of the fact that your truck isn't going to last much longer." He laughed, hollowly.

"Did you dismantle it beyond repair thistime?" I growled.

"No." He shook his head. "That vehicle is on its last legs. That's why you haven't been driving it."

"Fine," I sighed, irritated. "You can leave now." He deposited the extra set of keys to my car next to the ring and velvet box and then he was gone, back to the Cullen's to finish whatever it was they had left. I gazed at the objects.

The rain picked up again and a crack of thunder startled me, cutting through the silence like a knife. Scenes from the past few months played like a movie in my head. My girls, the pack, Autumn, my job, college acceptances, the good times, Jacob, kissing him, smiling, our lovemaking, touching, talking, dancing, anything.

I composed myself, knowing I had to do this correctly. There couldn't be a single flaw in my plan. I would be alright, until I had to face Jacob. I buried my face in my hands and breathed deeply, sobbing just once before I stood to my feet. With one last glance at my empty room (stark closet, stripped bed, empty bathroom, and blank desk) I snatched the keys, box and ring in my hands, and departed, leaving no traces that anyone had lived here except for the Christmas decorations. Void of any signs of Bella Swan.

Goodbye, Forks.

* * *

_And as you move on, remember me,_

_Remember us and all we used to be,_

_I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile._

_I've watched you sleeping for a while._

_I'd be the father of your child._

_I'd spend a lifetime with you._

_I know your fears and you know mine._

_We've had our doubt, but now we're fine,_

_And I love you, I swear it's true._

_I cannot live without you._

I didn't even think to change my clothes or shower. What was the point? The short trip to the truck had drenched my clothes; my hair dripped down my arms, seeping through my shirt. I shivered as I drove to La Push, and it wasn't only because of the cold. I'd crossed the border, taking a peek at the sign reading 'Quileute Reservation,' and kept my eyes on the road. The trees began to thin out and the homes of the inhabitants came into view, spread out as I passed, each occupying a substantial piece of land. The rain eased as the trees formed a canopy overhead blocking most of the downpour; I could somewhat see out my windshield.

I should have taken the long way, because now my eyes were feasting upon the homes of my friends, their property packed with cars. Each house was decorated sparsely, but beautifully. The glimmer of the Christmas lights encircling each house was the only illumination in such dreary surroundings. I slowed down.

The Uley's home had the most occupants. Sam, Emily, Claire, Quil, most of Sam and Emily's relatives, were laughing, smiling, sharing dinner at a table arranged for dinner on their front porch. Obviously they would have the most guests this Christmas with the marriage and pregnancy. The rain didn't seem to bother them. Sam was cradling Emily and Quil bounced Claire on his lap.

I assumed the Black's had plans for us to visit the Uley's home later tonight. Too bad I wouldn't be there for that. I gasped and averted my eyes to the road, gripping the steering wheel.

A little further down, I recognized Sue, Leah, Seth, and Brooke walking down the side of the dirt road, headed to the Uley's. Sue and Leah were chatting; Seth held Brooke's hand, smiling at her, holding an umbrella above her head. Brooke was beaming. Seth paused and snatched the beanie off of Brooke's head, tossing the umbrella to Leah, exposing Brooke's flawless locks to the rain. She shrieked and ran after him, laughing as she tried to cover her hair with her hands. He caught her by the waist and pulled her to his chest. She playfully pushed him away before grabbing the umbrella from Leah. They were flirting. It was about time.

I wouldn't get to see their relationship develop.

I pressed on the gas pedal and passed Jared's house. He and Kim were standing in the doorway welcoming their parents. Autumn's car stuck out like a sore thumb beside the house. She ran to greet Kim with Embry right behind her. There was laughter all around. Autumn was the last inside the house and turned to see me pass by. She smiled solemnly, but I didn't watch her long enough for anything else.

The Black's rust red house came into view. Billy's truck, Jake's bike and Rabbit, Rebecca's rental car (a new Honda Civic), Charlie's cruiser, and Rachel's Mazda were parked unceremoniously over the front yard. I turned my car off at the end of the walk, quite a distance behind Charlie's slanted cruiser. This was it. I yanked the center compartment open and retrieved Edward's ring, setting it to the side beside the box on the dashboard. Now that the car was cut off and the heater wasn't running, I realized how frigid it was. I could catch pneumonia in this weather.

I caught the twinkle of the Black's Christmas tree lights in their window. The twins were conversing on the couch, clothed in different colored sweaters and jeans, hair down, looking as attractive as ever. It made me wonder just how breathtaking Jacob's mother must have been to give birth to such beautiful children. Charlie once said that Jake got his good looks from his mom.

Charlie appeared alongside the Christmas tree in front of the girls and raised a glass of what looked like red wine in a sort of toast. I heard Billy's laughter beside him as he rolled to the end of the couch. Rachel flung a pillow in Charlie's direction, giggling. Jacob was the one she had aimed for (he was on the other side of Charlie) and he ducked and pointed to Billy as if condemning him for something. Billy erected his hands in mock defense.

I glanced away, my eyes traveling to my hand as I brought my fingers to Jake's ring, sliding over the band and diamond glistening in the light.

Oh, wait, that was just my unshed tears.

_You cannot cry, Bella_. I swallowed and checked my face in the mirror, unhinging my purse open and nimbly applying some light make up. This wouldn't work if he could tell how flushed my cheeks were or how black the circles under my eyes were. I hoped the metallic brown would take away from my itchy, reddened eyes. _Thanks to the experts for creating water proof makeup_. I clasped Edward's ring in my wrist and went to remove Jake's. I paused, grief stricken, and swallowed before my body could wrack with sobs. I hastily removed Jake's ring, hiding it in Edward's box before stuffing it into my jean pocket. I reluctantly and savagely rammed Edward's ring over my finger in Jake's ring's place. It was like a dead weight against my finger. It felt too heavy. I ignored it and crawled out of the car, tucking the hand with the ring in my jacket pocket. I pivoted around and composed myself, practicing yoga on my feet (Autumn's influence), breathing deeply.

I could do this.

The gust of crisp wind chilled me, right through my skin, and suddenly the heavens parted and the rain fell to the ground. I could see my breath as fog in the air. This was also familiar. Jacob had 'broken up' with me to protect me from himself, the werewolf, under Sam's orders, arranging his own bitter, angry mask in place as he broke my heart, leaving me alone to wallow in my misery.

I faced the house. "Jacob," I whispered. He was leaning against the windowsill chatting with the others and smiling. At the sound of my voice I knew he would hear he angled his head slightly towards the window. "We have to talk, alone." I squeezed my eye shut. I opened them again to see his seat empty. I crept further down the road, just before my car. I heard the door creak open as he strode outside.

"Bells," he greeted me, warmly. I hadn't noticed how nice, yet casual, he was dressed. He was wearing jeans and a V-neck white t-shirt. He looked fantastic. "Why are you out here? Its freezing and you're getting wet. The fireplace is lit inside." He gestured towards the house, grinning. He closed in on me and studied me, ducking his head to see my despondent eyes. "What the hell is going on? You promised you'd tell me." Jacob was also known for having a good memory. He reached for my cheek and chin to lift my head up and tug me into a hug.

I backed away. "Please, don't touch me," I pleaded, avoiding his grasp, keeping my eyes to the ground. _This wasn't working Bella; come on._

He dropped his hand to the side. "What did I do, Bella?" I met his eyes. He was upset I'd rejected him. "You're going to catch you death out here. Can we please talk inside?"

"No," I snapped. I didn't need to go inside. My father and once future blood relatives were in there. My resolve would crack. He recoiled at my outburst. "I need to get this over with as quickly as possible," I said, more to myself than him.

He squinted, completely confused.

"I'm going to take the scholarship to NYU." My eyes focused everywhere but his face.

"Really?" He beamed.

My voice was monotone as our eyes linked. "I'm leaving sooner than I thought."

He was still excited. "That's great. I'll go pack my stuff. We'll leave after the holidays." He was almost giddy at the idea of escaping Washington."Let's go speak with my dad." He nodded towards the house. He reached for my hand. I retracted it before he could touch me. The flame in his eyes faded and the muscles in his jaw twitched.

"No," I stated, keeping up the emotionless façade. "I'm leaving tonight."

"On Christmas? W-Why?"

We were very close to me causing his face to morph into the heartbroken one I feared. My insides twisted painfully. It was still raining. I trembled.

"That I won't let happen!" He growled

"You're not coming with me," I hissed. His jaw clenched and he scowled. I gestured to the forest around me. "Your father's here, as well as the pack, which happens to be under your command now, in case it left your mind. You need to stay."

"Bella," he said, miffed. "I told you what I would do if you moved away! I don't want to be without you; I want you by my side, no matter the circumstances!"

Here it goes. My lips quivered. I stood up straighter. "If that's the case then," I said, firmly. "I'm going to have to break up with you."

"What? You're fucking joking right?" He snorted, appalled.

"Did you not understand me?" I said, defensive and annoyed. "I'm breaking up with you."

"To go to NYU?" He said in disbelief. "You think that'll stop me from loving you, or wanting you? You were so set on staying here and not going across country. What the hell made you change your mind?"

I crossed my arms over my chest, almost frozen as the wind nipped at my skin and numbed my fingers. I was drawing this out for too long. It was time to do it. "Edward did." I smiled. It was a fake expression and I prayed he didn't sense it.

"You're bullshitting me," he snarled and his nostrils flared.

"No I'm not, Jake! Okay? Don't you get it?" My voice cracked with emotion and I shook my head. "I'm not over him, Jacob!"

"I know that!" He threw his hands up. "Why do you think I was so nervous about allowing you to visit him? What bullshit did he put into your head that you should leave me and attend college without me? He always had a way with words…" He kicked the gravel and sent a large rock colliding into a tree, shaking its branches as its leaves fluttered down.

"Jacob! Get it through your head! I'm still in love with him!" I cried. _No, Jake, don't listen to my nonsense. I only have feelings for him, they aren't that strong anymore and they never will be again! You know I love you more! _"…more than you. I'm sorry," I sighed. Liar.

His chest heaved as he gawked at me, mouth gaping. "You're lying," he whispered harshly, moving closer to my face. The tone of his voice gave it away though: he was beginning to believe me. This was working.

My lungs constricted and my gut knotted painfully. It'd constantly been contorting throughout this argument, but now, it was like someone had stabbed a knife through my stomach, and my innards were skewed throughout my body in inappropriate places. I couldn't tell if Jake was crying. The rain eclipsed any signs if he was. His shirt was soaked through, outlining the muscles of his stomach. I had to look away; I couldn't react to his body, not when his life, everyone's life, was depending on this moment being successfully carried out.

"No, I'm not." I stared into his eyes. "We're better off as friends, Jake. I'm back together with him."

"No. After all this time? After everything, you just want to be _friends_?" He shrunk back, crossing his arms. "That's not happening! I told you I'd fight until your heart stops beating." His eyes skimmed over my chest. "And I can hear it loud and clear." He met my eyes again.

"You already got your chance, Jacob," I spat, immediately regretting my words. "You don't need to fight anymore. You already had me."

"You're just giving up on us, like that?" He stalked towards me. "What the hell have the last few months meant to you? Nothing?" His voice wavered. I removed my hand with Edward's ring from my pocket and held it clear for his to see. He eyes zoned in on the exposed ring. "That's not mine."

"Exactly," I stammered, heart mangled. "You're my best friend, Jake. I dolove you." True. "But, it's not enough…and it never will be. It's always been Edward, I see that now. You and I…we don't fit like we used to. In a world with no monsters, yes, but not now." _All lies_. I lowered my head.

His frown vanished. All I could concentrate on was his eyes as they bore into mine, horrified. His lips curled downward. Confusion and anguish clouded his eyes, marring his face. "Why…? What were the past few months for you then?" He gritted his teeth, his voice quaked, and his whole body trembled from hopelessness.

"What more proof do you want, Jake? I smell like him, I'm wearing his ring, the scholarship was a gift from them, and they even bought me a new car. And I'm taking it all, returning to the man I was meant to be with the most." That was too much_._ My tears were bubbling to the surface, the need to tell him the truth emerging. "You know that, Jake. You just refused to accept it. He's my eternity, Jake, and yes, one day, one visit, and one more chance to see his face after all this time made it obvious to me that we were meant to be. I was misguided to think I belonged with someone else, namely you." Oh my God. His face was as I imagined.

"Why are you doing this to me, again?" The tears were evident in his voice and his face was ruined with misery.

_Because I don't deserve you. Because I'm protecting you. This is a load of crap, Jake, that I have to make you believe. We can't be together under these circumstances, not until it's safe, not until the Volturi capture and kill me, if that's what it comes to. Edward and I are over. But, you cannot come with me._

I couldn't say any of that.

Then I said the words I knew would be the final nail into his heart. "I don't love you anymore, Jacob Black, not like him."

His shoulders sagged and he stared at me, melancholic, and shook his head. I could see the evidence of the path of tears on his cheek, even through the rain. I knew these were tears; the water followed the curvature from the crease of his eyes, down his cheek. I was close to breaking. I wanted to give myself away, badly.

"You were a plaything, Jake. It was just sex. Very good sex, but nonetheless _sex_."

"That's not the impression I was getting with the former."

"Maybe so. But, I got what I wanted; all this pent up sexual frustration with Edward was vented out. And maybe I suspected I loved you enough, but it's clear to me now."

"Then what was last night?" He wrenched out.

"A sort of parting gift between us. Something for you to take from me, since I was never really yours."

He stumbled away, eyes still moving, pondering everything, hands gliding through his hair.

How could I do this to him? I wanted to beg forgiveness, tell him the past few months meant the world to me, that he meant everything to me, that I was only truly happy with him, that when we'd made love, shared everything with each other we could, giving me a chance to prove how much I loved him, his touch made me feel alive_._

I handed him the ring he had given me. His eyes darted to it. He shook his head. "No, that's yours. There's never going to be someone else I love enough to deserve that."

Wordlessly, I shrugged and tucked it into my pocket. Inside, I was screaming, crying uncontrollably, and beating myself up. "Thank you." For everything. For saving me, for loving me_._ "I guess I'll keep it." He grimaced and turned away. "We're over Jake. Maybe someday you can forgive me and accept this. I'll see you later, or not." I swallowed and turned to walk away.

"Wait," he cried, reaching for my arm. I whirled around and avoided his touch. "Please, stay. I don't…" he couldn't finish his sentence. His eyes were completely lifeless, barely acknowledging we were drenched from head to toe. He moved away. I couldn't let him touch me. I knew I'd cave in if he did, and I would reveal everything.

"Let Charlie know I'll be departing tonight because of things beyond my control. I'll call him later. Goodbye, Jacob." I turned on my heel and returned to my car, throwing the door open. I jammed the key into my ignition furiously, hurrying to get away. I stomped my foot against the floorboard. The truck came to life and I spun around in the road, my lips quivering violently from the tears threatening to spill. I glanced in the rearview mirror and the hole in my chest opened even more, forming a black hole; a bottomless, life-sucking force. The sight before me was so painful I had to look away.

Jacob was on the ground on his knees, jeans wet and dirty from the terrain, staring after me and then holding his head in his hands. I could see his body visibly shaking from his sobs. Rebecca, Charlie and Billy raced out, standing on the porch, obviously having watched the exchange beforehand. Rebecca glowered, confused, Charlie appeared to be wrecked, Billy was glaring after me. Rachel ran out, disregarding the rain and took her brother in her arms. Seeing such a small girl hold a large, broken, man like Jacob, tore apart every organ in my body, or so it felt like. I sped down the road, reaching speeds illegal in such a rural area. Rachel looked after me, shocked and revolted. I didn't ease off the gas as I drove blindly past the homes of the family I almost had. The family I would never have. Once Jake phased, and word got out, forgiveness was out of the question.

The wolves would hate me for hurting their Alpha, their brother, their friend, like this. The girls would be full of disbelief, infuriated with me for supposedly leaving Jake for Edward, choosing him again. I would never set foot on these lands again. Second chances were hard enough to win over, and they wouldn't give me another, not since I'd returned to the 'bloodsuckers,' all under the pretext I forced them to believe. They could never know. I hoped, with every molecule in me, that this was the right thing to do, that the Volturi wouldn't attack.

I didn't think. My mind was a blank sheet of paper, unable to process any words, anything coherent. I floored the gas pedal until I reached the Cullen's house, stopping at the end of their driveway.

That was when my walls crashed down. The emotion was so overwhelming that I turned the car off and veered off to the side of the road. I unbuckled my seatbelt, it already becoming a tight restraint against my lungs and chest. The tears fell as I cried out and rested my head against the steering wheel. "No, no, no," I said to myself, banging my hands against the wheel. Livid, I pulled off Edward's ring and pelted it against the windshield. It fell with a clatter, completely unscathed. I wrapped my arms around my chest and rocked back and forth sobbing so hard I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see. I collapsed into myself. Nothing but a shell; a cold, heartless, vacant shell. My heart pounded painfully and I clenched and unclenched the steering wheel, the tears never ceasing to fall, the hole in my chest bleeding throughout my body. I was dizzy from anguish, anger, lack of food, visions of Jake's face when I told him playing on repeat in my head; pure torture.

Everything that followed was a blur.

My door flew open and a breeze grazed me. I didn't feel a thing. I was paralyzed from the pain and the rain sopping my clothes. Was it Jacob? Had he seen through my lies and chased after me, to forgive me?

Disappointment coursed through me as icy hands entrapped my waist. I was hauled into Edward's arms before landing in the car again. "Oh my God." I shook, bawling. The car started and seconds later the door opened. I heard voices and car doors shut as Edward conversed with someone. He recaptured me and I slipped out of his arms, sinking to the ground.

Nothing but rain and tears. The puddle below me looked deep, like a body of water. And I was falling into it in despair. But I hadn't moved. The sobs shook my frame. "Jacob, Jacob," I muttered repeatedly along with a bunch of nonsense.

This situation was too familiar.

Edward lifted me again and I was positioned into another car- a cab? It was tight, cramped, and claustrophobic. I couldn't drive, not in this state, and the others were on their way to New York.

Time flew by. My throat was sore, but I couldn't stop. Now I wasn't crying, I was gasping for air. What seemed like only seconds later, seen as time seemed meaningless now, we were at the airport. As Edward and I walked through the terminal, weakness overcame me, and I blacked out, drowning in a sea of unconsciousness.

_No I don't believe you_

_When you say don't come around here no more_

_I won't remind you_

_You said we wouldn't be apart._

_No, I don't believe you_

_When you say you don't need me anymore_

_So don't pretend_

_To not love me at all._

* * *

_Christmas Day_

I opened my eyes, minutes, hours, maybe days later, to the sunrise blinding me.

I panicked. "W-What?" My voice was strangled and my throat painfully scratchy, looking around frantically. I was on an airplane, several thousand feet above the ground.

An icy hand seized my own. "We're here."

I glanced at Edward. He looked crushed, reflecting the state I was in. "How long was I out?" I said hoarsely, trembling, my nose running.

"You…passed out once we entered the terminal. The flight was delayed for several hours. That's why its daylight."

I noticed the blinds were down and Edward was covered in clothes from head to toe; he even had a scarf wrapped around his neck. "The others are bringing my car and possessions, right?"

He nodded. "They should be meeting us at the airport."

I suddenly felt exhausted, although I had to have been out for close to ten hours.

I was emotionally fatigued.

"Everything is set for when you arrive at the university. We have directions, room designations, everything you need." He leaned his head back as the plane began its descent and the turbulence shook our seats.

I raised the blinds; it was dark enough that the sun didn't reach Edwards' skin.

Nothing but steel lay beneath us; manmade, majestic structures at every corner, everywhere. The Empire State building towering over the streets, Brooklyn, the Statue of Liberty, Central Park, hundreds of skyscrapers.

New York City.

_Goodbye my lover._

_Goodbye my friend._

_You have been the one._

_You have been the one for me._

* * *

(A/N: If you're wondering why Jacob believed Bella, well, Edward DID say 'if he really means that much to you, it'll work,' but also, it's _Edward_, the one guy Jacob's lost Bella to before, so his confidence vanishes in that situation. Though in this case, it was all fake, so she could keep him (and everyone else) safe. I tried to make that clear. **Review, please, and don't flame.**)


	17. University

Disclaimer: Lyrics: Right Here- Staind and the songs that are mentioned at 'the Mixer' are Paper Planes- MIA and Poker face- Lady Gaga. The song Jeremy (an OC) sings at the end is Something- Jim Sturgess (from the movie 'Across the Universe,' which I highly recommend if you like musicals…or The Beatles =)) (I wanted him to sound somewhat like that guy when he sings)

(**A/N**: Thanks for the reviews, faves and alerts! Even though I did some research, I have never been to NYC, so I hope any descriptions don't bother you! Bear with me: I know personally this chapter isn't that exciting. I also want to go ahead and say Bella has a gay, male roommate. I personally _love_ gay guys and if you happen to be a homophobe, ignore it and don't say anything, okay?)

* * *

**Chapter 15: University**

_I know I've been mistaken_

_But just give me a break and see the changes that I've made_

_I've got some imperfections_

_But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face?_

_Christmas Day_

_New York City, New York_

_(Bella's POV)_

Once we had landed, I realized there was pure white, shimmering snow coating the streets, frosting cars and grass, and resting on outer rims and drain pipes of buildings. It was truly beautiful.

Edward and I walked through the terminal, close, arms brushing; I didn't hold his hand. People stared, but it didn't really bother me since there was hardly a soul there. They were all celebrating Christmas with their loved ones, something I would be doing, undoubtedly, if there wasn't a threat lurking from the seemingly omnipresence of the Volturi.

A sob formed in my throat, tickling its walls; I held it back. Edward sensed the uneasiness in my body and sent me a sidelong glance before twining his fingers with mine, squeezing my hand gently. I gave him a small smile, so tiny my lips vaguely curved upward. I needed a source of solace at this moment, so I chose to not remove my hand.

I felt disgusting. I hadn't showered and I was still wearing the same clothes I'd worn the day before that had been drenched with water, obvious by the wrinkled clothing. I forced myself to not think about the events that had transpired, and triumphed, because I was starving. I couldn't think straight, I was that hungry. My stomach rumbled.

"Esme's brought you some food, that she recommends," Edward chuckled. "So, I'm assuming it's good." I smiled graciously, a grin just an imperceptible fraction larger than the one before, but nothing near what it could be if I was with someone else, specifically, if I was in Jacob's arms.

Edward greeted Carlisle, Esme, and Alice, preventing me from succumbing to my suffering. I didn't think I'd be shedding anymore tears for a while, hopefully; these past few days had me cried out.

During the entire hike through the airport Edward maneuvered me, since I couldn't concentrate on the direction I was progressing, or the signs. An enclosed foam tray was placed in my peripheral. I looked up to see Esme grinning dejectedly "Bella, you're famished. I didn't have time to make anything myself, but you should eat. It's from one of my favorite restaurants, even though human food doesn't appeal to my kind as much as it would yours."

My stomach growled painfully again and I accepted her offer, taking the container and sitting alone at a table nearby. The others permitted me to have some privacy, so I watched them from afar as they spoke intensely to each other. I devoured my food, a sandwich with fruit on the side, from a restaurant I'd never heard of, and gulped down the bottled water. I was ravenous. Just eating made me feel less dizzy and more awake, which was what I'd aimed for. The ache was still there in my heart; I doubted it would go away anytime soon, if ever. Some passerby's stared at me, muttering disapprovingly about my appearance under their breath. I knew I looked sickly. I ran a finger through my hair, snagging the tangles. My locks were matted. My face felt sticky, a result from the tears and the rain; since I hadn't had a chance to wash my face, my makeup was likely smeared or completely gone, so I was paler than usual. I was grieving, heartbroken, and about to be thrust into the world by myself, alone, supporting myself regardless of my parents, for the first time.

My eyes darted to the window; the central part of the city lay in the distance. _This_ would be my life now. Instead of mountains, there would be countless buildings exalted overhead. Instead of a town of maybe 4,000 people, I was in a crowded, bustling city, one of the largest in the United States, with a population of well over 8 million.

I was startled from my thoughts as Alice appeared at my side, shaking me out of my reverie, and drawing me into a hug. I weakly returned the embrace. She grasped my hands, peering into my eyes. "We need to get you cleaned up the best we can. It'll make you feel better." She stroked my cheek and her eyes were warm. Did everybody know how I was feeling? Or had they become so aware of my situation from observing my behavior that they could do nothing but feel sorry for me and do what they could to make things more in my favor?

Alice led me to the bathroom, providing me with a change of clothes. I was about to enter into the stall when I looked at her skeptically. She rolled her eyes. "I went easy on you, Bella. I know you're not feeling your best." That was a definite understatement. "I grabbed the first decent set of clothes I could find in your suitcase: a white, turtleneck sweater and long sleeved shirt, some dark washed denim jeans, and your boots, okay?"

I changed quickly; satisfied she chose some of my old clothing. I didn't really care much about how I looked anymore, not after…yesterday. But, I didn't want to look like a fucking zombie, so I obliged and made a pact with myself to dress like Old Bella, because it would make me feel comfortable in my skin.

I washed my face, brushed my teeth, unraveled the knots in my hair, and applied a meager amount of makeup- moisturizer, foundation, blush, and nothing more. I briefly glanced in the mirror and considered myself presentable, although bland, before returning to the others. No one felt the need to say anything until we reached the garage. I welcomed the silence; I didn't want to talk. Honestly, I yearned to find a bed, curl into a ball, and gaze into nothingness, not thinking at all. I didn't' want to be alone, obviously, but I couldn't have who I really desired to hold me, so I'd chose to be woeful.

The cool air grazed my cheeks as we exited the airport. I tugged the mittens folded into my jeans over my hands. It was overcast; dawn hadn't broken yet. Carlisle handed me a portfolio of papers. I glanced at him, wide eyed. "It's everything you'll need. Parking passes for your apartment, housing assignments, class schedule, directions to campus, campus maps, all the information you received with the acceptance letter. Your suitcases are situated in your car." He pressed the alarm and I abruptly turned to see my Acura just a few cars away. I retrieved my keys from my pocket and jingled them. "Got them," I whispered.

He positioned his hands on my shoulders and his eyes bore into mine. "If you need anything, please let us know." I nodded. He squeezed my shoulders briefly before stepping away. Esme smiled at me, and patted my hair down.

I realized what was happening. In a way, they were saying goodbye to me. I trembled before launching myself into Esme's arms, attaching myself to her frame, before she pulled away.

Alice crashed into my arms, knocking the breath out of me. "We can still talk, you know," she said. "I'll miss you." She kissed my cheek. I blinked and Esme, Alice, and Carlisle had disappeared, leaving the garage devoid of anyone aside from Edward and me.

He stood just a few feet away from me. Our eyes locked. "The ring…my ring…" he breathed. I cringed, recalling how that ring aided me not even twenty-four hours ago. "I couldn't find it. I don't know where it is. But, at this point, I don't care. You don't need that as a memento of what you did, what I practically forced you to."

I stiffened. What hadI done with it? I couldn't remember things clearly. "I appreciate you going through with this for me because I chose to do this. I'm sorry if I ever gave you the impression we'd be together again."

He shook his head. "I had hoped. But I know better. It was selfish dreaming on my account." He smiled sadly. "I'll miss you. But don't think this is goodbye. You can call me once in a while, if you desire to speak with me."

"I will." I lowered my eyes with a tight lipped smile present. "But…" I met his eyes again. "I need to be away from you for a while."

He cupped my cheek. "Whatever you need, however much time you want, you can have it. I know this is difficult…"

"No, you don't," I snarled, the first real indication of emotion I'd had since we left Forks.

"Yes, I do. I left you to keep you safe."

"And it ended up being a mistake right? It only made things worse. In this case, it's a well-known fact if I screw this up everyone I love will be dead. I left because I had to; you left because you chose to."

He sighed. "This was your choice, Bella."

"I don't see it as a choice anymore," my voice rose, signaling this was the end of the discussion.

"I love you." He kissed my forehead, lips lingering. I squeezed my eyes shut. "You too," I whispered. A breeze brushed against my forehead, and a second later, when I opened my eyes, he was gone.

I was alone.

* * *

_Manhattan/New York City_

_New York University, freshmen year_

I'd never had a more difficult time finding my way to anywhere. The street names on the directions Carlisle gave me were peculiar and the roads were unrecognizable and empty, lined with Christmas decorations. My car was unfamiliar; it smelled new, the scent of _him _didn't persevere like it did in the truck. "You're supposed to move on, Bella," I groaned, frustrated.

Who the hell is alone for Christmas? _Bella Swan is._

I'd done this, started over my life, several times before.

The first was when my parents divorced and I lived with my mother. I may have been too young at the time to understand what was happening, but it was nonetheless something away from normality.

The second was when I moved to Forks, where my troubles began.

The third was running away from my wedding, and living with Autumn in Georgia. The best months I ever had; those with Jacob.

The fourth was coming back to Forks after a six month absence. The best few weeks I'd ever had.

So, yes, this was the fifth time I'd have to restart my life. How many times would I have to do this again? Why was I always 'running away'?

NYU's campus came into view. My apartment, accommodated with a balcony for each room, was smack dab in the middle of Greenwich Village. It was across from another apartment space, the other side facing the park. Graffiti was painted on the walls, but it was tasteful, beautifully done; actual art. Banners donned the lampposts, declaring this as NYU's campus. It was so picturesque, I almost wished for a camera.

I successfully found a parking space on the street below. I killed the ignition and crawled out of my car, feet crunching the snow as the cold air bit my cheeks. I pushed through the front doors, adorned with wreathes and lights. My purse was slung over my shoulder, the folder clasped in my hands, and my suitcases flanked my sides. I reviewed the files, extracting the keys to my room from an envelope inside coupled with the room's number. Apparently I was assigned to the top floor. The walls and floors in the hallway leading to my room were elegantly embellished, a color scheme of whites and cream and beige. "Wow," I gasped as I entered my new home.

The place was enormous, like a suite in a hotel. I journeyed further in, examining the white walls with paintings and artwork framed for effect. I dropped the bags I had with me inside the doorway. There was a full living room, complete with black leather couches, a glass table with a garnish in the center. The apartment gave off a homely feeling. The kitchen connected to the living room around another wall, and matched the rest of the house with blacks and whites, and marble and glass, with a hint of color as a result to the overhanging pans, flowers and wooden cabinets. The fridge and cabinets, I was pleased to see, were stocked with basic cooking supplies. "Wow," I repeated, awestruck.

I continued to explore the house- three bedrooms, all different designs suited to fit the inhabitants. I concluded I had two roommates. The bedroom at the end of the hallway, overlooking the park was mine. I knew it. Earthy, monochromatic tones. I preferred that one over the others (a bright pink, or a red and black toned one). The bed was king-sized, fully made. All that was missing to fill this room was me. I unpacked my belongings leisurely, concentrating on each individual item, stocking my bathroom (there was one for each room, all huge, with tubs, showers and toilets, marble and color coded to match each room), organizing my makeup (what little I had). I showered, the knob a hassle until the burning water, the way I liked it, splashed against me, relaxing my strained muscles. I spent a good hour cleaning myself.

I didn't expect any calls, and I didn't get any. But, I did receive an email from the Cullen's, my mother, and Charlie, wishing me a Merry Christmas. Charlie had no idea what was going on, but didn't question me further. My stomach clenched when he said I had upset him, but he would call me in a few days once things died down. He also swore to mail my gifts to me.

I'd wasted enough time that the sun was beginning to vanish below the horizon. The windows entirely covered one side of the living room, so the sun cast its rays inside. I cooked pasta for dinner, simple and easy, realizing at this time, I should have been at the Uley's indulging in an abundant Christmas feast with everyone that meant the most to me. My stomach convulsed and I heaved, choking on my food as my eyes pooled up with tears. I buried my head in my hands and practiced breathing techniques I'd learned from Autumn to soothe me. I distracted myself immediately with the packages before me arranged in the center of the table, addressed to an 'Ashley,' a 'Kyle,' and me, with senior photographs of each of us in front.

The first one, closest to me was Ashley's. She was cute, had an amazing smile, radiant beige skin, emerald eyes, and dirty blond hair. The document beside her photo said she was majoring in drama to become an actress. I didn't snoop further. The second one was Kyle's. He had black dyed hair, tanned skin, pierced ears and nose, a goofy grin and sapphire eyes. He was majoring in interior design, as well as graphic design. The box was wrapped in various fashion sketches. Did he want to be a fashion designer? Had I snagged myself a gay roommate? Interesting. I giggled; the sound was so outlandish after my day of being depressed. He looked like he'd be fun to spend time with, though.

The final package was for me. I'd chosen to pursue a career in literature, and what lay inside correlated with that decision: Original copies of some of my favorite books, snazzy pens and pencils, journals, notebooks, all exquisitely bound in leather. Not cheap at all. Poems, scripts, anything similar, piled within also. How awesome were these people? I felt like Esme had a say in this, and it wouldn't surprise me if the Cullen's were involved.

My phone vibrated and I received two consecutive text messages from Autumn.

_Bella, I know you don't want to talk right now, and I'm so sorry you had to do this, but I do want to wish you a Merry Christmas! =) I sent my gift to you in the mail, so expect it soon! I love you, and I promise things will be alright. My heart is telling me you WILL make it through this, and so will we, ALIVE. Again, I wish I could change this, change everything, so that you were here with us. Xoxo _

I cried. I fucking cried, even when I thought I was incapable of shedding anymore tears. I recited my mantra: I could do this.

I would make it through however many years I would get.

* * *

_One week later- January second, the New Year_

I checked with the registration officials that nothing was missing for me to attend classes here. I picked up my books for my classes and preoccupied myself with assignments my professors had already posted online. I searched for employment on campus and managed to snag an interview at the school's bookstore, and volunteered at the library. I did anything to busy myself. I would begin both jobs in a week, as well as classes. I explored NYC, getting lost frequently, and found things to do, places to go, that would be exciting with a group of friends.

My presents arrived. The Cullen's showered me with house warming gifts, anything. I received presents from almost everyone I'd left behind. None from the Pack and Black's though. That hurtbeyond words. But I deserved nothing from them. I was stunned that my girls, well my once girlfriends, had sent me theirs, although with no messages. Autumn's was the most spectacular, heartfelt present- a letter telling me how much I meant to her, how she would never forsake me, how I was, and always would be, her best friend. It was paired with a necklace- solid gold with a pearl in the center of a silver and gold heart pendant. I wore it every day, along with the first bracelet Jake had made for me: simple leather string with the carved wolf; that was all I could bring myself to wear from him. The photographs of my past life, the best time of my life, and also the personal jewelry he'd given me, were sealed away. I couldn't even look at those items, so I needed one thing on my person all the time, literally, all day, every second, in the shower, cooking, so on, that reminded me of him.

It kept me from falling apart.

It was late in the morning, the day the rest of the students living on campus would move in. I'd seen a few stragglers after Christmas, but after taking a glimpse outside at the sound of voices, I swiveled around, and returned to my room. The hallways were chock-full of parents, students with luggage, saying goodbye, greeting roommates, jumping with excitement at a familiar face.

I'd fixed myself a sandwich, and relaxed on the couch to read a book when the door opened. A petite, curvaceous blonde glided in. "I know mom." Her preppy voice (there was no other way to put it) twanged with a New England accent as she set her Louis Vuitton suitcase down and shut the door behind her. "Whatever, mom. I have to go now, my roommate's waiting," she sighed heavily before clicking her pink Blackberry off. She smiled warmly at me from behind the couch. "Hi, you're Bella, right?"

I tripped over the lamp's cable to welcome her and blushed. She chuckled. I held out my hand to shake hers after smoothing down my jeans and shirt. "Yes, it's a pleasure to meet you. You're Ashley, right?" She ignored my hand and hugged me.

"Yep, that would be me." She beamed and ambled over to the table, untying her parcel. "For real?"

I stood beside her and gripped the back of the chair, brushing my hair behind my ear, bashful. "Yeah." I chewed on my lip. "Neat, eh?"

She squeaked and fell into a chair, observing the classic movies, signed playbills, tickets to all of the Broadway shows for the upcoming season, within. "That didn't weird you out when I hugged you earlier, did it? I'm kind of a very affectionate person."

I shook my head rapidly. "No."

She arched an eyebrow and quirked her head to the side. "You don't say much do you?"

"Not really." I shrugged. "You just have to get to know me."

She grabbed my hand and dragged me with her to the couch. "Well, since I'm going to be living with you for the next four or so years, I have plenty of time to." I laughed. We started to shuffle through her DVDs. "You'll watch some of these with me, right?"

I smiled, feebly. "Of course."

The door swung open and our tall (around 6'3") roommate, jean clad with chains through the loops, a leather jacket draped over his shoulder, sauntered in and announced his presence as his eyes landed on us. "Well, hello, roomies!"

He sounded so girlish. "Kyle, right?" I snickered. Ashley nudged me.

"You got it." He pointed to me, "Bella, the brunette, right?" He gestured to Ashley, "And Ashley the blond?"

"How did you know? I could have been a brunette," she teased and stood to her feet.

"Bella doesn't look like she sounds like you did over the phone, all gossip-girl like, you know?" He smirked.

She smacked his arm. "You win." She embraced him. I stood awkwardly to the side before he pulled me into a hug. I smiled.

Moments later we sat at the dining room table, clarifying the rules of the apartment, habits we had, pet peeves, and the like, and special talents that would make our lives easier, as Kyle had said.

"First and foremost," Kyle began, failing at his attempt to not burst out laughing. "I tend to sleep walk."

Ashley laughed before leaning back in her chair. "Keep the door locked, Bella." I rolled my eyes. "I snore," Ashley muttered.

Kyle laughed. "How about you, Ms. Swan, is it?"

I hesitated. "I have nightmares."

"Everyone does." Ashley leaned towards me, wanting to pry for information.

I winced. "No, I mean…I wake up screaming. So, I'm sorry." They scrutinized me. "They aren't common, not anymore, at least. But, they might be…they could start up again…I…"

Kyle held up his hand and pursed his lips. "Have no fear. We'll protect you from your demons."

I didn't respond, but brought my knees to my chest, tucking my chin in the crease between them. "But, I can cook," I said light heartedly.

"Hallelujah!" Kyle danced.

Ashley joined him. "Good bye Freshmen 15! Bella's going to keep us healthy."

"It's true, I have to keep my body nice and thin, you know." Kyle winked.

"I promise dinner every night, if we're not out." I hid a grin.

Moments later the conversation resumed. "Ground rules." Ashley crossed her arms and glowered at us.

Kyle flinched. "Oh God…how strict?"

"Don't have sex under this roof when others are here and keep it to your own room, in your own bed and not every available surface, please?"

"Damn!" Kyle snapped his fingers, flicking his wrist in mock defeat.

"You don't have to worry about that when it comes to me, Ashley," I said genuinely. It was true. I couldn't see myself giving my body over to another man anytime soon or, honestly, ever again.

"What about alcohol?" Kyle pressed.

"Please, stock the place up!" Ashley laughed, loudly. "And if anyone goes anywhere let someone know in case shit happens and we have to track you down to rescue you."

"I like that," I agreed, as did Kyle.

"Now, can we get the hell out of here and check out the campus life, my bitches?" Kyle tried to sound 'ghetto,' and failed considerably.

"Totally," Ashley responded.

* * *

"So, where the hell are you from?" Ashley was practically cynical of both Kyle and I as we traveled to the square where everyone seemed to be gathered. We settled on a bench and table, facing each other.

"Texas," Kyle drawled, his hidden accent purposely sliding through.

"Well, I'm from here," Ashley clipped, her ever present north eastern accent evident with each syllable. "You, Bella?" She tapped my foot with her own.

"I've lived in Phoenix, but I moved here from…you've probably never heard of it…" I shook my head, fidgeting with my hands. "Forks, Washington?"

Kyle spit out his water. "Near Seattle? Where all that crazy shit happened last year with that string of unsolved, creep-tastic murders and those giant bears or wolves, or whatever the fuck they were?"

"Yeah," I grimaced. "That's the place."

"Sounds freaking sweet but, I've never heard of it," Ashley said, sipping her drink.

"Isabella Swan?" Someone interrupted.

My eyes widened with confusion as I stood to my feet. "Angela Weber?" I gawked. She grinned. "No way!" I hugged her tightly. She looked different, older; she didn't even have her glasses on. "What are you doing here? I thought you were going to Washington State with Ben?"

"I kind of listened to my mother. She said I shouldn't' go to college romantically involved with someone. So Ben and I broke up and NYU was my second choice. Less rain."

"More snow," I snorted. "So, you let your mom decide for you?"

She shook her head, alarmed. "Oh no, definitely not. Things were unsteady between Ben and I anyways, it was only a matter of time before it ended. But, enough about me…" She waved her hands frantically. "How have you been? I mean…wow." She beamed. "After you left the wedding, I was basically baffled over what happened. Mike Newton told everyone after he overheard me mentioning it to Ben. It was front page news for Forks. I mean, the title 'young bride-to-be runs off on her wedding day,' would rein supreme in a town as small as ours."

I tensed. As expected, Ashley and Kyle were by my side in seconds. "You were at my almost-wedding?" I glanced at Angela, shocked. She nodded.

"What wedding? You were getting married?" Ashley demanded, astounded.

I braced myself as I made my point clear. "You guys have to understand that there will be things in my life that I can't tell you about, okay?" Or, things I won't tell you because you wouldn't believe a thing and you'd check me in to an insane asylum.

"Deal," Kyle and Ashley said in unison, mimicking each other's movements, hands raised in surrender.

There were too many things I couldn't tell them. And, I wasn't even ready to tell Angela, or anyone. I had built walls to guard my heart. It was a struggle, but my barriers would crack if I made public what had happened before I came here…what brought me here. My wounds needed time to heal.

* * *

Angela, Ashley, Kyle, and I were attached at the hip for the next few days. Classes were around the corner, and everywhere I walked, people were handing out flyers, doing some kind of artwork, anything. Angela hung out at our apartment more than her own dorm. I couldn't blame her- she lived in a one room dorm in a communal bathroom dormitory.

I'd only known my roommates for a brief amount of time, but I was becoming more and more comfortable with them. We would stay awake until two in the morning talking and goofing off. We were three completely different people from various walks of life: Shy, secretive, bookish me; out, loud, and proud, Kyle; and preppy, rich, cheerleader Ashley. But the commonalities were there.

It was a chilly, although sunny afternoon, and we'd selected a smoothie shop on campus with Angela. We lounged on a bench outside, while checking out the guys (well, they were, I was only vaguely interested). We could depend on Kyle to denote the winners and losers. "That guy, total shmuck," or "That one, complete jackass. Don't let his tousled hair and chiseled pectorals fool you," or "see the way he looks at her? He doesn't give a fuck what she's saying, he just want to nail her." He kept us thoroughly entertained and expanded our education when it came to the male species.

The shop was a hot spot; I'd never seen such a variety of ethnicities (white, black, Asian, Hispanic, and Greek, so on) in one place.

This was college.

Ashley leaned across the table towards me. The movement jarred me from my thoughts and I snapped my eyes to hers. "That guy is totally checking you out, Bella," she whispered.

I nearly spit out my smoothie. "W-What?" I coughed, choking, as Kyle patted my back.

"Oh, I see." Angela grinned, glancing behind me.

"He's cute…" Kyle perked. I didn't want to follow their eyes. "I know him…sweet guy. He's kind of a nerd, incredibly smart. Definitely not a sleaze."

"That's reassuring," I muttered. "But, I'm not interested."

Ashley pouted. "Bella, you didn't even look at him!" I gave in, just to get them off my back, and wheeled around to see him.

The guy _was_ attractive. He had short, light brown hair, bright baby blue eyes, slightly scruffy face, and beige skin. A guitar case rested in his lap. I wasn't one to judge appearance, since the only two guys I'd ever been interested in were supernatural, awe-inspiring creatures. I didn't want to sound shallow but it was something I couldn't deny. Guitar-guy smiled at me. I couldn't help but grin back to be polite.

"See." Ashley shoved me, playfully, when I faced them again. "That wasn't so bad."

It _was _a start.

* * *

College classes were so different from High School. I was lost on campus my first day and trudged into first block half an hour late, completely embarrassed. I barged into my second class, on time, out of breath, and ended up stumbling down the steps of the auditorium-like room to find a seat. Thankfully, the teacher and others laughed it off. The other two classes followed similarly. I was in school all day, with a break between second and third period. Everyone was friendly, probably because no one knew anyone. In high school, I was so used to cliques that this was refreshing. Not one single group stuck together. The discussions and lectures were engaging, even though I was only enrolled in my basic undergraduate courses. The professors treated us like adults. They'd curse in class, and openly talked about sex, religion, abortion, everything you would never bring to the floor during a seminar, or at all, in high school (that was literature class for you!). In high school, I'd attained college credits from taking AP classes, so I only had one semester as a freshman. I wasn't going to register for summer courses; that time was to be dedicated my job and volunteering at the library. My classes ranged anywhere from 30 to 200 students. It was remarkable. People really were mature, as were the guys, who were finally diverging from being awkward adolescents to men. I was still biased when it came to appearances, but I did look. Deep down, I really was a teenage girl.

My second to last class of the day was a math, which I despised. I entered into the lecture hall, unhappy, and slouched in my seat somewhere in the middle of the enormous room.

A body plopped down beside me. "Hey, I'm Jeremy."

It was the same guy from the plaza the other day. "Bella." I grinned.

"I saw you the other day." He smiled.

"Yeah," I snickered. I was never good at conversing with guys I barely knew, but I gave it a try. "Are you stalking me, now?" I _flirted_ and glanced at him.

He shook his head. "Na, unless, you liked that type of thing in a man."

I shivered. "Oh no, definitely not. I've already had a guy like that." Edward. I didn't recognize his stalker-like tendencies until I reflected back on it during the three months at Autumn's after the 'wedding-that-never-happened.'

"I won't go that far." The professor had begun to lecture and we kept silent.

I inclined towards Jeremy. My chin was in my hand on the rail and his arms were on the sides of his chair.

"So, are you any good at math?"

"Oh yeah." He kept his eyes forward and a smirk formed on his lips before he glanced at me. "Why?"

"Well, I could use a tutor. And yes, I know it's a basic algebra class."

He laughed. "Are you an art major?"

"Literature."

"No shit? I'm majoring in Music." We were half paying attention, occasionally jotting information down.

I indicated his guitar case. "Do you play?"

"It's my passion."

I suppose college _was _changing me. I'd never spoken with people like this on first days. My roommates were rubbing off on me, as well as my old friends from La Push. I blanched. _Don't go there, Bella_. At least I wasn't a wall flower anymore. I was actually associating with humans and it felt nice. I knew the Volturi were a threat, but in the mean time, I did need to surround myself with normal beings like myself.

"I'm actually so smart, it's embarrassing." Jeremy laughed nervously, tugging me from my thoughts.

"So, you're a geek?" I quipped. He stifled a laugh, nodding. "You should be a business major or something."

"Way too boring." We actually paid attention to the teacher for a full half hour. I was utterly lost, staring at my paper, while Jeremy was already working on his homework. The professor had a very thick, Japanese accent. It was hard not to giggle.

"She's adorable. But, I can't understand a word she's staying."

"Decimals, probabilities, equations…" Jeremy mocked the teacher's accent. I cupped my mouth, snickering. Thankfully, she didn't notice.

"Knock it off." I gently slapped him, registering for the first time how his skin felt. It was the same temperature as mine.

A male's touch not being feverish or cold? It was new to me.

* * *

"You work there?" I addressed Jeremy, nodding towards the Chik-fil-a in the Student Union building, swallowing a sip of my soda.

He paused, hitching his bag over his shoulder before glancing at me. He elbowed me. "Don't diss. I'm a college student." He spoke over his shoulder as the maze of tables and students forced me to walk slightly behind him. "You take whatever job you can."

"But, a fast food restaurant?" I arched an eyebrow.

"Where do you work?" He joked. I glared; I'd told him earlier. "See," he said, smiling. "We both live on campus, therefore we both search for jobs on campus."

We exited the building, meeting the cool afternoon air. Jeremy held the door for me. Chivalry wasn't dead.

He'd shown me the campus after my last class ended. We'd literally run into each other. Okay, Icollided with _him_, because I was distracted by something in a nearby breezeway. Students were advertising campus jobs and events, sororities and fraternities, clubs too.

"You seem like you know you're way around." I moved to his side. "Are you a junior or something?"

"I'm a second semester freshman. You know your way around after the first few months."

I heard the Kings of Leon song 'Crawl' coming from the crowded courtyard we were approaching. "Live music too?"

"It's welcome week. Indie bands come here and sing popular sounds of the more mainstream bands."

"You should try it." I gestured towards the stage as we got closer.

He chuckled. "You haven't even heard me sing."

"You sing too?" I smirked, fascinated, as we continued, scanning the various booths.

He blushed. "Yeah."

"I'd like to hear you play, if it's not too rude." I toyed with a necklace for sale at the crafts booth, feeling like I'd offended him

"Someday."

We'd chatted easily throughout the day and I realized I wanted to get to know him better. I touched his arm. He faced me. "Why don't you come eat with my roommates and my friend Angela tonight? I'd love your company."

I was working on renewing my life. Yes, the crater in my chest would always be there; I didn't think anything could fill it. But, even to have my heart mended around the edges would be acceptable…something I could live with.

* * *

_June- end of Bella's first semester _

I'd successfully survived my first semester at NYU, aced my classes, passed my finals, and grown close to Ashley, Kyle, Jeremy, and Angela. But not too close, as I'd been warned. They were friends; I couldn't call any of them my best friends. Each one of them had several acquaintances of their own and I spoke with my classmates in class; it felt like I'd met a new person each day.

As much as I didn't want to think about _him_, I owed my new found confidence and communication skills to _Jacob_, and partially to my old friends in the west.

And tonight, I was going to meet more people. Our apartment was having a Mixer, a sort of party the residence assistants throw so the students can intermingle. I'd convinced Jeremy to go even though he wasn't living in our apartment building. I wasn't looking forward to it; I yearned to sit in my room and relax; finals had worn me out, but Ashley and Kyle insisted with their puppy dog eyes, fake tears, and adorable expressions (I began to suspect they were separated at birth), so I agreed to go for a little while.

Ashley banged on my door. I jumped. "Bella! Let's go! Hot guys! Hello!"

"Coming," I yelled in response. "Just…hold on." I shuffled through my drawer, avoiding my closet where all of the nice clothes Autumn purchased me were located. "What do I wear?" I called out.

"Something cute! I'm sick of seeing you in jeans, t-shirts, and sweatshirts! Where the hell is that lithe, sexy body hiding?" She taunted through the door.

I flushed from head to toe. "Ashley! I'm wearing jeans, okay?"

"Can you at least wear a blouse and some light makeup? You never dress up! And you're so pretty too!"

I heard Kyle shout in agreement from down the hall.

I paused. "Fine, but nothing extreme, alright?"

"It already sounds better than what you usually wear!" She giggled. I reluctantly tugged my forest green, button up blouse over my arms. It revealed a sliver of skin between the hem of the shirt and jeans. I yanked it down. It didn't budge. "Shit."Did my breasts actually get _bigger_?Fucking hell.

Truth be told, I hadn't felt like dressing up since I was with…Jacob. My stomach clenched and I breathed to quell the ache before I applied some makeup, plastered a fake smile on my face, and strode to the front door. Ashley hugged me the second she saw me. "We're late." She reached for my hand. Kyle idled in the door way, looking dashing in a white, sequined suit.

"You're wearing that to the mixer?" I said, amused.

"I have to stick out, baby." He posed.

"You already stand out; you have no shame when it comes to bold colors and outfits," I teased, whisking past him through the door after Ashley.

I sighed, relieved, when I spotted Jeremy, dressed in jeans and a solid, dark blue t-shirt, waiting for us outside. There was a community center up the road, where the Mixer would be. "Hey." I grinned and gave him a friendly hug he reciprocated with equal amounts of 'I'm happy to see you.'

I followed cautiously behind them, with Ashley and Kyle in the lead. The place was packed; dimmed lights hovered above, food and refreshments tables lay in a few corners. "I am so thankful you're here, by the way," I shouted to Jeremy over 'Paper Planes' blaring through the speakers.

He stepped back to walk beside me. "Yeah, but we have to split."

I sulked. "Seriously?" I crossed my arms.

"Sweetie," Kyle crooned. "It's a mixer, which means we _mix_." His characteristic toothy smile appeared.

"Fine," I groaned.

He clasped my arm. "Look at all these guys," he whistled as his eyes scanned the room.

Ashley flanked his other side and we stood in a semi-circle. "I know…Oh." Ashley eyes zeroed in on a blond, dressed sophisticated. "He's mine." She headed towards him.

Kyle stopped her with his hand. "Uh uh, honey. He's _mine_."

Ashley's shoulders sagged. "He's gay, right?" She said, defeated and peeved

"Yep," Kyle sighed dramatically. "See ya!" He retreated into the crowd and made a beeline to the guy. "Call me if you need me!"

Ashley hugged me. "I'm off; catch you in an hour up front. I spy fraternity boys…" She chuckled before playfully hitting my rear as she passed me. I rolled my eyes as she adjusted her chest, enhancing her cleavage. She made goo-goo eyes at the guys, touching them as she talked to them, smiling brightly.

Jeremy spoke out of the corner of his mouth, angling his head towards me. "Is she always like that?"

I sniggered. "Definitely. She flirts at school, but that blue mini-dress doesn't leave much to the imagination."

"She does have nice legs." Jeremy stroked his chin.

"You aren't her type."

"And she's not my type either." There was this look in his eyes when he stared at me, but I ignored it. "I'm off to play Guitar Hero," he said hastily. "Do you want to?"

"Actually, I'm parched, but I'll catch up to you later."

He backed away. "Avoid the punch," he advised. "I had some earlier. It's already spiked."

"Water bottle it is then." He waved before joining the congregation in front of the mega flat screen TV. I roamed to the refreshment table, jostling through the crowd as 'Poker Face' started. Bottled waters were submerged in ice cold water on a table beside the snacks. After taking a sip, I began to tighten the cap only to have a body ram against me, propelling me against the table. I doubled over, sloshing water all over my shirt. Thank God it wasn't a white one. I grasped the edge of my shirt and a handful of napkins. "I'm so, so sorry. I told her not to drink before we came here," a female apologized.

The first person I saw was an exotic looking, naturally tanned girl, with dark brown hair and blue-green eyes kneeled over with her friend's hands around her waist, supporting her. I shook my head. "It's okay, really," I patted my shirt with a napkin before glancing at the girl behind my assaulter. "It's just water…I…"

Holy shit. Just when I'd been doing well, _she_ has to show up, when I never thought I'd see _her_ again. I'm good at remembering faces and I craved to say 'fuck it all' for a reminder of my past to be thrown back in my face.

She was clothed in all black- sweater, jeans, boots, and knitted hat. Light blue eyes, blond hair. _Lana_. How the hell did she end up attending college with me? What did the Fates want to happen to me now?

"Vanessa's like this. I'm really sorry, usually she has more coordination." She beamed. "She…well, _we_ usually wait until things kick off to have some drinks."

"You're not drunk through." Vanessa glared at her and almost tumbled forward.

"No, I'm not, because I'm smart," she emphasized. "Ryan, can you take care of her?" Lana said to someone in the corner. "What the fuck ever," Lacrosse-boy reached for Vanessa, who giggled into his armpit, slumping forward as he dragged her away.

She turned her attention back to me. "Do, I know you? I feel like I've seen you before."

I shook my head vigorously. "No, not at all. We don't have any classes together." I smiled, tight-lipped, to hide my lie.

She moved in closer. "No, I think I have. You look different. I remember you were dressed a little…provocative, actually." She scrunched her nose.

I stopped myself from rolling my eyes. "It must have been with someone else."

Her eyes lit up. "No, you were with Jacob!" That fucking stupid, painful hole in my chest ruptured again at the sound of his name. "He's a friend of a friend." She titled her head and her eyes were suspicious. "You're not seeing him anymore are you?"

I chewed on my lower lip, lungs compressing. "Nope."

"That's a shame." I could hear the fake sympathy in her voice. "He's a good catch…but hey, you most likely slept with him, that's enough." She chewed seductively on her lower lip. How could such a seemingly promiscuous girl remember what it was like with one guy?

I squeezed my eyes shut. "Can you not talk about him like he's a piece of meat, please?" Tears formed in my eyes.

"Do you want me to stop talking about that, or just not talk about him at all?" She was purposely insulting me.

"This conversation is over." I gritted my teeth. "Nice to see you." I turned on my heel.

"You'll see more of me because I live in the apartment directly next to yours." Just what I needed.

I hadn't discussed Jacob with anyone, at all. Now, my thoughts were consumed with him and the tears were impending. I didn't want to think about him. It hurt too much. I did the first thing that came to mind. "Jeremy." I tugged on his sleeve as he gleefully played Guitar Hero.

"You've finally come to challenge me?"

I couldn't help but laugh slightly. "No…besides, you already beat me at the game in my apartment."

"You're no fun." His eyes concentrated on the screen. The song ended and he raised his hand, beckoning applause.

"Do you want to get out of here?" I said, urgently. Our eyes linked. "I need to get some fresh air. The night's over for me."

He leaped off the elevated floor in front of the enormous screen. "Sure."

As soon as the cool breeze grazed my face, I relaxed and exhaled.

"You want to tell me what's going on?" Jeremy met my strides as I paced relentlessly back to the apartment, hands in my pockets, eyes to the ground. He bumped my shoulder with his arm. "Hey," he ducked his head.

I forced a smile. "It's nothing. I just don't need to be alone right now. But, I don't need to be near her either," I growled.

"Whoa, who?" He walked backwards ahead of me.

"An old memory, that's all." I shrugged, as if it was no big deal, when in reality it was.

"Uh huh," he said, not believing me, before he strolled properly beside me. "Did you text Kyle and Ashley? They might question where we are."

I quickly typed a message to the both of them. '_Went back to the apartment with Jeremy. Not what you think._' "It's done." I closed the door to my apartment behind us. "Why don't you play a song for me?"

His eyes darted around the room, as if he was looking for something. "Shit, Lily, there you are," he cooed. He picked up his guitar leaning against the couch.

"You talk to your guitar?" I suppressed a laugh.

"You can't honestly say you don't talk to inanimate objects." The corners of his lips curved upwards.

"When I was a child, maybe…" He followed me into my bedroom. I left the door wide open and lay on my side at the head of the bed, propping my head on my hand. He sat near the foot.

He blushed. "You better not make fun of me." His voice cracked. It was kind of cute…

"I'm your friend, right? I won't judge." I changed my position, so I rested on my back.

He pondered for a second. "How about a Beatles cover? 'Something,' the _Across the Universe_ version?"

"I loved that movie; Ashley made me watch it. Go ahead. I want to hear it."

"It's too soon in our relationship to play my own songs for you," he teased.

I laughed sarcastically. "One or two verses; I promise I won't pressure you for more."

He strummed the guitar, fingers delicately plucking each chord. He _was_ talented and I was instantly drawn to the sound.

_Something in the way she moves,_

_Attracts me like no other lover._

_Something in the way she woos me._

_I don't want to leave her now,_

_You know I believe in how._

He finished, slowly playing the last note. I applauded and he bowed, standing to his feet."That was really good. You have a beautiful singing voice."

He placed the guitar back into the case before returning to his seat. "How about I tell you a secret?"

I jerked my head up. My eyes narrowed. "Okay." I hesitated, bewildered.

"You tell me something you've never told anyone, and I'll tell you something no one knows about me."

I shook my head and my nerves shot everywhere. "Oh, no. I have quite a few secrets."

"Well, it's no fun if I can't guess the other ones. It makes it exciting. Just tell me one." He held up his finger to elaborate

What could I tell him that wouldn't give away my deepest, darkest secret? I used to run with wolves and chill with vampires (ha ha), and I fell in love with one guy from both species too. I didn't want to dig into my past. But, I felt close to him; I trusted him. I didn't know what he'd think if I told him what I planned to.

I twiddled my fingers. "I've cried myself to sleep every night since I moved here," I whispered. It was the one thing I kept from my roommates who _lived_ with me. I dared a glance at him and he gaped at me. "Sometimes," I laughed nervously. "Sometimes, it's just silent tears that stream down my face, other times it's whimpering, and the occasional time, when a thoughthits real hard, it's an all out sob fest that I usually have to muffle with my pillow and blankets." I stood up and paced. His eyes followed my movements. "Then, I wake up the next morning…" I twirled my bracelet on my wrist, Jake's bracelet, willing the tears away again. "I wake up, and I put on makeup to conceal it." I crossed my arms over my chest, hoping to ease the ever present ache in my heart. I met his eyes, and he stared at me, dumbfounded. "I don't let anyone know…I dodge questions. Truth is I'm not the happiest person. In fact, I haven't been truly happy since before I came here. I remember it perfectly; it was a moment on December 23rd." I studied the floor. "Since then? Nope," I shook my head solemnly.

Wordlessly, he got to his feet and pulled me into his arms. I wrapped my arms around his back and leaned my head against his chest. The comfort I'd longed for felt nice and my heaving stomach and pounding heart alleviated; the tears forming didn't spill. "I'm sorry," he whispered into my hair before I unlatched myself from him. "I notice that. When you see couples, you look away and you get this longing, fucking depressing look in your eyes. Your smile…" He pointed to my mouth. "It doesn't reach your eyes. I knew something was wrong. I didn't know it was because of a guy."

I almost gasped. "How did you know it was a guy? Does everyone notice?"

"I'm sure they do. We don't say anything. Why exactly do you cry though?" He said before collapsing onto my bed. "What happened?"

I sat down next to him. "I don't want to talk about it. It hurts too much."

"Then maybe that's why you need to."

I shook my head. "No." He didn't push any further. I smiled bitterly. "You're next."

He flushed and scratched the back of his neck. "I don't think it's the right time."

I arched an eyebrow and grinned. "You promised."

"Well, it might cheer you up." He smiled. "Hopefully," he added under his breath.

"Go ahead." I faced him and crossed my legs, leaning forward with my chin in my hand.

He gazed into my eyes. "Here goes nothing…I like you, a lot."

My face fell. Shocked, I sat up abruptly. "Like, _like_?"

"Yeah, _really_ like."

I buried my head in my hands. "Please, pleasetell me you aren't in love with me." I ran my fingers through my hair.

"No definitely not." I willed myself to meet his eyes. "At first, it was a 'oh, hey, cute girl, let me sit next to her,' and then I got to know you and we became friends and…yeah, I've realized I've had feelings for you for about a month now." He bit his lip and faced the wall.

"Huh," I breathed, unsure of what to say.

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back. "And now, you're about to kick me out because you don't feel the same way."

"No," I said promptly, stilling him with my hands. "No. I-I do like you, you're a great friend. I just…" I swallowed and breathed deeply. "I can't like you like _that_."

"Oh, this makes me feel loads better." He stood to his feet in a rush. I followed him, stumbling over my trunk before catching him in the doorway.

"Let me explain. I want to. I do want to have feelings for someone else. Just not right now. It's too soon. " A brief, uncomfortable silence passed. I attempted to explain to him in a low voice, right above a whisper. "Before I came here, I was in a very serious relationship. A man I was so in love with that leaving him literally took a chunk out of my heart. He was my best friend and now…" I choked back a sob. "We're nothing. I did something unforgiveable, said things I wish I could take back, but I can't. I was going to be with this guy forever, Jeremy, and I don't think I'll ever get over him, honestly."

He motioned towards the tribal bracelet with the wolf carving on my wrist that I wore every day. "Did he give that to you, by any chance?"

I nodded. "I pretty much abandoned my family, friends, and him." I felt the smooth texture of the wolf charm between my fingers. Our eyes connected again. "Until, I can…move on, or put everything behind me, I just, I can't date someone else. It's unfair to you if I'm with you and my heart has no room for another man to occupy it. You don't deserve that."

"How about this?" A smile formed on his lips. "When you're ready, you come tell me and I'll take you on a date. Nothing fancy and something you want to do."

I smiled. "I'd like that. But, it'll be a while. I don't want you to wait for me to make up my mind. I want you to date other girls, have fun, I mean, it's college." I laughed.

"Fine." He smirked. "And if you decide you want to give it a shot, come find me, and if I'm single, I won't turn you down."

I nodded. "I will. And, I'm sorry, but thank you for understanding." I gave him a small grin. He hugged me, squeezing me tightly. I changed the subject. "So tutor session this Monday night, as usual?"

"You got it. Bring your brain," he pointed to my head, "and we'll pass this test." I chuckled and escorted him through the front door. I sunk into the couch as soon as he was gone, tucking my knees to my chest and rocking back and forth.

Jeremy was a possibility; in fact, he'd probably be a fantastic boyfriend. He was talented, sweet, easy going, a super- scientist and mathematician…he was an all around good guy.

But there was one problem. My heart was elsewhere. It was something I couldn't forget, or possess again so easily since I was still in love with someone else, despite everything.

Which all concluded to the biggest guilt-ridden issue of all: Jeremy was not Jacob_._

_But you always find a way_

_To keep me right here waiting_

_You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting_

_And if I chose to walk away you would be right here waiting_

_Searching for the things to say to keep me right here waiting_

* * *

(A/N: Photos ofBella's room/apartment, as well Ashley and Kyle's room, and Bella's outfit to the Mixer, Kyle, Ashley, Vanessa, Angela, and Jeremy are in my photo bucket account/Jacob-Black-n-Pack group for this story. (Yes, I like making my cast beautiful…sorry. I only had to make sure Jeremy was just cute, and, you know, _human_, and not OHMYGODSOSPARKLYLIKEAVAMPIRE…OR HOTSEXYSEXYLIKEAWEREWOLF) ;D)


	18. Past

Disclaimer: I don't own what you recognize. Lyrics: Iris- Goo Goo Dolls

(**A/N**: Thanks for the reviews, alerts, and faves! This particular year begins in August, about 8 months after Bella leaves Forks for NYC and ends in May/June, about a year and a half following her departure. I also have no idea if NYU has a Greek row, but whatever…this is fiction! _**PAY ATTENTION TO THE DATES AND POVS.**_)

* * *

**Chapter 16: Past **

_New York University/New York City_

_Sophomore Year_

_(Bella's POV)_

Now that I was beginning to take courses for my major, I was seeing familiar faces regularly. My circle of friends, consisting of Ashley, Kyle, Angela, and Jeremy, expanded to include Angela's new roommate, Tiffany, a gorgeous red head with emerald green eyes. She had a goofy laugh, was charismatic, involved in every club imaginable, and was studying to become a professional singer with a concentration in opera. We'd attended her recitals and were blown away by such a strong, beautiful voice. She and Angela were best friends the moment they met.

Another member of our 'group,' included Alicia, a sexy, curvy, dark-skinned girl. She was studying to become a writer or literature professor, like me (still undecided), so we bonded in our classes together. She had a cranky attitude to those she didn't know, but once you did know her, she was friendly and downright hilarious.

I'd avoided Lana like the plague, but when you lived in the same building as someone, it was difficult to shun them completely. She made it a point to spat snide remarks. It pissed me off, but I never said a thing and chose to ignore her.

When it came to my new friends, there was still a fine line between being close, and being too close, and revealing little and too much. I did tell them about my relationship with Edward, excluding the whole vampire thing and the 'oh, he left me' part, which would involve mentioning Jacob, which I avoided at all costs. I mentioned my friends, and talked about my family. I was still a mystery to them, as Ashley, Kyle, and Jeremy commented on a regular basis.

As a sort of opportunity for all of us to hang out, Ashley proposed an impromptu shopping trip to the trendy, expensive SoHo district for the day. Kyle and I immediately agreed; Christmas was just around the corner so shopping was necessary. I didn't look forward to the holiday, but I continued with my façade and pretended I was as excited as everyone else.

The fact was though, that the one year anniversary of two of the most monumental dates in my life, were approaching, including the day I left Forks.

Which also meant that the day Ashley had chose to go shopping, in which everyone, Angela, Jeremy, Kyle, Alicia, and I were able to go (Tiffany was with her family for the weekend; she had a few guests to tend to) was December 5th. The day I'd given everythingto Jacob. I chose to go because the last thing I needed was to think about that night. The ache in my heart had waned over the past few months, but now it was as pronounced as ever.

Ashley and Kyle bought things from SoHo every few weeks, but I made it clear I was not a fan of shopping.

Jeremy and I hid inside one of the bookstores, reading novels in the humor section for a good hour before meeting up with the others. I left that store with a tote in my hand; Ashley and Kyle couldn't complain: I _had_ bought something. They won the contest for having the most packages. I'd never seen people buy so many things in my life. We surrounded the makeup counters in Bloomingdales, the girls trying out different colors, as Kyle offered input. Jeremy and I snuck over to the jewelry section. I playfully got in his way several times as he observed a section of pricy watches, which ended in fits of laughter.

"Holy shit," Ashley shrieked. I spun around to see her and Kyle whispering to each other and looking at something at the necklace counter.

"Do you think I should ask what moisturizer that bronze goddess uses?" Kyle gaped. Jeremy and I exchanged bewildered looks, eyebrows raised. "Her skin is perfect," Kyle purred.

"Um, what?" I interrupted.

Angela crushed herself between Kyle and I. "That's Tiffany with them! And I think the miniature brunette is her friend."

"Why haven't you said hi?" Alicia said, irritated.

"Probably because she's too entranced by that ridiculously cute, fucking tall guy next to Tiffany." Ashley giggled.

I froze and refused to direct my eyes to the people they were talking about. 'Tiny brunette,' 'bronze goddess,' and 'tall, cute guy,' sounded all too familiar.

"Tiffany!" Angela pushed past the others. "I didn't expect to see you here!"

Tiffany receded from her embrace. "I thought I told you? This is my friend by the way, she brought her, um, boyfriend, I think?" She scratched her head as she pointed in the general vicinity of the people I wouldn't look at. "And his sister."

"Where did they come from?" Kyle said, still stunned.

"Washington."

Jeremy urged me to join the others, but I wouldn't budge.

"Oh my God! I love your shirt!" A familiar voice squealed and a petite frame approached Ashley.

"I was going to say the same thing about your dress!" Ashley smiled. "I'm digging your style. H & M, right?"

That's when I lifted my eyes. Brooke, who was dressed in a shawl, tights, and a dress, was gawking at Ashley's outfit. "How did you know?"

"Same mind stream, duh! You are totally my shopping alter ego for the day," Ashley cupped her mouth, squeaking.

"Oh, I'd love to," Brooke pouted. "But we leave tomorrow."

"Brooke and I went to high school together," Tiffany explained to the others, grinning. So _that's_ where I recognized her from.

"Please," Kyle pleaded, head bowed in prayer. "Introduce me to them…" He gestured in the direction Brooke came from. I didn't dare look.

"Seth!" Brooke yelled.

Oh fuck. I disguised myself further behind Jeremy.

"What?" Seth bellowed. His voice sounded deeper.

"Get over here! You too, Leah."

Double fuck. Jeremy glared at me, puzzled, but didn't move.

"I'm window shopping here, Brooke," Leah snapped.

"Do I look like I give a shit?" Brooke crossed her arms. Leah rolled her eyes and followed her brother.

Ashley stared at Seth. "Whoa…just…_whoa_…you're…tall."

Brooke smiled protectively. "Hon, I like you and all, but he's with me."

Seth draped his arm around her. "Hey now, don't be rude." Was she his girlfriend now?

Angela studied Seth. "I remember you! And you!" She shouted, startling everyone, as she motioned to Seth, then Brooke.

Seth inspected her and his eyes widened in recognition. "Shit yeah! You were at the wedding."

Brooke looked perplexed. "What wedding?" Then her mouth formed into an 'O'. "_That_ wedding."

Then Ashley did the unthinkable. I saw her angle towards me and I shrunk back behind Jeremy. "Jeremy?"

"Hmmm?"

"Where the hell is Bella? She should meet these guys."

"Did you just say…Bella?" Leah hissed.

"Bella? Bella who?" Seth said, sounding confused.

I squeezed my eyes shut and raised my hand. "Right here," I muttered before revealing myself. I blinked my eyes open to see Brooke gaping at me, Seth wide eyed, and Leah glaring.

"You know each other?" Alicia asked, confounded.

"Yeah…" I inched forward, squishing my body between Jeremy and Angela.

"Bella didn't tell you?" Leah began, sarcastic. "We live on the Quileute reservation outside where she used to live."

"No, she didn't." Jeremy glanced down at me, disappointed, eyeing my bracelet. I mouthed an apology to him.

"You're Native American?" Kyle said in disbelief. "Is that why your skin is so flawless?"

Seth snapped out of his daze. "Kind of." He grinned.

"Why are you here?" I addressed them, accidently sounding a bit angry.

Brooke stared at my hands, befuddled, before our eyes met. "I personally came to shop and visit Tiffany. But, I'm also planning on moving to the Upper East Side one day, so I was checking out the area."

They were not happy to see me. There was no reunion hug, no remorse for me in their eyes. It was painful. The wound was still on the surface.

Seth's eyes were dark as he frowned at me. He grinned at Brooke. "I didn't want her to be alone." He flushed. Imprint, of course.

"You are so fucking cute." Alicia patted his cheek. "Are there more where you came from?" Kyle nodded his head enthusiastically in agreement.

"Plenty," I said as my eyes focused on the floor.

"The next time you go to Forks, you have to bring us along," Ashley insisted.

"Wait," Leah interrupted, peeved. "The next time?"

"Uh, yeah," Kyle said, looking at her like she was insane. "You didn't know? She visited her dad this past summer and saw him for Thanksgiving."

"No," Leah's eyes bored fucking holes into my own. "She didn't." Her nose twitched. She'd inhaled my scent. Her eyes widened. "She didn't mention a lot of things." She caught a glimpse of my hands, uncovered, no ring in sight.

"So, why are you here?" Angela noticed the tension between Leah and I. "Just to annoy your brother?"

Leah fake smiled. "These two," she wrapped her arms around Seth and Brooke, "were caught making out one night, weeks or so ago."

Seth blushed. "Sis…come one."

Her eyes scanned over everyone's face, apart from mine, as she told her story, this time grinning realistically. "So, I came along to make sure these two kept their hands to themselves."

"Oh my God, Leah, it was my fault." Brooke slapped her arm.

"Sure, but Seth-y here…" She rapped the back of his head. He muttered an 'ouch.'"…Is a boy and I know what he thinks about her." Yeah, she really **did** know what he thought about.

"We crashed in the hotel room." Seth laughed. "On separate beds," his voice rose and he punched Leah's stomach.

"She made us push the beds to opposite sides of the room." Brooke rolled her eyes.

"The last thing I need is you getting knocked up," Leah scolded her. "My mother would have a fit. So," she sighed dramatically, "I slept on the floor…"

"…between us." Seth glared at her and crossed his arms.

Kyle sniggered. "Poor, poor things."

"So you guys know Bella?" Jeremy had to ask. I went to stomp on his foot, only to stub my toe against his boots and flinch in pain. I cursed under my breath.

"We were old friends," Seth answered, looking at me once as he emphasized 'were.'

Brooke snickered. "Like years old."

"We were never friends," Leah growled. I visibly recoiled at the tone in her words and turned my head away. What had all that 'we're more alike than you think' stuff been about? Was she back to hating me again?

Jeremy acknowledged my discomfort. "Okay, obviously we missed something, so we're… moving along now. But it was great meeting you." They said their goodbyes. I excused myself to the bathroom, too upset to continue further. I'd never been treated so horribly. Was this what they thought of me now? Even Seth, who was always happy-go-lucky, seemed like he wanted to bash my head in.

I splashed my face with cool water and leaned against the counter, breathing deeply. "I thought you were with the bloodsucker?" Leah's irate voice caused me to jump as I caught sight of her in the mirror. I glanced around, alarmed. She rolled her eyes. "No one's in here, Bella. I would have known. Wolf sense, you know?" She pointed stiffly to her ears.

"Leah, I can't talk about it."

"I watched you before you knew we were there," she said, tersely. "You seemed pretty cozy with Jeremy to be in a relationship with _Edward_," the animosity seeped through as she said his name. "And you're wearing Jacob's bracelet."

"Leah." I gritted my teeth. "I _can't_tell you. I won't say it again."

"Oh…" She stepped forward. "Because, after you left, it sure seemed like you were with him."

I hesitated. "Is he…H-How is everyone? I-Is Jake okay?"

"You have no right to know what we're doing, or how we're doing." She was in my face, suddenly, jaw clenched. "You don't know us anymore. You aren't a part of _this_ family."

"Leah, stop, please," I begged, tears pooling in my eyes.

"No. And yes, Jacob's fine. He moped for about a week, never left his house, only to patrol, before I arranged an intervention with the pack when Alpha-boy was sleeping. Embry and I cornered him. I told him he needed to man up and get the fuck over it if he was going to command a pack properly. I don't censor what I say." Oh, I know, Leah. "Embry's his best friend. He talked some sense into him. The next day he was on his feet again, living life accordingly. Also, we have to thank Rachel, who chose to stay home longer for him. Rebecca, although she was having problems with her husband, had intended to spend Christmas with him, actually called him and convinced him to fly up to Port Angeles pronto so she could also stay longer. It's called support, Bella, and Jacob has a lot of that. His thoughts give him away occasionally, but he's so much stronger now than before. I actually thanked Sam for making him Alpha before you left, instead of after. You can't rule when you're unstable. Jake's a fucking brick wall now."

"That's good." I was trembling. I was on the verge of tears.

"But it's not your business. You aren't a friend, a sister, or a lover anymore."

I didn't say anything. I glanced upwards to the ceiling and tugged on my hair's roots, willing my glassy, tear-filled eyes away. I took a deep breath before facing her. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it, Bella," she snarled, crossing her arms. "Whatever the hell you're hiding it can stay that way. What's done is done. You can't alter what you did and what you said. So, I advise you to stay out of our lives, which you've been doing a pretty swell job at. Brooke, Seth, and I knew you were in New York, nearby, but we didn't want to see you. We didn't even intend to run into you like we did." A person strode into the bathroom. Leah and I backed away from each other, looking as casual as possible, before Leah exited through the door.

When I returned to the store after I redid my makeup to mask my tears, my NYU friends were waiting for me. Leah, Brooke, and Seth had vanished.

* * *

_New Years Eve_

After the encounter with Leah, Brooke, and Seth, my friends knew something was wrong, but I was too unnerved to say anything. Was this what it would be like from now on, every time I saw one of my friends from La Push?

Ashley informed me weeks later that we'd been invited to a New Year's Party at one of the fraternities on campus, as well as Angela, Alicia, and Tiffany. It was one of _those_ parties, where the girls outnumber the guys.

It had been over a year since I'd left Washington.

My friends had figured out I hadn't come to New York on good terms, and kept me occupied so I couldn't think too much. Thinking always hurt when it came to me.

We were gathered in Ashley's bright pink room, dressing for the evening. Kyle was already downtown for the New Years. This would be the first time in over a year I'd taken the time to dress up for something. I was still straying from sexyas much as I could. It was already a burden to look nice; it took a lot of work. I hadto dress up, everyone else was. I needed to blend. And my friends were glamorous. Ashley wore a white, strapless, short, slim-fitting dress. Angela was clothed in a black, purple, and grey ruffled piece. Tiffany had a deep green, floor length dress that matched her eyes, her hair in perfect curls. Alicia's apparel was a tiny, venetian red gown that barely covered her shapely behind. I opted for a simple black, strapless dress and a blue sweater. I blow dried my hair and emphasized my eyes with mascara, eye shadow, and eyeliner. I felt awkward as I watched my friends shuffling around and adjusting each other's outfits; it reminded me of that night I went with 'my girls' to the club in Port Angeles.

"Look what I have." Ashley reached under her bed and emerged with a large bottle of coconut rum and several shot glasses. She poured one for everyone and passed them around.

"Showing up to a party drunk…how classy," Angela said, worried.

Ashley beckoned with her glass. "Just one shot for everyone."

Angela rolled her eyes and snatched the shot glass. "Fine."

Alicia grinned and took hers. "It keeps our blood pumping."

"I'll pass." Tiffany shooed the offending drink away. "You know I don't drink."

"Boring," Ashley teased. "Two for me then. Bella?" She handed me one.

I shook my head. "I-I don't know." The last time I got drunk, I had been a bit …touchy-feely, from what the Pack and my old friends' accounts told me. "Fuck it," I said and plucked the glass from her grip. I didn't want to think about them. I had no reason to remember this night. Let the alcohol wash away the pain.

"Cheers." We all raised our glasses and downed the shots. I reached for my neck, squeezing my eyes shut as the liquid burned my throat. I coughed. I forgot about the slow burn.

Ashley pranced forward. "Let's go."

* * *

There were cars and people crammed down the road of Greek row. The particular Mediterranean style, two-story fraternity we were going to was packed. We trudged through the grass and up the slight inclination of the terrain. People were lounging everywhere, having a good time, loud. Streamers and decorations hung from every tree and along the house.

For the remainder of the night, Angela chatted with a few guys and friends, Alicia was constantly on the dance floor, Tiffany flitted around, engaging in conversation with everyone, and Ashley chugged drinks all night (she had a high tolerance_, _that's for sure), danced, talked with guys; I even spied her making out with a senior against a wall.

I stood by the punch bowl, drinking cup after cup. I felt dizzy and stumbled around. Jeremy was in the corner conversing with his friends, beer in hand. I collapsed against him after tripping over nothing. "Bella?"

"Hey," I hiccupped.

He rolled his eyes and supported me as I attempted to stagger elsewhere. "Jesus fucking Christ, are you drunk?"

"No-No…" I slurred. "Why would you think that?" My hands trailed up his chest unwillingly.

He stopped their movements. "Bella, did you drink the punch?"

I nodded. "I think so…"

Some fraternity guys snickered. Jeremy scowled at them. "It's a party, Bella. You avoid punch at all costs."

"I'm sorry." I became emotional and wandered away.

He followed after me. "You really shouldn't be walking around, wasted, and alone," he joked. He reached for my arm. I wriggled from his grasp.

I tripped over someone's foot. Jeremy caught me by the waist just as I hit the ground. I wormed my way free from his hold and traveled back to the punch table, the music from the speakers suddenly too loud. I fell against the table and fished for another drink, sloshing liquid on me. Jeremy nabbed the drink from my fingers "I think you've had enough."

I snatched the cup back. "I said, I'm fine," I snapped. "Whoa," I clutched my head, feeling dizzy. I batted Jeremy's hand away. "Don't tell me what to do." I marched on. My blurry eyes focused on a distinct figure in a midnight blue, metallic mini-dress flirting with a group of guys. "You_,_" I roared.

"Oh shit," Ashley sighed from nearby, watching the action unfold.

I handed my drink blindly to Angela who had raced to my side. "Hold this." I'd shoved it towards her so hard that she leaned back, clutching it in both hands. "Not a good idea, Bella," Angela said, concerned.

I swiveled back to Lana, ignoring Angela. "I have a few things to say to you." Her head kept dissipating into two. I shut my eyes, head throbbing, before I opened my eyes again and concentrated on her face (one now).

"Bella, do you even know her?" I heard Alicia shout. Great, I had an audience. Idiot.

"Yes, she fucked my boyfriend…ex…ex-boyfriend, yeah." I pointed at Lana, swaying slightly.

Ashley was thunderstruck, probably more so over my choice of words. "Whoa."

Lana rolled her eyes. "That was years ago."

"So what!" I shouted, unable to control my emotions. The alcohol was affecting me.

"Oh my God, you are so shit-faced. How would you even know?"

"You know what I'm talking about." I shoved her hard. I actually had quite a bit of physical strength when I was drunk, oddly.

"Catfight!" Someone howled. Fucking great.

"Yes, I do," Lana answered, smoothing her dress down and inspecting her nails. "Do you lash out at everyone when you're drunk?"

"I-I hate seeing you! I don't want to think about him!" Word vomit. Now my friends would hammer me with questions.

"Get over it!"

I lunged at her and we collided with the couch, hair pulling, nails scratching. "I hate you!" I clawed at her as Jeremy yanked me away from behind, arms encircling my waist, firmly. "We're taking you home, now," he demanded, teeth grating.

I was escorted by Jeremy and Angela outside. As soon as the noise became faint as we ambled back to my apartment, I apologized. Both of my arms were around their shoulders.

"That's a side of you I thought I'd never see," Angela said.

"No more alcohol for you," Jeremy sighed as he lifted me up the stairs and we boarded the elevator.

"Happy New Year?" I slurred, closing my eyes.

"Not yet," Angela said. "And you are not bringing in the New Year this year."

"I didn't mean to," I said, sounding sleepy as they laid me in my bed. Jeremy removed my shoes and Angela propped a pillow under my head. "You guys shouldn't have heard that."

"Yeah, well, we did," Jeremy answered, annoyed. "Go to sleep."

"I'm sorry," I said almost inaudibly as I sunk into my pillows. Jeremy pulled a blanket around my waist. "Sleep," he soothed. The second I heard the door close behind them, I cried, painfully. I'd subjected myself to humiliation in front of my friends, mentioned how much I was hurting over an ex-boyfriend, got into a fight, something very un-Bella-like, and drank so much I'd fallen on my face. The first time I'd became drunk was similar, except this time I didn't cop a feel on every guy in the room. I laughed, clutching my pulsing head. I passed out seconds later.

* * *

_End of sophomore year, just after finals. _

I avoided alcohol for the rest of the semester. They accepted what happened as actions induced by alcohol and we continued the year normally.

A year and a half since I'd left and still no sign of the Volturi. I had to stop thinking about that; I kept reflecting on the past when I needed to let it go and live in the present with the friends I had. It was complicated. I was still clinging to memories of true happiness.

I was in the library, volunteering, late one afternoon, stacking books onto shelves.

"Hey you," Jeremy said. Startled, I almost fell down the ladder. He positioned his hands on my back as I stepped down. "Steady, girl. Should you really be up that high?"

"You just had to draw attention to my clumsiness, didn't you?" I hopped down and faced him. "What's up?" I arranged some of the books on the lower shelves.

He raised his hands; two chemistry books in their confines. "I'm taking a summer course. I needed some books."

"Bummer," I chuckled. I faced him, willing myself to speak as a sudden decision hit me. If I wanted to move on, I needed to act now. "So, are you, uh, seeing anyone?" I blurted out, blushing with embarrassment.

His eyes widened. "No." He smiled. "Are you about to say what I think you'll say?"

I nodded, drawing my lower lips between my teeth briefly. "Yeah, remember what I said last year?"

"Definitely." He placed an arm against the bookshelf and leaned against it. I stood beside him.

"Are you…Do you want to go…out this Friday?"

"Like a date?"

"Yeah," I laughed nervously. "How about that little restaurant down the road from my apartment?"

"I'd love to."

"Just…can you handle a girl that has some baggage…things she can't seem to fully let go of?" I said, truthfully, fearing his reaction.

"Yeah, I can work around it…_you_."

"Good," I breathed, relieved.

He backed away. "So, uh, I'll pick you up at 7?"

I nodded before I fell back on my indecisiveness and told him I couldn't do it because I felt like I was betraying Jacob, who hadn't spoke to me since…_that day_. I fell against the bookshelf, wood digging into my back. Too close.

Maybe I could keep Jeremy at a… distance…no…intimate stuff. Maybe I could put off kissing for as long as I could_. _Maybe I could develop feelings for him. Too many maybes, but I had to try.

* * *

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming_

_Or the moment of truth in your lies_

_When everything seems like the movies_

_Yeah you bleed to know you're alive._

_(Ashley's POV)_

I was so fucking elated Bella had agreed to go on an actual date with Jeremy tonight. Kyle, Angela, and I had been hoping for that set up for over a year now. He was so obviously into her. Bella was…well, I didn't know actually. I couldn't figure her out. None of us could. She mentioned this guy, blew up at Lana Walker about the same man. She looked away when she saw couples. Jeremy tried and tried, oblivious from Bella's point of view, to pursue her; she kept him at arm's length. I was worried about this date. She didn't look like she really wanted to be with him; it was like she was holding out for someone else. The subtle flirting hinted that she liked him too but I just couldn't see it lasting. Kyle and I would spend time guessing what Bella was keeping from us, why she really left. How much had that guy she never named mean to her? She talked about Edward, her seemingly perfect, first love, but not the second one, her best friend. Every time we'd attempt to convince her to divulge anything about him, she'd say some shit about something else, _anything else_. She was so fucking secretive.

Maybe she was still in love with him.

I remembered when we encountered her old friends at the mall: fucking gorgeous Leah, tall, really fucking attractive Seth, and Brooke, the petite style queen I wanted to claim as my twin sister. Bella didn't want to face them. You could feel the tension between them. It was so fucking intense, I recalled wanting to _get the fuck out of there _and run to the opposite side of the store. I wanted to dig into her past, unlock her secrets, and I'd wring it out of her before college was over.

I walked into Bella's room, dressed in a bright pink dress for a night out with Alicia and a few other friends of mine. I'd asked to borrow a pair of Bella's shoes and she agreed, giving me permission to access her closet when necessary. Each one of us had deep closets. Bella's was the sparsest; she always kept her clothes in drawers. My hand glided over the dresses and clothes she had hanging up, nothing I'd recognized. The outfit she'd chosen to wear for tonight was dress slacks, a white v-neck shirt and a gray, cropped jacket.

The clothes were amazing. It sucked that Bella and I didn't wear the same size clothes. She was slender, I was curvy, and although we were both short, I was somewhat smaller than her. Luckily, our shoe sizes were exact; Bella and I had tiny hands and feet.

I didn't want to snoop, so I swiftly examined her shoes in the back of her closet. She owned _heels_. A black pair resting above a bulky shoe box on the topmost shelf caught my eyes. "Well, damn." I balanced on my tiptoes and extended my arm as far as I could above me. I ensnared the strap of the sandals between my fingers, but lost my footing and fell against the wall, shaking the racks of shoes. The container underneath the shoes I'd chosen tumbled to the ground. I ended up tripping over the oversized, dusty shoebox that was definitely not her size, its contents scattering everywhere. I yelped, seizing my big toe in pain for a few seconds, before retrieving the contents of the box.

I paused as I began to pile them, finally digesting that they were pictures, tons of them. I gave in to my curiosity; Bella wouldn't be home for a while. And I wanted to know.

I didn't recognize the faces, but I did spot Leah, Seth, and Brooke from the mall. Bella really _had_ known them. I'd crossed the line; these were private, stuff she didn't want any of us to see. But, I couldn't stop staring.

There were shots of Bella with gorgeous, tanned, absurdly tall Native Americans, like Seth. They were all distinct in appearance, and attitude, if the photographs said anything about them. She was posing with some fucking pretty girls too, if I might say, including a feisty looking Asian, and a blond so fucking dazzling, I wanted to call her and demand she tell me what product she used in her hair.

So many photos. Bella in the mountains, posing with the blonde at a lake house; an absolutely breathtaking view. I turned the picture over 'Autumn and Bella,' with the date around two years ago written in effortless handwriting. She was with the girls and group of guys at a diner, all looking energetic, having a wicked awesome time. Bowling with some of the girls I'd seen in other snapshots, including Autumn, the blond, and Brooke and Leah. Lots of hugging, air-kisses, actual action shots. A reservation? The guys, all equipped with gloriousbodies, playing football with the girls, knee deep in dirt. Beach stills, frolicking in the waves.

There was something that stood out though…some_one_. There was this guy, taller and more muscular than the one we'd met, rich skin (I tried, and failed, to not gawk too muchat the contours of the muscles on his stomach, shoulders, and arms) Wow. Dark brown eyes and a fucking huge smile that could brighten anyone's day. And Bella was cuddling with him, playing around with him, in each picture, smiling so much I was fucking petrified. I turned a photo over of him with Bella. 'Jacob' was his name. Bella had actually drawn a little heart next to the name like a schoolgirl. It was fucking adorable.

Was this the guy Bella had never spoken about? The one she couldn't get over? There was something about the way Bella looked at him- a full blown, ear to ear grin that rivaled his own (not really. I don't think you could beat a smile like that). It was so apparent how insanely in love with him she was.

The photographs got more and more personal. I actually felt my chest tighten seeing at how happyshe was in each one. There was one of her with her father and what I assumed to be Jacob's father at her house with Jacob and two girls that had to be his siblings. The resemblance was indisputable with the sister Bella was decorating the Christmas tree with. Bella had this glow that was only highlighted by the lights twinkling from the tree. Most of them were candid (as were most of the other pictures I'd viewed), including one of Jacob untangling Bella from the string-lights, and another with his head on her stomach on what I guessed to be Bella's bed. It was taken through her bedroom door; he was asleep in her lap and she was reading a book peacefully while stroking his hair.

Bella didn't look like that. It _was_ her. Body wise it was undeniably her, although Bella had recently cut her hair so it flowed just past her shoulders. She was happier then, which made her like a stranger, to me, in these shots.

My hand brushed against something smooth; a hand carved, personally inscribed bracelet from the box, beautifully made with 'J&B,' a heart and a phrase present, something about destiny_, _as well as a charm dangling from it of a wolf and a girl. Bella wore a bracelet daily with a similar figurine. In fact, she never removed it.

In my culture studies classes, the wolf symbolized 'the protector,' in Native American cultures. He, or she, was strong, all about family first, caring, loyal. Did it have a deeper significance for Jacob, Seth, and the others?

I continued to rummage throughout the photographs. Bella in Jacob's arms, laughing, smashed between the other guys and girls on the floor, outside, having fun; dinners, movie nights. There was a set of countless candid's of just Jacob and Bella kissing, hugging, dancing at a bonfire (while the others danced too, hilariously), in the mountains (at Autumn's house? Or on the reservation?), and lying beside some body of water. Another picture of Bella, who I thought was innocent, grinding at a club in a short dress she wouldn't be caught dead wearing. Was this the real Bella? My question was answered when, at the very bottom of the container there was a pocket-sized, velvet case and a bundle of pictures in an envelope labeled with Bella's handwriting, 'Private, my eyes only- Bella,' with more scribbled words reading '…and mine…-Jacob,' and then a sketch of a wolf nuzzling a girls cheek. I told myself I should stop meddling, but I didn't and ripped open the envelope.

The photos were so intimate and the love was _so there_ between the two that my eyes fogged with tears. It was just a few pictures, one of Bella, sleeping with her bare back revealed. The line where her underwear should have been it wasn't, although the rest of her body was veiled by the sheets. She was nude. Her hair fanned on the pillow and a smile was on her lips as she slept. I saw a broad, masculine hand braced on the bed next to her. The shots were a series of that singlemoment. Bella woke up at the light, and then attacked the camera holder, beaming, covering herself. Jacob showed up in the picture as she tackled him; apparently the camera was on automatic setting. She was kissing him. Oh God, he was naked too…I flipped them over and toss them aside. _Way too personal, Ashley. _

There was another one. Jake's arms were around her and I could see the curve of the underside of her breast. Christ had they just…? Of course Bella didn't want anyone to see these! It was taken on the same night. Both Jacob and Bella were lying on their sides in the bed, smiling as they kissed (his arm was above them; this one was meant to be taken). He was so much bigger than her (_stop staring at his arms, Ashley…)._ It was so… touching. What I would give to have a guy look at me like that.

My God, had Bella slept with this guy when we all believed she was…anything but? This was her ex-boyfriend, best friend, and lover. This was why she looked so miserable sometimes. I shouldn't have but, I opened the clasp of the ring case lodged in the corner. It was an engagement ring- diamonds, gold, and an engraving on the back in another language. I darted out of the room, clicked on my lap top and Google searched the meaning of the etching I could hardly decipher. It was Quileute, the reservation Leah and Seth were from, and it read 'my forever begins and ends with you.' "Oh my fucking God." I ran back into the room, tucking the ring back where it belonged. This is what she kept from us. My lungs constricted. This was excruciating!

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I turned abruptly see Bella, livid and upset, in the doorway. I stood to my feet as she snatched the envelope from me and shoved everything back into the box, breathing erratically."This is personal!" She veered around. "God…" She was crying now.

"I'm so sorry, Bella! I know it was uncalled for, but I swear, I didn't mean to! I was borrowing your shoes, like you said! It fell! Your shit is too high up!" I chuckled, hoping to lighten the mood.

It didn't work. "That doesn't give you the right to look through my things!" Her voice wavered.

She buried the package deeper into the closet. "Who's Jacob? Is he _him_?" My voice rose.

"It's none of your business," she snapped, and her tears fell. She began to pace. "I come back from a date with another guy, finally, and you're here…Why does this always happen!" She was talking more to herself than me.

"It is my business, Bella! I'm your friend! I care about you! I want to help. You don't smile like that anymore." I gestured to the photos. "This girl…she's like a completely different person."

"It's still me." She collapsed on the floor with her back against the side of her bed. "I was just happier…and myself there, no lies or delusions." She clutched her chest and brought her knees up, ducking her head. I crept towards her and sat adjacent to her, mirroring her position, but with my legs outstretched. "I will explain Jacob and my friends to you." She rested her chin on her knees and faced me, cheeks coated with tears. "The wound…it's still there. And, talking about it…" she sighed. "I try not to think about it."

"Why in the hell would you want to forget that?" I said, stunned.

She stared blankly at the wall. "I loved him so much. I like Jeremy, it's just, I can't get over him," she sobbed, burying her head in her knees. "And you know what the worst part is?" Her head twisted towards me as I stroked her hair, empathetic.

"What's that?" I whispered against her hair as I wrapped my arms around her shoulders.

"He hasn't spoken to me since then. My friends from home despise me. Autumn, she's the only one of them that's been by my side. I talk to her every week, more than my own parents. His friends, these guys, are loyal to their P…" She stumbled over a word before clearing her throat. "…their _kin_, first. I used to be a part of that family. But, I said some things when I broke up with him. He probably hates me now."

"I don't think so."

"You don't know," she croaked. "You don't know what happened! The way he looked," she breathed deeply, her frame shaking as she kneeled forward. I rubbed her back, tracing circles and resting against her side

"Did you…? You don't have to answer this…but, did you lose your virginity to him?"

"Yeah," her voice was barely audible as she glanced at me. "He's the onlyguy I've been with," she sniffled, smiling sadly.

Her head nestled in the crook of my neck and shoulder. "I didn't know," I whispered. "It's hard to let go of something like that." I'd been with a total of two guys, sexually, who'd dumped my ass the next day when I thought they loved me. No one forgets their first.

"Please." Her voice quivered. "Don't tell anyone, not even Kyle, especially not Jeremy."

"I won't, I promise." And I was dead serious. I may have been Miss 'I talk to everyone,' but something, maybe the painful twisting in my gut over Bella's pain and loss told me not to. I'd never looked at any guy like she looked at Jacob, and they sure as hell didn't look at me the way Jacob looked at her in those photos. "Do you still love him?"

"Yes," she sputtered into my shoulder. I rested my head on top of hers and grasped one of her hands in my own. "More than I should. I still love him as much as I did when I was with him."

I bailed out on my plans tonight, feeling this need to comfort her. Holding her, I could literally feel my heart breaking for her.

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_Because I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am._

* * *

_La Push, Washington_

_Months later, just before Bella's' junior year at NYU_

_(Jacob's POV)_

"Jakey-bear, you've got mail," Rachel cooed and a weightless box smacked my head while I dozed on the couch.

Just when I'd finally settled down for a fucking afternoon nap, my annoying older sister decides to wake me up. Doesn't she know better? You don't wake a teenage boy…man…er, wolf…man-wolf. Being Alpha takes a lot of energy. Not that I actually wanted the position.

Fuck being a wolf. And fuck _you _Ephraim Black for being in my bloodline.

I was also going to college, I owned a private, just-getting-started mechanic shop with Embry and Quil, under the watchful idea of someone who actually knew about business, a.k.a. my boss, and I had, you know, a social life. I never slept.

"Fuck off," I mumbled, raising my chest to toss the box compulsively back at her before I yanked a pillow over my head and turned my face to the inside of the couch. I was so used to living without my sisters that it was pain in the ass when Rachel traveled up here for weekends, every once in a while. It's Paul's' fucking fault for imprinting on her.

She swiped me with a cushion."You didn't even look at the fucking name."

"I don't fucking care who it's from," I groaned, not moving from my spot. "I need sleep. Go mess around with Paul…actually, don't. Go find something else to do." She unexpectedly plucked the pillow from my head. I rolled my eyes. "Rach," I warned.

She scowled at me. "It's from Bella, you dick!"

I leapt up from the couch and tumbled to the floor between the coffee table and couch, dismayed. "You're joking." She shoved the package on my face. I growled and snatched it from her hands as I stood to my feet.

"You can thank me later." She left the room.

Jesus Christ, it _was_ from her. I hastily ripped open the container, sending a bunch of Styrofoam flying everywhere. I gripped an envelope addressed to me and emptied its contents: a note…and the ring I'd given her. "Shit," I muttered, feeling a familiar pressure in my chest as I perched on the couch, reminiscing about everything that was _her._

_Jacob, this belongs to you. I don't deserve it anymore; give it to someone who does. I am so sorry I never gave it back until now. I hope you can find it in you to forgive me for everything__someday. – Bella_

She kept it. And the name on the package was Bella Swan, not Bella _Cullen_, and the location was an apartment on NYU's campus, not a fancy house with _Edward._ What the fucking fuck?

"You aren't going after her are you?" Rachel leaned in the doorway with her arms crossed.

I shook my head. "No."

"Yeah, you better not, especially after all she's done to you," she sneered. _You just punctured my heart with another nail sis; well done._ "You're with someone."

I stood up, ring enclosed in my fist. "I'm not going to leave my girlfriend to find the girl that broke my heart, like, five trillion times, okay?" I said genuinely. _Stupid heart…you were finally doing a damn good job about two months ago, when I was finally able to move on enough, and now you fucking hurt…again. Asshole._

"Charlie wanted to see you today." Rachel nodded towards the phone. "You are going to his house, right?"

"Duh, he wanted me to fix some shit up." I brushed past her. "I'm on my way right now." I saluted.

"Sarcastic fucker," she mumbled before closing the door behind her.

Don't you just love sisters?

Actually, I did love my sister, a fucking lot; she was my _rock_**,** god damn it. But we were also related, so bickering and name-calling was completely acceptable.

* * *

_Forks, Washington_

_Swan residence_

I parked my bike in front of Charlie's house. I'd actually been here a few times with Billy, but Charlie preferred to travel to the Res, or stay at home (to be alone with Sue…_ahem_). "Charlie." I smirked, eyeing him as he stood in the doorway.

He nodded his head curtly. "Jacob." He shook my hand and patted my back. "Come on in for a bit." He motioned for me to follow him inside. The place smelled like Bella, _human_ Bella. I halted my steps, my senses on an all time high because of herscent.

Charlie arched an eyebrow. "You okay?"

"How is she?" I asked, meeting his eyes.

"Bella?" I nodded. He shrugged."She's… not bad. She likes college, her grades are superb. She visits every Thanksgiving and Christmas." I turned to him as he followed me upstairs. "You just missed her. She came over last week for a few days, her annual summer visit."

I paused outside of her bedroom, heart pounding. "She was here? How did she look?" I probed for anything he could tell me, falling back to his side.

He squinted at me, disconcerted. "She's beautiful, as usual." Before I could say anything we stepped into her old room, where a sheet from her stay sheathed the bed. "I'm trying to figure out what to do with her room. She only stops by every once in a while and we do have a spare bedroom. During her stay, she only slept in here; everything else she did was outside of the room." He walked around the room as I slouched on her bed, subconsciously touching the sheet. "I keep expecting she'll move back," he continued. I jerked my head to him. He grinned solemnly. "But, I know it won't happen. She's almost 21 years old. Wow_._" He stroked his beard. "And you're 18."

I couldn't help but smile at him. "Yep."

"It's unreal. She's growing up too fast, you all are." He chuckled

Bella was aging.

I continued to fiddle with the sheet; her aroma was all over the fabric. "Did anything seem out of the ordinary when you saw her last week?" I peered at him before engrossing myself with the floor.

"Nah," he shook his head, laughing. "Still Bella. Same voice, same grip when she hugged me; she felt the same way, soft skin like her mother's. Her hair's shorter, though. She did seem a bit off, now that I think of it. I think she misses you."

"Why would she?" I scrunched the sheet resting in my lap with my hands.

"She's not with the Cullen boy, if that's what you were wondering." The thump-thump of my heart echoed in my ears, practically deafening me. I glanced at him, overwhelmed. "I don't even know why you two love birds broke up."

I shrugged, ignoring the gnawing in my heart. I weaseled away from 'the breakup' conversation. "I can't believe she didn't tell us she was in town."

"I don't understand it either," Charlie snorted, hands raised as he paced around. "But she was here for such a brief time that she probably wanted to spend time with her old man only."

Or evade us in fear of annihilation if she was one of _them_. Or maybe she was just avoiding _me_. "So, she's not with Edward?" I asked, seeking confirmation, and failing to not spat out his name.

"Nope. She mentioned that she's seeing someone, but it's not serious." A slight twinge of jealously stabbed at my chest.

"It's probably cover up," I growled. "She doesn't want us to know she's still with the bl-…Edward." I chucked the blanket against the headboard and stood to my feet.

"I don't think so…but, I do have a mission for you." Charlie forced me out of the room and back outside. "Bella's truck," he pointed to a covered vehicle that had been there since she left over a year ago. "I don't think I could bring it back to life, but I also can't figure out how to tear it apart without damaging the motor, which is still in decent shape." He scratched his head before turning to me. "I'd like to keep the engine; maybe you could bring it to your shop? The truck's too old for it."

"Sure, sure." I removed the cover, swatting away clouds of dust and dirt that flew at me, sneezing. I wrenched open the door, inspecting the inside. Charlie sipped a beer and watched from the porch.

"How's that girl doing? What's her name…the one you're dating?"

I shook my head, snickering. "It's only been a month, Charlie."

"She sounds amazing from what Billy keeps telling me. Hot too." He cleared his throat

I sat in the seat and rolled my eyes. "Charlie, she's, like, 20 years younger than you. I'm kind of disturbed."

"You think I can't appreciate a good looking female when I see one? I was once a teenager too, I know it's hard for you to imagine."

I laughed. Shit. The truck was a mess. How could something rot away so fast?

My mind wandered and I mentally slapped myself for thinking about Bella, my only ex-girlfriend. Was she really not with the bloodsucker, even though she made it blatant she was getting back together with him? Leah had said something when she came back from NYC "things aren't like we expected." I had no fucking clue what that meant. And it fucking angered me that I was thinking so much about Bella when I'd done a damn good job of _not_.

Yes, I was seeing someone. Yes, I still had feelings for Bella. I hadn't had sex with anyone since Bella, either. The girl I was with now was the first one I'd been serious about _since_ Bella. But, I really fucking liked this girl! She was hot, rebellious, likeable, comical…and Bella was with the parasite, right? Even if she wasn't, I'd already decided I wasn't going to go after her. She broke my heart, did it again, shattered it, yanked it out another time, threw it to the ground, stomped all over it, and returned it with much repair needed. It still made no sense though. She'd said I was just for sex. Had Bella Swan become an exceptionally good liar? What the hell was going on?

"Shut the fuck up," I grumbled to my inner-Jacob and told the wolf inside to stay put, before I kicked the underside of the dash. A jingle vibrated through my keen ears and a miniscule flicker on the floor caught my eyes. I grabbed the object and examined it. It was covered in dust, intact and as luxurious as I'm sure it looked when clean. It was the ring _he'd _bestowed to Bella.

It'd been there since she'd left, like the truck. "Holy Mother of God," I gasped, inspecting the antique ring. "You've got to be kidding me." I clasped the ring in my hand and hopped out of the car with renewed energy (despite being exhausted). "I'll take care of the truck tomorrow, Charlie. I've got somewhere to be," I lied; at least the last part wasn't entirely true.

"Alright," Charlie drawled. As soon as we said goodbye and he shut the door behind him, I dialed the number on my cell phone of the person I knew would have an explanation and leaned against my bike.

Someone answered after two rings. "What it do, boss?" Embry said from the other line.

I rolled my eyes. "I need to speak with Autumn."

"Dude, she just got out of the shower, give her a minute," he said, bothered.

"Now."

"Asshole," he complained before I heard him hand over the phone. "Ever heard of patience, Jacob?" Autumn hissed into the phone, her teeth grinding.

"What the fuck is going on?" I was suddenly upset.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I could practically hear her eyes roll.

"I found Edward fucking Cullen's ring in Bella's truck. I thought she and him got back together. You better tell me what the fuck happened." My jaw twitched.

"Shit. Jake, I can't do that."

That astounded me. My eyes widened and I relaxed as my shaking ceased. "I don't understand." I rubbed my forehead with my hand.

There was a pause. I heard her inhale deeply several times, thinking, before she spoke again. "Look, I'll tell you what you need to know, but you have to promise me you won't go after her."

"Why does everyone keep thinking I'll do that?" I sighed heavily, beyond feeling agitated.

"Because, it's so _you_, Jacob."

"She hurt me, Autumn, okay? That day was…too much. I'd rather not have to go through it again. Breaking hearts seems to be the thing with Bella and me," I laughed hollowly.

"Jacob, I'm serious. You have to let her be_._" I'd never heard Autumn sound so…troubled. She was begging me to comply.

"I give you my word." Jacob Black never forgets his word.

"Meet me at my apartment in 10 minutes. I'll tell you what I can."

It was time to get some answers.

* * *

(A/N: You won't get to see the conversation between Autumn and Jake. She **does** tell him everything; she just leaves out the fact that **Bella'**s life is in danger, because she KNOWS he'll go after her then. (Basically, 'if she's gone we're safe and so is she,' instead of 'if she's gone, only _she's_ in danger.' You get me?) Pictures of Bella's party and date outfits, as well as Brooke's outfit, are in my photo bucket account/Jacob-Black-n-Pack group for this story, linked in my profile)


	19. Memories

Disclaimer: You know the drill. Lyrics: Eclipse- Robyn and Iris- Goo Goo Dolls. The song mentioned in the first flashback is Wait (the Whisper Song) - Ying Yang Twins…;D

(A/N: **Thank you for the reviews, faves, and alerts**!). I am _very _happy, about the reviews I'm getting: you guys are awesome and I'm proud I'm receiving such emotional responses from each of you! Your reviews are the _**only**_ things that keep me writing this story! **Warning: sexual content **(a certain POV has no problem saying words in his head (especially when he's having sex) I normally wouldn't write. Lol. ;D)

**(**_**IMPORTANT:**__**Pay attention to the POVs, dates, and designations of flashbacks, because you won't follow the chapter if you don't! I'm not asking you to pay attention to them, I'm telling you to! I'm serious: you need to!**_)

* * *

**Chapter 17: Memories**

_There's an eclipse in your eye where I used to shine_

_The end of the summer before Bella's junior year at NYU_

_Shortly after Jacob finds the ring_

_(Bella's POV)_

The new semester was about to begin, and Ashley, Kyle, Jeremy, and I were relaxing in the apartment, watching one of Ashley's movies, 'The Notebook,' Kyle's personal favorite. It was one of our 'lazy' days. The film was a tear-jerker…since it was almost parallel with my life right now. Not that I would see or hear from Jacob anytime soon.

A sharp pain seared through my chest, but I didn't visibly react to it, thankfully.

I was on the couch, Jeremy's arm wrapped around me. Ashley was lying across my legs, squished against the couch on the other end, and Kyle was on the floor on his stomach, facing the TV. I would never admit it, but it didn't feel rightwith Jeremy. And it upset me that I would probably never feel perfect in anyone's arms but Jacob's.

After Ashley had witnessed me at my weakest, we'd grown closer; I was more outspoken with her. This was one of the things that frightened me, because I was becoming too close to these people. If the Volturi ever did strike, I prayed they'd spare their lives. What was taking them so long anyways? As far as I was concerned, they could stay away. But I was fucking livid that this whole move may have been a waste of time, and that fury was directed towards the Cullen's.

Kyle and Ashley had just settled down from acting out the reunion scene, the 'It wasn't over for me and now it's too late' dialogue, between Noah and Allie, overdramatically, hilariously, and blatantly mocking it (even though they both adored the movie). That particular moment made me cry, so I was grateful for the humor.

Tonight we intended to attend the art festival in Greenwich Village. There would be dancing. Yikes.

"Bella," Jeremy interrupted my thoughts. "Your phone is buzzing."

My hands coasted over the cushions beside me, searching. Ashley wiggled the phone inches away from my face. "Here, sweetheart."

I rolled my eyes and snatched the phone, strolling to the kitchen for privacy, not even glancing at the number as I answered. "Hello?" I said, casually, like I normally would. There was a brief silence. I rolled my eyes. "Hel-_looo_?" I repeated, annoyed.

I almost hung up, until I heard a voice that made my heart stop. "We need to talk."

You know those moments where you hear a familiar voice, in this case, a husky, deep, soothing one you only dreamed about over the past year or so, and you have trouble breathing, and once your heart is able to continue beating normally, it skips another beat, and everything spins around you and your abdominal muscles contract, not because your nauseous, but because you're aroused, and you haven't been turned on by any man, even the one you're dating now, since this one? Yeah, that was how I was feeling this very moment.

The fact was that I couldn't breathe properly because Jacob Black was on the other line.

My mind erupted with memories of him and I, in the garage, warm sodas, kisses, and determination, love making, and smiles, and old friends, and being in love.

I dashed out of the kitchen, clutching the phone to my ear, rushing past the couch, and successfully not stumbling over Ashley's purse in the corner. I didn't even acknowledge my friends. I slammed my bedroom door shut behind me and sat on the bed stiffly, quivering. "I-I don't know what to say." My voice was barely above a whisper.

"How about, 'Hey, Jacob, sorry I broke your heart over shit that wasn't true. How are you doing, by the way?'" He practically snarled.

"H-How did you…?"

"How did I know? I found your ex-fiancés ring in your truck and spoke to Autumn. Why didn't you tell me? I- how am I supposed to believe you're not with him like she said? Why would you say…what you said?"

I wanted to tell him everything, but, once again, I couldn't, and I had faith Autumn didn't tell him that Iwas at risk. "What did she say?" The words spewed from my mouth.

He laughed, hysterical almost. "That's all you can say? How about that much needed apology?"

I buried my head in my hands, still trembling from head to toe over hearing his voice after all this time. "Jake, yes, I'm sorry. But will that really solve everything?"

"No," he whispered. "Is it true though? You're not with him?"

I hesitated. "What are you going to do if I told you it was?"

There was a long silence as he deliberated. "Nothing. I won't…come after you. I already made that decision. If I had, I would have been there by now."

My insides cramped…was this really over? I was disappointed he wouldn't do such a Jacob-like thing, that is, until I remembered why I was doing this in the first place.

"It doesn't make any sense. She said we'd all be safe if you were somewhere else, and you'd be safe too…" I could detect the tremors in his voice. "But…she said she'd tell me what she could, which means something is missing." His last words were hushed.

"And she's right, Jake, there's information I can't share with you." I brought my sweaty palms to my forehead.

"So how the hell does any of this prove you didn't leave me for him?" He growled.

"I can't, Jake. Please don't make this any harder for me than it has been."

"How in the world am I making this more difficult for _you_?"

"Why did you call me, Jake? Really?" I spat. "To check up on me? A year and a half is a fucking long time without speaking."

"It's not like you had the decency to call me!"

"Why did you contact me, Jacob?" I demanded.

A pause. "I just…I wanted to tell you that Autumn told me why you left, or at least, she told me part of the reason. And…" He grumbled, agitated. "And to make sure Charlie was right that you're the same. You're human."

"Yes, I am, Jake. You can hear it in my voice. And no, I'm not with Edward. I never was." He sighed with relief. "That doesn't change anything, Jacob! I'm doing this to keep you safe. I'm not leaving."

"You are going to be alright like Autumn said? The Volturi are off our asses?"

No. "Yes, Jacob," I exhaled. I don't know what encouraged me to say it, but I had to ask, as ridiculous as it would sound, "Can we still be friends?"

He scoffed, noticing the absurdity of my statement. "I haven't forgiven you, Bella," he snapped. "You have no idea how it much it fucking _hurt_," he gasped. "…when you said those things, when _you_ left."

_I do, Jake, I do. And I miss you so much I'm willing to beg you to come to NYU and sweep me off my feet, new boyfriend be damned. I still love you __**so much**__ that my heart is fucking pounding, painfully._ "It hurt me too, Jacob. And…I understand that I won't be forgiven anytime soon."

"No, you won't," he stated, firmly. "And truth is, seeing you again…the two of us seeing each other, would make this worse. We don't need to jeopardize 'us' anymore than we already have."

"There isn't really an 'us' anymore, is there." I swallowed a sob.

"No." He sounded just as depressed as I was.

"Will you…will you call me again? Please," I pleaded, letting my tears fall.

"No, I-I can't do that. The wound's still there, Bella; it's easy to be picked at. If Autumn's right and I do believe she is, you fucking lied to me, and that hurts…still."

It was like a knife stabbed my stomach, and slid straight to my heart, mutilating it. "Jacob..." I wanted to say something. Maybe an 'I love you,' or 'I miss you,' something to let him know I still cared deeply about him just as much as before? In fact, I cared so much that I was saving his life by cutting him off from _mine_. "Okay," I agreed, reluctantly. "I think that would be best." An endless silence passed. "I _am_ sorry, Jacob. I wish I could undo my wrongs and make things right, but I don't know how."

What he said next caused my heart to nearly implode from the loss of him in my life. "I still love you, you know," he whispered, a fraction above being inaudible to my ears.

_Say it, Bella! Say it! Tell him you love him too! _"Thank you," I almost bawled.

He hung up and I remained immobile, staring at the screen, as I hugged a pillow to my chest. I wiped my eyes and staggered to the living room, leaning against the wall. "Hey," I sniffled.

"What was that about?" Ashley eyed me over her reading glasses as she studied the script in front of her.

I shrugged. "Nothing…extreme." Bullshit. You just got off the phone with Jacob..._Jacob. _ "I'm going to lie down for a while." I gestured to my room. "Wake me up in a few hours so I have time to get dressed for the festival tonight."

Kyle saluted me. "Will do."

"Thanks." I brushed a strand of hair behind my ear and turned around. Jeremy seized my arm. "You sure you're okay?"

Far from it. "Yeah." I smiled grimly. "I need to rest. Is that okay?"

"I'm not stopping you." He grinned, kissed my forehead, and returned to the others.

I closed the door behind me and curled into the fetal position beneath my covers before typing a text to Autumn. _Thank you for not telling him I was in danger_.

She responded back seconds later. _Don't think I didn't want to tell him everything. I was keeping my promise to you, Bella, as much as I hated it._

I set the phone aside, still in disbelief over the fact that he'd called me. Once again, I was emotionally drained, consumed with the feelings I held captive for Jacob, resurrected full force at the sound of his rich, beautiful, enticing voice, and the fact that he didn't hate me.

He still loved me.

And that was probably the most heartbreaking thing of all.

_You're right_

_Some words are best unspoken_

_So right_

_Until it falls apart-_

_The day I break your heart_

* * *

_All the truth that I needed was right there in your smile_

_Every prophecy written of what's going to be_

_All beginning and endings_

_They're about you and me._

_**BEGIN FLASHBACK/**_

_A few days after the night at club Red Secrets, shortly after Bella and Jacob return from Georgia_

_Julius and Carmen's house/duplex_

_La Push, Washington_

"How much do you want to bet they started without us?" Brooke giggled.

Rachel snickered. "Oh, I have no doubt."

Brooke, Rachel, Autumn, and I were walking from our cars to Julius and Carmen's home for Carmen's 21st birthday celebration. Each duplex in the area had separate yards. Theirs was small, but two stories. Elegant, but woodsy. Where did they get this money from? Was Julius secretly wealthy or something? Their place was nice, at least from what I could see. It nestled in a thicket of trees near the mountain's bottom, just outside the Reservation.

Autumn elbowed me. "I'm so excited."

I grinned. "Why?"

"We're finally going to get you drunk," Brooke squeaked, throwing her arms around me and pulling me to her chest.

"Better to do it now than later. Let's get it over with," I laughed, as we ascended the steps to the entranceway.

The door swung open. "Hello, ladies." Julius smirked. Embry waved from a barstool and Carmen appeared from upstairs in a cute outfit- black leggings and a white mini-dress. She greeted each of us. "I'm so glad you're here," she squealed. We handed over her gifts and wished her a happy birthday. Hugs and kisses all around.

Julius leaned against the door frame as the rest of us entered. I was last. He tapped me with his foot as he sipped his beer. "Swan, you ready for the craziness?"

I rolled my eyes. "Please." I strode into the suite. He shut the door behind me and I could feel his eyes watching my ass.

Ok, so I'd actually worn short-shorts, so it was technically my fault he was devouring me with his eyes.

"I can't wait to see you drunk. Imagine," he growled seductively.

I smiled and lunged at him, smacking his shoulder. "Pervert! Seriously!"

"'This is how I do it,'" he recited the lyrics to an old rap song and smirked at me.

"Now, now Julius." Carmen smacked her gums disapprovingly as she approached him. "Not a good idea."

"Let him be," Rachel shouted from the bar. She was already pouring herself a shot of rum. "Jake's not here yet."

Julius slinked over to her, swatting her hand. "Wait until the others get here, sweetheart." She stuck her tongue out at him, but listened and set her cup down.

"What's the plan tonight?" Autumn said as she plopped on the couch, snuggling against Embry when he joined her.

"Well," Julius began, slowly. He stood as we gathered on the couch and chairs in the living room. "This is phase one of the party for my lovely, sexy girlfriend." He draped his arm around Carmen's shoulder, bringing her to his side. She rolled her eyes. "Drinks tonight and cake and presents tomorrow after we've recovered."

"I'm curious." I straddled the back of the couch behind Rachel. "Who's the most tolerant out of the wolves?"

"Jacob," they all chimed at once, chuckling.

"Then me," Julius said, peeved. "But, yes, _Jakey_ is the most resistant, but we'll get him tipsy. We just need the right stuff…"

I buried my head in my hands. "Oh my God." I laughed as my fingers skimmed through my hair. "You are really going to get all of us wasted. He nodded. _Pompous bastard._

"Yoohooo! We bring the goods," Quil professed as he barged through the door, Jacob, Seth, and Paul in tow, carrying bags and cases of alcoholic beverages from the liquor store down the road. He had a 24 Pack of beer balanced on his shoulder with one hand.

Wait…Seth was here? Brooke voiced my concern as she hugged him. "Your sister let you come?" She gawked at him, surprised.

Paul swaggered in and I heard him, Julius, and Embry high-fiving each other and laughing at Seth. "This will be fun."

"You're going to walk right past me without saying hello, asshole?" Rachel snapped.

Paul winced before he faced her. "No, babe, I saw you. I was saving the best for last." He proceeded to hug her, but she whacked his chest. "Do not call me 'babe.'" She pointed a finger at him. He backed away, hands raised in surrender.

"Jake-man's got the real good stuff." Quil dropped his bags beside the door.

"That I do." Jacob pushed him, several enormous bottles of Absolut Vodka in his hand.

I beamed. "Jacob!" I bolted from the couch, and headed towards him. Seth saw me and secured the bottles from Jake's hands before I leapt into his arms. Jacob had only a second to register what was happening, his eyes widening, before I crashed into his body and wrapped my legs around his waist. He instantly clutched my rear. My arms encircled his neck and I kissed him passionately on the mouth.

I didn't matter that I'd been with him just hours ago. Every moment we'd be together, even after a brief absence, I would always be excited to see him. It was just a part of being in love with him. He was my sun; I was always happy around him; I could neverstop smiling. "I missed you," I murmured between kisses.

He snorted. "I." Kiss. "saw." Kiss. "You." Long kiss. "Whoa," he gasped. Another kiss. "Four hours ago." He unglued his lips from mine.

"Bella, goodness, let him get through the doorway," Autumn teased from somewhere behind me.

Jake loosened his grip and released me as my feet hit the floor. He smiled at me, and I'm sure his expression imitated mine. I apologized to the others, my eyes only for Jake. He looped his arms around my waist and led me back inside.

Julius cringed. "You two are officially the most PDA-charged couple I've had the pleasure of knowing."

"It's not my fault she can't keep her hands off of me." Jake smirked. I smiled widely, blushing as I slapped his arm. "Jake," I whispered, embarrassed. My smile was likely as blinding as it had been since September. He kissed my head, laughing. I adhered myself to his bare chest, resting my head below his chin, arms encompassing his waist.

I could not stop touching him. It'd been like this since we made ourselves official. It was only heightened by the fact that we'd slept together, for the first time, about a week ago. And since the night after the club, I had him locked in my room when I could, all night, every night.

Well, he _was_ mine.

* * *

All of us lounged in a circle on Julius's floor in the living room; some sprawled on the couches nearby. We were tipsy. We'd begun the night with the usual: hanging out, as well as a few drinks, and dancing to the tunes of today's hottest hits. I had a concoction similar to what I'd tasted when Autumn and I lived together in Georgia, which was some form of a fruity mixed drink. I rested below the couch, snug in Jacob's arms. He occasionally slid his fingers through my hair and caressed the skin beneath my shirt (which was loose, so he had easy access, which he loved). Thank God his hand hadn't drifted between my thighs. I leaned forward and sat Indian style, regarding the cans in the middle of our deformed circle. "I can't believe I'm doing this."

"It'll be fun." Carmen shrugged.

"What the hell are we playing, man?" Paul said from his position in the loveseat, slouched and sipping directly from one of the bottles of alcohol. Rachel was on the floor beneath him.

"An adult version of Truth or Dare," Julius leered from his seat in the center of the floor, Carmen between his legs.

"Oh good Lord." I could _hear_ Brooke, next to Seth, roll her eyes from the sofa diagonal from me. Autumn and Embry were in the chair alongside them.

Quil, who was already drunk, was lying on the couch behind Jake and me. "Bring it on man."

I glanced at Julius, oblivious. Autumn giggled, partially inebriated (hybrid's could get drunk too?) "Julius, Bella's lost. Explain the specifics of your rules to her."

My eyes widened. "Wait…adult as in…?" I cowered back into Jacob's warm body, his arms trapping me.

Jacob answered for Julius. "Most likely sexual."

I gaped at him. "Are you serious?" He shrugged, grinning mischievously.

"You ask a person of your choice 'truth or dare,' just like the childhood game," Julius continued. Smart ass. "But, we'll build it up…start seemingly innocent, then get down to the _nitty gritty_ and bring on the _dirty_."

"Can I object?" Rachel scowled. "I could care less about nudity…its inevitable when it comes to drinking with you guys," she mumbled under her breath before raising her voice again. "But, just no…sex…like actualsex for a dare, please."

"Damn." Quil snapped his fingers, disappointed.

"Duh, I'm not fucking my girlfriend in front of you or filming a porno of any of you, sorry," Julius said. "Anyways, as I was saying, if you don't respond to a truth quickly enough you have to sip from the glass in your hand." I was then grateful I had chosen a girly drink. "But, if you refuse a dare, you guzzle one of these babies here." He pointed to the collection of beers in the middle. "That's all. Shall we begin?" He winked at Carmen. "Birthday girl, you go first."

She pouted seductively at him before scanning the room. "Who should I pick on…" Our eyes met. Too long of a pause…Oh no_._ "Bella." She smiled. Jacob laughed as his hands glided over the skin of my stomach. _Oh that feels nice_…wait…I'm her target? I froze_._ "Since you're new at this, more so than even Seth, you're my choice."

"Oh, great," I muttered, pressing my leg to Jake's warmone. "Truth."

Rachel tossed a plastic shot cup at my foot. "Boring."

"What's your favorite pair of underwear?"

"Whoa," I shouted. "I thought that part was for later in the game!"

"Why not start early?" Brooke purred. "It's more exciting that way."

"I bet Jacob could tell you his favorite pair of underwear on you," Embry baited Jacob, staring at him.

Jake rolled his eyes as his cheeks tinted red. He hurled a pillow at Embry. "I don't need to fuel your fantasies about my girlfriend, Call."

"Excuse me, lover boy, but I got me a fine female right here." He yanked Autumn to his mouth and made out with her, right there, in front of all of us.

I turned away. "Um…wow. Fine. I have…actually…." I perked, deciding to be out there. "I prefer no underwear."

The reactions were typical; there were plenty of "Ow-ow's" and laughter. Jake gazed at me. I cleared my throat, gulped my drink, and eyed Jacob. I nibbled on my lower lip and admired his body with my eyes.

"Fuck," he mouthed, placing a pillow over his crotch as he glanced up at the ceiling, lips tightening.

I laughed, peering behind me. "Quil."

"Dare." He simpered, head resting in his hand.

"I dare you to go across the street to that little old lady, knock on her door, and ask for directions to her bedroom."

"Totally." He laughed and slid to his feet, waddling to the door.

"Naked," I called after him.

Jacob burst out laughing, and the others joined him. "Damn! We are kicking this thing off earlier than I thought," Julius rejoiced. "Way to go, Bella. Maybe you are cool…"

I rolled my eyes and angled towards Quil, arms crossed. "Chicken," taunted, watching him as he stood still.

"You really think I wouldn't do that?" He stripped off his shorts and strutted across the road, leaving the door open so we could observe.

Jake covered my eyes with his hands, pressing his chest against my back, "No need for you to see that." I pried his fingers apart just enough so I could peek through and watch the action.

Quil obediently did what I said. The oldlady flung the door open, wide-eyed, horrified and unable to keep her eyes from lowering to his groin. Her head jerked up and she clobbered him with her cane after he'd asked the question. We were on the floor laughing as he dashed back, hands concealing his privates. He returned and put his shorts back on, tripping several times as he did so. "Julius! Truth or dare!"

"Dare," Julius wheezed, still laughing.

"Payback," Quil said to me as he resumed his position of the couch. His attention diverted from me to Julius. "Kiss Bella for ten seconds, no less."

"Hell yeah." Julius crawled towards me. I recoiled, distraught.

Jake blocked me. He grabbed a beer and handed it to Julius "Hell _no_." Julius glowered at him before snatching the drink and slurping it. Jake reeled me to his chest possessively, arms around my upper body, burying his face into my hair. "Mine," he growled, before punching Quil's side with his free hand in which a "fuck," was cried out in pain as a response.

"You're ruining all the fun, Jake," Julius hiccupped.

The game continued similarly for the night, and since I elected to say 'Dare,' a few times, I'd had at least two cans of beer. I was starting to feel the effects. The boys were on the verge of wasted, except Jacob, Embry, and Quil, who had passed shit-faced a while ago. Quick healing wolf genes enabled him to continue participating though. Brooke was heavily intoxicated and louder than usual, reliving the night at the club. Autumn was fine; she and Jacob were tied (the winner being the one who was the least affected by the alcohol). Rachel was approaching the finish line. Carmen was drunk as hell and practically clawed at Julius's clothes. They'd started making out countless times, so much that we all had to keep interrupting them. Paul had a dare given by Rachel to sing loudly at the top of his lungs on the front porch. He ended up waking some veryangry neighbors. He was also instructed to 'get jiggy with it' and had toppled over the railing.

Carmen snorted. "Jake."

"Truth. I'll be different." His eyes were dilated. Was this the first time I'd finally see my best friend (and lover) drunk? His hand crept between my thighs. Oh God. I moaned, fetching his hand and situating it lower on my leg.

"Does Bella give good head?"

I spit out my drink (refilled I don't know how many times; I'd lost track). I coughed violently, failing to not blush as the others laughed.

A long pause passed. Jake chugged his beer before speaking. "Very good, amazing actually." He giggled.

Did he really just say that? "Oh my God," I wailed.

"Humina-humina!" Quil. He was _humping_ the couch. I wobbled to me feet, backing away. "Just teasing," Quil chuckled, chucking the pillow at Jake.

"Jackass!" Jacob lunged for him, unsteady, and slugged him with the cushion.

"I couldn't help it," Quil cackled. "We've seen what she does in your mind." Jake tackled him and they wrestled on the floor, provoked by the others cheering nearby. Jake won, as usual. Quil struggled to stop laughing in the corner.

"I'm sorry," Jake whispered, titling forward as he sat beside me. I remembered the wolves had changed the rules; they, meaning the men, had to drink quite a bit of the monstrous Vodka bottles each time they refused to so something. And I think the rules were completely disregarded anyways, because everyone was drinking. Jacob was intoxicated, finally. And, for some reason, I wasn't really bothered by the fact that he'd told them I gave a hell of a blowjob. I was fucking exhilarated by his confession. It was, without a doubt, the alcohol talking. I was already dizzy and more uncoordinated than usual.

The game continued on. Jake was extremely giddy. He laughed at everything. Now, you have to know that Jake has the most contagious laugh and smile in the god damn world, so we would join in, near tears, clutching our stomachs.

We took a break from the game, and shuffled outside for fresh air, obnoxious, and having a fabulous time.

Bella Swan was plastered for the very first time. World, you have every right to be dumbfounded.

Carmen was lying on the grass with Brooke. Seth stumbled over an obvious rock formation and fell on his face, before eventually giggling with them. I was absentmindedly drawn to Julius, and whispered in his ear. "Do you think I'm hot? You were going to kiss me earlier." He swayed backwards as I pushed all of my weight against him. "You know you want it." My hand reached for his belt.

What the fuck was I doing? God, I was so out of it.

"Whoa!" Jacob yelled. How the hell was he sober? Did he recover that quickly? He grabbed me and pulled me to his chest away from Julius. I faced him…My Jacob.

Suddenly, my _alcohol-brain_ was causing my body to be way more aroused by Jacob than anything. I sucked on his neck, shoving him against the sliding glass door with more force than I knew I possessed, and grinded against his crotch. "Jesus…fucking…" He moaned and kissed my lips. I ravaged his mouth, twining my hands through his hair, hands slithering across his chiseled, bare, and scorching hot chest. Forgive me if you find it offensive that I love my boyfriend's body.

Quil nudged us apart. I glared at him, ticked off. His response: just as he began to descend the patio steps, he spanked my rear. I grinned at him, catching myself on the rail before I lost my balance. Jacob growled threateningly at him…and me…the both of us. I turned back to him, in awe of how sexy he looked when he was riled up and turned on all at once. I frowned. "I only want you, Jake," I whispered raggedly as I approached him in hopes of kissing him again.

He stopped me with my hand. "Bella, later. You need to cool down." He blushed. I stomped my foot and careened towards Seth. My stupid, alcohol-induced mind caused me to jerk Seth towards me. His eyes couldn't focus on me. "Maybe Seth will give me what I want." I tripped over my own feet. Jake caught me. "Bella Swan is drunk? This is not good," he laughed into my ear and brought me to his chest, massaging my thighs. I moaned against his neck. I wanted him badly. Did alcohol do this to everyone?

* * *

_(Jacob's POV)_

Jesus fucking Christ, Bella, sweet Bella, was _drunk as fuck_. She'd felt up Julius (and I had no doubt he wouldn't stop her. He was one of those guys, as much as he loved his girlfriend), practically fucked me against the wall (if we weren't surrounded by people, and were alone, even if it was outside, and if she wasn't under the influence, I would've obliged. My Bella wouldn't subject herself to that though…maybe), she'd allowed Quil to smack her ass (I was kicking his own tomorrow), and almost made out with Seth (poor boy…).

I was jealous. But, I was also incredibly amused. She was much more forward when tipsy. This might be an interesting thing to observe as the night ends and we likely end up having sex in Julius's spare bedroom. Or right here in the lawn, the rate she's going.

I could smell that she desired me, even though she was copping a feel on the other guys. I didn't want to take advantage of her, but she was my girlfriend and we were having sex at least two times a day, and if she wants it…

Okay, I'll let her make the first move (Oh, wait, she'd already done that).

Right now, she was rubbing against me like a fucking cat as we headed back inside. And I was hard. I was mildly drunk myself and couldn't help but press my crotch against her cute ass, nibbling on her ear. I swear this girl, the fucking love of my life, was the one girl that could make me _come in my pants_. I kid you not. And I was fearful of that happening (fuck off, I'm a teenage boy), as Autumn, inebriated herself, declared Bella's dare. "Give Jake a lap dance."

I expected Bella to turn down the command, but I remembered her brain was a bit clouded and she was hot as hell for me right now. She beckoned me to follow her as we retreated to a chair beside the bar. Wait, they were going to watch this? _Please keep your clothes on, Bella_. Her body was for my eyes only. She forced me into the chair. Not that I'd reject her if she was about to have to her way with me, but she was a bit stronger when she was intoxicated. Didn't alcohol usually have the reverse effect?

She straddled my lap and gazed alluringly into my eyes, chewing on her lower lip. Our eyes never parted even as she spoke. "Julius, play a song." Seconds later the lewd 'Wait (the Whisper Song)' began to blast through the speakers.

Holy fucking shit. She was going to give me a lap dance, to _this_ song? I'd made Bella fucking sexual freak (Paul was right). As the beat resonated, she rotated her hips against my groin, arms wrapped around my neck.

One of the most unique things about Bella and I is that sex for us can be done with just the eyes. It's the fucking sexiest thing ever.

God, my dick was hard. Little Jake (not that little…by all means…Shut the fuck up, I like my body. Blame it on the sudden growth spurt due to my genes) was constrained against my shorts (it's so painful…the fabric and the sensitive skin and the chafing…damn it all). She continued to grind her crotch against me to the song. This girl knows my body. Bella was now rather familiar with how parts of her body worked (What can I say, I'm a great teacher). Her center was aligned with my cock. She breathed a stream of obscenities in my ear before casting her head back and continuing swiveling her hips. Now, she was bouncing up and down in my lap, as I tightly held onto her hips. _Hold it, Jake_.

When Bella, sweet, sexy Bella rode me…God that was a dream come true that night.

One of the many thoughts I'd had that finally occurred (unfuckingbelieveable still) since she agreed to be with me.

Yes, I can be cheesy too. I prefer to speak my mind more so than glamorizing my words though. There's a difference. Just ask Edward Cullen and his fashionable, romantic, classy, and historical self (heavy sarcasm implied there, folks). The stuff that spilled from his mouth when he was wooing Bella was just…What the hell, seriously? 'And the lion fell in love with the lamb' and all that bullshit, as well as a bunch of big words I didn't even understand. Tell it like it is, that's my fucking motto. (Bella used to talk about him all the time, thus the reason why I know this shit. I love how things have changed).

Oh shit. Bella was bent over in front of me, dancing like at the club. I pulled her hips to my lap, becoming so lost in her that I forgot we weren't alone. Her legs were on either side of my body. I was granted with a wonderful view of her ass. I'm an ass-guy, okay? Round…small…

She faced me, head level with my crotch as she stroked my thighs, peeking up at me through heavy lidded eyes. She was rolling her hips as she traveled back up my body, eyes locked on mine. She straddled me again, still moving her hips. My hands enveloped her waist and her shirt slid up, exposing a tantalizing sliver of her stomach as my hands caressed the skin there. She had the softest skin. Everything about her was perfect, as much as she didn't believe it. And after all this time of 'waiting in the wings,' she was with _me_, and I could do what I wanted with her, sexually, and she let me. She loved touching me and being with me and everything else, like I did when it came to her.

My inner wolf was begging to end the foreplay and get to the main event, which would involve a bed, me, and Bella confined in one of the rooms upstairs. Besides, everyone would be too gone to hear anything. That was one of the best things about making love to Bella; she always let me know with tiny moans, gasps, or movements that she liked what I was doing. Every female's body is distinct, acts differently to a touch. Discovering what Bella liked was one of the greatest adventures I'd had. I'd do anything to please her.

The song came to a close. I grasped her rear and thrust against her as she kissed me, moaning. "Please, fuck me," she pleaded, breathing heavily against my lips

"Of course." I scooped her into my arms as she attacked my neck with her mouth. My companions were gawking after they'd watched her show. "We're turning in for the night. You all should too."

Bella, innocent (as if), Bella had said the words "fuck" and "me" consecutively; I would do what she asked.

_**(A sex scene was here, but because of fanfiction's guidelines you will have to go to my BlogSpot OR my group for this story on JacobBlack-n-Pack linked in my profile to read the scene. JacobBlack-n-Pack has full chapters and BlogSpot will just have the scenes. I hear they're taking down the more graphic stories here, so to be safe, the scene is there. I know it's annoying, but I'd rather not have this story deleted)**_

* * *

_The morning after_

_(Bella's POV)_

I awoke the next morning and my head throbbing like it had a pulsing weight inside of it. I was in a different bedroom other than Jacob's or mine. I tried to raise myself off the pillow, but grimaced, whining, and clutched my forehead. My head was like lead as I fell back against the bed.

My first hangover. I didn't remember much of anything that had transpired last night. I freaked out and looked beside me, the high noon sun piercing my eyes. Thank God Jake was in bed with me, naked, not Quil or someone else. I buried my head into the pillow, craving sleep, food, water, and pain pills.

"Good morning, sunshine!" Jacob greeted me, too enthusiastically. I peeked up at him from my pillow to see his bright, smiling face.

"Go away." I pulled the cover over my head. He prevented me from doing so and tugged the blanket back down, perching on his elbow.

He grinned. "Autumn's hang over cure is brewing downstairs. I can smell it."

Oh. We were at Carmen and Julius's house. "What did I do last night?"

"You don't want to know," he snorted, sagging back into the bed.

"Oh God," I squeaked, blushing. "Tell me."

He laughed nervously. "Well, obviously we had sex…" He gestured between us.

"That's nothing new," I snickered, stroking his leg with my foot instinctively and shifting closer. I suddenly had a flicker of him and I having really fast, almost rough sex, with me on top. Did I really strip for him and touch myself? "Oh my God." I nestled my head below his jaw.

"You remember."

That explained the familiar ache in my abdomen, strained from sexual activity.

Another flash of me giving him a lap dance, which isn't a big deal, except it was in front of all of our friends. "Oh my God," I yelped, unable to find another phrase to describe it all. I jumped up, heating up all over, head rushing. "Ow." I gripped my forehead and fell against his chest. He pulled me to him and kissed my forehead. I angled my head up and our eyes linked. "Please tell me I didn't give you a lap dance."

"As a dare." He smirked. "You also came onto Quil…" Oh, gross. "Seth…" You've got to be kidding me! "And Julius." Oh fuck no!

"Let me die," I grumbled, humiliated.

"I'm showering." He tapped my side with his fingers. "You need to try some of Autumn's stuff. It will help, I promise." He kissed me briefly before handing me my clothes, the shorts and shirt, and climbing out of bed.

"I could use that." I pulled my shorts over my hips, much more comfortable naked around him since we'd made love before we'd came back to Forks. I paused as I reached for my shirt; Jacob was already walking to the shower. "Jake, how come you're not hung over?" I said, confused.

"I'm a wolf, Bella. I can't. Trust me, I've tried to drink to forget, but I remember everything no matter what." Canada. Of course. Its funny how bringing up Canada wasn't so horrible anymore, even though I was still upset over the 'girls.' _Don't think about it, Bella._ _There's nothing you can do now._

I twisted into my shirt before embracing Jacob. "If you take a long enough shower, I'll join you soon." My hands floated across his chest and I chewed on my lip, unmistakably eyeing him up and down, blushing as my eyes landed on his morning-wood.

He kissed me. "Will do," he said against my mouth, hands creeping beneath my shirt and cupping my bare breasts. I shivered and reluctantly removed his hand and pulled away. I walked leisurely to the kitchen, so as to not jar my heavy brain too much.

Autumn was pouring something into several glasses. She was in her clothes from the night before, looking as exquisite as always. How did she do that? How did she look perfect all the fucking time? Julius was leaning over the bar, in a huge silk robe, gulping some of the substance. "Look who just completed the walk of shame."

I glared at him. "Fuck you."

Autumn chuckled and handed me a glass. "Drink up."

The others were passed out. Seth and Brooke were snuggled, in one corner on the pull out couch, with a miniscule amount of space between them. Rachel was lying at the foot, arm hanging over the edge. Embry was asleep in the love seat, legs drooping over the side. "Where are the others?" I sipped the offensive looking liquid, shocked it tasted excellent. Autumn and Julius stared at each other before bursting into fits of laughter.

"Carmen and I actually made it to our room last night, unlike everyone else," Julius sniggered, sounding sluggish.

"Paul is sleeping on the porch and Quil is passed out naked in the yard," Autumn suppressed a laugh.

My mouth gaped. "You're kidding."

Julius shrugged. "Wish we were."

I scrutinized him as I sat on the stool, back against the bar. "I thought werewolves couldn't get drunk?"

"Oh we can," Julius explained, taking a swig of his drink and glancing at me. "We just recoverfast."

"But…" I gestured outside, giggling as I noticed Quil's body in the backyard.

"There's only so much we can take before our body decides it needs to shut down to heal itself. Thus, we pass out. No hangover though. I just like this stuff..." He raised his glass. "I didn't get much sleep last night." He winked.

"Interesting concept…" I changed the subject. "So, who won truth or dare?"

"I did," Autumn said smugly.

"Of course, you did!" Julius let out a barking laugh. "Fucking half-breed," he muttered under his breath. She backhanded him. He flinched, gripping his shoulder. "Ow!"

I finished my drink, listening to the shower upstairs, and stood to my feet. "Now, if you'll excuse me…" I pointed above me. "Someone's waiting for me." I skipped upstairs.

"In my home?" Julius called after me, joking. "I'm appalled!"

"Yeah right," I laughed "I already had sex under your roof, so why not?"

"You have a point. Go at it. Just not too loud, like last night, please? We were all very disturbed."

I blushed, unable to say anything else. I really needed to work on that…

Not.

_**/END FLASHBACK**_

* * *

___Back to the present_

_Art festival, NYU/NYC_

_(Bella's POV)_

I took a chance at dressing up again, reminding myself I did have a boyfriend. I wore a dress I'd recently bought from SoHo (Ashley's fault), blow dried my hair, and coated my face with a moderate amount of makeup. Kyle, Jeremy, Ashley, Angela, Tiffany, Alicia, and I were strolling down the road to the park near campus, where the festivities would take place. The night was warm, although there was a faint breeze. Jeremy laced his fingers through mine and wrapped an arm around me. I grinned at him. Except for the small amount of torches lining the park, the only other light was the full moon overhead. Artists displayed artwork, sketched people and the landscape; there were crafts, linens, everything you could possibly make with your hands was present along the sidewalk. A wooden section, erected in the center of the park supported live band playing slow songs, and the occasional fast one, as people danced. It all combined to make a rather romantic setting, and although I was dating Jeremy, I was thankful my other friends were here. It'd been a few months, but I was yet to become comfortable with other things besides flirting, hand holding, cuddling and chaste kisses on foreheads, hands, and cheeks. I did relish his company, but I hated that it didn't feel right.

We explored the area for a couple of hours, goofing off (especially my roommates), and having a pleasant time. As the night died down, we headed to the dance floor. Ashley and Kyle moving to the Waltz, stiffly, and hysterically (they were good actors. Ashley had to be, since she was majoring in that field. That was their 'thing'). Alicia and Tiffany swing danced; I could hear Tiffany counting the steps as they twirled around laughing. Angela watched from the sidelines

Jeremy extended his hand. "Shall we?" I nodded and blushed before taking his hand. He smiled as we approached the thinning crowd on the dance floor.

I rested my free hand on his shoulder as he lowered his hand to my waist, gently pulling me closer. _Thank you, Edward, for showing me how to do this…but…_ "I can't dance," I said so fast he could hardly hear me. I blushed and glanced at him. "I-I might trip over your feet."

"Trust me." He stared into my eyes. We continued to move to the song, following the traditional slow dance step, which involved swaying back and forth in a circle. I could keep up, although I crushed his foot twice (yeah, with all 100 pounds of me), resulting in the two of us falling into fit of giggles.

* * *

_(Angela's POV)_

I'd taken a break and sat on a park bench with the others. Kyle was on the back, legs resting on the seat and sharing a cigarette with Ashley, who stood with Alicia nearby. Tiffany was beside me. I wasn't a fan of 'the cancer stick,' but both of them had started smoking the second they turned 18, although they only smoked maybe one or two times a week.

"They're cute," Kyle said, handing the cigarette to Ashley, his eyes focused on Bella and Jeremy. They were spinning in a circle, talking, and laughing. I leaned forward supporting my head on Kyle's knee. Benefits of having a gay guy friend: you can cuddle with him and he won't want to have to sex with you. "I am so glad he got her to go out with him," I snickered. "She was almost…lonely."

"Something doesn't seem right." Alicia tucked her hands into the pocket of her vintage sweater dress.

"Yeah," Tiffany commented. "I can't pinpoint exactly what it is though." I felt like a voyeur; all of us were watching Bella and Jeremy.

Ashley had been silent the entire time, a tremendous feat for her. She spoke up, observing the two closely, dazed. "Because she's not in love with him," she whispered, blunt as ever.

Kyle arched an eyebrow. "Well, it's only been a few months, darling."

That's nothing. I remember in high school, it seemed Bella had fallen for Edward Cullen within three weeks of meeting him.

I kept my thoughts to myself.

"I know that." Ashley flicked a cigarette butt at him. "I mean, she likes him, and it's cute and child-like, shiny and new, but she's never going to love him as much as she's capable of."

Alicia draped an arm around Ashley. "Why so depressing, baby? Where's your optimism!"

"But you see it don't you?" Ashley's observed each of us. "You know I'm right." She turned to the front, eyes back on the couple. "Jeremy knows it too."

"Does this have anything to do with me walking in on you holding Bella, who was sleeping, looking a 'hot mess' earlier this summer?" Kyle crossed his arms, glowering at Ashley.

She rolled her eyes. "It's none of your business, Kyle."

"Like hell it is!" He took a puff of his cigarette, eyeing her. "You're a bitch, but I love you." He suppressed a laugh. She smiled.

My eyes unwillingly watched Jeremy and Bella some more, and I saw it too, what Ashley had been saying. Bella was almost uncomfortable, like it wasn't appropriate that he was touching her. But, her body language also said she was in to him, and things were progressing between them with caution.

I reminisced back to the day Bella left her own wedding. I remember the commotion that followed when she didn't appear at the music's crescendo. Edward had been heartbroken. I heard about her return from Mike Newton. He'd been at a small diner outside of the La Push reservation and had spotted Bella with Jacob Black, who I'd had the pleasure of seeing a few times. He'd been Bella's best friend. Mike had said they had been cuddling and were 'sickly sweet,' and 'crazy in love' when he stumbled upon them. 'It was so obvious,' he'd said. Was that it though? That boy from the beach so long ago, shortly after Bella first moved here? The man who had arrived to our school on a motorcycle, in which Bella had leapt onto and rode off with him? Had they actually been together and then broken up? Why hadn't she told me this?

Ashley knew something, and it was irritating that she kept silent about it. But, maybe it was better off that way. My suspicions were confirmed as I watched the scene unfold before me: Bella was obviously attached to someone else, quite a bit.

* * *

_(Bella's POV)_

Jeremy and I had been dancing for a while, my head beneath his chin and his cheek against mine before I noticed he was looking at me.

He was giving me the 'I'm ready to kiss you' look.

_No, no, no! I'm not ready! _My mind silently screamed.

His lips inched in closer and his eyes shut. I trembled, nervous, but I'd been so deprived of affection for so long, I subconsciously leaned forward and our lips touched. It was a gentle peck, and yes, I felt a tingling sensation where he'd touched them, but not like with…

I don't know what possessed me to open my mouth and deepen the kiss. Maybe it was my urgency to move on, which was hopeless, because I wasn't fully capable of doing so. He stroked my cheeks and my hands were splayed across his chest, fighting with my brain to not move anywhere else. That's when I got distracted, and another face materialized in my mind: Jacob. It was only worsened because I'd heard his voice a few hours earlier.

I pulled free from Jeremy's mouth, realizing my cheeks we damp with tears. "I'm sorry." I shook my head, cupped my mouth and walked away.

He grabbed my arm. "Bella, wait."

I turned towards him, crying. "Please, let me go."

He squeezed my hand. "Was it me? Was it too soon?"

"It was all me." I freed myself from his grasp and trudged back to the apartment. The others jumped to their feet, itching to follow me. Kyle and Ashley flanked my sides in a second.

"What the hell was that about?" Kyle said, puzzled.

Ashley gripped my hand. I faced her as Kyle stood behind her. "Bella, talk to me."

"Please, Ashley, I need to be alone right now." A sob tightened my throat. She released my hand and I speed-walked back to the apartment, alone.

I collapsed on the curb outside the building and brought my head between my knees. "God damn it!" I yelled to no one in particular. "Why can't you let me move on? Fuck!" I chucked my heels against the sidewalk.

I liked the kiss, I did. But there wasn't an electrical charge- the kind that courses through me, eliciting every feeling possible within me, there was no animalistic passion, no love behind it. From his side, yes, but from me, it was only a feeble attempt to feel more than a crush for someone else. And I did have feelings for Jeremy! But could allow myself to move on when what I'd had was the closest to perfection, despite the imperfections beneath the surface? Because, the fact that Jacob and I were both imperfect beings, that made us perfect for _each other_. Would I ever experience that raw, true feeling of love again?

My thoughts journeyed in to forbidden territory, and I reflected on a night almost two years ago that had tied me to Jacob.

And I was bound so tightly, I couldn't kiss another guy like him, or touch a guy like I had when it came to him, because I was still in love with him.

What the hell was wrong with me?

* * *

_And I'd give up forever to touch you_

_Because I know that you feel me somehow_

_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be_

_And I don't want to go home right now_

_**BEGIN FLASHBACK/**_

_December 5__th__, almost two years ago_

_Autumn's old house_

_Georgia_

_(Bella's POV)_

Bliss seemed to be the only word I could think of to perfectly describe the state I was in as I rested peacefully on my side, partially beneath the covers in my bedroom at Autumn's. I was almost anguished that I wouldn't see this house again.

Tonight was one of those nights you never want to end, even if, just a few minutes ago, when I'd had my eyes open, it was nearly one in the morning. I was relaxed, nude; the sheets were comfortable, warm. I felt phenomenal and beautiful. My muscles were pleasantly achy.

I'd just made love to Jacob Black. He wasn't beside me at the moment (it took a lot of convincing from him directed towards me to allow him to leave the bed); he'd gone to get some food (He ate every few hours soI had to let him).

And it had been a spectacular experience.

I wasn't a virgin anymore (Is that a hallelujah chorus I hear in the background?). It was unfathomable that we were one now, nothing could change that. He was physically a part of me. It was sheer joy and ecstasy, feeling his skin on mine, no guards, no walls, no nothing- just us. Jake and Bells. I was in love with him. Like a balloon inflating in my chest, my heart swelled. I sighed deeply, snuggling further under the covers, smiling, and inhaling his scent. God…the things he'd done with his mouth and his hands…and…do I really need to say it? I pressed my knuckles to my mouth as I giggled, warmth flowing from every pore I had, cheeks flaming. My whole body burned with a comfortable heat. We'd just finished round four…I think? I'd lost track. Oh God, and that sensational feeling in my abdomen! I knew I'd be in pain when we'd finally decide to wake up tomorrow, but right now it felt terrific. My muscles had never been used like that.

I dozed off, barely acknowledging a heated body slide in beside me, stealthily. A second later a camera flashed. My eyes opened and I leaped up as the camera snapped pictures in succession. Jacob fucking giggled, ducking as I smacked his chest. "Turn that thing off, Jake!" I couldn't help but laugh and smile and be as silly as he was, even as I shielded my chest with the sheet, reaching up for the camera in his hand. He didn't escape the bed and I crashed into him, lying above him. I pressed my entire body against his.

Euphoric, I kissed his mouth, slowly, paying special attention to each section of his lips as his hands threaded through my hair. A jolt of electricity flowed to my core and I rubbed my hips against him, tracing a path with my mouth to his ear. I brushed a strand behind my ears and skimmed my fingers against his lips, open wide in a smile; I even outlined his canines. He reached behind me to shut off the camera.

"Jake." I beamed. "I was trying to take a nap." I pouted, nuzzling the side of his face.

His smile was so big I had to return it. My own personal sun. "You looked fucking beautiful." His cheek tinted red. I couldn't stop smiling as I pinched his cheek and kissed him again. He lifted me so I lay on my side, angled towards him. His arm looped around me and he pulled me closer. He kissed me and before I knew it, he had the camera in his hand again. I disconnected our lips and smacked his arm. He chuckled. "You distracted me, jerk!"

"Just one more," he pleaded. Stupid brown, puppy dog eyes. _Puppy dog_…ha.

"Fine, but you have to convince me the camera's not there." I watched him carefully as he tied the camera to a string dangling from the fan above our heads.

"It's going to go off in 15 seconds. I can persuade you enough." He laid back down and enveloped my frame with his arms, before kissing me and smiling against my lips. "Is it working?"

I smirked. "Yes." I rubbed my nose against his and kissed him, gazing into his eyes. The camera took the photo.

He retrieved it and I already missed the feeling of his body next to mine. I kept a hand on his back at all times. "You better swear those pictures don't get out to anyone." I jabbed his nose with my finger.

"I promise." He gave me a 'don't doubt me' look as he zipped the camera into his luggage.

"Come back here," I purred, seductively, hair fanning around me against the pillow, watching his form with my eyes, every muscle, and every line. I extended my hand. He wove our fingers together as he joined me beneath the sheets. He peered into my eyes adoringly as he caressed my cheek, poised above me. I kissed his fingertips.

I took in the features of his face, his tanned skin, and the feel of his body against me. "You are so beautiful," I whispered.

He smiled, shyly. "Not 'sort of.'"

I laughed, recalling that moment. "Definitely not," I said, lovingly, before pulling his face to mine for another kiss.

"Well then, if I'm beautiful, I don't know what you are." He chuckled against my lips.

For several minutes we just lay alongside each other and kissed, slowly, lips between lips, tongues dancing, hands exploring. No sex. My smile hadn't worn off and I was becoming more aroused as time passed. I increased the intensity of our kisses. "Jake," I moaned.

"Hmmm?" He eased open his eyes, murky with desire.

"Tell me what you like about me." He arched an eyebrow. I stroked the back his neck. "Tonight's been about us breaching all barriers, becoming one, touching each other in ways we never have before, _being_ together. Besides my personality, I want you to tell me what physical aspects you like about me." I blushed.

"That could take all night." He grinned, searching my eyes.

I rolled my eyes and laughed, blushing. "How about… a maximum of 6?"

"Oh," he pretended to ponder. "This is a tough one."

"Don't get too vulgar," I warned.

"Damn," he feigned disappointment. "So…" his hand slid down my stomach to between my thighs. My walls clenched, waiting. "I can't say _this_," his finger brushed across my nub and he dipped a finger inside of me. "Oh," I moaned, casting my head back. "Not that." He removed his hand and I deflated back against the bed.

"Number six: your legs." He massaged their length, kissing down each until I was quaking mass beneath him. "You may be short, but the way you walk…" He blushed. "I like it. And they look fantastic wrapped around me." He tickled my skin, hovering above it with his fingers, occasionally brushing against the skin. I turned my head into the pillows, embarrassed. He clutched my face so I looked at him, eyes gleaming. "Hey, no hiding!" Both of his hands latched onto my butt. "This is number five…When you wear a skirt, this feature," he stroked my mounds. "It's an ultimate turn on. You do have a fine ass, honey." He nodded his head briskly as he looked into my eyes. I was dripping with excitement. Why had I started this again? Oh yeah…I needed an ego boost. Even after sex, I was still self-conscious.

His hands clasped my own and he traced the palms and crevices of my fingers with his mouth. "Your hands are number four. You have the tiniest hands…Look…" He raised my palm and I was able to clearly see our two hands level with each other. "See the contrast?" He gestured towards them. I nodded, unable to keep my eyes off of my fingers that barely reached past his first knuckle, right where the palm ends and the fingers start. An elegant, ivory hand lying perfectly in the confines of a masculine, russet hand. We really did make a gorgeous couple. "I like the things they do," he continued, his voice calming me, as he entangled our fingers. He blushed. "…even if it's holding hands, like now, or when, you know, you're touching me," he laughed nervously. I smiled.

"Number three…" He unfastened our hands and cupped my breasts. "These." I bit my lower lip and arched into his touch. He steadied my hips as his other hand snaked around to my ribcage. "I know it's a typical guy thing, but…"

"In that case," I interjected. "You would probably want a bigger pair."

"I don't fit into that stereotype." He tweaked a nipple. Heat pooled between my thighs. "They fit perfectly into my palm." He demonstrated. My nails clawed into his forearm with pleasure, eying him beneath my lashes. His mouth covered my breasts and brought the nipples to a peak. I squeezed my thighs around his hips and his erection pressed against my thigh. "Two..." He kissed me passionately. I was _flying high_. "Your mouth." He outlined my lips. "Heart shaped, soft, tiny, wonderful…I lack an expansive vocabulary," he joked.

"Number one?" I snickered. He gazed into my eyes, reading my soul.

"Those." He kissed my lids. "Your eyes. They tell me everything. Bella, I don't think you know how expressive you are with your eyes. You have a lot of emotion in them. Chocolate brown is a pretty color too…Your turn," he sat on his haunches. I stretched before pulling him against me again, reversing our positions so I lied on top.

"And don't you dare say my cock. You know the rules," he teased

I gaped at him, red-hot all over. "I-I wasn't going to." My eyes darted to the side.

He snorted. "You were thinking it."

Okay, I was. "Shut up…let me start." I met his eyes again. "We're similar when it comes to what we like about each other, physically. Roll over," I demanded. He complied, resting his head in the pillows, glancing over his shoulder so he could watch me. I kissed, sucked, and snuck my tongue out along his back and shoulders, straddling him. His breathing increased. "Your back and shoulders…number six," I whispered against his skin, a scorching heat sifting through. "You have the sexiest shoulders. God," I gushed. "I love touching them and feeling your muscles flex when you make love to me…I could go on." _Damn, Bella, get it!_ I was changing for the better.

"Can I say," his voice was partially muffled by the pillow. So cute. "I fucking love it when you dig your nails into my back?" Leave it to Jake to say what's on his mind, always.

"I know," I rasped into his ear. "You have a nice ass too." The words slipped out. I laughed, abashed, as did he, his entire body shaking. "Turn over," I exhaled against his ear. He obliged. I discreetly avoided his crotch and moved beside him. My fingers trailed along the crevices of his abs and stomach. "These are next. You have remarkably defined abs." My fingers glided over each one- washboard abs with hard muscle and soft skin. "I'm a bit of an 'ab girl,'" I admitted, resting my head against his stomach as I peeked up at him.

"Next," I straddled his stomach; his muscles twitched beneath my privates. "Your eyes."

"Are you copying me, Swan?" He quipped.

"Pretty much." I nodded my head to the side. "And for the same reason you like mine." I paused. "Arms are next, number three." I stroked the bulging muscles of his arms. "Wrapped around me." His arms enclosed my waist as he leaned up, kissing the skin beneath my breasts. "Carrying me, holding me, protecting me…I've never felt safer anywhere else." I buried my head into his neck and he hugged me before I dropped my hands to his shoulders, and then grasped one of his hands between my own. "Your hands are second. I don't think I've ever told you this…" I fidgeted nervously with his fingers, not looking at him. "But, I-I really, _really_ like your hands, even before I knew what they could do to me."

He nibbled on my neck. "Touch you_, _make you come," he murmured, throatily.

"Oh," I groaned, biting into his shoulder and rocking my hips against his. "Let me finish, Jake, it's only fair," I pleaded. "I used to w-watch you…fix things in the garage. You have rough hands because you use them so much." I examined his hands, stroking the tips of his fingers and the heel of his palm. "You repaired a lot of things back then. You fixed me."

"Number one." I dropped his hand, and it immediately slid back to my waist. "Your mouth. Oh my God, you have no idea." I trembled. My fingers traced the contours of his lips. "Your lips are so full and you have the most amazing smile and you're a hell of a good kisser."

He smirked. "Why thank you." I almost forgot I was feeding his ego as well, not that he needed it. "What else can they do?" He added under his breath.

"Things…" My tongue dipped into his mouth

He smiled after kissing me. "What things?"

"You know…they work miracles on parts of me…all of me," I whispered. I nibbled on my lower lip. "And besides, they made me realize I was in love with you, because I was as blind as a bat to see that I was." Ha. Bats and vampires. I crack myself up sometimes.

"No need to get so dirty, Bella," he said, mock offended. "I just wanted you to say the last part."

I shoved him, laughing. "Screw you!"

He flipped me onto my back, kissing me furiously. "Say it," he insisted, voice thick with _sex_.

"Make love to me, again," I breathed, twining my fingers through his hair, sucking on his lower lip.

"Not that."

"Then what?"

He attacked my neck, positioning himself between my thighs, hitching one of my legs over his shoulder. The head of his member pressed against my entrance and he leaned closer so he was hovering above me. I rolled my hips forward and the tip of his length slipped inside of me, easily. My fingernails raked down his back and my thighs shivered with anticipation. _Further, Jacob_.

He didn't budge. I realized what he wanted me to say. Our eyes linked. "I love you."

He smiled_ my_ smile. "I love you too," he declared, before covering my mouth with his own and thrusting completely into me, sending me back into the world of sexual desire that I'd only recently began to discover.

Nothing could come close to this feeling of pure, unchangeable love I felt for him. And no one else could either.

_**/END FLASHBACK **_

_All I can taste is this moment_

_And all I can breathe is your life_

_Cause sooner or later it's over_

_I just don't want to miss you tonight._

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(A/N: Bella's outfit to the art festival and her outfit to Carmen's b-day party are in my photo bucket account/Jacob-Black-n-Pack, linked in my profile.)


	20. Oblivious

Disclaimer: Lyrics: Lying- Panic! At the Disco

(A/N: Thanks for the reviews (and birthday wishes), alerts, and faves! Keep it up! Warning: Some sexual content.)

_**(IMPORTANT: Once again, pay attention to the dates and designations of flashbacks. The flashback is mixed with the last scene…you'll see why ;D It might confuse you, since I'm mixing a scene from the present, a flashback, and lyrics all in one spot…so you need to pay attention!)**_

* * *

**Chapter 18: Oblivious**

_Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster_

_Junior Year at NYU-first semester_

_End of October_

_(Bella's POV)_

It was Halloween weekend, which would involve slutty costumes, drunken students all over campus, and parties that shouldn't be rated anything less than 'for mature audiences only.' This meant my roomies and friends would try to find something to do, and I would be dragged along, as always.

I was 21 years old. I could legally 'party,' but I didn't really have any interest to.

My 21st birthday had been insane. Ashley's parents let her rent the house for that weekend; a beachside mansion. All of my friends (and acquaintances) at NYU had been there. Thankfully, she'd invited people I actually spoke to and not random individuals I only knew by their faces. I did drink, but not in excess; I was avoiding that at all costs, especially since Jeremy had spent the whole weekend there with the rest of us. At least, he was gentleman enough to sleep in a separate room from me.

I shared a room with Ashley. We'd talked about sex, something I avoided discussing with anyone. I found out some things I didn't know about her, like how she was dropped like a toy by the guy she lost her virginity to the morning after. The only other female I'd discussed sex with, excluding the usual conversations with my mother, was Autumn. It felt nice to speak to someone who was physically there with me. Ashley had brought up the discussion in attempt to figure out what was happening between Jeremy and me.

After the art festival, months ago, when I'd broken down on the sidewalk after a particular _moment_, Jeremy showed up an hour later, where I was still in the same position. I explained to him why I reacted the way I did. Not everything, of course, just that I wasn't over someone…not even close. He accepted it, and asked me to give him another chance. I had to remind him I wasn't breaking up with him. I was just…I didn't know what I was, honestly. So, we were still together, and yes, things had progressed. I had to push things to the back of my mind; we kissed and engaged in the occasional make out session. Nothing more. And I was fine with that (or, that's what I kept telling myself). I was a girl who had cravingsand a body that would function a certain way when I didn't want it to.

I was striving to ignore the voice in the back of my head, screaming 'this is not what you want!'

It was a chilly Friday morning, one of the several nice days of the year when the sun was shining despite the cool temperature. I was sitting with Kyle, Ashley, Alicia, and a girl I'd been introduced to recently named Lindsay. She had brown hair with highlights, was Hispanic and Italian mixed, full-figured, funny, and unapologetic. We'd met her through Alicia. It turns out she was one of Lana's roommates.

"So what's she like?" Ashley interrupted my thoughts, addressing Lindsay across the table from her.

Lindsay perched her head on her elbow. "Who?"

"The blond bitch-queen?"

I snorted at her choice of words and received speculative looks from my friends. "Something in my throat sorry," I coughed.

Lindsay snickered and rolled her eyes at me. "She's not that bad once you get to know her. She's only moodyif she, uh…doesn't know you."

I arched an eyebrow in disbelief. "Really?"

She slapped my arm, laughing. "Oh shut up, Bella. I heard about your little drunken rage attack a while back."

I buried my head in my hands. "I'm sure everyone did. Lana's got a big mouth."

I noticed Kyle gawking at something to the right of us.

Ashley giggled. "Oh God, Kyle, what new hunk are you undressing with your eyes now? Details, please!"

His mouth gaped, eyes angled in the same direction. "I'd fuck that bitch in a second if she asked me to." His admission caused the four of us to spit out what we were eating or drinking (in my case) and stare at him.

I scoffed, fake offended and crossed my arms over my chest. "I thought you said I was the only girl you'd go straight for?"

I'd finally caught his attention. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder, squeezing me. "Oh, I would, darling. You're tiny and pretty…you know I would." He pinched my side. He pointed back to the same direction he was looking before. "But she's…wow."

Lindsay peered to the side. "Oh, you're talking about the sexy brunette next to Lana, right?"

"With the tattoo, and the boobs, and the body, and the tan, and the awesome eyes and the pretty mouth…" Kyle rambled on. I struggled to not look, although I was the only one who wasn't.

Alicia chuckled. "Chimera?"

"What kind of name is 'Ka-meera?'" Ashley peeked over Alicia's head. "Strange…"

"It's European," Lindsay sniggered. "Her brother's name is Julius."

"What?" I practically jumped out of my seat. "Where is she?" I glanced around frantically. As in Julius from La Push? Carmen's Julius? Julius, the werewolf? _Whoa, Bella, head rush. Slow down._

Kyle gripped my chin with his hand so I faced the same direction he did. "There, sweetie."

Standing beside Lana at a table nearby was this womanI'd never seen before, introducing herself to Lana's boyfriend and his jock friends. She had dark brown, slightly wavy hair, and midnight blue eyes I could see from where I was. Tan skin, a tattoo saying something in what I presumed to be another language on her back, the rest concealed beneath her pale blue dress that clung to her every curve. Ample cleavage, the very definition of 'breast envy,' small-chested girls like me have. Full, red lips and white teeth. Definitely not entirely white; I could see some European and Native American features in her face, which was unique. She had a thin waist and legs that were endless; she had to be at least 5'7". I would say she was beautiful, but it didn't seem to describe her correctly. Autumn was beautiful. Rosalie was gorgeous. Ashley was cute. Alicia was attractive. No, no…this girl was hot, _sexy_. She oozed a sex appeal even Lana couldn't match. It made me nervous _looking_ at her.

She must have felt all of our eyes on her because she faced us. Everyone immersed themselves in something simultaneously, but I couldn't look away. I wasn't attracted to girls, I never would be, but she had the most piercing pair of eyes I'd seen. She grinned. I instantly reversed, giving my friends my attention.

"Hey, Lana, Chimera, get over her," Lindsay shouted, motioning in a come-hither manner.

God, the girl walked sexy too- self-confident, shoulders back and smiling. Moments later they were at our side.

"Who's the friend? I think formal introductions are required," Kyle said to Lana, hostile, hand on my arm. Protective big brother instincts.; he was like a gay version of Emmett.

"I'm Chimera." She extended her hand, smiling.

"Pleasure." Kyle kissed her hand. I laughed silently to myself, rolling my eyes. "Nice tattoo, by the way."

"Which one?" Chimera laughed. "The one on my back? Or this one?" She pushed her dress to the side (it was almost completely open in the back) to reveal a tiny lily on her hip. "Or the one on…I can't show you that one," she teased. Kyle sighed, disgruntled.

Lana smiled. "Chimera's visiting from the west coast."

Chimera gave Lana an enormous, bright smile. "Lana and I have been friends since we were 12 or so, right?"

Lana nodded. "She's seen it all, done it all." She elbowed the 'hot-chick,' grinning mischievously. What _had_ she done?

Ashley leaned forward with interest. "I'd love to know." Chimera was winning over everybody.

"Lana," Alicia interjected. She called her by her first name. "What's the deal with the party this weekend?"

"I'm having a big bash tonight at the club my dad owns downtown," Lana bragged, looking at everyone but me. "You should all come- its Halloween themed, so dress sexy, slutty, scary, whatever you'd like."

Ugh, I'll pass. I don't really want to see girls strutting around in outfits that should be forbidden in public.

"I'll be there," Ashley sighed. "Kyle, you?"

"Totally." He gave her thumbs up.

"You already know I'm in." Alicia stood to her feet. What the hell? When had she befriended _Lana_?

"And me," Lindsay cut in. "I need a costume."

"That's what I'm about to go do, actually," the _blonde bitch_ said. She glanced at me suspiciously. She'd finally acknowledged my presence.

I stared at her. "Partying is not my thing anymore," I said, contempt seeping through.

"Boo," Kyle hissed, before hugging me. "I still love you."

"I'll have to pass too," Chimera muttered, sliding in next to Kyle so I was pushed towards the end of the bench, one side of my ass on it. She peered around Kyle. "Why don't you hang out with me?"

I was shocked. "I-I…"

"Why aren't you going again?" Lana glared at Chimera, interrupting my…incoherent statement. "You're no fun anymore! And you're only here for the weekend."

"I am fun," Chimera defended herself. "I've been going through some changes…" She grinned up at her. "I told you that."

Lana rolled her eyes. "Whatever." She left. My friends said goodbye to me and departed, in search for costumes to prepare for the night. No college student would turn down an excuse to go to a party no matter who was hosting it, except me, of course.

I stood up and tucked my hands into my NYU sweatshirt, staring at the ground. Chimera stopped me from walking away. "Hey, I didn't properly introduce myself to you." She had a sweet voice; it sounded so young. I glanced sharply at her. God, I was short. "Chimera." She thrust her hand out.

Why the hell not? "Bella." I shook her hand.

"Really?" She looked confused. "Odd…"

"What?" I asked, bewildered.

"Must be a coincidence," she shrugged. "Come on, you can show me around."

"You don't even know me."

"Um, so? Are you afraid of getting to know more people?"

Yes. "N-no," I shook my head.

"Then come on." She nodded her head in another direction. She offered her hand to me; I grasped it.

"You're really blowing off a party to spend time with someone you've just met?"

"It's not like I haven't done it before," she said under her breath. She released my hand as we strolled down the sidewalk. This girl maintains eye contact- it was intimidating. She looked bitchy, but she wasfriendly. How was that possible? Maybe that side hadn't shown yet. Besides, every girl has a bitch hidden within, waiting to be unleashed. I would know.

"Lana's a bad influence." Chimera gazed up at the sky, chipper. "But, it's my fault." She smirked.

I paused. "You were _that_ kind of girl?"

"It's not something to talk about in public," she said from the corner of her mouth. "We'll go back to the apartment and discuss it then."

"Wise," I said, sarcastically. "Opening up to someone you barely know and inviting her to the home of the girl who hates her guts, even though the feeling is mutual."

She laughed. It was a nice sound; it reminded me of Autumn and Rachel. She waved to a group of guys who were eating in a courtyard nearby. "I let people know how it is with me. I don't keep things to myself. What you see and what I tell you is what you get, nothing but the truth…Did you see that?" She gestured behind me to the guys we'd passed. "You kept your head down the entire time. That's not good. They were looking at you too."

"Yeah, really," I snickered, looking away. "Next to you?" I stared at her again. "Besides, I already have a boyfriend…" Boyfriend in reference to Jeremy, didn't sound right.

God, I needed help.

"So do I?" She said, unabashed. Well of course someone like her couldn't be single for very long. "That doesn't mean you can't appreciate that other men find you attractive."

Carefree, easy conversation and laughter flowed between us. Outside the door to my apartment, which was right across from Lana, Vanessa, and Lindsay's, Chimera encouraged me to hang out with her for the rest of the night while the others 'did their thing.' I was tentative at first, but agreed to shower and change into my pajamas to spend a few hours with her.

So, here I was, half an hour later, entering Lana's apartment. It was fancier than ours; there was a gigantic bar and the entire place seemed perfect for a party. Chimera greeted me with a hug.

I felt unattractive with my hair tied back, cuffed pajama pants, no-makeup and button down tank, next to her tight white, v-neck t-shirt, and low-rise pink shorts. She didn't have any makeup on either, and although her face wasn't as flawless as Autumn's, it didn't matter- she was still sexy. She had a toned stomach too, you know, the kind that there's not even a slight lump that hangs over your shorts, and it's nothing but taut skin? Unlike me. I was skinny, but it didn't mean I did have a little tummy roll when I sat down.

"You've got to be kidding me." I examined the magazine clippings taped all over the door to someone's bedroom. Cosmopolitan cutouts- sex tips. 'What a man likes,' 'what he thinks when you do this,' 'so and so positions to try.' There were pictures of couples in sexual positions, naked girls and guys, and instructions on dressing sexy.

"Lana's room." _Go figure_. Chimera grabbed my hand and brought me into the room beside it. She gestured around the room; arms wide open, showing me the guest bedroom which was hers for the weekend. It was sparse; her suitcase wasn't even unpacked. I sat across from her on the bed; she was reclined against the pillows. "My door looked like that not too long ago."

"I don't believe you," I snorted, bringing my knees to my chest, trying not to gaze enviously at her silky, tan, long, legs. _I knew I should've shaved_, I thought to myself covering my prickly limbs. It was horrible that I rarely felt the need to look presentable, or at least feel beautiful anymore. Chimera made me so insecure and I couldn't understand why. Lana had never even made me feel that self-conscious.

"Twosomes, threesomes, girls and guys, alcohol, you name it, I did it." That would be why I felt this way- heaps of experience versus only being with one guy.

She leaned back, seeming unaffected and unashamed of her past. "You don't sound like you regret it."

"Because I've learned from my mistakes, but," she beamed. "I wouldn't have met my boyfriend if I hadn't been that girl, what Lana is like now and has been for years."

"When did you meet your boyfriend?"

"A couple of years ago. He was in a bad spot." She was sullen.

"You've been dating him since then?" I gasped.

"Oh no! No, no!" She waved her hand violently. "I started dating him a few months ago."

I was confused. "But…"

"It's a long story." She stood to her feet and dug through her purse to retrieve a nail-polish bottle. "I'm painting your nails." I spread my toes out in front of me as she started to coat my nails with a shimmery blue shade. I curled a loose thread of her hand-woven blanket between my thumb and forefinger. A tribal blanket.

"Are you Native American?" I stared at her. Her lips were pursed in concentration.

She peeked up at me. "Cherokee. I'm more European than anything."

"This is going to sound weird." I rested my chin between my knees. "But, is your brother dating a girl named Carmen Fuentes?"

"Julius?" She chuckled. "How do you know him?" She blew on my nails. It tickled- my toes flexed.

"That's also a long story," I whispered, restating what she said earlier.

She didn't pressure me for information, like I was used to others doing. "Yeah, that's him." I could really become friends with this girl. "Carmen's sweet, and he's a jerk, right?"

"Occasionally." I fiddled with my big toe, now dry. "Pervert too," I laughed, remembering all the times Julius had hilariously hit on me. She laughed too.

There was brief silence. "He's been there for me," she said, solemnly. "Our parents spilt when I was 12, and he was 14. That's when I started my downward spiral. Illicit drinking, drugs, sex. I lost my virginity when I was 13 to a guy twice my age because he paid me for sex. At the time, we needed the money."

"Oh my God." I was disgusted with what had happened to her.

"I got over it. Anyways, I was born in Canada and we lived in a huge ranch before the shit hit the fan." She started painting the nails of my other foot. "It was so beautiful. It was in the mountains and my dad." Her face lit up, like a child on Christmas morning. "My father had tons of acres where I could ride horses, or go 4-wheeling with my brother, whatever we damn well felt like. The divorce happened shortly after my dad found out my mother had been cheating on him. He kicked us all out." She smiled sadly. "Julius and I supported our drunken, penniless mother for a few years before giving up. She forced him to the street when he turned 15 because…because something big happened to him the day he turned 15. She didn't know how to deal with it." That was when he transformed. Werewolf_. "_I moved out when I was 14, one year later, and began high school. Lindsay and Lana let me live with them, so I traveled back and forth between their houses." Oh my God, the wicked witch had a heart? "Lana's father was the one that got me enrolled. I was kicked out three days into the first week for getting caught with one of the teachers. Julius found me and I lived with him. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here. He was the only thing that kept me grounded. He pulled me out of that dark place I was stuck in."

Something hit me, and I had no idea why it took so long to do so. Something Carmen had said years ago, when everything was **good**. _"The only thing I remember about camp, besides Julius, was his younger sister… The girl fucking looked like she stepped fresh out of the pages of Playboy or Maxim…they were close."_

I was startled out of my thoughts as she continued. "I quit everything else by the time I was 15, but I enjoyed sex way too much by then. I still enjoy it. I have no issues with saying I love having sex to anyone who asks." She regarded my alarmed expression. "Which seems slutty, and I was definitely slutty," she laughed. "But…"

"No, it's not. Enjoying sex is different from blatantly letting the whole world know how much you like it, on a daily basis, or posting it on your bedroom door for anyone passing to see, like Lana has no issue doing. Right now, if you have changed, and you're not sleeping with various partners it's okay to say that. It's called being honest, but not so much so that it's offensive." Oops.

"Are you a virgin, Bella?" Chimera asked softly, curious.

"That's private." I shook my head vigorously.

"Bella, I just told you parts of the darkest, most personal time of my fucked up life..."

"I don't like talking about it."

"You're not, are you?" She whispered, smiling. It wasn't a bitter or mocking smile, it was one of understanding and compassion.

I gawked at her, grumbling sounds and words before eventually speaking coherently. "It was a long time ago. It's over." That one single word, two syllables…'over' settled into my chest, painfully.

She patted my legs before returning to work. Again, she didn't pester me for more information. "Julius moved away to live with Carmen, didn't he? What happened to you after that?"

She screwed the cap on the lid and laced her hands together, sitting up. "By then, Lana had moved out, so I lived with her. Stayed in Canada. Engaged in a promiscuous life style I had for a while up until about six months ago, when I moved to the U.S."

"Are you a model?" I suddenly blurted out.

"I've posed for Maxim before, their monthly 'hot girls' section." Well, fuck me, I'll be damned_. _Carmen was correct. "Other than that, I've just done studio sessions for less popular magazine and websites." She noticed my appalled reaction. "Not pornography!" She said, immediately, eyes wide. "Victoria's secret is my current gig right now. My manager wasn't too happy when I moved to the states."

"Where do you live?"

"Washington."

What the fuck? Was everyone there but me? "I'm from there."

"Is that so? You were desperate to move away weren't you?" She chortled. _No, I wasn't, I just had to; there wasn't really another option. _Thankfully, she hadn't been looking at me when she'd said that.

We talked for hours about her life, a few things about mine; I avoided Jacob, Edward, vampires, werewolves, and all that jazz, which left a miniscule amount to tell. We discussed our friends, my parents, random information.

We'd collapsed onto the bed in a laughing fest when I told her what I was like when I was drunk. She perched on her elbow, staring down at me, eyes glimmering from laughter. "You enthrall me, Bella. I've told you my whole fucking life story and all I wrenched out of you was that you aren't as innocent as you look, and a few not-so-personal things about people you know."

"I told you about Jeremy!" I said, hopeful.

"That not juicy enough." She nudged my foot with her own.

A door slammed, startling us, and we heard voices. It was already two in the morning. I'd lost track of time. "That would be the arrival of my host," Chimera leered.

I crawled off the bed. "Which means my roommates are looking for me."

She strode with me to the door and hugged me; I returned the embrace warmly. "It was nice talking to you, Bella." I flashed a tight-lipped smile and nodded. She waved politely before closing the door behind me.

How was it that I'd known this girl for a day and could already say I was friends with her and wanted to be friends with her for as long as my existence allowed?

I was grateful though that she'd be leaving in two days. I didn't need to Volturi coming after her too. It would be more lives added to their list to take.

_The Volturi_. I shuddered.

What didn't seem right? Why was something deep down telling me that I shouldn't like this girl for reasons that didn't involve the Volturi, but I should dislike her when it came to things on a more personal level? Like she was a threat, or competition? But, for what?

* * *

_Two nights later_

I'd spent a lot of time with Chimera.

She, as well as Alicia and Lindsay, had convinced Lana to invite everyone over (Angela, Jeremy, Ashley, Kyle, me…not Tiffany; she was out of town for a performance) to her home for a hang out…involving alcohol.

Alcohol and Bella Swan do not mix well.

Lana greeted us with fake enthusiasm. It's not like my friends and I were happy to be spending time with her either. Maybe she could leave. Even Vanessa there would be fine. No Lana.

Thank God Chimera lightened the atmosphere considerably with her friendliness, and all around contagious 'you can't help but like me' charm.

We were gathered at a card table- drinks in hand. Chimera persuaded me to play along. It was a game called 'I never…' The rules being a person vocalizes a true statement that begins with 'I have never,' and if any other player has done what the person said, they drink. Lana made a rule, intentionally, I'm sure to piss me off, and reveal everything I'd struggled to keep hidden: every question had to be personal or sexual.

Not good. Especially since Jeremy was with me. But, it would be too obvious if I walked out so soon. I was a horrible liar anyways, at least, most of the time. And I needed to stop cowering when it came to Lana. So I sucked it up and joined the game, expecting the worst to happen And it would, I'm sure. Chimera and Jeremy were on either side of me, and Lana was directly across from me. Fuck. This was going to be bad; I knew it. Drinks of choice for everyone: tequila, rum, or Vodka, straight up, or stirred into orange or pineapple juice or coca-cola.

Whatever. At least we were all legal (most of us). And I knew if things turned for the worse, I had my friends, boyfriend, and now Chimera, to aid me. I trusted them and I trusted her.

Kyle cocked his head in my direction. "I place my bet on Bella or Angela winning this game."

"I wouldn't be too sure about that." I stared at the table before meeting his eyes. He was squinting at me like I was mental_._ "Who do you think will lose?"

He shook himself out of his trance and his wide smile returned. "Chimera."

She laughed. "I'll hold your money to that, 'Mr. Playboy of the year.'"

Kyle pondered, tapping his chin as he held his drink with the other hand. "I have never made out with a girl." His head fell in mock disappointment. All of us giggled. Lana, Vanessa, Chimera, and Jeremy took a huge sip. I smiled at Jeremy, jabbing his side with my finger before I turned to gape at Chimera.

"I told you I've done it all." She looked at me, eyes sparkling with laughter.

"So," Ashley began, pensive. "I'm not the least bit shocked by those girls going _that_ way on occasions, but Kyle, you knew all along you were gay?"

"Yes ma'am," he said, seriously, like he was answering a teacher.

"I have never been arrested," Lana chimed in. Really? Not even for prostitution or seducing a minor?I bit my tongue, almost saying that out loud.

Lindsay, Chimera, and Jeremy drank up. I didn't know who I should've stared at first.

"Possession of a weapon," Lindsay confessed. "For protection only!" She added swiftly, raising her voice. "And DUI." That I knew.

"Reckless and drunk driving without a license," Chimera grinned solemnly. "And breaking and entering." I let out a tiny gasp, stupefied. She shrugged. "I told you it was bad back then," she whispered to me.

I stared at Jeremy. His eyes connected with my accusing ones. "Possession of illegal drugs." I was hurt because he hadn't told me. "It was years ago." He kissed my forehead.

After the discussion of how each arrest had happened died down, Ashley took center stage. "I have never had sex with the same guy as one of my friends."

A few peculiar things happened at once. Alicia and Vanessa drank up. I wasn't surprised that Vanessa had, but Alicia? Chimera and Lana exchanged apologetic and regretful looks before drinking up. Are you kidding me? I almost though they could have both been referring to sleeping with…_Don't go there, Bella._ I cleared my throat, swallowing tears.

So far, I hadn't had a drink. Lucky me.

I spoke too soon.

"Now, if anybody doesn't drink to this, there's a problem." Alicia said, eyes darting to each of us. "I have never been in love." As she predicted, we all drank to that. Ugh…tequila. I choked, coughing furiously at the burn. Chimera rubbed my back.

Just when I thought I was saved, the worst was yet to come. "Okay, you probably won't believe me," Vanessa blushed. "But, I've never performed oral sex on a guy."

Oh my God. Lana fucking instigated this! Kyle, Lindsay, Lana, and Chimera drank up. I tapped my fingers. I could lie right? Except I was shaking nervously and sweat pooled on my brow. I wasn't going to let her stomp all over me, because she wanted me to be afraid. I glared at her, slammed my hand on the table, clasped my glass in my palm, and drank. Bottom's up_._ "Really?" Jeremy snapped "And you failed to mention that to me?"

"It's not…penetration, in that sense." My eyes leaked against my will. "I'm sorry. It's too soon anyways," I whispered, loud enough so he could hear me. "You and I…we're just beginning this relationship. I didn't think you needed to know that. I'm not even close to getting _there_ yet." His features softened and he squeezed my hand.

Angela had left the room to take a phone call shortly before Vanessa took her turn, but she was back. Angela flushed all over. "I have never had sex."

I tensed. Oh God, everyone would hate me after this- at least Kyle, Angela, and Jeremy would. Kyle, because Ashley knew about this and not him, and they were both my roommates, Angela, because she was the next closest friend I had here in New York, and Jeremy, because I was with him. "Whatever," I snapped, following orders and guzzling my drink with the others. I was angryas I stood to my feet. "Excuse me; I'm going to crash for the night." I barged through the door, into the hall, marching to my apartment, blindly. I battled with the key to the door, overwhelmed with emotion. Chimera and Ashley caught up with me.

"Bella," Ashley hissed, infuriated. "You didn't have to do that."

I threw the door open and turned to her. "She proposed the game on purpose… to provoke me."

"And you gave in." Chimera wrapped a hand around my wrist.

"I'm tired of being a coward," I growled. "It would've come up in a conversation sooner or later, so why not let Jeremy know now. God, Kyle," I gasped.

He appeared, frustrated. "Is this what you wouldn't talk about to me?" His hands gripped my shoulders, eyes showing he was worried.

"It…hurts to talk about," I sniffled. Chimera wiped my eyes with the cuff of her long sleeved shirt.

"It definitely wasn'tme, so who is it?" Jeremy shouted from across the hall. "And why didn't you tell me? That's an important incident to tell your boyfriend about, Bella!" I flinched. The others parted, eyes riveted to him. Kyle enveloped me from the side, like he was shielding me. "Was it someone while we've been together? And you feel guilty because you're cheating on me?"

I stepped forward, angry tears fogging the corners of my eyes, obscuring my vision. "How could you even accuse me of doing that?" I said, grinding my teeth.

"Was it that guy you aren't over yet?"

"What does it matter?"

"It matters if you're still hooking up with him!"

Ashley placed a hand on my shoulder. "You need to cool down, Bella."

I ignored her. "If I was still with him, still seeing him, I wouldn't even be here; I'd be back home, thousands of miles away." I gasped for breath, the once healing hole in my chest tearing apart. "But I'm not, and I'm with you. I'm here_._" I unfolded my arms, stretching them to include the building.

"That doesn't…"

"For God's sake, Jeremy!" I cried, exasperated. "I haven't been with another guy, or him, in almost two years. Two fucking years ago, I gave myself away to one guy and one guy only. I haven't beenwith anyone else since him," I sobbed. Several students were watching the scene now. "But that's over. I will never be with him again," I breathed, calming down, heart splitting down the middle over something I'd forced myself to not think too much about. "There's too many mistakes I made, okay? He and I…we're done. Yes, I have feelings for him, I told you that! And yes, I'm not a virgin. I'm sorry. I like you…I might love you someday. It's just too soon." My voice was hoarse. I disappeared into my room, exiting the not-so-private hallways of the residence. I heard a few shouts (Kyle and Chimera, arguing with Jeremy?) and low echoes of conversation, doors slamming, and then silence. Kyle, Chimera, and Ashley joined me seconds later. I was on my stomach, crying, and balling my fists against my head in anger, hiding my head in the pillow in humiliation. Kyle lay beside me and stroked my hair. Ashley drew soothing circles on my back. Chimera settled on the pillows above me, lying horizontally across them. I peeked up at her, laughing as she made a face, cross-eyed, tongue hanging out.

The laughter faded into sobs. Kyle pulled me closer. "Shush, baby," he whispered, angling my head so our eyes locked. "How about tonight, the four of us camp out in the living room together. You needed to get that out, I can tell."

A tiny chuckle escaped my lips. He caressed my cheeks with his hands. "Yeah." I smiled. "I did need to 'shout it from the rooftops,' so part of the heavy burden in my chest would go-the-fuck-away. Ashley's the only one I've told." I felt her laugh into my back. "I almost told you," my voice scratched as I looked up at Chimera. "But, Kyle wouldn't have been too happy if I told that to a girl I'd only known for a day."

She shrugged, grinning. "It's not my business."

Kyle glanced at her over my head. "Nor mine."

"Do you think Jeremy hates me?" I mumbled into the pillow.

Ashley's body shifted. "He just needs some time to chill and think things over. He'll be back in a few days."

I inhaled deeply, relieved. I didn't want to screw up one of the few good things I had going for me. "Aren't you leaving tomorrow?" I stared up at Chimera; her head rested on her elbow.

"My flight doesn't leave till 1 pm. I'm already packed. I'll stay here with you for the night."

"Thank you." She cupped my cheeks and kissed my forehead.

I owed whatever higher being watching from above for providing me with the opportunity to have these people in my life. I'd be nothing without them if I'd chosen to completely isolate myself. They wouldn't have allowed it anyway.

* * *

_End of November_

I didn't keep in touch with Chimera. I wanted too, badly, but I didn't want to endanger anyone else. I'd already made the mistake of befriending Ashley, Kyle, Angela, and Jeremy. Yes, I had other friends at NYU, but these people meant the most to me that would be directly affected, if the Volturi stopped by. Stupid, careless me. But there was nothing I could do now. As Ashley predicted, Jeremy and I were talking again a few days after my outburst. I didn't tell him anything else, but we eased back into boyfriend-girlfriend status, my barriers still erected.

It was a crisp, November morning. The windows in our living room were open and the recent snow fall coated the sidewalks. New York was beautiful when it snowed, almost like a winter wonderland.

Ashley and Kyle were doing God knows what. My head was positioned on Jeremy's chest; my hand draped over his side on the pull out couch. I was clothed in my pajama pants and sweatshirt, him in his jeans and a long sleeved shirt. He was sleeping and I was observing the world outside.

Nothing had progressed further than kissing between us. I couldn't make that mistake either.

The sound of cars passing by, the wind, and the soft hum of voices became you're lullaby when you lived in the city, and it was playing right now through the window.

It wasn't like the silent serenade of nature in the mountains; the sound of nothingness; complete silence except a steady stream of breathing and two hearts beating as one. It hadn't been that quiet since…

I sat up abruptly and edged to the end of the bed. Jeremy didn't move; his chest rose and fell in a constant rhythm with every breath. I buried my head in my hands and slid my fingers through my hair. "Bella," I whispered to myself. "You have to let go." I felt tears brim my eyes.

The door flew open and Kyle and Ashley stormed in. I jumped and Jeremy jolted awake, looking around frantically.

"Isabella Marie Swan." Ashley threw my boots at me. "Put on your god damn shoes…"

Kyle hauled me to my feel as I hastily slipped on the second boot, unsure what to do. "And high tail you cute ass outside this instant." He smacked my rear as he passed me. If he wasn't gay, I swear…

"What the hell is going on?"

"My thoughts exactly," Jeremy yawned, stretching as he stood to his feet.

Ashley yanked on her own designer shoes as well and hopped around as she spoke. "There are two very, and when I say very, I mean _extraordinarily_ attractive girls waiting outside for you." She stared at me. "And they look familiar."

"W-What?" I yelped, baffled. We carried on a silent conversation with our eyes; she was referring to the photos. Did that mean…?

Kyle pushed me through door directly behind Ashley. Jeremy followed, tugging on his ski-jacket. "I swear to all of the mighty gods above, if your ex-boyfriends looked anything like that, Jeremy has some serious competition."

"We aren't talking about that," Jeremy said, clenching his jaw.

"We aren't," I reiterated.

Moments later, we exited the elevator. "You mind telling me what's going on?" I jogged to keep up with them, glancing between then.

Ashley rolled her eyes and held the door open for us. "We told you," she said to me as I passed her. "These people are either your friends, or your friends that are related to those exes."

Here we go with the ex-boyfriends again; I avoided bringing that up. I couldn't believe this was happening. Was this a trick? My heart was hammering in my chest, madly, as we came into contact with the chilly air. I shivered, reaching for the gloves stored in my sweatshirt. Kyle and Ashley were difficult to keep up with; I'm sure we would have been running if ice wasn't a threat. I would likely fall flat on my ass if I lost my footing. It was overcast out, which would make sense in the case that one of Edward's sisters was here, likely Alice. Ashley and Kyle came to a halt suddenly, and I crashed into Ashley's back.

"There," Ashley said, quietly, pointing to an area across the street, at one end of the recreational park. I noticed two cars, a rental car parked next to a yellow Porsche, prominent against the snow paved ground and landscape. The vehicles were beside each other; the borrowed car was slightly further ahead than the sporty one alongside it. A figure was between the two cars, leaning against the one closest. I could only see her back; Because of the way she was standing, the other resting on the hood of the Toyota was practically invisible; all I could see were long, jean clad legs and riding boots in my line of sight.

My heart skipped several beats. "Oh my God," I gasped. I was excited, dumbstruck. "I'm going to go with the latter." I smiled at Kyle and Ashley, referring to their guesses about the girls being the siblings of my previous relationships.

Alice. And if my mind wasn't playing tricks on me when it came to spying a tribal patterned strand of beads hanging from the boots of the other…it had to be Rachel or Rebecca. Maybe even Leah...never mind, she wouldn't be anywhere near Alice… Emily? No…Sam would never…

Whoever it was, I missed them both. I couldn't even move. I stared at them, astonished. Alice was closest. She turned around first, looking chic as ever bundled up in layers of designer clothes- her sweater, scarf, knit cap she wore were all white, and her dark jeans were tucked into high-heeled boots. She waved, beaming. She snagged the other girls attention and nodded over her shoulder in my direction.

Rachel. _Rachel_was here! Her beautiful, luscious locks cascaded down her arms and back as she leaned forward so she could see me. The creases of her familiar brown eyes crinkled as she grinned. It wasn't fake; her expression was genuine. Unlike my last visitors she was happy to see me.

I took off. "Rachel! Rachel!" I shouted with joy, ignoring the cool air burning my lungs. I nearly slipped on a sliver of ice, but instead, I skidded briefly before steadying myself. I heard them laugh. I blushed, and continued running. She managed to put one foot on the pavement before I crushed my body against hers. She let out a distressed huff of air, and fell back against the car, embracing me. We pitched forward as I engulfed her in my arms, holding her tightly. Her shirt smelled familiar; it was the scent of the Black's home. I nestled my head under her neck. "I miss you." She finally released me. I smiled. It wasn't the full on grin I hadn't shown in almost two years, but it was close enough. I hugged Alice, her tiny frame practically bruising mine, before pulling away. "How are you?"

Alice smirked. I heard Ashley gasp- vampire effect. "It's been wonderful," she sang, sweetly. "Everything has been peachy-keen." She squeezed my hand, giggling.

My eyes strayed back to Rachel, insides aching from her resemblance to Jacob. They looked so alike. "I was…mad, understandably, at first, for a while." She tapped her fingers against the car. "But a discovery…" The ring_._ "…happened and I reluctantly began to forgive you."

I nodded, smiling sadly. "I miss you so much. You have no idea." My chest throbbed.

She approached me. "I can't speak for all of us, but _I_ miss you."

"I expected as much," I laughed, hollowly.

Ashley politely invited them inside, away from the cold, for a short while and they agreed, so we wandered back inside. Jeremy seemed out of place, but proceeded to walk in front of me with Kyle and Ashley. Ashley chatted with Alice, who'd grabbed her attention with the old-fashioned boots she was wearing. Shopping and clothes were the keys to Ashley's heart, at least, most of the time.

I stayed with Rachel at the rear. I couldn't stop staring at her.

Her cheeks darkened. "What?"

I shook my head. "I-I-I…I just…I haven't seen you in a while."

She laughed. I hadn't heard that sound in years. It rumbled through me, warming my lungs, my heart. A mini-movie of memories of the Black family, the pack, and the girls, etched itself into my brain. My heart constricted as those thoughts sidetracked and ventured into _Jacob and Bella land._

I was startled, but pleased, when Rachel took my hand. I latched my other hand onto her arm and we huddled together, shivering. "It's so strange," she giggled. "I'm so used to heat that this weather is uncomfortable."

I smiled grimly. "I miss the heat, too." We both knew I wasn't referring to the weather.

"This city is gigantic." She looked around. "I swear, driving here from the airport was an adventure. There are so many people and buildings. It never ends!" She laughed, before looking at me. "How the fuck did you get used to it? Forks could be multiplied, like, hundreds of times and still not fit in this place."

I snorted. "It's been a couple of years, Rachel…I'm getting there." A pause. "Aren't you angry with me?"

"Oh yeah, definitely," she said, glaring at me. "But, I'm really happy to see you though, and I didn't except to be." Our eyes met. "Once I leave, I'll go back to being infuriated. I came to check up on you."

"With Alice?" I looked ahead, indicating my vampire-friend.

"Oh hell no. Paul was pissed in the first place that I left without him. He was even more riled up when I told him I stumbled across Alice Cullen's car parked in front of your apartment. He said he'd rip her head off if she tried anything."

I shuddered at the gruesome image imbedded in my mind. "I believe him."

"Then, my baby brother decided to scream at me over the phone for an hour straight."

I chuckled.

"I yelled back and hung up on him. He didn't want me here either."

I cringed. "I believe that too."

* * *

In true Alice Cullen and Black family fashion, Alice and Rachel were quickly becoming the new favorites among my group of friends, and only over the course of a few hours. My other companions, who were known for stopping by each other's homes at unscheduled times during the day for a few minutes, were now fascinated with the sisters. Once it was confirmed by everyone (on their own) that Alice and Rachel were related to Edward and Jacob, the questions were numerous, although I'd successfully convinced them to keep quiet. Alice and Ashley were inseparable as the night ended, and Rachel challenged Angela, Kyle, and Tiffany to Dance Dance Revolution.

I'd decided to make dinner, alone, hoping Alice and Rachel would eventually drift in to speak with me separately and explain why they were really here, and how things were going.

Jeremy had left the moment we'd returned to the apartment. I knew he was jealous, but I also knew Edward and I had been done since I'd left the wedding, and Jacob didn't want to be with me. It would be too much for both of us if I ended up breaking up with him, or vice versa, again. I was with someone else, who I liked a lot, but I was still head over heels in love with Jacob Black. It was aggravating, painful, and depressing.

Alice found me first. "Hey." She sat on the chair at the bar, swinging her legs. I set the vegetables I'd just rinsed on the counter near her so I could talk to her while I made the salad. Multi-tasking.

She rested her chin in her hands, elbows on the surface of the table. "You're probably wondering why I'm here."

"Yeah," I laughed, listening to her, but also concentrating on dicing the veggies. I had a vampire a foot away from me; I didn't need to shed any blood.

"You look significantly better than the last time I saw you." I could feel her staring at me. "But you still don't want this."

I set my knife down with a loud clang, ears straining to hear the voices and commotion from the other room. They wouldn't be able to hear this conversation. I scowled. "Why haven't the Volturi come after me yet?" I hissed.

She shrunk back. "We don't know," she said earnestly. "You should be thankful though, Bella, that they haven't."

I blinked my tears away. "You know what hurts and pisses me off the most?"

"Because it means you left for no reason." I couldn't respond. "Carlisle still believes they haven't given up, but they keep postponing it." She was all business now.

"Any visions?"

"Nothing." Her head was in her hands. "Nothing…nothing to say they're still planning to attack and nothing to say they won't."

"I've already made too many errors," I whispered curtly, throwing what I'd sliced into the bowl and roughly swirling it together with the tongs. "I let these people in already." I gestured limply to the living room, listening to the music and laughter reverberating from within.

"I don't know what to say to that, Bella. We discussed this last month. I swore to you that the instant I had a vision of them, I'd tell you." We had. Alice called every few weeks to see how I was doing. Edward and I spoke once a month, maybe less. It was awkward beginning and ending each conversation with him, but I was at the point where I could say I was friends with him. It was gratifying.

"Why did you come to see me?"

She sighed. "Besides wanting to see you, I had a vision that you returned to Washington…permanently. It ended after that. I can't see what happens."

I was confounded. "I-I move back to Forks?"

"I don't know when or why."

I wanted to ask more questions, and every bit of information I could out of her, but I couldn't.

Rachel snuck in, cuing Alice to leave. Alice smiled at me and nodded to Rachel as she passed her.

"Bell-_aaa_," Rachel crooned and sat beside me at the counter, forcing my lips up into a thin grin.

"I'm sorry." I wiped my nose with the back of my hand, covering the salad with plastic wrap.

"I haven't forgiven you, Bella, I said that." I recoiled and washed the knives. My eyes squeezed shut, and my heart sped up. "None of us have. Autumn made a good argument, she really cares about you, but it's still upsetting."

"J-Jacob and I talked about this." I could hardly hear my own voice.

"I know he did. You really hurt him, Bella." I stood beside her, leaning my back against the counter, eyes to the floor. I brushed a strand of hair behind my ear.

"But you still came to see me." I dared to sneak a glance into her warm brown eyes, staring back at me, dozens of emotions flashing through them.

She inspected me with curiosity, dismayed. "I didn't know you missed him so much. I thought you were done with him."

"Him and I…" I balanced myself against the counter. "_We_ are done. That doesn't mean the feelings have disappeared."

"You're still in love with him aren't you?" She studied at me. It was a familiar, perceptive 'I'm reading your soul and your innermost thoughts and feelings' stare.

"God," I gasped, and looked away.

"What?" She slid off the counter, worried , and placed an arm on my back, trying to capture my attention.

"Y-You and Jacob have the same eyes," I sobbed. I was an emotional wreck. She yanked me into a hug. I held her close, basking in the embrace of a Black family hug, knowing I would likely never see her again.

* * *

(The following scene incorporates a flashback (and lyrics)! Do not get the names 'Jeremy' and 'Jacob' mixed up…like Bella. Lol. Here's your key:_**Lyrics- **__past (_except when I declare the time frame and POV at the beginning...obviously_)_**-**present)

_Junior year at NYU- the end of the second semester_

_Approximately 2 ½ years after Bella left Washington_

_May_

_(Bella's POV)_

I didn't recall what had gotten me into this position. My hormones were always at their peak a few days before my period. I would avoid being alone with Jeremy, in a room, or a bed more so, as much as I could during this time. But it had somehow slipped my mind.

I was wearing a dress- a flirty, knee length, sapphire piece. He'd taken me to a fancy restaurant downtown for his birthday and introduced me to his parents. His attire included a shirt and tie, quite similar in appearance to what someone else had worn so long ago.

I was kissing him, wildly, in the doorway of my room, messing with the buttons of his shirt, hands threading through his hair.

_**Is it still me that makes you sweat?**_

_I slammed into the wall outside of Jacob's room, legs around his waist, feeling that heat simmering between my thighs. He removed my legs, taking control. He kissed my mouth, my neck. I moaned, rotating my hips against him, feeling the hardness through his shorts. I was aching with need._

Jeremy's smooth, wintry hands, icy from the night outside, slipped beneath my dress.

I had no control over my body.

_...rough, scorching, large hands gliding across my thighs, igniting every nerve in my body..._

I pushed Jeremy's shirt over his shoulders and slid my hands over the skin of his chest.

It'd been so long since I'd touched a man like this.

…_fiery kisses trailing up my neck, nipping at the skin, buried in my cleavage. Me, grasping Jake's hair, bucking against him…_

I discarded Jeremy's shirt, kissing the skin of his slender, toned body.

…_my tiny hands rubbing the indents and curves of a familiar chest…soft, warm, defined…_

_**Am I who you think about in bed?**_

Now, I wasn't kissing Jeremy…I was kissing Jacob.

This is why I never got carried away.

Fuck it.

_**When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you slide off your dress?**_

I tugged the dress over my head, quivering; clad only in my bra and bikini bottoms, before sinking into the bed, Jeremy above me.

_**Then think of what you did…**_

…_my dress was ripped down the seam by huge hands that knew me all too well. I would never get tired of those fingers…_

"Are you sure?" Jeremy asked, out of breath. I didn't answer.

_**And how I hope to God he was worth it…**_

"_Enough, Bella, I'm in charge," Jake growled into me ear, pushing me against the wall, thrusting against me. "Oh," I sighed. I felt a twinge as the door knob to his bedroom dug into my back._

Jeremy's hands caressed my bra covered breasts.

_**When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as his fingers touch you skin…**_

I was lost now, imagining someone else.

This is why I'm a bitch.

…_Jake's hot mouth attaching to my breasts, my legs entrapping his waist, colliding with a dresser. There would be bruises…forgotten as his lips covered every part of my body. He stumbled with me onto the bed, hands drifting over the flesh of my stomach, fondling my breasts, licking, nibbling. I moved my hips, begging…_

Jeremy's mouth dipped lower. My bra straps were falling as he deposited kisses along my shoulders. I swiveled my hips against him, guiltily lost in my memory.

I could picture Jacob clearly now.

_**I've got more wit, a better kiss…**_

…_Panties yanked down, slung aside; Jacob's mouth where I wanted it most- my center that housed the ache I desperately longed to relieve. "Yes," I gasped, shrilly, grasping tufts of his hair with my hands, nails clawing into his shoulders, pumping my hips in time with his tongue…_

I reached for Jeremy's trousers.

_I was suddenly flipped onto my stomach. I almost rolled over, until Jacob pushed me down with one hand, gently. I heard him strip off his pants. I wanted to see him, now…_

I unbuttoned the first button of his jeans, bra dropping dangerously low.

_**A hotter touch…**_

…_Two ardent hands clutched my waist and brought me to my knees. I was on all fours. We'd never done this position before…_

His zipper came down and he continued planting kisses down my neck. I pulled his jeans off, leaving him in his boxers.

_**A better fuck…**_

_I cried out as Jacob finally pushed into me from behind. The new feeling was mind-blowing; I wrinkled the sheets between my fingers. His hands twined through my hair as his body pressed against mine, rather roughly. I liked this- he wasn't treating me like I was a glass doll. His hand was beside my own as he muttered colorful phrases in English and Quileute into my ear, hands holding my waist as he thrust into me over and over again._

"_God yes," I grunted, biting into the covers as he breathed deeply._

I drew Jeremy against me, kissing him.

"_Do you like that?" Jacob panted into my ear. _

"_Oh," I mewled as he pulled out before driving into me again completely, so hard we moved an inch up the bed. "F-Fuck." He angled his hips during every thrust, brushing against me. "Harder," I moaned, eyes shut, body tingling from the massive weight settling between my thighs. Jake's body was aligned with mine, skin against skin- his chest against my back, kissing along my neck and shoulders, ears, face…_

"_You know…" he thrust into me, lips never parting from my ear. "No one…" he pivoted his hips again. I shifted my hands, but he seized them, palms settling against the back of each, pinning me to the bed. I was gasping, moaning, crying out with pleasure, rapidly, in succession. "Will ever…" he bit into my neck, tongue slithering back to my ear as his movements increased- hurried, strenuous. I was aiming for a climax, and it was arriving…fast. His body tensed against mine, signaling he was near the 'finish line.' "Be able…" I was sweating now, my heat mingling with his, consuming me._

_**Than any boy you'll ever meet…**_

"_To touch you…" His hands crept to my sides and he released my arms, stroking my breasts, flitting down my slick, contracting stomach. With one hand supporting some of my weight, although Jacob wouldn't smother me because his hands were secured, I moved the other to the back of his head, leaning up, and arching my back so I could kiss his mouth. "Or fuck you…" he growled. I kissed him fervently as I brought his head beside mine, unable to calm down as he thrustinto me. "Or make love to you…" His hand snuck between my thighs to finish me off. _

_**Sweetie you had me…**_

"_Like I can…" My orgasm coursed through me, hard, and my insides constricted repeatedly around him as I moaned loudly, expressing my desire. He followed. Unfit to bear my weight anymore, I collapsed against the bed, my entire body quaking from the aftershocks of my climax. He bent his head to kiss the side of my face. My eyes were heavy lidded and I was incapable of breathing normally._

_He massaged my body tenderly, unlike earlier, like he was apologizing for being too aggressive._

"_Jake," I exhaled._

"_Yeah," he said into my ear, stroking my hair and kissing the corner of my mouth, other hand kneading my muscles._

_I gazed into his eyes, smiling. He was worried as he struggled to ease his own breathing. "That was…you don't need to be concerned about being like that with me…rough…it was wonderful. I'm not a fragile little doll."_

"_I know you're not." His voice was gruff. "But I'm a hell of a lot bigger than you and I'm stronger, if you forgot," he chuckled, although the slight inflection of his words let me know he was concerned._

"_You'd never hurt me." I closed my eyes, still powerless to move. He nuzzled my cheek and his hand splayed against my back, tracing invisible designs with the tips of his fingers._

"_I love you," he whispered in his native language. I knew what it meant. He'd said it so many times, and explained it to me ages ago, that I was aware of what he was saying. _

_It warmed me from head to toe, inside and outside, like a blanket of love, comfort, need._

"_I love you too."_

_**No, no, no, you know it will always just be me.**_

Just as Jeremy's fingers reached for my bra clasp I came back to the present. "I'm sorry," I cried, pulling away from him. "You should leave."

He leaned forward, head resting against the bed, before hitting it once with his fist and raising up, putting his clothes back on.

"I got carried away," I said, wide-eyed, thankful parts of me only one man I'd been romantically involved with had seen, were shielded from his view.

He took a moment to collect himself. "You stopped me though."

"We can't do that. _I_ can't." I sat, statue-like on my bed.

"You weren't there," he swallowed, buttoning up his shirt. "You never get that hot with me. You were imagining _him_."

"I'm sorry." It was all I could say before he disappeared. The second the door to my apartment closed, I curled into a ball. As much as I yearned to blame my tears and my actions, on my 'time of the month' lurking around the corner, it was utter nonsense to claim such a thing. I was emotionally, and physically, incomplete.

Of course, before I'd almost taken the next step with another man, I would imagine that night Jacob had said those words to me. _No one will ever be able to touch you or make love to you like I can. _Because he was right, and I realized that more than ever now.

Bella mistake number 2,223.

But, who was counting?

* * *

(A/N: Bella and Chimera's pajamas, a graphic of Chimera and Julius (called 'Siblings'), banners for all the chapters, and who I imagine as Lindsay, are in my photo bucket account/Jacob Black-n-Pack group for this story, linked in my profile.)


	21. Power

Disclaimer: It ain't mine if you recognize it. Lyrics: Getting Away With Murder- Papa Roach

(A/N: Congratulations to **casi-sand** for being my _300__th_review!** Warning: **There's actual, bloody violence in this chapter. What?_ Violence_? Say it isn't so!l)

_**(IMPORTANT: Pay attention to the dates, POVs, and designations of flashbacks!)**_

* * *

**Chapter 19: Power**

_Senior year at NYU- second semester_

_January, over 3 years after Bella left Forks_

_(Bella's POV)_

It was one of those nights where I was alone in my apartment. I'd clicked off the lights throughout our home, minus my room, and changed into my gray pajama shorts and white t-shirt. Although finals were months away, studying was crucial, and the workload was horrendous. I sat cross-legged on my bed with all of my books lying open in front of me. Ashley was spending the night at her parents place because they were in town. Kyle was taking his semester abroad in Florence, Italy. He would return in time for graduation, which was months away. I'd added a minor in Business, along with my major in Literature, hoping that would look good on my resume, as well as grant me more opportunities for jobs when I finally went out into the real world.

Struggling with studies, sleeping, friends, work…I'd been busy. Non-stop. And since it was the final semester, teachers saw that as an opportunity to assign us tons of projects to complete before grades went in.

After I'd stopped Jeremy at the end of my junior year, that moment had been the final straw for both of us. The following morning I broke up with him, and we remained friends, which wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. Every time things had gotten heated between us, I bailed- our first kiss was the initial example. I still hadn't let go of my past. I'd tried so hard to, but I couldn't. Memories snuck up on me, usually at the worst possible times. Friends from La Push and Forks popping up left and right hadn't helped any.

I'd only gotten so into Jeremy's kisses because for a second I would feel _his_ mouth, and _his_ hands, and I would remember what it was like with _him_. I couldn't even think of sleeping with Jeremy without envisioning someone else. The guilt would follow me like a hurricane.

I hadn't had any sort of sexual contact with a man since Jacob, and no man had seen me naked either. I could notdo it.

So, here I was, single for about a year now, and… liking it. I'd always jumped into things too fast. Except, I spent the first year and half of college single and fine, so I guess I was proving I didn't need a man again. That weight of attempting to feel for someone else was too heavy. And I was sick of stringing a guy along hoping I'd fall in love with him. Moving into forbidden territory with Jeremy had to be the biggest mistake I'd made since I'd left Washington. Breaking up with him had been the best thing to do. He didn't deserve me because I couldn't love him.

Three years later and I couldn't bring myself to say I wasn't in love with Jacob Black anymore.

I tossed my notebook to the end of my bed and fell back against the pillows, running my hands through my hair and rubbing my face. I didn't even know what he was doing. I'd talked to him, once, over a year ago. I didn't know if he was still in La Push or if he was alive_. No, Bella don't think that. Charlie or Autumn…anyone would have told you if something happened._

The Volturi hadn't visited and it was irritating as hell. Had they given up? Did they get bored with me? I hadn't even thought of them in such a long time. Were they still angry with me? Had they already attacked those I loved without coming after me first? They couldn't have because I'd spoken to Charlie, Renee, Alice, and Edward today. No changes had occurred.

I was exhausted. I shoved my books to one side of my bed and glanced at my alarm clock. It was already three in the morning. It was eerily quiet outside; there were no footsteps to be heard down the halls. I was likely the only one awake. I turned off my lamp and closed my eyes, welcoming the darkness.

I woke up minutes later (my clock read 3:13 am) because I'd heard a window sliding open from the living room. I tensed, sweat soaking my skin, and crawled out of bed, reaching for the knife in my drawer. Our apartment building had been prone to break-ins recently and I wasn't about to take any chances getting killed because someone decided they wanted Ashley's flat screen or Kyle's sound system. I eased open my door, turning the knob as quietly as possible, and proceeded to creep down the pitch black hallway, eyes adjusting to the dark. I heard voices; a low thrum, then silence. I couldn't even make out the words, it sounded like nonsense, or beings speaking in whispers human ears wouldn't understand.

I gasped and gripped the knife tighter. Had they finally come for me? I turned around the corner to see someone hunched over the refrigerator, shuffling through our food. I twisted the knife, fingers straining around it, ready to defend myself with the only protection my 5'3", barely 100 pound frame could offer. When I went in to strike the person spoke, slamming the door and facing me. "Whoa!"

I dropped the knife and it clattered on the floor. "Embry, what the hell are you doing here?"

He grinned. "Why didn't I hear you?"

Another voice came from the bar, and a blond, ivory-skinned figure swung around, legs bare. "Because you were too distracted by these…" She lifted her skirt to reveal her shimmering thigh. "And food." She rolled her eyes.

My heart pounded and threatened to break free from my rib cage. "Autumn?" I shrieked.

She smiled and stood to her feet. "Long time no see, Bella." She opened her arms and I launched myself into her embrace, squeezing her. Tears were in my eyes. "God, I missed you so much," I whispered into her shoulder as she stroked my back.

"What about me?" Embry whined. I loosened myself from Autumn's hold and greeted Embry. His arms wrapped around me and enveloped me in the heat I'd almost forgotten about, before I convinced myself to pull away. "You could've called you know, or knocked." I was so happy to see them; my stomach was fluttering.

"With that security guard armed with all those guns?" Embry snorted.

Autumn hopped back onto the bar, legs hanging over the edge. "We'd rather not be caught sneaking into a dorm at 3 in the morning when we aren't students here."

"Plus, it was more fun climbing up the side of the building and entering through your apartment's balcony." Embry winked. "Very _Mission Impossible_-like."

Autumn nudged his knee with her foot. "Stealth is how we roll." They shared a laugh.

"I'm glad my roomies aren't here. They'd wonder how you magicallyappeared in our apartment, that's on the _sixth floor_," I said, sarcastically.

Autumn smirked. "You could just say we used a big ladder or a cherry-picker."

Embry laughed. "Or the words largest land animal."

Autumn stared at him, obviously annoyed. "Don't get too egotistical, big boy."

Embry playfully contorted his body into a defensive 'ghetto stance,' arms gesturing frantically when he spoke. "Bitch, I'm the size of a motherfucking house!" He frowned, but I could see the smile shining through.

She chuckled. "Whatever, 'dawg,'" she teased, mimicking his 'gangster' voice. "I'm prettier than you."

There was a long pause as they hysterically stared each other down. Embry rolled his eyes. "You win," he muttered. A satisfied grin broke across Autumn's face.

The three of us burst into a fit of giggles before it was silent again.

My eyes directed towards Embry. "You aren't mad at me."

He arched a brow. Recognition crossed his features when he understood what I was referring to. _You aren't mad at me because I supposedly left Jacob, your pack brother (and Alpha), your best friend, for Edward Cullen. _He shook his head. "Nope." He inclined his head towards Autumn. "My girl filled me in on everything after her trip." He clenched his teeth and glared at her.

She blinked her lashes. "Sweetie, you know why I went in alone."

"I can't stay mad at you…bitch."

"I love you too."

"What 'trip?'" I said, curious, looking at her.

She sighed and hunched her shoulders. "I guess I better fill her in, eh?"

Embry nodded. "Yes, sugarplum," he snickered.

Autumn reached for my hand, hers smooth (it always had been…it was like she applied lotion to her skin all day and it stayed there), and led me to the couch in the sitting room. She sat gracefully on the end and faced me. I plopped down across from her. Embry lounged in the recliner beside us. Before I even let her get a word out, I began a game of a million questions, wanting to know everything I'd missed since I left over three years ago. "How are Forks, La Push, and Port Angeles?" I listed the places on my fingers.

Autumn and Embry exchanged a look before glancing back at me. "Same as usual. Lots of rain, zero vampires." Autumn smirked.

"So, have the wolves stopped phasing?"

"No," Embry answered. "Autumn's still around, so we still have to, even though she's not a threat…at least to us," he sniggered. What the hell?

"How are…the two of you?" I pointed back and forth between them.

The shared an affectionate smile. "Never been better," Autumn beamed, gazing at him.

I couldn't handle it. It was the way Jeremy had looked at me, although I'm sure I hadn't looked at him like that, so _in love_ like these two. If the pictures I kept stored away in my closet were any proof, I had only stared at one person with complete and utter love, adoration, and commitment.

Autumn tapped my foot. We were mirrors of each other; knees beneath us and sideways on the couch. I jerked my mind from drowning in gloomy thoughts. "How are Sam and Emily?"

"Wonderful," Autumn giggled. "They have two beautiful children, a boy and a girl, fraternal twins."

"Sam spoils the girl like I've never seen," Embry chuckled. "I can't wait until she's older. She's such a daddy's girl."

This wave of depression crashed through me like I'd never experienced. I had a fading, likely unattainable, vision of a black-haired girl, with tan skin and big, round, chocolate eyes, tiny hands wrapped around a finger and body shrouded in a blanket, tucked in Jacob's arms. Our child. I shivered before clearing my throat. "I expected they'd have two boys." I finally looked back up at them. "What about Leah?"

Autumn threw her head back, laughing. "She is having a blast! She's attending Washington State. She visits every weekend."

Embry wiggled his eyebrows. "Rumor has it, according to Julius, she's got a potential boyfriend she's hiding from us."

I chuckled before continuing. "Brady, Colin? Any new pack members?"

"They love it, like Quil when he first changed. There's a few new ones…it makes us feel old."

Autumn rolled her eyes. "Yeah, because your totally aging." She angled back to me, interrupting me before I resumed my interrogation. Our eyes met. "You spoke to Charlie recently, right?"

"I did, today." I leaned against my elbow on the back of the couch. "He mentioned he's planning to ask Sue to move in with him. He wanted my permission. I think he's old enough to decide for himself, but I do appreciate him wanting my intake."

"And…are you okay with it?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" I declared, averting my eyes from her. "My mother is remarried. Charlie deserves to be happy." Even if it's been ages since I experienced true happiness. I had been doing so well, with my new friends as support, and then my best friend decided to drop in and remind me there are others I still care deeply about out there. That seemed to be a common occurrence. First Leah, Seth, and Brooke, Jacob's call, then Rachel and Alice, and finally Embry and Autumn. I shook myself from my thoughts again. "How about Jared, Kim, Julius, Carmen?" I listed names so quickly it sounded like I was rambling.

Embry reclined in the chair. "Jared and Kim are married. One of those, 'you're my soul mate, why the hell not' type things.

"And, uh, you two aren't?" I said tersely.

"Bella, I'm going to be alive forever. Embry, as long as he's with me, will too. There's no need to rush when we're both mythical," Autumn explained. "If we get sick of it, we can off ourselves."

I lurched forward and grabbed her hands, tears in my eyes. "Don't say things like that!"

Embry rolled his eyes. "Bella, you're human." His eyes widened, like it just hit him I smelled like my strawberry and vanilla shampoo, not like a sickly sweet vampire. "We don't want to be around when everyone we love is gone. Not like _them_," he finished, bitterly, emphasizing his hate towards the 'bloodsuckers.'

Autumn glared at him. She was half-vampire. She swung around, back to me, face softening. "Carmen and Julius skipped going to college and have been around the fucking world_._ Who knew Julius had so much money?"

I remembered Chimera telling me about the ranch her father owned and her and Julius living on the streets. Had that been where he'd gotten his money from? Had he inherited it somehow?

Autumn stomped her foot. Embry gaped at her, amused. "Um, Autumn, you've got money too." She threw a pillow at him and refocused her attention to me. I was cross legged, sloping forward for more details.

"They definitely aren't getting married. It hadn't even crossed their minds. They're so young, as both of them say all the freaking time. Once they hit 30, then they might settle down," Autumn snorted.

"What about Brooke and Seth? Paul and Rachel?"

Autumn grinned. "Rachel went back to school. I'm glad she did. She's not throwing her future away because she's been imprinted on. I love that girl."

"Of course, that doesn't keep Paul down," Embry added. "He's going to school with Brooke at the community college, where Seth is now enrolled. He talks to 'his girl' ever other day and visits her every other weekend. It's so hilarious…Paul thinks he's so bad ass, and then he goes gaga every time he gets to see her, like an excited puppy."

"She finally gave in to his advances and they're really close now," Autumn concluded. "Seth and Brooke are adorable. They're such an unlikely pair…it's so funny. She stays in an apartment on campus. Leah instructed the guys to make sure Seth didn't somehow venture into her apartment. They can't disobey the Beta. This is Brooke's last year."

My eyes widened. "She went for a master's degree?"

"Hell yes," Embry hollered. "Not to mention she's on the student board. Popular, like she used to be. Seth's making new friends everyday because of her."

"Rebecca…Billy?" My chest tightened. I was getting closer to the one person I desired to know the most about. I craved reassurance he was okay."

"Rebecca's still in Hawaii." Autumn glanced at Embry out of the corner of her eye. They both knew where I was going with this. "She comes up every holiday with the hubby, and every summer, and…you get my point."

"Billy…he's alright," Embry swallowed. "He had a few _almost_ moments; he's not that young anymore. But he's still happy, emotionally, at least. Physically, it's getting worse." I kept forgetting we were all aging. Well, almost all of us.

There was a moment's silence. The tension in the room was detectable. I chewed on my lower lip and nestled my hands between my knees, quivering. "How's…Jacob?" I whispered, fiddling with a thread on my shorts. I met their eyes.

Embry beamed. "He's fucking fantastic." What?

Autumn smacked his leg with her hand and I swore I heard something crack. "Embry…seriously." She gritted her teeth.

"Well it's the truth." His eyes studied hers. "You told me she moved on." He titled his head toward me. "He can get over her too."

"She's not seeing anyone anymore and she's not over him." I blushed and ducked my head before peeking up at him.

Embry cupped his mouth, appearing to be, without a doubt, guilty about his words. "I never said he was over you." He was being honest. "I'm not as observant as she is." He pointed to Autumn.

"No, its okay," I rasped.

"He's going to college, "Autumn said. "He got his own place and he's meeting new people. I mean, it's Jacob. That's inevitable. He's got so many friends it's incredible. He still runs the Pack."

"Damn good at it too," Embry admitted. "He's getting a hell of a lot better at controlling his anger, like the rest of us…not that he ever really had a problem. Paul's working on his own rage issues."

"He's over at Billy's every night to keep him company for a few hours." That sounds like the Jacob I…knew. "He's got himself a nice car too."

Embry sneered "He wasn't the one that paid for it," he muttered, peeved. Autumn slapped him again. "Ouch! Are you trying to break my leg?" He muffled a whimper and clasped his leg.

My eyes welled up. "T-that's great. That's all I need to hear. He's fine."

I didn't know why it was such a big deal with what he was saying. Jacob was doing well. He'd more or less forgotten the pain I caused him. It hurt; my insides melded together, tight. But, he didn't deserve any heartache. I was thankful. Yes, I was bothered by the prospect of him possibly seeing someone else…or imprinting. But, my reasoning was illogical. He had every right to move on. It punctured old wounds knowing if he had imprinted, he'd be over me. I clutched at my chest as the dull ache flared and squeezed my eyes shut. I wouldn't allow myself to break down in front of Autumn and Embry when I'd been doing wonderfully. The subject needed to change fast. I asked the one question that had been plaguing my mind in its deepest corners. "Did the Volturi ever show their faces?" I trembled.

"Never. That's where I was getting. And it's the main reason why we came to see you." Autumn's lips curved upwards into a smile. Why would the thought of the Volturi make her so cheerful? Embry's reaction shocked me as well; he began to bounce up and down on his feet while seated, smiling.

I bristled. "Why are you so _glad_ about them?"

"Because you no longer have to worry about them anymore, Bella, ever again." Autumn was quaking with exhilaration.

"My girlfriend is so fucking badass," Embry quipped before becoming serious. "We owe her our lives."

I was stunned. "What happened?" I whispered, eyes light, hoping for the best shred of news I would receive. My old friends were alive, and the Volturi were off my back, for good. What had changed their minds?

Autumn hesitated. "I paid them a visit."

"You what?" I leapt to my feet, enraged. "How could you…were you out of your fucking mind? They could've killed you!" Angry tears burned my eyes. Embry placed a hand on my shoulder and lead me back to the couch and I sat down again. "Let her explain," Embry said sternly, before he returned to his seat. I sunk into the couch. A light bulb went off in my head. "But, you're here…they didn't kill you." I resumed my earlier position, pulling a pillow into my lap, grasping it. "I don't understand." My eyes blurred as our eyes met

Autumn seized my hands. "Remember what Carlisle said before you left? That he thought I was strong enough, but didn't want to test me?" I nodded, anxious. She grinned and squeezed my hands. It was a smug, satisfied, joyous smile. "I got sick of waiting around for Carlisle to prove his theory. I'm invincible, Bella. He was right."

My heart skipped a beat. "W-What? Really?"

She nodded briskly. "I'm going to show you something…it's one of my powers."

"Just one?"

"Yep," she giggled. She pulled me closer to her. Embry watched, entranced. "This is the only way I know you'll believe me when I say the Volturi no longer pose a threat to you, me, our family and friends, and your new friends."

"I trust you, always. You wouldn't lie to me."

"You're right. But, I want you to see for yourself, what happened. I'm going to push the event into you. It'll play like a movie in your head. It's a flashback of when I visited and you'll be able to be anywhere you want, invisible, obviously, like the wind, as ridiculous as that sounds. This is only the third or so time I've done this, so I hope it works." She gripped my fingers several times, almost nervous. "I want you to relax, Bella. Close your eyes." I obeyed. She continued holding my hands. "You've been the Volterra." I flinched; the memory was distant, but still evident in my mind. "Visualize the Volturi's lair your head." I felt woozy as I began to succumb to her serene voice. I did as she said and imagined their home- dark, terrifying, walls closing in. The entrance way. The throne room itself- large, high ceilings, white. I felt my body jerk forward and it was almost like I landed on my feet right in the alleyway Edward and I had been reunited in after he'd left. The last thing I heard before I was completely immersed in the memory, like I was someone else, living in that moment, actually _there_, was Autumn and the sounds from outside my apartment dwindling. "Embry, it's working."

* * *

_**Begin Flashback/**_

_Autumn and Embry's apartment_

_La Push, Washington_

_(Autumn's POV)_

I was beginning to think this wasn't such a good idea.

I selected a sparse amount of belongings and tucked them into my enormous purse and tiny carryon bag. I wasn't planning to take too long. After the 15 or so hour flight to Volterra and the one back, I would be gone, at most, two days. I just hope I could convince them to leave Bella alone before they killed me. Which complicated things; would I make it out alive?

"Don't dwell on it, Autumn," I whispered into the still night of the bedroom I shared with Embry. "It's about time this whole thing came to an end." I haphazardly shoved a pair of jeans into my bag, in a hurry. I double checked the pockets of my dark blue skinny jeans and slipped on my heels. My off shoulder, white peasant shirt draped over my bulging pockets; I had my passport, flight tickets, keys and ID stuffed into them. I'd already rented a car from the airport, pulling an 'Alice,' and vying for a crimson red Lamborghini so I could arrive in style.

The Cullen's had been helpful. Edward pinpointed the exact location of the lair to me and each one of them gave me their support. Carlisle had panicked, but I explained that nearly three years of this nonsense and there was still no sign. I was tired of waiting. I was taking the battle to their doorstep, in heels, dressed to kill. Not that I'd intentionally hurt anybody, but I had to appear tough. Marching up to Aro in heels could do the trick.

I hadn't informed the pack or mentioned a thing to Embry. But, I wasn't about to leave without saying goodbye. Jacob was going to be fucking spiteful when he found out what I hadn't told him.

I roughly shook Embry's bare arm, moving his body, knowing nothing else would wake him. "Embry, wake up," I said, loudly.

His looked around, confused for a second, before his eyes landed on me. He grinned. "Babe, are you leaving me for another romp in the sack?" He joked.

I shoved him, chuckling. "No."

I leaned over the bed as he sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Then what the hell are you doing?" His tone wasn't light. He was suspicious…worried too.

"I'm going to go somewhere for a couple of days."

He scrunched his forehead, contemplating. "For what?" I averted my eyes; he picked up on the movement that would've been too fast for a human's vision. He rolled his eyes and slammed his hand on the bed before standing to his feet and facing me. "Baby, please tell me you aren't visiting the Villa_, _Volley, whatever the hell they are…those vampires in Italy." He crossed his arms, angry.

"Yes," I sighed, defending myself and straightening my shoulders, mirroring his position, arms covering my chest. "And, nothing you can say will change my mind." He started to speak. I stopped him; I knew him too well. "And I'll be going alone."

"Unarmed, _by yourself_?"

"I won't risk you, or the others." I gritted my teeth. "I love you too much."

"Uh huh," he said, sarcastically. He was upset. "They want you too, Autumn. Are you going to make a trade and hope that works?" Embry and I were always on the same page. We always knew what the other was thinking. There was a tense silence where we stared each other down across the room.

"I have faith in myself, Embry. And I know you believe in me too. I can do this. You have to let me go," I pleaded. "If I'm not back in 50 hours, tops, you can tell everyone what's going on. We'd have to fight them. Once Demetri sets his eyes on me, there's no hiding anymore."

"How about I come with you, and not actually face them?" Embry raised the stakes. Did all werewolves have to be so fucking unrelenting? Or did Jacob Black's stubbornness rub off on everyone because he was Alpha now?

I rolled my eyes. "Do you want to pull a Romeo and Juliet-like move and get us killed?"

His nose scrunched in disgust. "Ewww….that romantic bullshit? Romeo and Juliet were idiots." He smirked. "I was thinking something along the lines of Bonnie and Clyde."

I snorted. "Bonnie and Clyde robbed banks together."

"You get my point though!

"Yeah, I do…Now you're talking…" I retrieved the tickets from my pocket. "I bought two. I knew you wouldn't agree." He jumped up and down, energetic. "But you are to stay outside of the city walls and I'm entering alone. I won't debate any longer, understood?" I said, sternly.

He threw up his hands and beamed. "You got it, baby."

* * *

**(What follows is what Bella sees)**

_Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness_

_I need to calculate_

_What creates my own madness_

_And I'm addicted to your punishment_

_And you're the master_

_And I am waiting for disaster_

_Volterra, Italy_

_(Autumn's POV)_

Several hours later I was running through Volterra approaching the entrance the Volturi's _kingdom. _I wasn't going to wait around for them to find me; I was planning to make my presence known. I didn't fear death; I just wasn't ready to die, not until I solved things and ended this 'game' once and for all. Bella needed to be free.

The doors towered overhead, proudly displaying what the Volturi would want for their castle: a threatening and beautifully crafted appearance. I pushed through, head held high. I was scared, but unlike most people, I had the ability to exude confidence few other were capable of. I didn't even acknowledge the awkward stares I was receiving as the Volturi's 'tools' and their new assistant watched me with uneasy, intrusive eyes. The door to the lair was open. I strolled inside, flexing my hands. They were all there: Aro, Marcus, Caius in their thrones, the Guard, the wives, Jane, Alec, and they were animated, discussing something. It was like they were suiting up for a big event.

Or preparing to attack.

I let in a sharp intake of breath. Had I made it in the nick of time? I'd snuck in unnoticed, but my anxiety gave my presence away to Aro, who was lounged in the center chair, legs drooping over the armrest, lacking an authoritative manner. He was too relaxed. His eyes landed on mine. He refused to look away. An evil grin distorted his face "Well, well, look who decided to drop by." I kept my gaze on him, glaring. The others turned in my direction and almost sniggered at my arrival.

Jane approached me. She had the appearance of a porcelain, possessed baby doll, with eyes a striking blood red. She inspected me. "She does exist," her tiny, girly voice pierced my ears, and my eardrums vibrated painfully. She touched my skin. I recoiled. "Don't touch me." She cackled and faced Aro. I tried to hide my fear, keeping my scowl firmly in place.

Aro tapped the arm of his throne rhythmically and it echoed through the silence of the room. "You amuse me, Autumn." He stood to his feet, stepping down the stairs, cloak billowing behind him. The Guard flocked his sides. Felix, the big, muscular one directly to Aro's left growled at me. My eyes never left Aro's. "You dare show your face when your number one on our most wanted to kill list. Are you on a suicide mission?" The others laughed.

"You caught us just in time," Jane sneered. "Marcus, the others, and I were just on our way out to find precious, fragile Isabella Swan." Alec draped a shawl over her shoulders. I stiffened. I _had _arrived in time; if I had showed up minutes later this wouldn't have worked, and all hope would have vanished.

I found my voice. "You waited this long?" I concealed my emotions with a calm demeanor.

"We wanted to strike when she least expected it, when she thought we may have been done with her," Marcus responded in a haunting and bone grating voice. I shivered. He examined me and grinned. "She brought someone with her, someone she loves deeply."

Aro was closer now. I clenched my fists to me side, breathing deeply. "He is not to be harmed. I came here to ask for an ultimatum: my life in place of Bella Swan's and those she loves.

"Do you really think we won't go after her and the others after we've killed you?" Marcus snorted. "You're delusional. We want you too."

"No," I said, grinding my teeth. "You want me dead. You want her as one of your own. There's a difference," I snarled.

Aro paced, stroking his chin. "I don't know about that. Bella, you say?" He tilted his head towards me and continued. "She has made us quite…infuriated." His nostrils flared and his eyes were murderous. "Almost as much as you. Do you want to suffer the same fate as your parents? Or has Carlisle convinced you we really aren't merciless? He's fooled you." He was inches from my face. "The circumstances surrounding your birth were vile, repulsive, unimaginable, and against the laws we've created."

"Then why haven't you killed me yet?"

He laughed. "I was getting there. I'm not finished yet." I closedmy mouth, angry tears clouding my vision. I wasn't weak; I could hold my ground. "You don't remember them at all do you?" I shook my head, embittered. Memories of my mother's face and my father's voice were the only thing I could recall. "Ripped from you the day you were born, raised by foster parents. And you knew you were different, didn't you?" I swallowed a sob. "Unless your father used his ability to give you a souvenir you could hold onto, or perhaps it was a fake memory? That power to embed any memory into any individual's mind intrigued us, until he refused to join. He was one of my favorites, did you know that?" I didn't respond, my unwavering gaze on him, combating the emotions that threatened to seep through. This was one of the deceptive qualities of the Volturi. They knew everything that made you tick and hoped you would crumble without a fight.

They were wrong; I wouldn't falter, or show my weakness, although it was tearing at my guts.

He continued. "He was such a promising student, and he would have been in this chair here." He pointed to a throne, in pieces in the corner. "But then I sent him away, on a mission, to pick up a group of humans for us to feed on." Aro circled around me as he spoke. "That was the biggest mistake I made. He got lost in the woods in a place in Ireland that we'd never set foot in. He met your mother there. If my recollections are correct, from acquiring his memories, she'd been walking outside, in human form, to fetch water from her family's well. Such a mindless, every day task." He came to a halt in front of me. "She was beautiful- rich skin, blue eyes. He knew what she was from the first glance but he couldn't stay away, thus betraying us. She was such an unlikely choice for your blonde-haired father. The only female werewolf that I'd heard of."

They didn't know about Leah. I had one thing to use against them.

"When he came back, he seemed different. He disappeared every night to visit her, something I should have been aware of from the start, but paid no attention to. He was delirious one day, and his excitement was _you_, the product of their _'_love,'" he spat. "You are an abomination and you came here, knowing you'd die, just like them. It's so valiant, yet idiotic at the same time. We've wanted to murder you for years, but you've always slipped out of our grasp. You're clever, intelligent. But we don't change our minds that easily." There was such an ache in my heart I wanted to puke.

"Please, master, let me play," Jane salivated, longing to throw me across the room with her ability.

He held up his hand in her direction. "Not yet." He gestured towards Felix and Demetri. Both were bigger than me, possibly stronger. "If this doesn't work, you go ahead. It's doubtful though, I'm sure." His grin was satanic.

I was going to die.

The Volturi were the most powerful thing alive, each one of them. I didn't stand a chance. I'd just sentenced Embry, Bella, the others to death, the exact opposite of what I'd intended. I straightened my back as Demetri and Felix smiled. "If you're not going to reason with me, then I will fight." The words left my mouth without a fore thought. I'd never fought before. I play fought with Emmett, Jasper, Embry, the wolves, never in determination to kill someone, never trying to harm anyone. And that was the only way. The Volturi liked to play mind games, manipulate people into giving in. There was no messing around this time. They'd made it clear when I'd first walked in that they were going to kill me. They normally weren't hostile, not like this. They only acted this way to things like me, or werewolves, their blood enemies (for reasons I still couldn't comprehend), and people who could reveal the secret they'd kept hidden for thousands of years. You did _not _want to provoke the Volturi, a mistake my parents had made many years ago.

The next few moments following Aro's command, "Kill her," happened in slow motion.

When a vampire fights, things through their eyes occur in slow motion, when in reality, it could be mere fractions of seconds. Our eyes follow every move of our opponent, anticipating attacks and avoiding punches. Adrenaline and anger courses through your veins when you're a wolf. We act on primal instinct, due to the threat and the only word flashing through our minds is 'Kill.' As a hybrid, the two protective instincts combine.

_I feel irrational!_

_So confrontational!_

_To tell the truth I am_

_Getting away with murder!_

I didn't intend to murder anyone. But, my animal instinct, the anger, hatred from my parents death because of the Volturi, as well as Aro and the others unwillingness to comply with my pleas when it came to Bella, seeking no compromise, and the power I didn't know I had, mixed and surfaced. My inner animal, the one I didn't know existed, was unleashed. I didn't change, I didn't make venom. My strength was all I had.

And that was all I needed.

_It isn't possible_

_To never tell the truth!_

_But the reality is I'm getting away with murder!_

The following events happened over the course of two and a half seconds, and to my carefully calculating eyes, in slow motion.

Demetri charged me from the front.

He reached for my neck, a tactic that would break it off with the flick of a wrist.

I grabbed his hand and threw him into the wall, a resounding crash, like concrete breaking, was heard, as his body curved inward into a bloody mess on the ground, impaled by the marble that had fallen.

Felix came at me from behind. I heard him for a portion of a second, like a brush of wind flying towards me. I jerked my head just as he reached for me and I grabbed his neck. He caught me off guard, swiping my side and escaping my grip, but I succeeded, and kicked him so his body went flying into a wall. I heard him again, and veered around as he jumped into the air in attempt to snap me in two. I grasped his neck, slamming him over my shoulder onto his back as he crashed into the floor, debris everywhere; his bones shattered and a sick, squelching nose filled my ears. I punched him, my hand reaching into his flesh. The blood leaked onto my palms

Neither arose again. They were both dead, by my own hands.

Their bones should've repaired by now.

Aro was on his knees; his neck was in my hands. One twist of my fingers and I'd break it off. He was terrified, and staring at me as every thought of anger, hurt_, _sadness I'd ever had or witnessed flowed through me; Bella in pain after she left, Jacob crumpling to the ground as Bella drove off, my parents death, both of them finished off by Aro slipping into focus in my mind, my love for Embry, my friends, everyone, my bargain to end this.

The room came back into focus. I gasped and dropped him. He fell to the ground. I slowly backed away, trembling as I glanced at my hands covered in blood. The others stared at me in complete shock. They were absolutely horrified and were backing into the furthest corners of the room. I breathed deeply and surveyed the damage I'd done. The floor was mutilated, the walls demolished in the area I'd thrown Demetri. His skin was cracked from head to toe; he hadn't moved and blood was leaking from his head. Felix was on the floor- almost mangled to nothing- bones damaged in his body, blood flooding all around him, immobile; no sign of life.

The only noise in the room was my breathing.

"Impossible," Aro whispered. The 'King' of the vampires was frightened by me.

"You could have killed us all," Jane said, voice quivering. "In no more than ten seconds."

"I'm not a killer," I snapped, harshly, shaking my head, speaking more to myself than them. I wiped my hands on my clothes, smearing my white shirt with blood. Their blood.

"It's over," Aro stated, firmly, his normally composed resolve breached. I noticed my hands had left bruises his neck. How is that possible? "You're free. Isabella Swan, the Cullen's girl, is free. I give you my word and my ever faithful promise. We will never come near the girl or you again. Just _please_," he pleaded, his voice an octave too high. If he could cry I'm sure he would. "Please, do not kill us."

"I'm not a murderer," I reiterated, staring at him, jaw clenched.

Aro stood unsteadily to his feet. "You may leave now."

I pivoted on my heels. The other cowered even further into the recesses of the room as I walked to the doors, through the hallway. I gave them one last look; they were staring hesitantly after me, like they were afraid I'd come back and finish them off. I quickly turned around and stumbled on my way out.

_I never look back because I don't even want to_

_And I don't need to_

_Because I'm getting away with murder_

I didn't register the faces of those surrounding me until I reached the gates to the city and met Embry in the car parked beside the road. I had told him to give me one hour inside the city walls and then he could attack. I checked my clock: only 23 minutes had passed.

The color drained from my face. Embry was drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, rocking his head to a beat before he saw me. The second his eyes fell on me he leapt out of the car and ran to my side, grasping my arms and scrutinizing me. "What the fuck happened, Autumn? Baby, are you okay?" He ducked his head. "Are you bleeding?" He surveyed my form, voice wavering, as he noticed the dark red, fresh stains on my shirt and hands.

"No."

He sniffed the blood. "That's bloodsucker blood! Holy fucking shit." He wiped his hand on his pants.

"I'm completely unharmed." An abnormal smile was on my face. "I killed two of them. I had the leader's neck in my hands." I gestured with my hands, indicating a choking hold.

"You what?" He laughed, shocked.

I grabbed his hand. It's strange; because of what I am, the heat of a werewolf or the cold of a vampire doesn't affect me. Each species temperature to my touch is normal like a human's. "I'll explain later because I think I can prove what happened." I remembered Aro's face when I touched him- all of my anger, Bella and her friends, our friends, rippling through my mind; all my memories and emotions. Had he somehow seen them and felt what I was feeling?

"What does this mean?" Embry said as soon as we settled in the car. He was awestruck.

"We're safe, all of us." I leaned in to give him a quick kiss. "And I'm indestructible."

Those words were the greatest piece of news I could give.

_Getting away, getting away, getting away,_

_With murder._

_**/END FLASHBACK**_

* * *

___Back to the present_

_New York City_

_(Bella's POV)_

I gasped for breath as my mind fully returned to the present and I refocused my eyes on Autumn. I was utterly and completely shocked. "Oh my God," I squeaked (a very _UnBella_- like sound) and launched myself into her arms, depositing kisses repeatedly across her cheeks and forehead. "Thank you, thank you so much! You saved me! You saved all of us!" It was like the best Christmas ever had come a week too late (it was, after all, only January).

"Hey," Embry chuckled. "Can I get in on the action?" I crawled off the couch and gave him a hug, tucking my head beneath his arm. Autumn snuggled us from the other side. I couldn't stop smiling. I'd never been more thankful for anything in my life. It was the light at the end of the darkest tunnel I'd ever been in, and I'd reached it…well, I was closing in on it. Autumn was a hero. Embry wrapped his arms around me and starting rocking the three of us side to side, singing, "Love, love, love," part of the chorus of the Beatles song 'All You Need Is Love.' Autumn and I shared a laugh.

"What does this mean, besides that we're no longer in danger, ever really, unless they find something stronger than you?" I glanced between the two of them.

"First," Autumn ticked off on her fingers. "Jacob knows everything."

I gaped at her. "You told him it was only me who was in trouble?"

She raised her voice. "That was after I confronted the Volturi. I kept my promise to you."

Embry crossed his arms. "He was pissed."

I froze and stared at Autumn. "Did the two of you fight?" She nodded. "Physically?"

She paused, chewing on her lower lips. "Yes."

"Is he okay?" I inquired, nervous.

She rolled her eyes, laughing. "He's fine, Bella. I allowed him to vent his anger towards me in his wolf form. I didn't put up much of a fight, unless he was actually hurting me. He was more upset than anything. I felt so guilty that I hadn't told him the entire truth, but I knew that what you were doing was keeping us all safe."

"That's Jacob for you." I shivered and stroked my arms.

"'I'm angry, I'll lash out, attack and then break down,'" Embry explained, nodding his head. "Pretty much."

"Jake knows how to control his temper; he wouldn't attack a soul," I said, scratching my head in horror and confusion. "Especially a friend."

"Bella, he wouldn't attack a _human_, which I am _not_," Autumn said. "Second, and finally," she said, grimly. "It means you didn't have to leave in the first place."

That was the single most upsetting thing and I felt like I'd know all along that I never had to leave my former life behind. "There's no way any of us could've predicted that you were strong enough to face off with the Volturi, on your own," I said, my lips quivering. "I-I just…" I began to pace. "I hate that I hurt him."

"He knows the truth now, Bella."

I glared at her. "Yeah, but I wasn't the one that told him." Her mouth opened and closed as she tried to say something, but I interrupted her. "I wouldn't have told him anyways, so I'd glad you took things into your own hands and did." She exhaled, and her body visibly relaxed. "He hasn't called me since that summer before my junior year. I never saw him. So, obviously he doesn't want to see me."

Autumn stepped forward. "That's not true, you know that." Her tone was tranquil.

"Ha!" Embry snorted. "I don't think he's thought much about her lately since…"

"Embry Call!" Autumn's eyes darkened. "Quit."

He cowered. "Fine, but she has to know!" What the fuck were they keeping from me! It was driving me insane!

"No she doesn't, Embry," she hissed before turning back to me. "Bella, we need to be going. I only came to tell you what happened with the Volturi."

My heart crumbled, my chest tightened and my entire body slumped. "You've been here for such a short time. Can you stay, please?" I begged, tears falling. I hooked my hands to her arms.

Embry placed a hand on my shoulder and I looked at him, my eyes glistening with tears. "Jacob doesn't know we actually came to see you. He thought we only called."

"We lied," Autumn explained. "Said we were celebrating our anniversary and going away for the weekend."

"So we have to get back before he realizes what we did."

"Bella. I've lied to him so much lately. First about you, then everything about why you left, then the Volturi, and then this…I feel so bad about it."

"He'll smell me all over both of you," I said, grating my teeth together. "I don'tcare. I want you both to stay and meet my friends," I cried. "I miss you so much it fucking hurts every time I think about any of you, like a knife that refuses to budge and be yanked from my chest; it just gets deeper." My voice lowered to an almost inaudible level as I said my next words. "And the knife pierces my heart every time I think about how much I miss Jacob. Please, stay." I attempted to cheer up. "And you brought good news. I can finish college without having to worry about losing my life or each one of you inevitably because I angered the 'vampire gods.'" I was itching to go back to La Push, literally; I could feel my legs twitching with the need to run off, catch the next flight, see Jacob and apologize on my knees until he took me back. But I knew it wouldn't be that easy to earn his trust again. "Just stay for the weekend."

Autumn stared at me, face contorting in contemplation, until she uttered a single, "Okay." I wanted more time with them, but right now that was all I could ask for. And all I would receive.

I wasn't a part of the family anymore, remember?

"I'm beat," Embry yawned. "What time is it?"

"Four in the morning."

"Fucking shit," he grumbled, before glaring at Autumn. "Did we seriously invade her home this late?"

Autumn rolled her eyes. "Yes, we did." She faced me, eyes concerned. "I do apologize for that. We should have come earlier. It was a last minute decision, thus we ended up here so late. Are you okay with it?" I gave her a look that said 'what the fuck are you thinking? Of course I am!'

Embry tittered, reading my expression. "Where do I crash?"

"The couch," I gestured to it. He gaped at me, alarmed. "It's a pull out couch, Embry," I sighed and marched forward to unhook the latch. I pulled the bed out and gathered the covers we kept stored beside the sofa. I swiftly dressed the bed with Autumn's assistance. My roommates and I always kept a spare sheet, blanket, quilt, and several pillows nearby. My friends were notorious for sleeping over several nights a week.

It felt like a huge weight, also known as the enormous burden I'd been carrying, had been lifted. The Volturi were done with me. I paused, staring into space, smiling, and feeling…free, almost.

I shook out of my trance to see Embry had already stripped to his boxers (_don't stare, Bella!_) and Autumn was reentering the living room, already changed into her night clothes, a pair of plaid, flannel pants, and a thin, white tank top. She was brushing her hair back into a loose ponytail, face already devoid of makeup. They were fast_._ "Autumn, Embry? Thank you for staying." They grinned and pulled me into a three-way hug. My head was smashed against Embry's chest. "I wasn't done yet," I mouthed into his shoulder. They moved away and stared at me, waiting, obviously exhausted. "If you don't mind," I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt (nervous habit number 560) and blushed. "I was wondering if I could sleep out here with the two of you. I don't want to be alone in my room tonight. It's been so long since I've actually, physically slept with someone, like having an actual presence lying alongside me."

"Yeah, sure," Autumn cooed, crawling onto the couch. I smiled, still embarrassed, like a child wanting to share the bed with 'mommy' and 'daddy' after a nightmare. I lay down next to her. Embry joined us, looping his arms around Autumn, who was lying on her side, facing me. She abruptly turned as his hands came in contact with her waist and pressed a hand firmly against his chest, meeting his eyes. "Baby, I love you, but this is highly inappropriate for Bella. The floor, _now_." She pointed to the ground, smirking.

I shot up. "No, really, it's fucking freezing tonight, he's fine. I wouldn't make him sleep on the floor." I panicked.

"Bella," Embry laughed, snatching a pillow before plopping on the floor. I crawled over Autumn who was still upright and bent over the edge of the bed so I could see him. He situated his head on his hand. "I can sleep anywhere, the ground, the beach, the front porch...I'm a wolf, remember?"

"Okay." I pouted before chucking an extra pillow at him. Autumn snickered before slipping beneath the covers. I returned to my position opposite her, closer than necessary, craving the presence of my best friend, and the personal heater emitting from below us. I reached up to click off the lamp and fell onto the bed. I listened to Autumn's steady breathing and Embry's rather soft snoring (Now, that's a surprise_)._ A small smile crossed my features as I drifted into a dreamless sleep, the most restful night I'd had in years, feeling like maybe the pieces of my past life were slowly finding their way back to me, so I could be whole again.

* * *

_Late the following morning_

I stretched my limbs as the noise of cars from the lunch crowd outside my window woke me up. The sun's rays streamed through the living room windows, warming my skin. I opened my eyes, hoping that last night had been true, not just a dream my imagination cooked up for me, and Embry and Autumn had been here and they had stayed the night, and Autumn hadrisked her own life to free me from my shackles, thus saving us all for good. I was on the rim of the bed, my pillow halfway down the bed, and curled into a ball. I had the oddestsleeping habits. I peeked up, rolling onto my stomach, smiling brightly when I saw Autumn on her stomach, head turned to the side, hand up by her face. Her body was curved so that part of her upper half almost hung over the side she was facing, where Embry was sleeping peacefully on the floor. His huge frame covered most of the empty space near the kitchen and he was on his back, head turned to Autumn.

It was a symbol that even if they were unconscious their bodies were still drawn to each other, like an impenetrable magnetic force. In fact, if they were sleeping in the same bed, she would fit perfectly on top of him, her hand and head would rest on his chest.

Nostalgia washed over me and I bit my tongue to stifle a sob, whimpering. Jacob was on my mind again. But, that wasn't saying much. He was always on my mind, even if it was for a fleeting second or in the furthest corners, a voice echoing in my ears, a frigid, empty spot on the bed next to me that was in desperate need to be filled. He was there, everywhere. I couldn't escape my feelings for him and I didn't even want to. The love I'd shared with his had been something wonderful and I was no longer going to be permanently depressed over the loss. What had Ashley said? 'Why would you want to forget that?' Her words hit hard, years after she'd said them. I would never forget. I would move on and live my life to the fullest because I didn't have an eternity to be remorseful, not anymore. I had a stable life that included good grades, amazing roommates, a job, great friends, and a best friend who was willing to sacrifice herself to get the Volturi off my back, only to succeed and harm them, _scare them_. I would be grateful for Autumn's existence in my life for as long as I lived. Which now, the Volturi no longer a threat, I hoped would be at least 50 more years.

I slithered back up the bed, resuming the position I'd had when I'd fallen asleep, wanting to cherish these moments with Autumn and Embry before they returned back to La Push.

It was so strange seeing them sleeping like that. Even though they weren't touching and she was elevated above him…I hadn't been able to see the start of their relationship, or follow it these past years. I'd seen glimpses of it before I'd left for NYU and here they were again. They were made for each other.

And they hadn't imprinted. I couldn't believe I was granting myself a moment to think of this, but I had hope when it came to being with Jacob again. And that hope had been non-existent until now. Maybe one day I would find my way back into his arms for good, maybe I was truly meant to be with him. Fate would decide that for me.

I almost drifted asleep again, comforter around my shoulders, when the front door crept open. I jumped, startled and peered over the couch. Ashley was taking off her shoes, thrusting her keys into her purse. Autumn and Embry hadn't stirred. Her eyes met mine. She squinted, smiling. "Uh, why are you on the pull-out couch?"

"Huh?" Embry's head rose up and he looked around frantically. Ashley's eyes widened. Embry's own eyes settled on her and he leapt back, colliding with the bed, which woke Autumn up. She sleepily glanced over the couch after giving Embry an inquisitive look.

"O-Oh my God," Ashley squealed.

"Hey," Autumn leaned over the back of the couch. "I'm…"

"Autumn. You're even prettier in person and you just woke up. That should be illegal," she joked.

Autumn's eyes lit up. "Bella told you about us."

"You know what she looked like before you met her?" Embry scratched his head, standing up to stare at Ashley.

Ashley ogled him. Yet again, I'm not surprised. She glided over to me, bending to my level to whisper to me. "You weren't kidding...do they all really look like that? First Seth…now him?"

Embry pitched forward, belly-down on the bed. "We can hear you."

I blushed. "This is Embry, Autumn's boyfriend."

Ashley glanced at Autumn, smiling. "Sweetie, you better keep him close. If he as much as walks out of this apartment, the girls will be all grabby-hands."

Autumn laughed. Embry puffed his chest out proudly. "I trust him."

"No kidding." Ashley placed her elbows over the back of the couch. "You're like the most attractive girl, ever. Kyle is going to be _so_ jealous he didn't get to meet you two!" Her eyes darted excitedly back and forth between the two.

I chuckled at their puzzled expressions. "Kyle's my very loud, amazing, flamboyantly gay roommate. He's in Italy for the semester."

"No shit," Embry said in a mocking tone, as he gaped at Ashley, a smile on his lips. "Autumn and I were just there." Autumn socked his shoulder, lightly, so as not to draw attention from Ashley. I giggled, knowing what they were referring to.

"Bella, you're happier. You look better," Ashley addressed me.

My cheeks flamed.. "Oh, thanks," I said, sarcastically. "I wonder what that says about me before." I fiddled with the frayed edge of the pillow underneath my arms.

"Hey, Ashley?" Autumn asked. "Do you mind showing Embry around campus, maybe taking him out to eat?" Her eyes met mine. "Bella and I need to talk about a few things." Her eyes moved back to Ashley and Embry's. "I'm not trying to be rude," she quickly apologized. "He's probably starving anyways."

"Baby, you know I don't need convincing. You say it, I do it," Embry jested, planting a quick kiss on her shoulder and lips before tugging his shirt back on. Modesty. Good job, Embry. It was snowing outside…being shirtless wasn't conspicuous at all. And that statement was full of heavy sarcasm, please take note.

Ashley latched onto his arm. "Can I show him off, while I'm at it?"

"Sure," Autumn snickered. "Just don't claim him as your 'flavor of the week.' He _is_ with me."

"Not a problem. Oh, and Bella, my parents were getting on my nerves, so I came back early, in case you were wondering." I nodded. She winked before leading Embry through the door, waving goodbye, Embry shooting a 'save me, please' look over his shoulder.

As soon as the door shut, Autumn yanked me into a bone crushing hug. I gasped, wrapping my arms around her. "Choking here!"

"Sorry." She released me, laughing nervously. "I felt I owed you an 'Autumn' hug."

I readjusted my seat on the couch, so I was cross legged, hugging a pillow to my chest. Autumn sat upright, her back against a stack of pillows, long legs stretched out on front of her.

"It's funny," I began. "How you trust Embry with Ashley, when she was blatantly eye-fucking him." She arched a brow before I continued. "Ashley's not like that, but, you know what I'm saying…"

She shrugged and our eyes locked. "Because I know how much he loves me." My chest tightened as a sob threatened to escape. All this talk of true love was starting to get to me.

"Plus, you're like the most beautiful girl alive," I lightened the mood, laughing. "He'd be a fool to even consider someone else.

"True." She said it like it didn't bother her that she'd been called beautiful several times in the span of a few minutes.

"You must be used to that by now."

"What?"

"People telling you how gorgeous you are."

She chuckled. "Pretty much."

A comfortable silence passed. She stared out the window and my eyes lowered to the bed. "I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you enough for what you did. You're so strong_._" I studied her.

She looked at me, eyes crinkling with a hidden smile. "I was so sick of waiting, it's as simple as that. So, I avoided the warnings, the threats, everything, and did what I wanted. The strength? Blame it on my parents."

"They must have really loved you."

Her eyes were downcast. "I wouldn't know," she said, smiling sadly. "I picked up on some of Aro's thoughts, strangely enough, and he said my parents defied them at every cost and protected me…well, her, when she was pregnant with me, until their dying breath."

"How were you saved?"

"They knew Aro, all of them, were hunting them down. They handed me over to a trustful family friend, my human, foster family, begging for them to raise me regardless of what I became and treat me with upmost respect and love. And they did. I moved out when I was 18. I stopped aging around 22, I think? I never saw them after that. 50 or so years of running and finally, _finally_, I can settle down for good in La Push with Embry." She smiled.

"So…where were you born?"

"Romania."

"Anywhere near Dracula's castle?" I quipped. She shook her head, smiling. A sudden question came to my mind. "Can you have children?" I tucked my chin in my lap.

She looked dazed, eyebrows furrowing in thought. "I don't know yet. I do hope so!" She generated enthusiasm, but underlying her words was the subtle hint of sadness. "The Volturi...I don't have to be scared of them anymore. We don't have to be afraid," she gestured between us, implying the pack, family, and the girls as well. "They're the most feared vampires, mythical creatures, alive. But, Bella…" She leaned forward, clasping my hands with hers. "They're afraid of _me_ now. That makes me the most powerful thing on this planet. I can't even…" She shook her head vigorously. "I can't even process it!"

I squeezed her hands before releasing them. "Neither can I."

She attempted to change the conversation, close to weeping, eyes blurry with tears. "I'm so sorry…sorry that I haven't even visited you, I said I'd be there for you and I wasn't."

I placed my hands on her shoulders, gazing into her eyes. "But you were. You sent me gifts when no one else did, called me every other day, informed me in some way daily through a text message, a phone call, an email, that you still cared about me and you'd stand by me no matter what happened, and you'd be there if I asked. You are my best friend. You've proven it time and time again; you're so considerate, strong, supportive…you took me in after I ran thousands of miles from my wedding, stuck by my side when I had to confront the Cullen's and do the worst possible thing I'd ever been forcedto do. You f-fucking went to the Volturi by yourself, not knowing what the result would be." My hands dropped back to the bed softly.

The corners of her lips curved into a grin. "I'm jealous though."

I shook my head, bringing my hand to my forehead, confused. "Why in the heck would you be jealous?"

"Because of Ashley! You told me what happened with the pictures; she was physically able to comfort you and hold your hand, hold _you_, when you needed it most. Kyle too…everyone here!"

I burst out laughing and she joined me. "Autumn, Ashley and you are two very different people." I calmed down. "You know everything about my past, I can mention werewolves and vampires around you without freaking anyone out and have them thinking I was on hallucinogens or something!"

She smiled, nodding her head. "Hmmm…you have a point."

Another silence passed. "Embry is a lot less shy now than before," I chuckled.

"It's my fault," she sighed dramatically. "The second we met, I began to ease him out of his bubble."

"You guys really love each other." My eyes fogged with unshed tears as they focused on her shoulder, avoiding her face.

"Bella," she soothed, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. "He misses you."

My head rose instantly and our eyes connected. _Jacob_. "How could you even say that?"

"He does. He can deny it all he wants and pretend like he doesn't think about you, but its total bullshit. I can read people well. He thinks he's a good liar, but he's not. Jacob rarely lies, that's probably the only thing he's lied about…it isactually. He wants to make us believe he doesn't want to see you again, but his face…his pupils' do this weird expanding thing for a millisecond and his jaw twitches almost unnoticeably when we talk about you. No one picks up on it. I do."

I was at a loss for words. All I could do was allow my tears to spill down my face as I stared at her, memories overcoming me again. "I'm still in love with him."

She sighed, chest heaving, before our eyes met again. "I know and I wish…I wish somehow I could bring you two back together." She melded her fingers together. "But, things are so different now that I just…can't, not right now."

"I understand," I said, although, honestly, I didn't. I had to relieve the atmosphere from its increasingly gloomy state. "So, you're Team Bella when it comes to the possibility of him falling for another girl?"

She laughed. "Of course!" I smiled widely and high fived her, ignoring the painful lump in my chest.

What was in the future for me? Or better yet, what new reveals would I have to learn to deal with? What else could tear me to shreds?

* * *

(A/N: The Volturi are done, no more worries for Bella…except returning back home to…what, exactly? Pictures of Autumn's Volterra outfit and car (Lamborghinis are the sexiest cars in the world. Don't even try to deny it! ;D), and her parents, are in my photo bucket account/Jacob Black-n-Pack group for this story. Oh, and I'm not sure if vampires actually bleed in the Twilight series, but I really don't care- I gave them blood)


	22. Only One

Disclaimer: See previous chapters, bitches. ;D Lyrics: Inevitable- Anberlin and Careless Whisper- Seether. Also, there are three lines taken from _Eclipse_…and a line from the _New Moon_ movie (I can't remember if it was in the book or not)

(A/N: Thanks for the reviews, alerts and faves!** Warning: the sex scene in this is so descriptive that it's posted elsewhere (discussed later)**)

_**(IMPORTANT: Pay attention to the dates, POVs, and designations of flashbacks!)**_

* * *

**Chapter 20: Only One **

_Amazing how life turns out the way that it does_

_We end up hurting the worst the ones we really love_

_NYU Graduation- senior year_

_The beginning of May_

_(Bella's POV)_

I was able to livebetter after Autumn and Embry's visit. And now, another phase of my life was complete: It was graduation day and college was over for me.

I clutched my degree in my hand (I vaguely remember Kyle cheering loudly when I'd received it) after I'd stripped off my cloak and cap. My white baby doll dress slid back down to my knees. My now messy hair (damn static electricity) fell right between my shoulder blades. Ashley had straightened it for the occasion. I walked out into the open air, flinching from pain as my particularly tight heels pinched the sides of my feet.

The sun was shining bright, and it was pleasantly warm. Everywhere I looked parents, students and loved ones were hugging and talking. I was searching for my own parents, who'd arrived separately and without their significant others. I guess they were avoiding any awkwardness? Especially since Sue wouldn't be too pleased to see me…perhaps. I wouldn't ask, so I would never know.

I jogged around to the front of the building and spotted Kyle speaking animatedly to our friends- Ashley, Angela, Alicia, Tiffany, Lindsay…all were present. He was waving his arms, diploma flapping frantically, likely recounting his trip. He'd returned last week. He saw me and smiled before running towards me and scooping me into his arms in a hug, twirling me around. "Woohoo!" He shouted. "We did it!"

I laughed as he carefully set me down on the ground, holding my hands. "It's so good to have you back."

Ashley pranced forward and hugged me tightly. "Indeed." Her arms wrapped around Kyle from the side. She looked cute; her blond hair was now cropped to her shoulders.

We'd all changed our looks over the past year to announce we were about to step into the real world and fend for ourselves. No scholarships, no more people paying for our college education, no more living with the parents. It was hard for us to grasp the idea, but we were ready for it. For Ashley, it was still designer clothes, but more business oriented. Gone was the preppy girl I'd first met (she was still there, but not so much on the surface), and in her place was someone new, matured. Kyle was all about drawing attention to himself, but he did tone down his look, a lot, and that's saying something. I'd endured a basically non-existent style before the beginning of senior year and came to a conclusion that I needed a real change. My old t-shirts, and all but one sweatshirt, were packed away in a cardboard box. I'd bought a new wardrobe, the money a Christmas/birthday gift from Alice. She allowed me to pick out the clothes and I surprised myself with my purchases. My clothing was more elegant almost, sophisticated. Those studies people conducted hadn't been wrong when they'd proven a change on the outside influences confidence on the inside. I was ready to step into the world, head held high, and succeed, as well as get what I wanted, whatever that ended up being.

Charlie appeared in my line of sight, with Renee trailing behind him. They were smiling; mom looked liked she'd recently wiped away her tears. They both had dressed classy for the occasion. _Way to go, dad._ "Bells," Charlie said as he handed me a fresh bouquet of roses and lilies.

I grasped them in one hand before tugging him into a hug. "Dad!"

"Congratulations," he said into my shoulder before pulling away. "And you look beautiful."

I blushed. "Thanks, Charlie."

My mother held her arms out and I hugged her, grinning. "Mom!"

She backed away and inspected my body, like she was seeing me for the first time in years, which wasn't the case because I saw her this past Christmas. That didn't keep the motherly feelings from bubbling to the surface. "Bella it's been so long. Aw…" She cupped her mouth, eyes watery. "My baby's all grown up!"

I smiled, cheeks flushing with embarrassment. "Mom, please don't cry."

She embraced me again and shed happy tears. "Oh, Bella."

I awkwardly patted her back. "Mom, really…"

She indicated my attire. "That dress is so gorgeous by the way, and flattering."

I smiled widely at Kyle who was engaged in conversation with Ashley. "Kyle made it for me."

My mother's eyes widened. "Really?"

Kyle swung around and chuckled. "Yes ma'am."

"Mom, dad, this is Kyle and Ashley, the roommates who made my life interesting for the past three and a half years." Introductions were made and conversation was initiated. Charlie kept a hand on my lower back the entire time. I beamed. I really did miss my father.

"So, uh, what are your plans for the future you're about to embark on," Charlie asked all three of us.

"We actually talked the other day about moving into a flat in the city, downtown," I explained. "Kyle, Ashley, me…Angela!" I squealed_,_ excited as she came strolling towards me and hugged me. "Angela too." I faced my father.

"Is it nice?" Charlie stroked his rather thick beard. "I want my daughter to be satisfied with her arrangements."

"Please," Angela snickered. "We only look for the best."

I turned to my mother and Charlie, my hand still on Angela's arm. Kyle propped an elbow on my shoulder. "I have quite a large amount of money lying in my account doing nothing." That's what happens when the Cullen's pay for your tuition. "I've got a short internship lined up at a magazine company to gain experience."

"That's excellent, sweetie!" My mother cheered, thankful I was doing so well. She'd picked up on the gossip vine about what had happened before I'd left. She used to be really good friends with Sarah Black, before she died, so I wouldn't be shocked if her and Billy had discussed what had happened. "What about the rest of you?"

"Moi?" Kyle pointed to himself. I rolled my eyes and elbowed him. He tickled my side, causing me to erupt into a fit of giggles. "I'm employed at Dolce and Gabbana in Soho. I start there next week."

"And to think he started out majoring in graphic design," Ashley laughed.

He laughed. "Double major, babe."

Charlie scratched his head in wonder. "How'd you do it in such a short time?"

Angela answered for Kyle. "He took college classes in High School. He's really intelligent."

"Angela here is working at Starbuck's," Ashley cut in.

"And I am trying to find another job," Angela huffed. "Something I like doing. Customers with caffeine addictions have to have their coffee made a certain way. They're so hard to please and they go insane if one thing is messed up." She rolled her eyes.

Ashley spoke next. "And me? I've been going to auditions once a week, scoring minor roles. I'm not getting paid for it though. I'm hoping for the big leagues soon, you know, a mini-movie TV series or a Broadway play, in a couple of years." She puffed her chest out. She was full of confidence; she always had been.

"So, are we partying tonight?" Kyle said. "Our place?"

"Lindsay, Alicia, Tiffany, the others are all in," Angela said, squealing silently.

"Partying, like, with alcohol?" Charlie asked, face pallid.

I rolled my eyes. "We're twenty-two years old, dad. None for me though." The others sniggered, knowing very well why. I blushed.

"It's tradition," Kyle said. "College graduates party their hardest the last weekend, and say goodbye to the easy stuff and hello to the hard, cruel, boundless world…" His voice strengthened like he was about to narrate a trailer for an epic movie, like _Lord of the Rings_.

"Oh, I totally understand," Renee laughed. "We were young too, you know."

The others said goodbye and returned to their families. "Charlie, mom, I'm taking the two of you out to dinner tonight before the festivities begin. My treat." I waved my clutch purse around.

"It would be an honor to join you," Charlie chuckled. I looped my arm through his and Renee did the same to my other side as we headed to their cars. During our trek, they went on about how I'd grown up so fast, and brought up embarrassing baby stories so I was flushed from head to toe. We were strolling alongside the breezeway near one of the art buildings, when my father stopped, gazing at a shaded area beneath the wing of the building. Our eyes met. "I also forgot to say, an old acquaintance of yours asked our permission to see you earlier. It's only four in the afternoon as it is, so…dinner in an hour? Your mother and I will walk around campus for a while."

I nodded, bewildered. "Sure?" Who wanted to see me?

Charlie nodded in the same direction and hugged me. My mother kissed my cheeks, repeatedly. I batted her away. "Mother!"

"Leaving now!" She threw her hands up. "I'll see you soon, dear." I watched her join my father as they snuck away, leaving me behind. I inched towards the breezeway, not sure what I was approaching. A nervous dread settled in my gut. A tall figure, dressed in jeans and a gray pea coat was leaning against he side of the building.

"Edward?" I asked, stopping in my tracks, amazed.

He angled his head towards me and…I wasn't captivated by his beauty; I was almost immune to it. Key word: _almost._ He was still incredibly attractive. No straight female in her right mind, would deny that. His hair was tousled, crooked smile present, golden eyes, alabaster skin, red lips...all familiar to me. "Bella." He approached me.

I drew him into a hug, burying my face into his jacket, shivering slightly from his cold skin. "Wow." I leaned away and peered up at him. "I-I…What are you doing here?" I smiled. My hands gripped his forearms.

He half-smiled. "Someone was having a graduation today. My family wanted to attend, but we decided we should tone down 'us,' so they sent me. They thought it would be appropriate."

"It's great to see you, really. I…wow."

He chuckled. "You're still at a loss of words around me."

"Only because I haven't seen you," I laughed, looping an arm through his as he led me away

It was unusual. I expected the first time we'd see each other after I'd left Forks would be awkward, the atmosphere coiled in a tight string, unwilling to loosen. But, it wasn't. I wasn't overwhelmed with my past feelings for him or enticed by his appearance like I once had been. I looked at him, and there was a subtle spark of romantic feelings, but that was quickly overshadowed by our new found friendship. This was a test, to physically touch him and speak with him and see if it was different than the occasional phone conversation. I was happy; pleased I could consider myself over him, despite the minuscule, lingering feeling. "Did Autumn tell you what happened with the Volturi?" I gazed up him, brown eyes locking with golden eyes.

"Immediately after she 'finished them.' Carlisle was ecstatic, and, if I might add, a bit smug that he was correct." I laughed. "You are very blessed to have her in your life. We are all extremely lucky and immeasurably thankful for her."

"You forgot to mention that to me…that she told your family."

"You never asked." We stayed in the shadows as we progressed on.

I chewed on my lower lip. "Edward, I know I've said this too many times to count, but I'm really glad to see you."

He grinned and wrapped an arm around my waist, depositing a friendly peck against the top of my head, although the underlying feelings we'd held for each other were still transferring between us. "How are you, really? You can be honest with me, you know." He nodded and smiled at a passerby; the girl dropped her books and gawked at him. I chuckled.

"Well," I began, clearing my throat. "Autumn came to share the news with me a few months ago and I've been more than relieved. I no longer have to worry about the Volturi killing me or harming the ones I love and care about." I bumped his side. "You included. So, I've been, happy, lighter. Not perfect, but I think within a few years, everything will finally fall into place for me. I'll have steady job for my career, a guy to love unconditionally. Even if I don't find someone by then, being single, independent, has been eye-opening, almost great." I was startled at my own admittance. "I like feeling this way, like I can do this on my own and have a life, regardless of a man."

"But…" He trailed off. I rolled my eyes. How could I tell him I still wanted to be with Jacob? "Jacob, of course," he said, any traces of contempt towards the 'other kind' were almost gone as he said 'Jacob.'

"Um…" Our eyes met. "I don't even talk about him with you. How could you even…?"

He halted his steps and studied me, puzzled and…amused. "You just said his name." _Breathe Bella_. _He's not even giving you the Edward-Cullen-will-make-your-knees-wobbly-stare_. "You said you still wanted to be with him."

"No, I didn't." I shook my head. "I…" My eyes abruptly returned to his. "Can you read my thoughts?"

His lips curved into a thin smile. "Think something again…something random."

I pondered the perfect thing for the circumstance. I laughed as an all too fitting song for his possible ability to read my mind came into clear focus. _I just can't get you out my head…na na na na…can't get you out of my head_.

"Really?" Edward laughed. "'Can't get you out my head?' Kylie Minogue? Bella, you can do better than that."

"Oh my God!" I cupped my mouth. "This is amazing!" I clung to his arm again. "You no longer have to spend all your time trying to figure me out," I teased.

"Wow. I can read your mind. Unbelievable. The others will want to hear this; Carlisle will go out of his mind." A group of girls passed, wtaching him with desire and awe. His eyes widened before he faced me again.

I calculated his disgusted expression and giggled. "I have one guess what they were thinking." My lips twitched in a grin. "What else is going on with you?" I twined my fingers with his, feeling at ease, comfortable.

He smiled. "I'm seeing someone."

Although a twinge of jealously formed in my chest, it was instantly suppressed by the sudden feeling of happiness for him…for us…Was this closure? Was Edward Cullen not going to be a romantic interest ever again?

"I'd like to think that's a good thing for us, that it's what we wanted." Shit. I forgot he could read my mind. He chuckled. Both of us were ready to close this 'book' of our lives with each other, and start fresh as friends, and stay friends.

"I'd really like to think that it is," I said, grateful. I stared at him, squeezing his hand.

"Alice suspects that if I can read your thoughts, it means you aren't going to be changed."

"I decided that years ago, Edward. I have never regretted my decision since."

"I'm serious." His eyes hardened. "Carlisle agrees with her. He believes your power as a vampire could have been a sort of shield. I couldn't read your thoughts, Aro couldn't filter through your memories, and Jane couldn't torture you. You were special."

"Whoa." That was a lot to take in. I shook my head, clearing my thoughts; I didn't want to talk about this anymore. "Enough about me…so, what's this girl like? Is she human?"

"No. I crossed that bridge a few years ago. Never again will I bring a human girl into our world. I don't think I could live through another 'kill me so I can be with you forever,' situation. I never want to harm a human again."

"Sounds reasonable."

"Her name is Summer. She's a vampire, obviously. She was changed around the time I was. I have come to the conclusion that we knew each other before we were turned. She's beautiful; brown hair, tall, slender. She's kind too. She's a vegetarian, like my family and I, so it works well."

"Hmmm…brown hair…so, she's vampire-me from the future?" I grinned mischievously.

He laughed. "I wouldn't think so." A silence passed. "I love her."

"I told you that you'd find someone else," I whispered softly. "Edward, you're life is going to span for centuries, an eternity. You have the opportunity to fall in and out of love several times. I don't think I can believe you anymore when you say I was the first person you fell in love with." His eyes were downcast, concentrating on the ground beneath our feet. I was right. He nodded in response to my thoughts. "Me, because of the choice I so adamantly made to stay human, I have one life to live…one life to find my soul mate."

"I think you already have."

I sighed, and my grief resurfaced. "If you're referring to Jacob, I really don't know. I thought we were meant to be, but I don't know anymore. I can't lie and say I don't love him, or I don't want to be with him, or I don't want to find him again and rekindle the fire that was our friendship and relationship. There is _nothing_ I want more. But, the road my life is on now hasn't led me back to Washington."

"Alice said she had a vision you returned. She thinks it's happening soon."

"It doesn't matter. Even if she's right, there's no way I can know for sure. It could change, you know? I do miss my life there, but going back, would it be the right decision or another mistake to add to my never ending list?" Another silence passed. "If Jacob and I are truly meant to be, destiny will decide that for us. And one day I will be with him again, if that is what is supposed to happen." He gazed at me. "What?" I blushed, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear and leaning away. We were outside, beneath the awning of my apartment building on campus. Both of his hands intertwined with mine.

"I think you put that beautifully. Fate changed its hands and decided to change your life, your future, the day of our wedding, because we weren't meant to be together…as much as the events in our lives could be qualified for Romeo and Juliet status." He chortled.

I shyly smiled at him. "Edward Anthony Cullen." I sounded like I was reciting a vow. "I can now say, without a doubt, that you and I are capable of being friends. And it's wonderful."

He laughed. "That is good to hear."

"Well hello, James Dean reincarnated!" Alicia's voice resonated from the bottom of the steps.

"You must be Edward," Ashley extended her hand. He shook it. "He's gorgeous," she mouthed to me.

"And taken," I replied. Edward chuckled.

"By you?" Kyle chimed from beside Ashley, gnawing on the drawstring of his jacket.

"No." I punched him. "By someone that is _not_ me."

"So you're the ex-fiancé the 'runaway bride' was to marry." Lindsay leaned against the railing and shamelessly eyed him up and down.

He smiled. "That I am."

"He's quite eloquent too," Tiffany whispered into my ear. I nudged her side.

"Do you girls mind," I glanced at Kyle, playfully. He snickered. "I was having a conversation here."

"Bye," Ashley muttered as they walked away, a smirk sneaking on her lips.

"Let me guess…" I swiveled back to Edward. "They're talking about us."

He bit his lower lip. "A lot, actually…I should be going." He walked down the stairs. The sun was setting, casting a glow across the park, the buildings, approaching…twilight. "I have a date." He smiled as he backed away on the sidewalk directly in front of the steps.

I stepped down, so I was on the bottom step, level with his face. "So do I." He arched an eyebrow. "…With my parents."

He chuckled. I hopped down and his arms encircled my waist, holding me close, my head buried against his chest. "I do hope you have a wonderful life." He grasped my chin between his fingers and raised my head, so our eyes met. "And I hope your path leads you to where you're supposed to be, and I hope it's what you want, what you're meant to have. I'll be seeing you around."

I smiled and leaned in to plant a soft, chaste kiss on his lips. Our lips had met at the same time, a gentle brush, like butterfly wings. He'd read my thoughts ahead of time. It was not a romantic kiss; it was a goodbye kiss. An innocent kiss that lasted for a brief second, a 'this is the door closing on the romantic feelings we may still hold for each other.' He would always be important to me and I would continue to be in his life. I wasn't going to lose him too, not again. "I love you, Edward Cullen."

He fingers grazed my cheek. "I love you too, Isabella Swan."

And thus the Edward and Bella show closed its curtains, finally.

And a new show began…starring _me._

* * *

**BEGIN FLASHBACK/**

_I want to break every clock_

_The hands of time could never move again_

_We could stay in this moment (stay in this moment)_

_For the rest of our lives_

_Is it over now hey, hey, is it over now?_

_La Push, Washington_

_A few days before Bella left for NYU, over 3 years ago_

_(Bella's POV)_

It was fucking freezing.

The 'boys' thought it would be a brilliant idea to have a bonfire on the beach, when it was below zero outside. I mean, I know they run a piping 107.8 degrees, or whatever (and I do like that), but…seriously; the rest of us actually, you know, get cold. It was a beautiful night though. Walking down the path to the beach, ducking at every low hanging branch, feeling the distinct presence that something was following me, I understood why they'd chosen tonight. They sky was clear, and the surf was smooth as glass, the full moon was low on the horizon, illuminating the water.

I was layered in clothes – a jacket over a sweatshirt on top of long sleeved shirt and jeans, faux fur boots (didn't want to scare the guys away), hair down, mittens on. I wasn't going to risk getting hypothermia. At least it wasn't snowing. I spotted the other girls strolling down the shore, considerably jumpy (except Autumn and Leah who were snickering to each other), much like how I was feeling. They were clothed from head to toe as well, minus Leah, who wore nothing but a tank top and low riding cut off shorts. I trudged through the sand, almost tripping over an upturned log, covering the long distance to where the fire was blazing; it was small right now, orange flames flickering and casting sparks on the logs and blankets surrounding it. The others, Autumn, Rachel, Brooke, Carmen, Kim, and Emily, gathered around the fire, rubbing their palms frantically and hovering close together. Where were the guys? Something was off.

Leah laughed at them and shook her head. Emily glared at her and said something, causing the two to giggle for several seconds.

I stumbled again. "Fucking…"I muttered, angrily, brushing the sand of my pant legs before kicking at the hole some pint-sized creature had delved into. I heard another sound behind me and paused, glancing around. I smiled to myself at the idiocy that something would try to hurt me on these lands, and chuckled, cool air nipping my likely raw cheeks. Like I said, it was too cold.

The girls all backed up at once, except Autumn and Leah who were laughing hysterically, shortly before several tall, tanned figures emerged from the trees simultaneously. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but I could interpret from the movements and mouths rapidly moving that the girls were rather annoyed…and entertained. Embry knocked Autumn down and they rolled around, wrestling. Paul and Jared casually joined Rachel and Kim, like they hadn't suddenly appeared from the woods. Kim curled into Jared's embrace and Rachel inched away from Paul. Poor guy. Julius swept a giggling Carmen off her feet and into a kiss and Brooke beside her was pulled into Seth's embrace. She was rubbing her hands across his arms, trying to steal some of the heat. Emily settled between Sam's legs, his hands flitting over her stomach. After unpacking a small stereo with rather large speakers from his bag, Quil plopped down on his back dead center, arms stretched out as he reclined, resting his arms under his head.

I was several yards away. Why in the world did I park, like, a freaking mile up the road? I guess I didn't know where we were going.

And where was Jacob?

Wait a second…

A branch snapped and I veered abruptly to the side, trying to catch whatever the fuck had been following me. I'd caught it off guard, and spotted two familiar eyes attached to an enormous, russet wolf that had backed into the trees.

Too late. I already knew he was there. I averted my eyes. "Jacob, did you honestly follow me here after I crossed the 'invisible' border?" The imposing shadow didn't move. "I know you're there," I chuckled, stopping my movements. I heard a disappointed growl. "I'm walking away now." I stepped forward slowly, eyes ahead, smiling "I'm completely ignoring you, because obviously," I pretended to take offense, "You don't want me anymore." I pouted. No sounds. "Jaaaake…" I called into the woods, seeing nothing. "Hello?" Damn me for being scared.

Out of the forest and towering pines, a large, human, hot, clothed figure grabbed me from behind. My eyes widened as I leaned forward, surprised at the impact. A loud, distinctive, warm bubbles-in-my-stomach laugh escaped Jacob's lips. "I totally scared you! You were freaked out the whole time!" His arms enveloped my waist from the side.

I slapped his forearms. "You did not!"

"Bullshit."

"Fuck you," I mumbled as I wrapped my arms around him, pining and searching for the heat.

"Later," he teased.

I missed these moments, where he acted like the kid he was. The past year of going through changes had permanently aged him, scarred him. He was still fun to be around, exciting, hilarious, but beneath it all, there was still those memories of mistakes, and heartbreak…the experiences of an adult that made him a man, and not only because he happened to have the buff body of a guy in his mid-20s.

I kissed his cheek and smacked it lightly. "Did you follow me all the way here? You stalker…"

"Yep…the guys did the same thing."

"I noticed." I nuzzled my frozen nose against his face, hoping to defrost, as we walked forward. I ducked my head against his chest and paused. "Why are you wearing clothes?" He was clothed in a white t-shirt and blue jeans, rolled up, and he was barefoot.

"I don't know…why am I?" He asked, feigning obliviousness.

I glared at him before laughing, grazing my teeth against his neck. "Because you don't want me to have sex with you, now, because I might get frostbite," I whispered seductively into his ear, nibbling gently.

"Maybe." He smiled at me. My heart skipped a beat. That's what happens when you're in love- things like a smile send your heart racing, and Jacob has the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. I smirked into the side of his face before kissing the side of his lips. We'd finally made it to the others and settled down between Autumn and Quil, the coolness from the sand seeping through my jeans.

Ouil gazed at me as I sat down. "Yo, Swan, you planning to be lame and wear clothes, and actually not come down with hypothermia?" He badgered, tugging at my coat's sleeve. "I can warm you up, you know." He smirked suggestively and reached for my thigh

I moved my legs away and recoiled into Jacob's side. "Only in your fantasies, Quil. " I rolled my eyes, and buried myself against Jacob, lounged to the point where I was almost laying flat on my back, head tucked underneath his arms, sighing contently, body finally thawing

"How do you know about those?" He joked.

Jacob punched his arm. "He never quits."

"Damn right I don't," Quil retorted. "One day…one day she'll see I'm worth it!" He hilariously began a semi-monologue. "One day, she'll be able to resist your charm, and your ridiculously sculpted abs, and the awesome sex, and your Abercrombie and Fitch-face…and then she'll be with me!" I shook my head, laughing and mouthing 'No, no definitely not.' "Come on, just a hug!" He begged.

I closed my eyes, sinking into Jake's embrace. My voice was muffled when I spoke. "Not if that hug involves your hands falling to places they shouldn't be, like when I first came back."

Rachel snickered. "I feel you."

Paul cackled. "And she says she like me."

"Man, Jake," Quil whined. "You get all the ass…why can't I have some too?"

Jake shifted beneath me and hurled a rock at Quil, who, I'm sure, ducked in time with his fast, reflexive instincts, because I heard a crash somewhere behind me. "You can get all the ass you want, Quil, but you're not getting any from this woman in my arms, so keep dreaming." He wrapped his arms around me, lips brushing against my hair. I smiled.

"Hey now…" Julius kicked my ankle. "You just got here. There's no time to sleep." I opened my eyes and observed him towering above me, leering.

"Asshole," I muttered, raising myself to a sitting position, Jake's fiery arms locked around me. Julius strutted to Carmen's side, hauling her to her feet, and they disappeared into the brush, likely for a make out session.

I realized everyone but Jake and I had left the area around the bonfire to toss football in the waves, or throw around a Frisbee in the dark. Brooke and Seth were sitting by the shore, toes and feet sliding in the wet sand, water pooling around them, talking. Kim, Rachel, and Emily were on a rock formation. Rachel appeared to be listening intently to what they were saying. Her eyes were glazing over as she seemed to be lost in her thoughts.

"What are they discussing? She looks…unsure," I whispered to Jacob. His head was level with mine, beside it.

"Paul and imprinting," he explained. His hands covered mine on my waist, lacing our fingers together, removing my mittens. It was such a tender gesture, brief, but it was intimate, at least in my mind. A single touch was all that was needed to ignite all nerve endings beneath my flesh; a sharp contrast of calloused pads and smooth skin beginning to crack from the dryness and the cold. "She hasn't fully grasped the concept yet, and things are starting to, regrettably, progress between her and Paul."

I nodded, closing my eyes again and exhaling into his neck. "This is…calming," I sighed. I listened to the beat of his heart, the sounds of laughter from the others, the waves crashing on the shore, the fire crackling, and the low thrum of a mellow rock song vibrating through the speakers.

He chuckled. "You wouldn't be saying that if I wasn't here. You'd be freezing your cute ass off, and I'd have to rescue you before you froze to death." A glimmer of concern clouded his features.

"My 'cute' ass?" I glanced up at him, beaming. "You're so adorable sometimes, Jacob."

He nuzzled his nose against me, smiling. "I'm adorable, and sexy, and wonderful, and hot, and beautiful and irresistible, and amazing in bed and…"

I laughed, loudly, and kissed his lips briefly, blushing (because of course he was right about all of that). I wrapped my arms around his neck and repositioned myself to kiss him again, smiling against his mouth.

Brooke, Seth, and Quil rejoined us. "So, I'm sitting there, thinking," Brooke said, voice rising slightly as she sat down. I broke away from Jacob and tuned into whatever she was about to say. We did have all night…"…about how, I'm basically,.." She licked her lips as her as Seth prepared smores, handing one to each of us. "…like, five or so years older than Seth, who's not even 18."

"Hey!" Seth jabbed her side, lightly, with a wooden stick. "I look older."

"Oh, I know," she simpered. "But, I still feel like a 'cougar,' going after all of those hunky, much younger males."

"Don't we all," I giggled, leaning forward to place a marshmallow on the stick.

"What?" Jacob poked my side. "You don't like younger men? I'm offended." He pouted.

_Oh yummy, __**yummy**__ lips_. "Jake, honey," I cooed. "I love younger men, you particularly." I winked at him.

Autumn smiled widely as her and Embry joined us. "Well, I do have to agree that the stamina is _ppphhhh_enomenal."

Embry shielded his head with Quil's bag, lying flat on his stomach, mortified. "My girl never ceases to call me out on my qualities."

"Only your best ones." She tickled his bare foot. He twitched and jolted upright.

"Or you know…that could make me a pedophile, now that I think about it." Brooke shivered. "Gross. Dear Lord, forgive me of the sins I may commit…I mean a pedophile? How degrading…"

"Nah," Jake sniggered. "That's Quil."

Quil shot up and lunged at him. Jacob successfully leapt away from me so I could avoid the collision as he and Quil wrestled around. Such boys. I curved forward, laughing, avoiding the commotion behind me.

"Man, fuck you," Quil shouted before returning to his seat.

Jacob was laughing hysterically on the ground behind me, rolling around on his stomach. I couldn't help but join in, and I fell back against the sand, clutching my stomach as I laughed. "Sorry, man, I couldn't help it! That's what you get for hitting on Bella earlier!"

"Dude, I hit on her, like, every day." A smirk curved the edges of his lips upward.

"Yeah and _that_ was the ultimate payback," Jake tried to catch his breath, before bursting out laughing again.

"I imprinted on a two year old, I know! You know I couldn't help it! There's nothing I can do," Quil grumbled.

"It's my fault for causing that little scuffle!" Brooke raised her hand, speaking through her laughter.

"Jake, man, I swear! I feel like you should have imprinted on a fucking infant around this time, so fuck off," Quil attempted to defend himself.

"What the fuck kind of shit is that?" Jacob wheezed, falling to the ground beside me again, laughing.

"Jake," I chuckled, steadying my breathing and laughter. "Calm down." I stroked his hair. He finally sat up beside me, trademark smile present as he drew me in his embrace and smoldering heat.

The night passed rather uneventfully following the 'fight,' all of us either roamed around, talked, or cuddled around the fire. At one point, Jacob and I were alone by the fire, while the others occupied themselves with various activities elsewhere. The atmosphere was peaceful. I felt woozy- Jake's warmth, the flames at our feet, breeze flowing through the trees. It was comfortable. Jake's hands would rub against my sides at regular intervals to keep me warm, and we would occasionally kiss, long, sensuous, or dainty, careful ones. It was so freeing to be able to do this with him. Why had I been so blind before that he was who I was meant for? "Jake," I said into the silence, staring at the flames, eyes blurring. There's something about fire that coaxes you in; flames flickering across your eyes, a blazing heat. And maybe I was making references to Jacob, when it came to fire…the sun, the capability of warming you, luring you in to such beauty and passion.

Fire and Ice. And I'd chosen fire.

"Yeah?"

I faced him, smiling, eyes dropping to his lips before meeting his eyes, curious and adoring. "There is no where I'd rather be than here in your arms." His features softened more, and his eyes hypnotized me…love and emotion, all rolled into one. I cupped his cheek and drew him into a long kiss, nudging his mouth open and greedily sucking on his succulent lips, fingers lingering over the side of his face as his hand rested on my lower back. I don't know what possessed me to say those words; maybe it was the atmosphere- the romantic, homely aura; we were by the fire, the stars were shining in the vacant, obsidian sky, my body was nestled in his arms, our friends, my family, nearby. And honesty, one of the key points in our relationship…one of the things that made it strong.

He pulled away first and I rested my head against his shoulder, hand hovering over his pounding heart, reflecting back to the night I first saw him after I'd left my wedding, where he held me in his arms the entire night. The night I made the decision to pursue something more than friendship with him, the night true happiness was in sight.

He was giving me 'the look' he'd only ever reserved for me, the 'I love you so fucking much and I am beyond happy to be with you' expression. My insides flooded with unmistakable warmth that was always there when he was around and I'm sure my knees would have knocked together if I was standing. He smiled his 'sunshine' smile. I returned it, delight and bliss marking my face. "Was that another version of saying 'I love you'?"

"Yeah," I whispered, chuckling. "I have another one too."

"'Hit me with your best shot,'" he sang quietly, mocking the song, finishing with a 'Dun Dun Dun Du,' like the song did.

I laughed and kissed his neck before looking up at him again. "How about," my tone morphed into a more serious, truthful voice laced with emotion. "There will never be anyone else," I said, just loud enough for him to hear. It was moments like these, where I was in his arms, and we were staring into each other's eyes, that I forgot the world existed and there was nothing else, no one else, but the two of us. My surroundings became fuzzy and my eyes saw nothing but him. It was clichéd, but it was true.

He may have not imprinted on me, but I didn't think there was a need too. Maybe we both had, in a way, imprinted on each other, but not by werewolf standards? "Well," he snickered. "I'll only ever see you, Bella." Wait, that was familiar. "Déjà vu?" He smirked and his cheeks tinted red.

"Very much so." I smiled. "I really do love you by the way."

He traced my lips with a long, rough finger. "I'll never tire of you saying those three words to me." I blushed and lowered my head underneath his neck, grinning widely. "Oh God." My eyes abruptly met his as he startled me. His eyes were wide. "Was that overly romantic?"

"No, it's you."

"Good. Is, uh, this me?" He stood to his feet, smiling sheepishly. I fell against the ground.

I pouted. "Jacob, I was comfortable." He extended his hand. I stared at it for a moment, indecisive, before I grasped his palm. He pulled me to my feet. "What are you doing?" He clutched both of my hands in his own, wordlessly, as I stared at him, eyebrow raised in confusion.

He smiled. "Do you want to dance?"

He led me to a spot a few feet away and closer to the foliage. We were still in the sand and the dying fire was close by. I blushed. "You know I can't dance."

"I don't know about that. What about that night at the club?" He spoke like he was describing a scandal. "Or Carmen's birthday?"

My entire body heated up, recalling my R-Rated night at the club we had yet to return to where our bodies had been pressed together in ways that should be reserved for the bedroom, and my embarrassingly arousing lap dance at the party I performed in my drunken stupor. "That was…" I coughed, hiding how abashed I was. "…a onetime thing."

He grinned seductively and whispered in my ear, ensnaring it between his lips and teeth. "That's not what you said last night." He inclined his head away, moving so we weren't flesh on flesh.

I whimpered. Last night, I'd found myself, sober, in his bedroom while his family was out, dancing for him…naked. I swallowed back a moan. "I'm not doing that here, not in front of them, again." I glanced around, eyes setting on the others, either wandering around, kissing, or laying down, enjoying the down time.

He leaned in closer to me. "I meant, like a slow dance." Our eyes met.

"O-Oh." I hesitated. "As long as you walk me through it."

"I won't need to." He pulled me closer, so I was mere inches away from his body. "You'll move with me unconsciously. I think you forget how in tune we are with each other, as far as movements and touching are concerned." He winked.

I paused. "But, there's no good music."

"Music can be anything." He smiled, and without releasing one of my hands he turned the radio up a notch with his free hand. It was faint, but I could hear the tune of Seether's 'Careless Whisper.'

_I feel so unsure_

_As I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor_

"Jake," I chuckled as he grasped me again. "This song is so depressing."

"Forgetting that, it's actually sort of beautiful…"

My heart sped up.

_As the music dies_

_Something in your eyes_

_Calls to mind a silver screen_

_And all of the sad goodbyes_

I relaxed and listened to the echo of the song. He began swaying us around in a circle, his fingers twined with mine as he gazed in my eyes. "See…"

I grinned shyly. Keeping one set of our hands together, his other dropped to my waist, heat soaking through my skin. I'd forgotten how cold it was outside. My now empty hand slid up his chest and I rested my palm flat against his shirt, feeling the firm muscles and soft, burning skin through the fabric. His head lowered so it was level with mine. I closed my eyes, relishing the feel of his feverish cheek against mine. My hand crept around his side.

_We could have lived this dance forever_

_Now who's going to dance with me_

_Please stay_

There was nothing sexual about the closeness. It was physical need. Jacob and I had always been into the whole touching thing, even as friends. Hand holding, our faces (nestled beneath his chin, nose tickling his cheek, arm or neck, or resting against his shoulder in an embrace), or our bodies meshed against one another. We were swaying back and forth, moving around in the vicinity that didn't expand much more than our feet, arms waving back and forth, like a pair dancing would do. This moment was binding us, in a way. An on the surface, out in the open, proof of how close and in sync we were with each other, how much our bodies called for each other. How, our bodies played on auto-pilot, no need for instructions on how to do this or that, or what's appropriate or what feels nice because our minds just knewwhat the other liked. It was the main reason why making love between us had been easy to fall into, free from awkwardness, and downright spectacular. It was also the ability to comfort the other appropriately, hold each other in time of need, knowing what to do, to touch or to not, in various stages of emotions.

It wasn't only sexual desire. This was love, comfort, friendship, family. The perfect combination.

_I'm never going to dance again_

_These guilty feet have got no rhythm_

_Though it's easy to pretend_

_I know you're not a fool_

_I should have known better than to cheat a friend_

_A wasted chance that I've been given_

_So I'm never going to dance again..._

_The way I danced with you_

I craved complete connection in our dance, so I leisurely released my grip on his hand, gliding it up his arm, eliciting a tiny moan from him, as my arms wrapped around his body, eyes closing again. He took the hint and arranged both of his hands on my lower back, my chest crushed against his. My hand splayed across his chest and I listened to his heart beat steadily increasing. _Thump thump_. I inhaled his scent, the smell I now associated with home. The music disappeared and all I could hear was the drumming of his heart, as well as mine.

It was perfection.

I placed an open mouthed kiss against his clothed chest and inclined my head back enough to look at him. He leaned down to capture my lips in a long, tender kiss.

The song was right. I wouldn't be able to dance with anyone else the way I did with him…sexually, emotional binds, reading of each other's actions and expressions. This relationship was one of a kind; it had been even when we were only friends.

I was entirely his. And he knew that. I never wanted things to change.

"I want to take you somewhere," his voice, low and husky, interrupted my thoughts. "It's a surprise." He smiled and squeezed my hand.

"Okay," I exhaled, recovering from the intoxication of being in such close proximity to him. He lead me away into the trees and back to where I'd parked. I followed reluctantly. "Do they know?"

He turned around and brought me to his side, hand draping over my shoulder, our fingers entwining. "I informed the pack earlier to keep away from that particular area on patrol tonight, so we should be good."

I looked at him, thoughts running wild. "Are we having a rendezvous in the woods, Jacob Black?"

He threw his head back, laughing. "You think you have me all figured out…"

"Well, you never cease to amaze me, sometimes, so I guess I don't." We stopped beside my truck. I noticed there happened to be a huge cloth-like thing and a bag in the bed of it. "Uh, what the hell?" I pointed to the back.

"You'll see." He smirked as he tugged me to the passenger door, opening it for me. I hopped in, eying him suspiciously, paying special attention to the huge smile on his face as he made his way around the car to the driver's seat.

I was freezing again even as he ducked inside and closed the door behind him. I reached for the blanket I hadn't seen before that was spread over the back of the seat. He started the truck, holding his hand for me to take. I inched closer, clutching the blanket to my shoulders and grasped his outstretched palm, hand instantly warming up. I sighed, relieved at the meager amount of heat, although I was still shivering.

"Don't make me say it," he chuckled, eyes on the road as we sped past the others' vehicles and down the street, ascending a mountain.

"Say what?" My teeth chattered, frame shaking from the cold that would not go find someone else to cling to.

"108 degrees over here." He released my hand and motioned in a come-hither manner with his arm.

I laughed, remembering what he'd said, earlier this year. I moved to his side and snuggled against him, violent tremors subsiding as his arm wrapped around me. "Where are you taking me?"

"You'll see." We were driving further up the mountain.

"Jake!" I cried. "Are you crazy? It's like the fucking arctic circle outside, minus the snow, and you want to take me _higher_?"

"Shhh," he brought his finger to his mouth, leaving no hands on the wheel. "Wait."

The car began to drift into the other lane. "Jacob!" He cackled and returned his hands to the wheel.

"Like I would let anything happen to you," he whispered into my hair, kissing my head. I shuddered, not from the cold (I was warming up quite nicely), but from the simplest touch.

We were turning down a dirt path, too small for a vehicle, and driving uphill…in my truck. After a while, he pulled Ol' Faithful into a small clearing and jumped out of the car, leaving me alone, again, and currently about to become Frosty the Snow_woman_, without the snow, of course. I couldn't even angle my head to see what he was doing behind me. I yanked the blanket over my ears, trying to cover every part of me, so I could avoid the winter weather sifting through the cracks of the doors, and its possible side effects on my human body. I heard the back rattle as he removed whatever he'd stacked back there. He leapt off the truck, the car creaking slightly and reappeared at the side door minutes later, opening it. An icy wind swept through the bunk. I thanked whatever higher being there was above, again, that it wasn't snowing. He stretched his hand out. "You ready?" He nodded his head behind the truck.

I shook my head vigorously, glaring. "I can n-not move, J-Jacob," I said, voice trembling.

He laughed. Jerk. "I thought you trusted me?"

I rolled my eyes and turned away. "Right now I don't."

I saw his lips curve downward. "I did this for you, for _us_." I shook my head. His voice softened, setting off flurries in my stomach full force. "I would never let anything happen to you," he repeated his earlier words with more emphasis. I met his pleading eyes. He twitched his hand. "Now, come on."

I sighed, giving in, and reached for his hand. His face brightened and although I was somewhat angry with him, I returned it. Jacob's smile was not something you could deny. He gently tugged me out of the car as I kept the blanket tight around me, his hands on my waist. He shut the door and led me to a place behind the truck. We were near a cliff that overlooked the rest of the land. The stars were so bright it was like you could stretch your fingers out and touch them. Everywhere I looked the trees were crowded together, adding to the seemingly impenetrable darkness. My eyes widened; a few yards away there was a tent. It was medium-sized, and a foldable loveseat and pit-fire were in front of it, facing the horizon. A small, dim light hung from within the tent.

I glanced at him. "I don't get it. It's beautiful, everything is, but I don't understand why you did this."

"Like I need a reason?" His face fell. "Doesn't this place look familiar to you?" I looked around, not registering much. He crossed his arms and his lips curved into a disheartened frown, eyebrows furrowed in thought. He was adorable. He stared into my eyes again, searching for some kind of sign I knew what the heck he was talking about.

I slowly shook my head. "I'm sorry, Jacob."

He sighed, rubbing his hand over his face and clutching the back of his neck in frustration. He paced in a circle. I watched him, upset that I may have hurt his feelings. He stopped suddenly and smiled, facing me. He approached me with a determined look in his face, wanting to help me recognize this place. I dug into the depths of my memory, realizing it was really only capable of withholding moments from the days since we'd been reunited in Georgia, back in September.

"Jacob, what is this about? I mean I love you and all, but you have me confused over what you want me to remember."

He shrugged. "You could ask me."

"What?" I shook my head, brain unclear. "Okay, um, why are we here?"

"That's not what I meant."

I staggered back as his words repeated in my head and a memory I couldn't believe I'd almost forgotten came back into my mind. My mouth gaped. He'd brought me _here_? Near the place I'd found out I was in love with him? It all made sense now…the tent…Oh my God…I was so fucking idiotic! How could that have escaped my mind? This was _so_ Jacob!

My smile stretched from ear to ear. My heart throbbed and warmth coursed through my veins.

Fire.

"Jacob, I don't need to ask you to kiss me and you don't need permission!" I shrugged the blanket off my shoulders and marched towards him, pulling him into a kiss, one of our few and far between, jaw- unhinging ones, tongues dueling, lips sliding against each other's mouth, an all consuming heat trickling through my pores, and my insides reacted with desire for him…for _my_ Jacob.

It was a reenactment of our first, real kiss, when I realized I'd never been kissed like that.

Minus the hair tugging in hopes that he'd pull away; now it was hair grasping because I wanted more. I wanted it all. And I had it all.

And instead of him initiating it like that time, _I _was.

I pulled away, gasping for breath.

"Took you long enough," he snickered, fucking giddy.

"Why the tent though?" I followed him inside it after he retrieved my blanket.

He gave me a suggestive look, wiggling his eyebrows. "Well," he began, smiling. "Since you wouldn't allow me to keep you warm with your clothes off that night, I thought I'd perform what should have, and would have happened, as much as you'll deny it, if _Eduardo_ wasn't there."

I grinned, jaw dropping. "You devious, sexy, asshole!"

He winked. "But you love me."

I laughed, seizing his arm as we ducked into the tent. "Yes I do. I'm in love with you, remember?" I chuckled, pulling the blanket around me again. "Honest to God though, Jacob…" I eyed him as he sat beside me. "It's fucking freezing, so please," I crawled into his lap, smiling, looking at him beneath my lashes. "Make it better," I whispered seductively into his ear, grinding against his crotch.

I trailed a tongue along the rim of his ear. "One more thing," he groaned, nipping at his lower lip before kissing his jaw.

"What's that?" I moaned, slipping my frigid hands beneath his shirt to caress his abs. He flinched slightly at the contact before extracting me from his lap and setting me aside. Sitting on the floor, I sulked as he crouched to fetch something from the corner. I watched in awe as he revealed a sleeping bag.

Whoa.

* * *

_(Jacob's POV)_

Her face was priceless as I unrolled the sleeping bag and unzipped it for her. "Go ahead," I gestured with my hands. She looked so adorable in her five million layers of clothes and blanket around her entire body; her face was the only thing peeking through and she was shivering. I'd warm her up…soon.

It was the fucking most random idea I'd had in ages. I had known it was going to be cold tonight, so, being the loving, caring, thoughtful, amazingboyfriend I was (Ha! I was Bella Swan's boyfriend; take that motherfuckers…and Mike Newton!) I returned to her house and grabbed an extra blanket. I was in her room, knowing she was well on her way to the bonfire, and it hit me as I'd uncovered the sleeping bag concealed beneath the blanket.

So, I'd arrived late, 'stalking' her gorgeous, red faced, tiny self. The guys and I had all planned to 'follow' the girls as wolves and see if they'd notice (the mythical ones, also known as Leah and Autumn, were the only ones that did). I'd relayed the idea to the guys' then- to take her to the spot where she fully realized she was in love with me, where undoubtedly, if Edward hadn't been such a peeping tom, Bella and I would have _so_ 'got it on' in the tent that night, even if was only to keep her warm…Okay, maybe that would have been asking for too much.

Things would have been different, when she realized how damn good I was at making her feel, how I would, if she asked, fuck her senseless anywhere, anytime. Unlike Edward, the prude…Edward, Mr. 'How-in-the-hell-does-he-get-it-up-the-damn-107-year-old-virgin'? Although, I really doubt he was; it was all bullshit to me. I mean, going that long without sex? He must have needed some serious alone time.

I recalled how surprised I'd been when I'd found out he and Bella had never slept together. _I_ was given that privilege to take her.

Whatever the case was, this whole 'trip' had been spontaneous, perfect, and so me to bring her here.

The look in her eyes, beneath the lust, was a spark of light, an admiration for me doing this, for reliving this memory, with some alterations, of course.

I watched as she crawled in the sleeping bag, staring up at me, undoing the bag enough so it lay open with only her feet tucked in. She was shamelessly licking her lips and nibbling on her thumbnail as her eyes scanned over my clothed crotch, chest, and stomach.

So what if this excursion had been romantic? I was romantic in my own way. We were in the woods, the sky was spotless so the stars fucking glittered (star light, star bright…let me make her feel good, I mean _real good_…and prevent her from getting sick).

Shit…she'd probably get a cold after this…or the flu…or something. What the fuck was I thinking?

Never mind that. She was eying my lips with fucking intense interest as I settled beside her. She pulled me into a kiss, lips slightly chapped, clutching the nape of my neck, pulling me down on top of her and threading her fingers through my hair. And then she thrust against me, hips brushing against my erection.

And all thoughts of this weather went through the window…I mean, tent.

God, I was going to make her _scream_ tonight. There was nobody around for miles…hopefully.

She was still quivering though and I was overwhelmed with the feeling to take the cold away, as I pressed my body against hers. "I don't want to crush you," I said against her lips, moving against her, my member brushing between her legs and against her crotch.

Fuck yeah.

"Jake," she moaned. God, I loved hearing that from her mouth. "It's fine." She removed her mittens (somehow she'd put them on again between the time in the car and now) so her icy hands were cupping my overheated cheeks. "You know how much I can take."

And my brain went straight in the gutter. _Oh honey, I know you can take it all__**.**__ 'Little Jake,' in fact, my entire body, likes you a lot._ And hewas rising to the occasion, as usual. Bella did that to me, always.

"So Jake," she said between kisses; was she trying to start a conversation? I couldn't think straight, so I mumbled incoherent responses as I kissed her neck and she breathed into my ear. "Are you going to act out on those fantasies you had the last night we were in a tent together?"

I wasn't expecting that. I laid her back down and removed my shirt in one swift, neat movement. The almost glacial air felt fantastic against my skin. "That's my plan, honey."

Her nose was red and her cheeks were begging to be pinched. I couldn't help but kiss her nose, nuzzling against it. I'm a sap, I admit. She giggled and my stomach bubbled at the sound of it. I smiled down at her, and watched her hands draw patterns down my chest and abs as I leaned back. She really liked my abs.

I mean, they were nice, I admit, but…

_Whoa damn_. Her mouth had replaced her hands and she was bent over in front of me, running her tongue along my stomach, her breath visible in the air, as her hands dug into my back.

Was I hot or what? I mean, literally…yeah, totally what I meant.

I reluctantly pushed her away as she reached for the button of my jeans, hands quaking from the cold. In fact, she was always like that with me when we'd explore each other's bodies. She'd get nervous and ogle my form like she'd never seen me nude, or even shirtless (now that's insane right there. I tended to always be without that article of clothing) every time. And she was turned on, and that was almost it for me right then. I laid her back down, my body on top. "You still have too many clothes on." She stared up at me, dismayed. She was stillworried about freezing? It was going to be a fucking sauna in here by the time I was done with her.

I drew her into another kiss as she nimbly worked her numb fingers to the zipper of her jacket, so she was in her long sleeved shirt. I assisted, gladly, and yanked it over her head. I removed her boots and socks, snorting at the sight of the fake fur, and massaging her icy feet frantically between my hands, before covering us with the sleeping bag, and leaning over her again, trying to isolate my warmth so it was transferring to her only.

Her bra had been shoved down throughout our 'rough and tumble' and an extremely erect nipple poked through the thin fabric. Oh fuck. I groaned and rubbed against her, settling between her legs. I lowered my head and fused my lips to the skin of her collarbone, lifting her shirt up and dragging my tongue along her belly, unhooking her jeans. I wanted to tease, although my cock was practically screaming for attention. But, this was about her…I could wait.

For a short while.

_**(A sex scene was here, but because of fanfiction's guidelines you will have to go to my BlogSpot OR my group for this story on JacobBlack-n-Pack linked in my profile to read the scene. JacobBlack-n-Pack has full chapters and BlogSpot will just have the scenes. I hear they're taking down the more graphic stories here, so to be safe, the scene is there. I know it's annoying, but I'd rather not have this story deleted)**_

* * *

I slumped beside her, pulling her limp body against mine as she nestled her head into my arm. "Oh my God," she laughed, breathless. "How…How are you so fucking good?"

My ego fucking burst at the seams as I faced her, curving her against me. She opened her eyes and looked up at me. "Honey, I only make it that good for you," I responded, smiling.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't be ridiculous. I think it's a talent you were born with and destined to explore in your later years."

"Yeah, but I love you. My main focus us you." I tapped her nose. "If you get off, if you achieve maximum pleasure, my own pleasure is pushed to the back."

She smiled at me, blushing. Her cheeks were darker than they'd been throughout the night. Man, she was beautiful. Even with her hair damp and plastered against her forehead and back, sweaty as hell…she was glowing. Her skin practically illuminated.

It was how she looked the morning after we'd spent the night making love to each other for the first time, how she looked after every time, how she looked since we first got together, although the glow was more prominent now that we'd had sex. The happiness emitted from her in waves. I was always happy with her, so it just made me more happy...

_I_ made her happy.

I held her close, listening to the rapid pitter-patter of her heart slow and her breathing even out. Reminding myself how hard I fought for her to not lose those things, and how much they meant to me to hear them.

"So, really," she said, lulling me from my thoughts. "Was this one of the things on your mind when we were in the tent oh so long ago, when there were boundaries between us I refused to cross?" She smiled mischievously at me.

I smirked. "All of it." It wasn't a lie.

"I love you." She smiled, chuckling. "But…" I stared at her, anxious. She gazed as me from beneath her lashes before straddling my waist, settling on my stomach. "I know how you like me best," she arched her back, chest thrust outward before leaning forward and dragging her fingers and nails across my chest. I smiled naughtily up at her_. _Yep, I was hard again. What was that stuff Autumn said about stamina? God's gift to the pack. She rolled her hips against my crotch. "Already?" She moaned throatily.

"Only for you," my voice cracked slightly with lust, as my hands stroked her thighs on either side of me. She was so powerful in that position, so open, so _not_ vulnerable. She couldn't hide from me when she was above me.

She cast her head back and closed her eyes as my fingers latched onto her hips. Her eyes bore into mine. "I'm getting cold again, Jake." And her skin _was_ cooling off.

"And what are you going to do about it?" I said, using my signature 'sexy' voice and snickering. She lifted her hips, and shakily raised herself before sliding down to take me in. Fuck.

"Oh Jake…oh yes," she moaned as she slowly lowered herself down on top of me, hands resting flat against my abs until I disappeared within her and she sat completely on me, no space between us, inner thighs against my pelvis. She clenched her hips and swiveled them, once. "Oooo…Oh yeah." She licked her lips and I was fucking entranced. A deadly smirked crossed her face and she raised herself up, again, and hovered over my cock, leaning over me. She was teasing me now, brushing her center against the tip. I glared at her in frustration. She was going to play games.

"Tell me how much you want it, Jacob."

Payback time.

_I wanna be your last, first kiss_

_That you'll ever have_

_I wanna be your last, first love (that you'll ever have)_

_Till you're lying here beside me with arms and eyes open wide_

_I wanna be your last, first kiss for all time_

_**/END FLASHBACK**_

* * *

___The not too distant future_

I always asked myself why I let these thoughts take me over. It was too much to handle sometimes. We were done, even though a part of me, small, stored away deep inside, wanted nothing more for it to be farfrom over.

Things had happened that were beyond my control, and I didn't see us ever being _one _again.

Yet, I began to reconsider that thought, when fate decided to smack me in the face shortly after NYU's graduation and she was abruptly thrown back into my life again.

And that was when things got complicated.

Because, for the first time in my life, the moment I saw her again, I didn't know what I wanted.

_Maybe it's better this way_

_We've hurt each other with the things we want to say_

_We could have been so good together…_

* * *

(A/N: Anybody pick out the quotes I mentioned in the disclaimer…or my stab at _Breaking Dawn_? ;D Bella's college graduation dress in my Jacob-Black-n-Pack group for this story/photo bucket account)


	23. Return

Disclaimer: What you recognize belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Lyrics: Already Over Part 2- Red (GAH. This song is so beautiful and heartbreaking; you should go listen to it!), and the songs mentioned/that play are She Can Get It- Kevin Rudolf and Lips of an Angel- Hinder

(A/N: Thanks for the reviews, faves, and alerts!Congrats to** Jaliz06 **for being my _400__th_ review! The title says it all; I can finally kick off the part of the story I am most looking forward to writing! **PAY ATTENTION TO THE DATES/PLACES!**)

* * *

**Chapter 21: Return**

_Early September- approximately 3 years and 9 months after Bella left Forks _

_New York City, New York_

_(Bella's POV)_

The day I turned twenty-three was the day Alice's vision became something that would inevitably occur.

Angela, Ashley, Kyle, and I were living together in a huge suite in the center of New York City that overlooked the main center with its thousands of buildings, cars, and people. We were doing our own thing, but sticking together until each of us reached the big time: Ashley the actress, Angela the CEO (sophomore year she'd changed her major to business and accounting), Kyle the fashion designer, and me the writer, or professional chef. I thoroughly enjoyed cooking. I would frequently buy bags of cooking books in search for new things to try in the kitchen. I didn't know how I would make it in the 'big time' as a writer. What the hell would I write about? My life? Would that sell? Or would people threaten to lock me up in an asylum?

We were experiencing our lives as individuals _and_ together. It was nice to have a mini support group.

We'd discussed, recently, about two weeks ago, the prospect of starting a business together, a small one, seeing as we had a lot of money to work with stored away in our accounts. Well, I did. The Cullen's had made a habit of depositing a rather large check into my account on special occasions. Esme had explained that it was a gift. I didn't need all of that money, but I knew they were trying to help, and possibly make up for what I'd had to do so many years ago, so I accepted it, and locked away a great sum for future use.

The business we'd discussed would have me, the cook, as well as granting me free time to work on my novel, or whatever I was going to eventually publish (if I even got that far); Angela would be the manager; Kyle would make clothes and our website. He was elated at the idea of creating advertisements for our 'partnership.' He was obsessed with creating and designing anything he could imagine; Ashley was along for the ride, popping into auditions every chance she got, but she was also an expert in interior decorating. A catering company, or a clothes store, seemed like the plan.

We'd placed an ad out for a space to begin working in all over town, as well as on the internet, and no one had contacted us. We'd even consulted the idea with our other friends, parents, and the Cullen's, especially Carlisle and Esme.

The four of us were gathered in the living room, digging into the birthday cake they'd baked for me, about to open my presents. We were lounging around, laughing and talking about how the years had flown by, and the crazy stuff we'd gotten into, and how I was getting old. The notion of aging had bothered me so much when I was with Edward, but now, I welcomed it, ready to gain all the knowledge I could as I advanced through the various stages of my life.

I had changed, physically- hair shortened, different style, a little curvier…not by much...I was still slender- and emotionally as well; I felt I was successfully going through life, single, employed, although my internship had ended a week ago, and stronger, in a way. I was an adult, out on my own, no parents to guide me, although Charlie and Renee called every week.

One thing didn't change: I wore Jake's bracelet and Autumn's necklace daily. And I still thought about him, _us_, **them**. I was through attempting to push down those thoughts. I found thinking about him, and the others, helped me, because I recalled how much being with Jacob somehow influenced who I was to be for the rest of my life, regardless if I ever saw him again.

The knock on the door that day, moments after we'd devoured my cake, was the announcement of fate's arrival, although, I hadn't known at the time.

"Are you getting that?" Kyle said, licking his plate clean of frosting, sitting on the floor.

"Sure, sure," I chuckled, and stood to my feet, wiping my mouth of any remnants of cake with a napkin.

I slid the door open and laid eyes upon a woman wearing dress pants and a blouse, with brown hair in soft waves, a round face, probably about 40 or so years old, clutching an enormous carry on purse. I leaned against the frame, the others eyes on me as they cleaned up. I didn't recognize her. "May I help you?"

She smiled warmly. "Are you Isabella Swan, by any chance?"

I hesitated. "Yes…is something wrong?"

She shook her head. "Oh, no, nothing life that! I'm Lydia." She extended her hand and I shook it for a brief moment. "I came across your ad online and I was familiar the name. You're Charlie Swan's daughter, am I correct?"

I felt the presence of my roommates behind me. "Yes, I am."

"I went to school with him, and was good friends with him and your mother. I contacted him again after I read the ad and he explained how you and your friends were hoping for a place to start a business."

Oh. I finally smiled and opened the door, motioning for her to come inside. I closed the door behind her as she removed her bag and dropped it on the dining room table, joining her as she sat down. My roommates had disappeared and reappeared all tidied up- full make up and professional clothes. Why hadn't I had time to change as well?

All of our eyes were on Lydia as she began. "I have a space up for grabs. It's a three story building. I'm looking to hand the area over to someone else and move to a more populated and well known area. The property I'm offering is rather popular, but my business was getting a bit big to stay."

"Do you think our catering business would be as successful as yours was?" Ashley interjected, reading over the forms Lydia had arranged on the table. I looked over her shoulder.

"Oh, definitely." She pulled out several sheets of formal looking paper. "The area is hopping. I've had people from another state ask for my assistance. If you in-your-face-advertise and do it correctly, it shouldn't be a problem."

Kyle grinned. "That would be all me."

She smiled before continuing. "If you're concerned about money, I still have to pay off the down payment for the rent, so your expenses won't be needed for another two months, if you choose to take the job within a week. It's a nice location and people are asking about it, so you would have to accept it as soon as possible."

"Money isn't really a problem." I twined my fingers together and looked at her. "We want to do it all ourselves and work to earn money, even if we already have it."

"I'll be hanging around to help you out. I'll train each of you as well, not that you need much of it."

Angela voiced her anxiety. I'd noticed she was a little…twitchy. "How many employees do you think we'd need?"

"I wouldn't worry about too many. You want to start small, right?" We nodded. "All you need is a manager."

Ashley indicated Angela, smiling. "Right here."

"Indeed…" Lydia's face brightened. "You have quite the outstanding GPA, Angela. You know what you're doing." Angela nodded, blushing at the compliment. "So, would you be willing to take it?" She asked, cautiously.

"Yes," we all said simultaneously, laughing.

"Excellent. Just sign here, each of you. I'm almost positive you can be moved in within a month. It'll give you time to sell this place, which I'm sure wouldn't be difficult because you guys chose a hot spot in New York City to live in."

"Where exactly is this business at?" I asked, signing the final sheet that gave the rights to the property and her business to us.

"Bella, I'm sure you're familiar with the area."

I flinched and my heart raced at speeds I didn't think could be calculated. The others stopped what they were doing and glanced at me and back to her, waiting. "I'm not sure what you mean."

"It's on a mountain in Port Angeles, Washington, just outside the city's center."

I couldn't even think properly. It was like a continuous stream of 'I was going back' ran through my brain, and I was incapable of thinking of anything else. Kyle and Ashley would see my home and nothing I could do or say would stop their prying and vigorous questioning about my life. And there would be no way I could avoid my old friends. It wasn't possible. Once word got out, destiny would reunite me with them, with Jacob. They'd be nearby, not even an hour away.

But would the end result be good…or bad? What would happen? What would I do if I saw them again…_when_ I see them again?

I didn't even want to avoid them, although a part of me was terrified.

Alice was right all along. It was so stupid of me to even think she'd been wrong.

I was going back home.

* * *

_You never go_

_You're always here_

_Beneath my skin_

_I cannot run away_

_Fading slowly_

_The End of September_

_Forks/Port Angeles, Washington_

I couldn't believe I was back.

The weather was the same with the usual gloomy, menacing skies, and a downpour of rain pelting against my car. My windshield wipers scraped back and forth, Angela was by my side. Ashley and Kyle were behind us in her Lexus, and the moving truck brought up the rear. We'd driven across the country.

Trees, forests lining the streets and the occasional mountains in the distance or to the side. Steep peaks towering above the road, revealing a maze of branches, roots, trees, and dirt. Almost no signs of life, like I remembered.

My mind was dizzy with memories as I spotted familiar places as we drove down the narrow, wet roads. Passing the sign with an arrow pointing to a gravel road lined with rich, green shrubbery that said 'La Push- Quileute Indian Reservation.' Behind it was a vast expanse of woods, a beach, and mountains. That had almost done me in- a visible memory of Jacob, the pack, the girls, flowing into my mind. Angela watched my ever-changing expression curiously as I drove. Another recollection made by the path I knew led to the meadow that, at one time, had been Edward and my meadow, where the wolves had saved me from a gruesome death by Laurent, where I saw Jake in wolf-form for the first time, where so much had occurred. Another trail leading to the Cullen's old home; for a second, I wondered if it was still capable of being inhabited. I was thankful when we finally came to a stop in front of a store a short distance away from the shopping district. _This_ was our new home in Port Angeles and our privately owned business.

The residence was a three story, dark cheery wood building, reminiscent of a mountain style home, which was fitting because we were on one. Timberland surrounded it, and a tiny, dirt parking lot was positioned up front. We pulled in and stepped out just as the rain slackened.

"Wow," Ashley breathed, slamming the car door shut, walking forward to investigate. Kyle turned around in a circle and observed the surroundings. No road lights, no buildings besides the strip mall we'd passed on the way here. Green all around, surprisingly enhanced, brighter, by the overcast skies and threatening clouds. Angela and I joined Ashley and Kyle.

"This is where both of you lived?" Kyle gasped, turning to us, eyes wide, thoughtful. Angela and I shared a smile. I tucked my hands into my coat pocket as the wind picked up.

"I really have to become a country girl now, don't I," Ashley said, humorously, rolling her eyes and smiling.

"I'm afraid so," I chuckled, crossing my arms and shivering as another icy wind rustled the trees.

Angela gestured down the road. "We actually lived in Forks, about an hour away, not even."

I leaned against the hood of my car, trying to calm down. I was on edge, unsure of how I felt about the move. It was a mixture of excitement, being proud of what we'd accomplished, and terror, fear of what I'd discover after all these years. To blame was that stupid, nagging voice in the back of my mind. "Bella," Ashley interrupted my mental tirade. I glanced sharply at her. "We passed a sign that said La Push. Was that…?"

I hopped off the car and headed to the doorway. The others followed. "Yes."

I explored our new home and workplace. The movers began to unload our belongings. We'd be needed soon to assist and tell them where to put things. Lydia ordered them around on the ground floor. Inside, a spacious counter was to our left, displaying nothing, but would surely be stocked up with every delectable cookie, cake, whatever else imaginable. The walls were wooden, as well as the entire bottom floor. A shelf behind the counter and 'front desk' was full of wine bottles, various other alcoholic beverages, and mixers for drinks. Kyle immediately ran behind the counter and skimmed his fingers over the bottles. "Sweetness," he said, eying them like a kid on Christmas morning.

I pushed the two way door open that led to the kitchen- a wide, sizable room with numerous black and gray marble counters, a tall ceiling, a stove, sink. Lights dangled from the ceiling; a triangular window to my far left overlooked the beautiful scenery we'd acquired. I rummaged through the cabinets, finding every baking essential possible. Skylights were positioned above. I left the kitchen, ignoring my flexing hands begging to go all out in here.

The entire place had an old fashioned appearance, with a blend of modern décor. It was a gorgeous combination.

Lydia had explained that the structure was made in the 1930's, and had add-ons from the recent renovation. We required running water, especially since it was the new millennia, and us 'younglings' couldn't imagine a time where we didn't have the gifts of this new age.

I walked up the stairs directly across from the entrance alongside the kitchen. The second floor was an open studio. White or plain colored wooden table were arranged in rows. There were mirrors against the walls, and a dressing room. Sewing supplies were stored in several boxes stacked near a couple of the tables. Fabric was hung or folded neatly in corners and on the tables. This would undoubtedly be Kyle's floor.

The wall window overlooked the 'backyard,' a vast vision of trees and the upwards slope of the mountain. This ceiling was by far the highest in the house, and the light coming through the windows made it unnecessary to have any artificial light. Even if it was overcast, the glow was perfect- dim, creepily beautiful almost. There were black and white leather couches in corners. The floor could've been deemed claustrophobic and too crowded or busy, but it really wasn't. There were two bedrooms and bathrooms, one for Kyle and one for Ashley, who was already unpacking her things.

I continued up the stairs to the top floor where I'd been informed two full apartments were fixed for Angela and me. I went to my side, coming across a small living room as I crept in. It was brown and plain, although the fridge and stove were quite high tech in appearance. Cabinets were suspended almost freely, like nothing was keeping them there except the ceiling. A grungy white carpeted floor covered the entire area, and there was plain white tile in the kitchen. I walked down a barely-there hallway and directly into a gigantic bedroom, my new bedroom. White walls, a dresser next to me with a mirror. A desk and a bookshelf were on the opposite side. On the other wall beside the dresser was my bed, cloaked with a high priced black sheet and comforter set and built into the wall, raised on a sort of platform. Now _that_ was contemporary. It faced a floor-to-ceiling window that obscured completely the side of the room. Nothing leaned against it or blocked it. It overlooked the back of our property and the horizon was visible. I could watch the sunrise and sunset here. Thank God there were curtains though, black ones that could be closed over the window as much as I pleased. A balcony lined the entire window, which happened to be a series of sliding glass doors.

I stumbled further into the room, past the bed and bookcase, to a beige-colored, monstrous bathroom. It included white marble counters and floors, and a glass shower door with single bowl shaped sink embedded in a vast counter paired with a mirror. It was sleek and sophisticated. I felt everything about the apartment fit me.

In a way we all had our own places. We each had separate apartments, complete with a bathroom, bedroom, and kitchen. The only thing that united was that we lived under the same roof, and held the same job.

Charlie, my mother, and the Cullen's, thanks to Alice, obviously, knew I was back. I wasn't planning to inform anyone else of my arrival until we kicked things off, prepared everything, and not until we were moved in. I kept telling myself that was the only reason, but the real reason I was keeping quiet was that I was still scared of the 'welcome' I'd receive and the reactions from the others and Jacob.

Would he consider taking me back? It'd been almost four years. That was wishful thinking and hope for too much.

* * *

_Early November_

I hadn't had a chance to visit anyone and it wasn't because I was hiding. I knew I could handle it. We'd been insanely busy setting up the store, decorations, painting, organizing, baking to have products for customers to sample and look at. We put together books with fabrics, designs, pictures of what we could do with our cakes, toppings, and flavors, as well as ideas for themes. Moving in had wiped us out.

Lydia had asked for help from her own employees to train us and help us set up because there was so much to do. I'd never been so busy in my life. We worked all day and through most of the evening. I managed to snag an average of 5 hours of sleep a night if I was lucky.

All of us were sprawled on the studio floor, lying underneath the ceiling fan turned on to the highest setting. Lydia had said her goodbyes and told us we were 'ready' and left us that day. We'd had the store open for a week and already had orders in and customers asking us to cater birthdays, weddings, and make clothes for them. There was a pleasant sum of money coming in. We had a wide range of characters stop by, from rich sophisticates, to lower middle class mountain dwellers looking for a deal, which we offered. Kyle's studio was a mess of materials, fabrics, and drawings. The kitchen was stocked with spices, platters, trays, utensils, _pretty things_ for food and garnishes, pots and pans. It all felt so real. This was what it felt like to work for a living.

"Thank the Lord Almighty that we're done. Now we can focus on customers and sleep, and stop worrying about everything being in order or working properly," Ashley exhaled, breathing deeply. She blotted her face with a paper towel and glanced at the stained napkin. She glared before slinging it across the room. "Fucking hell. Now my make-up's smeared." She stood up and fled into her apartment. "Give me a sec," she shouted through the wall.

"I feel like I'm paralyzed," Kyle gasped, lying on the floor. He chuckled. "My back is killing_ m_e." He sat up and gripped his shoulders.

"Oh, don't be a wimp," I cackled, pulling my hair into a tight bun, lifting it off my sweat soaked neck and shoulders. I didn't even wear any makeup; hard work didn't require it and I'd look like Ashley had with my makeup everywhere. I hauled Kyle to his feet when I heard a bell jingle, signaling someone had come in. Ashley, freshly pampered, raced out of the bathroom and downstairs. "I'll help them!" She smiled. She was always enthusiastic about conversing with anyone. She was fantastic with people.

"Do we have to?" Kyle moaned.

"Yes," I laughed. "Now go be an amazing person and talk them up." I slapped his side as he limped off. "You'll pay for this, Swan. Making me work," he muttered.

Angela slid off the table and called after him. "And Kyle, being paralyzed means you can't feel anything, so find a better reference."

He marched back upstairs and peeked around the corner, waving his middle finger at us, mouthing 'fuck you,' before disappearing downstairs, laughing loudly.

"Asshole," Angela snickered, tossing a cloth at where he had just vanished from. "Shall we?" She glanced at me and straightened her clothes, fluffing her hair out as she removed her ponytail holder. She retrieved her compact to check her makeup. "All good." She nudged me.

"I'm going to clean up." I backed towards the stairs, pointing above to my room. "You're the manager. You can help if they need it."

"But they might need you and your cooking knowledge and expertise," she whined, before smiling.

I rolled my eyes. "Give me five minutes."

* * *

I emerged about ten minutes later- new clothes, washed face and blow dried hair. I'd soaked it under the faucet and did what I could with it, noticing seven minutes had passed. Customers could get angry, panicky, and damn impatient.

And this one sure as hell was as I walked downstairs, stopping at the landing before the first floor, familiar with the voice

"I'm fucking freaking out here! I'm getting married in, like, a month and I have no dress, no cake, nothing! My fucking bridesmaids don't even have a god damn dress! Eric's fucking losing his mind!"

"Whoa!" Kyle cut in. I could see him leaning over the counter. "You don't have that done? Shit."

The frantic woman, clothed in a hooded sweater and shorts with long, tan legs revealed, had her back to me. "I was engaged about a month ago," she cried, waving her arms wildly.

"Shotgun wedding?" Ashley said. She was to the girl's side resting against the counter directly across from Kyle who was now tapping his fingers against the glass panes on the opposite side.

"You fucking got a problem with that?" She snarled.

"Um no." Ashley backed away. The girl was tall. I slinked to the foot of the stairs to get a better view.

"Leah?" I cupped my mouth in shock as I realized I'd spoken aloud.

She stiffened and another figure, which Angela was next to, facing what I presumed to be Leah peered around.

Autumn_._ And she was still as glamorous as ever. "Holy shit. You're back."

Leah veered around, eyes wide. "Bella?" Her mouth dropped. "No fucking way."

I stepped forward, clearing my throat. "Is there a problem?" I kept it professional.

I was beside Leah now, who was still gaping at me. Autumn was too. I hadn't told her I had returned. Fuck. Her jaw twitched. She was mad.

Autumn was angry with…_me_.

Leah relaxed. "You're working for a catering company?" She looked me up and down. My co-workers stared at us with interest.

I laughed, hollowly. "You're getting married? _Leah Clearwater_ is about to walk down the aisle?" I almost growled.

"Yeah, his name's Eric. I met him a while ago back in college when I first started. The wedding is…soon." Damn, this was awkward.

Angela braced her body in between us, slightly in front of me and angled towards Leah. "We can help. Kyle has a set of wedding dresses and formal dresses upstairs, fully made; Bella can whip up a mean cake in a day; Ashley can help you set things up and make it look good. We all can."

Leah exhaled, relieved. "Fucking thank you." She stared appreciatively at Angela. "Within a month?" Angela nodded. Leah stalked forward, eyes narrowed at Angela, who stood her ground. "And exactly how Eric and I want it…the dress can be altered?" Angela nodded briskly. "Thank you," she sighed and hugged her. Angela awkwardly patted her back. "Yep, not an issue," she wheezed and Leah pulled away. Angela clutched her chest. "I'll come back tomorrow?" She glanced at Kyle and the others. She glared at me. "My head hurts." She grasped her forehead. "I need a drink." She walked away.

"We'll stop at a bar on the way home," Autumn said reassuringly, meeting Leah's eyes. Their eyes were level; Autumn was sporting her heels. "I'll catch up to you in a bit." Her eyes darted to mine briefly before looking at Leah again, who stared darkly at her. I took that as a cue to walk upstairs, positive Autumn wanted to talk to me alone. Leah left and I heard Autumn apologize for Leah's rudeness and last minute planning to the others as I ventured upstairs.

One minute later I was pacing around my bedroom furiously, chewing on my nails and trembling, nervous again. The door swung open. I turned around and faced Autumn. I didn't hesitate; I ran towards her and flung myself into her embrace, wrapping my arms tightly around her. She returned it instantly. I pulled away, tugging at the roots of my hair with my hands. Autumn gawked at me. "Bella, you came back."

"To start this business!" I snapped. "So stupid! Stupid, stupid…" I muttered repeatedly to myself. "I just agreed to cater her wedding, which I'm assuming will be on the Reservation."

"Yeah." Autumn crossed her arms and glared at me. "Why didn't you tell me you were back?" She clenched her teeth.

"It was so…so…random! I wanted to! Believe me!" I said, exasperated, throwing my hands up in the air. "And we were busy unpacking and setting up the store the past couple of months…"

"Wait," she interrupted, palm up to silence me. I clamped my mouth shut. "How long have you been here, again?"

I swallowed and sweat pooled on my brow, ears ringing. "Almost two months."

"Shit. And we didn't know?" She scratched her head. "What the hell?"

"Autumn." I approached her. "You know I would have called you. I've been so fucking busy lately, I haven't even really thought about it."

Her eyes bore into mine. "Bella, you shouldn't have come back." Her words sent an unwelcome, unusual chill down my spine. A horn honked and we both jumped. I opened my mouth to speak but chose not to. "That's Leah, in my car." She rolled her eyes. "That bitch better not take a joy ride," she huffed, irritated. She shook her head and her voice was normal again. "I'll come by and see you another day, okay? I've been helping out with her wedding, so yeah…" She chewed on her lower lip. "I love you, okay? I'll come back soon, I promise." She turned around.

"Autumn," I pleaded. She faced me again. "Don't tell anyone."

She lowered her voice to an almost inaudible whisper. "Bella it's going to be hard not to and you know why." She fidgeted with the strap of her purse, like a debate was going on in her head, before tossing the bag on my dresser. I watched as she pulled out a pad of paper and jotted something down. "It's not my business to tell anyone, it's yours." I nodded, even though I knew she couldn't see me because her head was down as she wrote. She ripped the paper out, folded it, and set it on my bedside table. "Call me." She smiled sadly before leaving.

I stood still, staring after her, wondering what the hell had just happened, eying the paper, suspiciously. "Bella, we need you!" Ashley shouted from downstairs, jarring me from my thoughts.

I crashed later that night. We'd stocked the kitchen with fresh supplies from the delivery truck, almost all night. I'd forgotten about the slip of paper lying on my nightstand.

* * *

_The next day_

I woke to the blindingly bright sun streaming through the windows. Before I could even stretch, Angela barreled into my room in her bathing suit. "Bella, are you coming with us? I made an executive decision to close the store today because the sun is out for the first time since we got here. We're all going to the beach."

I groggily sat up, stretched my limbs, and cracked my back before scooting to the edge of the bed. "Let me wake up…maybe thirty minutes? Then I'll be up for it." I yawned.

"Not a big deal." Angela grinned, hands clinging to the doorway as she balanced herself. "Ashley and Kyle are doing all of their special grooming and skin care, so it'd be about that much time, or longer, before they're ready."

I rubbed a hand over my face sleepily. "They're totally doing it to impress the hot guys," I snorted.

"I have no doubt that's why they're 'beautifying' there selves," she laughed before walking away. "Hurry!" She sang. I stood to my feet and shuffled to my bedroom door. "You got it," I yawned again and sat back down on my bed, noticing the note Autumn had left.

I reached for it and read what she'd scribbled inside. It was an address to a house in La Push on the Reservation and a tiny note that read, simply, _'_This is his new place. Just…don't get your hopes up_.'_ I gasped and stood to my feet, re reading the letters and numbers as they registered in my brain, memorizing them. Jacob's new home. She wanted me to see him.

_I _wanted to see him. Four years had been way too fucking long. I ignored my insecurities and my concerns over the latter part of the letter about 'hope', and my nerves. My chest swelled with warmth and I went to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

It was over an hour later when an impatient Angela barged into my bathroom. I'd forgotten to lock or close my bedroom and bathroom door, which as the rules in our building proclaimed, locked doors meant no entry, unlocked or open doors meant do whatever the fuck you want. "Bella, are you coming or not? Kyle and Ashley were done 15 minutes ago!" I turned around and faced her after pulling on my purple cropped pea coat over my shoulders. My walk in closet was connected to the bathroom.

Her mouth dropped. "Uh, whoa, do you have date you're not telling me about? You haven't even left our property…"

I was jumpy and jittery as fuck. "Do I look okay?" I checked myself in the mirror. "Is it too much?" Beneath my jacket was a white tank top, slightly low cut, gray skinny jeans and tennis shoes, a part of my new styles. The shoes made it less…date-like. I'd put on a small amount of makeup, dark shadow highlighting my eyes (one of Ashley's tricks I'd learned), and my hair was slightly wavy, darker because it was wet from the shower, falling just below my shoulders.

Angela moved my jacket flap to the side and studied my attire. "Quite a lot to be going to the beach, Bella?" A mischievous glint flickered in her eyes as she winked at me. "Or did you have another destination in mind?" She removed her hand and smirked.

I took a deep breath. "I'm going to see Jacob." My words came out in a rush, sounding like one syllable. I beamed and leaned against the counter with my arms to support myself and relax, my heart rapidly breathing. It felt too hot in here, just thinking of seeing him again, regardless of how he would react. I walked out and Angela followed me downstairs and outside. I was a girl on a mission. I couldn't stop moving or I wouldn't go through with it. Ashley and Kyle were piling bags in her Lexus. I unlocked the car and dropped down inside it. Kyle and Ashley appeared in the door immediately.

"Well, hello, gorgeous," Ashley cooed. "Someone looks nice…_nicer_ than usual." Good save, Ashley.

"What are you doing?" Kyle lowered himself on his knees, his head below mine as he looked up at me, smile reaching his eyes.

"I'll tell all of you later, okay?" I glanced between the two of them, grinning. "Now, go have fun and successfully not get burnt like I definitely would."

"Will do. I need a tan anyways," Ashley said and blew me a kiss as she skipped away. Kyle snickered and smacked my thigh before following Ashley.

"And to answer your question, Bella," Angela said, leaning over my open door "You always look pretty, but you look extra classy and different, if that makes any sense. The last time you dressed up like that was when you had the internship. I'm proud of you." Her lips curved into a tiny smile.

I laughed. "Because I actually paid attention to my appearance?"

"No. It's because you're going to visit him, and it's about _fucking_ time."

* * *

_La Push, Washington_

_Quileute Reservation_

Several small butterflies were fluttering around in my stomach and I felt sick, a nervous sick, as I passed the familiar settings- woods, tiny houses tucked away in rather vast strips of land, tribal creations, symbols…it was proof how much they treasured their fading culture.

There wasn't much sign of life in the houses. I figured with a day as gorgeous as this they were at the beach, or even work and school; it was a weekday after all.

The directions I'd printed off before I'd left led me further up the mountain and deeper into the reservation. I didn't pass the Black's house.

I slowed in front of a mailbox that had the numbers coordinating with the directions. I glanced up, drumming my fingers against the steering wheel as I pulled into the driveway. The house was rather small, nestled in the trees and two stories.

There was an unfamiliar candy apple red motorcycle parked beside the house's steps that led to a small, open aired porch. The porch's glassless windows had sheer curtains flapping around in the wind. The front of the house behind the porch projected out and at the back end was the two story section. The dark, stained wood of the house meshed beautifully with the browning winter trees behind it. A set of basket-textured chairs surrounded an elegant glass table on the porch. I parked a ways down from the house next to a bundle of trees.

I couldn't believe I was doing this. Was he even here? I hoped he was, because I didn't think I could wait through this suffocating anticipation again if he wasn't. I checked myself in the mirror for the millionth time, mentally slapping myself for being such a spastic freak about my appearance. I smoothed down my jeans beside my sturdy Acura and trudged up the driveway. No concrete, but all dirt and sand. I heard a splash from the pond I'd failed to pay any attention to when I came in.

The property was rather enormous and a network of water carved through the land and under the bridge I'd gone over to get here. A short distance past the side of the house, almost concealed by an interlaced group of trees was a puny garage with a beat up car. I ambled towards the pond which was enclosed by trees. It was almost completely hidden by them, offering a great deal of privacy.

Someone was swimming. A set of clothes were neatly piled beside the dock. A towel, sunscreen, sunglasses, a sunning chair and a bikini top. _What the fuck?_ I nervously thrust my hands into my pockets, debating on bolting or staying and feeling like a pervert or some sort of stalker. The girl swam to the dock and climbed out, dark hair slicked back, dripping with water and wearing nothing but a set of bikini bottoms. Her back was to me. Had she seen me? Was it too late to get the hell out of here before she called the cops on me for loitering on this property? What…what the fuck was she doing here, practically skinny dipping? Autumn wouldn't give me the wrong address…but the garage…I was so fucking confused!

I couldn't see her face, but I couldn't help but peek at her slim waist, curvy bottom, and the side of a full breast Had she no shame? I was uncomfortable and bounced on the balls of my feet, blushing, feeling that wave of self-consciousness again. And then she wrapped the towel around herself and faced me, tucking the towel beneath her armpits.

We spoke at the same time.

"Bella?" She said, shocked.

"Chimera?" I gasped.

She squealed and ran to hug me. I was absolutely terrified of the awkwardness that would commence if her towel fell. I pulled away, eyes wide. "Bella!" She rapidly gathered her belongings into one arm, while holding the towel up and stuffed them into the bag, gesturing wildly, embarrassed. "I'm so fucking sorry! I didn't expect anyone to be here! I don't normally do this…well I do…but usually when it's pitch black outside and everyone's at work or school and I'm not expecting anyone or…"

"Chimera," I chuckled. "It's okay." I shoved the awkwardness clouding my mind aside and hugged her again.

She sighed loudly, relieved. She looped an arm through mine, while draping her bag over her shoulder and clutching her towel. I couldn't help but notice the light shade of pink on her shoulders. Why couldn't I burn that lightly and be tan as she was? She laughed as we walked along. "I knew someone was there, so I had to act stealth and pretend I didn't know they were there and only then would I unleash my wrath and confront them. You were the person I least expected to see, obviously. I thought you were Quil or Paul, or any of them, really!"

I giggled. "Nope…Man, it's been so long." We headed to the front of the house.

"Oh, I know," she said grinning. "I was thinking about you the other day." I raised an eyebrow. "I'm not kidding," she said, seriously. "God…you're living here now?"

I shrugged and looked at the ground. "In Port Angeles, but yeah… I own a business with my friends."

"That's amazing. The same ones I met?" I nodded. "Come on in." She motioned with her hand to invite me inside.

What? She was inviting me into a house that wasn't hers…well the pack and girls slept everywhere, maybe she and her sinfully gorgeous half naked body were, uh, crashing for the night? _Don't think too much, Bella._ "Do you live here?" I hesitated as we walked to the top steps and she held the door open for me.

"Uh, yeah." She stared at me, lips pursed. "That's why you're here isn't it? To see me?"

I shook my head. "No."

"We'll talk, okay? Let me, uh, put on some clothes." She winked before disappearing upstairs. I crossed the threshold, leaving the door open. Why was she here? Could she not live anywhere else? Carmen and Julius had sex all the time, so she probably wouldn't enjoy living with them. Why not Brooke? Did she know everyone I had once been so close with?

The place was small inside. To my left was a leather couch littered with heaps of blankets and pillows and clothes, some assembled with care. There were tribal creations everywhere, looking like they'd been made by Jacob's hands. There were two picture frames with modeling shots of Chimera hanging above the couch on either side of a tribal patterned quilt that hung from it. I could make out the design of a wolf howling in the weaving. The walls were a very light gray. A flat screen TV was attached to the wall across from the couch with an insane DVD and music system, speakers beside it. A wooden, homemade coffee table perched in the middle of the living room, magazines fixed on top of it. InStyle, Glamour, car and fitness magazines, even a few home living magazines.

It was so domestic, like the people that had been living here were verycomfortable living together. How close was Chimera to Jacob? My heart caught in my throat and my lungs tightened as I sat on the corner of a two set recliner beside the door, a lamp beside it. I became fidgety and stood to my feet, scanning the pictures in frames on the tables on either side of the couch. I picked up one that caught my eye. It was Jacobs's mother with him and his sisters, posing outside. She was so beautiful. She was leaning down, head resting on a very young, almost unrecognizable Jacob's shoulder, both wearing matching smiles. _That_ was where he inherited his smile. Rachel and Rebecca were on either side of Sarah, looking more alike than they'd ever been.

"You're here to see Jacob aren't you?" I jumped, startled, and faced Chimera who was smirking from the foot of the stairs beside the kitchen. I couldn't say anything. I felt like I was a toddler that had just been caught with my hand in a cookie jar. She nodded to the picture as I promptly set it back down. "Same smile. It's one of a kind- the 'Jacob smile'…but his mother was the one that gave it to him," she explained, solemnly, tugging at her Victoria's Secret sweatpants and t-shirt. She lounged on the coffee table. I stood up straighter.

"I figured a model would live somewhere nicer," I said, almost spitefully.

"I lost my job because I was spending too much time over here. It's so scenic here, I don't want to leave."

"This is your house?" I said, in disbelief. "But Jacob…he lives with you?" She nodded. _Don't freak out Bella- guys and girls can live together and not be in a relationship, or having sex, it's possible. Rare, but possible._

I was only trying to think optimistically.

Something happened then. The atmosphere, that was normally so comfortable between us like it had been when we first met and how it had been earlier now that I'd seen her again, was thick, _too_ thick.

She felt it too. Her legs vibrated ever so slightly and she hopped to her feet as I settled on the couch. It was like tension of opposites- she'd been sitting and I had been standing; now it was vice versa. What was going on? "Do you want something to drink?" She walked to the kitchen and opened a fancy, tall, ebony fridge. A stove and sink were beside it and a counter surrounded the area. A mini-bar was right past the stairs, which were supported by thin metalwork, no wall beneath it like anyone would normally see. It just laid in empty space and led up to the next level which I prayed had two separate beds.

I had to get out of here.

"Uh, no thank you." I stood to my feet and laced my hands together, anxiously peering out the window. Chimera returned with a glass of water. I watched her, uncomfortable, glad I'd left the door open. I felt like I didn't belong here, like I was an unwelcome guest, a vivid contrast to how I'd felt when I'd arrived. "I need music first, but you can go on ahead, I'll join you in a minute." Music to lighten the atmosphere_._ She motioned to the porch and I sped out, welcoming the breeze. She clicked on the CD player and Kevin Rudolf's 'She Can Get It' played. "This is my song." She shook her hips and danced as she walked outside.

I sat in one of the chairs at the table. She'd pulled apart the curtains so the setting would feel less personal and we could watch the road. I relaxed instantly, closing my eyes at the feel of the wind against my cheeks.

Chimera tucked her knees beneath her. "Bella, how do you know Jacob?"

I met her ridiculously blue eyes. They weren't mean, they were quizzical, and eager for conversation that would get rid of the restraints I felt had suddenly been placed on us. I coughed, clearing my throat. "Um…" I tapped my fingers against the table. Should I tell her?

Before I could finish, Chimera's eyes brightened up and she looked out over the railing. "Do you hear that?"

I listened, perplexed, and heard the rumble of an engine that could've belonged to a race car, coming from down the road. It was rapidly getting closer.

"Fucking show off. He loves manual shifting," Chimera snickered. "He's going way to fast." I stared at her. _What the hell?_ Our eyes linked and she shrugged. "He's back."

I couldn't even speculate because my head whipped around at the sound of the loud car quieting as it slowed to turn into the bumpy driveway, cracking the terrain beneath it. My heart pounded in my chest and I inched to the edge of my chair, stomach flopping around. The nerves in my body coursed through me. I'd never been so nervous, happy, excited and fucking scared in my life. I wanted to fly out of my chair.

My eyes focused on the car, a brand new, black Mustang GT. My jaw dropped. I was literally about to fall out of my seat.

The car idled while passing mine, but then picked up speed and steered to the side. Of course he wouldn't recognize my car because he'd never seen it. It'd been a gift before…

The car turned off and I did fall out of my seat, flat on my butt. Chimera chuckled and helped me up. My legs were trembling and I was dizzy, eyes not moving from the car. I couldn't see through the windows because they were tinted and it was driving me crazy.

Hinder's 'Lips of an Angel' played through the speakers. Odd. A song about a guy, who wasn't over his past love and still wanted her, was cheating with her, although he was with someone else.

I was thinking way too much about this.

And then he got of the car_. _Jacob Black. _Jacob_, who I hadn't seen in years. **Jacob**, who I was still in love with. Seeing him again sparked that feeling and it was like we'd never split. Except it was stronger now, painfully stronger, and I couldn't understand why.

He was still the same, maybe buffer…or taller? Was that even possible? Oh yeah: Alpha. Of course it was. God, he had to be, like, 20 years old now…almost 21 years old. I couldn't even…so much time had passed. His russet skin glistened in the sunshine, muscles rippling beneath the black t-shirt and highlighting how hugehis arms were. I was itching to do something- to touch him, hug him, kiss him…But what would be right? Could I do any of that?

He was wearing jeans. Strange. He must've come from work, or school, and may have been possibly hired under a non-werewolf who would question why he wasn't wearing, like, anything. It _was_ chilly, despite the sun shining. But, maybe he just wanted to look semi-professional, and not all out casual? At least he was barefoot.

Christ, I was rambling in my _mind_…

Oh my God. The sun…Jacob. Now my heart _really_ wanted to burst from my chest. He took off his sunglasses and I was greeted with the sight of his face- strong jaw, full lips, and brown eyes. Why hadn't I been paying attention to them earlier? I was too far away. I needed to be closer. I needed to be in his arms. I fucking vaulted over the railing, accidently scraping my back as my shirt lifted up, and landed in a position that twisted my ankle. _Always acting before thinking, Bella. _I had to pause for half a second. I took off. "Jacob!" I beamed.

His head shot up and his eyes were wide. He was shocked. It was to be expected, but…he smiled- a huge grin, ear to ear, and ran towards me, sweeping me off my feet. I locked my hands around his neck as he spun me around. I did not predict a hug like that! I felt the heat, his skin, his face next to mine. I tightened my hold, reassuring him I wasn't leaving again. It was just a few seconds, one twirl, and I was back on the ground again, smiling up at him, searching his eyes, cheeks aching. He laughed. Then, he abruptly looked…conflicted. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm back!" I whispered, clutching his arms, just craving to feel him, to let myself know he was here, and I could touch him, although I was keeping myself at a distance- we were backed away from each other, a space between us. Why? "I'm back." He continued to gaze at me, a heartbreaking expression danced across his face. And his eyes- were they watering? I was soon aware of the feel of his hands on my waist and heat pooled to my center- a heat I hadn't experienced in almost four years. He looked down and his eyes widened before he released my waist, acknowledging that he was touching me. It hurt. He didn't want to touch me? My smile fell. "I'm back." His eyes finally met mine again. They'd been scanning over my form, like he was making sure I was real, not some image his brain had cooked up for him. "I'm here, I'm not leaving again." I stared into his eyes.

He didn't say anything. He just kept staring at me, mulling over things. I couldn't possibly figure out what he was thinking. "You cut your hair." He reached for a lock, before letting go instantly.

"Yeah." I was tense, quivering slightly. "And…you got buffer and…taller." I stared at him. Our eyes didn't leave each others.

He snorted. "Um, yeah…only by a few pounds."

I twiddled my thumbs. "Yeah."

I was startled as Chimera suddenly appeared by Jacob's side, deliberating as she glanced back and forth between us. "Well then," she smiled. I guess introductions aren't required."

Jake turned to her. I couldn't stop looking at his face, watching his expression. I frowned. I couldn't read him. He was disguising his emotions, like he was hiding something. He smiled at Chimera and placed a hand on her waist. "But we do. Bella," he glanced at me briefly. I was a ball of air, wanting to touch him…talk to him…alone. Catch up…anything! He knew I was back; couldn't Chimera…go inside, or something? "Bella." He laughed. I loved that sound. "This is Chimera."

She squeezed his arm. "Jake, we already met."

He looked between us, bemused. "Oh. I guess then that…Bella, you know, Chimera is…we've been together for about two years now, more?" He looked at her, briefly, and she nodded. I couldn't concentrate anymore…and his last words did it, _confirmed_ it. "She's my girlfriend."

My heart splintered, and the happy, inflated air balloon inside of me punctured. My breathing quickened and my stomach rumbled painfully. The blood surged to my brain and I felt lightheaded. I seized my head as my surroundings blackened in and out…_white, black, clear, and black_.

Autumn's plea_. Just…don't get your hopes up. Don't get your hopes up. Don't hope…_

How could I have not known this all along?

The fact was I think I had known all along, but I'd been living peacefully and ashamedly in a world called 'Denial.'

I managed to blurt out a single, strangled, "Oh."

_My best defense running to you_

_I can't resist, take all you want from me_

_**Breaking slowly**_

_Give it all to you_

_Reaching as I fall_

_It's already over now_

_Loving you again_

* * *

(A/N**: **Jake will be present in every chapter from here on, hope that makes you happy =)Links to tons of locations, cars, and outfits mentioned in this chapter are in my Jacob-Black-n-Pack group for this story/photo bucket account, linked in my profile. I imagine Megan Fox as Chimera, if you hadn't guessed. Her 'character graphic,' as well as the two modeling shots Bella saw, are up on my photo bucket account/Jacob Black-n-Pack group for this story)


	24. Empty

Disclaimer: It isn't mine if you recognize it. Stephenie Meyer just screwed up Jacob and Bella's happy ending, leaving me, and everyone else who can tell the difference between a healthy relationship and an abusive, controlling, completely superficial one, to have to write it for her. Lyrics: Breathe Into Me- Red (one of my favorite songs). The song mentioned in Jacob's POV is Lovegame- Lady Gaga

(A/N: **For those of you who skipped over the college chapters (Grrrrrrr…. =/)…I suggest you go read them- you should be aware of Bella's relationship with Kyle, Ashley, Angela, Jeremy (yes, **_**him**_**), and **_**especially **_**Chimera, as well as Autumn's **_**awesomeness.**_)

_**IMPORTANT**_**: Pay attention to the POVS and dates. They jump all over the place and all 3 POVs appear **_**twice.**_** Read this chapter slowly: there are a lot of tiny, yet important things that are said, so pay **_**even more**_** attention. **

* * *

**Chapter 22: Empty**

_And this is how it feels when I ignore the words you spoke to me_

_And this is where I lose myself when I keep running away from you_

_Immediately following when Bella and Jacob are 'reunited'_

_(Bella's POV)_

I stared at Jacob for approximately a minute and a half.

And then I couldn't stay there any longer. This _pain_ in my chest was intensifying. I'd be mortified if I broke down in front of them…in front of _her_.

How could she? How could _he_? Why wasn't I informed of this? I was kept in the dark, again.

"Um…" Chimera chewed on her lip. "This is_…_odd." She brightened and captured my gaze, curving into Jake's side. "Why don't you come inside? I'll make some hot tea." She nodded towards the house.

There was no way I was going back in there, at least, not now. I needed to be away from them. The tears threatened to crack through my perfectly placed facade. I stared at my feet and tucked my hands into my pockets, embarrassed. Jacob hadn't said anything. Out of the corner of my eye I caught Chimera elbowing him and looked up in time to see her give him a rather scary 'say something or do something, this is weird,' look. She was trying to make me feel better. Jake eventually turned to me. I looked away. "Um, you should, for a few minutes," he said with difficulty, and scratched the back of his head. This was too awkward. Did she know about me…him and me…us?

I shook my head. "No, uh…" I chose to set my eyes on…Chimera. I was supposed to hate her, as childish as that sounded, so why did I decide to look at her and not him? She was worried; her eyebrows furrowed with concern. "I've…I-I…" I caught my breath as another invisible needle punctured one of my lungs. That's what it felt like. "I have some things to do at the store so I should be going," I said, rocking back and forth, unsteady.

"Store?" Jake asked. Being directly acknowledged by him caused me to look at him and that stupid electric current shot through me. His eyes reflected his well concealed despair and he was visibly anxious. What was he concerned for? Was it me because I was about to fall apart? Or was he concerned for himself?

I crossed my arms. "Yeah," I said quietly. It was suddenly colder outside, _freezing_. "It's a catering company in Port Angeles. Leah stopped by and asked us to help her with her wedding."

Anger flashed through his eyes. "Leah saw you." Shit. Jacob was terrifying when he was pissed off, particularly when he was extraordinarily angry- then the fur would fly and the teeth would gnash, literally. But I also knew, no matter the circumstances, that Jacob would never physically harm me.

"Obviously," Chimera cut in, flashing me a non-threatening, friendly smile. Why was she so nice? She glanced at him. "I figured Leah told you…God," Chimera's eyes darted to me again. "No one knows you're here do they?"

"It's…" My eyes drifted to Jacob's. I hated that I was still in love with him. I hated that I had to see him with someone else. And I wanted to hate him for not telling me. But we had talked, once, and never again. And I could never hate Jacob Black. Ever. And I wanted to hate her for winning him over. But, I couldn't, because I loved her; she was a friend I would never dream of losing. One weekend together and she was instantly a best friend, a sister, one peg under Autumn on my 'people I care about' ladder. But, I had to think about this. I had to breakdown and let it all out first, and then I could fight.

Because, god damn it, I wanted Jacob back.

And, something, call it intuition if you'd like, told me he wasn't over me.

But another part of me, didn't want to see anyone hurt, even if that involved myself being the only one to get hurt. And I had no idea how this would end, if it already had. Was it worth fighting for?

Of course it was.

Jacob was worth fighting for.

I felt sick. Now was the time to leave. "I'm going to head out." I waved to them. I swallowed back a rush of tears as I sat in the car. They hadn't moved.

"Okay?" Chimera said. Her voice was an octave higher and her eyebrows arched.

"I'll see you later, both of you." I glanced at Jacob, promising him I would see him again. He looked sad. Why was this whole situation so fucked up? For a moment I wished I was Edward so I could get inside their heads and decipher what they were thinking. But then again, maybe that wasn't such a good idea. Maybe I didn't want to know.

I closed the door and swerved out, speeding down the road. The moment I stopped in front of my home, the pain hit me, all at once. I was crushed.

_And this is how it looks when I'm standing on the edge_

This pain…it was _excruciating_.

I jiggled the door handle. How could I have been so stupid? Why was I so naïve? Why would I even think he'd be waiting for me? So selfish…_so_ selfish. _Typical Bella_.

My eyes blurred and my breathing echoed in my ears. Like those horror movies where the person is panicking, alone, hurt, but I was doing so for something less…gory. I hadn't 'let it all out' in a year or so, maybe longer.

I stumbled out of my car, disoriented. Why was I shocked? I should have known. I _had_ known.

I had always been weak; it was my worst quality. But this…this was something else. Something I couldn't name, couldn't describe.

The anger, the hurt, the betrayal, that I hadn't been told, hadn't even heard a peep of this, was too much to bear. I had never felt like this

Even after breaking up with Jacob and finding out what I had to do, so many years ago…that didn't compare to this.

I've been numb before when Edward left, when I was told I had to leave because of the Volturi. But, to actually feel the sheer heartbreak, to practically hear my heart splitting in two, was something I had never experienced, at least not to this intensity.

I didn't think I could take this, or handle this.

I didn't even know how I had successfully made it upstairs, through the empty building, but I was there, on the third floor. Why was the sun shining? It did nothing to reflect how I was feeling and nothing to calm me, to let me forget.

I forced the door open to my apartment, grasping at my hair, attempting to feel some other a physical, outward source pain, while simultaneously trying not to stumble into my counters and furniture.

I was infuriated.

I threw my small, fragile, glass coffee table as far as my body would allow it to go. I wanted to take this out on something to diminish this feeling of belligerence. The glass shattered and the tiny pieces scattered across the floor. I shoved the cups, magazines, and books untidily deposited on the dining room table to the floor. Leaning against the wall for support, I couldn't cry. I wouldn't allow myself to. I was sick of crying; I was physically ill from it. I hated being a sensitive, breakable girl.

Allowing…_allowing_was out of the question…the emotions coursing through me were overwhelming. I felt like I was suffocating from them.

I couldn't breathe. I wrapped my arms around my upper body in hopes to somehow relieve the tension that had been building up in my chest since I'd made the decision to go see him. I'd reached my breaking point.

I tried to release a relaxing breath to calm myself down. I was hyperventilating.

_So stupid._

I walked into the bedroom, my legs hitting the edge of my bed. I grappled with the knob on my bathroom door, pulling it open as I fell forward and supported myself on the sink, gripping the edges with my hands.

I felt a stirring in my insides and hardly made it to the toilet before I heaved the non-existent contents of my stomach out. I hadn't eaten and my stomach rumbled painfully. I crawled back to the sink, my head spinning and my legs trembling. My eyes met my reflection as the tears streamed down my face, staining my red flushed cheeks. I refused to let anymore fall as my bloodshot eyes stared back at me.

My attempts failed.

_And this is how I break apart when I finally hit the ground_

I'd been through a multitude of emotions today. I didn't want to show anyone how weak and vulnerable I was feeling.

But there was no one here to see me. And I couldn't hold those tears back any longer. I collapsed against the wall, bringing my knees to my chest. I rocked myself back and forth as uncontrolled sobs swept through my body as one final thought crossed my mind; the one thing that had caused this reaction that I'd never had in my 23 years of existence.

Jacob wasn't mineanymore.

He hadn't been…for years. Who was I to say he couldn't date someone else?

This was it- the last time I'd let these emotions, this _pain_, get to me. I was going to make amends and strive to wedge myself back into his life and my friends' lives. I wanted to belong here again.

And I wanted Jacob.

But if I couldn't have him as a lover, I'd take him as a friend, even if the love I had for him hadn't changed…hadn't lessened over time. I yearned to talk to him and I needed to make up for it all. I knew it wouldn't be as easy, but I craved his existence in my life again.

I'd take him any way I could get him.

_And this is how it hurts when I pretend I don't feel any pain_

* * *

_The previous day- after Leah and Autumn find out Bella's back_

_La Push, Washington- Autumn and Embry's apartment_

_(Autumn's POV)_

"Fuck!" I screamed, slamming the door to my apartment shut behind me, tugging at my hair (I'd rip it off if I wasn't so fond of it), and throwing my heavy, oversized purse against the wall. I stomped inside- another result of one of my occasional childish temper tantrums, muttering angrily to myself. "Embry!" I shouted, staring at the ceiling; our bedroom was on the second floor of our suite.

He bounded down the steps, theatrically leapt over the rail and was in front of me within a second. Shirtless and sweating. He'd been working out. "What the hell is going on?" He yelled, waving his arms like a mad man.

I huffed. My arms were crossed and my body was almost roasting from fury. "Shit!" I strode into the living room. Embry gripped my arm and whirled me around.

He ducked his head to gaze into my eyes. "What the fuck happened, baby?" He lowered his voice to that tender, loving tone he reserved for romantic, precious moments between us. Yes, Embry Call was a sap.

I let out a frustrated cry and unleashed my broad range of emotions swirling around inside me. "This complicates things, you know that?" I stared into his eyes, upset. "And I should have been nicer to her! But she came back at the worst possible time." I was frantic, losing my cool. I never reacted to anything like this; I was always in control of my emotions. Not this time. "If she would've come back…two years earlier, or had never left, shit would be perfect! Fuck the Volturi!" I'd lost it. I kicked a chair and it flew into the wall. Both of us cringed as a picture frame smashed into the floor. I gave Embry an apologetic look.

He shrugged, smile present. "I hated that painting anyways," he joked. Serious Embry returned. "Now…who did you say came back?" He narrowed his eyes. I released another enraged cry. Embry burst out laughing, hand covering his mouth. "You're so hilarious when you're angry…hot too." He winked and dramatically ogled my cleavage.

I hit his ankle with my foot. "Embry! We are not having sex until I finish venting," I said, trying to stay firm on my decision, faltering considerably, hysterically as he would say. He was still laughing. "Embry!" I shut my eyes, trying to recapture my authoritative tone. "This is serious! And I don't keep things from you, so I have to tell you,"

"Baby, you don't have to," he chuckled. "But if you feel it's important…"

"Fuck yes its important!" I thrust my hands up.

He stood up straighter. "Okay, spill." He crossed his arms. _Stop gawking at your boyfriend's flexed chest._

See…this was what I hated about sex: temptation was everywhere. This was a highly pivotal situation that could alter…everything! I had more control than this. I cleared my throat, and raised my chin. "Bella's back."

That got him. He dropped his arms and gaped at me, stunned. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm dead serious! I saw her!" I clutched my forehead and paced back and forth, thoughts running around in my head like an escaped convict. I firmly snagged his ears with my fingers and brought his face to mine, eyes boring into his. "Would I lie to you?"

"Fuck no, sweetie." I released him. He raised an eyebrow. "Why is she back?"

"She has a business with her friends, the ones we met- Angela, Kyle, and Ashley, remember?" He nodded. "Apparently, the first place up for grabs had to be in Washington. She's right down the fucking road, Embry!" I cried out, exasperated.

"Damn. This is the most I've heard you cuss in a while, since Jake and you got into that fight back when you scared the shit out of the Volturi," he sniggered.

"Jacob!" I laced my fingers through my hair. "He's going to be fucking pissed, and confused, and…" I rambled on, spitting out various emotions I'm sure Jake would be feeling. "And she's catering Leah's wedding!" I seized his shoulders and shook his form, softly. I did have…strength.

He watched me for a moment. "She's going to be here…" He pointed to the floor. "…in La Push?"

"I know!" I crumpled to the floor, lying on my back, trying to relax. Embry leisurely sat beside me, legs splayed in front of him. "God, Embry, do you see my point?" Tears clouded my eyes. "I was so mean. I told her she shouldn't have come back. And I gave her Chimera's address."

He twisted his head and met my eyes. "Why the hell would you say that, and dothat?"

I sighed. "I don't want to see her hurt again. Jake's moved on," I whispered.

"Bullshit," he spat. "He still loves her."

I rolled my eyes. "I know but…"

He finished for me. "It depends on how he reacts to this."

"It's not my business to tell him she's back- it's hers. Once he knows…everyone else will. He deserves an explanation for her absence and a reason for her return from _her_ lips- _her_ words. Not mine. It's not my problem."

Embry reclined and lay beside me, both of us staring at the ceiling. "She doesn't know about Chimera," he said nervously.

"Nope, but she will and it's going to stir things up," I laughed without humor.

"You know how fucked up this will be?" He angled his head towards mine. I peered at him out of the corner of my eyes, listening. "Jake's…Jake's going to have two girls fighting for him, both significant to him for different reasons. He's going to have to choose." He casted his head back and his head banged into the floor. He rubbed his hands over his face. "This sounds way too familiar," his voice was muffled by his palms.

"And we're going to get dragged into this. I'm her best friend, always. I promised that to her."

"And I'm his best friend," he said, sadly. "Tug-o-war."

"I don't even know what to do," I moaned, frustrated, mind overflowing with different variations of what could happen, how things would turn out. "We need to stay out of this as much as we can." It was going to be a test- a test for all of us. I loved Bella, like a sister. I risked my life to free her from her chains and the threat of an eternity she no longer wanted, and saved everyone else while doing so. I would do anything for her. It was in my nature to be a fighter, a giver, and selfless.

Despite Jacob and me butting heads frequently since I went against the Volturi alone without telling him and the others, I knew that guy more than himself. My eyes trailed back to Embry, reading him. He felt the same way; this was going to hurt once Bella found out, once Jacob saw her again. The asshole could deny it all he wants, or not say a word, but we knew he still loved Bella, like that.

Chimera…I loved her too. She was something else, a surprise personality, intriguing, funny, _not_ Bella. But, she reminded me of her. I couldn't even begin to explain it. They'd been friends, or so I heard. This would undoubtedly make this worse.

Embry voiced my, _our_, biggest concern. "Bella can never know the whole truth."

"She couldn't handle it."

There was silence. "He's still in love with her. Jake's still in love with Bella."

"I know. But it means absolute shit until he admits to it and says it out loud. He's stubborn as fuck, I know he won't." I sneered. Then, the horribly depressing atmosphere reestablished itself. "I want Bella to be happy. Embry, she looked better, nothing like when we last saw her. She's changed and I can't wait to see that. She deserves another chance in this extended family."

"Will they give it to her though?" He studied me. "Will we allow her too?"

"It's the Alpha's decision." I glared playfully at him. "This could get brutal, you know that. But…I'm on Team Bella."

He shot up and poked my side with his finger. "You traitor."

I sat up beside him. "She belongs with him. _He _belongs with _her_."

"Look," he sighed, drawing his knees to his chest, gazing shyly at me. For a second the Old Embry- the shy, quiet one I first met, before I pulled him into my life and brought him out of his shell, was here. "All I want is for Jacob to be happy. Who he chooses, once this madness unfolds, I support him the whole way. Chimera's hot as hell, and everything about her matches Jacob's personality. She's perfect for him." I glared at him. He raised his hands in defense. "But she's not Bella. So…" HHHe stood up, brushing his shorts off- a nervous habit. "I pledge a neutral country. I am Switzerland."

I laughed, relieved at the sudden weight being removed from me, even if for only one night. "How about…" I held out my hands and he hauled me to my feet. I grazed a hand along the hem of his shorts. I used my best seductive voice and pressed my body against his. I knew all about seduction, and sex, I had years of experience…decades. I had no insecurities and I wasn't the least bit shy when it came to my sexuality. "We worry about this in the morning, when I'm sure all hell will break lose." I glided my fingers up to his chest, smiling, tongue sneaking out between my lips. "And whatever happens…happens." He didn't say a word and pulled my into a kiss, leading me to the bedroom.

Once Bella and Jacob saw each other again denial wasn't a possibility for either of them.

Jacob was keeping a big secret, one that could ultimately tear him and Bella apart…cut this thin thread that held them together through her absence.

But, she needed to know. It would hurt, it always did, but something about her when I saw her again, I knew she'd be strong. At least, for once, I believed Bella Swan would actually put up a fight.

Because Chimera wasn't going to back down. If I recall, she never had. She was like her brother, Julius. Jacob was…I'd been told by both Chimera and Bella that when you fall for Jacob Black, you fall hard, flat on your ass, head over heels, 'I love you completely,' in love. And surrendering on either side wouldn't come easily.

One thing's for sure, it would ultimately be Jacob's decision in the end. And fuck is I didn't want Bella to be happy and healthy with him again. After all this shit, she deserved it. But, I couldn't influence Jacob and Embry couldn't either.

The only influence would be Chimera and she was tied to him in ways Bella could, and couldn't, understand.

Fuck.

* * *

_After Bella and Jacob see each other again- back to the present_

_The Reservation- Chimera's house_

_(Jacob's POV)_

I couldn't describe what I was feeling, after seeing her again.

Bella.

I was confused (why was she back?), thrilled (fuck- she's back!), overwhelmed with past emotions (she actually came to see me…), upset (fuck! Chimera!)…and livid.

A 'business' meant she'd been here for a while and forgot to tell us…to tell _me_.

And she looked so beautiful- matured, an adult. It was refreshing to see her _alive_. And she looked well, like life had been phenomenal since she left.

And shit…Chimera. My girlfriend. My amazing, funny, badass, sexy girlfriend who I loved…I really did! I dolove her. But god damn it! I loved Bella too! Seeing her again…

I remember pulling into the driveway, my heart thumping erratically for some unknown reason (Bella), spying the Acura with a New York tag. Getting out of the car, exhausted, and puzzled that Chimera hadn't greeted me with a kiss, cracked a joke or two, and then immediately began to tell me about her day or the night's plans.

Dad had been ticked off when I kept going over to her house. He told me, and in his words exactly, "Get your ass out of this house if you're going to spend every night over there." The only time I was at home was a few hours a day before turning in for the night. I'd spend that time with my father, who'd been doing well, aging, obviously, but…strong. Like me. We had a conversation after he had a close call (he said his chest hurt- he'd had a mini-heart attack, if that was possible).

It's not like I was the only one that saw him. I was Alpha (I was finally to the point where I didn't detest the title), so I'd asked my pack ('My pack'…weird) to make impromptu visits each day, as a group or separately. The girls loved him, so they had no problem with my suggestion.

Chimera did too. He adored her from the second I introduced her. She got along well with him. But, it was expected.

Back to the conversation because I'm getting sidetracked again. Dad had mentioned his strength came from my mother. He said that was where _my_ emotional strength came from. He even joked I'd strengthened physically from her as well. While my mother had been kind, generous, she'd been outspoken too, and fought only if the situation was something, or if it was someone, she was passionate about. She'd never kept how she was feeling to herself. Dad fell for her at first sight; he'd met her through Renee, back in college. She didn't give in easily; she'd made him work for her attention, and affection. She was a smartass, joked all the time unless uncalled for, fun, always smiling. But once he'd roped her in she'd been devoted to him. He'd uncovered her many layers that made her who she was. He'd thought she was perfect, but every human being, every creature, has its flaws.

Why the fuck am I going on about this?

My point is- most of what makes me who I am is my mom. Dad, Rachel, Rebecca, Charlie, and Renee said I was just like her. And Bella too, though she saw her only a few times.

Bella…shit.

At that moment, I wished my mother was still alive (not that I didn't always hope for that) so she could have the chance to see how Bella grew into this woman she was now, and meet Chimera. Maybe then I'd have someone tell me up front what the fuck I should do with this whole situation.

I buried my head in my hands, perched on the edge of the couch. Chimera was upstairs. I'd asked to be alone. I didn't even look at her, but there was no way I could avoid Chimera's gaze; she read right through me.

Dad had said mom was always happy, at least on the outside, and prone to a few violent outbursts (he had labeled them 'entertaining') and she had a radiance about her that drew others to her- that warmth I'd always been complimented about. She was also impulsive, faithful, and honest. Strong.

Her and I…we'd been exactly alike. I even looked like her.

Thank goodness I'd inherited my 'masculine' traits. I quite liked being a man, minus the 'fucking shit, my ex-girlfriend, once love of my life is back.'

Having Bella in my arms again, hearing those words 'I'm back'- my heart responded like it always had for her- full of love and beating rapidly. But it'd also been weighed down with regret, shock, heartbreak. Why was she doing this to me?

I was with Chimera, but did I ultimately want that? I knew I would never be able to not have her in my life. We'd been through countless events together. Stuff I'd failed to tell Bella about. Things I couldn't bear to tell her, because I didn't want to hurt her. But, my motto involved always telling the truth, so I couldn't see where I'd have a choice.

She'd been so crestfallen, broken almost, when I'd told her Chimera was my girl. Did she still harbor feelings for me, even after all these years?

She'd been sexually excited by me, my touch, my body, that was for sure. "Fuck," I grumbled, balling my fists against my head. I had to reel her back in; she meant too much for me to lose again.

This was so fucked up.

Because, I, Jacob Black, for the first time in my life, wasn't sure what I wanted.

"Jake?" Chimera's quiet voice startled me from my thoughts. I angled my head towards her, my hands still clasped beneath my chin, elbows resting on my lap. She really was a masterpiece. Fierce, sexy, delicious with the sun shining on her tan skin, curves highlighted to perfection with her skinny jeans, blouse, and favorite boots- boots she'd worn numerous times so now they were tattered on the bottom and frayed on the sides. She was leaning against the stairwell.

I gave her a solemn smile. "You look good, you always look good."

She snickered and sat beside me, and draped her arm over the back of the sofa, resting her head on her palm. She had a lovely smile, a _different_ smile. I was comfortable around her, usually. Yet, the unmistakable tension was there, although it'd lessened since Bella's visit. Chimera had an inherited ability to soothe you with her presence. People were generally intimidated by her because of her sexuality and in-your-face beauty, since her confidence was visible everywhere she went through the way she walked and talked, yet she was completely down to earth. She didn't have an inflated ego, like Julius.

I remember when she was first introduced to the Pack through her estranged brother (I'm kidding…not really). It'd been the first time I'd seen her in years.

We'd been at one of the lakes on the Res when Julius pulled up in her truck. The truck which was now sitting in my garage due to a back road drive we'd taken together as a 'day of fun' with the Pack and girls. It had been a hysterical sight to see pampered, preppy Brooke layered in mud.

Anyways, all of us had been there that day- my Pack, Sam and his family, Leah and her future husband (unknown at the time- they were just friends then), the girls. Julius had stepped out, embracing Carmen enthusiastically. It never ceased to baffle me how he was such an asshole, but Carmen brought out the friendly side anyone else, excluding his sister, rarely saw. Chimera jumped out elegantly afterwards.

She'd been wearing a pair of ripped jeans and a simple tight t-shirt ('if you got it, flaunt it' had been Leah's comment that day). Her pants were tucked into her riding boots, her favorite pair. Her hair cascaded down her back and her sunglasses on her head. It's been so sunny that day and she practically glistened, her skin was that clear. What I recall most was a motorcycle strapped in the bed of her truck, a gift from her boss at the time.

The first time we'd met, she'd been scantily clad, not the girl I recognized here. She'd also been flanked by Lana as well. _Still can't believe I slept with that blonde airhead…Christ._

I'd been moping that day, those months, over Bella.

God…Bella.

It'd been over a year by then since Bella had left- that day Chimera came to the Reservation. I was still longing for Bella's presence, the only girl I'd ever openly admitted I loved. The only girl I ever had loved. Of course, I'd sucked it up because I had a _rabid _Pack to lead and a people to protect from bloodsuckers.

I remembered Quil's comical expression. His jaw was dropped and he said, boldly, 'Ow-Ow! Baby!" He'd received a slap from Leah. Paul was drooling, and the guys practically panted.

Chimera was like the Megan Fox of the reservation.

I'd hated that I'd instantly recognized her. She addressed them, kindly. Not even a shadow of the bitchy, shallow, overly sexual girl I'd encountered before.

She walked over to me, smiling and something happened then…it was like my world, the world I thought I'd lost, fell into place again.

This was _her_, this was Chimera through and through, the real person beneath the 'bitchface,' makeup, trashy appearance, and horrendous past we'd discussed that day. In fact, we'd spent that day and night conversing, nothing else- no hugs, no physical contact except hand pats and what not. We just talked.

I told her about Bella, about how much she meant to me. I felt connected to her, open. I didn't mention what Bella and I had shared after she ran off from her wedding…that was something I wanted for Bella and I, no one else. And besides, talking about that time was painful.

That night, seeing Chimera, I concluded that yes, I was capable of falling in love again, or at least giving a girl another chance to fill the gap Bella had left in my heart.

That meant nothing though. I still loved Bella, all these years later. I was completely in love with her, but being Alpha…her departure had strengthened me and gave me that opportunity to move on.

There were no rules against falling in love with two people. Bella had done it. Autumn. Sam. Leah. More than enough people.

So could I.

Of course, I didn't fall for Chimera swiftly, and definitely not that first day when Julius brought her to live with us. Oh no, it'd taken time. She'd been the one to ask me out. And I couldn't bring myself to say 'I love you' aloud to Chimera, even after all we'd been through, or how much she would always be a part of me.

I was getting there. I had been close, actually. But Bella…Bella came back and changed that. I couldn't get my mind off of her, spending more time with her, our childhood friendship. Her giving 'us' a chance, the three most blissful, perfect months of my life- those days at Autumn's old lake house and those two final weeks back in Forks, kissing her (and all that followed), making love to her- sealing that bond…only to have part of my world crumble when she broke up with me after I'd given her the most personal, close to my heart_,_ sentiment my family owned, which was my mother's ring.

I hadn't touched that family heirloom since I'd 'promised' Bella I was going to marry her, since she sent it back to me begging me to give it to a girl who deserved it. It sat packaged in a drawer in my room at my dad's.

It seems easy right? Bella's back, go to her, dump Chimera. It's not.

No one can understand the full extent to how much both Bella and Chimera mean to me. I don't think even I've realized it. And was I really willing to suffer heartbreak from Bella if she decided to leave again? Honestly, no.

Chimera's fingers stroked the hair around my ear. "You're deep in thought tonight, again." She smiled earnestly. "You brooder, you," she chuckled.

I grinned at her- lips tight. "It's sexy- the dark haired guy brooding is how it goes," I couldn't help but tease.

She giggled. A brief silence passed and she moved her hand to my face, gripping my chin. "Look at me," she demanded. I turned to her, eyes murky. Shit. "I know that I don't know things about you and Bella." I reflexively flinched. "What I do know, as a girl, is that you still care for her and she cares for you. No matter what happened between the two of you, or to her, to _you_, she's still present in your mind as a best friend. You need her." She averted her gorgeous, dark blue orbs, but I didn't miss the hurt that flickered through them.

"Hey," my voice was husky from my multitude of emotions. I cupped her hand on my cheek as she moved closer to my side. "I'm with you."

She rolled her eyes. "Jake it doesn't matter. You need to get on good terms with her, again." She looked down at her lap shyly (Chimera, shy?) before meeting my eyes again. "You want an answer about her disappearance."

I had to keep reminding myself that Chimera didn't know everything. I'd skipped over the September to December sequence, only to explain that she'd left to protect us (I hadn't know at the time…I'd only recently found out). I hadn't lied. I don't lie. She never asked and I didn't tell. That was how it went.

Bella hadn't pressed for information either. It was wrong of me to keep things from both of them, but my biggest fear was the two of them being hurt. Something I knew I couldn't avoid now.

"Jake." Chimera caught my wandering eyes again. "If you have feelings for her, it's fine. I don't care. It doesn't bother me."

"That's bullshit."

She shook her head vigorously, defeated. "Okay, I do, but…I saw you two. I watched you two interact earlier today with the hug? That's the 'Jacob hug' if I recall, the one you reserve for those you care the most about. You love her, even if it's not like that, if it's not as strong as it was before. And…that's not something I can stop- you two becoming friends again." She laughed, nervously. "In fact, it's what I want."

I held her hands between mine. "You and Bella, you knew each other?"

"Yeah," she shrugged. "She…I like her Jacob. She's a great girl."

I felt my temperature rising. "That's all you're giving me?"

She stood up. "You're getting angry. I don't blame you. Leah and Autumn, yesterday…I can't believe…"

I stood to my feet, shivering with anger, fighting the waves crashing through me- the one thing I still couldn't control. "Yeah…Autumn...they knew." Rule: you don't keep a secret as big as this from your Alpha. I couldn't believe I'd almost forgotten that. I punched a wall, furious. Chimera shrunk back and stared at me, rubbing her arms, shaken. "Jacob, relax."

I eased my breathing enough to yank her into a hug "I'm not mad at you," I whispered into her hair, inhaling her 'sensual amber' body wash. That Bath and Body Works shit smelled good, okay? I pulled away, ducking my head to kiss her soft, plump red lips. "I'm angry with them. If that's the case, they kept this to themselves during the pack meeting last night. Leah and Embry were blocking their minds. I should have known. They did it well too."

"Don't you dare pick a fight," she snarled. The worst thing about Chimera was she was fucking terrifying when she was angry.

I couldn't deny her. "I won't fight," I snapped, instantly regretting the tone of my voice. She didn't seem affected. She stood her ground, glaring a 'shit your pants' frown. "You're staying here. The last thing I need is for you to get injured."

"Fuck you," she growled. "Like hell I wouldn't go with you!" I recoiled. "But I'm already late for work."

I grinned. "Exactly. It's Pack business."

She grabbed her coat and ambled to the door. "Jacob, I swear, you're fucking telling me every detail that went down when you get back. I better not hear shit from my brother that you opened a can of 'whoop ass' again because you're upset that you didn't know something about Bella- in this case, that she's back in town. But fine," she crossed her arms, huffing. "Vent- run or something, but don't throw punches. Keep your emotions in check. I know you can. And fuck Pack business, Jake! Your anger is going to be directed towards Autumn and you know it!"

Damn.

A tiny smile fell across her lips. "You're groveling when I get home." She winked. And with that she marched down her porch, revved her bike and sped off

That's when I allowed my emotions to take me over- the ache I'd tried to smother after Bella left, the shock over her abrupt return, and the outrage that I hadn't known about it, when she'd been here for months, likely.

My temper masked any other emotions. It was the worst side effect of being a werewolf, surpassing the best parts- the power, strength, and speed. I ran out the door, feeling the familiar tremors rocket through my body. My first uncontrolled phase since Autumn spilled the beans that the Volturi were defeated, and that they were the reason Bella left. I exploded, paws thudding into the earth, echoing through the woods as I headed towards my destination.

* * *

_Sam and Emily's house_

_La Push reservation_

_(Autumn's POV)_

Leah had planned an impromptu 'let's work on my wedding' day with Emily, now that she'd snagged a caterer. She'd invited me and Embry along (My boyfriend had nothing better to do…insert a 'laugh out loud' acronym here). This 'preparing even more for her already set wedding' turned into a gathering that included Sam, Leah, Seth, me, Embry, Julius, Carmen, Brooke, and Quil. Thankfully the others were elsewhere. Emily was picking up the kids from day care, noting that this was not going anywhere. Sam grudgingly stayed behind, rolling his eyes at Leah's out of character gushing over her wedding. Leah, Brooke and I were sitting around the Uley's dinner table. Quil, Embry, Julius, Seth, and Carmen were goofing around outside. The boys tussled, became bored, and wrestled as wolves. This pissed Sam off because Quil collided into the side of the house, leaving an indent, and he couldn't do shit about it. Sam couldn't say a thing though because he lacked the authority.

Of course, Sam would snicker and shake his head at the very Leah-like attitude of bitching over the tiniest things. She'd thrown a 'bitch fit,' as Julius labeled it, when Embry broke Seth's wrist during the 'battle,' which of course had Brooke break into her rare affectionate performances over Seth's injured arm.

It was wonderful having Leah and Sam getting along; it eased the atmosphere considerably.

Eric, Leah's 'groom to be' was off with Paul, Jared, and the younger pack members. I prayed they didn't take him cliff diving.

All hell broke loose moments later when we were all just hanging around.

I'd heard the animalistic snaps of Seth, who'd lost a bet to Embry over something, and had been forced to play fetch for a log. They were so immature sometimes! Men…gross.

Seth had scampered off for half a second, when we all jolted at the sudden sound of Seth whimpering. We joined the others, Brooke panicking, to see Seth running back, fast, ears flat on his head, and his tail between his legs, phasing behind the house and emerging with shorts on. His face was ashen.

Sam hesitated. "Vampire?"

"Like I would run away from that," Seth rebuffed. His face morphed to the distressed, frightened expression it was before. "You guys," he blanched, approaching us. "Jake's on his way…and he's mad as hell."

Sam stiffened.

"Fuck," Leah gasped. I looked at her- this was on us. Jake would confront me again. Disorder within the pack was never a good thing.

Embry and Quil exchanged horrified looks and moved in instinctively closer to the girls.

Julius stood with his arms crossed.

I hoped Chimera had said something. I heard the unmistakable pounding of paws in the earth from the direction Seth had come.

Sam reached for Brooke and Carmen as I said, "Seth, Sam…take the girls inside…now." Sam proceeded to obey. It's not like he could defy anybody any longer.

Embry grimaced. "He's not going to hurt anyone."

"I know …"I resigned. Embry was imploring me. "Sam." He paused. "Just get them on the porch, please." The girls, knowing what was coming stood beside the door, Sam below them on the wooden steps.

The first moment Jake had attacked me had been a complete surprise. It was after my return from Volterra and it was the only time he actually, physically attempted to harm me, to rip me to pieces. We'd been in Jared and Kim's back yard, inducting the new pack members, giving them a chance to feel welcome. Naturally, the festivities would have occurred at the Black's, but for some reason they didn't. Seth, Colin, and Brady had been pleased they were no longer the underdogs.

I'd never seen someone so infuriated like Jacob was with me. I'd told him- told him I fought the Volturi- let him know Bella was safe. He hadn't only been annoyed, he'd been emotionally volatile, mainly annoyed with himself for not knowing I was the solution, and angrier at me for not telling him I had that strength, even if I hadn't known it until I had Demetri and Felix's blood on my skin and Aro's neck in my hands.

He fought me in front of the entire pack and those who knew the tribe's secret. I understood what was going through his head- every moment, every emotion he had and felt with Bella- her, all her. It was the first and only time I saw Jacob Black truly out of control- the side of him, the monster he'd been cursed with.

I didn't want a repeat ever again.

My mind came back to the present and I saw him from a mile away, russet fur darting down and over the steep slope. The speed usually reserved for vampires. He slowed down and kept his eyes on mine. What's more horrifying than a raging werewolf? The scarily humanistic eyes shining with anger on the face of a werewolf that you see before you engage in combat.

He vanished for a second and reemerged, clothed in cutoffs, the intimidating 'Jacob stare' in place- eyes darting between me and Leah as he hastily stalked towards us. "Why the hell didn't you tell me she was back?" He snapped. The wolves cowered. He had this effect over them in human form? I would never fully understand an Alpha's power.

I did know that not upsetting the Alpha was a key. They'd learned that with Sam, who was gripping the railing tightly, unable to do anything because he hadn't phased in years. He understood the situation.

Quil directed an accusatory glare between Jacob, Leah, and I. "Who is back?"

Jacob zoned his eyes in on me- harsh, cruel.

I knew I had this coming. And he would face my wrath, at least a fraction of it; the others wouldn't dare take a step forward. I wasn't a member of the pack. Jake and I were about to have a screaming match, and I would win.

"He knows too, right," Jacob hissed, pointing to Embry. "I'm guessing?" His eyes drilled into my head. I glared at him, not fumbling in the slightest.

"Are we really doing this again?" My teeth grated. "Do you want your ass kicked?" He took a step back. "You always blame me, Jacob."

"Because you're her best friend!"

Silence. Absolute silence except Jacob's heavy breathing and our rapidly beating hearts.

"Secret's out," Leah mumbled. Her eyes were to the ground.

"Why didn't you tell us, Autumn?" Jacob lowered his head so it was level with mine, voice dangerously low. "And you?" He veered to Leah who stepped further back.

I grabbed his arm. He shrunk back and tried to escape. I was using my strength. "Leah chose to have a last minute wedding."

Leah jeered. "Eric's idea in the first place." I scowled at her, eyes begging her to let me do this. Jake could seriously hurt her, even if he claimed it wasn't in his nature. Sometimes the human side would retreat and the wolf would take over. "I'll stop," she curtly replied.

I turned back to Jacob and continued to clench his forearm, feeling his muscles tensing beneath my grasp. He was swallowing several times trying to not show I was harming him. "I don't even know the whole story behind Bella being back, Jacob. But, here's my advice: blame me all you want, but she's the one you need to talk to, alone. Don't go looking for an argument with us because we happened to be in the right place at the wrong time, okay?" You have to love my twist on catch phrases. "Don't fight with us because we knew."

"I sure as hell didn't," Julius remarked.

Bastard. "Julius," I bellowed. He flicked me off, but silenced himself. I jabbed Jacob's chest repeatedly with a finger on my free hand. "It's your decision if you want her back on these lands, _Alpha_. It's up to you if you want her in your life, Jacob_._"

He was losing his confidence. Jacob was back. The tension in his body left and the invisible veil shrouding his face pulled back to reveal a pair of miserable, uncertain eyes. I relinquished my grip on him. His body relaxed, and he examined the bruises on his arm. "I'm sorry," I whispered. He shifted his feet and nodded. "She will tell you what happened when she left and you need to listen, listen like a friend…_her_ friend. You know as well as I do that if you show her you still love her…" He shook his head, denial manifesting itself in his features, but surpassed by his eyes- hopeless and loving. "…It'll make it worse. We know someone's going to get hurt."

"Yeah," Julius cut in, again, resentful. "But, is it going to be Bella, Jacob, or my sister? I'm not going to sit here and watch my sister get tossed aside like…a slut."

Jacob's was shuddering, an apparent glint of anger in his eyes. I seized his arm and pushed happy memories of Jacob with Chimera, and Bella into his mind, hoping to put him in a mode of peacefor a moment. But Julius's next words and my unintentional relief of my hold on Jacob set him off. "But that's not going to happen is it, Jacob?" Julius bickered on. "You _can't_ leave Chimera like that. Bella is going to be the one forgotten about in the end."

Jacob tugged himself free from my constraint and moved in front of Julius. His hand flexed, itching to wring Julius's neck, but he stopped mid air. "That's not going to happen. You will not speak about her like that, and you do not speak to _me_ like that." Julius lips twitched and he backed away, obeying.

I would never understand that.

Jacob's eyes scanned over everyone's daunted faces and he walked to the edge of the woods. The final choice was going to be difficult for him. I knew it. We knew it. He knew it. He was conflicted right now. And the only thing that could soothe him would be Chimera or Bella.

The thing about me- reading people so well- I can see things others don't. And Jacob, who always came off as unbreakable, strong, all the traits of a true Alpha (it was in his blood…although granted, his mother, was a remarkable woman too), he really…wasn't. He _was_, but he was also human, and his emotions changed frequently. There are days when your behavior, thoughts, and feelings can't be ignored and you unleash them. His emotions were going to be like a ship in a tempest- unpredictable, shocking, and always changing. He would say things he'd regret and do things he'd think about so much he wouldn't be able to sleep.

Bella wasn't going to be the only one getting hurt, as much as Julius and likely the other male pack members thought so. Jacob washurting, Chimera would too. The most horrible habit Jacob had developed over the past few years was not telling those two girls everything. He never lied, he just didn't say it. But, who'd take the hardest hit? That title was up for grabs.

The sun was setting, signaling the end of such a hellish day. I watched Jacob as he paced around the forest line as a human, before disappearing into the trees, trembling. "Jake," I said, low enough that only Alpha ears could here (yes, the powers enhance when you were given that position). He paused. "She should know." He stood there for a while, processing my words.

Who? Who could I be referring to? I don't think even I knew.

He phased and ran into the forest. And that was that. For now.

* * *

_The next day_

_Port Angeles, Washington_

_(Jacob's POV)_

It scared me how much Autumn knew me…knew people. It was one of her freaky hybrid powers…or maybe it was all her- just Autumn and her annoying capability of knowing.

I'd been aggravated with myself for blowing up like that, in front of part of my pack, Brooke and Carmen- human girls- and Sam, especially. I could see that look in his eyes as he feared my uncontrollable urge to attack…attack my family.

I didn't care that Sam was trying to show me that happened sometimes- losing control; I regretted that my altercation yesterday even happened.

I'd been so bi-polar the past day it made me panicky.

Bella Swan would not leave my head.

I didn't even…I couldn't even…last night I slept on the couch, leaving Chimera in the bed upstairs. She didn't question why. She knew I was…emotional.

God- I'd wanted to fight when I'd seen Autumn. I was eager for broken bones and blood, but that wasn't me. I thought I'd finally mastered being in command of the beast within. Everyone was aware of Bella's return that evening, and I'm not sure what would result from that. I'd sent Embry to arrange the meeting because I was unstable- I'd probably rip someone's head off…likely Paul or Julius's…definitely one of them.

So, here I was, sitting next to Leah in my car, a gift from Julius, Chimera and their father (what the fuck, right?) driving her to Bella's home. Leah claimed she was going to select her wedding dress. Leah's getting married…what the fuck is this world coming to? Leah was fuming next to me, glaring at me and pouting, crossing and uncrossing her arms the entire time I sped around the mountain curves leading up to Bella's building. We hadn't said a word to each other. She eventually motioned to a three story, not-so-modern building. I killed the ignition and followed her as she trudged to the house. I heard the distinct echoing of music through the walls.

"You owe me an apology," she said, eyes straight ahead. "And you should thank me for bringing you here."

"I'm sorry?" I snorted. "And thank you?"

"Fuck you." She punched my shoulder. I retracted as a result of the short-lived pain. We walked up the steps; they creaked slightly under our weight. How old was this place anyways?

She reached for the door. "Don't fuck this up," she said over her shoulder, leaving me perplexed and unable to move for a second as she entered the building, bells knocking together to announce our entrance. I bumped into Leah's back as she paused right inside the doorway, smiling, with a hand against my chest to stop me from advancing any further. I looked at her, bewildered. My ears were assaulted with the sound of a Lady Gaga song (apparently she was **IT**right now), blasting from a stereo beside the door. Why hadn't I made out the music when we were outside? Yeah…I was distracted, that was my excuse.

These people I wasn't familiar with were having a good time. A petite blonde, curvy, dressed in a blazer and jeans was arranging a shelf, shaking her body to the song. I couldn't help but smile. She pointed the duster to a dark haired, tall girl in glasses and she sang the lyrics.

_Let's have some fun,_

_This beat is sick_

_I wanna take a ride on your disco stick_

"Disco stick?" I said from the corner of my mouth.

Leah cackled. "This is so playing at my wedding…on repeat."

The brunette twirled behind the counter and danced against a black haired guy with pierced ears and black painted fingernails laughing and sitting on a stool, feet propped on the counter. The guy sang the lyrics into his 'microphone,' the stereo's remote, waving his arms around.

_I can see you staring there from across the block with a smile on your mouth and your hand on your huh_

The thin, dark haired girl's eyes landed on us, and she froze, blushing. She snatched the remote from the guy's hand and shut off the music. I heard a soft thud come from behind a door in the back. "What the fuck, Angela?" He cried, staring at her. 'Angela'sounded familiar. She nudged him and pointed towards the door. "Kyle, Ashley, we have customers."

The blonde, Ashley, on the other side of the room pivoted sharply to Angela and then faced us, flushed from embarrassment. She threw the dust feather aside and dropped her hands to her waist, instantly poised professionally. "Hi, I've returned, like promised," Leah said, fingers bending as if waving to them.

"Is this the future hubby?" Kyle jumped to his feet, leaning over the counter, intrigued, eyes on me.

I chuckled. "No." Leah stifled a laugh.

Ashley titled her head, eyes trailing down my body. I rolled my eyes. "Here we go again," Leah teased, voicing my thoughts. The wolf pack, including Leah and myself, was used to the stares by now.

Angela shuffled around the counter and greeted us, shaking our hands. "Welcome back, Leah…and?"

I smiled. "I'm…"

Ashley cut me off. "Jacob. That's who he is." My eyes averted from Angela's eyes to hers. She had a wide smile slapped across her face.

"Yes," I said, drawing out the word.

"No fucking way." Kyle dashed to stand beside me. He was kind of tall for a human. "Wow."

Ashley continued. "It's about time we met you! The pictures don't do you justice." Pictures?

"Jacob Black?" Angela said. "That boy from the beach, years ago, when I was in high school? God, how old were you…15? Damn." She cupped her mouth, dumbstruck. "You grew up nicely. You aren't that scrawny little boy I remember from First Beach."

My cheeks heated up. Leah doubled over with laughter.

"You two met?" Ashley inched forward, still staring at me like she wanted to 'sex me up.' I wouldn't object if I was single, or still like _that_. I'd been behaved, very well behaved, and it made me feel a million times better about myself; no longer was I sinking into that…stageagain. The only girl I'd been with since Bella was…

"Yeah," Angela explained, practically glowing with happiness. "Back when I first met Bella. She was flirting with Jacob. I remember that. I watched the two of you. There was an evident comfort between you two; I had no doubt you two would grow close, even then."

An uncomfortable silence passed, all three pairs of eyes glued on me. "Yeah, that was me."

"I knew it!" She clapped her hands gleefully.

Leah pinched my cheek. "Aw, ickle Jacob- used to be short and skinny! That's unimaginable!" I blushed furiously and slapped her hand away.

"So, why are you here?" Kyle asked, poking my abs.

Ashley smacked his arm to the side. "What the hell are you doing?" She gritted her teeth.

Kyle turned to her. "I can't see them, he's wearing a shirt. I wanted to know if the outline of his abs I see through the fabric is real…not drawn on."

"Unlike that pale guy we saw in that movie a while back," Ashley addressed Kyle and Angela. "I mean, next to those hunky, tanned men, with the rippling abs? What the fuck was that pale motherfucker thinking?" Someone had a foul mouth, and it was hilarious_._

"I remember," Kyle joined their discussion. "I was hoping for more screen time from the hunky ones, especially the main one."

"What was the title of that movie? Something about a moon, I think?" Angela said, chipper.

Ashley scrutinized me. "You know you kind of look like him, but you're taller and hotter. What was that actor's name, the one Kyle and I embarrassingly squealed over, while Angela and Bella just shook their heads laughing?" She glanced between Kyle and Angela, hoping for an answer.

Kyle scratched his head in thought. "Something with a 'T'"

"Remember what Bella said, and we all agreed? 'I still don't know what that girl was thinking, choosing the pale one who was gone for, like, the entire movie over the other one,'" Angela reminisced, shaking her head and laughing. Leah and I eyed each other, inhibiting our giggles.

"I'm actually here to see Bella. Leah's here for the wedding, obviously."

"Really?" The 'trio' chimed in response.

"Yeah," Leah coughed to cover her laugh. "Kyle, let's see what you got." Leah, perky? Eric definitely brought out her softer side.

"Will do," he said, excited and lead her upstairs.

"Bella's in the kitchen." Angela pointed over her shoulder to a revolving door beside the stairs the others were ascending. I walked forward, heart resuming its earlier frantic pace. Ashley followed behind Angela upstairs. I reached for the door, ready to push it open.

Ashley poked her head over the stairs on the second floor. "Careful…she's been crazy today, working her ass off to get a cake ready for a huge birthday celebration tonight. Someone's having a 21st bash. She also had a…" Ashley looked...pitiful. "She had a rough day yesterday."

_I wonder why. _It's my fault. I should have explained to her why…well whatever I needed to explain, hopefully today I could start. It was my first step into reconnecting with the girl I once loved, _still _loved.

"We'll give you some privacy," Angela said as she dragged Ashley away and they disappeared onto the second floor.

I'd be behind the door in seconds, once I got the guts to push through. I'd been rehearsing what to say when we got a moment together all night and most of the morning. Funny how everything I planned to say was instantly forgotten because of my nerves. This was the first time I'd be alone with Bella in almost four years.

I was shaking because I didn't know what would happen. Yet again, Jacob Black's confidence is tested by Bella Swan.

* * *

_(Bella's POV)_

I'd been running around the kitchen all morning. This particular customer had been fussy about what she wanted with her cake; she wanted it to be precisewith the ingredients, style, and decorations. It was already going to cost her a fortune. What a spoiled, greedy little brat_._

My eyes were burning. I'd cried all fucking night basically. Ashley, Kyle, and Angela did the usual comforting; they sat with me and listened- it was a common thing for us. If someone was upset, each of us would offer support in the form of hugs, holding, food, chocolate (a girls' best friend), alcohol, laughter, campy horror movies; we'd even break out one of the _Saw_ movies; there were so many that you'd spend the whole time making fun of them. What number were they on now? Number 24 or something? Or teen comedies; _Mean Girls_ was a personal favorite- one we could all agree on). Eventually I'd had to push them away, after thanking them of course, and continued being a mess, alone.

Since I pledged to make yesterday my last 'break down,' I'd engrossed myself with this bizarre order.

I was speeding around the vicinity of this kitchen like a maniac, pumped by the addictive beats and songs of Ashley's Lady Gaga CD. Every morning, while we opened up, before any customers arrived, one of us would select a CD of our choice and play it. The first day, Kyle had picked the Backstreet Boys greatest hits CD and joked how gaythat made him, proving he wouldn't be offended if we cracked a joke or two over it. It was his greatest quality- to not let discrimination bring him down and allowing himself to joke about his personal interests with people who didn't care what he 'preferred.' That was an exciting day; we sang every song, and ended up dancing on the table in the kitchen or parading up and down the stairs. Work didn't always have to be stressful and boring, so why not provide entertainment for ourselves?

The music had cut off during 'Lovegame.' I'd been so immersed in working to the music that I tripped when it silenced, spilling an open flour bag over the counter and floor. I was wiped out, sticky tank top clinging to my skin, bra strap hanging down, no makeup. It was more than obvious I hadn't had a good night. My shorts-yes, I was wearing shorts- were a pair of black gym ones that belonged to Angela. I never attempted to look presentable in the kitchen. When I worked, that was all I did.

I turned to the sink, cleaning the bowl that had fallen to the floor. "Thank God you didn't break." Great, I was talking to inanimate objects. Where was the music? 'Bad Romance' was supposed to be on next.

I heard footsteps upstairs and a soft hum of voices. Ah, customers. I can't blame songs about 'taking rides on disco sticks' not playing when people we didn't know were here. The door slid open. I dried off the bowl. "Angela, I'm kind of busy." I leaned on my tiptoes in attempt to stack the bowl in the cabinet. I slid and pitched against the counter, miraculously catching the bowl before it defied gravity.

I froze as an all too familiar deep, warm, slightly childish chuckle filled my ears, one of those laughs you can't help but smile when you hear it. And smile I did.

He leaned over me and a large, russet hand placed the bowl neatly on the uppermost shelf. His body rested against the counter beside me. I knew I was blushing. "Bella, it looks like an atomic bomb went off in here," Jacob teased, elbowing me.

I looked at him, laughing, embarrassed and so happy. He'd come to see me. This was good news: he didn't hate me. I met his eyes, light with laughter and a subtle hint of love and desire…or maybe I was imagining things. Little bubbles exploded in my stomach and chest and I cleared my throat, walking back to the cake, failing to not inconspicuously watch Jacob as he paced around the kitchen, fingers lingering over everything. I couldn't speak. This was the second time I'd seen him in years. He reached up to open the curtains, shirt lifting up to reveal a strip of rich skin. I looked away, blushing, straining to not to think about his…body. "You have a nice place. You did good, honey." He'd been peering out the window and now he circled around and approached me.

I dropped the tube of frosting on the counter. "You called me 'honey.'"

His warm, brown eyes met mine as he realized his mistake. "I've always called you 'honey.'" He leaned against the counter beside me. "This cake is fucking huge." His eyes widened as he examined the dessert.

I snorted. "Elaine Rivers wanted it 'perfect,'" I made quotations with my hands, shaking my head. His eyes were heavily focused on my face. "Jake, please stop."

"Stop what?"

"Staring at me, like that_._ It's nerve-wracking." I shivered.

"I'm nervous too." He lowered his voice, almost enticingly. _Get it together, Bella._ "Your body still reacts to mine."

I was unnerved. "What?" I gasped. He couldn't mean…

He cleared his throat. "Just an observation. Look." I instantly met his eyes and he nodded to my hand. My eyes followed the movement. My hand was beside his, palm down on the counter, and my pinky was a millimeter away from his. I'd inched closer to him during our small talk. I stared at him, unable to mask the emotions he'd made me feel with such a simple remark. I jerked my hand away and busied myself.

"You've been crying," he said. My lips quivered as I held back my tears. I sniffled, wiping my nose with the back of my hand. "And it's because of me." I glanced at his face; there was no use concealing my pain- the pain of seeing him with someone else. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and his eyes were laced with concern.

"I'm a girl, Jacob," I snickered, looking away. "We cry," I swallowed, coating the cake with icing.

"Can you be honest with me, please?" He said impatiently. He cupped my cheek and turned my head to his. An instant touch meant an immediate reaction from me; my eyes shut briefly as my skin soaked in the warmth of his fingers. I kept my hands to myself reciting what I knew: he was with someone and I was a friend. He bent his head to mine. "Tell me why you're crying."

My tiny, smeared hand gripped his wrist and I unlatched his hand unwillingly. His face…he felt rejected. "Don't make this harder for me, Jacob," I pleaded, teeth clenching. My eyes watered and my heart threatened to splinter again. I leisurely placed his arm back on the table, taking note of the trembling, not forgetting his smooth skin. I recovered. "You're with someone. I've resigned to that fact. But it doesn't mean I don't want to be in your life again, because I do, badly." I tore my gaze from his, but his eyes remained on me the entire time.

A tense silence passed. I worked and his fingers drummed silently against the counter. "Tell me why you left." There was finality in his tone. He was understandably physically upset. "The truth…all of it. No detours, no minor details left out. No lies."

Another silence passed as my brain engaged in a quarrel. "You already know." Don't make me repeat it.

"I want to hear you say it. Start from the call from Alice, your trip to the Cullen's, you decision to…do that to me. I haven't forgotten, Bella."

I sighed, brushing my hair behind my ears. "Okay," I breathed. I faced him and positioned myself against the counter across from him. He crossed his arms and looked into my eyes, daring me to turn away. "Alice said I needed to apologize to Edward for leaving him on our wedding day." Jacob scoffed. I ignored him. "She said I should come see them; it was important. When you 'proposed,'" I said quietly, struggling not to fall apart from the memory of the ring, Jacob's words, of the kiss. "I'd made the decision to see them, so I did. I went there, spastic. Ask Autumn," I chuckled. I continued to tell him my reactions to seeing them all again, what they said about the Volturi, and everything in between. "I didn't understand it at the time, what they were implying. I think I didn't want to believe I had to…leave.'" I began to gesture with my hands, adding animation to my story. "Edward…we were alone. I thought he was going to change me." I took a peek at Jacob, who was clenching the counter top with his fists. "He said he'd never do that, so I told him about my 'epiphany' at the wedding, how much you meant to me, and how I wanted this life as a human. How I would never be his again. I made that clear." My voice was strengthening. I mentally patted myself on the back. "He explained to me that the Volturi had dove into Carlisle's mind and saw that I was still human. They were wrathful. It's exceedingly difficult to anger the Volturi, but its hell if you do. They were angered to their capacity. They said I had to join them as a vampire or I'd die. But, they added more to my _sentence_. They threatened to murder every person I loved and make me watch." Now, I was becoming weak, remembering the visions that had assaulted my mind, my dream, the worst nightmare I'd ever had. I'd have to explain that to him, soon. "They wanted me to suffer horribly for disobeying them. The Cullen's knew and I realized at that moment that I had to isolate myself. I couldn't risk losing my family, my friends…or you." He stared at me- sympathetic, understanding, and sorrowful. "That night, I knew I had to break up with you. And on Christmas Eve of all days!" I fisted my hands, still self-loathing over that decision. My voice lowered to a whisper. "So, I selfishly invited you over to spend one last night with me. You knew something was wrong that night and you gave me everything you had."

"I should have known you were breaking up with me. You didn't tell me you loved me after we…" His cheeks darkened. "…finished."

I blushed. "I couldn't. I couldn't say it. Saying those words, I had to make you believe me the next day. I knew the only way you'd let me go was to make you think I was getting back together with Edward."

He whacked the cabinets that were level with his body, beneath the bar. "And I believed it."

"Because you had to," I said. "If you, for one second, caught the faintest hint I was lying, it wouldn't have worked. I would have broken down, and you would have seen through it all. You'd be doomed. We all would."

He nibbled on his lower lip. "But, Autumn…"

"For the last time, Jacob," I sighed, frustrated. "She had no ideahow strong she was. No one did. It was too great a risk. She's my non biological sister, my best friend. My life was so unimportant compared to hers, yours, and everyone I loved. One life versus several? There wasn't another option but sacrifice." He debated that. Unreadable emotions flickered across his eyes. "You _know_ if I would have told the truth, you wouldn't have hesitated to come with me. Am I mad about having to leave you, about the Cullen's for keeping such information from me, and at Autumn for not knowing her strength? Yes," I said, contempt trickling through. "Jacob, you were, _are_, the most important thing to me. If I lost you," I swallowed. "I couldn't deal with it." I gazed at him again. "I had a nightmare that night, moments after we…made love."

He snorted. "That was almost four year ago. Damn." He remembered.

I grinned. "Yeah." My lips curved downward and I frowned. "The nightmare did it. It closed the deal for me- made me go through with breaking your heart again." He shifted, a sign he was affected by the memory..._memories._ "I saw the Volturi torture everyone. There was this body was on the floor…" I could picture it clearly, like I'd dreamt it last night and not years ago. "It transformed and I saw my parents, the Pack, the girls, the Cullen's, everyone." I walked closer to him…but not too close. "The last person was you. And you died. There was blood…so much blood." I wrapped my arms around my rumbling stomach. _Blood_. He grasped my arms to steady me, soothing me. His touch always did that; the warmth, the rough skin…his hands were comfort. "And I couldn't take it. So I lied. And I did it perfectly, a feat for me." I slid my fingers over the skin of his wrist, giving into my desire to touch him. He didn't pull away. "I'm sorry," I whispered. He wasn't hiding his emotions. We were so close. If I leaned in and tilted my head up I could…no, I couldn't. I backed away and returned to my cake. "I'll always be sorry I hurt you. What happened is in the past and all I can do is try to change- make up for what I did to you. But we're safe now, that's all that matters." I tried to convince myself, more so him, that it wasall that mattered. I was lying horribly.

"You already have. You're older, matured…accomplished. You've grown beautifully," he said, admiring me. I smiled shyly, captivated. Jacob was always honest. Another moment passed. Jacob pondered, lost in his thoughts, trying to come to a decision. The awkward tension had eased and we were almost back to the comforting level between us. "I want to be your friend again, Bella." He smiled at me. The Jacob smile. I returned it, heart fluttering. I wanted him to say more, something like 'we will eventually get back to the way we were.'

But yet again, I was hoping for too much. He was with someone, a wonderfulsomeone. I had intentions to win him back, but right now being friends again was an excellent start. "I'd like that," I beamed. I diligently went back to work. He scooped a glob of icing from the corner I'd expertly manicured.

"Hey!" I chuckled, slapping his hand away. "That was finished!" I shoved him with my arm. He licked his fingers clean and laughed. _Stop with the tongue! And his lips…Bella! _Here was something PG rated- his teeth were _white._

Step two in winning Jacob over: Have fun with him.

He backed away and I noticed the tube of icing was gone. "Jacob! Where is my blue icing?"

"What icing? Your cake is covered with it." His hands were behind his back. He walked away, whistling, back to me. Oh, he was so getting it. I reached for the sink and retrieved the hose attached to the main line. I aimed for him and pulled the handle. He jumped as the water drenched his back "Whoa!" He turned to me, smiling. I was…I could do this. I pouted. "What?" His jaw dropped as he eyed the hose I had intentionally not tried to hide behind me. After all, it _was_ attached to the sink.

"You little devil," he said, smirking. I sprayed the front of his shirt. He gaped at me, clothes dripping wet. He was wearing a white t-shirt and the water had soaked through. I guess he's giving new meaning to wet t-shirt contests. I was inexplicably and immediately turned on by the sight of his defined abs highlighted by the fabric sticking to them. He was inspecting his shirt, shocked and amused.

This is what happens when you refrain from sexual activity for years. Since Jacob was my only one, not that he needed to know that, my body reacted almost violently to his. Everything about him...

I snapped out of my thoughts and grinned mischievously before turning around to coil the hose back into the sink. I knew Jacob wouldn't surrender without a fight. I was waiting for his move. I sensed him behind me, but before I had time to react a handful of flour was dumped on my head. I wheeled around and gawked at him, faking anger. "You jackass," I hissed. He shrugged and threw his hands up, smiling widely, guilty- his hands had been dipped into white powder.

"Pay back," he taunted, tongue sneaking out playfully between his teeth

"I don't see the problem. You've never lost out on a chance to reveal your body, like so," I baited, motioning to his sopping shirt. "I was surprised you even wore one."

"And uh, what do you call what your wearing? 'Not being slutty by being skimpy' or 'creamy, morning delight with a touch of flour'?"

Holy shit…we were flirting.

I eyed the split bag of flour, ruined from my clumsiness earlier and reached for another handful, throwing it at him. He was alarmed (did he not think I would continue?) and didn't duck; it hit him square in the chest, powder covering his face. "What now, Black? Don't insult the attire." I said, feigning a 'come hither, gangster' voice I learned from my old friend Alicia. Another ball of flour flew into my chest.

"Oh it's on."

The next several minutes Jacob and I hid behind tables and counters, declaring territory in the kitchen, using various objects as shields, as we engaged in an all out 'flour war.'

By the end of it, we were covered, almost from head to toe. I was, at least. Jacob learned fast to dodge my attacks, so I was 'flour girl.' The floor, furniture, and counters were layered with it. My cake was miraculously untouched and forgotten about. I was reaching for the entire bag, with a mission to dump it over his head when he darted behind me and enveloped his arms around me from behind. I squeaked, a common reaction from a surprised girl, and kicked my legs. I was stunned my friends hadn't come downstairs to check on me yet.

I was having so much fun with him…and I was in his arms, even if I was squirming. _Oh fuck_. I froze and he lowered me to the ground, gently, hands ghosting over my waist, backing away and clearing his throat. I blushed and wrapped my arms around me. I faced him. He was sitting on the floor, back against the cabinet. I crawled over to him and mimicked his position. I nudged his leg with my foot and reached for one of his hands folded in his lap, cradling it in my own. "Jake," I said, trying to ease the awkwardness. "Jake." I squeezed his hand. He didn't meet my eyes and his cheeks were red. "You don't have to not touch me you know…holding me is fine- it's completely normal. And…it's a natural reaction to friction for guys." I laughed, mortified, finally able to wedge in what I was meaning to say within things I wantedto say. "You don't have to be embarrassed about it. You're a grown man now, remember."

He rolled his eyes, other hand tapping against the floor. He was stroking the top of my palm, sending little shocks of electricity throughout me. I didn't think he was aware of what he was doing. "Bella, you really are oblivious sometimes." He stared at me. "You've been excited since you saw me earlier. I might as well have been shirtless." Oh, yeah. I blushed. "And who's to say I haven't been turned on since I saw you." I snuck a glance at him. At least we were being honest. He was desperately holding my gaze. "I'm not going to deny that I'm aroused by you. You're attractive, you always have been. I _am_ attracted to you, but…"

I think he was purposely refraining from saying that he still loved me. But, maybe he wasn't. "Chimera," I exhaled. I slumped forward, untangling my hand from his.

"I'm with her. I want to be with her." He was suddenly angry, regretful even. "What were you thinking?"

I pursed my lips. "Believe it or not, Jacob, I do still have feelings for you."

"God." He buried his head in his hands. "You can't."

"Jake!" I stood to my feet quickly. "I didn't come back for you!"

At least, not initially.

Where and whenwould this ride end? I had no fucking clue.

_Breathe your life into me_

_I can feel you_

_I'm falling, falling faster_

_Breathe your life into me_

_I still need you_

_I'm falling, falling_

_Breathe into me_

* * *

(A/N: If you're wondering: Leah's Eric is an OC, not the one from Bella's high school. Did ya'll pick up on Bella's friends 'New Moon' discussion? Lol. Also, forgive me: there's not much about Jacob's parents that I know of in the books, so that section in Jacob's POV was all from my mind. Also, the outfit Jake wears to Bella's is in my photo bucket account/Jacob-Black-n-Pack group for this story linked in my profile)


	25. Imperfect

Disclaimer: see previous chapters. Lyrics: Eden- Sarah Brightman (_gorgeous_!), Teardrops on my Guitar- Taylor Swift and You Belong With Me- Taylor Swift is mentioned.

(A/N: Thanks for the reviews, alerts, and faves! Congrats to **Monserat** for being my _500__th_review!)

* * *

**Chapter 23: Imperfect**

_Did you ever think of me,_

_As your best friend?_

_Did I ever think of you?_

_I'm not complaining_

_Bella's apartment_

_(Bella's POV)_

My phone was going off, waking me from a rather blissful sleep. Do you know how loud a phone is when it's vibrating against a hard surface, in this case my bed's side table? It's insane.

My insides leapt to my throat at the sudden sound and I pulled my pillow over my head, drowning out the noise. I'd had a long and eventful day and all I wanted to do was sleep so I could travel into a world where I was still with Jacob and _someone_ wasn't in the way.

That was horrible. But no lies right?

The phone began buzzing again. Someone really wanted to speak with me. I was lying on my stomach and pushed the pillow aside to check the clock. It was almost 3 in the morning. "Seriously?" My voice was scratchy from sleep. The phone would not stop ringing! I raised my weight on my elbows and rolled my eyes. I grabbed the phone and took a peek at the inappropriately bright screen. 'Autumn' was calling. I answered, resting on my side "Autumn? Is everything okay?"

"Bella! Everything's fine." A short silence followed before she continued. "I woke you up didn't I?" Relieved, I snorted, rubbing my hand over my face tiredly. "Now that was a stupid question; of course I did. I'm sorry. Embry just got back from his patrol. He's out like a light," she chuckled. "We talked about you."

"Who else, right?" I said angrily.

She sighed. "I owe you a thousand apologies, Bella."

"Autumn…"

"I should have told you Jake was seeing Chimera." I cringed, taking in a sharp intake of breath. "When we saw you in New York, I should have, but I didn't think you'd come back, at least not long enough to be fully entwined in his life again. I know it's a lousy excuse…I-I should have told you when I saw you _here_. God…I don't even know how to explain why I didn't. Things have been all over the place since your return. I couldn't think properly. We all can't. Leah knew and Embry…we kept quiet because we were trying to promote a 'no drama' policy."

"Autumn, it's no one's fault but mine. It's between Jacob and me."

"I don't even know if keeping silent made things worse or…I don't know if your return is a good thing. I'm glad your back but, Bella, I don't even know where to began," she laughed darkly. "I always know what to say, but this whole situation is too much to process."

"Wait. Is it something you think Jacob and I should discuss?"

"Yes, but…"

"Autumn," I silenced her again. "Then let him tell me. Let us talk. This is for me and him to sort out." Another silence passed. I heard her scoot a chair back, a rush of wind, and a glass door sliding open followed by the rustle of sheets, I'm assuming. "Autumn, were you up all night…outside?" I sat up, clutching the phone tight to my ear.

"Yeah," she said. "When I think, I think a lot. I called to say I'm sorry, even if you think I shouldn't apologize, I'm doing so because I feel I should. I made the mistake of leading you to Chimera. I swear, I thought you knew! But then again, I thought you didn't, so I was stuck. It made me come off as a bit of an idiot. I lead you right into that. I expected Jake would have been there, not Chimera. I found out from Embry when it was already too late that Chimera switched shifts that day. She was supposed to work during the day, but instead she ended up being scheduled for the evening. I wanted it to be you and Jacob only…together. I'm so sorry." She'd rapidly explained herself. She sounded worn out, like she was getting upset.

"Autumn," I said, evening my voice out. "People make mistakes, you know?" I ran my fingers nervously through my tangled locks. "There's nothing you or I, or anyone, can do to change the past. There's no such thing as time travel; that exists solely in fictional stories…even if this world does have its fair share of vampires and werewolves," I chuckled. "Nobody's perfect. We were made to be imperfect, flawed creatures." I realized I wasn't referring to myself only, but also to the population as a whole, myself _included_…Jacob and Me, Edward and me, my weekend with Chimera, Autumn keeping her mouth shut about Chimera…mistakes, interactions, and moments that bound each of us together. "It's all about acting in the present to make up for the past. There's no turning back." I thought about how I'd chosen to form a friendship with Edward. And now, how I was trying to reconnect with Jacob and my friends here…even my father, although I'd seen him more than the others.

Autumn laughed softly. "When did you get so articulate and preacher-like? You didn't stutter once!"

I snickered. "College."

"Hey, how about tomorrow, you and I hang out, just the two of us. Embry would like to see you. Maybe we can stop by Charlie's too?"

I nodded. "I'd love to. I haven't seen my dad since I moved here." I corrected myself before she could say something. "And before you go on about how I saw him and not you, he's the one who talked to the woman about the 'place of work' for us. I couldn't be a coward when it came to him." Admitting I had been wrong to not call was a pretty gutsy thing to.

Autumn didn't probe for more conversation. One of the things I loved about her. "I'll pick you up around lunch time?"

"Sure. Sounds good." Good news: my best friend and I were getting back on track. I knew, no matter what, she'd always stand by me. "Autumn?" I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Yeah? I'm here." She'd caught onto my change in tone.

"Thank you." I twiddled with a loose thread on my quilt. "I know I say that to you all the time, but I still want to thank you for all that you've done for me and the others…for being tough. And…" I was overwhelmed for a moment. I needed to talk with someone within the family, or the tribe to say, or I'd come apart. There was silence on the other line; Autumn was always the faithful listener. She was patiently waiting for me.

But, my silence had gone on for too long. "Bella, are you alright?" Her concern was discernible. "Silly question, of course you're not. You can talk to me, even if it's early in the morning." I heard a bed creak as she likely sat down. "I'm a hybrid; I don't need much sleep. Although if you want to go back to sleep…"

"I'm fine," I said, tersely. "I mean, as far as sleeping goes."

"Talk to me, Bella. I know you've got a lot on your mind." Damn right. "It's never a good thing to keep thoughts inside like that; you'd…fall apart." That's precisely what happened when Edward left and, at the time, before I started hanging around Jacob, I had no one to turn to.

Therapy session with Autumn, take number 600. "I'm really…torn."

"That's reasonable. Bella, I had no idea you were friends with Chimera. I can't even cover…Embry and Jake had a mind chat, so…"

"I want him back." There I'd said it. Out loud.

"That's…" she sighed deeply. "That may be a problem."

"I know," I whined. "We…he came over today."

"So I heard. Things were good?"

I shrugged. "Somewhat."

"Is this part of your plan to win him back?"

"Maybe," I drawled. "First it was seeing him again, and reassuring him I wasn't leaving again, and then it was having fun with him, and talking about much needed issues…"

"And what's next?" She said curiously. She wanted in on this.

I pondered. "I kind of figure it out as I go. I'll probably see him again, soon, and I'll talk to him daily. Hopefully, somehow I can receive an invite to the Reservation."

She sniggered. "You're evil."

"It's worth a try. But I don't want to…I don't even know how to put it in words."

"Hurt Chimera?" There she goes again: Autumn taking the words from my mouth I can't unscramble. It's like her talented perceptive skills could work over the phone. Autumn will never cease to intrigue me, especially since her existence alone defies all mythical science laws.

"Exactly," I whispered.

"Bella, not to give you ideas, but…" I heard a hint of mischief in her voice. "You can be friends with her and grow close to him at the same time. You can spend time with both of them, but sooner or later you're going to have to get your hands dirty. What I'm saying is you might have to be a bit of a bitch."

I rested my forehead against my hand. "I don't want it to have to come to that. I really do like her, even if I'm in love with him."

"Does he know that?"

My heart skipped a bit. "Know what?"

"Don't play coy with me, Bella. Does he know you're still in love with him?"

"I don't know. I told him I had feelings for him."

"I give you points for doing that. So you did then?" I stared blankly at my wall. "Bella, you didn't tell him you're in love with him, did you?" Her voice lost its eagerness.

I shivered, and choked back a sob. "No. I'm too scared, too worried, too caring, and too unsure. I don't even know how he feels about me! He said he wants to be friends and he's attracted to me…"

"Have patience with him, Bella."

I rolled my eyes. "Not me," I said, annoyed for a second before sadness took over again. "I don't want to ruin this. I saw him for the first time in _years_ two days ago."

"Then don't rush things."

I sighed. "What happens happens, right?"

"Yes. He might surprise you, Bella. You never know."

"Jake's all about surprises." He was. He always did things that were unexpected. How could I know what would occur? I didn't have Alice's gift, and even then she can't predict everything. Practice optimism, right? Except, such a thing never lasts long with me. It all came back to fate.

I realized at that second, that I honestly had no idea what would happen.

* * *

_Early-Mid November_

It was strange seeing Leah at the shop every day. She finally dragged her fiancé along with her- a tall guy from another Reservation with long hair, and skin a shade darker than her own. She always looked at me peculiarly, like she itched to say something important, but she never did.

So, imagine my surprise when Leah actually spoke up and said something to me that wasn't related to preparation for her wedding. Well, it _was_ related, but I'd never expected such a personal request.

I was sitting on my balcony, eating my lunch. It was a gorgeous day, one of the few sunny day Forks had. Kyle and Ashley had taken a lunch break to downtown Port Angeles to check out a new Italian Restaurant. Angela was at the front desk, counting money. It'd been a slow day, so only one of us was required to remain downstairs. I'd done all of today's baking and was relaxing before we had to 'crash' a couples anniversary party tonight and serve them our goodies.

I hadn't seen Jacob since he'd visited me. I knew he had school and work, but…

I really shouldn't think too much into it. I'd seen him on Saturday and it was only the middle of the week. He did call and I called him, one time for each, but it wasn't the same as seeing him. I remember pinching myself the first time we spoke over the phone after my return, letting my mind know it really was his voice I was listening to and not an imposter.

I lounged in a chair, feet propped up on the railing, sunglasses on, clothed in jeans and a tank top. My shoulders were bare so I could get some sun, which was a waste of time since I couldn't tan, but nonetheless, the sun felt good. Like Jacob's skin.

I hastily slurped the rest of my smoothie (Kyle made _killer _smoothies) and opened a book in my lap, urging the thoughts of his touch erupting in my mind to go away. The door slid open and Leah emerged with a shirt tied up revealing her midriff, and short, ripped jean shorts. Her hair was in a ponytail, and strands stuck out of the band. I leaned forward rapidly and moved my sunglasses to the top of my head, brushing the hair around my face back, imitating a headband. "Leah, hey."

She glanced in front of her, mouthing a 'Wow' at the view my balcony offered; the same view through my window. She shook her head and turned to me. "Hey," she said, casually. "Do you mind…?" She pointed to the chair beside me. I dropped my feet to ground and nodded. My chair screeched as I moved it to the side to give her more space. She sat stiffly across the table from me. I watched her movements anxiously.

"I've been meaning to talk to you," she said, crossing her hands in her lap.

"Oh…about?"

"A lot of things, but mainly about the way Brooke, Seth, and I acted when we saw you in New York City, years ago."

I gaped at her, awed. I'd almost forgotten that. "I deserved it." I picked at one of my nails, nervously.

"At the time," she sneered. "But…" She softened. "It was before we knew the real reason why you left. We never made an effort to call you to say something after we found out." She smiled sadly. "I'm a bitch, Bella…in more ways than one." She rolled her eyes. "But that was wrong of me."

A familiar stirring in my chest resurfaced as I remembered how they'd treated me and how upset I'd been. I stared out into the woods, thinking, trying not to give those past feelings away.

Leah startled me. "What you did was really brave, Bella." I scrutinized her. Her voice was sincere. "And I admire you for taking such measures to keep us safe…all of us, even the Cullen's." Her last few words were a bit forced. She smirked. "Hell, if you'd died, you'd be a martyr," she joked.

I arched an eyebrow. "Did your Alpha convince you to do this?"

She laughed loudly. "He brought it up, but it was my decision to come see you. Seth and Brooke would have tagged along, but he's in school and she's working a double shift. Believe me, Brooke bitched to her boss over the phone about not being able to go, but he insisted. Seth had a test that his grade depended on."

I smiled. A brief pause passed between us. "So, what are you trying to say?" Where was she going with this?

She rolled her eyes. "We owe you an apology. I…" She was stumbling over her words. "I'm sorry for the way we treated you. The stuff I said to you…" She shook her head, like she was angry with herself. "I said we were never friends and I told you to stay out of our lives." Her eyes were distraught.

I pointed accusingly at her. "Now _that_ was upsetting to hear from you. It made me question if you truly felt sympathetic towards me when you said 'we're more alike than you think.'" Her eyes flashed to mine; a sense of recognition was in her face, like something she really hadn't thought much into was now into the forefront of her mind.

She spoke, features returning normal. "I was angry with you for hurting Jacob, my family…me." She motioned to herself, speaking in a pained whisper. "Bella you might need me more than you think as things…unfold." I turned abruptly to her, questioning her, confused…wondering. "As you know, Jake's with someone."

I shook my head trying to rearrange my thoughts after she'd said I might need her. I figured I wouldn't get anything else from her- she had that look on her face, a scowl that shut her off from me. "I was stupid to think he wouldn't be with anyone, Leah. I was too expectant. Too selfish. Why should he live in misery because I left him? He's so full of life," I said, leaning forward in my chair, voice affectionate. "Why would he let me in again after I rejected him so harshly for those months when I was with Edward and then when I'd left him for years? I guess I was hoping he'd come for me, that we'd be together again. But, I was stupid." I bit back a lash of anger directed towards myself, again, inspecting my hands in my lap. I just said that to Leah? I was uneasy, but I felt like I could rely on her.

Leah hesitated. "Did you ever see someone else?"

I shrugged and wrapped my arms around my knees, staring at nothing in particular in the vast expanse of woodland in front of me. I nodded. "For a while, actually, but I couldn't fall in love with him. I tried, but it never happened."

She scoffed. I glared at her. "Sorry." She threw her hands up "I'm sorry, really. You got me to say sorry to you, Bella. Apologizing really isn't my thing, at least not an apology this genuine." As another pause inched its way into the discussion, I flicked a leaf off the table. _Say something, Leah, because I have no clue what to say_. She did. "I also said you weren't a part of the family anymore," she lowered her voice, sadness and repulsion present in her words. Eric…did this?

But, maybe he wasn't what renewed her. Maybe it was her...all Leah. I had to keep reminding myself that nearly four years had passed since I'd seen them all. That would mean the old pack members were all in their twenties. No longer kids…not even teenagers. They'd grown up.

Like me. Hopefully. I felt like I wasn't the same girl from before. Maybe I should take a tip from Leah and Jacob and speak my mind more and not stray in the shadows and refuse to stand up for myself. I had defended myself though, to Jacob. I told him why I came back and why I left. I had to prove I wasn't weak, or selfish.

How could I be entirely selfish if I'd ran off, lived alone, cut myself off from everyone I loved to protect them and not place them in the path of death and destruction? I could have stayed because I didn't want to lose Jacob or my newly discovered family on the Reservation, but I didn't. That had been the start; the major step in growing up. Or maybe it started when I left my wedding to Edward? I'd never know. But what I was doing _was_ selfish- wanting Jacob back in my life, and trying to earn my spot in this extended family again. But, was it completely selfish if I didn't want Chimera to get hurt? I could say 'fuck it' and manipulate them into breaking up, but I wasn't going to. Because I didn't want anyone to get hurt. "Leah," I filled the silence that had dragged on for too long while I'd thought. "I'm not though. You were right. I can't be considered a part of this family, not right now."

"You can be you know." Her eyes flickered to my wrist. Oh_._ I instantly withdrew my hand from its position on the table and crossed my arms, tucking the hand into the crevice formed. "Bella, did you wear that bracelet when you saw him for the first time?"

"Yeah." I nibbled on my lower lip. I focused on Leah's nose; I was unable to meet her piercing eyes. "He must have not noticed. I was wearing a jacket. And when we were in my kitchen together I didn't wear it because I didn't want to lose it." I finally met her now bewildered eyes. "I don't wear it while I bake." My last words were hushed and my eyes lowered to the wooden table. "It's too precious to me."

"What about the other bracelet? The one he gave you for Christmas?" She probed. Thattook me aback. I bristled, a mixture of anger, regret, and sadness intermingling in my features. "Bella he spent weeks making that for you. I know why you don't wear it now, but don't you see how much it means to him? Did you ever wear it?"

"Why are you asking me this?" My voice shook. Was she trying to break me? My last large wave of tears had been shed the night I found out Chimera and Jacob were a couple.

"It's not…I want to know. It was random, honest. That shit decided to pop in my head," she said, eyes never leaving mine, no sign of a smile- sincerity through and through.

I didn't have an answer. Not one I could describe properly. I finally pieced some words together. "It's too intimate. Emotionally, it was a burden to wear. The inscription he made about love and destiny, about the two of us…too much." My lips quivered. I would not allow myself to crumble.

"Do you still have it?"

"Of course," I said simply.

I didn't know what she was thinking. Leah Clearwater had the best poker face. "Bella," she said, fingers drumming on the table, speculating, eyes darting to the window, forest, and back to mine. "I want you to be a part of my wedding."

I almost laughed, but settled for taking a deep breath instead. "I kind of am…"

"I don't mean the catering shit," she snarled, causing me to jump slightly. She placed her head in her hands and rubbed her temples, taking a few deep breaths before clasping her hands and looking at me again. "I want you to be a bridesmaid."

Her words took me of guard. I couldn't take them in.

I finally soaked in what she'd said. Leah Clearwater was asking me, a girl she couldn't stand at first, the 'leech lover,' to her wedding. _Her wedding_. My eyes widened. "Leah," I gasped.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't be so dramatic. I'm serious. Take it as me giving you more of a chance to prove yourself…I don't know. Take it as an opportunity to spend time with the girls and me, like before."

"I-I…"

She let out an aggravated sigh. "This is me trying to encourage you to forgive me for what I said. Brooke wanted it too. Emily was excited, Autumn was grateful…"

My legs bumped the table. "You talked to them about me?" I leaned back and stared at her. "I don't know what to say."

She stomped her foot. "Fine. _I _want you to be there, even if they do too. I want you to be by my side when I give myself to Eric."

My mouth dropped. "Leah…"

"I didn't imprint on him." Her eyes bore into mine. My mouth closed shut. "And I'm glad. I hate that shit." She shook her head vigorously, frowning, lips curled with a fury. That was the old Leah coming to the surface…the real Leah. She'd moved on, but she still harbored feelings for Sam. But apparently they were getting along.

"But you like Brooke and you came to terms with Sam and Emily…"

"I like them as people, Bella. I accepted Sam and Emily because I had no choice and I loved them both. Imprinting…you can't reverse it or get rid of it; at least, I haven't heard any cases of that happening in our tribe's history." A sickening ball of dread coiled in my stomach and moved excruciatingly slow to my chest. _Shake it off, Bella, ignore it. _

"Yeah I will."

Her head snapped to me. "Huh?"

I grinned. "I'll be a bridesmaid. I'm going to have to face all of you eventually, so that's a start."

Leah smiled_, _really smiled, but there was sadness behind it and the way she looked at me. Her eyes were clouded. "Good." She stood up and headed to the door. "The color's red."

I angled my head towards her. "And let me guess, your dress is black?" I teased.

Her eyes were light with laughter. "It's not a funeral Bella, although the guys already harassed me about that, so you're kind of late."

I snapped my fingers, smiling. "Damn."

"My dress is Ivory. There is no way in hell I'm doing a completely traditional wedding." She grinned before sliding the door open.

"Wait." I clumsily got to my feet and caught her by her arm as she stepped inside. "Thank you for asking me to be at your wedding and apologizing. I appreciate it."

Her face split into a smirk. "All part of the plan for you to get Jacob back right?" I gaped at her, appalled. How could she think…? Oh, the nerve! She backed towards the door of my room and opened it. "Maybe I'm just helping you out…" She slammed the door shut before I could utter a word.

Whoa. Leah…_Leah_ wanted me back with Jacob. The only phrase going through my mind was _what the fuck_?

* * *

_The following day_

I'd told Kyle, Angela, and Ashley immediately after I'd been invited to the wedding as an actual participator in it. For some reason that prompted Kyle to break out a celebratory bottle of champagne and we all got tipsy. Our brains were clear enough to not do anything irrational though.

So here I was, happier, feeling accomplished. I was smiling. I was going to be a part of the wedding! I would get to see everyone. Yeah, I was nervous, but I was happy I'd get a chance to bond with the girls, who didn't seem to hate me. The Queen Bitch herself apologized to me and asked me to her wedding; I think I was good to go.

That was the distressing part- not being accepted. I could hear the sarcastic, insulting remarks I'd possibly receive from the guys. "Wait and see, Bella, wait and see," I said to myself as I pushed open the kitchen door and emerged with a tray full of freshly baked cookies to display for the day. I almost dropped them to the floor as I faced the front door.

What the hell was she doing here?

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" Kyle beamed. He was hunched over the counter. "When is the last time I saw you?"

Chimera, dressed in a classy red scoop neck sweater and black dark-washed skinny jeans with boots, moved around the counter and hugged him after pulling away from Ashley.

Maybe I could quietly put the stuff in the display racks. _Yeah, Bella, because she's not going to notice another body, even one as tiny as yours, within feet of her._ Besides, I wasn't going to be a coward. I may have been thinking vengeful thoughts about her for days, but I did love her.

Maybe, oh I don't know, I could talk to her like a real adult. Mental slap entered in right here. We'll see, right?

I smiled brightly and approached the trio from behind the counter. Chimera was at the end now, between the two. I opened the windows and positioned the baked goods. I looked drab in Kyle's' ripped shirt with my jeans coated in flour.

"Bella," Chimera said cheerfully and ran to the front of the counter as I put the double chocolate chip fudge cookies in place. She grinned and drew me into a hug. I awkwardly returned the hug, balancing the tray in one hand, resisting the urge to bash her in the head with it. Ugh. I was PMSing. Right. That's why I was so pissed. "Hey," I chuckled. Ok, she always did have a something about her that made you like to be around her. This whole situation was screwing with my head.

"Guess who's back, back again," Angela recited an old Eminem song as she came down the stairs.

Kyle joined us as I closed the glass. "So, I never thought I'd see you again."

"Surprise," Chimera giggled and punched his ribs. "I was wondering if Bella would like to pick out a bridesmaid dress with me for the wedding." Oh, yeah, she'd be a part of that too.

Wait, what? I stiffened and accidently dropped the glass window shut. We're supposed to lower it slowly or it'd slam hard and loud, like it'd done now. I faced her, eyes wide.

"I could've made it for her," Kyle complained. "But my ass hasn't made anything red, and the wedding is around the corner."

Hmm…you know what…

I smiled brightly. "That's fine, Kyle. There's got to be somewhere with good dresses."

Chimera perked up. "Good! There's a little boutique in downtown Port Angeles, not far from here, obviously," she said, excited.

I smile weakly. "Let me get dressed."

* * *

"You're kidding me," I laughed, as I followed Chimera to Jake's Mustang. God, look at that thing. That's muscle. _That_ is a good car. "He let you drive it?"

She threw her head back, cackling as she ducked into the driver's seat. My fingertips glided over the metal and lingered over the leather interior as I sat down and leaned my head back. "God," I moaned. "This car is fucking orgasmic. I thought Autumn had the best car!"

Chimera chuckled. "Jake tweaked the engine a bit. It fucking vibrates, it's nice."

New cars did this to people, especially ones with this much power…that belonged to Jacob.

She started it up, and a vibration rocketed through my lower half. The all too familiar 'race car sound' infiltrated my ears. Regular, compact cars didn't do this. Motorcycles did. Sports cars. She spun out and pulled her sunglasses on, shifting gears.

She pressed a button and the roof retracted. A convertible. The wind felt fantastic against my face and I rested my arm over the window. It was chilly, but after being cooped up in the kitchen all day, I could care less. My hair was still wet; I was giving new meaning to air dry. It felt freeing almost. Not like a motorcycle, but close enough.

I was sitting next to Chimera, the girl who was with Jacob, and I was having a good time.

"So," I shouted over the wind whipping around as she gracefully drove around every curve as we ventured downward. I faced her, pulling my sunglasses over my eyes. "How'd you convince him to let you drive it?"

She laughed. "I told him I was coming to see you and he suggested it."

I casted my head back, letting the wind brush against my throat and dip beneath the collar of my low cut sweater. "He let you handle one of his 'babies?'"

She grinned. "He said something about motorcycles being a safety hazard and you being prone to accidents."

"That's me, accident-extraordinaire. I trip over everything."

"That explains it."

I couldn't help but smile at her. Her dark, wavy hair was flowing around her, full lips in a smile painted with red lipstick. I felt a swell of gratitude, warmth and love that Jacob had told her to bring a car instead of a bike. He did care for my well being.

How could he not? Jacob was born caring and compassionate. It was his nature to be friendly, despite the occasional rage fits as a side effect of the wolf within.

It was an added bonus that the leather seats had his scent all over them- woodsy, piney, and clean.

I leaned my head against the seat and inhaled. This was likely the closest I'd get to him again so why not memorize the smell while I could? But he wouldn't deny a friend a hug, right? I wouldn't be able to hold him for too long; he'd pull away. Was he afraid of losing control? I respect that and I respect that he's with someone, despite me putting up a fight, not so obviously though.

As friends, we'd been affectionate, always. The only difference when we finally tested a relationship together was kissing, longer embraces, hands in intimate places, wandering fingers over things below the neck…and sex.

_Sex._ It didn't help that this car was built to be shown off and that it smelled like him_. _Shit_._ I hadn't had any sexual contact in four years, how the hell was I going to prevent myself from convincing him to touch me in a not-so-platonic way? I'd have to learn control. I'd had enough time to practice. In fact, I had years of holding back. I could have slept with Jeremy, but my conscious wouldn't allow me to. _That_ was control.

We slowed to a shopping center and Chimera pulled into a parking space directly in front of the store. Drop-dead gorgeous homecoming and wedding gowns hung in the window.

The store was larger than it appeared on the outside. It actually went into another unmarked building beside it. Dresses of every color hung in racks everywhere I turned. The walls were painted in an eggshell white, along with a white carpeted floor, with dressing rooms in the back complete with three and five way mirrors on top of steps, elevated above ground. Chimera made a beeline to a red dress section in the back and engaged me in animated, easy going conversation as I followed. I'd never been into shopping, but these dresses were beautiful.

I was _so short_ standing next to the model beside me. Long legs were totally unfair. Some of these items were for petite girls, right?

"The only rule is…" Chimera met my eyes. "You cannot look better than the bride."

I snickered, pulling out a dress to examine it, and shoving it back in with disgust. What was it, lace and nothing else? "Everyone knows that."

"Well…yeah. It's hilarious though," she continued, giddy, at least three dresses piled in her arms. "Carmen and Brooke are in a mini-battle with each other over which one of them will look the most glamorous. It's all good fun though," she chuckled and shook her head at a moment I'd obviously hadn't witnessed.

I was jealous of her as I watched her parade around. She was easily accepted into the pack the moment they met her, although I'm sure her brother had a say in that. The girls didn't seem to have a problem with her, not that I knew for sure; she had a body people paid money for…and she had Jacob. Did she know how lucky she was?

She continued to ramble on and I was absorbed in what she said. She discussed moments with the Pack and girls, her job, her boss hating her because she's too friendly to customers. Apparently she worked at a retail store. That was a huge step down from her previous employment, but it'd been her choice, and yet again, I respected her for that. She was enrolled in community college; she'd recently gotten her GED. She said something happened with her old boss, Ricardoshe called him, in Canada and that's why she ended up here. I followed her to the changing rooms in the back. I'd only selected two dresses-a halter piece and one with thin straps. Let's hope at least one looked decent. We'd been in here for over an hour and I'd chosen two. She'd chosen several.

That was the difference between being a shopper, someone with deep pockets and good taste, compared with someone who didn't desire a great amount of fancy clothes, even if they were uplifting to wear, but still wanted to look good despite it all.

I went to another stall. "Hey," Chimera called out. I stopped and faced her. "Why don't you try these on with me? It's always good to hear pointers and judge when you're not in separate rooms." I stared at her, unsure. With the girls, we had had no problems changing in front of each other. It was a girl thing. Even self-conscious me did. Of course, that had been when I'd returned to Forks years ago, only after I slept with Jacob.

Sex could make you feel like complete shit and you could wallow in your sea of guilt for making such a mistake, or, it could give you a burst of self-confidence and a sense of comfort in your own skin and make you do things you wouldn't normally do if you chose to remain celibate. The latter had been me.

I shouldn't be doing this. I should not be thinking about sex with Jacob when his girlfriend was in the same room as me. It was the car, I swear! The thing was, Chimera was comfortable in her skin and she had Jacob. How could I even…?

_Suck it up, Bella._

I smiled and followed her into the dressing room. She shut the door behind me and skipped to the dresses hanging up. I sat down, carefully folding my dresses in my lap. "Now, you have to be honest about how I look in these dresses, alright?" She peered at me from the corner of her eyes.

She'd stripped down to her bra and stringy underwear. I tried not to stare, really. I took in her tan skin, full chest, curvy hips, and long legs. Chimera had high cheekbones. I had a heart-shaped face and round cheeks. I was competing with this? I'd seen her in less, but it made it worse thinking she'd expect me to change in this room with her and she'd tell me what she thinks. Judge me. Yeah, because pale, short and slender next too something like _this_ was a compliment. The only thing I had going for me was a rounded bottom. My _gay_ friend had said he'd 'hit that.'

She tried on dress after dress and she looked stunning in every one. Her dark hair, cherry red lips and rosy cheeks completed the whole look. Yet, she always found something in every one she didn't like and I couldn't understand it. She'd say it made her stomach poke out or made her breasts too big, made her legs look out of proportion. Miniscule things.

I realized that Chimera, when I saw nothing physically wrong with her, didn't think she was that attractive as her confidence made her out to be.

I leisurely stepped out of my clothes and slipped on my first dress, a red, flowing one with straps weaved with a rope like fabric. My eyes were everywhere but her face as I glanced in the mirror, standing beside her. What had Autumn said when we'd had lunch together a couple of days ago? Something about 'fake confidence'?

"Chimera, you think your beautiful right?" I'd said that? Word vomit.

Chimera stared at me, clothed in her final dress. It was a short, puffy skirted gown with a sweetheart neckline showing off her bare, sun-kissed shoulders. "Yeah, I do. I think every girl should find something she likes about herself and not pay heed to anything else, although…" She pulled her hair behind so it fell over her shoulder. "It's hard to see yourself as beautiful when you're trying on one skimpy dress after another."

"But do you think you're perfect?" Our eyes met in the mirror.

"No, not even close." She was…sad.

"On the outside I mean. I know you have a screwed up past."

She shook her head. "Bella, there's a difference between thinking you're beautiful and thinking you're perfect."

More word vomit found its way to my voice box. "Jacob. He's perfect. I mean he's flawed on the inside, we all are, but physically he's a masterpiece," I swallowed and turned away. Why had I said that? I felt her eyes blazing into the side of my head. I bravely faced her and chuckled. "Look at him…look at the guys!"

She shook her head, laughing. "He's not. Yes he has a great body, all of them do, but," a light sparkled in her eyes as she spoke and one of her true, alluring smiles followed. "His lips…the top one is fuller than the bottom."

"That's an imperfection?" I let out a breathless laugh, relieved I hadn't turned this into a fight because of my slip.

She giggled. "Yes! It doesn't affect his techniques, but perfection is defined as…a fuller bottom lip, heart shaped, thinner than his. That was what the old artists and what not believe…that concept of ideal perfection. But perfection doesn't exist. A person is not physically perfect. But you can argue with those old farts if you want," she snorted. I cupped my mouth, grinning. "And he's tall, obviously, abnormally tall. He should be skinner, or chubby for his height if we're talking science here..."

"Are you complaining?" I playfully accused her.

"Hell no!" She shouted gleefully. "I'm just trying to make a point here."

"That no one is physically or emotionally perfect?"

"Yes. Jacob's beautiful, but…everyone's different. Jake and the guys have bodies' men spend a year or more working on, without the use of steroids, that they developed within, at most, three months, and _that_ is abnormal."

"Werewolves."

"Exactly. Everyone has a flaw, even if it's unnoticeable." She turned to the mirror. "Standing here and looking in the mirror every day I can pinpoint my flaws, even if Ionly see them. Exploring what's inside, my heart, my mind, that's a whole lot of imperfect right there." She paused for a moment. "Now, people can be together and thus create perfection in relationships. Someone can complete someone…and thus they feel perfect. But then again, being perfect together is imperfect, unusual, if any of that makes any sense to you." It did. That's how I felt around Jacob.

My lips curved upward and I burst out laughing. "How in the world did we get into this conversation?"

"I have no idea," she said, pressing her forehead against mine. How could I not get along with her? This was going to kill me. Could I really do this? Could I juggle wanting Jacob back and enjoy Chimera's company? Could I keep this from her, my plotting to be with Jacob?

She smiled at her reflection in the mirror. "I think this is it."

"Did you focus on your abundant…" I nodded to her chest, grinning. "…Good qualities?" I teased.

She rolled her eyes. "Very much so. I blame you making me go into that _imperfect _speech about _perfection_." She pointed at me.

"I think it looks perfect." I motioned to her dress. She blushed. I hadn't really glanced at myself in the mirror yet or even paid much attention to the dress. I looked irresistible even without my hair styled and lack of makeup. The crimson red didn't wash my pale complexion out. It gave me cleavage too, not that I had much. It was like I'd stepped out of a fashion magazine, the 'sexy' issue. "I think this is it too, except, these…" I fiddled with the straps. "…are complicated and they're the only thing that keep this dress up."

Chimera smiled at my comment. "It looks amazing on you and…" she looked at my behind. "Where did that bootycome from?"

I flushed beet red from head to toe. "I've had an ass for several years now, thank you very much." I tried to sound like I was offended and failing miserably as my lips twitched into a grin.

Moments later we changed back into our civilian clothes, paid for our dresses (they were on sale) and walked out laughing, her armed looped through mine. My extra long lunch was over.

I'd almost forgotten, in those last moments, that she was with Jacob. And as that thought repositioned itself to the center of my mind, with those images of her with him, and the two of them making love, I felt sick.

I was in love with him. I wanted him to be happy…but I wanted him to be happy with _me_.

I would have to do this behind the scenes. But it would be Jacob's choice, something that had dawned on me soon after I'd found out they were together.

But I would not give up until he let both of us know who he wanted, if he desired me romantically. Then, I would accept the choice no matter what, even if it was her he'd choose. That didn't mean that I would play dirty, like Autumn had said.

I wasn't evil. I was passionate. Another step formed in my mind: I needed to spend more time with Jacob, physically, alone. But I wanted him to invite me over, not the other way around.

As I stepped out of the car and waved goodbye to Chimera, I couldn't imagine hurting her. How was I going to do this? And the ever constant question, how would this all turn out?

Did Chimera know how lucky she was that she has him?

A country melody from Angela's CD, resonated in my ears as I entered my home.

_She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love_

_Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause_

_He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar_

_The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star._

I couldn't have said it better myself.

* * *

_The next day_

"So, you had… fun?" Ashley said, staring at me like I was a psychopath as the four of us- her, Kyle, Angela and I- gathered in the studio on the second floor.

"Yeah," I said, reclining against the table top. Ashley was alongside me and Kyle and Angela were perched across from us.

"And is that part of the plan?" Angela cut in.

"No," I said, staring into her eyes. "I'm not going to manipulate her or him. There will be no manipulation."

"So, how are you going to stay friends with her when you want him back?" Kyle said, agitated.

"That's way too far ahead." I stood up and paced. "I'm not trying to rush this thing_…_whatever _it_ is. Leah's already got me in the wedding, and that was unexpected enough and it was a push forward. I don't really have a plan…I make it up as I go along."

"Look, Bella…" Angela approached me and reached for my hand. "You've been hurt by this, you're still hurting." My eyes stung from unshed tears. I wiped them away before they could fall and met her eyes. "You don't think this is hard for Jacob?"

"Why would it be?" I snapped. I crossed my arms. "He's still attracted to me, but 'I love you' wasn't included. I want to be his friend and I will be. But, I also want more." What was I even saying? I hadn't told him I loved him either. What was keeping me from doing so? Oh yeah…Chimera. "And yes, it's me holding onto what we once had, but I can't change the way I feel. Feelings fade away or get stronger, but to alter them, it…it doesn't work like that." I turned away. It was true- I would always love Edward and I would always hold dear that memory of what I shared with him. But, I discovered years ago, that he wasn't meant for me. "I don't know. Can we just…see what happens?" I pleaded.

"Bella," Ashley soothed. "We aren't pressuring you. We like Chimera too. But, I want you to be happy again, like you were with him in those pictures."

"I concur." Kyle raised his hand. "You should do whatever youthink feels right."

"Thank you," I said, before joining them again, regaining my composure.

My cell phone rang. I retrieved it from my pocket.

Jacob was calling.

My mood completely shifted. My insides heated up, my heart beat quickened, and a huge smile replaced my meager, almost forced one.

"I know who's calling," Angela sang.

I slapped her playfully as she leaned against the table beside me. I stood to my feet, walking a few feet away as I answered. "Hello," I beamed, squeezing my eyes shut, biting on my nails like a child.

"Hey you," he responded, cheerfully. I ran my fingers through my hair, blushing. Yet again, I felt like a school girl- receiving that call from the guy you like, or in my case, the guy you're in love with. "I haven't been avoiding you, but shit's been hectic." I almost scolded him for his foul language, before I remembered it really didn't bother me and he was, like, 20, going on 21 in about two months_. _Whoa. "School, work, business."

"I know," I chuckled. "If you were truly avoiding me you would have never called and I'd have to march my tiny self over there and demand you talk to me." I smirked. Would he catch on to my reference?

"Ah," he said, somber. "You're referring to that time where I went through my 'changes' and ignored you?" His voice lightened towards the end.

"Bingo," I laughed, even though I clearly remembered how desperate and lonely I'd been when I couldn't even turn to him after relying on him for so long, back in the day. I didn't want to live in the past, at least, not that part of it.

"Anyways, I called to see if you were free today and could visit the Reservation?"

My eyes widened and I grinned. Yes! He was inviting me over! "I'd love to!" I cupped my mouth as I realized how girlish that sounded. My friends mimicked me and swooned, blowing kisses. Ashley had the guts to flick her tongue between her fingers erected in a 'V.' I flicked her off and they broke into a short bout of laughter. "That was…"

He snickered. "Bella, really. It's good to hear you sound like that. You _did _miss me." I blushed.

He gave me directions to his garage he was employed at. I dressed in skinny jeans and a gray t-shirt with white arrow designs, Kyle's creation, and left my hair down. I applied a sparse amount of makeup, paying special attention to my eyes. I looked cute. I wasn't over doing it, which Ashley had said was smart because then I'd come off as too forward and striving for attention. So, I kept it simple.

The garage was tucked neatly in a more residential area on the reservation, one with more houses than the places I was used to seeing. That didn't mean woods didn't span in all directions.

They'd really put an effort in it. The garage was three car lengths, rather small, a tight fit and tall. Tools, wheels, and metal lay everywhere.

I parked behind Autumn's car. She was here?

Wind whipped through the trees, and they gray sky didn't appear it would be clearing up any time soon.

"Isabella Swan is baaaack," the unmistakable sound of Quil's voice interrupted my thoughts and I saw him approach me from a building nearby- the store itself. Dry, dead leaves crackled beneath his feet as he approached me.

"Hey Quil," I said, happily.

He pouted. "I don't get a hug?"

I smiled. It was a comfort he seemed to be welcoming me back with open arms. I couldn't help but resurrect an old joke. "As long as your hands stay on my waist and don't go any lower, I'm down for the hug."

He laughed as he brought me into his arms. He squeezed my waist briefly, silently saying 'it's good to see you,' and his hands stayed in place.

I pulled away. "Good job, Quil."

"Do I get a prize?" He arched a brow and his eyes flicked to my chest. I knew he wouldn't last long without a sexual come on. I elbowed his side as he bent over at the waist, laughing more.

"To whom do we owe this visit," Embry said loudly as he and Autumn appeared from the road, back from a walk. I greeted them enthusiastically, mood brightening even more with the sun peeking through the clouds. Interesting. Embry pulled me into a bone crushing hug, almost to Emmett-status. One of those good, firm, brotherly embraces. "Welcome back…even though I saw you a few days ago."

Autumn gave Quil a look as he draped an arm around me. "We were just about to grab some goods from the grocer. We need some things"

"All of you?" I said, suspicious.

"It's a lot of something's," Autumn added quickly.

"Jacob's in the garage," Embry gestured to its right side. "Lunch will be served when we unload. Later." The three of them walked down the driveway. They were _walking_. Ha. What a set up: Jacob and I were going to alone. I'm betting a million bucks it was Autumn's idea. I guess forgiveness was something they all wanted from me.

I rolled my eyes and strolled to the garage. Butterflies floated around in my stomach and warmth flooded through my veins as I thought of seeing him again. A hand held radio was tuned to a rock station and on a low setting. A car was raised up on a jack. As I walked beside the practically unidentifiable vehicle, Jake suddenly slid from underneath it. I jumped back and clutched my chest, breathing rapidly. "Damn it, Jacob!" I laughed breathlessly.

"Sorry." He smiled. I loved that smile and, as the usual result, I returned it. He rose to his feet and slid the cart to the side. He wiped his grease stained hands on a rag. It didn't do much; he still had smears over his hands and splatters on his shirt and jeans.

_Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see_

_That I want and I need everything that we should be_

Jake in the garage. That was his calling. I was tempted to ask if he had any warm sodas but I held my tongue.

"Do I get a hug?" I said, quietly, voice wavering.

He smirked. "You want grease all over you?"

I rolled my eyes and chuckled. "I don't care."

"Okay." He approached me, arms outstretched. "But, don't blame me when you rant about your favorite shirt getting dirty or something," he warned, playfully.

"Says the man who wears a white shirt while working on cars."

"Uh huh…" He stepped closer. "So, I should wear these more often?" He tugged at his shirt. "You pay a hell of a lot attention to them."

Caught again. I blushed. "That shirt is tight Jacob, its hard not to." I purposely stared excessively at his chest. An impish smile crossed my face. "Are you seducing me?"

"Damn." He snapped his fingers. "Such…utter…fail." He shook his head and grinned widely. "You weren't supposed to know."

"I'll keep it a secret." I winked at him.

"Just kidding." He grinned. He reached for my arm. "Come here." He pulled me into a hug, sliding his hand up my back. I was confined against his chest and wrapped my arms around him. It felt right to be in his arms. So warm…my own personal heater. _Safe_. His hands splayed against my back and the tips of his fingers ignited the skin beneath them through my shirt as he laid his head against my shoulder. I clutched the back of his shirt, inhaling his scent, now with a touch of 'garage smell.' His hands tightly squeezed my waist before moving away. He reached for a 12 pack of soda. "Do you want one?"

"Sure sure," I recited. I was wound up from the hug. Dizzy. My legs were trembling and I was unfocused. Jacob's fault.

His cheeks darkened…wait…he'd been a bit clumsy too when he'd walked over to the drinks and now…his footing was off. He was wobbly.

Had he been aware of the proximity like I was? The touch we'd refused each other for so long?

I sat on the raggedy couch against the back wall in front of the car he was repairing. Not much distance lay between us as he settled on the edge of the hood of the car. He handed me a soda. It was fresh out of the package and it hadn't been refrigerated. Warm sodas. I think I may have swooned. I gave him a knowing look. He shrugged and smiled around the lid of the can. "Like old times."

I nodded, taking a sip. "Where I watch you work your magic…"

"And we talk," he finished my sentence.

A pleasant heat flowed through my body. "Yeah," I whispered. "I don't know where to start." I rubbed my jean clad legs.

"Tell me about college," he said as he set his drink on the toolbox beside me, coated with dust from the daily workload.

"Um…" I chewed on my lower lip as he hunched over the car's hood.

"I'm listening," he chuckled.

I rolled my eyes. "I know you are." I stared at his back as his muscles moved beneath his shirt while his hands glided over the engine, inspecting it. _That_ is why I liked to watch him fix cars.

_I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night._

"My roommates were Kyle and Ashley. Angela lived with us when school ended, and she's continued to live with us since."

"I met them," he laughed. His hand twisted a wrench as he assembled something. I kept my eyes on his arms. _Do not watch his hands, Bella_. Look at those arms! Great skin, rich blood_._ I opted for gazing at his bare feet instead; the bottoms and sides covered with dirt. Shouldn't he wear shoes? There were nails lying around! Oh yeah, super awesome werewolf healing capabilities. He could probably step on a nail, only feel a pinch, and not grasp that it was in his foot until later.

I banished my thoughts again. "Kyle's hilarious; he's out there. He's not afraid to speak his mind and he always has fun. He can take the worst situation and make a joke about it. He's like my brother."

"He was totally checking me out."

"I'm sure he did. You must have been flattered."

"'This is why I'm hot,'" Jacob sang and swung his body around, dancing. I shook my head, smiling.

"Ashley's a Barbie doll brought to life. She likes to dress up, wear makeup, and she's blond. She comes off as shallow and self-centered, but she'd really…not." My voice got softer. "She was there for me when it all…came to the surface."

"What do you mean?" Jake angled his head towards me.

"She was the first one of my friends, at the time, that I talked to about…you," I whispered the last word.

He paused and stood up, his back to me. "She's the first you told about leaving me." He faced me and our eyes locked. I couldn't refrain from looking at him. He was hurting from the memory, or something else, I didn't know. But it affected my mood; it was like we were on the same wavelength. When Jake was happy, I was. When he was hurting, or upset, I was. When he was angry, I'd blow up too. We'd usually end up in a screaming match. I had a feeling we were due for one in the upcoming weeks.

"She found…" I couldn't continue. My eyes watered. I needed…support. Something. He sensed my urgency to have him closer and sat on the edge of the couch. I bent my legs at the knees to give him room.

His face crinkled, contorted, like he was decoding something that had occurred, something that was said, that he couldn't figure out. Then his eyes widened. "The pictures."

Startled, my body twitched. "How did you…?"

"When I first met her at your job…" He gazed outside the garage. "She said something like the pictures didn't do me justice. Why…How?" He turned towards me, flustered.

I was glad that we weren't shunning the topic of our past relationship together. I held his gaze. "I stored them away the day I went to break up with you. I tore them off my wall." I swallowed a bitter lump in my throat. I hadn't told him this. "I was furious about what I had to do, and looking at those pictures…I started to doubt I could go through with what I intended. They were everywhere. Edward…" Jacob made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat. It still bothered him when I brought up Edward. I guess I shouldn't tell him about Edward and I speaking to each other over the phone every month or so, and that I saw him after my graduation. Or maybe I needed to. I did need to…but not today. I looked away. "He put them in a shoebox for me. I'd thought he'd thrown them away. I panicked; yelled at him, fell apart." His eyes shimmered with pity as my gaze found his again. "She was reaching for a set of my shoes and the box toppled over. She saw them all_. _Every… single… one."

His cheeks reddened and he shifted in his seat. "You mean…"

"Yeah, _those_…so then, I couldn't keep you from her and…" I felt nauseous. "I told her I still loved you."

His hands curled into fists and his jaw grated. I should stop…and I did. He left my side and went back to work. "Go on…about college."

Ah, he didn't want to talk about the 'L' word.

I'd ruined it. My features crinkled as an ache formed in my chest, but I changed the subject and continued on. "I went to high school with Angela. She's such a sweet girl," I gushed. "It was nice to have someone from Forks over there with me…" I prattled on about my classes, teachers, the campus itself, and my major. He responded appropriately and offered witty remarks now and then.

"You won't believe it," I sniggered as I sat on the mini-rolling ladder beside the car as he went to work underneath it."I got so drunk one night…"

Before I could finish, Jake snapped up and knocked his head into the bottom of the car and bent a leg up. "Ouch," he grumbled.

"Jake?" I said, worried.

"I'm fine," he moaned. His voice was muffled from beneath the car. "Bella, you know how you are when you've had a few too many."

Warmth pooled between my thighs. The only experience he had with me drunk was when I'd given him a lap dance. I had to change the atmosphere, since my body was rapidly heating up with lust. I was so sex deprived. Jacob had moved almost too fast for my weak human eyes, but…did he adjust his pants? I think I was paying too much attention to him. Where was I? Oh_…_ "Anyways, I got into a brawl with…Lana." I stifled a laugh, but my lips puffed out anyway and a giggle escaped.

He slid out and sat up, gawking at me. "Are you kidding me?"

"I'm not," I laughed. "I hated her guts, Jake. She's a bitch!"

"Down girl!" He jabbed my side with his finger, moving his other hand in a downward motion.

"Apparently I have two sides when I'm drunk; I'm horny or I'm violent, humorously violent."

"You _are_ stronger…" He stroked his chin and eyed me. What a _fiend_.

I rolled my eyes, laughing. "Yeah, because a helpless, defenseless, aroused, tipsy male would resist me if I put the moves on him in his weakened state."

His eyes darkened. "Nah, he wouldn't be able to." He gave me a knowing smile and rolled under the car again. I blushed for the millionth time.

I continued to fill him in on major events and my other friends. Then he opened up about the life he'd been living. He was having a blast in college, going to parties, making excellent grades, and meeting loads of friends. He'd been asked to try out for every sport- basketball because of his height, football because of his build, track because of his speed… and he'd turned them all down. New experiences, new friends, new everything...He'd even acted out a few situations that happened with him- a teacher hitting on him, being asked three times in a row to join the football team, and several other things. Jake was always expressive and enthusiastic when he carried on a conversation or told a story. He chatted with me about how different college was from high school on the Reservation- the diversity, the teachers treating you like adults, the lack of censorship. All experiences I'd had in my college years. He said he was going to graduate in about a year from now, a semester early.

"Where are the others?" I asked, looking around as I handed him a wrench. My hands were covered in dirt. I'd been on the floor, following him around.

"Oh, they're back," he snorted, pulling out and moved to the hood, doing what he promised to be the last thing on the car for now. "The three of them are inside." He glanced at the clock. "Damn, we've been here for a few hours and I'm starved."

My stomach growled. "Think I could convince Autumn to let me prepare sandwiches for everyone?" I had missed spending time with them.

"I'm sure they've all eaten," he laughed as he scrubbed his hands in that special, gritty orange soap mechanics used. "But, being a werewolf…we can't turn down food." He smiled.

"You and the guys' bottomless stomachs…" I shook my head, chuckling, and followed him inside the double-trailer. Jake said his boss was locked in one of the back rooms. They only saw him once in the morning and evening and when the guys couldn't solve a problem.

Taylor's Swift's 'You Belong with Me' was playing from an old radio through an open door in the back. Autumn was in the kitchen, singing the lyrics beautifully, while Embry and Quil wailed from their positions in front of the TV show beside the door in the sitting area.

"I'm going to see if she needs help," I said over Embry and Quil's 'singing.'

"Sure, sure," Jake chuckled, settling his hand on my lower back. He was touching me and he wasn't thinking about it. "I'll take care of those guys." He winked.

Wait...he was holding my hand…he's held my hand on the way in. Why hadn't I noticed that?

Because it was natural. It was Jake and Bells. And I didn't expect him to hold my hand. Friends did that; yes…we did before we were an item. It was a promising sign; it meant I was rapidly winning his friendship back.

I gave his hand a quick squeeze. He looked down, surprised, and his eyes widened. He hadn't noticed it either and now I was tingling from his touch.

I knew I would be hyper sensitive and aware of his touch for the rest of the day. I smiled as I vanished through the door and pranced into the kitchen, shutting the door behind me. Plain countertops lined a wall and there were ample amounts of food and alcohol.

Autumn smiled as I entered. "Sometimes the guys like to party out here and bring us girls along. We crash here for the night, only when the boss is at home, though," she said as she piled meat and cheese onto an elaborate sub. She'd completed one and was onto another. I dove in and made one for Jake and myself. "Really now," I said, spreading mayo on the bread.

"Heck yes." She cut a sandwich, a smaller one, likely hers. "Now that Sam's not Alpha anymore, he occasionally comes along."

I spotted a hookah in the corner in front of a closed door. "That's the den." She licked her fingers clean. "And that hookah was Leah's idea."

"I tried one once." I shook my head. "I gagged every time I inhaled and probably coughed my lungs up." Autumn laughed at my remark.

A silence passed. "Autumn could you be any more obvious?"

"What?" She looked at me innocently. There was a twinkle in her eyes. She knew what I was going to say.

"'You Belong With Me'?"

"Hey! I like the song!" She threw her hands up and rinsed the utensils in the sink. "Don't blame me! Quil's the one that turned on the radio."

"Uh huh," I said, smiling as I finished my sandwich and began to pile meat, cheese, lettuce, you name it, onto Jacob's. I heard tussling from the living room and laughter, as well as things breaking. Autumn rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"I think she's trying to speak to me through songs," I joked…sort of. "First it was 'Teardrops On My Guitar,' now this."

"Come on, Bella! Don't deny that that's your song to Jacob! It so is!"

I blushed. "Shut up."

She burst into song. "_And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town_…" She bumped my hip. "_You say you're fine; I know you better than that_."

I moved with her and finished the lyrics…intentionally. "_Hey what you doing with a girl like that_…" I sounded alright. That's a first. We finished the chorus and bounced around. I'd almost forgotten how much fun my best female friend was. The boys burst in, cutting us off, shoving each other playfully. I shut off the radio.

"Hey woman," Quil said to Autumn, pestering her, hovering behind her. "Where's the grub?"

"Don't 'woman'me, Caveman," Autumn argued jokingly. "Help yourself, jackass."

"Such love in this family," Quil said, mock offended, snatching a plate from her hand, theatrically shaking his head.

_Family._

I smiled and handed Jake his plate. "If it's not enough, you can finish mine." I held my plate up.

"You're so kind," he cooed. He nodded to the door, telling me he wanted to go back outside with me. I agreed with a slight inclination of my head, nervous and nearly impatient to be alone with him again.

We sat on the steps of the porch to the cabin, side by side, arms and legs touching.

"I make goodsandwiches," I groaned with delight as I chewed off another bite.

"Yours can't be better than mine." He flicked my arm.

I faced him and leaned against him. "I made yours, dummy." He snagged my hand as I went for another bite and took one of his own.

I glanced at him with shock. He even added a sound for exaggeration. "Yours is better! I feel ripped off. You made your sandwich to the best of your ability and yours only." He smirked.

"I'm kicking your ass for that, _Jakey_," I warned, suppressing a laugh.

"We'll see how that goes, okay? Are you going to punch me? Did you remember a crowbar this time?"

I gaped at him. He burst out laughing at my expression. I couldn't help but join him. Contagious laugh remember? "You had to refer to that didn't you?"

He rolled his eyes. "Please, you know you wanted it at that time…" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

I scoffed and my mouth dropped. "You have such an unfaltering ego, Mr. Black."

He leaned in, inches from my face. Heat. Static charge. Feelings. He lowered his voice. "I don't think that I've heard you complain in a serious manner yet."

I smiled and a comfortable silence passed between us as we finished eating. I watched his arms flex with each bite and his lips move. I couldn't help it. I hadn't had time to look at him when he was this close to me in a while.

What would Chimera think if she found out her boyfriend had spent a whole day with his ex girlfriend? I brushed that thought aside, refusing to worry about her when it'd been an absolutely amazing day, for the most part.

_Drew walks by me; can he tell that I can't breathe?_

_And there he goes, so perfectly_

_The kind of flawless I wish I could be._

I set my plate down as the sun peeked through the tress and walked away. Jacob's eyes were on me. I had a game face on. I yanked up my jeans as I faced him a few feet away in the grass. I was hoping for no mud. I rocked side to side, signaling him. "Come on. I don't have a crowbar, but I can still throw some punches." I jabbed the air with my fists, eyes level with one fist and my other in my peripheral. The stance I'd learned from Ashley one night in our apartment a few years ago. When you lived in a city as big as New York you had to learn some form of protection. But, I wasn't dealing with a human being; I was dealing with a supernatural being. I smiled brightly at him. Jake doubled over, laughing, as he walked over to me. "Don't make fun of me," I growled, playfully. "I dare you to come closer."

"Bella, you're like 5 foot nothing and a hundred pounds." He had the widest smile on his face, leaving no hope for my heart to calm down now.

"Who's afraid of the fragile, vulnerable girl?" Well didn't that sound familiar? I snickered. _Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?_ I wanted to have fun.

He mimicked my position, although his stance was sturdier. "Hit me," he challenged. I thrust out a hand and he tapped my shoulder. "Too slow. Harder. Come on," he beckoned. I lunged for his arm only to be spun around and pressed against him. He locked my arms behind my back. "You lose," he said into my ear, laughing at me, bunching my shirt up. That felt so nice, but…

How dare he make fun of the little person!

I pulled away, catching him by surprise, remembering my goal was to not be too obvious…I couldn't touch him for too long, although every nerve ending in my body and every thought in my mind wanted to. I was strong enough to not succumb to his touch…for the time being. As if. Let's see how long that lasts. I ducked and punched him again from the side. He faced me. I knew better than to hit hard. I didn't want to suffer another broken, bloody hand again.

He kept harassing my, urging me on. I went in to knock him in the chest only to be back in the position I was before. My back was pressed against his chest and body. Warmth, everywhere. I burst out laughing and he did to, backing up. He tripped over an upturned root. His arms enveloped my waist as we fell to the ground, bodies vibrating with laughter. Calming down, I sat for a moment between his legs, trying to ignore my unsurprising reaction. I couldn't screw things up. I would wait for him, like he waited for me all those years ago.

I turned to the side and took in his smiling face, resting my head daringly into the crook of his neck and shoulder, smiling against his skin, catching my breath.

To my surprise his hands tightened around my waist but the moment was ruined when his hand grazed against the skin of my stomach right above the waist band of my low rise jeans. My skin was by no means cool, but that subtle touch of skin sent heat flying in all directions from where it rested. My hands automatically seized his, and that's when he noticed I was wearing his bracelet. His fingers skimmed over it once before he tensed and pulled away. I struggled to not show that it hurt to be rejected again. "Come on," he stood in front of me, hand outstretched, not meeting my eyes. "Let's get back to work."

"Yeah," I breathed and took his rough, warm hand as he brought me gently to my feet. _Please don't let go, Jake._

I'd never felt so…it'd been so long since I'd felt this at ease or this…longing.

And I realized not once had I discussed my relationship with Jeremy and not once had Jacob brought up Chimera. We were skirting around those topics, but I knew sooner or later they'd find their way into our conversations. For now, I was content with the fact that they hadn't. And he didn't mention the bracelet.

Jake's hand was still clasped around mine as we headed back onto his garage.

_Score one for Team Bella. _

_Did I ever think of you_

_As my enemy?_

_Did you ever think of me?_

_I'm not complaining_

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(A/N: The J/B scene at the end was inspired by the BTS video of the EW shoot Taylor and Kristen did. It's the cutest thing ever; if you haven't seen it you should. The videos I made for this story are uploaded to my photobucket account (YouTube hates me, but photo bucket doesn't- I have 4 'trailers' for NTL up there! Check them out!). Outfits, etc are on my Jacob-Black-n-Pack group for this story/photo bucket account. All links are in my profile!)e


	26. The Pack

Disclaimer: I'm not repeating myself. Lyrics: Colors- Crossfade

(A/N: Thanks for the reviews, faves, and alerts! Anyways, to those of you who say its unfair Jake has a girlfriend, BELLA DATED SOMEONE TOO. And when he started dating Chimera he didn't know the real reason why Bella left. Anyways I threw in a little steamy surprise _:cough: I'm a tease :cough:_ in here for ya'll =))

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**Chapter 24: The Pack**

_I know you feel alone, yeah, and no one else can figure you out_

_But don't you ever turn away from the ones that help you down?_

_Well they'd love to save you. Don't you know they love to see you smile?_

_Mid/Late November_

_The Clearwater's house, La Push Reservation_

_(Bella's POV)_

Leah was having us over for a dinner rehearsal, or what she called a 'dinner party with the wedding guests.'

And when I mean 'us' I mean _everyone_- my old friends, the Pack, Sam and Emily, The Black's, Sue Clearwater. Charlie was planning to, but couldn't get the day free from work; Sue had invited him as her 'date.' I don't even want to imagine Leah and Seth ever being my siblings. It's not that I don't like them, because I do, but it's…weird.

I'd woken up before dawn; my thoughts made me restless for most of the night, so I'd given up and decided to stay awake. I'd baked enough for work that day since I was taking off, shortly after the others opened the store. I'd been asked by Leah to make cookies- a variety- and a regular vanilla cake for the dinner, so that kept me busy until I finally had to get dressed and leave. Dinner was at 3. I'd spent the entire afternoon prepping myself, using Autumn's 'yoga' techniques, as well as carrying on my habits of pacing and rambling. I spent the remaining time, over an hour, getting dressed. I blow dried my hair, and threw on a short sleeved, rather low cut, mauve, cotton dress Kyle had sewed for me as an early Christmas gift. He'd literally tossed the dress at me and told me I had to wear it.

So here I was walking up to the Clearwater's, and I was an hour early. Great, more time to panic. It'd be the first time I'd be with everyone since my return from Georgia. But things were different then: I had been with Jacob, easily accepted, and not afraid of being left out or invisible. I hated drawing attention to myself, but these people meant a lot to me and I wanted them to like me again if I was ever going to continue my life here. So far things had gone well.

I had to stop and crouch for a moment as I walked to the door, wanting to puke at the image of how I'd have to deal with watching Chimera interact with the others attached to Jacob's arm, her _with_ Jacob, where I should be. I needed a pick- me-up. I was borderline depressed.

I walked up the wide steps to the faded brown house, and knocked, clutching the handles of the bag I'd stored my stuff in to my side. "Come in," Leah shouted enthusiastically from somewhere inside. _Here it goes_. I pushed the door open, gently, hoping to not cause a disruption and looked around, taking in the beige and white walls and the wooden floor. The kitchen and dining room were to my left and a section with a washer and drawer, as well as bedrooms that disappeared down a short hallway was to my right. The living room, fireplace included, was directly in front of me.

Emily was cooking and I sighed at the sight of something familiar. I crept in and peered around the corner into the kitchen. There was no door and a counter lied in the center. Leah was putting drinks in the fridge and Emily was arranging food on the counter. Wrapped plastic utensils and paper plates were stacked on the edge. Leah faced me and smiled. I could get used to seeing her smile. "Hey, Bella," she nodded. She pointed to the counter as I stood awkwardly in the archway. "You could put your stuff there for now."

Emily grinned, at least the unmarred side of her face did. "Oh my…Bella." She looked fuller, curvier. I'd almost forgotten she'd had kids. She approached me from the counter and hugged me. I held onto her tightly, like a life raft. She pulled away, glowing, hands planted on my arms. "It's so good to see you."

I smiled. "You too." I was still a nervous wreck. My hands trembled.

"Why don't you help us out? You can unwrap what's already here and lay it out the table." She guided me to the counter. "We'll be eating outside, obviously," she laughed. "But the food will be served in here."

"Yeah, yeah." I shook my head and went to work, clearing my throat out of habit as Emily returned to the stove, silently stirring something that was boiling. Leah moved across from me. "Where is everyone?"

Leah snickered. "Bella, you're early, in case you've forgotten."

I exhaled, feeling marginally relieved. "I know that." I grinned, uncovering the foil from a large, piping hot container, recoiling and sucking my burnt finger into my mouth, eyes watering with pain.

Leah watched me, amused. "You don't like the heat, Bella?" I glared at her. Emily peered over her shoulder and chuckled. "Is it too much for you to handle?" Leah smirked. I rolled my eyes and suppressed a smile.

"Leah, leave her alone," Emily rebuked playfully as she joined us. "She's only beginning to get back into things. Anyways…" Emily shot Leah a look which she returned by forming a halo with her forefingers and thumbs above her head, rapidly turning them upwards to mimic horns when Emily turned her back to her. I giggled. "The guys are snagging chairs and tables from the neighbors and their own homes. Sam's spending the day with the kids. Sue's with Billy, who may or may not be coming, and…" She glanced at the clock. T-minus 40 minutes. "And I'm assuming the girls will be here in a few minutes."

Leah ate a spoonful of macaroni, the homemade kind you can't help but love that contains no less than three different cheeses. She leaned over the counter and rested on her elbows. "They're too excited to see you."

I looked at her. "Really?" I frowned, worried. "Wait…are you sure?"

"Yes, Bella." She chucked the spoon in the sink, before helping me set up the plates, napkins and utensils at the end of the counter. "Contrary to what you may have believed…" She licked her fingers from remnants of cheese before continuing. "They miss you a lot. Brooke's going to lose her mind."

Emily turned down the burner. "I think she already has when she found out you were back."

I snorted. A silence passed. "Leah," I said. She met my eyes. "Who's…escorting me?"

A huge smile, oozing with mischief, met Leah's eyes. "Wouldn't you like to know," she teased.

"Is it Quil? I figured since…Autumn and Embry, Emily and Sam, Seth and Brooke," I choked on my next words. "Jacob and Chimera…" I gritted my teeth, and slammed a serving spoon into a platter. Both pairs of eyes were on me. "Carmen and Julius…" I listed on.

"Whoa." Leah threw her hands up. Shit_. Don't dissect my tone of voice and my actions when I said Jacob and Chimera, Leah, please. _I practically pleaded with my eyes. She wasn't even looking at me. She cackled. "First of all, I hate Julius, okay? And second, Carmen's walking with Quil."

Thank goodness_. Bless you, Leah._ "Oh."

"Rachel and Kim paired off," she continued. She swatted her hand. "The other guys…I'm not really as close with them, so they aren't going to actually be in the wedding. Eric and I had to come to an agreement on all of our choices regarding participants." She shuffled to my side.

"So, I'm walking down the aisle, alone." I felt so…dejected.

"No," Emily giggled and leaned over the counter across from us.

Leah titled her head towards me. "I have someone special for you." She winked_._ I did not like the sound of that.

I shook my head. "Leah…"

She shushed me, holding a finger to her mouth. "Don't start. He's my best friend from college and he's been Eric's best friend since they were in preschool. He introduced us. And you'll like him…really…He's tall, dark, handsome, funny, sweet, playful…" She said dramatically.

"Oh screw you, Leah," I snarled and rolled my eyes. "If you like him so much, why don't you date him."

She glared and flicked me off. "Bella, I'm not hooking you up with anybody."

She didn't sound too convincing. "Uh huh." I went back to work, irritated. Emily was laughing.

"Shit, fine," Leah huffed. "You need to get laid." She reallyneeded to spend less time around so many guys.

I blushed and gaped at her. "Don't look at me like that. When's the last time you had a little fun, Bella…in bed."

Sex. Wonderful. Was it possible to go one day without someone bringing up sex to me? Excellent. Heavy sarcasm right there. "I-I am not…" I pointed accusingly at her. "That is none of your business," I snapped.

Leah sighed heavily. "Bella, your 23 years old. You aren't seeing anyone, you're out of college and you've had sex before. You aren't a child, you're an adult. Make it casual. Have some fun!" I shot her the dirtiest, meanest look I could muster. She cowered slightly, before rolling her eyes. "I'm not saying you have to. I was kidding, sort of." I glared at her, shaking my head with my hand on my hip. Emily sniggered. Leah's shoulders slumped. "He's in a serious relationship with a girl he plans to propose to in a few weeks," she said, no hints of lies in her tone or evident in her face. "But," she smiled. "He's really…really…_really_ good looking."

Emily smiled. "She's right."

I glanced between them, looking for a sign they were bullshitting me. I couldn't find it, so I gave up, slouching. "Yes!" Leah did a happy dance. "But, seriously, Bella…" She moved to my side and stared into my eyes. "When is the last time you did more than heavily make out with a guy? I'm not asking for your 'date,' I just…I want to know how…extreme things have been for you."

Translation: I want to know how difficult these past few years have been for you regarding physical contact.

I stared at her for several seconds. "It'll be four years at the end of December," I whispered, looking away. Emily dropped a dish and Leah's eyes widened. She appeared to feel sorry for me, more so than ever before. "Sorry if I haven't felt that way for another guy." Shit, I'd said that out loud. I swiftly glanced at Leah and Emily. "If you say what I just told you to anyone, especially Jacob…" I whispered his name. "Just…don't, okay?" I said, shakily.

"I won't," Leah responded sorrowfully.

"Bella…" Emily began.

Thank God, Brooke, Autumn, and Carmen chose to barge through the door at that moment. "We're here!" Brooke bellowed, drawing out 'here,' laughing. I couldn't believe it, but I really did miss her 'Gossip Girl,' preppy voice.

"Someone sounds a little too excited," Leah yelled and moved to the doorway. I spotted Brooke from over Leah's shoulder, still the tiny little thing I remember.

Oh, right, we were the same height.

She was beaming. Carmen was directly behind her…with short hair. She'd cut it off! And her look too, her clothes and makeup, were a lot softer than the rocker-chick style I remembered. I stepped aside as Leah seized Brooke's top and led her inside the kitchen. She was glaring at her. "If your good attitude has anything to do with Seth possibly sneaking out again to visit you in your apartment, I am…" She looked threatening for a moment then chuckled, loosening her hold on Brooke. "I am not going to be happy."

Brooke shoved her. "So, what if he did," she said. She leaned forward and motioned with her finger for Leah to come closer. Leah bent her head down and Brooke locked eyes with her. "We haven't had sex yet, okay, Leah." She pushed her away, laughing.

"No shit." Carmen hopped onto a counter. "You've been together for years. It makes me wonder." Autumn muffled a laugh as she moved to my side and hugged me. I was crammed into the corner. She rubbed my back reassuringly and I gave her a smile.

"I am a lady," Brooke spat, although humor was behind it.

"Sure," Carmen drawled. She finally spotted me and her eyes widened. "Bella Swan." She leapt off the counter, grinning, and jogged to hug me, crashing into me so that I fell against the wall.

I gasped and hugged her back. She wasn't even five feet tall but she was stronger than I'd thought. She didn't let go for a while.

"Excuse me," Brooke butted in and pushed Carmen aside. Carmen moved away, rolling her eyes and returned to a counter. "Bella!" Brooke smiled and hugged me. Well this was going…wonderfully. And that was surprising. _Don't jinx it, Bella._ "I'm sorry, so sorry," she whispered into my ear for several seconds, holding me tightly. I just nodded, tears clouding my eyes as I felt hers leak onto my shoulder. Brooke could be almost as bitchy as Leah, and as cold as…well I have no idea, but she was sweet when she wanted to be. I remember, back in high school, she'd always been misjudged because she came off as such a bitch. It was nothing but a popularity thing.

"Okay," Leah said loudly, prying us apart. Brooke wiped her eyes and I sniffled. She looked back and forth between us. "Brooke, I did all the apologizing already for you, Seth, and myself okay?"

Brooke pouted and nodded, taking a deep breath. "Just making sure…" She wiped a stray tear away. I laughed "What?" Brooke crossed her arms.

I caught my breath. "You. I forgot how dramatic you can be."

"You spoke!" Carmen cheered, eyeing me, smiling.

"I'm not a mute," I quipped, moving to her side, warming up to them quicker than I expected.

Moments later, after we talked like girls do, we were unsheathing the trays they'd brought and adding them to the feast. T-minus 20 minutes and counting.

_Breathe, Bella_. Autumn bumped her hip against mine. "Are you okay?" She whispered when she captured my gaze.

I was really getting sick of people asking me that, but I wasn't ready to put up a fight, so I nodded.

"So," Brooke piped up, lifting the wrapping off a strawberry cake Autumn had made and licking the icing off a corner with her finger. "Tell us about Bella's hot escort."

My eyes widened. Leah laughed.

There's my Brooke, always thinking about men, guys, men, men, men…and more guys.

Leah leaned sideways over the counter next to Brooke. "Nope," she sniggered and moved aside abruptly.

"Not fucking fair, Leah," Autumn said and popped Leah's bottom as she passed.

"Oh please, Autumn," Leah scoffed. "You already met him."

Autumn looked confounded for a moment, and then, as recognition crossed her features, she muttered, "Oh, yeah."

"Dish," Carmen chirped.

Autumn and Leah glanced at each other. Autumn smiled, blindingly. "Nope." Even Ipouted and sighed heavily at her response.

Moments later, we were pushed into the living room. I felt inexplicably shy. They talked about the guys, clothes, and random things. I hardly said a word. This was too…Did I really think I could fit back in? I'd missed them so much. I'd been accepted by them, but it'd been a ridiculously long time since I'd spent time with them. "So, Bella," Carmen broke my train of thoughts. My head jerked up and I returned her smile. "What have you been up to?"

I shrugged. "College, friends, school work, my job…I talked about some of that." They were watching me pitifully. Great. "Is this weird?" I gestured between them and me, indicating separate things- me, by myself, and them, the people I'd left, as a whole.

"Bella," Brooke, of all people, said. She shifted beside me on the recliner. She was half in the seat and half on the arm of the chair. She was higher than me at this angle, so I glanced up at her. "You've been gone for four fucking years," she explained, lifting her shoulders and looking at me, letting me know that that was the most obvious fact in the world. "We missed you" She held my hand. I squeezed hers.

Carmen kneeled in front of me. "Autumn told us everything."

My eyes darted to Autumn, seeking confirmation. "Yes, I did."

"And she kicked ass, major, royal vampire ass," Brooke giggled. She was probably the cutest thing ever.

Autumn rolled her eyes and stood up, walking around the couch. "For all of you."

Emily smiled at me from her position at my feet. "What we mean, really, is it's going to take some getting used to with you being back." I nodded, finally understanding. The others agreed.

"That does not mean we're angry with you," Carmen said. "We aren't. Things were pretty fucked up until we found out the truth."

"She's being honest," Leah said from the sofa. She looked bored, although I'm sure she wasn't; Leah didn't have very many expressions. "The Pack was literally split in two, and I'm not kidding."

I was shocked. "Huh?"

"Jacob couldn't find anything in him to hate you for what you did. Neither did Embry, because he knew, thanks to Autumn," she growled. Autumn smacked her arm without looking at her. "The rest of us, were completely pissed at what you did to Jacob." Leah really didn't know when to keep her mouth shut, did she? And that I was thankful for. "We thought you'd returned to Edward," she seethed. "Seth, who's always sweet when he's not being an aggravating little brother, was torn in two between his pack mates; he was the youngest one that didn't pick a side. There was a lot of fighting," she swallowed. "Jake's Alpha. If he's upset, we all are. Especially when there are vampires involved."

My heart sank. "And now?"

"Everything's fine. It's been fine since…"

The door swung open, cutting her off and grabbing our attention. Our heads turned to the sound and, what I assumed to be the 'fill in the blank' for Leah's remark, entered through the door.

Chimera. Her hair was down, and she was wearing a short, thin orange dress, a color I didn't think even Autumn could successfully wear. "Hey," she said, smiling. The others jumped up and greeted her.

And for one second I thought she wouldn't be here. _Silly me_.

"Where did you get the dress?" Brooke demanded. She helped Chimera set her stuff down on the dining room table- where we'd moved the refreshments and appetizers to. You have to remember we're feeding a pack of wolves that eat three times the amount they should.

"A thrift store," Chimera chuckled. Brooke's mouth dropped. Yeah, Brooke wouldn't be caught dead in a store that wasn't connected to a mainstream mall or one that didn't have a designer name stamped over it.

Everyone was looking between Chimera and me. I smiled. "Hey Chimera."

She hugged me. She smelled amazing, like cherries and flowers. Damn her. "I'm so insanely happy to see you here," she said, grinning over her shoulder as she led me to the couch. The others followed, wearing awed expressions. She nodded to Leah. "Leah said she finally decided to let you in the wedding. She's been thinking about it since you got back."

Leah shook her head, blushing almost unnoticeably. "I was only trying to get her back into our lives."

Autumn clasped Leah's arm and faced her. "And she will be." Leah stared at her for a minute before darting her eyes briefly to Chimera and me sitting close to each other on the couch.

Brooke plopped down next to us and eyed me evilly. "You two are getting along."

"I met her couple of years ago," Chimera said, calmly.

"Are you kidding me?" Carmen fell back against the recliner "Shit. Julius was right."

Chimera was watching the door. She stood up, and brushed past Leah and Autumn, like she remembered something. "I swear Rachel was right behind me. She was walking in with me." She stopped and leaned against the door frame, Emily across from her. I stood in between them, the other girls crowded behind me.

Rachel wore a bright, steel blue, knee length dress, very simple, with turquoise around her eyes. She really was beautiful. She was practically screaming into the phone, clenching the swinging bags in her free hand. "No, _fuck _you…" she said into the phone. I laughed. "Paul…no…we already went over this…" She abruptly stopped and her lips tightened. "Paul…" she paused. "Paul…That's why I didn't stay the night…We are not hooking up in any way while I'm in town." _Whoa_. The girls laughed.

"Paul! You know why." She rolled her eyes as he continued on, I'm assuming. "Jacob heard you didn't he…ha…it's your fault." She clicked her phone off and faced the house. She rolled her eyes. "You…skankfaces," she said as she approached us.

I met her halfway through the yard and she didn't say a word. She yanked me into the tightest hug I'd received all day. I relaxed, falling into her embrace, fighting back tears. She pulled away. Was that a Black thing? No need for words, just a silent 'you're upset, let me hold you.'

Her hands were at my sides as she gazed at me. "Hey Rachel," I whispered.

The girls began moving around the yard. Over Rachel's shoulder, I saw Chimera staring at us, eyebrow furrowing. _Yeah, Chimera, I was close with her too. I was going to marry him_. I hoped my thoughts didn't show on my face, but this brief lapse of confidence I'd never seen before became clear on Chimera's face-a slight downward turn of the lips indicating something had hurt her. She turned away to converse to the others. Was she finally catching on? How much did she know?

"Hey," Rachel cupped my cheek and turned my head to hers, her dark brown eyes locking with mine. "How are you?"

The dreaded question again. "Good." She arched an eyebrow. "I know, Rachel. I know she's with him."

She inclined her head towards me. "And?"

"I'm fine," I said, monotonously.

"That's a lie," she said under her breath.

"Can you stop?"

"What?"

"Stop telling me I'm lying. So what if I am." My voice softened. "I'll deal with it, Rachel."

She nodded. An uncomfortable silence passed. "I missed you, sis," she whispered.

Just hearing a single word, 'sis,' quickly called forth the strongest, saddest emotion I'd had in a while. "Rach…" My eyes pooled with tears.

A loud noise- boys hollering and tires spinning- came from down the road. One truck and Julius's…Julius replaced his van with a truck, a huge Ford truck. Two trucks packed with tables in the beds and men, werewolf men, hanging out windows, sitting in the back, all shirtless.

Wasn't this a rehearsal dinner? Then I remembered Leah claimed this was just a get together, so shirts and ties weren't required and neither were dress pants. Shit.

I shook my head, grinning widely. Jacob's Mustang spun around the corner with Quil balanced on top, howling. Could they get anymore reckless? _Boys will be boys_. The car came to a stop and Quil immediately began helping the others unload the trucks. The girls joined them.

My body temperature went up several degrees again as I fought another urge to run into Jacob's arms as he stepped out of his car. "That is the last time you're riding like that."

"That shit was wild," Quil said, dazed. "I could've flown off the side of the cliff."

"Don't talk like that." Carmen hopped onto one of the beds of the truck and handed a chair to Rachel. "There will be no dying, okay?"

"It's his fault," Quil said in defense. "He was zigzagging everywhere."

It was then my brain and body realized Jacob was shirtless. The first time I'd seen him half-naked since before I left. Fire engulfed me from the inside out, and I was probably covered in a shade of pink blush. I was waiting for them to get…closer. Emily was beside me through, offering a sort of comfort.

Yeah, that's my failed attempt to keep my thoughts under control.

Shirtless. Now, I could see more of his beautiful, russet skin and muscles. _Don't looks at the abs…damn_. I could look, right? And yeah, I was looking…a lot. I could see the trail of hair disappearing beneath the waistband of his shorts…

_Don't even go there, Bella._

Chimera approached him and smiled at him. He cupped her cheek and his hands slid to her waist as he pulled her to him, and I wanted to look away, but I couldn't, so I watched them kiss, forcing myself to turn my head away after a few seconds. They had no idea anyone was watching, and no one was, except me.

I couldn't even imagine that it was me in his arms. All I had was my dreams for how it felt to kiss him, to be pressed against him in more than a 'friendly' way. I needed to puke.

Autumn was chatting with the guys, pointing to me and I figured in seconds they'd bombard me with some sort of welcome, whether it be good or bad.

I gagged, kneeling over. Autumn sped over and gripped my waist, soothing me as she led me inside to the bathroom. Falling to my knees, I emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet as she held my hair back.

I didn't cry, although my eyes threatened to overflow. She guided me back with her and we sat on the floor beside the bathtub as she brought me to her chest. "I thought I was stronger than this, finally," I said, quietly.

"You are." She turned to me, resting her hand on my lower back. "But you've never really seen them together."

My eyes blurred with angry tears and I shook my head. "It should be me."

"Bella…"

"Did he even know I was here? She knew I was!" I stood to my feet.

Autumn stood with me as I rinsed my mouth out with water. She reached for a packaged toothbrush beneath the sink, opened it, and handed it to me. I brushed my teeth, before leaning against the sink. The bathroom was tight, like a closet, a _small _closet.

"He didn't see you, Bella… and Chimera…" The rest of her words were whispered. "Chimera doesn't know you and Jacob were romantically involved. She thinks the feelings were one sided," she said, leaning against the wall beside the door, frustrated. She didn't meet my eyes; I watched her through the mirror, perplexed. "I shouldn't have said that," she groaned and buried her head in her hands.

I twisted around. "She doesn't?"

Autumn shook her head. "He never told her. If she does know, she's doing a damn good job of hiding it."

* * *

Walking back into the crowd, Embry yanked me aside and walked with me to where Seth and Brooke were standing. Quil greeted me with a bear-hug. Brooke smiled broadly and gave Seth a light push. He saw me and grinned, embracing me as well. "Sorry is all I can say," he said as he pulled away. I nodded, smiling.

"There will be no more apologizing," Leah said as she passed us.

Reversing, and heading towards the house, I saw Autumn saying something to Jacob on the Clearwater's porch, moving her mouth rapidly, glaring. He wheeled around, stalking off in the opposite direction and walking through the door. Autumn turned away and joined Chimera, Carmen, and Julius, who I had yet to speak with.

Oh look at Jacob's back…

_Hand tightly gripping my waist, my fingers digging into sinewy muscles of Jacob's bare back, a thrust, his mouth on mine._

I had to pause at the memory, hand clutching my stomach, as a pleasurable cramp came into existence.

The other pack boys didn't much attention to me as I passed them, heading to the front door of the house behind Jacob. I expected that.

Why was I following him?

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't realize the door was already closed before I smashed my face in it, letting out a muffled, "Ouch."

Was I ever not going to be clumsy?

* * *

_(Jacob's POV)_

"Hey asshole," Autumn's hand shot out, stopping me on the porch, eyes murderous. This chick scared me.

"What?"

She ground her teeth together. "You forgot to greet a certain someone who just puked her guts out because of you, idiot."

"Bella?" My heart was pounding; the reaction that happens when you hear a name and your heart picks up speed, that old cliché? Yep, that's what I'm saying. I felt like a kid.

"Yeah." She crossed her arms. "While you were getting your kissy-face on with your girlfriend, Bella couldn't help but take a glimpse, and she couldn't keep her eyes off of you."

No. Oh no. She'd said she'd still had feelings for me. Shit. What had I done?

"She's a part of the wedding, officially, Jake. Leah asked her to be bridesmaid. She's going to be around more."

"I thought you liked Chimera?"

She glared at me. "I do."

I threw my arms out. "Then, what the fuck is the problem?"

"You're really fucking oblivious, you know that?" She laughed darkly. "Stop hurting her more." Her jaw clenched.

My lips curled. "What the hell…?"

She gave me a vicious, embittered look. "Stop asking me, and go speak with her." Before I did something I'd regret, I turned around and slunk inside the house. I hated fighting with Autumn. It was all we seemed to do lately, and had been doing for a while.

Five seconds after I shut the door behind me, thankful for the silence, I heard a gasp. I veered around at lightning speed, my eyes wide, and flung the door open to see Bella, standing in the doorway, hand around her nose, eyes watering with pain.

She looked beautiful. Lavender or pale purple, whatever it was, looked good to her. She was in a dress. When did Bella wear dresses to casual events? Not that I was complaining. It was just…she's all grown up now. And so was I, or at least I was getting there. Who'd have thought, right?

"I'm sorry," I choked, clutching her soft fingers. And she was so tiny; I thought I'd crack her wrists as I brought her inside and shut the door behind us. She might be bleeding. "Shit, Bella." _Too close_. I tenderly pulled her hands away. She smiled at me. Her nose and her face were fine, but swollen. I exhaled a deep breath I'd been holding, relieved as I maneuvered her to the bathroom and perched her on the sink. I didn't say a word as I soaked a wash cloth with cold water to make a compress, pressing it gently to her mouth. "I fucked up." I shook my head, losing myself in her chocolate brown eyes.

"Jake, I'm fine," she whispered, smiling weakly.

I patted the compress delicately and held her other hand, easing my grasp, afraid I might hurt her. I wasn't going to pull away. I had no reason not to touch her, except I wanted her, badly. I wanted to hold her, at the very least. This is what happens when you love two girls. I knew I was in love with Bella, but Chimera? I was confused about my feelings for her.

I cleared my throat and met her eyes again. "I promised I'd never hurt you."

She chuckled. "Jake, the door was closed for a good three or so seconds before I blindingly ran into it. I'm a klutz, remember?" Her eyes averted from mine, briefly, before darting back. "Jake, you haven't spoken to me since you got here." She placed her hand over mine to assist with the washcloth, not that I needed it. Small, super charged sparks shot through her fingertips as they glided over my fingers. I hadn't touched her like this in so long. And I was standing between her legs, and she was wearing a dress. I couldn't help but glance down at my fingers resting on her hand, situated on her thigh. Her dress was hiked up because of the position she was in and a great deal of her thigh peeked out from beneath the clothing. I slowly lifted my fingers, skimming them over the skin around her hands- smooth as silk, dark against light. And then my thoughts headed into forbidden territory as she inched her hand upward, and my own hand latched to hers unconsciously followed, against what I wanted.

Who was I kidding, I wanted to touch her. And she was shivering; I could feel tiny vibrations beneath my hand. I attempted to focus on firmly holding the compress against her face, where her other hand was intertwined with mine. Her hand, this hand inching dangerously up her thigh, was adorned with the bracelet I'd made for her before we'd ever been a couple.

The same one I saw her wearing the other day, when I finally paid enough attention to see that I was holding her hand. I'd almost panicked. In fact I had, below the surface. We were friends, and if we had stayed friends this would be easier. Much easier.

The second the fabric of her dress brushed against the top of my hand, I brought forth enough inner strength, going against my raging hormones, to strengthen my hold on her hand and prevent her from moving any further. She flinched and came back to the present.

All I wanted was to hold her close and tell her it would all be okay, that we would work this out. I wanted to tell her everything would be alright, even if things couldn't be great.

Her fingers around my wrist tightened and she assured with her eyes I could remove my hand. I did so and inspected her face; the swelling looked better.

"Payback, right?" She said, smirking. I narrowed my eyes, perturbed, and she rolled her eyes. "Don't you know my jokes, Black?" Her voice had a slight tremor to it that she was struggling to control. She punched my abs playfully, which resulted in neither one of our hands being connected. I snickered. Her fingers lingered, and the tips flitted over my stomach. Did she even know she was doing that? I knew she was. I sure as hell knew she was. Every part of me did, which would translate to, yeah, I was turned on. At least she wasn't pressed against me, like in the kitchen the day after her return.

I'd been mortified that day. I was a guy, yes, but how could I say I didn't want her any longer when my body was screaming at me to give in to my desires, and every part of me, mind included, kept reminding me of why I missed her so much?

My breathing stepped up a notch as her nimble fingers grazed over my flesh over and over again. My chest and stomach were rising and falling with every breath, in tune with her fingers.

Her eyes were watching her fingers now. I found that moments like these, with Bella, I forgot about Chimera, and that was not a good sign. I swallowed. "What joke?" My fingers encircled her thin wrists as I moved her hand away.

Now we weren't touching at all, although her swaying feet brushed against my calves. She met my eyes and smiled, shaking her head. "I broke my fist because I punched you, so it's only fair that I hurt something else and you hadn't tried anything."

I laughed. She blushed and I brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear that had strayed. I leaned down towards her. "You're funny, Swan." Her skin darkened, almost crimson now and I heard her heart drumming faster. _Ah, success._

She smiled and chewed on her lower lip. "I got it from you." Her hand circled my wrist and she slid it up to lie flat against her face.

Maybe, if I…

I was leaning in.

If I kissed her, maybe my feelings would go away…What shit was I telling myself now? Or maybe, my decision would be made…

She leaned in too, eyelashes fluttering as her eyes lowered to my lips.

_Don't do it, Jake._

_Once couldn't hurt._

My conscious was engaged in a war now.

One breath away.

What was I doing?

"Whoa! Esta ocupado?" Someone said in a horrible, fake Spanish accent. Simultaneously, Bella and I retracted away from each other.

I knew that voice.

I turned to face the source of the voice and exhaled. "Brian, what the fuck, man?" Bella and I exited the bathroom; the space seemed too small now.

This kid was Leah and Eric's final groomsman. Did I just call him a kid? He was, like, two years older than me. Brian had brown, styled haired, and dark blue eyes, and tanned skin. He was tall and he wore his signature leather jacket. Girls loved this guy.

I was grateful he interrupted that, whatever _that_ was. Because I would have let the 'devil' side of my conscious come to the surface. I would have taken her, against the counter.

I was sick of denying that my sexual attraction towards her or my attraction to her in general, had lessened.

Bella was significantly further away than me. I turned towards her, but she expertly avoided my gaze, her eyes to the floor. Brian was between us. Bella was flustered.

"Why the hell did you run off?" Leah marched into the house, door wide open, and her gaze was fixed on Brian.

"Bathroom, duh," Brian said, like she'd said the most ridiculous thing in the world. "I just completed a fucking three hour drive," he complained. I snorted.

"Well, before you do attend to business…" Leah dropped a hand on Bella's shoulder. Bella glanced at her, losing that glazed look in her eyes. Leah motioned to Brian. "This is your escort." Bella's eyes widened and she took him in. Brian smiled that mischievous, up-to-something grin he was known for.

I couldn't believe it.

This human being, normal as can be, was going to have Bella, my Bella, on his arm.

Wait…_my_? She wasn't mine.

I glared at him as he greeted Bella. She grinned widely, laughing, already succumbing to his charm and good looks. His hand drifted to her shoulder. I was seeing red. I couldn't hear his words.

An old feeling I hadn't experienced or felt in a long time resurrected itself…something I thought I was done with, because I'd snagged a hot, amazing girlfriend that only wanted me, and life was going great.

But then there's Bella and the 'red' wasn't a candle, it was fireworks- you know, the ones at the end of the show, that go off consecutively, and there's so much you can't possibly imagine how anybody could contain all of that?

And this problem…this emotion started with a 'j,' and contained seven letters.

I was jealous.

* * *

_(Bella's POV)_

Jacob stormed back outside, I mean, he literally sped out of the house almost too fast for me see. Leah, Brian and I followed.

Brian. Brian was not bad. Brian was very attractive and tall, and had a mysterious look about him. He looked so evil, but a good evil, the one you want to hang out with. You know, like vampires and werewolves? I would have so much fun with this guy.

The others were lined up for food and Brian stood by me as we squeezed into the line that coiled around the door frame and down the steps outside.

"So, uh, what the hell did I walk in on?" He smiled at me. I placed a hand on my hip and eyed him playfully. I couldn't answer, because I really didn't know what would have happened if Jake and I hadn't been interrupted. It excited me and terrified me all at the same time; it gave me a thrill. "Jacob doesn't like me very much."

"Really?" I said, shocked. "You guys know each other."

He tucked his hands in his pocket. "I don't know," he said sarcastically. I couldn't find words to properly describe his voice. He sounded like he was always looking for fun, or trouble, which sometimes went hand-in-hand. "He was shooting daggers at me through his eyes while we were talking."

I held back a delirious squeal. Jake couldn't be jealous, not with Chimera, whom was with him, walking away from the house, trays in hand, smiling and talking as his hand rested on her waist and he whispered in her ear. I felt nauseous, again. And he strolled past me without even a glance. Chimera waved and smiled though.

"Correct me if I'm wrong…" Brian leaned down, inches away from my face. "But," he watched them. I frowned. Why was Jake doing this? It was childish. Things were fine earlier. "He's so jealous," Brian snickered.

I stared at him, and shook my head vigorously. "Uh, no. Have you seen Chimera?" I faced him as we reached the tables inside the house and helped ourselves to food.

"Well, yeah, I noticed. She'd a knock out; she's hard to miss."

"Noticed what?" Leah urged from in front of us. Her arm looped through Eric's.

"How hot Chimera is," Brian said dully.

"Dude," Paul said from across the table, looking at us. "Your girlfriend is the replica of Carmen Electra. That's hot enough." Rachel elbowed him and glared. He raised his hands in surrender. I laughed.

Brian arched an eyebrow. "Do I sound like I'm complaining?"

"Okay now," Emily cut in, eyes moving between Paul and Brian. "Can you _men_ stop acting like boys for a few minutes? I think we've established that Chimera is attractive." Her lips curved upwards.

"Yes, mommy," Paul whined.

As we snuck back outside, Brian studied me. "You seem familiar to me."

I eyed him suspiciously. "How so?"

"I think you dated my brother."

I'd only dated a total of three guys…Edward, Jacob, and…I met his eyes. "You're related to Jeremy McLeod?" I said in disbelief.

Rachel patted a seat next to her, between her and Jared. Where was Kim? I took the seat and Brian sat beside me. I should earn points for being social…

"You sound surprised."

"You're not like him," I shook my head, smiling, before diving in for a bite. Why was food served on the reservation always so good? I guess it had to do with home cooking, or certain spices or recipes, or something. I couldn't help but steal a glance at Jacob at another table, glaring at Brian. He turned away, but his jaw was tight, knuckles to his mouth. You've got to be kidding me; he was envious. Now, I was more baffled than ever. He was listening to us, tense, and not paying any attention to what else was going on around him.

"Brian's like the younger, cooler, outspoken, funnier version of Jeremy," Autumn finished, smiling at me around her fork.

"True that." Brian winked at her. Embry tossed a napkin at him before laughing. "He talked about you frequently." Brian nudged me. "He said you were a hell of a girl, good looking too." I blushed and smiled. "And I do agree you look great in a dress." Jacob abruptly stood to his feet, likely pissed off.

I faced Brian. "D-Do…?" I started to say something but changed my mind. I smiled. Jacob was walking past us. "What about in a bikini? Did he say that?" Jake balled his hands into fists and strode away.

This was kind of fun. A few others around us at the table laughed as Brian gawked at me. "He must be keeping that to himself," he smirked. I peered over his shoulder. Jake was propped against the hood of his car, rubbing his temples, shoulders hunched. My good mood seeped out of my pores and I made the decision to join him. His car was parked in an area concealed by trees. I knew the pack would hear our conversation, if they were listening, which I hoped they weren't, although I didn't really care. His parking place did allow some privacy though. "What's wrong?" I asked innocently as I closed in on him.

"I can't believe Leah set you up with Brian."

"'Set me up'?" I quoted, rolling my eyes. "Jake, she's not setting me up. He's going to accompany me down the aisle at her wedding. That's it. Since, obviously I can't walk with you…ever," I finished, sadly. I was implying our wedding- us, in general, and he definitely caught on. His eyes darkened; he was thinking, hard, again. "I'm not attracted to him, Jake, like that," I said, as calmly as I could. "Not that it's any of your concern," I muttered angrily.

"Who's Jeremy?"

I cringed. "A guy I used to date."

He stood to his feet, burying his hands into his pockets, eyes never leaving me. "You never mentioned him."

"You don't talk about Chimera," I shot back. "So why should I talk about him when it's irrelevant?"

His expression shifted; he was torn and dismayed. "Jacob, why won't you tell me about her? I'm your friend, remember," I said, peeved for a moment.

"Same to you." He crossed his arms and leaned against the side of the car. "It's not really any of your business, Bella."

"Then Jeremy isn't either," I sighed. Silence stretched on between us. "Jacob, is it always going to be like this?" Our eyes met. "This…the two of us getting along one second and fighting the next?"

His lips thinned. "That's what happens between people who care about each other."

I smiled sadly. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I'm sorry."

"No, _I_ am sorry, but apologizing isn't getting us very far," he laughed quietly. "This reminds me of something, sort of." He half smiled.

"What?" I sat on the hood beside him, glancing up at him.

His cheeks darkened. "When we came back from Georgia and it was the first time you hung out with the pack and we were together."

Everything inside of me churned, wonderfully, and heated up considerably. Why was he always bringing back these memories? His eyes were still on me, boring into the side of my skull. "Well, we aren't together for one thing," I said, attempting to not let him know in my voice how badly I desired for that to not be the case. "And, you weren't glaring at me all through dinner and…I could go on." I eyed him impishly.

He smiled. _God…his smile_. "Jake, were you going to kiss me in the bathroom earlier?" I said, as quietly as I could.

He shifted beside me. I watched his expression carefully as he nervously wiped his face and gazed into the distance. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. His words were almost inaudible. "Yes, I was."

I couldn't speak. Did he really want me? Was it just sexual attraction, or was it romantic?

Suddenly, in front of us, closer to the house, Sam pulled up. He opened the back door and unstrapped two kids- one big boy and a tiny girl who he lifted into his arms.

"Oh my God." hopped off the car, in pursuit of Sam to greet him, after the others did. Emily kissed him, retrieving the girl from his arms and planting a sloppy kiss on the boy tugging at his father's pants legs.

Sam looked his age. I could see signs of actual aging in his face- a beard for one, and his muscles were softer. "Hey Sam," I said, looking up at him nervously.

He spun around. "Well hello, Bella," he said, bewildered. I smiled and hugged him awkwardly.

I knew the kids were the same age. The girl in Emily's arms wriggled around before being lowered to the ground. She was now hovering around her mother's feet, as the boy remained attached to his father's side. They were so beautiful- the dark skin, black silky hair. I felt Jacob's presence beside me as he shook Sam's hand. Standing next to Jacob, after years of not phasing, Sam didn't look so intimidating anymore. "Can I hold her?" I spit out, accidently. My voice was quaking.

"If she lets you," Jacob said. "She's picky." The little girl giggled in Jacob's direction before opening her arms towards me as I kneeled down in front of her. She said, "Hi," highlighted by a giggle.

"She's three, surprisingly," Sam explained as he picked up the boy.

"This is Naira," Emily said as I gently drew the girl into my arms. Her pudgy, cherubic face gazed up at me like I was something extraordinary and she toyed with the necklace I wore, the one with Autumn's pendant. "And this big man right here…" Emily brushed back the locks of the boy in Sam's arms."Is Levi."

"Is he…?" I glanced between the two of them.

Jake was still there. "Yeah," he scratched his head. "It's likely he'll turn by the time he's 14 or so…into one of us." I met his eyes, and could see the misery in them as a result of the images of more descendents going through such a confusing, painful, usually inevitable, change of morphing into an oversized wolf.

With Levi in his arms, Sam went to speak with the others. I was never fond of kids, and I felt like I was doing something wrong as I gripped Naira's hand. "She likes you," Emily said, laying a hand on my shoulder before she walked away.

Too think at one time I used to be this small, this young, almost 20 years ago. Where had the time gone?

I shifted her nervously in my arms as her heels dug into my sides. She had an adorable smile, one of those disgustingly cute ones you can't ignore. "What's your name?" She asked.

"Bella," I chuckled. I'd never held a toddler before, or a baby. As an only child, I never had siblings. I'd never really thought much about if I'd even wanted kids, but scooping her into my arms and allowing her to play with my jewelry, holding a body I was capable of carrying easily in my arms, I figured, I could do this, someday.

"Are you a princess?"

I snapped out of my reverie. "No." I smiled. "That's Belle. I'm Bell-a. I'm…normal."

Her angelic features crinkled in confusion. "But, you look like her, the pretty girl from _Beauty and the Beast_. That's my favorite movie. You're really pretty, like her."

Something about what she said upset me, and my eyes became misty with tears. "Belle and the Beast had a happy ending. Those are hard to find. I lost my beast," I said gloomily, forcing a smile for her benefit. I looked up on instinct and met Jacob's gaze; he was watching us from a few yards away. There was a look of longing I'd never seen from him, ever, on his face.

"He'll come back," she said, sticking her thumb in her mouth, as clueless and innocent as I wished I could be. She became fidgety as Jacob walked closer.

"Jacob, what's the matter?" I said, quietly. Jacob's hand wrapped around Naira's and he slid his finger across the top of my hand, looking into my eyes.

"You're going to be a great mother someday." He smiled at Naira and squeezed my hand before returning to the 'party.'

And the haunting visions of black haired children with chocolate brown eyes and russet skin swam around in my head, and I allowed my tears to stream down my face, just this once.

This is what I could have had, where I could have been: I'd have a husband…Jacob…and children, with Jacob. Now I understood what he'd been thinking as he watched me- this was a glimpse of the life we'd lost together.

* * *

_Bella's apartment_

_Later that night_

Today had been a success and a failure. The girls and I were back on track, although I wasn't sure about Rachel; But, Rachel was Jacob's sister, therefore it was reasonable. Why though? She knew I hadn't left because I wanted to. Far from it; I didn't want to, I _had_ to…at the time.

Half the pack greeted me and talked to me, or at least put in a few nice words, and the other half avoided me.

Sue had been there, with no sign of Charlie and Billy, and only acknowledged me with a nod.

And Jacob had tried to kiss me, before being interrupted by my 'escort,' my very attractive escort, who Jacob had been instantly jealous of once he heard Leah's news. Jacob. Jealous. Over me. And he admitted to the 'almost-kiss.'

All after I'd had to witness Chimera sticking her tongue down Jacob's throat. The taste of bile developed in the back of my throat and another weight settled in my heart. I brushed my hair out of my face and headed to my freezer. I need to consult my two soul mates, Ben and Jerry; ice cream sounded delicious. I retrieved a spoon and selected a pint sized container of Chocolate Fudge Brownie, my flavor of the night. Returning to the couch I sunk into the cushions, reaching for the book I was reading. I'd showered and was in my pajama pants and a t-shirt.

And on top of everything Autumn had said Chimera didn't have a clue Jacob and I had actually been together, or that we had actually slept together. So what she was doing wasn't an act or some type of revenge.

Why was I accusing her? I was angry, obviously, but I couldn't blame her or him. I had to blame myself. I was the one who left. I lost him. That's the way it was.

It's funny how I'd told Edward before I left Forks to quit blaming himself for what happened in Italy with the Volturi. I had blamed myselfin that situation, and I had to stop that.

But, maybe Chimera did though; maybe she had ulterior motives. She was related to Julius, who didn't really like me, or anyone, really. Sure, he was good to Carmen, loyal to his pack, but anyone else? He didhave a tendency to be annoying and a perverted jerk, but he should have at least said hello. I knew some day I'd like him; accept he was always going to be...him.

Someone knocked on the door. Thinking it was Ashley, Kyle, or Angela, I answered it.

"What are you doing here?" I gritted my teeth. What the hell would Julius want with me? He was leaning against my doorframe, with that smug, familiar smile he always wore. He was dressed too nice for the standards of what a werewolf running around would usually wear. In fact, he alwaysdressed up. He had money.

"Is that a way to greet an old friend?" He said, in a low, raspy voice he'd perfectly acquired. I glared at him and crossed my arms. "Are you going to invite me in?" He smirked. "Or do I need to invite myself?" And he did, like he owned the place.

I shook my head and slammed the door. "What do you want?"

He slowly turned to me and grinned before he sat at the bar and propped his feet on the counter. "Why are you so testy?" He watched me as I stood on the side opposite him. "You're like Brooke, or Carmen…a little firecracker." He rested his arms against the countertop, eyes on mine.

"Yeah," I growled. "I bet you like that." I rolled my eyes and opened the fridge. "Do you want a drink?" I said, impolitely.

"Why thank you," he said, sarcastically. "Adding to the romantic setting?" He inquired, suggestively.

I shut the fridge and popped open the wine bottle, roughly grabbing two shot glasses. "You wish."

"I know how you are when you're drunk…" He winked over his glass.

If looks could kill he should've dropped dead then and there. I poured a shot, and shoved the bottle his way. "One isn't a big deal and there is no way I'm making that mistake again. You are the last person I would ever sleep with," I said, leaning forward as he continued smiling, mouth closed.

"Yeah, because you're the perfect little angel," he sneered.

My eyes narrowed. "Don't even start."

"What are you doing?"

"What?" I said, confused.

He smiled mockingly. "Trying to win him back?"

My face heated with fury. "Is that what you came here for? To tell me I'm making a mistake?"

He shrugged. "I guess you could say that." His eyes darted to mine again. "But, mainly my sister."

I looked away. "I should have known that she would be in the conversation."

He cut me off. "Don't think she's oblivious as she may seem. She's smart," his voice was almost sinister. "Very smart."

I sighed, frustrated. "About what? That Jacob and I were actually together? She doesn't know, Autumn claims, and Chimera would have said something." Was he implying that she did know? "Why does it matter if she does or doesn't?" I was irritated.

"Jacob has a habit of keeping his mouth shut when it comes to you and his relationship finding its way into their conversations," he said, darkly. "That doesn't mean she doesn't catch on or …" He smiled. "Fill in the blanks and pauses. Don't take her as a fool."

I was trying to not pry or let him know I wanted him to continue, but I'd forgotten I was so transparent. "I never said she was. And if she does know, she doesn't seem bothered by it and we never discuss it." Maybe I'd win this argument.

His condescending expression was a dead give-away and I knew he was far from done. He was still smirking, eyes set on me. "Keep telling yourself that"

Maybe I could get information out of him by loosening him up. Then I remembered Julius had a fairly high tolerance. "What is she to him?" I gritted my teeth angrily. There was hardly an inch between us.

His calm composure did not falter. He was absurdly relaxed. "Why don't you ask him that?" I recoiled, fuming. "Ah," he chuckled, resting his hands behind his head and reclining. "He hasn't told you?"

"We don't talk about her, obviously." I was furious and he was as calm as when he came in, fueling my anger.

"Maybe you should." The _asshole_ poured another glass. "What is obvious is that your best friend has kept you in the dark about certain facts." His head angled towards me.

"What are you talking about? Autumn?"

"No," he drew out. "Jacob." I sealed my mouth shut. "Why don't you ask him about it, you could probably 'pump' it out of him." He winked.

I scowled. "You filthy pervert."

"I'm just kidding." He didn't sound offended, but there was a slight pitch in his voice. "You know what this reminds me of?" He said, twirling the glass in his hands so its contents swished around.

"You need to leave now."

He continued on, pretending he hadn't heard me. "_You_. When you were deciding between Edward and Jacob, but look whose Jacob now?" He teased, cruelly.

"For your information, I chose Jacob. So if you're saying I'm him and he's…"

He nodded his head. "You…"

I rolled my eyes. "We will be together." I snatched the bottle and stored it away.

"Do you really think so?"

I faced him again, daring him to challenge me. He stood up and approached me. "What if you had stayed at the wedding, and gone through with it. Then you'd be turned," he explained, gesturing with his hands. "And who the hell knows what would have happened to Jacob? Two different choices, Bella." He bent down to be level with my eyes. I did not crack even the faintest smile. "Two alternate endings and only he will be the one to make the decision. You can try all you want, but if my sister gets hurt…" He let his threat hang in the air. "Though I doubt that would happen…"

Livid tears obscured my vision. "Why are you so sure she'll win?"

"Because, I just am," he said vaguely, heading to the door.

I followed. "And for your information, I'm friends with her, and him." The second part was said rather weakly, but I continued, "Edward and Jacob hated each other."

He gripped the doorknob and paused. "Oh sweetie," he said condescendingly. "Don't you know already? You're going to hate her eventually and she's going to hate you, even if it's temporary."

"I don't believe that."

"We'll see." He backed away. "Raise your white flag, Bella, you're a little late. You've lost." He walked away.

I ran after him. "How can you be so sure?" I reiterated. He faced me and smirked.

"Ask Jacob and her, separately to tell you the story about when they met and when they re-met. I suggest, for the 're-meeting' scenario, you ask for his point of view. And demand the truth."

He was confusing the hell out of me and I was losing the steam I'd developed when he first barged through my door, unwelcome. "Look, Julius, I get that she's your sister, but is it really necessary to try and bring me down and force me into quitting?"

"I'm not trying to bring you down. Believe it or not, Swan, I do give a shit about you, and I know Jacob cares way more than that about you and I know he still has feelings for you, more than he should."

I relaxed a fraction. "How do you know if he'll answer me if I ask him? He hasn't said he loves me, although it seems like that's the message I'm getting."

He didn't say anything for a minute then slowly retreated. "Chimera isn't as nice or as friendly as she appears to be. It _is_ who she is, but there are sides of her you don't want to see, ever." He didn't answer my question. "She loves him, as much as you do."

"I'm going to fight for him. I already am. I decided that the moment I saw him again."

"Okay." He shrugged and concealed his emotions again, putting his 'mask' back on. I'd likely never see him show these types of emotions, like he cared or he was upset, again. "Don't say I didn't warn you." With that, he spun around and fled down the stairs, leaving me standing in the hallway, consumed with my thoughts.

I had to get to the bottom of this.

Step number 6? I'd lost count now: Get Jacob alone, again, somewhere quiet. Somewhere intimate. And if I couldn't get an answer then, without forcing it, I was kicking things up a notch.

Julius may have been a mean, and deceiving (or so it seemed) person, but he knew better than to lie. And he knew Chimera.

All I knew was it was time to let Jacob know how I felt for him, and honestly tell him I was still in love with him, and then I'd work from there and figure out all that Julius has said, and then answers my questions. The thought alone made me more afraid than I'd ever been in my life; the idea of not knowing what's next, expecting a surprise, anger, and…heartbreak.

_Surely not the best.._

_(I know you're feeling like you're lost)_

_Colors that you shine.._

_(but you should know these colors that you're shining are)_

_Surely not the best.._

_(I know you're feeling like you're lost you feel you`ve drifted way too far)_

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(A/N: I've started adding teasers for new chapters on my BlogSpot; check me out there if you want a sneak peak of upcoming chapters before I post them. Also, Bella and Chimera's dresses/outfit, a character graphic for Brian and banners for each chapter are in my photo bucket account/Jacob-Black-n-Pack group for this story, all linked in my profile! I imagine Ian Somerhalder as Brian. And yes, you can blame the _Vampire Diaries_ TV show for that decision. He is _fucking beautiful_.)


	27. Alone

Disclaimer: Lyrics: Happy- Saving Jane and Find a Way- SafetySuit

(A/N: Thanks for the reviews, faves, and alerts! Congrats to **karlly** for being my _600__th_review! The first section of this chapter was inspired by my favorite scene in the _New Moon_ movie, and probably the book as well; it shouldn't be too hard to figure out…and it's not the almost-kiss =))

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**Chapter 25: Alone**

_Hold on, what's the rush, what's the rush we're not done are we_

_Cause I don't need to change this atmosphere we've made if_

_You can stay one more hour, can you stay one more hour_

_Late November_

_Bella's Apartment_

_(Bella's POV)_

I felt like I'd planned a sexy, secret tryst with Jacob.

It was after 9 and I'd convinced Angela, Kyle, and Ashley to stay out late, without providing a reason. Today was a Saturday, and we'd spent the whole day lounging around, so it wasn't very difficult to get them out of the house. At least Kyle and Ashley were amped to do something, happily, like go clubbing. Not that there were many clubs to go to. I could only think of one. Yeah, _that _one, where I let loose for the first time and danced like a slut, like a normal girl out with her friends would.

Angela wasn't as easily convinced. She gave me a disconcerting, curious look that I returned with smile, before she was squeezed into a purple mini-dress by Ashley and dragged out alongside them. So, I was going to be alone, for the next few hours…with Jacob.

And I felt terrified, sexy, shy, happy, and turned on over the idea. Not that I would initiate anything. I would behave. Until the paper thin line of sexual tension between us finally ripped and my body took over my mind. When that would be, I didn't have a clue.

I did what a girl would do before she saw the man she loved- I dressed up, happy not to be too 'obvious,' since it was after 9 pm, and I hadn't gone clubbing with my friends. He would see right through me.

So, I tried, but went for the 'No, I'm not desperate' look, how I kind of wasn't, not after Jacob's jealous reactions the other day and our intimate moment in the bathroom.

I'd been embarrassed at first that my determination and 'almost blindness' had sent me colliding with a door, until Jake's caring nature surfaced and he led me to the bathroom, fixing my wounds, like he always did- fix my wounds and fix my heart, which he was well experienced with. The position we'd been in was…let's just say if someone walked in on us they'd get the wrong impression…er, the right one…like, Brian. And there was hand holding, and it was such a common gesture between Jake and I that it made my insides erupt with happiness at the normalcy and familiarity of it.

And then there was touching. My hands had absentmindedly glided over his stomach and then when I'd realized what I was doing, I was concentrating on what my fingerswas doing- the feel of his skin, the firmness beneath it, the curves. I'd let my mind get away from me. When I was with Jake, neither one of us fully comprehends the fact that we're touching each other in places we shouldn't. His fingers had brushed against my thigh and my hormones had taken charge when I knew what was going on and I'd inched his hand up to my inner thigh, before he'd pulled away, thankfully, or not, I hadn't decided yet. And he'd almost kissed me, confirming my suspicions that maybe he was still in love with me, and he wasattracted to me, that I knew.

And here I was inviting him to my apartment, inside _my home_.

I chose a plain brown tank top and my pajama bottoms instead, changing out of what I'd originally selected- jeans and a low cut top, forgetting the makeup. I'd showered and blow dried my hair. I would be too blatant if I dressed up. But, was I underdressed? I guess not, since he'd likely strut in here with his shirt off.

Oh. I'd been pacing the perimeter of my apartment and had stopped at the foot of my bed, falling onto it face down. "Shit." Where was that vibrator Ashley had bought me as a gag gift when I needed it? Not, that I'd ever used it, I would never…I mean, that's disgusting…why would I even…?

Fine. Let the higher being above judge me. I hadn't had sex in years, I'd needed something. If I'd never had sex with him, I'd have been fine and would likely not have a need for such a thing…maybe…I don't know.

Just kidding. I wasn't going to search for that thing now, not that it ever really helped. I mean how can you compare plastic to the real thing…?

I'm shutting up now.

I wallowed in my misery on my bed, watching the clock closely as it ticked on- 9:46. He'd said he'd be here around 10. It'd been interesting asking him to come over. I'd said 'we need to talk,' and he quickly said he'd stop by after Chimera went to work.

He was sneaking around. I'd felt like crap, but I didn't have the heart or the guts to say 'I don't want to see you,' because that would be a big fucking lie_._ Plus, I needed to talk to him soon, or I wouldn't.

The knock that came from my ceiling-to-floor window in front of my bed caused me to rapidly jump up, sliding against the head of the bed, and practically scream bloody murder.

"Relax," Jacob said from the other side of the glass, voice muffled. "It's me."

I let out a long sigh, heart pounding from the rush of fear I'd experienced. _Calm down, calm down_. I stood shakily to me feet, not scared anymore, but nervous that he was here; I was afraid for an entirely different reason. What would I say? I slid the door open and found him cloaked in the black night, skin illuminated from the stars glittering overhead. Beautiful_._ He grinned. "Hey."

"You scared me." I was breathless as I spoke, and I moved aside to let him in.

"I know," he chuckled. He was in _my bedroom_.

And that _tease_ would go shirtless. And his back was to me.

I ogled his form, salivating, as I watched him move around. "Are you okay?" He met my eyes as he angled his head towards me.

I shook my head, closing my mouth. "Yeah, why?"

He smirked. "Nothing." I closed the door, shivering as a cold breeze rushed in and turned to face him again. "I tried the door," he said, staring at his feet as he kicked a shoebox Ashley had left in my room under a chair a few feet away. "It was locked." His eyes rose to meet mine. I kept my distance. "So, I went for the window instead." He walked closer to me. I laughed, loudly. "What?" He smiled widely. The Jacob smile. Good to know that still remained.

I blushed and shuffled closer to him. "I have a track record with mythical creatures climbing though my window." I smiled. I lowered my eyes to my feet, bashful, probably because my bed was two feet away from us.

I took a deep breath, willing my inappropriate thoughts away. "Edward did every night when we were together, and before that even, and you did quite a few times…and Autumn and Embry did in New York."

"I'm going to say it has to with the abilities- jumping high, using them to show off, the adrenaline rush; it's fun." I snorted at his words. Another silence passed, where Jacob moved to sit on the foot of my bed. I played my smart card and kept standing, for now. "What'd you want to talk to me about?"

"I-I…We couldn't have done it over the phone."

"You wanted to see me and talk to me, therefore I came here." His eyes drifted around the room. "And it's very nice."

I smiled. I was relieved he wasn't offended that I'd wanted him to come over. "Yeah it is. It's phenomenal. The bed is huge." I bit my lip and ducked my head as he laughed. He always did this- he made me say things I shouldn't. I was nervous, so of course I'd say stuff like that. "That was…not something I should have said." I opened my eyes to see him staring at me with a goofy grin on his face. I blushed for the thousandth time that night and concentrated on the space beside him to banish more sinful thoughts, ones that involved the two of us in that bed, doing…things. One thing to be precise.

"It is a nice bed." He patted the comforter. "Very soft and cushiony…and king sized." He was trying not to laugh, and he was blushing as well.

I giggled, coughing to cover it up, but was too late. His head whipped around and I could see both sets of his teeth bared in a huge grin. "Don't say another word," I warned. He reclined, resting his weight on his elbows.

Oh, thatwas a very enticing position. What the fuck Jacob, _what the fuck_? What was that called? An 'unintentional come-hither' position?

I sat on the bed beside him, perched on the edge and close enough to him that I could feel the heat radiating off his body. I had to get the burning questions off my chest, so I began. "Why did Chimera move to the Reservation?" He tensed and shifted uncomfortably; he obviously didn't want to talk about this. But, I wasn't going to have that.

He laughed nervously. "Julius…he brought her."

I rolled my eyes. "I know that. _Why_ did she move to the Res?"

Jake shifted from one arm to the next before he sat up. "She was in jail."

"DUI, driving without a license, and breaking and entering? She told me." I twiddled my thumbs, avoiding his gaze.

"No. This was…right before she came here. She was in for two nights. The other times, she never went to prison. She paid and got out a few hours later, never having to go behind bars. She was caught at the scene of the crime. Her 'boss,' at the time, Ricardo, had a double life. He ran the adult magazine company she started with, and he was also a drug dealer- a mob boss, basically. She walked in after a drug deal had gone wrong. He was dead and the killer had escaped before the police arrived."

This was…something else…and it was entirely different from what I'd imagined. "I thought she modeled for Victoria's Secret?"

He looked angry almost. "She did. This was before. Anyways…" His hands were at his sides, and his legs were stretched in front of him on the floor. I drew my knees to my chest and kept my eyes on him, which wasn't difficult to do. "They eventually captured the killer and she was dropped of all charges. Julius and Carmen had been in India at the time; they'd been going around the world or some shit."

I half-smiled despite the seriousness of the conversation. "Autumn mentioned that."

Jacob gave me a small smile. "So…he picked her up, told her she wasn't going back to the shit hole she was in, and because she had nowhere else to go, he brought her to the Res and… that's that."

"Wow," I gasped. "What was her 'boss' like?"

"The guy was a filthy pervert. She worked for him for years," he spat angrily. "He took in little girls, not much more than 15, Chimera being one of the older ones, not even legal, and trained them for his 'business.' That shit was underground. The magazine company was out in the open though. She was his favorite…and she hated what he did to her, but she didn't have anything else. The stuff he did to those girls…" He cracked his knuckles furiously.

"I didn't know."

"When she came back, it was like she'd never experienced that stuff- watching a murder, being an 'almost-prostitute,' posing nude for money. She was…strong. And just what I needed at the time. She wasn't like when I first met her," he cut off abruptly. "Shit."

I gritted my teeth. "You met her before…when?"

"It doesn't matter anymore, Bella. I gave you that much."

I stood to my feet. "Really?" My voice rose against my wishes.

"Bells, come on, it's enough for the night." He reached for my hand and stood up, clutching it tightly.

I instantly relaxed and my pent up anger diffused as soon I was in contact with the heat, and the comforting feel of his hand. "Alright you get a free ride, for tonight." His eyes widened and his cheeks darkened. "Jake!" I pulled away. "Oh, God, no. I…I didn't bring you here to sleep with me, you know what I meant."

"I know." He looked away way too quickly to be serious about what he'd said.

And awkward silence passed and I mentally beat myself up. We were a few feet apart, on opposite sides of the bed. I settled for gaining back the non-awkwardness. "Jake, why does half the pack hate me?"

He walked briskly forward and placed his hands on my arms. Skin on skin contact. "They don't. They…Bella they know why you left, I made sure of it. But, it's been so long. Don't you get it? You have to understand that." He released me and I breathed a sigh of relief the second his hands left mine. I loved it when he touched me, anyway and any time, I just could not let him get too close when this was the most intimate setting we'd been in since before I'd left. "You came back unexpectedly. It surprised all of us. Four years is a lot of time to make up for."

"I know," I whispered. And I wasn't referring to the pack. I was thinking of the time him and I had lost together. "Julius sure as hell made it clear he wasn't too happy to see me."

Jacob sighed, aggravated. He placed his hands on his head. What to look at? His arms wouldn't be a good idea, not in that position. So I kept my eyes on his face as he gazed at the ceiling. "I was so pissed off at him for that. He told you shit that he doesn't know about, or doesn't understand." His hands lowered to his sides.

"Or did he say things he shouldn't have said?"

His eyes darted to mine, alarmed. "What?"

"Nothing. Forget it." I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Don't let him get to you, or force you to believe things you aren't sure about. He's a dick, but he's not evil. He says shit sometimes just to…I don't even know what he said, all I picked up on was that whatever he'd said hurt you." His eyes lowered to mine. "This is hurting you isn't it," he said sadly, inching towards me.

I wanted to shout, 'No, I'm fine,' but my instincts told me not to. My eyes wandered to his feet; he was right in front of me. I brushed a strand of hair out of my face and titled my head away, shrugging. "Yeah…" Then something happened; another surge of strong emotions swept through me and I blurted out, "It's killing me." I bit my tongue to hide the tears. "This…you and her…it's killing me."

Dozens of emotions, ranging between pity and sadness, flashed though his eyes. "What do you want me to do about it?"

Did he not understand that he was the one that was figuratively killing me? Being so damn close, yet so fucking far that I can't touch him without feeling like I've committed one of the seven sins? That I can't have him? _Now or never._ I sucked in a gulp of air and straightened my shoulders. "Jake, this, 'us,' wasn't over for me. I thought, coming back, I'd have you again, but now it's too late!"

He stared at me for several seconds. "Is this what this is all about?" He was shocked. "You want me back." It wasn't a question; it was a statement.

"Like I could make it any more obvious!" I clutched my forehead as I backed away from him. I had to be away from him. The tide had swelled. I wouldn't stop now. "Going out of my way to get close to you? Calling you and asking you to come see me late in the night? Finding every opportunity to be alone with you? Forcing myself to watch you with someone else?"

"Bella, I…we can't," his voice squeaked slightly; he was borderline upset. And there were tears in his eyes. Real tears. A man, more than a foot taller than me and more than twice as heavy, had tears in his eyes.

"Why not? Because of Chimera? Or something else?"

"Bella, I do have feelings for her."

I glared, swallowing back my tears. "Do you love her?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"One that require a simple yes or no answer. One syllable."

"Yes, I do. I care deeply for her." He approached me again.

I scoffed, backing away from him with each step he took towards me. "Are you in love with her?" I couldn't stop.

"I-I…" He sealed his mouth shut and his jaw clenched. "No," he said, emotionless.

My features softened. "But…Huh? I thought…" I wrenched out. "Do you still love me?"

He turned his head to the side and ran his fingers along my bedspread, expression unreadable. "You're my friend. Of course I do."

My heart froze. _Friend_. "Jacob, you know as damn well as I do that that is not what I meant."

He was silent for a moment, staring at me. "I'm not going to answer that." And for the first time since I returned I honestly believed he was in denial, but he'd never admit it. A sob clawed at the back of my throat. "Why are you so upset?" He faced me. "What about that Jeremy guy?" I could hear the jealously trickling through.

"I dated Jeremy for two years before I couldn't do it anymore because I never really loved him…not enough." It was a soft echo in the room.

"How serious was it?" He demanded, walking closer to me. I didn't move this time. How could our moods change this much when we were around each other?

"It…wasn't."

"Was he a Saturday night hookup or something?" There was that temper I hated.

"No! I'm not like that, Jacob!" I was highly offended that he would ever accuse me of such a thing.

"Did you love him?" He threw my question back at me.

"No, not like that. I wish I did…or I had."

"Do you love me?"

My eyes shot to his. He looked innocent and guilty, all at the same time. Why did it even matter? I couldn't keep quiet any longer."Yes," I said and the tears I'd done such a damn good job of controlling since I returned started to fall. His eyes reflected all the emotions I was able understand, yet I couldn't pick up any particular one. My lips quivered. He'd hate me after this; he'd never speak to me again. Or would he? He'd walk right out the door. But I tossed those fears aside, hastily burying them, and released what I'd held inside for so long. "Jake, I never stopped loving you. You want to know the truth?" I stepped forward so we were just a few feet away, maintaining eye contact. "I still love you as much as I did before I left. And, because I wasn't over you, I was unable to fall in love with anyone us. God damn you, Jacob Black, four years later, and I'm still in love with you. And I hate it." The words were out now. I waited for his response, and dreaded it.

He was lost in thought, and his eyes were terrified, but they never broke from my gaze. In a split second, he reached out and his hand clasped my upper arm as he pulled me into an embrace, my body flush against his as he held me tightly to his chest. His hands were wrapped around my waist as my arms looped to his back and I buried my face into his chest, crying freely now. "I shouldn't have said that." His head dropped to my shoulder and I was enveloped entirely with heat. His stomach was against mine and even through the layers of fabric it set me off inside and out. I heard his breathing change- a sign he was holding back…tears? Words? Something else? I dropped my head to the space between his chest and collarbone. "I'm sorry." He squeezed me tightly, arms and hands flitting all over my back. "You shouldn't have to see me with her."

I shook my head, sniffling, wiping my tears against his skin. I didn't want to let go. "If I had just stayed…"

"Shhh…" He squeezed me impossibly tighter without suffocating me and leaned back just enough so our foreheads were touching as he bent his head down, hands dragging across my back, leaving a blazing trail of fire, and resting on my sides. "That's in the past. There's nothing we can do." I leaned against his chest as his head rested on top of mine.

He didn't tell me he loved me. And for the first time in my life, I knew what unrequited love felt like…what Jacob had felt like before I'd realized I'd been in love with him all along.

But Jacob Black was a man of actions, not words. His reaction to what I'd said, bringing me into his arms and not letting go, was a huge sign, or so I hoped.

Not thinking, I deposited a feather-like kiss against his right pectoral before releasing myself from his arms. One second of my lips coming in contact with skin, one moment of feeling his skin beneath my mouth. He'd gasped, almost too quietly for me to hear, and a barely detectable shiver coursed through him at my touch. I turned away, rubbing my arms. "You can leave now, if you want." _If you're sick of me. If this is too much_. He had to be uncomfortable with my confession and he had to be dying to get away from me.

"Do you want me to leave?"

I veered around and met his eyes. "No."

"Then I won't.

"But…Chimera…"

At that moment his cell phone went off. He retrieved it. "What do you know?" He smiled, sadly, before showing me the screen. 'Chimera' was calling. He answered and I turned away to give him some privacy, humiliated. Maybe I shouldn't have said that. Had that been a pity hug? No, that wasn't- that was a 'Jacob hug'- one of the rarest ones a person could receive. His arm reached out and latched onto my wrist. I was startled, unable to react accordingly, so he gave a slight tug and I followed. "Chimera." He grinned

I heard another voice through the phone- she was almost yelling- and there was music blaring in the background and numerous voices, as well as the clinking of glasses. I could hear her clearly though. "Hey, Jacob, darling," she cooed, chuckling.

"What's going on?" He was smiling again. He liked hearing her voice. And more hope slipped out the metaphorical window.

"Cliff is making me close the bar tonight. I won't be getting off until after three, so I'm going to crash at Julius and Carmen's place for the night because they're closer."

Jacob glanced at me. Was this happening? Was I interpreting this correctly? Was he going to spend the night? I could hardly contain my sudden burst of happiness. "Oh, uh, so I'll see you when you finally wake up tomorrow?"

She laughed. "I'll probably be back at the house around one tomorrow afternoon. You're on your own. Think you can handle breakfast?

He chuckled. "Do you even know who you're talking to?"

"Very funny, Black. You need to work on your cooking skills, hon. I'll see you then?"

"Yeah."

"I love you." I cringed.

"You too," he said, and my stomach churned. He clicked off his phone and tossed it on the bedspread. "Guess I don't have to lie." He released his grip on me. "Where do you want me to stay?"

"With me," I said, shyly, eyes to my bed.

"Bella, honey, I'm not sure that's a good idea." He backed away.

"Jake." I pulled back the sheets. "It's a king sized bed. My body takes up about a third of it, okay?"

"Bella…"

"Jake, I want you to hold me." I moved to the side opposite him and kept my eyes focused on his. "Stay." I patted the bed. Déjà vu.

He hesitated before crawling into the bed, sitting up, back against the headboard, as far away from me as his large frame could allow. He looked nervous as hell, like me.

I turned to my dresser, standing to my feet and searched for my pajamas. I began to take off my tank top. "Bella," he said, firmly. "Don't…seriously."

"Jacob. You've seen me naked before. Taking off my shirt isn't a big deal. Think of it as a bikini."

"Yeah, I know." His voice was shaking. "It's… "

I ignored him and pulled off the shirt, reaching for my snug pajama top, and slipping off my sweatpants, thankful I'd settled for bikini-styled underwear and not a thong. I reached for my pajama shorts, well aware I was blushing from head to toe because I could feel his eyes on me the whole time. He wasn't trying to look away. I felt exposed. It'd been a while since I'd felt like this. He'd taken in a sharp breath at the breath glimpse of me in just my underwear. I slipped on the pajamas and expertly undid my bra clasp beneath the shirt, a trick Lindsay, from college, taught me. I could hear Jake's breathing pattern change again and a rustling of covers. I applauded my success, knowing he was uncomfortable for entirely different reasons other than the nervousness we both felt.

I whirled around and his head was in his hands, hunched over, and his chest rising and falling. He looked up as I slid beneath the covers, moving closer to him, butterflies, and all things with wings rocketing through my stomach. I bravely scooted closer to the center of the bed, "Jake, I'm not going to do anything." I eyed him and he glanced at me from the corner of his eye. He took a deep breath and rolled onto his side to face me.

"It's not you I'm worried about," he said, huskily. I tried to ignore the sudden temperature increase in the room and forced my thighs to not rub against one another. Yet, he did shift closer and wrapped an arm around my waist and lower back, pulling me too him. I was lying down, pressed against his chest, and his other hand was underneath the pillow he was resting on. The night wasn't so cold or empty anymore. I had my soft, man-wolf, space heater back. I only dragged the sheet up; I wouldn't need any more covers.

We looked at each other, side by side, face to face. "How hard is this for you?" I slid a finger down his chest as he pulled me closer.

"You have no idea…" He breathed deeply as his hand skimmed down my arm. "…how hard it is to control myself right now."

A thrilling shiver went down my spine, and I moaned in the back of my throat. And I hadn't even been implying _that_. I did the unthinkable and shifted to lay my head down, accidently brushing my thigh against his crotch, feeling a bulge for the slightest second. It felt so good to be wanted again by him, even if I 'couldn't touch.' "I think I have an idea," I breathed, heart thumping in my ears. "But all I want is your arms around me. I know we're not together, Jake. You're with someone and you love her, and even if you haven't said it, I still think you love me…like that. Like before. Like you did for years. You're trying to conceal it and keep it locked away…it's there in _that_ place you love me… like I love you." He almost said something, but for a reason I didn't even know how to explain, I cut him off, placing a finger to his mouth- the first time I'd touched his lips. I refrained from sliding my finger over them. "Don't say anything. Friends spend the night together and share beds all the time. "

"Not friends that are on the verge of giving in and ripping each other's clothes off," he said, hoarsely. _My_ Jacob was back- the one that didn't keep his words censored.

I hadn't heard that voice in so long. Warmth pooled to my thighs. "Jake, you're sexually attracted to me and even if I still love you, I would never jeopardize what you have with her." I couldn't even say her name.

He shook his head slowly. "Bella if you had come back, even two and a half years ago…"

"I know…I know…" Even though I didn't. Everyone kept saying that. I ducked my head down and closed my eyes, curling my hand into his chest. "Just sleep."

He nodded into my hair and relaxed, tightening his hold around me after turning off the lamp so we were engulfed in darkness.

And for the first time in years, I felt like thiswas where I belonged. One moment to escape from reality, one moment for me to be back into his arms. I drifted off to his heartbeat echoing in my ear.

"I don't do this, you know," he whispered. "Cuddle."

"What are you talking about, of course you do…" I muttered sleepily, keeping my eyes shut.

"I meant I don't cuddle with Chimera…I don't hold her like this, like I hold you."

I was so far gone that I assumed Jacob's last words were a dream or a cruel play on my imagination.

I'd been wrong.

_You know I'm gonna find a way to let you have your way with me_

_You know I'm gonna find a time to catch your hand and make you stay_

* * *

_The next morning_

_(Jacob's POV)_

The first thing I noticed when I opened my eyes was a head of thick, brown hair and a lithe, petite body, definitely not my girlfriend's, wrapped around me- arm looped around my back, head on my chest, other hand pressed against my side, ankle draped over mine and a face nestled against my skin, complete with a frigid button nose and a heart-shaped mouth exhaling air against my right pectoral.

Bella was in my arms. Literally.

Last night came rushing back to me. Nothing had happened, but a lot _had_, in the form of words and a hug. The clock said 8. I had to get to work, before Chimera stopped by and saw I wasn't there. Shit.I was cheating_._

But, I wasn't. Sure, she'd changed in front of me and we'd shared a rather emotional hug and I'd held her close, all night, but I wasn't cheating.

Why the hell didn't I feel guilty I'd slept beside her all night?

I turned as stealthily as I could to face her. She changed positions with me. Her tiny fingers dipped lower on my back and her head slid up to rest beneath my chin. This felt so right and wrong at the same time. She mumbled something in her sleep before burying her face into my neck and laying still. Her legs had entrapped my left leg. Not good since I'd just woken up. If she shifted her leg a little higher…

She didn't move and I wasn't willing to shake her awake even though I would have too soon for reasons that solely involved my body. I unconsciously caressed her back and cheek, running my fingers along her parted lips.

_Stop it._

Yeah, that side of my conscience had quit working the previous night.

I was sharing a bed with her, a king sized bed that fit us both perfectly and comfortably, with space, lots of it. Yet there was no space between us and we seemed to have moved to the center of the bed and we'd stayed like that all night. I hadn't slept that well since I got drunk-as-fuck at Rachel's birthday party three years ago.

Then it hit me. She'd said she'd loved me. I'd doubted her but, fucking hell, she still loved me. I smiled, giddy. Then banged my head against the pillow for how I was acting.

This was beyond fucked up. I couldn't just leave Chimera, but I couldn't stop wanting to spend time with Bella, or wanting to be with her, even if we were 'just friends.'

Yeah, just friends had worked for a short time before, but now, this was getting more complicated since she'd told me she was still in love with me. _In love._

I felt the same, so why was I holding back and not telling her?

Chimera. I wasn't a jerk. I couldn't hurt her like that, but I couldn't stay with her when it was _killing _Bella. She had said that last night.

Last night had been a chance, my only chance, to show her I still loved her, but I hadn't. _She_ hadn't even tried.

I was royally fucked. Confused. Out of my fucking mind. I kept secrets I shouldn't have, secrets I was still keeping. I was torn in two, leaning towards Bella's 'half,' but tied to Chimera, something I'd heard was impossible to break. I was so furious I wanted to break something.

And I was horny. Never a good combination.

Bella stirred and my head immediately lowered to examine her face as her body slowly regained consciousness. She moaned, stretched and her eyelids fluttered. Just as her feet brushed against my crotch, her eyes flew open. "Sorry," she muttered, blushing. Adorable_._ She erected herself to a position where she wasn't in contact with my crotch, and I tried to hide my disappointment. She ran her hands through her hair, yawning and then set her eyes back on me. She was awake now. "You stayed."

"I said I would." Being brave, and definitely stupid, I grasped her wrist and gave her a slight tug. She took the initiative and fell back down beside me, pressing against me once again.

"Jake…this is wrong." She shook her head as she glanced up at me. I perched on my elbow.

"We didn't do anything," I said, feeling my cheeks heat up a few more degrees. Fuck_._

"Yeah, but you literally spent the night with me."

I spoke without thinking. "She doesn't have to know." Slap me, please.

She studied me. "Jake, she's your _girlfriend_. I'm not. She doesn't have to worry about us staying the night together." She didn't sound so sure.

I sneered. "Do you have the slightest idea how difficult it was to not touch you in any way…like _that_…last night and this morning?" Why was I saying this shit? I'd said something similar last night.

I was so hopeless. What the hell was I going to do?

"Jake…" she whispered, catching my gaze, touching my cheek with her hand. "It was hard for me too. But you don't…you…you're with _her_."

_State the obvious, my sweet Bella_. I gripped her hand. She was _so soft_ and I pressed our hands between our chests. "I haven't decided yet." What the hell possessed me to say that?

"Jake, you can't keep doing this." She sat up. "You. Are. With. Her. I was history for four years. It's done. There's nothing I can do." I crawled out of bed. "You do love her." She watched me walk around the foot of the bed to the bathroom, sitting cross legged. "Jacob, you said so."

It was time to be excruciatingly honest, more so than I usually was. "I don't know," I said, walking towards the bathroom. "I have strong feelings for her, but I don't know if I love her enough."

"Do you love me…enough?" She bowed her head.

I couldn't answer it. It'd confirm things for the both of us. And yeah, I wanted Bella, but I wanted Chimera, and I couldn't have both, because it'd be wrong.

Huh. That's familiar.

We both flinched at the sound of Bella's phone going off. It was beside me, planted on her desk.

She settled back into the bed. "Jake, can you toss that to me?"

I nodded. She wasn't looking at me as she curled up beneath the covers again, feeling exactly how I felt- I hadn't wanted to get out of that bed. But, just as I reached for the phone, she shot up. "Jake! Don't!" She had her hand outstretched and in an instant she'd slid to the end of the bed and was in front of me, alarmed.

I faced her, grasping the phone in my fist. "Uh…why?"

She placed a hand on her forehead and began talking to herself, rambling out loud. "It's a …It's the last week of the month. He always calls on the last Sunday at this time…" _What the fuck? _She looked up at me and sighed. "Never mind, just give me the phone."

"You're the one who asked me to get it for you."

"I know. Now can you…"

I raised the phone as she reached for it. "Who is it?"

"Jake, seriously…" She ground her teeth together and her cheeks were flushed.

I glanced at the phone. _Fuck me_. Edward was calling. The little green monster that had been recently reborn inside of me, flared…no, it _exploded_. Only Edward Cullen had the capability of making me this jealous when it came to Bella. Brian too. But this was Edward. "Why is he calling?"

She snatched the phone, catching me at a weak moment and crossed her arms. "I meant to tell you."

I rushed past her towards the bathroom. "Tell me what?"

"It's not like that, Jacob! I told you…we've been over since the wedding." Where did that tone of voice come from? She was mad at me. I faced her. "He promised to call every few months, but since I graduated…" She paused. Her mouth zipped shut. Oh, don't think I didn't pick up on that, honey. "It's been every month since I graduated from NYU. We're friends."

I laughed. "Friends? When were the two of you ever just friends?"

She pressed a button on the phone and flipped it open to write a text message, before sending it. "Since my graduation."

I narrowed my eyes. "Really?"

"He…came to see me."

My heart did that dropping thing and fell to the pits of my stomach, figuratively speaking, of course. "And…?"

"We talked. I told him I'd always love him."

I winced. I'd always been jealous, almost possessive, but nowhere near a creepy extent.

"But, we weren't meant to be and we said goodbye, shutting the door to our 'romance,' and opening a new one of the two of us being friends."

I stood there for a moment. "I'm showering." I needed to cool down…and go back home.

* * *

Bella was on the phone when I got out, making breakfast in the kitchen- eggs and bacon. I heard the leech's voice from the other line. Bella saw me and quickly spoke into the phone. "Edward, thanks for calling, but Jacob's here…yeah…I know…" She chewed on her lip. "I'll talk to you later?"

He responded back, not like I expected him to. "Tell him I wish him the best." I scoffed at this. "And that I hope he decides sooner, rather than later, what he wants," his voice rose slightly at the end. He wanted me to hear that.

And damn, if the goddamn bloodsucker wasn't right. I needed to figure out that I really wanted, since my conscious was currently undecided at the moment. Or maybe I was just in denial and knew very well what I wanted the most.

I pulled up a stool and took a seat, glaring at the phone as Bella said goodbye. She pushed a plate towards me loaded with food. I opened my mouth to ask her if she talked about me when she spoke with him and had kept him updated on what was going on with Chimera, when she read my mind. "Yes, Jacob, I talk to him about you. And yes, I told him about you and Chimera and how screwed up this situation is." She slammed the fridge shut before sitting beside me and pouring a glass of orange juice. "He's very good listener. I remember when I used to listen to him talk for hours, and I'd only say a few words. So, it's nice to carry on a conversation where both of us are talking the same amount." She clenched her fork in her hand. "You should eat up, and go, before it gets too late."

I felt like shit. One, because my ass didn't want to leave, two because I'd 'bitched' about something I knew nothing about, that being her and Edward talking as friends, three, because Chimera couldn't know about this and four, I wanted some miracle to happen so I didn't have to go to work and could find more time to spend with Bella.

"Where does Chimera work?"

She acted like she was interested in her food. "She works at a retail store during the day and she bartends at night." I gulped half of my glass of Orange Juice before continuing. "She bartends at Red Secrets, where Leah and Eric are hosting their 'co-ed' bachelor/bachelorette party."

She dropped her fork and was completely immersed in her thoughts, likely envisioning the same thing I was.

The only time we'd been in that club, together, had been when we were _together-together_, and Bella had danced, to put it in the only word I could think of, like a slut.

And I was getting aroused…again. I discretely avoided adjusting certain parts of my body as I was suddenly assaulted by a mini-movie of the two of us pressed together, rotating, grinding, no space between is to the beat of several rap songs…and the night that followed. Sex. Sex with Bella. Sex with Bella on top. Sex. More Sex. Bella…going down on me. Sex.

I may have not been a teenage boy anymore, but I sure thought like one.

She was blushing as I stole another glace at her, listening to her breathing pick up speed.

Getting away now.

I cleared my plate and stood up, torn between wanting to get as far as possible from Bella and the memories she brought with her, and wanting to…uh…ravish her. I said my goodbyes and we shared another long hug.

On the drive back, my boss called to say he didn't need me for the evening, and I decided to keep my promise to Bella, to not avoid her because she was still in love with me. It wasn't a problem because I felt the same.

But that's precisely why it's an issue, because she can't know that, and I felt ashamed because I was now spending more time with Bella than Chimera.

At home, I got in a good hour before Chimera came back, happy, tired looking, wearing no makeup and her hair pulled back, wearing a set of her stay-at-home clothes. She always brought clothes with her in case she didn't make it home and had to crash at a friend's. She'd kissed me for a few seconds and I forgot my problems momentarily. She smiled at me and commented on how I looked like I slept well. And I told her I had, surprisingly, remembering Bella but not saying a word about her.

She'd come in a rush and changed for her day job- jeans and a polo shirt. I told her I had the day off and said I was going to be at Bella's. Something flickered across her face- jealousy, disappointment, sadness and my heart sunk before she recovered and said 'okay,' before kissing me goodbye and promising a night together. She was going to be off by six.

Normally, a night at home would entail hours of sex, amazing sex, but since Bella had come back, I hadn't done more than kiss Chimera, and I hadn't slept in the same bed as her. And I felt like the worlds' biggest asshole, but I couldn't do it. Chimera didn't deserve that, not while my thoughts were so full of Bella this and Bella that.

Like clockwork, I called Bella shortly after Chimera left, asking her if she wanted me to come back over. She agreed. After all, Leah's wedding was one week away, the first week in December, and someone needed dancing lessons.

I didn't want to feel guilty, or sit here all day trashing myself and thinking so lowly of myself. Bella cheered me up; she made me smile. Chimera did too. Fucked up right?

Welcome to my life.

* * *

_Kyle's studio_

_(Bella's POV)_

I'd said it. Last night. Those words that revealed everything: I was still in love with him. And he didn't avoid me, he acted the same. But, with a little more affection.

And that was the problem. He was the same, it was the same, like when we'd been friends…we _are_ friends that dissolve that line between friends and lovers every time we're together. I felt like he'd give in, like he'd kiss me soon. And I was so happy about it, and well aware that all hell would break loose. It already had though; since I found out he was with Chimera. One wrong step could ruin us or put us back to where we were before. I didn't know which result I would get, so I kept my hands to myself.

So much for that. I'd woken up enclosed in his arms. With every moment we spent together it was becoming exceedingly more difficult each time to not touch him inappropriately. And now, he wanted to teach me how to ballroom dance, which is a whole different league from slow dancing, and nowhere near 'booty' dancing.

Leah wasn't going all out for the wedding. I'd spent some time with her and the girls over the past few days and she was keeping it simple, with lots of food, of course. But she wanted ballroom dancing, which seemed out of place, but she insisted. She's asked for as many of us as possible to learn the Rumba, which involved moving your hips like Shakira, whose hips do not lie, and for someone who'd hips aren't very…moveable…that's difficult. I'd been practicing with Kyle for years; it was a past time that happened every once in a while with my 'roomies' back in college. But this was Jacob. _Jacob_, who was going to make sure I got it down pat.

Now, as far as I knew only a few people within our 'group' were experts in this dance, so Leah wasn't asking us to be perfect, but rather for us to have fun with it and attempt to show we knew something about it. So, here I was.

This gave me an excuse to spend even more time with Jacob, touch him, and be near him, without Chimera. Why hadn't she said something? Jacob had seemed worried, but I wasn't sure if he was distressed over the thought of losing her, or losing _control_ with me. Maybe that's what we should do- have sex and be done with it.

One enormous problem: It had never been 'just sex,' with us. Ever. If we slept together, I doubted he'd be able to return to her. That's what I wanted, right? Yeah, but Chimera…she was…the central problem. The main problem. If I didn't like her, if she was a 'Lana,' I'd force Jacob to be with me and sleep with me and get him to confess his feelings, whatever they were. But she wasn't. And she meant a lot to me. Which I still didn't understand.

With Kyle's permission, I pushed around tables in his studio to clear the area for a mimic-dance floor for Jake and me. I was holding up the store by myself; it'd been so slow today that I doubted things would pick up. If they did, Angela was upstairs in her apartment. She'd been sick for about a day, and wanted to do nothing but sleep and sit around, watching TV or reading, or shopping on the web. She'd come down with the common cold, but we were aware how long those lasted and how lousy they can get. I'd spent the past hour or so with her, keeping her company, while I waited for Jacob.

I'd finished getting dressed, selecting a white v-neck t-shirt and the only, flowing skirt I owned, a simple and cute, white, knee-length, ruffled piece, so I could move around easily with it on. My hair was blow-dried out and felt remarkably light. It must have been that new mousse I'd bought…

Kyle and Ashley, who I swear were inseparable and always had been, were picking out movies to rent, our Sunday night ritual, and grocery shopping. While doing so, they would likely get sidetracked and flirt with cute cashiers and I'm sure Kyle would have convinced Ashley by now to go to the liquor store and buy some form of alcohol, probably cheap beer or a huge bottle of rum. So, Jake and I would technically be alone again, and even after I'd literally spent the night with him, I was ecstatic. I was shuffling tables with a smile on my face and my entire body was pleasantly warm at the thought of him.

Last night had been magical. Something I'd missed for years- being in his arms, feeling his skin and soaking in his physical and metaphorical warmth. And all he'd done was hold me. And it'd been the best night I'd had since before I ran off to NYC.

I wouldn't allow myself to think about what lie ahead- what had I said to Jake, a while ago? 'Concentrate on this moment, not our mistakes in the past, or the future?' One step at a time_. _

The bell jingled downstairs and I heard Jacob. "Hello?" His voice was a bit rough. Had he ridden his motorcycle here?

"Up here," I shouted, grinning, and peered out the window, spotting the motorbike parked in the driveway; he had driven it here and it made me smile so much my face hurt.

I blushed and accidently tripped over the cord in front of me as he came into my view at the top of the stairs. "Hey." I stood there for a moment as he took in his surroundings. "Kyle's studio?" He watched me as I went to the CD player in the corner. I peeked over my shoulder. "You haven't seen it?"

He shook his head and laughed. "I kind of walked past it this morning without noticing." He sounded embarrassed and he slid his hand up his arm, his _bare_ arm. He was going to dance with my shirtless. _Wonderful_, my conscience growled with fear.

_Fantastic_, another, more positive, inner voice squealed.

My body was already excited about the idea, but it might scare him away. I'd watched people dance the Rumba- it was no Tango, but it was still sexy. He knew I was in love with him though, so why did it matter?

At least that hadn't been uttered out loud. Then they'd really ship me off with the crazies.

I turned the stereo knobs and switched to a Spanish song. "Well prepared?" He chuckled.

"Very," I said, standing up straight and facing him. "Again with the shirt off," I smiled, motioning to his chest, once again unsuccessfully not staring at his abs. Oh God. I was so pent up with sexual frustration for spending the night with him and here he is again, tormenting me, without knowing just how much. This was how he _rolled_; he rarely wore a shirt.

He smirked as I approached him. "I get sweaty when I dance, so…and it's not like I actually wear one. It's normal for 'my kind' not to."

"Girls get sweaty too you know." I placed a hand on his chest as his hands dropped to my waist.

"You can dance shirtless as well if you'd like," he nodded, a naughty look in his eyes. "I won't complain." He backed away, chuckling and I almost sulked at the lack of contact.

Tempting, but not a smart idea. I blushed. "I'll pass."

"Once again…"

I tossed a shoe at him and it hit him square in the back. We laughed loudly. "Jake," I cleared my throat. "I'm keeping my clothes on. You'll notice there's a rather large window behind me." I gestured to the wall sized window. "And there are no curtains," I added, remembering I had a similar window in my room. After a brief silence, where he continued smiling at me, I spoke again. "Is this music good? You always said music can be anything…"

His eyes were soft for a moment. "Yeah, I did." The good humor and playful banter between us was gone. He smiled warmly and held out his hand. "May I have this dance?"

I grinned, blushing, and ducked my head before looking up at him and reaching for his hand. Fingers against fingers, slipping across his palm. He curled his fingers around mine and led me to the center of the floor, lowering our hands until our bodies were almost touching. I was floating on a cloud, sky high.

He released my hand and placed that very hand on my waist, grabbing my other hand as he began to teach me the basic steps. His eyes trailed back and forth between our hands and my face. As we were circling around the room, I giggled. "What?" He squeezed my waist as we turned into the next step, both of his hands on my back, alternating between that and my hands.

"You're not so bad," I teased as we spun around again.

He blushed. "You can blame Leah. She's been on the groomsmen's asses about dancing to this since the engagement, so we're forced to learn."

I laughed again but abruptly stopped as he pulled me to his body. "Sorry," he said, looking down at me as I stared up at him.

"It's completely acceptable," my voice wavered. "It's part of the dance."

He relaxed…from what, I didn't know, and settled his hands on my waist, as I moved my hips with his hands, doing my best to not brush against him, well aware of the heat that was now consuming me. I cleared my throat as the space between us increased a bit as we swung around the room again. "My head's in the gutter," I muttered sheepishly, not meeting his eyes.

His cheeks darkened again and he recovered like the smooth operator he was. "That's another lesson all together." His voice lowered alluringly, so close to the rich, 'sex' voice that still echoed in my ears even after all of these years. He drew me in closer to his body.

I decided to put on a different face and flirt back. I raised my head as he counted off the numbers, and my feet followed him for a moment. He'd step backwards, and I'd step forward, following his movement. I missed a step and stubbed my toe against his foot. "Sorry."

"You were doing so well earlier," he snickered. "But, it's you, and you have two left feet."

"In most cases…" I grinned suggestively.

"Oh…Are we going back to the 'lessons' you've learned?"

"I recall following everything you instructed me to do all those centuries ago; maybe I'm rebelling," I said, weakly. I was too distracted by his hands on my hips as we did another turn.

He tensed, and his eyes lowered to the floor as he adjusted his hand so our fingers were interlocked. "What lesson was that?" He glanced up at me, grinning evilly.

"Oh there were many," I said, monotonously. "It's just one not worth mentioning," I whispered jokingly. "Highly inappropriate."

"Ah…" He paused. "You're starting to dance to a different beat Bella…follow my lead." Oh, he was quick- don't let this get sexy.

I realized he was telling the truth, and for some reason during our flirtatious exchange my back was to his, rotating my hips against everything but his groin, with his arms guiding my hips just like he'd done in so many situations.

I immediately spun back around, wide eyed, lost again in the world with only him as I faced him. He was frustrated…and it was a goodfrustrated.

When we'd been together we'd joked like this a lot, in detail. I kept quiet. I didn't want to make this situation more uncomfortable than it already was.

No, not uncomfortable…_sexy_. Too sexy. During our banter the song had changed to a slower, sexier beat.

He suddenly twirled me around and spun me out. "Is that part of the dance?" I said, gleefully, our hands twined together, an arm's length away from him.

He smiled. "I forgot."

Steamy one moment to normal the next. That's Jacob and me.

I laughed. "You ready?" He nodded towards me.

"For what?"

With a gentle pull he reeled me back in and I twirled around in a circle with one set of our hands raised above my head, before I lost my footing and crashed into his chest. His arms encircled my waist, catching me before my knees gave out, and not just because I was a klutz; it was because we were so close, again. He lifted me to a standing position. And this time there was no space between us…anywhere. I apologized with my eyes, unable to find any words, well aware that certain body parts were touching.

I hadn't seen that look in his eyes since…back when. Love. And he was shirtless and my arms were crushed against his bare skin and he was _so close_…

Were almost kisses our trademark? I should have kept a record of how many times in the past five or so years we'd almost shared a kiss. Maybe I should start tallying now.

He slowly moved his hand from my back and my waist and bent his head down, pressing our foreheads together- an intense look in his eyes- thinking, or not thinking, I couldn't tell. Instinct.

All I could do was continue staring up at him. I really looked at him and reminded myself again how beautiful he was. His hand cupped my cheek and my heartbeat accelerated. He tilted his head to the side and our lips were touching. My mouth, just a fraction of it, was touching his lips. His full, luscious lips. Just a single brush of the top lip, not a kiss….a touch. "Jake," I whispered, dragging my hand up his chest, taking note of the tremor that ran through him. I placed a hand on his cheek as his hand on my waist moved to my lower back. "Jake, please," I whimpered. One breath apart-touching but not locked in a kiss. His breathing had deepened and the temperature in the room rose…

_Jake, all you have to do is snag one lip between yours and then we can kiss…actually kiss._

And this was so wrong. But I didn't give a damn.

He muttered my name, almost incoherently, eyes directed to my lips and not my eyes.

I didn't hear the bell jingle, but I heard a customer asking if anyone was here.

I leapt away from Jacob, feeling disappointed because of another kiss that never happened. He moved away too, and his hands were tucked in his shorts, a look of shock and…no, it wasn't regret…it was lust…was on his face, in his eyes, in his body language.

He retrieved his shirt and shoes and slid them back on, mumbling a 'bye' and disappearing downstairs without another word. He didn't even look at me.

Flustered, upset, and resentful, I headed downstairs to assist my customer, listening as a motorcycle revved up and sped off, and forced a smile.

Interrupted again.

_I'm so happy for you,_

_I could cry._

_Cry about the love we used to have_

_Cry that I won't ever get you back_

* * *

(A/N: There is one Rumba dance clip linked in my JB-n-Pack group for this story- check it out to get a general idea of the dance Leah wants.)


	28. Heat

Disclaimer: _Blah_ I've done this too many times _blah blah_. Lyrics: Bliss (I don't wanna know)–Hinder and The Feel Good Drag- Anberlin (and this is the song to play during the…_sexy scene_…even if the lyrics are included in the later parts of the chapter)

(A/N: Thanks for the reviews, faves and alerts! **Warning: **There is some sexiness in this is a rather dark and confusing chapter for Jacob mainly, so don't blame him for his actions (and don't blame Bella either- she has every right to act the way she did when she 'finds out'). Also, Bella and Jacob share some pretty harsh, angry words= ANGST.The burning question you've all been wondering- about Jacob and Chimera- is answered…I might surprise you with what happens in this chapter ;))

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_*****************READ READ READ READ READ************__**IMPORTANT: BEAR WITH ME- READ THIS CHAPTER TO THE VERY END BEFORE YOU EXIT THE SCREEN FROM ANGER OR WHATEVER EMOTION YOU FEEL OKAY**__?__*************** READ READ READ READ READ******************_

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__**Chapter 26: Heat**

_I saw your side was not slept in_

_Cold sheets again_

_Remind me of what you said_

_We need to take a break for a while_

_The same evening_

_Chimera's house_

_(Jacob's POV)_

I knew what I had to do.

I hadn't made my final decision, but doing what I was doing was wrong.

It's not like my mind had been in the right place since Bella came back. I was confused, angry, undecided, and I kept hurting the two girls that meant the most to me. I'd hurt Bella, because I was with Chimera, and I'd hurt Chimera, because I was going behind her back with Bella.

Bella had been so sure she wanted to be with _him_ back when, even after she realized she loved me, like a lover, and not a brother. I, on the other hand,wasn't so sure. My heart would be yanked in one direction and fly in the opposite one…back and forth…back and forth…

I was sitting on the couch in Chimera's living room, with my head in my hands, surrounded by a single bag, a suitcase, and a few boxes loaded with items.

People made mistakes. I wasn't perfect. But what I was doing was beneath me. I was almost cheating…_almost_. I'd shared a bed with a girl I had a sexual, romantic history with, while the one I was with…I hadn't touched her, intimately, or even slept beside her. I couldn't do it. Chimera was sexual, openlysexual, to a different degree than I was. She liked it a lot. It was something she would admit to without the hint of a blush. The fact that she'd been so patient with me…I couldn't understand it. I had keen senses- if she was cheating because I wasn't giving her anything, I'd know…and she wasn't. She confessed early on in our relationship that she'd never felt the desire to cheat; she wouldn't even consider it. What was it she always said? 'I like sex…in a monogamous relationship?' And what the fuck was I doing? Cheating…no, not cheating, but one step away from it.

The sun was setting, casting this ridiculously beautiful glow of yellow, red, and orange streams of light across the living room and walls, bouncing off the stainless steel in the kitchen. I hadn't turned a light on.

6 o'clock rolled around and I heard Chimera pull the Mustang into the driveway, back from work. Moments later, she turned the key in the front door, locking it, likely wondering why it was unlocked, and then turning the key again and cautiously opening the door. She'd already slipped off her top and was left in a thin, white camisole, pulled down over her jeans, and she raised her sunglasses to her head. She looked at me, puzzled, as she set her purse down and closed the door behind her. "I thought you'd be late."

I shook my head and smiled at her, keeping my lips thin. She scanned the room, and her eyes flickered over the bags beside me on the floor. This _light_ went out of her eyes and she glanced at me, furrowing her eyebrows. "Jake, what's going on?" I stood up, watching as she moved closer to me. The sun fell across her face, illuminating her high cheekbones. There was something heartbreaking about the setting- sunset, bags at my feet.

That's because it was.

I started to say something, but nothing came out. And my chest began…constricting. "Jake…" She placed a hand on my upper arm, and rubbed it, catching my gaze. I couldn't crack a smile. Her voice became firmer. "Jacob, tell me what the hell is going on?"

"I can't do this anymore." It was barely a whisper.

She let go of me as her eyes pooled with tears. "I figured this would happen…soon. First, it was not sleeping in the same bed as me." She kept her voice even. A huge weight settled in my chest. "And you haven't touched me in weeks." Her eyes locked on mine and I frowned, upset. "I thought it'd go away you know…this…" Her voice was shaking. Chimera rarely lost her cool like this. "That maybe I'd wake up to you in bed with me again and you'd remind me that you still loved me."

I looked away. "I'm sorry. I haven't been…in the right mind set since…"

"Since Bella came back?"

My eyes darted back to her. Her arms were crossed and her lips were quivering. I nodded slowly. "I-I…"

"You know what," she said, a sharp edge in her voice. "I don't expect you to be able to provide me with a reason that makes sense."

I couldn't keep it inside any longer. "I lied." Her mouth twitched. "I lied to you. I've kept things from you."

"Jake," she cried. She was crying, and it was my goddamned fault. It wasn't a loud reaction, it was quiet tears. "I don't even want to hear this."

"Can you let me…say this, please?" I flinched at the anger in my voice. She nodded, urging me to continue, mouthing a 'sorry.' "Last night, I wasn't at home. I didn't stay at home." I paused. "I was at Bella's," I whispered. I met her eyes. She was tense and her face crinkled into something that resembled confusion. She was mad, and I'm sure she didn't want to hear my next words. "I slept with her."

I didn't see it coming because I was so distracted, but I wouldn't have stopped it if I had seen it coming.

She slapped me, across my right cheek. It didn't hurt. Of course it wouldn't, not physically, at least. Emotionally…it was painful. I swallowed my tears. The blow…the reason behind it…I deserved it. And it hurt, more than I could imagine. My head had even turned to the side.

I slowly faced her again, steadying my breathing.

She was furious, glaring at me, tears streaming down her face. Chimera never showed her emotions like this…this was weakness. She was proud, so this…was shocking. "How could you?" She hissed.

"I didn't have sex with her," I growled. "Nothing happened."

That made her angrier. "Did you share a bed with her?"

I was stunned for a moment. "Yes."

She stepped forward. "Did you hold her?"

I hung my head in shame. "Yes."

She reached for my bag and shoved it to my chest. "You can get the rest of your things tomorrow."

"Chimera," I pleaded. "I do love you." I reached for her.

She backed away, just out of my grasp. Her features softened. "I know you do."

"But I can't be with you until I know who I want…for certain." Not what, but _who_. She gritted her teeth and choked back a sob. Something was happening with me…a shatter, like, my heart smashing into little pieces in slow motion.

Chimera faced me. "I want you out…now."

The shattering…it sped up…finished.

I didn't expect that this would hurt as much as it did.

I reluctantly walked towards the door, slinging the bag over my shoulder; she'd opened it. "Wait." She gripped my arm. Although I could tell she was pissed off, she surprised me with such a simple, meaningful gesture. "Let's keep this breakup on the down low, for now." I sent her an inquisitive look, still fighting my tears. "Leah's wedding is a few days away. We have to walk down the aisle together. I want her wedding to be perfect. She deserves it, after everything she's been through- Sam and Emily, her father's death, becoming the only female werewolf existing, that we know of. I don't…I don't expect you to force physical affection as an addition to this facade. I'm sure they already know we weren't happy, or as stable as we were before…not anymore."

I nodded in agreement. "I'm sorry, Chimera."

"Stop apologizing." She released her hold on my arm and backed into the house. "Just…let me know when you make that choice. If you want me…or her. I'm not going anywhere."

"I have to see you. I-I want to."

"I know. But, I don't really want to be alone with you anymore…not that we've had much of that lately."

"This…" How could I say this the right way? "This isn't forever. It's a break…to let me get my thoughts in order." Yeah, that made perfect sense…as-fucking-if.

"See you tomorrow?" She smiled. It was sad…but beautiful. _She_ was beautiful.

"Yeah." I attempted to return the smile, but nothing but a slight curve upwards of my lips was achieved.

She closed the door just as the last rays of the sun dropped below the horizon, and darkness fell.

* * *

_The Black residence_

I arrived home a few minutes later, pulling my Mustang into the driveway and walking past my father and Charlie talking, back from their weekend-long fishing trip. How long had that been their pastime now? Centuries? _Old men_.

I could hardly remember the last time I'd stayed the night here. I set my bag in the doorway, spotting my sister, Rachel, stretched out on the couch, reading a magazine- _Nylon_ or something. My father rolled in behind me. "Jacob," he said, hesitantly. I turned to him and just…looked at him. "Son." He met my eyes. I shook my head.

Rachel looked up when he said my name, tossing the magazine on the coffee table as I strolled into the living room. She twisted around, saw me, and her eyes widened. "Bro…what?"

The dam broke. I took another stride and fell to my knees in front of her, resting my head against her stomach and wrapping my arms around her waist…and I sobbed. In front of my father and my sister. "Oh," she breathed, and her voice trembled as she began to stroke my hair.

Violent sobs- the ones that wrack through your body, shaking you from the inside out, the ones you try to hold back…but everyone knows that always makes it worse. I hadn't cried like this since Bella left about four years ago.

Rachel leaned over me, resting her head on top of mine, still running her fingers through my hair, holding me to her bosom. I squeezed her thighs tighter, fighting another outpour of tears, shivering horribly. Emotionally damaged.

My father's hand dropped to my shoulder. He was never big on expressing affection; that was always my mother. But, something as simple as a hand on my shoulder, and a firm squeeze during every sob, worked.

I didn't expect everything that had happened over the past few weeks, the past few years, to hit me like this. Losing Bella, missing Bella, doing this…what I'd been doing to Chimera and Bella; my indecisions consuming me to the point of tears. Guilt. Sadness. Anger. Breaking Up with Chimera. No joy. None.

Tears are good though, right? A good substitute to let it all out, instead of lashing out, or self injury, or attempted suicide (not that I'd ever consider such a thing).

Rachel shushed me and began humming an old Quileute lullaby. It was the same tune my mother used to sing to me when I was a child, willing my nightmares and tears away.

Sarah, my mother, she held me like this too…like Rachel was doing at this moment.

* * *

_I don't wanna know it's over  
So save your goodbye kiss  
I don't wanna know it's over  
Cause ignorance is bliss  
I can hardly see  
What's in front of me  
Cause the vodka's running on empty  
I can't stay sober  
If it's over_

_Four days before the wedding- Late November_

_Bella's apartment_

_(Bella's POV)_

I'd been with all of the wedding guests on a daily basis the past few days, involved with fittings, rehearsals, decorating with my co-workers, dance 'lessons' at Autumn and Embry's, scouting for reception set ups with Leah and the men. Chimera hadn't spoken to me. She'd greeted me with a polite 'hello,' but the conversation that flowed between the girls involved her never directly speaking to me. A wave of guilt had splashed against my conscience. Did she know?

It was my entire fault. Nothing had seemed right lately. And I'd shared a bed with Jacob, who was taken. He hadn't spoken to me either, nothing other than strictly small talk and wedding stuff and it'd always be anywhere but my apartment. We were never alone. I'd screwed up. But, Jacob and Chimera were fine as usual. I kept thinking something seemed off; like that they never kissed, or hadn't anytime I saw them, but I came to the conclusion that it was because things were so hectic.

We'd finalized playlists, cleaned and organized the reservation's dining hall, where Leah and Eric finally decided would be where the reception would be held. Setting up for the ceremony would be the day of. Weather was rarely perfect in Forks and Sunday was the only day this week that it wouldn't rain, supposedly. It would be overcast, but they claimed there would be no downpour.

So, I was retrying on my bridesmaid gown, caught up in the wedding atmosphere. I pranced around my apartment, in nothing but a thong. I couldn't wear a bra with this dress. I'd made sure my windows were closed; obviously, I wasn't an exhibitionist, at least not outside of closed doors. The others would knock or holler if they needed me. It was the rules of the household.

I loved the dress. And I was suddenly saddened by how the mini-shopping spree was the only time Chimera and I had had a good time. I hadn't spent any time alone with her since that day. I was…I could say I was fine with it, but it did bother me. _Quit with the depressing thoughts, Bella. _

I refocused my attention on the dress, holding it in front of me in the mirror installed in my living room. The cut was short, so it enabled me to move around quite freely.

We all…sucked at this dance, to put it bluntly. I'd seen everyone that practiced incorporated the Rumba attributes, but those moves were closer to the salsa, or something that didn't have steps to follow. It would still look good, and Leah had said she'd deal with it, jokingly of course. She knew only, like four of us, not including me, could dance like she wished. Chimera, Eric, Leah, and Autumn were the ones who knew the steps precisely. Brian had said he was experienced at the dance too and I saw proof of his comment. He'd be dancing with me at the wedding, and at practice we'd had hours of enjoyment together He was so cocky, sarcastic, hilarious, and fucking gorgeous, and he kept me entertained every moment I was with him.

My hair fell around my shoulders as I twirled around, clutching the dress to my chest, splaying out the skirt. I giggled. I felt like a girl back in high school, like Jessica, trying on a dress and having fun doing it. I'd never really enjoyed dresses until I lived with Autumn in Georgia. Autumn…I hadn't really spent time with her. I'd expressed my concern over our lack of interaction and she'd said she didn't expect to because the past week or so had been nothing but busy.

And I had to blame Jacob for my interest in dresses.

I blushed at the thought and the sudden sensation of how sensual the silk fabric felt against my breasts was magnified. I also started to appreciate the freedom of walking around my apartment naked. My senses were alive wire just thinking of him. My abdominal muscles tightened on their own accord and I shook myself out of it. _No pleasure for you, Bella_. I hadn't realized I'd reached for my…toy…until I had it in my hands. I immediately dropped it and buried it beneath the intimates in my drawer, racing back out to the living room after closing my bedroom door behind me, resisting, which was difficult.

Hadn't I resisted enough lately? I knew what I really wanted. Angela had borrowed my CD player so I couldn't play loud music to drown out the noises and…why was I thinking about this?

Kyle claimed he was educated in everything involving sex. Truth be told, it wasn't a lie: he took a few courses in sexuality. He'd tease me for days; he always did, when I locked my door, and turned up my music. He just knew. I swear if he was anything butgay, I'd have a fight with that man…

I slipped into the dress, sliding it over my hips and tucking my breasts into the rather tight top half, which gave me nice cleavage if I ever figured out how to tie these fucking confusing-as-hell straps_. _That was why Autumn suggested recently that I try on the dress frequently, so I could figure it out.

I clutched the dress to my chest, knowing my back was bare…these ties were cruel! They were thick, and there were only a few, but it made no sense. I could've bought an easier one, but this one was so gorgeous. Yes, even I could appreciate pretty material things…again, Autumn's fault; the girl was a shopaholic. I attempted to figure out the tie that went over my shoulders, and down across my lower back. I pulled it up enough and reached behind me.

The door to my apartment opened, startling me so greatly that I lost my hold on the ties and my dress fell.

I immediately grasped for it, barely registering this...electric current that went through me. I looked up, somehow facing the door, and stopped abruptly at the sight in my doorway. And the blush that coated my skin was at its richest shade. I lost the dress and all that covered me was my hands.

I was _that _shaken.

* * *

_(Jacob's POV)_

I'd felt bad. I wasn't dating anyone and I hadn't gone to see Bella even after I'd promised avoidance on my part wouldn't occur. Chimera had been holding up well, but she was strong like that. I'd been faking it, letting on that I was alright, even when I wasn't.

The good news was, I didn't have to feel guilty anymore, but that didn't help any, oddly. I felt like complete shit and I was…unsure. Or maybe I was sure, but I wasn't ready to admit it, even to myself.

So, I paid a visit to Bella, successfully only having to say 'hi' to Ashley and Kyle as I entered the store. They were engaged in a heated debate over the colors pink and blue. Seriously? Bella had the strangest friends. On second thought, _I_ was strange; I was a werewolf and her ex-fiancé's family was a clan of vampires…and then there was my pack. Her friends were normal; we were the ones who weren't.

Out of habit, long picked up from the months, so many years ago, I filled with spending nights in Bella's room and sneaking through her window, expecting her to be in her room, or I didn't really know, I opened the door without thinking.

My jaw hit the floor, the blood shot straight to my groin, and an intense wave of lust, pure lust, mixed with love washed over me. The lust was temporarily stronger than the love right now. I froze. I couldn't think- my brain was…located somewhere else at the moment. I couldn't speak. I was utterly shocked and completely in awe.

She'd…what looked like…she'd been trying to squeeze into her tiny red dress and she was turned away from the mirror to the point were just as I crept in she was facing me.

Bella, beautiful Bella's milky white skin, was bare for my eyes. The dress fell off of her like nothing had held it up. I couldn't even move because my mind quit working properly.

She was in nothing but a thong and as she'd turned towards the door I caught a beautiful, ivory glimpse of the curve of her ass, the flatness of her stomach and my eyes refused to look away from the shape of her breasts as they were revealed. Two beautiful mounds I'd been dying to touch for years.

The moment passed and she faced me, dropping the dress again. I caught another incredible peek (I could not stop staring!) before her arms covered her, pushing her breasts inward, exposing a small amount of cleavage. Dear God. I couldn't…my eyes wouldn't even allow me the decency to look away. "Jacob," she squeaked, blushing tomato red and reaching blindly for the dress, turning her back to me. "W-What…?" She stammered_, _nervous as fuck.

I snapped out of my…fantasy. "I came to see you." That voice was not me; that was a boy's- it squeaked, like a child, in the middle. I couldn't shake that image from the head, a new one for my records. Sex. Against anything…the floor even. My next words…I hadn't meant to say them out loud. "Do you want me to help?" I didn't say 'did you need help?' I asked if I could help. _Me__**.**_ Not Kyle who would never cop a feel on her, or Ashley and Angela who were two very straight females. No. I'd offered _my_ help.

* * *

_(Bella's POV)_

Oh God. Oh God no. Fuck! This had to be the most embarrassing moment in my life. I'd flashed Jacob, which is you know_, _whatever, because it wasn't like he hadn't seen them before, it was just that we were trying our hardest to stay friends and only friends.

His eyes were wider than I'd ever seen them. And then…it was lust, undeniable lust, love too, but the lust ruled the show. All before I'd snapped out of my sort-of-trance enough to conceal myself, with my dress and not my hands, and turn away, cheeks on fire.

And then he asked if he could help. I spluttered out a few syllables, mumbling noises, thinking nothing but 'there are quite a few things you could help me with.' I finally spoke in a rush, hopefully clear enough for him to understand. "No, I got it…completely, perfectly, it's a matter of moving straps and…"

The whole time I'd been messing with the straps, desperate to figure out how they worked. Did this thing come with instructions? I should call Chimera, maybe she'd know…

Um…No. _No_. **NO**. Not after I'd…oh God. "Bella," Jake's voice interrupted my verbal and physical struggle. "I've got large fingers but they are a little more steady than yours, no offense," he chuckled and cut of what he was about to say abruptly. I felt him beside me. I couldn't look at him- even through the mirror.

Why the hell was he talking about his fingers... that belonged to his hands? He shouldn't do that…not in this situation…not after…

I was far past flustered and I couldn't recall a single moment where I'd been so mortified. And I was clumsy, so that said a lot. "Okay," I gasped, cupping my mouth. I'd given him permission to touch me…to put his hands on me. What was I thinking? I couldn't…I wouldn't stare at his face…

"Are you sure?" I could sense his fingers hovering over my skin- there was a static charge, like a goddamn sunbeam. My skin was already warm from his presence_._ No, I wasn't sure. I wanted him to touch me, badly, and that was quickly winning the battle against common sense, that I shouldn't have muttered an okay. I nodded. I didn't realize I had until I felt his fingers brush against my neck, moving my hair aside as he toyed with the straps around the neck. A wonderful, peasant shiver ran through me and I sighed, smiling at the touch- warm, rough. You'd think as a 'wolf-man' his hands would be soft and they were, although the tips of his fingers weren't. I guess because he always did so much with his hands that the fingertips didn't heal as quickly. "I don't understand this…" he grumbled.

What? Us? The dress? I couldn't tell what he meant. I dared myself to look at him in the mirror, watching as he squinted, focusing heavily on what his fingers were doing. "Um," I cleared my throat. "Somehow, I think the rope attaches to the lower part of the dress. It comes to my shoulder blades and that's what holds it up," I said it all in one breath, not sure I was even instructing him right. It was hard to think. I laughed nervously. "I think that's my problem; I can't reach that way; it's painful. Kyle couldn't figure it out and he makes clothes for a living…But he gives up easily, so…" I gulped. I was so nervous I was rambling, trying to think of anything but his fingers. They'd now trailed down my back to hook the rest of the dress. His touch was so light and the tips of his fingers skimmed down my spine. His hands were trembling as he pulled the dress up and found something I hadn't noticed and snapped it into place. He was breathing deeply now and I caught myself listening closely to everything he was doing. I couldn't close my eyes; I wanted to keep watching his fingers as they glided across my back beneath the strap. What was he doing? _Don't stop. _

He met my eyes in the mirror as I adjusted the top half. "Thank you." I turned my head to the side to give him a small smile, squeezing one of his hands that had rested on my waist. He grinned as well; it wasn't a wide smile, not the one I loved, the one that could charm anyone, but it still sent an intoxicating shudder through me.

He brushed my hair back into place. "I'm always here to help." He smirked.

I chuckled. "Yeah." I looked away and released our hands. "I have to remember that clutch now. I had no idea…"

He laughed and walked away. A silence passed as I continued adjusting myself in the mirror, doing a single twirl. He was watching me and he smiled warmly. "Why do you have a mirror in the living room, by the way?" He leaned against the counter.

I turned away from the mirror, blushing. That had been rather girly to spin like that. I was madly in love with this dress though. I shuffled over to him. "It's Ashley. She said you should always have a mirror in the biggest room in the house, other than the bathroom. And since this is a 'great room,' because the kitchen isn't separate, she put one in here. I didn't know about it until I walked in on her drilling it into the wall." He snorted and lowered his head. I didn't like the silence, again. "Um, do you want something to drink?" It was a safe question.

He returned his eyes to mine. "Huh?" He hadn't heard me.

"Jake, what's going on?" I was worried. I could tell something was off. It wasn't my fault he'd walked in on me! Okay, it was partially, but everyone else knew to knock, and I hadn't been expecting any visitors. They'd normally call first.

He shook his head and smiled. I knew it was somewhat forced. "Nothing." I grabbed a water bottle. I needed a refresher even if he didn't. "You look beautiful in that dress."

I whirled around, holding the water bottle to my chest, alarmed because his voice was close; he was right behind me, leaning against the other side of the counter. I hadn't heard him move. Damn werewolf speed and 'lightness of foot.' "Oh," I said, shaking my head and smiling. "Thank you." I blushed and took a step towards the sink. We'd been too close. I kept another smile hidden as I faced the sink again, aware he was only a few feet away from me. "Um, if it's bothering you…" I blushed. He'd understand what I was implying. "I can go change into something else." I glanced at him, taking a sip as I turned around. "It would only take a few minutes, or more."

"Why would you do that? Change out of it, I mean?" He said; his cheeks were a few shades darker. "Just because…" He motioned with his hand to me and back to him. "…It's _affecting _me, doesn't mean you should change out of it." Instantly he snapped back to normal and beamed, showing of his teeth. "It took so long to get it on."

I laughed, relieved that this wasn't as awkward as it could have been.

I felt it then…the tension between us. It came out of nowhere, and I could literally feel it. The tension we'd held for so long since I returned was hanging by a single thread now. It was powerful…the feeling I'd developed from it was strong. And I wanted him more than I ever had. I kept staring at him. His eyes were to the floor. Could he feel it? Could he feel that the little self control we'd fought so hard to build was about to break? It was at its strongest point, right before it snaps and we let our guards down. Maybe it was only me, but he'd admitted it… I'd read between the lines. He'd blatantly said it the first time we'd been able to be alone, in the kitchen downstairs after I'd returned. But…I was weak. He'd have to be strong; he'd have to resist. I knew he would.

But could he feel it?

I'd noticed as I thought on and on about this 'tension' that his body was rigid. His head rose and our eyes met. I knew something was wrong with him, but he'd made it clear he wouldn't provide me with an answer. I think he all but forgot what was bothering him. I knew he could feel it…this…this …sexual tension…this love…overpowered for a moment by this _tension_. And then and there, I could sense it; I could feel that he still loved me, that he wanted me.

_Don't get ahead of yourself, Bella. _

As we continued staring at each other, peering into each other's souls, the cord snapped. The tension, the self control, disappeared and we gave in…almost violently.

One second I was leaning against the sink and the next second he'd walked over to me, cupped my cheeks and yanked me into a kiss. I didn't attempt to stop him. This was what I wanted.

And everything exploded. My thoughts, my desire, all came to the surface. There was no holding back anymore.

I knew if I hesitated he'd pull away, but the thing was, I took a step towards him and that step had triggered him to take two strides and pull me into a kiss.

He was kissing me. Jacob Black was kissing me again.

It didn't start slow; we dove right in. The second his lips touched mine I'd slid my fingers through his hair, and pulled him closer, at the same time his hands lowered to my waist and he lifted me easily onto the counter. He'd snagged my top lip first and I responded back instantly, tugging at his hair, moving my lips against his, opening my mouth, begging for more attention. I was whimpering and I jumped slightly at the shock that ran through me the moment _those hands_ fell to my waist. I could taste him; he was everywhere, like the first real kiss we ever shared.

Daringly, I nibbled on his upper lip before swooping to his bottom lip just as quickly. He made a noise in the back of his throat, something I could hardly pick up, and pulled me against him so my chest was pressed against his. I moaned and wrapped my hands around his neck as his hand slid along my sides, drinking me in. I couldn't think. All I could do was feel him_. Jacob_. I ran my hands over his shoulders, down his back, feeling the muscles beneath his shirt underneath my fingers. It'd been so long, too long. I was gone. I wouldn't be able to stop.

Except to breathe.

I gasped as our lips parted momentarily and met his eyes, clouded over with lust. He didn't stop touching me; his hands glided over my back. My stomach tightened even more, begging for something more. I breathed heavily for a few seconds, pressing my face to his- forehead against forehead, noses brushing, lips barely a breath apart. I closed my eyes for a moment to recover, to embed this moment in my memory. But, before I could even try to calm myself down or push away my desires, this need, and give into the _heat_, my eyes widened as he drew me into a another kiss, slower this time.

My lids fluttered shut and I kissed back, brutally slow, as he kissed the corner of my mouth to the entirety of mouth, along my lips. His hands trailed up my back, sliding over my bare skin as he reached for the hook that attached the rope to the lower half of my dress. I shivered, absorbing the feel of his hands, and the heat emitting from them.

That did something to me the second he released the clasp and I stood to my feet and pushed him against the cabinet across from us. He didn't even stop to take in the impact as the cabinets shook. I gripped the sides of his face and pressed my tongues against his lips, leaning up and pulling his down for easy access. And I almost collapsed then and there the moment our tongues met. The kiss got deeper, more passionate and we regained the intensity we'd developed before. My hands were like a second skin to his back and his hands were everywhere on my clothed body, along my sides, cupping my breasts, this close to tumbling out of my dress.

I didn't hold back a moan this time and it got lost in his throat, somewhere. I snuck my hands beneath his shirt, feeling his skin…_his skin_ beneath my hands. He gasped a raspy 'fuck' as he buried his face in my neck and began attacking the skin there, licking, biting, back up to my mouth.

I couldn't believe this was happening. And it felt so good, so fucking good.

I removed my hands from underneath his shirt and settled for clutching the fabric on his back, as he lowered his head again and licked along the column of my neck. I threw my head my back, crying out. A second later, with his mouth latched to my neck, he was backing me out of the kitchen. We tripped, falling to the floor. I felt a sharp sting on the back of my head from the contact (I _did_ have wooden floors), but dismissed it completely and captured his lips again, reaching for the hem of his shirt, yearning for more skin. He leaned up and our lips parted for a second as we both removed his shirt. He tossed it aside.

Should I be doing this? I'd forgotten the reason why I shouldn't be and I didn't care.

He was soon pressed against me, his groin against mine. I felt that proof of his desire, digging into my thigh through his cut-offs. I smiled against his mouth; it'd been so long since I'd had the pleasure of such a situation. And it egged me on even more as he set me back against the floor.

I took advantage of the fact that his top half was bare, and leaned up to kiss his shoulders and chest, as my vibrating hands dug into his sides and back, embracing the opportunity to touch his heated, naked flesh.

* * *

_(Jacob's POV)_

This was bizarre, unpredictable, wrong, right, wonderful, and horrible, the best I'd felt, too much, too little, too fast…

But I didn't give a shit. I wanted this.

I was touching her and she was touching me and making noises, sexynoises. And I'd never been so hard, so close to the 'end' in my life. I could feel it- my temperature rising, sweating. Bella's tiny form, still clothed, regretfully, was beneath me; I was between her legs and I shifted, moving against her so our crotches brushed for the first time in…ever it felt like. Her dress was pooling between her thighs and over her legs, and we'd touched through that. She took charge as quickly as I had and her mouth, that mouth, those lips- the fuller bottom one and the thinner top one, grazed against my skin. Her teeth dug indents, scraped, and her tongue snuck out along my shoulders and chest as her hands slid up and down my arms.

I honestly couldn't think. All I could do was act…DO.

Her hands tangled in my hair again as the lower half of our bodies met again and she jerked me forward for another kiss.

I was kissing Bella and it was not 'just as friends;' this was raw, animalistic. I couldn't stop. Passion…love…lust…I'd lost track of time and had forgotten everything but Bella.

My hands reached beneath her dress and I lifted it up, pressing against her harder- my jeans against her underwear, my fingers digging into her thighs. I felt her nails claw into my shoulders as she dragged them over my back. She thrust up, violently at the touch and her eyes widened, meeting mine. I rotated my hips against hers again and her head arched against the carpet as she slid back. Christ, she was clothed and she looked perfect in that position…so arousing.

And I wanted to fuck her…make love to her, whatever. I wanted to give her everything I had, make her feel good, more than good…

Where was I? Were we stuck in the past? What had happened? Why…?

My hands moved up her back and I gained enough strength to release my lips from hers and kiss down the column of her neck and cleavage, which happened to be the top half of her breasts…they were a flick of fabric away from being exposed to me. I tasted her; touched her; groped her, without any boundaries, nothing. Fuck boundaries.

I was shaking and she was writing beneath me, letting out another moan as our lips met again. I couldn't stop.

* * *

_(Bella's POV)_

Oh my God, Oh my God.

"Jacob," was the only word I knew as our lips connected again. This wasn't sex, this was making out to the extreme, but, God, I was close to throwing myself over the edge, letting go of that release I wanted to relieve myself of so desperately. Jacob's hands, his mouth, his body, his skin; Jacob was consuming me.

I was sweating. My hair was plastered to my neck. I threaded my fingers through Jacob's hair again as his hand grasped my thighs and ass beneath my dress. I arched my back again, dragging my nails along his back.

I knew what was coming and I didn't want to stop it. I was so close, clinging to his back as we kissed. I reached for his belt buckle, begging, getting it loose. The second after I unlatched it, he lifted me to my feet and pressed me into the wall beside us, firmly; the walls rattled. I let out a moan as my legs encircled his waist before pulling him to my mouth again, resuming our fervent kissing. He thrust against me and I ground my hips back. Friction.

I wanted his shorts to go. I wanted my underwear to vanish in thin air. Miraculously though, my breasts hadn't slid out completely, so in all technicalities I was clothed.

The friction increased as did the tightness in my abdomen. Our mouths hadn't lost contact yet, and his hands…they were everywhere. So close. Jacob wasn't even attempting to conceal how turned on he was; he wasn't even trying to hide how much he wanted this.

So long. It'd been so fucking long. "Jacob…" I couldn't stop touching him- his abs, back, shoulders, arms, any bare skin I could reach. I loved the feeling of his muscles moving beneath my fingers.

Someone banged on the door. "Bella! Bella!" _Angela._

Kyle was next. "What the hell is going on?"

Ashley followed. "Are you okay?"

Jake and I pulled away from each other, and looked into each other's eyes. It hit both of us at the same time, what we'd just done- made out viciously on the sink, the counter, the floor, against the wall. I cupped my mouth, tears in my eyes as he backed away from me, eyes wide with horror as he reached for his shirt. I watched him walk; he was tottering, in a zig-zag motion. _Hot and bothered_.

I couldn't move from my spot against the wall, I couldn't catch my breath. I hadn't yet escaped this raging storm of desire we'd shared.

Ashley pounded on the door. "Bella!"

"I'll give you two more knocks before we come in," Kyle shouted.

"I'm fine!" I gasped. "Really, we're fine. Just…give me a few minutes."

I heard them talk amongst themselves then a sigh of aggravation from Kyle. "Fine," Angela said, angrily, and I heard footsteps going back down the stairs.

I adjusted my dress, pitching forward as my legs gave out. I was shaking. I fell to my knees, disoriented.

Jacob walked towards me- flustered, hair disheveled. Red scratch marks were fading on his neck and on his arms, beneath where his t-shirt ended- signs of what I'd afflicted on him- four years worth of desire, and we'd been clothed- all but his shirt. His lips were swollen and a crimson red blush stained his cheeks.

My stomach was clenching, pleading for more. I couldn't relax as I stood to my feet. "I'm sorry." I couldn't believe it- we'd just committed a sin- he'd cheated and it was my fault. I felt sick. I actually gagged as Chimera's face finally came to my mind, thinking of her reaction. During our…burst of passion, everything but Jake had been absent from my mind. "I'm so sorry…"

"Bella…" His voice was thick with desire; he hadn't fully recovered either.

"That shouldn't have happened. Oh God…" I clutched my stomach, bending over slightly as I balanced against the wall.

"Bella…listen to me…don't apologize."

What the hell was his deal? He looked like he was about to freak out, but he wasn't obvious about it like me.

They'd all look down on me. "I'm sorry."

"Bella," he snapped, then lowered his voice. "How many times do I need to tell you…?" He met my eyes.

I turned away. "Please. Don't. That was…" I lowered my head. "Oh my God. That was the worst…_shit_!" I fought back actual tears. The guilt…it was intense, excruciating. "This is my fault!" I opened the door to my apartment to let him out. I kept my eyes to the floor.

He sighed and I looked up. His jaw clenched as he walked past me into the hall. Then he faced me. "Bella." He gripped my forearms. Why was he touching me? He shouldn't be. I should beg for forgiveness. I almost did- bending my legs and lowering myself but he squeezed me hard and kept my upright. I glanced up at him, humiliated. His eyes bore into mine. "I was the one who kissed _you_."

"But, I should have pulled away!" I whispered, furious. "You cheated, Jake!" I hissed. "Because of me. I fucked this…us…up! How can you be so calm? I'm going to have to live with this guilt on my shoulders for-fucking_-_ever." I buried my head in my hands. My heart…God, it hurt. How could I have done that to Chimera!

"Bella," he yelled, silencing me. "I broke up with her, so stop guilt-tripping yourself over something that wasn't your fault!"

He released me and I staggered back, dumbfounded. "What?" I couldn't believe it.

He shook his head. "I can't even…carry on a proper conversation right now…"He rubbed his hands over his face. "I have to leave." Before I got a chance to respond, he sped away. I heard the door downstairs slam.

Had I heard him right?

* * *

_Was this over before_

_Before it ever began_

_Your kiss_

_Your calls_

_Three days before the wedding_

_La Push Reservation_

_The Black Residence_

I'd spent the past 24 hours mood swinging like a fucking…girl. I _was _a girl…but I shouldn't be because I wasn't PMS-ing!

I hadn't seen Jake. He was avoiding me, again. But now it was because we'd almost had sex on my living room floor…or wall…or kitchen counter…or all three. I was still tingling everywhere. He'd kissed me. _We'd almost had sex_. And then he'd blurted out he wasn't with Chimera, which made no sense, but it kind of did. I was getting to the bottom of this. I wanted to know everything about him and Chimera. Everything.

No one had called to question me. I contacted Autumn last night though and told her what happened. She said she wasn't surprised the two of us 'gave in', but was confused, for reasons I didn't understand, that Chimera and Jake split. And she yelled at me about why I would put myself in that situation. I'd said it was an accident- one that began the second I'd decided to strut around my apartment, my home, half naked, knowing no one could see anything, and would give an advanced warning before barging in on me. Leave it to Jake to go against that 'rule.'

I kept replaying what happened in my head. I thought I'd been dreaming, but the urge, the roughness, the lustbehind what had happen, I knew was real. I could still feel it. Four years of pent up sexual longing had almost been relieved that day.

I was unable to focus. It was like I was stuck in that moment. I drove up to the Black's house, hoping to get answers from Billy. He might be able to tell me something, since Jacob didn't seem to want to. It was nighttime, after dinner. I didn't see Rachel's car as I pulled in. I texted her, to ask where she was and she said she was on a date with Paul and wouldn't be back till later. Jacob's Mustang was parked in front and no other car or vehicle was present. I pulled in beside it. Nostalgia and memories overcame me as I drove up the dirt road to his house, spying the garage still erected. I remembered building bikes with Jake, when he had his luscious, beautiful, long hair. I remembered his humor, his kindness, when he was innocent, a child and not a…monster.

I hopped out of my car and pulled my jacket tighter around me, wondering why Jacob would be here. I cautiously walked up the steps and knocked on the door. I thumped it a few more times, all resulting with no responses, even as I listened closely. Nothing. I turned the knob and opened it. That was the way it was on the Reservation; most of the people that resided here weren't worried about things like a robbery or something similar happening to them, those people being the ones that knew a pack of over-sized, gigantic wolves lived among them and protected them. I pushed the door open slightly, so I could squeeze in. The only light was the stove in the kitchen and down the hall- a bathroom light. I crept in further. "Billy?" I called. "Jacob?" I said, quieter. I was close to the bathroom door now. It was across from Jake's room, and next to Rachel's. Jake's lamp was on in his room and the shower was running. Oh.

I could not prevent the delicious visions of his soaking wet body from taking over my mind. I shivered with pleasure and wrapped my arms around me as I went into his room. All of his things that I'd seen at Chimera's were there. The picture of him and his sisters with their mother was on the nightstand beside an alarm clock. I looked around the room, noticing his clothes thrown haphazardly in his closet and a t-shirt and jeans draped over the end of his bed. I had to smile; he was such a typical male.

I sat on his bed, looking around, feeling out of place, but comfortable at the same time, remembering dinner parties on the res, including the first one we'd had when Jacob and I returned from Georgia at the Black's. I recalled the girls and me changing for the club in Rachel's room. I was overcome with grief again as I realized how much I missed my life here, how much I missed fitting in.

I shouldn't be here. I stood to my feet. I didn't know what I would say to Jake. The shower shut off. I hesitated for a second or two, and then ran out of the room as fast as my legs could. As I exited the room, I collided with a hot, wet, firm body that had just left the bathroom. My eyes were level with his chest. I moved away just as quickly. "Sorry." I'd been in such a hurry. Correction: I'd crashed into a wet, warm, firm, _naked_ body, "O-Oh my God," I stuttered, backing away. Keep your eyes up, keep your eyes up…look away…I couldn't help it! I was only human after all! My eyes dipped too low and I blushed, looking up instantly, blushing deeper as I met Jacob's angry eyes.

"What are you doing here?" He reached for a towel and wrapped it around his waist. Keep in mind this all happened over the course of a few seconds…

He didn't want to play nice. "Relax, Jacob. There's no need to freak out," I hissed. "It's not like I haven't seen you naked before."

He gritted his teeth. "What do you want?" He rushed into his room and flicked off the towel. I got a nice, brief look at his backside before he pulled on the jeans that were placed at the edge of his bed. I remained in the hallway.

He faced me and crossed his arms. They looked huge, adding onto the intimidation factor I'm sure he was trying to convey…and he was nervous. He brushed past me into the kitchen. I stomped after him, glaring at his back, well aware he was trying to keep a particular distance between us. "Do you want to know why I'm here?" I said, irate. He faced me, scowling. I caught up with him, my back to the hallway. I was standing right where the kitchen and hallway meet. "I am so sick of this bullshit, Jacob."

He leaned his back against the counter. "What the fuck, Bella?"

"This." I gestured between me and him. "Doing this behind people's backs, not being able to be with you, hurting Chimera when she doesn't deserve it, agonizing in guilt over what we did, and acting ashamed…"

"There's no need to feel guilty, Bella!" I cowered. His outburst was sudden. He pointed to himself. "I left her. She and I broke up."

"I thought you were saying that to make me feel better!"

"Fuck no! Damn it, Bella, I wouldn't lie to you!"

"Then stop playing with my emotions and tell me what the fuck you want from me!" Silence. I breathed heavily.

"How oblivious are you, Bella?"

I shook my head. "What?"

"How can you just sit there and act like you think this choice is easy for me? None of it is!"

I was bewildered. "Excuse me?"

He rolled his eyes and huffed, aggravated. "I'm not you, Bella! This choice has been the most difficult decision I've ever had to make. I didn't want to leave her! But I want you, damn it! And I want her too!" I couldn't speak. My heart increased in tempo; my ears were ringing. Was he saying…? "It should be easy." He pushed off the counter and walked towards me. "It should be decided like _that_." He snapped his fingers to make his point. "I shouldn't love you anymore, but I do."

Love_._ Jake had said 'love,' in reference to _me_. Why had I ever doubted him? What did it mean? I gaped at him. "Tell me about her…everything. I need to know the truth. All of it. No avoiding any of it. Now or never. Tell me about Chimera."

He stared at me and came to a stop in front of me. "It wasn't you." His voice was soft, but firm.

I scoffed. "That makes no sense!"

"It makes perfect sense!" He spat, and paced around.

I crossed my arms and stood still. "Why?"

He stopped and frowned, thinking, biting his lips. He shook his head, peeved. "You're not going to want to hear it."

I marched towards him. "Stop it, Jake! Just stop! Right now, stop thinking about how much this is going to hurt me! I'm so fucking heartbroken I think I'm capable of handling something else. I don't think anything hurts more than the fact that I don't have you!"

"I've done nothing but think of how much this confession is going to hurt you, but fine…do you really want to know?" He bent his head.

I raised my head to meet his eyes, glaring. "Everything," I whispered curtly.

"Chimera's my imprint."

_**(I know a lot of you are going to want to exit the screen…but if you didn't catch my big, bold, underlined, italicized note earlier- READ THIS UNTIL THE VERY END. YOU WON'T REGRET IT)**_

I-I couldn't…no. My world stopped. My heart…did too. My lungs… I felt like water had flown into them and I was drowning. I couldn't take it in. I couldn't accept it. I finally gasped and took a step back, holding my head up, eyes filled with tears, as he approached me. "I-I thought I ruined imprinting for you?" I don't know how managed to say something…say anything. It was a forced, pained, barely audible whisper.

"You know what the problem is? It didn't change anything. I still want you, And…I don't understand it. It's like…I imprinted wrong…like, _I'm_ wrong, or messed up."

"When?" I croaked. I couldn't even look at him. I kept my eyes to the floor, stepping back as he stepped forward with his hands outstretched, dying to comfort me. "How…?"

"It's like it didn't happen when I first met her." I started crying. "Bella, I can stop now if you want me too."

"No! Keep going, please." I made the mistake of looking at his face and into his eyes. They were heartbroken, and that I couldn't understand.

He took a deep breath. "I was so screwed up when I first met her. I didn't realize I had imprinted until I saw her again. The longing for her presence didn't exist until you left. Even then it was so…meager, because I was upset over you. You and I…we'd shared something, you know? We were in love…you and me…and then you vanished from my life for years."

"When did you first meet her?" He opened his mouth to say something and shook his head. "Jacob." I clenched my teeth; my heart was breaking piece by piece. It's like it wanted to draw this pain out, more so than ever before.

His eyes met mine. "Canada."

That did it. I forgot my pain, how upset I was, and my heartbreak and I saw red, nothing but blood red. I was livid. "You have got to be fucking kidding me!" He cringed. I honestly didn't care."You had sex with her…your _fucking imprint_ before…you and I were together! And you didn't tell me? Jacob, I gave you everything!" I pushed him hard. He backed away into the wall, dismayed. "And you never told me! Even after I befriended her! You saw us Jake! We were friends! Fuck you!" Tears obscured my vision. "You kept it from me! God damn it! I love her! She's a friend, and now this?" I knew I kept repeating things. I couldn't process any of my words correctly, I was so angry. "This…this is fucking…fuck you!" I shoved him again. "I have to get out of here, now."

"No." Jacob latched onto my arm. "Bella, please." I shook him off and jogged outside the door.

I felt so betrayed…by both of them. I sprinted down the steps and stumbled at the last once. I brushed him off as he reached to help me up and I crawled to my feet, tears streaming down my face.

"Bella!" He called after me as I fumbled with my keys. "It wasn't like that! I didn't know! She was a sexual partner, a release, what I wanted at the time to get over you."

"Was she any good? Did the sex rock you world?"

"Yes, it was great," he said quietly.

Way to hit below the belt, at least…for a girl.

I pushed him. "Oh, fuck you!"

"But there's a difference between sex and making love, Bella!"

"When?" I whirled around to see him standing a few feet away.

He stopped in his tracks, puzzled. "What?"

"When was she your 'sex buddy?' Was it before you found me in Georgia or after I left to save all of you?"

"Before Georgia, before I knew you and I would even be together. I thought you were dead! Imprinting isn't something I can control, Bella."

"You lied to me about that! You lied about the biggest fucking thing ever! Was I a game to you…a-a plaything?"

"Never! Don't ever think that. She was my 'cure,' Bella and I regret the shit I did with her every fucking day. We were both fucked up. She was…she'd been kicked out of her house. It was the darkest time of my life, Bella! You were going to be one of them!"

"Does it ever matter now, Jake? That…that was…"

He nodded his head. "The biggest mistake I ever made." He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "And I knew I should have told you! But it never crossed my mind! I didn't think of her once while I was with you for those three months. I didn't need her. I was happy, in love with you, and I was going to fucking marry you! And then you left! You dropped me again…for Edward!"

I rolled my eyes, annoyed. "I can't believe we're still talking about him! I told you about that! I told you everything! Why I left, why I had to force you to believe me. That's done! You and Chimera aren't! You can never be!"

Our voices were echoing in the night. I figured it would be a matter of minutes before someone found us.

"If it wasn't for her, Bella, I wouldn't have come home. Julius said he had 'connections' when he, Seth, Leah, Embry, and Quil found me. Chimera told him where I was, how fucked up I was and how I was so deep in my own depression, leading a life that wasn't like me, one that I'll regret until I die." I didn't like him talking about death. It didn't matter how infuriated I was with him, I didn't want to think about losing him.

I didn't want to think about any of this.

"She…I owe her my life back. She sent me back home where I found out the truths that lead me to you."

I threw my hands up. "She's your fucking imprint, Jake!"

"There are some days where it doesn't feel like it, especially since you came back. I don't feel that strong of a connection. I told you, I didn't even know I imprinted on her until I saw her again." He sounded like he was about to lose his voice. Me too. We'd been in a screaming match for several minutes now.

I didn't understand how he couldn't have known he'd imprinted on her, at first sight, but I had a feeling he probably couldn't explain it well enough so I settled for another thing to discuss. "Is that why Julius was accepted into this Pack? Because of Chimera? Because he was the one that lead the 'search party' for you?" I'd finally managed to control my voice enough.

He gnawed on his lips. "Yes."

An unpleasant silence passed between us. I could hear the water in the creek nearby, the bugs chirping in the night, the wind in the trees and my heart splintering again…and again. "You're choice is already made for you." I turned back to my car.

He reached for my arm. "No, it's not." My knees buckled and my eyes watered again at the sweet, caring, loving tone in his voice. "Look at me, honey." He squeezed my arm. I faced him. He cupped my cheek and wiped my tears away as his own eyes brimmed with unshed tears.

I tried to shake him off, grasping at his wrists. "Jake, please don't do this to me."

He wasn't having it, so I relaxed my hands, biting my lips to hold back tears. "Was she your first?" I don't know why I'd asked. I had to know everything.

"Yes," he whispered. "She taught me…everything." Bile rose in my throat and I ripped his hands from my face, flinging open the door. "Bella, come on. I don't want to lose you. I'll figure this out…I love you."

I couldn't even bask in those words. It was like they meant nothing now. Was he saying he loved me as a friend…or more?

None of this made any sense. "But you broke up with her! I thought you couldn't be away from her?"

"I did because I need to decide who I want to be with."

"Jake…" I massaged my temples. "There is no competition." Our eyes locked. "How much clearer can I make it to you? She's won."

"That's not true." Tears leaked from his eyes. "She'll be what I need her to be…"

"Comfort when I left?"

"That's what she was and it became something more, because she didn't reject me. Bella, it took my over a year of dating her to realize I loved her."

"Jake, stop…" I couldn't take this. I wanted to smack his chest. And I did. I hit him repeatedly. "Just stop," I pleaded. I pounded until my wrists felt weak. He let me, watching me. My attempts had been half-assed in the first place- I was so hurt. It probably felt like I was tapping him. I stood there, looking at his chest, my stomach twisting in knots as every sob that wanted to escape was swallowed down.

"I haven't said it to her yet."

My eyes widened and I glanced up at him. He hadn't told her he loved her.

"Bella, if I lose you again, I don't think I can handle it, at least in a healthy manner. But if I lose her, it'd wear me down. I have to keep you both close to me. But my mind is beyond fucked up at this point that I have no idea who I want as a friend, or a lover. I can't have both, something you should be well aware of. It was your life for a brief period of time."

He loved me. He still loved me. But did it even matter anymore?

I sniffled and freed myself from his arms, getting into the car. I would still fight for my place. I didn't know why I thought I could, but I was going to. I needed to think and cry _alone_. Or maybe I wouldn't cry. I didn't want to…so I'd settle for thinking. I needed sleep, badly. And right now, knowing that my questions were answered and my suspicions confirmed because the secret was out, I didn't need to be near Jacob. Not now.

_This was over before_

_Before it ever began_

_Your lips_

_Your lies_

_Your lust_

_Like the devil's in your hands_

* * *

_(Jacob's POV)_

I was overwhelmed and heartbroken for the millionth time, fearing I'd lost Bella for good because I'd told the truth. I couldn't accept it because it didn't make sense.

The second her car pulled out of my driveway the tremors overcame my body and I phased. I ran directly to the elder's meeting, which was going on at one of the main halls on the Reservation. They were grouped around a crackling fire. Sam was there too. I wanted proof of the imprint because something wasn't right.

I think that'd been it for Bella and me…imprinting wasn't something my kind could control. I hated the concept of imprinting, so much, but I did love Chimera and all the wolves, including me, wanted to find their soul mates. I thought Bella was, but I wasn't sure…Or maybe I was still swimming in that sea of denial.

They weren't surprised to see me when I emerged from the trees, clothed again. I proceeded to explain to them everything, why I was here, what I needed to know, and then I was escorted away for a while after I divulged every detail about Chimera and Bella, and my relationship with them. Sam had listened intently, much more than any of the others, which said something, because they all heavily concentrated on me. The question had been plaguing my mind since Bella came back, but a kiss had put things in perspective, and my brain demanded I speak with the elders.

Thirty minutes later, the time of which I spent pacing around in human form, Sam called me and met me at the edge of the property. I faced him, worried. "You've got yourself in quite the predicament, Jacob."

I sneered. "You noticed. Similar to the one you got yourself into right?"

"No, not at all." The way he said it, completely casual, was kind of grating my nerves.

"What the hell, Sam? I know I imprinted." I bowed up to him. I'd gotten taller…it made sense, being the true Alpha and all that bullshit.

It hit me. I was the true Alpha. I was destined to be one.

I was different. I always had been- disobeying Sam and hinting heavily at my 'furry' secret to Bella after I first started phasing, visiting her against his orders, running away. I was bigger, stronger, and faster than the others. It wasn't gloating; it was the truth.

"Jacob." Sam crossed his arms and began to walk a circle around me. I followed his every move and our eyes never faltered from each other. "You didn't imprint on Chimera." There wasn't even a flicker of a lie on his features, in his eyes, in his words, anywhere.

"How would you know?"

"Because, if you had, Bella's absence and Bella's return wouldn't have affected you as much. You wouldn't have been able to betray Chimera and spend all that time with Bella." Betray. I hatedthat word. I wanted to retort, but I allowed him to continue. "You wouldn't have felt such a strong physical attraction to Bella that someone completely human can pick up from across the room. You wouldn't have been able to give in to that desire like you did yesterday." Yeah, I'd told them _that_ too. "Your father agrees, Jacob. He's been suspicious from the start."

"What?" Another shocker. Start counting…

"You forced yourself to believe you imprinted on Chimera so you could get over Bella. It never happened," he explained calmly. He sounded a lot like the leech doctor actually, which was…scary.

"But…" I was baffled. "When I saw her, after she came back with Julius, the first day she came to the reservation, she wasn't…a slut, or fucked up. I saw her in a new light…"

"Because she _had _changed, Jake." He smiled. "She wasn't the same and honestly, I can't imagine you trying to love another girl besides Bella unless it was Chimera. People see that in other companions- the change. They don't need ancient magic or nature to help them decide that. Its intuition, instinct, it's notimprinting."

"But you loved Leah, right, even after you imprinted?"

"Not as much. I don't think of her like that anymore. She's getting married. I'm happy for her; she deserves it. I couldn't be away from Emily. You fell for someone else, Jake. Again, it happens naturally. You believed the imprint, which doesn't exist between you and Chimera. Jacob, you wouldn't still be in love with Bella almost five years after you supposedly 'imprinted' on Chimera." He paused. "Let me ask you this…has your love for Bella ever lessened over the past few years, at all, even the slightest, even a mere fraction?"

I thought about it for a minute or two. "No, not at all." I raised my head. "It's like I love her more everyday; it won't go away." Another light bulb went off in my head. "Did I imprint on Bella?"

"No," Sam laughed. "Jake you loved Bella before you ever started going through your 'changes.' You love her because it's fate, it's all you, not our ancestors and the force we call 'imprinting.' You wouldn't have survived without her the past few years if you had imprinted on her. You loved her, Jake. You were hurting but you were fine. Chimera, she's always been strong Jake. Think of how fucked up her life has been. She survived all of itand came out of the smoke as a better person. She helped you through that pain, as a friend, and even as a girlfriend, because it's who she is."

"The pack…everyone believes I imprinted on Chimera," I said, suddenly concerned.

"Because you believed you had. It was all in your thoughts. You wouldn't have been able to leave her in Canada if you had, you wouldn't have been able to be with Bella, to love her as much as you did in your relationship with her and you wouldn't be so indecisive now. You _did not_ imprint. Your soul mate has been there…" He pointed to my chest, right where my heart was, "…for a while now." His hand was still directed towards my heart. "_There_ is where who you want most resides, deep down…so tell her."

My sudden burst of happiness dissipated. "I can't." My smile faded. "Chimera and I…agreed to not let it be known that we weren't together anymore yet so Leah can have her wedding."

"I'm sure everyone will find out before then, Jake," he chuckled. "But, I agree. I love Leah, I always have and I always will. This wedding should be perfect for her, she deserves nothing less."

"Bella…" I whispered and rested my head in my hands as I sat down on a small rock formation behind me, right inside the thicket of trees. "She…I just told her…about the imprint."

Sam rolled his eyes. "I heard. I may not be phasing anymore, but I still have keen senses."

I laughed quietly, and then frowned. "I…love Chimera, Sam, I do." I looked up at him. "I don't think I can handle being with Bella again. It hurts. Her and I…we've been through a lot…her choosing Edward, me thinking she was turned, leaving me and making up a bunch of shit I had to believe so she could protect us, and now coming back and being close to me, but still far, you know?"

"You and Chimera have gone through a lot to. There was her jail time, her 'boss,' her being arrested for being at the scene of a murder, her sexual abuse, getting kicked out of her home. And then there you were…with your 'girls,' her being one of them, and your recklessness to run away, disobeying my orders, your indecisiveness and messing with these girls emotions because you aren't sure what you want, and your anger issues, your 'pain management,' you heartbreak over Bella. Chimera helped you through your pain over Bella when you thought she was going to marry Cullen, and after Bella left after months of the two of you finally experiencing that chance you deserved with each other, so of course, you'd fall for her, but…"

I stared straight ahead. "She's my first, Sam."

"I understand that that's something you can't let go of easily." Leah, of course. She and Sam were each other's firsts. "But, look," he sighed. "I'm not going to dictate to you about who I think you should choose. I get that you love them both. And now you're making a decision based on your heart, not some 'magic trick.' I don't regret imprinting on Emily, because I love her more than anything and she's made everything perfect for me. We have two children and a home together. But I completely understand why you would hate the idea."

I sniggered. He grinned. "You'll figure it out, Jacob." I stood up and he reached for my arm as I began to debate when I'd tell Bella and Chimera that the imprint wasn't real. "But," he snarled, gripping my shoulder. "Don't you dare cause any trouble at Leah's wedding…your ass will be fed to your pack if you do."

I saluted him, grinning playfully. "Yes, sir."

My first thought was to tell Bella. I called several times and there no answer. I went to see her, but her friends told me to stay away if I knew what was good for me. And I did, respecting their wishes as much as I wanted to sneak through her window and tell her everything, tell her I'd been wrong. Like she would even listen.

So I called Chimera. She answered and told me to 'fuck off,' before hanging up. I stopped by her house and she slammed the door in my face and blasted her music as loud as possible so she couldn't hear me trying to explain what was going on.

They needed space. I resigned to the point of accepting that need. But the rejection from the both of them hurt_…_more so with Bella, although it almost terrified me to admit it.

And my heart broke again.

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(A/N: :insert evil laugh: I hope I fooled a lot of you ;) Now, poor Jake has to decide between two girls and an imprint _**is not**_ involved. Should be easy, right? _Nope…_for now it isn't =) He promised to cause no drama at Leah's wedding, right, which includes the next couple of days leading up to it, obviously. **Aren't you relieved the imprint's a fake? **=))


	29. Bella

Disclaimer: blah blah see previous chapters blah. Lyrics: Never Again- Kelly Clarkson. I mention all of the songs they dance to throughout the chapter.

(A/N: Thanks for the reviews, faves, and alerts! Congrats to **WhackedB** for being my _700__th_ review! If ya'll are still with me, you all know now that Jacob **DID NOT** imprint on Chimera. Also, thanks to all of you who rec'd songs- you expanded my IPod playlist; I've been dying for new music for a while now. Special thanks to **frosty1974, SweetLilB, jharv241, Jacobzlover, , ForeverDreamland, ImaginaryHeart, I'llBeWaitingInTheWings, missmelissa09, **and **goose14226**! If you're name isn't there it's only because I didn't choose your song for this chapter; there are three chapters coming up that have dancing in them, so you may notice I used songs you listed then =) **Warning:** This is a **sexy** chapter and there is a _sexual act_ that happens at the end, as well as some dirty dialogue. Also, FYI, most of the characters are of drinking age, except, like, Jacob, Quil, and Seth)

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**********_**Things you won't want to miss**_: All the songs I used in this chapter are compiled in a playlist on my YouTube account _**IN ORDER**_. I highly suggest playing them when they're mentioned! There's _a lot_ and the songs really set the mood and give you a 'visual.' Also, I made graphics for the club, the girl's outfits and the guys (most of them), posted in my photo bucket account; check them out! _**IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO THIS STORY IT'S THERE, OKAY**_?) _**All above are linked in my profile!**_ **IMPORTANT: **Remember, Bella _**does**__**not**_know the imprint isn't real! She hasn't spoken to Jacob since they fought and she 'found out.' **********

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**Chapter 27: Bella**

_Does it hurt to know I'll never be there?_

_Bet it sucks, to see my face everywhere_

_Two days before the wedding_

_Bella's apartment_

_(Bella's POV)_

I woke up to 'I Gotta Feeling' by the Black Eyed Peas blasting from my CD player in the corner of my room, beside my dresser. I yanked my pillow over my ears, too lazy to get up and shut the damn thing off. I heard a cackle and whipped the pillow off to see Autumn and Kyle standing in my doorway, acting like they hadn't turned on my radio. Kyle was holding something behind his back, grinning stupidly. "You guys," I whined and slumped into my bed, sighing for effect.

Autumn pulled my sheets down. "Up!"

I buried my head in the pillow and swatted at her. "Go away." I was nota morning person.

"Bella," Kyle coaxed and I felt the bed dip beneath his weight as he settled beside me. "You've been miserable. We're here to cheer you up."

I opened one eye to glance at them. Kyle was hunched over me and Autumn was standing beside my bed, pouting. I rolled my eyes. "Fine." I sat up and went to stand but Kyle put a hand on my chest and gave me a gentle push, stopping me. "You stay." He patted my hair down, like a_ cat_. I arched an eyebrow.

Autumn whistled, up to something, and ripped opened the curtains to reveal…wet weather. "I have not been alone with my best friend in a long time," she scolded me playfully. She chucked a throw pillow at me that had somehow ended up on my floor. I remembered I tossed and turned frequently last night; the signs were all around me: my covers were twisted around my body and the sheet that covered my mattress was half-off. Autumn straightened the blankets out. "Autumn," I said, annoyed.

"Don't try and tell me to stop." She finished and sat beside me, crossing her legs.

"What are you two doing?" I looked between the both of them, suspicious.

"Making you feel better," Kyle said. "You know that man-bitch stopped by last night? He asked to see you. We told him you should be left alone, or you might, you know, bitch-slap him."

My heart skipped a beat. I chuckled at the 'man-bitch' and 'bitch-slap' comments. "He was here?"

"Uh, duh." Ashley chimed as she and Angela walked in, carrying a tray with a pile of waffles, coated with syrup, whip cream, and strawberries, all elegantly decorated, as well as a tall glass of milk. "Breakfast in bed, for our dear Bella." She positioned it on top of me.

"You guys…" I blushed, eyes falling over all of them as Angela handed me a steaming cup of Starbuck's coffee. "Really…you didn't have to…"

"It's what we do." Angela bounced on her heels. "Comfort with no questions asked."

"So yeah, about that…" Kyle stroked his clean-shaven face. He smiled. "What the fuck happened that night…and the day before with…the uh, walls?"

"I…" I glanced at Autumn. She shrugged, informing me with her eyes to 'say something if you want to.' I faced the others. "Don't worry about it." I began eating. _Because it's not something I could explain that you'd all understand, apart from Autumn_. I paused, mid bite and looked at Kyle_. _"Kyle, sweetie," my mouth was full. He snickered. "You were hiding something behind your back when you came in. Give it up." I nodded to his lap where a pile of black, silky fabric was folded over once, neatly in his hands.

He stood up and Ashley and Angela gathered around him. "I threw something together for you last minute for tonight."

Tonight was Leah and Eric's combined bachelor-bachelorette party. Oh God. "Kyle." I buried my head in my hands. "Please tell me you didn't make a dress for me." I peeked through my fingers at him. His grin widened. "I could have bought or re-worn one." He looked absolutely appalled at the idea of me re-wearing a dress, much like Alice would have reacted in this situation.

"You're going to wear it," Ashley said. "And you'll be the hottest girl in the club." Autumn nudged me after Ashley's comment, giggling. I elbowed her, blushing which only provoked her to laugh harder.

"You have to trust my skills_, Mademoiselle Bella_," Kyle mimicked a perfect French accent. He unfolded the dress in one swift movement, hanging it in front of him.

My mouth dropped, Autumn mumbled an 'Oh', Angela and Ashley beamed, while Kyle gave off a wave of being the 'king of the world' with a Julius-like smug smile in place. "I…Hell no, Kyle!" I set my tray aside and stood to my feet to get a closer look. He laughed at my expression, flipping the dress over repeatedly so I could examine the front and the back.

The gown was black, made of silk, with a white tie under the bust. It was sexy, very sexy, literally the sexiest piece of clothing I'd ever seen. It was low cut and the dip would end at the bottom of my breasts. Thick straps held it around my neck and concealed what shouldn't be exposed (or so I hoped), but that made no difference. The back of the dress was spilt in the back to just above the curve of my butt and I figured the dress wouldn't go much past the top of my thighs. And it looked tight. I knew Kyle. I knew how he worked; the man knew the precise measurements of my body because it was part of his profession and I had no doubt this dress would fit like a second skin. I inspected the fabric as he handed it over to me. "Thank you." I jumped into his arms and he returned my embrace with one of his typical hugs, which included swinging me around with my legs outstretched.

I leaned back against the bed and they hovered around me, talking as I ate. I loved having friends like this. It was what we did, like Angela had said; Cooking for each other was only one way to show we cared or were concerned. _Support._ Eventually, I convinced the others to go back to work. I'd taken the next few days off for the wedding, knowing I'd likely suffer a massive hangover tomorrow. Autumn stayed though and I spilled, telling her what happened after I shared the kiss with Jacob, when I visited the Black's and found out about the imprint. I shuddered and almost broke down thinking about it. Then he'd said he loved me, and I wasn't sure what that meant in regards to the situation we'd found ourselves in. Autumn listened without a single sign she was absentminded. I asked her why she didn't tell me about the imprint. She responded with 'It wasn't my place to tell you; besides he doesn't think it actually happened.' ThatI couldn't believe, but I _did_…I don't know…I was angry and heartbroken. I wouldn't let it affect my good time with my friends tonight. It would be first night I'd gone out with them since we went to the same club four years ago.

What I couldn't promise was how I'd act around Chimera. I couldn't picture myself being nice, or even avoiding her. I'd have to be civil or I'd hit her. She knew about the imprint; she could have told me as well. Jacob was another story. I had no idea how I'd act when I saw him again. Would I jump on him, punch him, avoid him, or be normal as I could be?

Autumn told me that last night Jacob had showed up at her and Embry's doorstep, drunk, saying things like 'she's not my imprint, but no one's going to believe me…Bella hates me.' Had he honestly not imprinted? That wasn't what he told me. I stopped thinking about it and allowed myself to feel sorrow, and pain, over Jacob showing up in that state. We talked about all the 'craziness' that was bound to happen tonight. She invited me over to get dressed with her and the girls at Leah's, but I declined and told her the truth- I knew they'd all arrive at the club together and I didn't want to see Chimera, or her with Jacob as much as I could. I knew they were broken up, because he loved me too. He _loved_ me. How was that possible?

I remember Kyle saying how Jake had came by last night begging to speak with me. Had he visited the elders and had they said he didn't imprint? Where was I getting all these ideas from? Why did I believe so strongly that he hadn't? I'd stayed up most of the night thinking about it more than I should have, and I concluded maybe he thought he'd imprinted but he really didn't. Again, I'd only get the answer from him. Autumn said that Embry mentioned Jake had blocked his thoughts more than usual during his run last night. Had Jacob even slept? Now I was worried about him and puzzled, again. Mood-swings, much?

Autumn left around five to meet up with the girls for dinner. She pleaded with me to tag along one last time for a good 10 minutes before realizing I wasn't going to and I'd see them later. Shortly after she left, after I'd gone downstairs to eat dinner with my 'roomies,' Chinese take-out, I received a call from Brian. He'd taken his girlfriend back to the airport and had missed the 'dinner crowd.' She'd visited for a day. I told him I wasn't arriving with them and he offered to be my 'date' to the club. I was exhilarated at the idea. I accepted and he said he'd be over around 9:00.

After his call I went back downstairs and began to convince Ashley, Angela, and Kyle to go with me. The last time I'd danced in a club had been in my junior year for my 21st birthday. I'd restrained then, but planned to let loose tonight and remind a certain someone why he wanted me. Kyle had a date, so he would be attending a late dinner with his new man. A midnight stroll and a trip to his date's place would follow. _Always the romantic_. Angela and Ashley were excited, and more than a little eager to go, so around 7:30 we parted ways to lock ourselves in our separate apartments to shower. We'd dress- clothes, hair, and makeup- in my bathroom, since I'd somehow gained the largest one in the house. I took my time, knowing Ashley would take the longest no matter the circumstances.

I thought of everything Jacob liked about me. I hadn't forgotten. 'Black' looked good on me, as Autumn had said once, and I was thankful Kyle had made a dress that predominately featured that color. Jake was also an 'ass guy;' it was his rebuttal to my 'abs girl' comment. I hadn't tried the dress on but I hope it showed off that attribute. Vanilla was his favorite smell, strawberries as well, but there was something more sensual about Vanilla. I lathered my body with Vanilla body wash that contained a hint of coconut, scrubbing everywhere. I wouldn't be 'getting any' but Kyle has always said to dress like you will 'get some' because it increases confidence.

I loved that guy.

The strawberries were for my hair, which I washed several times for a shiny effect. Every guy I'd dated (yeah, all three of them…so many. _Sarcasm_) loved that scent. This had a hint pomegranate and it smelled amazing. I then shaved all the key spots (Venus razors worked miracles).

I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around me, tucking it under my arms as my drenched hair leaked onto my shoulders. I slipped into a black thong. I couldn't wear a bra with this dress either, according to Kyle. He said it was _that_ snug; I'd be uncomfortable if I did. I kept another towel around my shoulders so it covered my breasts. To this day, Jake was the only person that had…seen them. I was actually embarrassed thinking about it, but I wanted it to stay that way, for now. I wrapped my hair in a shorter towel as Angela knocked and asked if I was decent. "It's open," I called out. She strolled into the bathroom wearing purple lace bikini underwear and a matching strapless bra. She hung her simple, strapless, black dress on the door and squealed (a very non-Angela like sound). "I'm so excited!" She hugged me.

I returned the embrace, mouth splitting into a huge grin. "I can tell."

"Bella, I have never seen you dance like a dirty girl. I'm looking forward to it." Ashley had definitely rubbed off on her.

"Me too. I know she has it in her." Ashley sauntered in, in nothing but a white, skinny thong with her wet hair coiled in a bun high on her head.

"Ashley, do you mind. Show some courtesy and stop flashing your ample boson in my presence, please?"

She hung her silvery-white strapless dress in the doorway over Angela's and tickled me. I giggle and thrashed around, fighting back. "Get over it," she teased. "They aren't that big." Angela was pressing her breasts together in the mirror, smirking. "I think Angela has us both beat." Ashley pushed Angela aside as both of them broke out their hair dryers and a straightener.

Ashley burst out laughing. "Go on…be jealous." I smiled. I was glad these girls remained alongside me after all these years and I was _still_ friends with them even now.

Ashley motioned for me as she pulled out her hair with her free hand, flinging the hair tie on the counter. "Bella, get over here." I shuffled over and pulled my towel from my head, squeezing the ends of my sopping wet hair one more time and facing the mirror.

"Besides," Angela smiled as she began blow drying her long, thick, dark brown locks. "You may have the best body, Ashley, and I may win in the 'boobs' category, but Bella's man, who she almost got it on with on the living room floor is sexier than any guy we've dated or even seen, to be honest."

Ashley laughed and pinched my cheek as I ducked my head and blushed. "Lucky bitch." She hit my butt with a towel.

"Shut up." I was blushing.

Angela straightened her hair before running her fingers through it and twirling it to create soft waves. Ashley already had stick straight hair to begin with, so after it dried she added hairspray for volume. She looked like a rock star. She squeezed into her dress and began applying makeup with Angela. I was having trouble. This would the first time since I last lived in Washington that I was making a huge effort to look my best. I blow dried my hair, but it fell in limps curls over my shoulders and the top of my back. I began styling with the straightener tool before Ashley and Angela took charge and guided me so I perched on the edge of the counter. They squirted mousse in my hair and gave it a polished look, bringing out the darkest brown shades. Next they sprayed it with hairspray, and while doing so, made me flip my hair over countless times to tease at the roots and throughout. The final result was a sexy, just out of bed look.

Angela changed into her dress, pulling it down extra low for cleavage as Ashley put the final touches on her makeup and I began applying mine. Jacob liked it bare minimum, but he loved my natural blush and my eyes, so I played them up. I chose light foundation to even out my skin tone, but not hide my freckles completely, a peachy rose blush and black eyeliner with dark brown metallic eye shadow. My eyes popped and their chocolate brown hue was exaggerated. "Holy shit," Angela looked over at me, painting her lips in a berry-red lipstick, which looked perfect on her skin. "Bella, you look…sexy." Ashley moved in front of me and brushed her thumbs against my eyelids, fluffed my hair once and applied pinkish gloss to my lips before seizing my shoulders and turning me back to the mirror.

"I'm bringing sexy back," Ashley sang, resting her hands on my waist and shaking her hips. I danced with her, laughing.

Minutes, later, after putting on my dress, I was awed to see that it showed every curve, and I was grateful I was skinny, because it wouldn't look right if I was heavier. Kyle could make all sizes- big, average, small- look fantastic. Ashley and Angela shouted from my living room, asking me to check myself out in the mirror out there (_no cheating, _they'd warned). I dug through my heels in my closet, selecting the strappy, high-heeled pair I hadn't worn since my last visit to Red Secrets. My stomach clenched painfully as I paused over my box of pictures. I retrieved one particular item from the depths of the container before I darted into the living room to escape my 'memories,' only to face new ones made by the floor…and sink…and counter…and wall.

I forced the images down and glanced in the mirror in the living room. I looked matured, and even better than my last trip there. Older. I examined myself at every angle, admiring the massive cleavage the dress supplied for someone so small, appreciating how my stomach looked, and how round and full my hips and butt appeared. I was a woman. My legs gave off the impression that they were long and my back…I knew my back was Jacob's weakness, proven even more by the kiss-that-was-almost-sex and the way he reacted to it. It was exposed and the dress sloped in a V shape, mimicking the front, except this side ended above my behind.

I'd put on Autumn's necklace and Jacob's bracelet- not the wolf charm, but the one he'd given me the day I found out I had to leave Forks, with the simple leather strand with the wolf and girl charm, as well as the wooden engraving. _Love, destiny. Jake and Bells_, complete with the J and B and the heart in between. It would be the first time I'd adorned my wrist with it since he'd given it to me. It hurt to put it back on, but I wanted to wear it.

The three of us, fully clothed, carefully walked arm in arm down the steps to greet Kyle. He'd chosen to wait long enough to see us before he took off to meet his date for the night.

"Ladies," Kyle said, deepening his voice on purpose. "I may decide to bat for the other team tonight…" I appeared at the foot of the stairs as Ashley and Angela tucked themselves under Kyle's arms and hugged him on either side. He gaped at me when he saw me. "Foursome, much?"

Brianwas beside Kyle, leaning against the doorframe. Oh, he looked _good_. He had on a black, tight t-shirt, a black leather jacket with dark denim jeans. His hair was disheveled and his blue eyes were achingly beautiful. I was lucky he'd be dancing with me. "Who is that sexy fox walking down the steps?" He smiled, eyeing me appreciatively. I hugged Kyle and muttered a thank you before greeting Brian with a hug. His hands didn't linger and he didn't hold me for longer than necessary; he _was _a decent guy. "It can't be Bella Swan…impossible…" He shook his head, pretending to be shocked.

I smacked him out of frustration. "I can be sexy too, you know."

We followed Kyle, Ashley and Angela into the den located on the first floor that we barely used. Kyle held a huge bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey. The strongest alcohol we owned. He arranged five shot glasses for each of us along the wooden coffee table and squished his frame between Angela and Ashley on the couch. Brian and I slinked in; his arm was draped over my shoulders. "So," he whispered out of the corner of his mouth. "Girl-Next-Door one day to Playboy-bunny-sex-goddess the next?" His eyes were full of mischief. "I find new things about you every day." I elbowed him in the ribs. We took seats on the opposite side of the table; I sat in the chair and he was outstretched on the floor beside me. Kyle opened the bottle and we jerked backwards, laughing as the foam gushed over the sides.

Ashley threw in a dirty joke. "That's a symbol of how wonderful Kyle's night will be."

Kyle winked and poured shots for all of us. "Let's get this party started!" We raised our glasses. I was getting drunk tonight, despite my mind telling me 'don't do it.' I was 23 years old, heartbroken, and hoping for a chance to let go of the pain for one night and allow myself a good time for Leah's sake. "Now I demand everyone toasts to their plan for the night, starting with me." Kyle pretended to be lost in thought. Brian tickled my ankle and I kicked his shin, smiling. "I will get laid tonight, finally."

"Yeah, because it's sodifficult for you," Ashley said sarcastically as she inched to the edge of the couch. She cleared her throat. "I will flirt and dance with at least twenty guys, and I'll hook up with one before the night ends."

I missed the days where hooking up meant making out. Now it meant much more.

"Hmmm…that's hard to beat." Angela smiled. "I will table dance and have at least ten guys offer to buy me drinks before the night ends."

Brian inclined his head and raised his glass towards her. "I will assist Bella here…" My eyes widened at the mention of my name. "…with her plan to make _someone_ jealous and unable to control himself." He smiled evilly at me.

I chewed on my lower lip. This could be a fun night. Maybe, the Black Eyed Peas predicted correctly this morning. "I will have Jacob Black begging for my attention by the end of the night. He won't be able to resist me…again." That was my bitchy side sneaking out, always enhanced due to alcohol.

"To the night!" We clanked our glasses together before downing the liquid in one gulp. I cringed at the taste and covered my mouth as the alcohol began to work its magic. Kyle poured us two more shots and by then, I had a buzz going.

A burst of confidence made its appearance as Brian walked me outside to his car as Ashley and Angela drove off in the Lexus.

He drove a metallic gray Lamborghini Murcielago. I'd be arriving in style.

_I gotta feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night, _echoed in my ears.

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Brian's car was fast. I was holding onto the handle while this masterpiece of a vehicle whipped around corners. 'Forever' by Drake, Kayne West, Lil' Wayne, and Eminem played from the speakers.

Jacob's Mustang was all muscle, and was clearly heaven to any set of ears. And the vibrations that went through it felt spectacular. Brian's car was exquisite to look at, while Jake's was sexy and strong through and through. _Jesus, I'm comparing __**cars**__._ "When the hell did you get a Lamborghini?" I turned to him, grinning. He smiled and kept his eyes to the road. "I don't remember a car looking like this as Leah's. Did you even drive your car there?"

"Ever heard of owning two cars, Bella?"

I laughed and faced the windshield, grasping my head. "I'm a bit tipsy, so shut up." I backhanded his arm.

"So is that shit true…that you can dance?"

I glanced at him again. "Maybe," I teased. "I know _you_ can."

"I'm a great dance partner." He sounded like a child whining on purpose. I threw my head back, laughing as we slowed to the main drag in downtown Port Angeles. "But are you, is the question." He placed a hand on my face, like a claw and I batted at it, both of us grinning like a bunch of idiots. We probably looked like _drunken_ idiots.

"You'll have to wait and see…"

He smirked. "So, your goal is to seduce Jacob to the point where he can't keep his hands off you and punches me repeatedly in the face?"

I gaped at him and shoved him again. "And have fun with my girls and the guys," I chuckled. "I can't promise you won't get pummeled though."

He hid a smile. "You should dance off with Chimera."

"Oh God." I rested my head against the headrest. "Seriously?" I looked over at him. "The girl is walking sex. She'd win." My voice lowered and I was depressed, again. _Cheer up, darling_.

"Yeah, but you have an awesome dance buddy. And once there's more alcohol in your system you'll be…on top." He winked suggestively.

"Ha Ha," I laughed sarcastically.

We slowed to a snail's pace in front of the club. It was packed, more so than I remembered. The bass was deafening. The line winded around the side and the back of the club, out into the road. People stepped out of the way as Brian pulled into a roundabout. "Where are we going?"

"Valet parking." His sapphire eyes gleamed. He put the car in park and got out, motioning to the keys in the ignition as he spoke to one of the assistants. "If that shit isn't in one piece when I leave later, and if anything is missing from inside it, your ass is getting fired and you're buying me a new car." The guy looked positively terrified. Brian smiled and patted the guys back. "Good. We're clear." He slung off his leather jacket and helped me out of the car.

I stood to the side while he threw his coat into the passenger seat. We walked away from the car as one of the handler's drove it to a nearby, roped off parking lot right across the street from the entrance. Brian draped an arm over my shoulders to guide me as we approached the crowd outside the door. He stepped ahead of me and conversed with the bouncer.

N.E.R.D.'s 'Lap Dance' began to play from within the club. One of the hottest beats I'd ever heard.

"The, uh, Eric Richardson and Leah Clearwater party," Brian explained to the guard. "Chimera works here? She arranged it. Brian and Bella." The security guard flipped through the papers in his clipboard and nodded, unlatching the rope for us to enter.

The place was revamped. We'd entered in from the second floor, where the only entrance was, alongside the VIP section. I peered over the railing to check out the dance floor. Several bodies swayed and grinded fast, matching the reverberations of the song. Brian tugged on my arm and I followed him around the area, past the VIP rooms- I could hardly make them out through the clouded glass doors. They'd built on to them; they were spacious. We passed a bunch of tables with professional dancers on them. One was surrounded by a group of frat boys chugging bear and tucking dollar bills into the dancer's clothes "Strippers come out after 1," Brian said into my ear.

My eyes widened as the girl on the table did a drop, her butt facing the boys, vibrating her legs and hips before rising back up, rubbing her hands over her body. "Strippers as in…?"

"Topless on that stage." He pointed as we descended the steps. I kept a hand on his back, not wanting to get lost in the swarm of bodies.

"Whoa." I was almost speechless. "You're serious?"

He snickered. I rolled my eyes as we worked our way through the teeming bodies. "Are we going to a VIP room?" I shouted over the music.

He nodded his head and began to rotate around in a circle. I laughed. "We're meeting at the booths before though and we'll dance down here a bit."

I paused. He faced me, wondering why I'd stopped walking. "I want to dance." I was feeling better as the song began to fade out into another one. "Care to join me?"

He knocked his shoulder against mine, laughing quietly. "One dance, then we'll find the others." I smiled and grabbed his hand as he pulled us through the mass of sweaty bodies to a spot that wasn't as crowded. I loved this. He wasn't trying to get into my pants. He had a girlfriend he loved and I only had eyes for one guy, who was in one of the booths or at the bar in here, somewhere. We were friends having a good time and he _was_ an excellent dancer. "This is your first test, Miss Swan." He seized my waist as I faced him. "Show me you can do it and I'll quit teasing you about it."

"You're on," I challenged. I smiled and started moving my hips as the next song began.

Lil' Wayne's 'Lollipop.'

* * *

_(Jacob's POV)_

The guys and I were knocking down shots at the bar while the girls waited for Bella in one of the booths.

Quil slapped my hand as I lifted my second shot. I glared at him. "What?"

"No shots for you. You're under age." His eyes were already getting that glazed look, probably because a few of my 'boys,' drank as we drove here. I was one of those 'boys.' We were such…college students.

Paul squeezed in between us, slamming his glass down, facing Quil. "And you're not?"

Quil narrowed his eyes. "Jackass."

"It's not like these fuckers can tell anyways," Julius said. He was standing nearby with a gigantic glass of a dark brown liquid, facing the crowd on the dance floor with his elbows on the bar. I mimicked his position, chuckling.

Quil turned around in time to see two attractive, voluptuous black girls and a sexy Puerto Rican walked past us. "How's it going tonight, ladies?" He strutted away from the bar, arms expanded. The paused, pivoted around, and gave him a 'who the fuck do you think you are' expression before laughing. "You don't want the goods? Really, I don't bite unless you want me to. Or, is it because my good looks intimidate you?" He followed them as they were passing me. Their eyes were on me now. I smiled and they returned it, telling me one thing...

Quil punched my shoulder. I recoiled. "Dude, ow." Seconds later, I burst out laughing.

"What the fuck man?" He laid his head on his arms against the bar.

"It's called not trying hard, Quil, dear." He flicked me off.

"Jake's turning 21 in January though." Jared came into the conversation late, as usual. "Party hard, man." Quil's bad mood vanished like a wisp of smoke and he high fived Jared.

I rolled my eyes and popped the back of both of their heads. "Go on and throw a party for me…" I leaned forward between the two of them, smiling. "That doesn't mean I'll show up," I whispered before patting them both on the back, hard, so they coughed before flailing their hands to strike me back.

Embry suddenly appeared in front of me. "What the hell is the point of having a 21st b-day if you already drink? I don't understand it."

"Because you can drink legally," Quil slurred (just a bit).

"You puppies…" Sam strode towards us, Eric beside him.

Eric was a fucking big guy, all muscle, and he was shorter than all of us, with several tattoos. He was frightening to look at, but sensitive as hell and a sweet guy once you got to know him. Probably why Leah loved him…

Partying with Sam was always something to look forward to. The guy was hilarious when he was drunk and he was fun, now that he didn't have the role as an Alpha resting on his shoulders. Lucky bastard. He'd loosened up quite a bit after he'd handed me over the Alpha title.

Paul leered. "Look who's here, walking up to us wearing a wedding ring…you too, Eric."

"Gotta let 'em know I'm taken," Sam smiled and sipped his beer.

"Dude." Jared said, hands outstretched, gesturing to his finger, facing Paul. "I'm married too you know."

"And the lesson is: don't diss." Eric pointed accusingly at Paul and the others. "This is my last night partying as a single, unmarried man. You're just jealous, Paul."

"Fuuuuck you." Paul flicked him off.

"No harm, no foul dude. Live it up," Seth cut in. Where the hell did he come from? He'd disappeared for a good twenty minutes.

Julius voiced my thoughts. "What the fuck have you been doing?"

"Checking this joint out," Seth said, trying to sound cool. He slipped as he leaned casually against the bar, attempting to copy my position, 'brooding,' as Chimera would say. I snickered. "Shut up, asshole," he said, eyeballing me and standing up straighter, crossing his arms. He still wasn't over that 'I want to be like Jacob Black' stage. It's a creepy coincidence how his girlfriend is the spitting image of Bella with a different face.

Where was she anyways?

Jared angled towards him. "How are the girls?"

"They're bored out of their minds, waiting for Bella. Autumn texted her, like, three times already, and Brooke has burned up her phone with calls." He started to fidget. "Dude, where is she? And Brian?" He scanned the crowd, what I'd been doing all night.

Lil' Wayne's 'Lollipop' began playing and I could picture the girls throwing fits because they promised Bella they wouldn't dance until she got here. Those women loved to 'get down' to this song. "Fuck man. I want to dance with my girl to this song." Embry paused, debating, and then headed straight to the booths. Shit…maybe Chimera would want to dance with me to this song? It was unlikely. She'd given me the cold shoulder all night. This was our 'dirty fun' song, even when we were friends, which was what I hoped we could be, after everything.

Everywhere, girls were bending over, upright, rubbing against their partners. I couldn't prevent myself from thinking about Bella the first time we ever came here together.

"Whoa, I spy Brian. Dude…" Quil swiped my shoulder. "Check out that chick he's dancing with." I followed his gaze.

"Girl's got moves…so does he," Julius chuckled.

Brian was dancing with a thin, petite brunette. Her back was to us and he was dancing like he usually did- completely into it. Her movements were familiar.

"Check out that ass." Quil's voice went up a few notches. "_Baby got back_." The girl's curvaceous butt was squeezed into the black mini she was wearing. It cut low. She had gorgeous, milky skin and her hair was tamed (or untamed?) to perfection, like a fucking sex kitten.

That back looked familiar.

Brian's hands flitted over her ass and she dipped her neck into his shoulder and continued rotating her hips against his, to the ground and up, as he moved with her. At one point, she dropped to the ground, ass out and raised herself back up.

"Shiiiiiiiiiiit…" Paul whooped. The girl slid her hands over her hips and moved against him. That ass…

As the chorus came back on she turned around and started dancing with her back against Brian- hips and legs bending and dropping with every beat. I trailed my eyes up, well aware of my obvious _reaction_. My eyes followed the length of her legs, highlighted by heels, to her slim waist across the cleavage pushed up to perfection. My eyes finally landed on her face.

"Shit…Oh my," Seth cleared his throat. "Well…hot damn."

Quil cackled. "No wonder Jake was in a trance."

I couldn't tear my eyes away. Bella. When was the last time I'd seen her dance like that? "Jesus Christ," I gasped as her hands encircled Brian's neck as he turned her around.

Motherfucker. Why were his hands on _m_y girl, damn it! A growl rumbled in the back of my throat. I remembered what Quil had said about her ass and reached behind me to slap his hand against the table. I kept my eyes on Bella as Quil caught his breath and shook his hand, cringing.

Her dress was sinful…showing her skin off like that. Only I was allowed to see that much!

She looked sexy…it was wrong, so wrong, that she had to look that way. Her hair was tousled, lips parted, eyes smudged with dark makeup. The dress was like a second skin. Her skin was flushed from the heat and the way she moved…

The song finally ended. I blinked and they were gone. I'd been clenching the bar and fuming like a raging, jealous, madman. Brian was getting his head pinned into a wall tonight.

* * *

_(Rachel's POV)_

"Check out the slut dancing with Brian," Brooke said, aggravated as she sipped her Martini. "That could be me you know… "

I rolled my eyes. "We will dance." We'd been here sitting in the booth for approximately thirty minutes because Leah wanted to wait for Bella, who wasn't even here yet.

The booth we'd selected was built in a semi-circle and erected a few steps above the dance floor. At the center lay an egg-shaped glass table.

We'd gone to dinner before the girls and I wasted most of our time dressing. I wouldn't admit it out loud, but, it didn't feel right without Bella there, preparing for the night alongside us. She'd bailed on us, plus she and Chimera weren't talking. I suspected tonight the claws would come out. I just didn't know when.

My brother drove me nuts sometimes. I loved him deeply, but the little fucker needed to make up his mind.

The girls and I dressed our sexiest tonight, and opted for 'glamorous' for Leah's wedding. I'd been unique; I wore a black, short sleeved, zip up dress with torn tights and heels. My hair was blown out and I wore jewelry, which was comprised of several bangles and my mother's charm on the chain around my neck. I'd outlined my eyes with the blackest black I could find.

Kim was next to me with her ankles and calves crossed, and her feet resting on the table. She chose a short, pale yellow, strapless, baby-doll dress that contrasted beautifully with her skin tone.

Emily and Leah stood nearby, leaning in and whispering to each other, laughing as one or the other pointed to the dance floor- at this time a white male was doing the 'sprinkler' dance. Poor guy couldn't dance worth shit. Leah, the bride-to-be (that sounds funny rolling off my tongue), looked amazing in all of her tall, tanned, and toned glory. Her light pink dress cut down to her rib cage and scooped around her stomach and butt before ending in a tight, fitted bottom that fell over the top of her thighs. Leah Clearwater was wearing pink!

Emily, our resident 'sexy mama,' as we'd taken to calling her, represented the meaning of a MILF (mom I'd like to fuck, if you've been living under a rock like Brooke, who had actually never heard the term). She wore a black halter styled, mid-thigh length dress and her bangs were trimmed. Her back was completely bare. It drove Sam insane. They'd been very affectionate on the way here. It was…odd.

Brooke wore a deep blue, short, strapless mini that had round cuts on the sides, showing that she did indeed possess curves. A diamond circle adorned the front of her chest. Her hair was curled into perfect, loose, big curls. She'd had Seth panting.

Carmen was standing on the steps with Autumn, both of them watching the 'slut' Brooke had mentioned earlier. Carmen took sexy to another level with a black mini and platform heels, which made her 5'4". It was a big difference, since she was below five feet in height. She wore thigh high fishnets and was twirling a strand of her massive black hair. Autumn was, as always, gorgeous without even trying in her purplish-pink mini that cut all the way down to her belly button and looped around her neck. Her breasts were about to pop out. She rarely showed off her figure like this. That girl had a pair I'm sure the rest of us would pay thousands to have. I know I would. And her legs were endless. It was funny- Embry said his favorite feature about her was…get this…her legs. Not her breasts, although the boy sure liked those too.

Chimera also didn't have to try hard to look good. She looked every bit the sexual person she was in a simple black, strapless dress with peep-toe heels. She wore jewelry on her wrists and neck that matched the shade of her eyes. I liked Chimera, I did, but she wasn't Bella. Why the hell was my brother not with Bella? I understood _why_, I guess, but he'd been such a disaster the past few days. He made me weep over how much of a mess he was in!

I spotted the guys across the dance floor at the bar, watching the same girl with Brian that most of us were staring at. My brother was pissed off. He was gripping the bar so hard his knuckles were white. Moments later he smacked Quil's hand.

Embry appeared at Autumn's side and whispered to her. The two of them vanished on to the dance floor. "Where the hell is Bella?" Carmen hissed. Everyone was getting riled up now.

"Hey," Leah said. "It's my party. We wait."

"It's been so long since I've danced with her. I'm kind of excited about it," I chuckled. I watched as Jacob marched away from the bar, scaling the edge of the dance floor, the guys behind him, as they headed back to us. They looked positively scrumptious tonight. Eric had decided on black and white for the 'color scheme' of the guys, so over half of them wore black shirts and the others wore white ones, two with jackets (Paul and Julius).

God, to think that I'd be in love with _fucking Paul_. I used to despise that guy.

Stupid imprinting shit.

The girls perked up instantly and smiled as the guys approached us. "Ladies, she's here," Julius almost purred.

Jacob was tense, and Chimera said something in his ear. He grinned. I may have not been too fond of Chimera, but I knew he loved her.

'What's Your Fantasy' by Ludacris started as Autumn and Embry returned, with Brian behind them, alongside Bella. Jacob had been glaring murderously at Bella and Brian. She'd been the 'slut' in the black dress. And she was officially one of the hottest girls here. I'd forgotten she could move like that.

I'm sure my brother hadn't. And I hoped he didn't bash Brian's skull in. The two of them were good friends; Brian was a flirt, but he adored his girlfriend. The dancing hadn't surprised me. I knew Brian and Bella had no interest in dating each other.

Jacob glared over Chimera's head at Brian. He showed no sign he felt the stare burning into his skull. I pinched Jake's forearm and hissed, "Quit it." His smile was strained as he took his drink.

That's better.

* * *

_(Bella's POV)_

I knew Jacob's eyes were on me shortly after 'Lollipop' began. I _knew_ it…the room increased in temperature and I could feel his eyes taking in my form like he really, honestly wanted me more than I could ever fathom. "Jake's watching," I'd whispered to Brian. He played along, responding with, "I want to see his face when he finds out it's you."

So, I'd danced my sexiest…somewhat. I was saving the best for later. Brian laughed. "The other guys are _bewitched_ as well."

I gagged into his shoulder. "Quil and Julius…wonderful."

Jake's gaze had intensified as soon as I turned around, letting him know that it was me. I didn't dare look at him.

As the song turned into 'What's Your Fantasy,' Brian and I greeted Embry and Autumn (she looked like sex-on-legs) and followed them to our companions' location. I was engulfed in hugs from all of the girls, except for Chimera beside Jacob. I didn't look their way for too long. I was squeezed between Brooke and Leah. Brooke's eyes brightened as she nodded to my backside and winked. "You look hot."

I jostled her, playfully. She laughed. "Hush." I blushed.

"She's right, you know." Leah said over the edge of her glass.

"Leah!" I almost jumped; my eyes widened. "You're wearing…pink," I said, almost disgusted with the color choice (but not really).

Eric snickered and Leah rolled her eyes, pushing a Martini my way. "You're always so surprised when I dress like a girl."

I shrugged, running my finger over the rim of my drink. Quil suddenly appeared directly in front of my face and I retracted, startled. He leaned over Seth and Brooke, and smirked. "I didn't recognize you."

I pushed his face away, grinning. "Surprised, much?"

"Not exactly. I remember back in the day…" He trailed off. "Your ass was happening." He winked. I narrowed my eyes at him. He was such a guy.

Quil hit the underside of the table as it shook."Ow! Damn it!" He shrunk back after a death glare from Jacob.

I took time to really study Jake's appearance. He was in a fitted black t-shirt and jeans, and he looked good, not that I was surprised. Chimera, Rachel, and Paul were between him and Quil. Had he kicked Quil? He was scowling at him, before his sister elbowed him and he leaned back, forcing a smile that didn't meet his eyes.

"Hey! I want to dance, I'm not saying it again," Carmen said.

With grunts of complaint, fits of laughter, and several 'we just sat down' remarks from the guys, we all stood around the tables. Brian, Eric, Leah were to my right, then Brooke, Seth and Quil in the center. On the other half of the table were Paul, Rachel, Chimera, and Jacob. I stole a glance at Chimera, but she was too busy speaking to Jacob. He was smiling at her, and that grated my nerves. Why wasn't he smiling at me? I wouldn't normally think such bitter thoughts about Chimera if I hadn't 'found out,' or if I wasn't intoxicated.

Embry and Autumn stood beside the table and she shot me a horrifying look, clearly telling me 'don't you start shit.' I mouthed 'I don't plan to'…_at least not yet_. I slouched and picked up my glass. Jared and Kim were standing next to Emily and Sam, between Embry and Autumn.

"A toast to me," Leah said sarcastically.

"Hey bitch, no toasts to you until later," Jared called out.

Leah lifted her glass to him. "Hey, _dog_, do you want this glass thrown at your head?"

Quil began to swivel his hips, humping the air. There had to be the pervert in every group of friends, right? "VIP room!"

Sam flung a balled up napkin at him. "That was supposed to be the surprise, _pup_!"

"You guys rented a VIP room?" Leah clasped Eric's arm and they shared a smile.

Couples. Gross.

"Broke the damn bank, but yes we did." He bowed. "And you'll be instructed from there."

"Hmmm…we have instructions now?" It was the first time Chimera had spoken in my presence that night.

"Can you all please shut up?" Brooke's angry tone sliced through the laughter. "This song is almost over and the dance floor is calling me!"

We raised our drinks. "To having a good, _fabulous_ night." Leah shot Chimera and me a warning glance.

"To having a good night," we chorused together and downed the drinks in a few swallows, the guys in one gulp. Quil was egging Paul, Jacob, and Jared on and pounding the table in a countdown with them guzzling their drinks. Jake looked considerably happier.

Sam rolled his eyes. "This is what I've 'raised.'"

"Who's the fucking DD tonight?" Julius interjected.

"You're…" Brian lowered his voice. "…werewolves. The night is young; you'll be fine. There are only two human males in our little shindig, Eric and me, and we're high tolerance for humans when it comes to intakes of alcohol."

"Hallelujah," Eric knocked his glass against Brian's, eyes to the heavens, hands exalted in praise.

At the precise moment I turned to Jacob. His eyes locked with mine over Chimera's head as she crawled out of the booth. Flashes of our make out session two days ago ran through our minds as well as a 'video' replay of our first night here at Red Secrets. We didn't avert our eyes until the thought passed and another overpowering wave of lust combined with apologies, acceptance, and something else he was dying to tell me, swept through us.

"Bella!" Autumn grabbed my hand and I tore my gaze from Jake's as he was led by the guys to the edge of the dance floor.

"Dance!" Brooke snatched my other arm. 'Buttons' by the Pussy Cat Dolls began to play. We stayed close to the outer area of the dance floor, knowing the guys would join after we 'warmed up.'

I'd momentarily forgotten what Jacob had confessed. I was happy to be here with my friends. I didn't allow the ache in my heart to get in the way of having fun for Leah. I was pulled behind Brooke, who was my height (we'd even worn the same size heels). Randomly, Ashley had squeezed in. "Girls." She twirled around and Angela followed, grasping Ashley's hand as they greeted the girls and were introduced the ones they didn't know. Even Chimera smiled politely. I'm sure my expression was more of annoyance when my eyes found their way to her.

Autumn sidled up to Leah and moved against her. "I haven't danced with you in years," she said to me.

"I know," I yelled back as Ashley and Brooke reunited, chatting and smiling, holding each other's arms and complimenting each other's outfits.

Emily was off to the side, waving her hips with Rachel, lowering smoothly to the floor. "It's just another chance to see if she still 'has it.'" Chimera, Angela, and Kim were beside them. Chimera could _move_; she wiggled her hips and shook her thighs with the beat, causing her whole body to spin in a graceful circle as the chorus started.

Carmen went low…_low_…_low _during the instrumental part. A four foot nothing being could move easily like that. I'd been so focused on everyone else that I hadn't even gotten into dancing and I was just swaying side to side. Leah and Autumn were grinding face to face, behind me, giving me the same exact look. "Where's the vixen we all watched earlier with Brian? That was the only sign of the old Club-Bella thus far."

"Leah, I have to feel the song, remember?"

Emily was alongside me. "The guys are enjoying this." She nodded in their direction. Julius was passing around a cigar. Paul coughed when he tried it and threw it back at Julius. Jake was looking everywhere but where I was. He failed though and I knew he wouldn't look away even if I did. Sam winked and waved to Emily and she blew him a kiss, backing up against me.

"You asked for it," I addressed all of them. They'd all pushed me into it somehow- Emily in front, Chimera with her back against Kim beside me, and Carmen in the center of our circle. I finally concentrated on the music as it began to fade into the next song, knowing _someone_ was watching. 'Baby Boy' by Beyonce. A very sexy song you can't help but dance to…or have sex to.

Carmen announced her love for this song before throwing her hands up and shaking her hips. Autumn leaned against me from the side, lifting her arms up as well, giving me an all-knowing look.

I followed suit, and joined the girls around me, moving my hips against Brooke and Ashley who'd sandwiched me, rolling my hips and flexing my stomach in sync with Beyonce's 'noises' in the first verse, flinging my hair around. Chimera's eyes were closed and she bounced her hips faster, vibrating her body from head to toe, as the second verse began. We merged into a circle, and attempted to follow Beyonce move-for-move.

* * *

_(Jacob's POV)_

Bella was torturing me on purpose. The first time our eyes met for the night, she had this devilish spark in them that I'd seen on a daily basis several years ago. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her.

The boys and I took our sweet time as we approached the girls, allowing them to have freedom to 'show off' before we cut in…I mean, they…the guys…not me…no drama, remember? As we caught up with the 'women,' the chorus reached a tribal-like drum solo where I recall Beyonce rolls around in the sand. Now, I'm a straight, hormonal man, and Beyonce is the most beautiful singer out there, hands down, so I would be well acquainted with that video.

I was plagued with plenty of fantasies as Bella sped up her movements in time with the chorus. Julius and Carmen were nearby, reclaiming their crown as the most sexually out there couple, as the others coupled off. I almost gave in to my desire to dance with Bella, to be close to her, but her back was to Chimera.

Yeah, it wouldn't be a good idea if I decided to dance with Bella, especially if Chimera was, you know, right behind us. I was still a man torn between two women. I could pair off with Chimera. She was my 'date.' But, she was busy with Angela and Ashley at the moment. Her dress rode up as she danced against Angela who said something that made her laugh. A girl dancing on another girl was the norm for all clubs. It was hot, even if I wasn't attracted to Leah like that. I turned back to Bella who was attached to Quil, casting her head back and laughing. _That mother fucker_. She slapped him, with an enormous grin in place, and pulled away, beginning to dance by herself again. I was only a few steps away from her, pulled in by something that held me to her- desire, love.

Suddenly a security guard leaned into Bella's ear. I heard exactly what he said. "Do you want to dance on the stage? Your friends can come to."

Oh hell no.

The stage in front of the DJ stand had a center length that reached out onto the dance floor, where girls that weren't a part of the staff were allowed to dance.

Brooke, Carmen, Autumn, Ashley, Leah, Chimera, and Rachel flocked around Bella, and the guard asked them if they wanted to get on the stage. His eyes darted to the guys and I. "You guys alright with that?" _Fuck no._ The girls batted their eyelashes and pouted…and half the guys wouldn't refuse and the other half, which was about to include me, were drooling in anticipation to watch them. Bella looked nervous but Autumn reassured her it would be 'so fun' as the security guards helped them on stage. Kim, Emily, and Angela refused.

I was jealous, only because every guy in the room would get a taste of how clumsy Bella magically turned into a dancing queen. Chimera was used to the attention and she always loved to put on a show, so I honestly wasn't too worried about her.

I didn't know how to explain it, but after I found out the imprint wasn't real, I didn't love Chimera as much. I knew I didn't want her anymore, it was just matter of if they would believe me and how'd they react. Yes, I loved her, but I loved someone else more.

Something told me Bella would try to match Chimera move for move and beat her at her own game. It would be healthy, or not so healthy, competition. They were fighting for my attention without making it obvious, and they'd have a _jolly good time_ while doing so. Fuck my life.

Beyonce's 'Naughty Girl' was next. Many eyes in the building would be on the stage in no time.

Once they started dancing I felt conceited, that these girls, _our _girls, were about to show everyone 'what they have.'

It must have been the alcohol in my system.

* * *

_I hope when you're in bed with her, you think of me_

_(Bella's POV)_

We were _on stage_.

We'd climbed up with help from the security that stood on the floor around us. As soon as we squeezed in, bodies smashing against one another, the chorus began, as did the chaos. I was so embarrassed, but I felt brave, and sexy. And Jacob's eyes were still on me.

What about Chimera?

_What about her?_

Our bodies were close and we moved fast, bumping and grinding. I was in the back with Rachel, composing myself, while Autumn, Leah, and Chimera led the show. The DJ announced Leah was having her bachelorette party and the crowd cheered. Our guys threw their hands up and motioned for applause, showing the on-lookers we were 'their' girls. Leah curtseyed and began shaking her ass as the people below us joined in.

I closed my eyes so I couldn't see the hundreds of faces. Guided by Autumn's hands, I drifted back into the mind set I was in before, rotating my hips against her as she sunk to the floor. I opened my eyes to see the lights flashing overhead, and whipped my body around as the chorus began a second time; my hair slapped against my shoulders. We were practically on top of each other, and dancing in unison.

Carmen was close to falling on her knees in front of me, before she popped back up again. We dropped to the stage another time as the chorus came to a close. My legs were aching as I moved with Leah. Ashley was at the front of the stage 'getting low' with Carmen, _again_.

The men loved the attention. Quil whipped around Paul's jacket above his head (How in the world did he get a hold of that?) All the other guys, even Jacob, were laughing and doing some sort of 'rolling with the homies' move that I'd seen in the movie _Clueless_.

Leah was front and center as the chorus played one last time. Eric was on the floor below her, mocking her movements. He tried to bend over like she was doing, but ended up with his back against the floor. Pretending it was on purpose he began thrusting his hips up as she shook hers. We were roaring with laughter.

Emily tip toed into the space they'd made at the foot of the stage and hiked her dress up, dancing over Eric, with her legs on either side of him. Quil strutted into the circle and tumbled to the ground as Eric took his legs out. Emily fell back into Sam's arms, giggling.

The crowd erupted as we were helped off the stage by 'our' men. Brian held his hand out for me and Jacob assisted Chimera, only after sending Brian a hostile look. Really?

We eventually migrated away from the dance floor to the VIP level, entering through the foggy textured glass doors to the room. Sam and Emily led the way inside, showing us the sound proof walls (the door closed behind us and you could only feel the pulsing of the music), Venetian red couches and chairs, and a monstrous, well-equipped stereo in the corner, as well as a bar against one of the walls where we could help ourselves to drinks. A stripper pole was dead center on the elevated, black marble stage, against a back drop of maroon curtains.

The others talked animatedly as they checked out all the nooks and corners of the room. It was Quil who spoke the loudest. "Hell to the yeah!" He raided the bar, checking the labels on all the bottles. If he had enough money to go to a university that had a Greek row, Quil would make the perfect frat boy. He stepped onto the stage and stroked the stripper pole. "This is nice too."

"Dude, get the fuck off that stage!" Embry shouted before plopping onto a couch beside Autumn.

Paul and Jared relinquished Quil's iron-tight grip away from the pole as he thrashed around dramatically. "But, it was for the bride-to-be!"

Leah placed her hands on her hips, and walked away from Emily, Sam, Seth, and Brooke. They were rifling through the CD collection that spanned one fourth of a wall. The speakers to the sound system were in every corner of the room, on ceilings, heavily focused around the stage. "I see you naked enough and it does nothing for me, so please do not strip for me, okay?"

Quil let out an exaggerated cry before falling to floor. Sitting at one of the revolving stools at the bar I couldn't repress my giggles. "I thought you wanted it. Eric might." He gave Eric a lewd grin.

Eric rolled his eyes. "Ugh, I'll pass."

Leah and Carmen sat on the stage. Carmen reclined and gestured to me with her finger. Kim yanked Jared onto a couch and Rachel and Paul joined them. Seth sat on the chair nearest to the stage and Brooke positioned herself in his lap and her legs dangled over the edge. Jacob was adjacent to Embry and Autumn on another couch. Chimera picked up a bottle or rum and a mixer behind the bar.

Julius took charge with the CDs and retrieved a blank one. "Chimera's making all of us drinks." His sister busily set glasses along the bar. "Men, this would be our song."

They surrounded the bar and received drinks from Chimera. She poured quickly and carefully. I forgot she knew how to bartend; it was her job.

"Is it just me, or do they know what song he's about to play?" I said to Leah, who was outstretched beside me.

"Knowing them, probably so. If not, they've got a good idea. Look at the smirk on Julius's face…" She pointed to him.

"That's one of his many 'I've got something up my sleeve' looks," Carmen explained.

'Go Girl' by Pitbull began to play and Julius stretched proudly.

The girls and I took drinks the guys had handed us. They'd gotten drinks for us too? That was…really sweet. Of course, we received the 'girly' drinks and they'd acquired the non-girly drinks, as well as Leah, who they considered one of the guys.

I looked up to see all of the boys in an uneven circle, purposely mimicking 'rappers.' Quil was in the middle. And they recited the first chorus. No joke. "I party like a rock star," (I'd seen proof) "Look like a movie star," (Truer words were never spoken) "Play like an all-star," (I'm sure Quil thought so) "Fuck like a porn star." (I…wouldn't allow even my thoughts to comment) "Baby I'm a superstar!" (Now, I don't know about that…).

That's all it took to break the ice. Within seconds, the girls danced against one another and the guys. I was between Brian and Rachel.

When the 'go girl' part of the chorus stated, Chimera and Carmen briefly grabbed attention in the middle, legs spread, lowered literally to the floor.

"That's my sister!" Julius groaned and covered his eyes. "I can't look."

Rachel joined them. "That's _my_ sister," Jacob pushed him. "How do you think I feel?"

Rachel laughed as Chimera bent over in front of her. "That's the point!"

"Well, if that's the case…" Seth squeezed in between them.

Leah turned red. "That's what I get, am I right?"

"You're the one who was 'shaking it' on stage in front of your little brother."

"You didn't have to look," Chimera chuckled, pulling away so Seth was dancing by himself. He really couldn't dance. None of the guys were really capable. I don't even think they were trying.

Eric and Leah were encouraged by all of us to finish out the song together in the center of our 'gathering.' After that, we collapsed into the couches and chairs in the room, laughing. Paul was seated with his arm around Rachel when Quil and Jared took the opportunity to dance up against him. "You know you want it," was said with a smile, before the two were tackled by Paul, resulting in a wrestling match on the floor. Jake looked adorable with his knees drawn against him as he laughed at them. Emily, Sam, Leah and Eric took the floor and the commotion stopped momentarily as the guys hustled back into their seats.

"Okay, in case it left your alcohol-ridden minds…" Sam began. There were several boos from the Pack. "Hey, shut the fuck up. I'm not done," he chuckled. "Anyways, as tradition…" He paused. "… that we started this year…"

"We have decided…" Emily cupped her mouth and cleared her throat, stifling a laugh. "That Leah, my dear cousin, should dance to a song."

"Sounds good," Leah said. After noticing the mischievous looks on Eric, Emily, and Sam's faces, she scowled. "Please tell me you don't mean on the stage." Instantly the guys laughed, and were soon joined by the girls who chanted, "Do it." I participated, obviously.

"I'm killing all of you afterwards though," Leah threatened. It wasn't convincing. She hopped on to the stage. "I'm going to murder you, Sam Uley." She narrowed her eyes. "And your wife, and you too Eric, before I marry you." After a second, she doubled over laughing. "What song?"

"We've chosen something everyone in here will understand," Julius said. He put a CD in the disc player and Leah tapped her feet impatiently as Sam and Emily lead Eric to the chair closest to the stage. Emily broke out her camera she'd had strapped onto her all night. I couldn't remember how many pictures she'd snapped already.

The song began with a wolf call and all at once the guys began howling. The beat began. 'She Wolf' by Shakira. How…perfect. How…ironic!

Leah was annoyed. "Seriously…_Seriously_?"

Eric reclined with his hands behind his head. "We're not going anywhere until you dance."

Leah shot him a glare but proceeded to follow Shakira's movements almost exactly. She sang the first verse.

_Darling this is no joke, this is lycanthropy_.

And at 'thighs wide open,' she stooped on the stage and moved her hands up her thighs, spreading them to tease Eric in front of her, who looked back at the guys who were shouting 'Ow, ow.' She stood and slid backed against the pole, speeding up her movements, choosing to dance around the pole at the chorus before using the pole as a prop throughout the rest of the song.

One after the other the guys all 'danced' with her and tucked dollar bills into her dress. She shoved them away, laughing, and targeted Eric. She crawled into his lap and tugged at his shirt collar. The song ended and she climbed off of Eric, giggling.

We gave her a standing ovation and then normal things steadily resumed. We'd gathered out seats in the center of the room, some of us on the floors. I'd forgotten how it was impossible to have any moment of silence with these guys.

Leah was allowed to choose the next song after battling over the stereo with Emily, switching on 'I Wanna Love You' by Akon.

As soon as the song began, every guy in the room recited the opening verse as they made more drinks, some teasing the girls, making sure to say 'fuck' instead of 'love,' half of them at least. Jacob almost said 'fuck,' but ended up laughing in the middle of it and said 'love,' instead, hiding his face. The guys teased him relentlessly as they fell back into their seats.

I was sitting next to Brian, who placed his arm over my chair. He leaned in. "Well, I know who he wants to 'fuck,'" he whispered.

I blushed, suppressing a laugh. "Who?"

"_You_…you dumb…" I glared at him. He threw his hands up. "I wasn't going to say anything."

I leaned into Brian. "You know they can hear you?"

"Really?" He feigned amazement. "I had no clue." His eyes widened dramatically. Asshole. "Everyone in here is talking loudly and there's music is in the background, soI think not." He smirked. "He's been watching you all night. He'll give in to at least one dance." I blushed again and stole a glance at Jacob lounged across the table from me. One look couldn't hurt, right? He was staring right at me. He smiled. I grinned back. That was…surprising.

We didn't remove our gaze from each other, oblivious to the commotion around us, until Leah struck him. He faced her abruptly. She threw a handful of dollar bills at him. He tossed them back, laughing, and soon, she was flinging dollar bills at all the guys.

Emily stood and cleared her throat, tapping the sides of her glass with her nails. "Hey, children, attention please." Emily crossed her arms. Even if Sam wasn't Alpha anymore, he and Emily still qualified as 'papa' and 'mama' wolf. The guys settled down promptly, as did Carmen, Chimera, Leah, and Brooke, who were the girls that became involved in the 'fight' as well.

Sam raised his glass, as he moved to his wife's side. "It's time to toast to the new couple and say all the things we can't say in front of the 'adults,' two days from now." Another round of drinks was arranged in front of us.

I was too distracted to pay attention to the speeches. Jacob's face was turned towards the 'head' where Emily, Sam, Leah, and Eric were standing. Jake had a really nice jaw line…strong, beautiful, and I was sitting here gawking at him like he was the most delectable person in the room. Uh, because he _is_.

I knew what side of me was ready to come out. The portion that wanted nothing more than to leapt over this table between us and kiss him, followed by something more. My attraction to him and my desire for sex intensified ten-fold. They went hand in hand when it came to him. _I hate alcohol._

"…Bella." Leah's voice faded into my conscience.

I shook my head. "Um…uh…_excusez moi_?"

She rolled her eyes. "Sam and the others agreed that because they forced me to dance, it's only fair someone else does too." She pointed to me. "And I picked you."

"Dance, like…up there?" I nodded my head almost unnoticeably to the stage. "I'll pass." There was no way I was getting up there. Autumn, Emily, and Kim didn't volunteer, but Brooke and Carmen pounced at the idea, and surrounded Leah. Chimera and Rachel offered as well.

Brian leaned towards me again. "I think you should." Autumn, on his other side, agreed.

By now, everyone in the room, except Jacob who had his mouth sealed shut, pleaded with me, sporting 'puppy dog' expressions. Leah sat on the armrest of my chair. "For the bride?" She pouted. If I recall, Leah has never done such a thing as pouting in my presence. "I-I…" I peered into Leah's eyes. "Just once?" She held a finger up.

"No," I shook my head. "Na-ah." I refused to look at her. This was a bad idea because I'd faced Jacob and our eyes met again. We'd been doing this several times tonight. I hadn't said a single word to him. We did all the conversing with our eyes. My alcohol heavy brain finally realized what we'd been doing; this was more than flirtation, because flirting involved using a girly voice, hair flipping, blushing, and talking 'cutely' to each other. No, we weren't flirting. We were past that stage.

We'd been _fucking_, having sex with our eyes. We'd exchanged looks tonight that were packed with desire, love beneath it all, and the need to touch each other and be close to each other. But we'd resisted tonight; not for long, I hoped. He had hardly looked at Chimera. She'd been flirting with him, as I'd seen with the arm touching and her sickly sweet voice and smile. What Jacob and I were doing went beyond that. It was love without words. Want without touching once. I wanted to tease him until he had to put his hands on me.

I stood up and sighed, exasperated. "I need another drink first."

The girls erupted into giggles and I received a booming applause as I walked towards the stage. Quil patted Jake on the back and whispered something in his ear that made him blush and a rift of laughter to flow through the pack. Autumn and Leah were scrolling through Autumn's IPod beside the CD player. Autumn had that look in her eyes that I hated; the one that gave away she was plotting something. Her lips barely moved as she spoke to Leah. Whatever she said caused the rowdy boys to look in their direction simultaneously and for Jacob to stand up. What they'd said frustrated him. I couldn't tell if it was anger, or arousal, or a combination of both. Embry and Paul pulled him back to his seat.

I paced anxiously around at the edge of the stage, not looking at the group behind me. "Uh, Leah," I said as she took her seat at a stool nearby. "Why me?"

She shrugged. "I think every person in this room wants to see the sexiest side of you, even if they'd never admit it."

"Hey," Quil said. I didn't like the smirk he wore. "Wouldn't the 'sexiest' be saved for the bedroom?" Jacob's head jerked to his 'brother.' Quil inspected his nails. "Only one of us has a 'first hand' experience with that. Although my pack brothers and I do get a nice view…like a movie playing in someone's head kind of…"

"Son of a bitch." Jacob managed to stay in his seat. "Can you please kill him Leah? You're a girl; he won't put up a fight…"

"Let me think about it…" She pretended to ponder, exaggerating by stroking her chin. She smiled. "Maybe after the wedding."

"I am not doing this." I plopped right on the couch between Emily and Kim, assuming they were the safest place. They weren't. The second my butt hit the seat they hauled me up by my arms. The other girls assisted, except for Chimera, so the fact that I was dragging my feet wasn't helping and I was soon on the stage. The girls returned to their seats and I darted forwards. I was blocked by Quil and Brian, who directed me backwards. I couldn't believe I was about to this in front of all of them.

Brian had somehow plucked my drink from Autumn through all of this and he placed it in my hands, ordering me to drink to loosen up.

Jacob would be watching. I had to keep telling myself that. Even if he tried not to, I knew he wouldn't be able to keep his eyes off of me. In fact, I could already feel his eyes on me at this moment. "Okay! Okay!" I threw my hands up. "I surrender." Their responses were enthusiastic. "But, this is for the bride and the bride only," I said before Quil could insert a witty remark.

Autumn didn't even face me as she plugged her IPod into the system. "Keep telling yourself that, B." Why was she always right?

With a fancy remote in her palm she appeared in my line of sight, looking up at me from where she was standing. "Remember what I said," she whispered, knowing the others wouldn't be listening because they were chatting amongst themselves. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Jacob's head was tilted in my direction. "Feel the beat. Don't think about it. I don't encourage drinking, but if it does loosen you up, go for it," she chuckled. "Have fun." I finished my drink, closing my eyes at the burning sensation. She took it from my hand. "Shake it, baby." She winked.

I felt significantly better. "What are you playing?"

"You'll see." She about-faced. "Hey, 'dogs,' bitch…" Leah stuck her tongue out. "And girls and boys. Bella's going to dance and you better encourage her. No snide remarks."

"Autumn," I hissed. I reached for her arm and blushed furiously. She was just out of my grasp and was already making her way back to the others. She spun around. "For the bride, remember? It's only fair."

"Let's get this over with," I sighed. The moment Autumn pressed play I knew exactly why there was such an uproar earlier- Jacob standing up, the guys laughing, Leah and Autumn scheming by the CD player.

'Pony' by Far. And then, aware of that single pair of eyes on me, I wanted to dance. I may have been uncoordinated in most cases but I knew how to dance. I'd summoned enough courage to not even blush at the implications of the song. The others were already swaying to the music in the beginning. Emily retrieved her camera. It was set on video and the boys worked the camera. Maybe she'd only film their reactions, but I doubted it. I said a little prayer, begging to not make a fool of myself. Sex with your clothes on. It may have been years, but that was one thing I hadn't forgotten.

Showtime.

* * *

_(Jacob's POV)_

The second I heard Autumn and Leah talk about the song they'd chosen for Bella, _my _Bella, who was up on stage in a skimpy dress, looking sexy as hell…I'd almost lost it. I was already turned on and now this? The thought of her dancing up there…Chimera didn't need to see this. She'd already interrogated me about what Quil meant when he talked about the sexiest side of Bella being reserved for the bedroom. Chimera caught on to the 'only one person in this room' comment, but I didn't answer her question. I think she knew Bella and I had been intimate, in a relationship, in love, but she'd been searching for something to prove that she'd thought wrong.

And now, I knew I wouldn't be able to look away. I'd been hopelessly undressing Bella with my eyes all night. The guys would get a show, one only I knew about. At least she'd be clothed.

All night, Bella had been dancing for me; her eyes gave it away. Did she want me to fess up and remind her how much I wanted her? Did she want to tempt me until I was more blue-balled than I already was? I was in love with this girl, but because of this situation I'd put myself in, I couldn't act on those feelings, not in public. I wanted to throw her over my shoulder, caveman style, and take a trip to the nearest private place we could find, even if it happened to be in the woods nearby, and prove how much I was aching for her.

The song began, snapping me from my stupor. I didn't remove my gaze once. She was on the stage, rotating her hips sensually and slowly, and it only made my uncomfortable situation worse.

I hated being a guy.

Chimera had offered to help out with my 'problem.' She'd said it teasingly but I knew she wanted to sleep with me, and I would do it gladly to relieve tension, but that body on stage was actually Bella and not a figment of my imagination and _fuck_ if I didn't want her, and only her. I didn't know how to break that news to Chimera. I'd have to do it after the wedding reception, at least the 'I don't want to get back together' part. Something told me my non-imprint secret would get to her ears before the night ended. And Bella wouldn't know until after. I'd hurt her in the worst way possible, so how could she even believe me if I told her? It was something she had to conclude by herself.

My thoughts immediately shifted from depressing to nothing but sex, naked Bella, and the way she looked when she was turned on, or at the height of her pleasure. She mirrored that look- she was sweating, and her hair was disheveled and the dress left nothing to the imagination with the way it hugged her curves. She moved her hips to each guitar rift, with her hands thrown up and she smiled, spinning around slower than before, at '_someone who knows her ride, without even falling off._' He hands glided over her hips and she lowered to the stage, thrusting once. I shifted in my seat as she moved back up. I couldn't even get angry at the boys for cheering, because I was so tuned into her. _Oh God…ride…Bella on top of me…_

Snap out of it!

As soon as the chorus began she twirled around the pole with her legs on either side of it. The dress was perfect for her figure. She moved against the pole to the ground and back up again, before backing away from it and taking the center stage, dancing with her head casted back and her eyes closed, shutting out her surroundings. Exactly how she looked when she…Oh God…

'_The things I would do to you'_

She stretched out on stage, arching her back, giving me a look at '_you and your body._' Our eyes were locked and now I was imagining the things _I _would do to **her**. She slid back up. At '_every single portion_,' her eyes drank in my form. It was like no one was in the room but me, watching her. I smiled. She chewed on her lips, sneaking her tongue out as she lowered to a crouching position again, parting her legs as her hand crept up her dress, during '_juices flowing down your thighs_.'

Oh, fuck. I was leaning forward now, enjoying this too much. The chorus played again and she worked the pole more, leaning so far back her head brushed against the stage. This is what alcohol did to her. This was also what it was like, alone with her, having sex. She was a vixen.

That Jeremy kid, he probably got to see that side. The single thought made me clench my fists. Her bedroom eyes were still on me even when she stepped off the stage as the song faded out. The guys and girls, Chimera as well, whistled and cheered. She tore her gaze from me and the shy, innocent Bella I knew resurfaced; she was mortified. She ducked her head and covered her face as she turned into Leah's embrace. "Did I just do that?" A rough laugh escaped her lips.

"Afraid so," Brian massaged her back_. Asshole. Who the fuck did he think he was?_

Yeah. Jealousy also happened when Bella was around.

* * *

_(Bella's POV)_

I was full of energy and confident. I knew tomorrow I'd be sobbing my eyes out once everything settled in, but, right now, I didn't care because I'd had Jacob's undivided attention throughout the song. What a rush!

We left the VIP room, returning to the ear-splitting music of the club. "Freak-a-leek' by Petey Pablo was playing. "I'm only allowing Seth to see this because he's 18 years old, so he's legal," Leah said.

There were twice as many people here as when we'd first arrived and they were against the rails, the walls, everywhere. The dancers and strippers were out and they were dancing more provocatively that I'd ever seen on stage, wearing nothing but thongs and bikinis of different colors and fabrics. A few were topless. I couldn't…I guess all those stories were right when they said plenty of bachelor and bachelorette parties ended up at strip clubs. This wasn't a strip club, but it had an hourly devoted to that from 1-2. The club closed at two. Brooke had to drag Seth after us as we searched for any vacant spot we could find on the dance floor.

All around me couples were engaged in positions more vulgar that I'd seen earlier. Did these girls not understand that underwear was a necessity when you knew your dress would hike that high up if you bent over?

I knew what was happening now; the music was raunchier, sexier. Everyone in our 'party' was pairing off.

A tipsy Ashley and a sober Angela appeared beside us, hugging me, before returning to their partners, in Ashley's case, one in particular, and about three with Angela. Quil had already gained two girls while the other couples wrapped around each other, from Emily and Sam with their hips pressed together to full body contact between Autumn and Embry. Brian was beside me. Chimera said something into Jake's ear and her hand was on his bicep.

I thought they'd split up.

Envy was the sole emotion my inebriated brain could decipher. Her ass should not be against him like that! Friends danced with friends all the time. I'd danced with Brian like that. But Jacob and Chimera been in a relationship, they'd slept together, that was not something I needed to witness. Brian tried to reason with me. "She got to him first. You were too slow."

I began moving against him, wrapping his arms around me. "I want to dance with him. It's driving me nuts."

"You really think that's a good idea, precious? You got what you wanted. This is the only time his attention hasn't been centered on you. The man wants you, but…"

I rolled my eyes, well aware what he was thinking. "…She's hot and oozes sex out of every pore? Yeah, I got that."

He was amused. "Yeah, but you didn't see yourself in the VIP room, on the stage. You should ask Emily for the video. Even I wanted to fuck you." He smiled.

I faced him, and looped my arms around his shoulders. "Is that an insult?"

"Have you seen my girlfriend?" I shook my head. "Bella, you're hot, and you need to be more aware of that. I wouldn't sleep with you because I'm…whipped." Brian blushed. "She's got me whipped."

"Awww," I cooed. I rested my head on his chest and my vision blurred. Yep, I was definitely drunk. "Jake…I'll never love anyone else. I'll never want anyone else, but him," I said into his chest, turning my head to see Jacob stiffen. Had he heard me? "Shit," I mumbled, hiding my head against Brian's chest. Chimera noticed he'd tensed and she asked him what was wrong. He shook his head, but his lips curled. He _had_ heard me. Chimera gazed into his eyes, hers laced with concern, as she held onto his arms.

"Fuck it all," I said, dejected. "I'm kicking this up a notch."

'Bounce' by Timbaland, Dr. Dre, Missy Elliot, and Justin Timberlake began to play. I was sick of being upset. I was supposed to be having a good time.

Things were getting obscene between the others. Chimera moved in closer to Jacob with her arms around his back. He was watching me and Brian over her shoulder. He didn't glare at me, not like he did Brian. His expression changed the second our eyes met. This had to be at least round four of the 'eye sex' we'd mastered tonight. "Brian, this song is perfection."

He hummed into my hair. "Is that a challenge?" I looked up at him. Brian always had such an interesting expression; it was sexy and evil at the same time.

"That's exactly what I want." I followed the beat and nestled my head in the crook between his shoulder and neck. His hands slid to my waist. Chimera did something that grabbed Jake's attention; she fixed her arms around his neck and his hands clasped her waist. She pressed into his crotch. He said something into her ear and she laughed. As soon as the chorus picked up their hips moved in a circular motion. I'd already been doing that with Brian.

Brian caught my gaze. 'Let's make it worth it,' my eyes had said and he'd replied with 'definitely' - all relayed with our smiles. The other couples were…it was like an orgy in here, to put it bluntly.

Before the second chorus began, a light bulb of inspiration clicked on. I didn't know what made me do it. I wanted to dance off with her, but alone. _With her_. I pulled away from Brian. He mouthed 'What the fuck are you doing?' I held up my finger, symbolizing 'one moment' before forcing myself to approach the two people I was currently furious with. They paused when they saw me. Chimera deliberated what I was doing. "Hey, Bella…"

I kept my eyes on Jake. "Do you mind if I cut in?"

"Sure," Chimera said, puzzled. "I'll just step aside."

I seized her arm before she could escape. "I meant I want to dance with you." Our friends whispered to each other, looking over every so often, confounded, devious, lustful (Quil), sometimes humored.

Jake narrowed his eyes, confused. "Are you serious?"

"Why not? That is, unless you happen to be against the idea of the two of us dancing together."

"No." Chimera's smile grew. "It could be fun. But, you may have many eyes on you. Do you think you're ready for the pressure?"

I arched a brow and almost sneered. "I danced on stage, using a strip pole, by myself, didn't I? This is a rare event, right, so why not live and learn?"

Chimera looked around her with a strange smile on her face before gesturing to me. "Come here, then."

Quil, Embry and Brian patted Jake's back. Jake continued to stare at me. That look…it was sexy and ticked off, all rolled into one. He punched Embry's ribcage after he said something I didn't pick up, but there was a lack of strength behind the motion. Chimera's hands grasped my hips. I'd forgotten why I was doing this. All I knew was that Jake was getting a taste of both of us.

The second chorus began and Chimera and I got into it within seconds.

* * *

_(Jacob's POV)_

Bella was dancing with Chimera in ways that should be illegal. As soon as Missy Elliot's verse began, they were pressed against each other, hands on thighs, pivoting their hips in a circle. Bella's back was to her at one point. Every person nearby was hypnotized by what was going on; Chimera with her exotic beauty, out there sexuality, with a body women would kill for, and not-so-innocent Bella with her lithe body and 'ass for days' with enough flexibility to go low…very low.

They faced each other as the chorus played for the last time. Bella arms were around Chimera' neck, and her hands were on Bella's waist, grinding. Quil was holding Emily's camera. Blackmail. As the instrumental part played, they pulled apart, dancing similarly.

Bella was to the floor, very similar to the VIP room. Her hips bounced with every beat and my mind was completely lost in sexual thoughts.

The song ended. Bella ducked her head and raced to Brian's side, right behind me. "Oh my fucking God," was all she said in a high pitched voice, blushing. Chimera winked at Bella before disappearing in the crowd to dance with Carmen as another song started. Bella took off, moving to the edge of the dance floor. I followed, not sure why I did, and stood beside her. She didn't even look at me. She chewed on her fingernails, her eyes were to the floor, and she was blushing. Once I recovered from the shock of what I'd seen, and after I forced a certain part of my anatomy that didn't understand what the words 'be on your best behavior' meant calmed down, my ears caught what she was muttering to herself. "I can't believe I did that," she said repeatedly.

I hadn't said a word to her except for my snappy response when she asked my ex-girlfriend to dance. I'd been rude, but if we danced together, I wouldn't be able to conceal how much I wanted her. She'd feel it and we'd be out in public, not in her living room. There was still this tension in the air and my gut told me something would crack the second we exited the club's doors and the bachelor and bachelorette party came to a close. "Bella," I cleared my throat. She jumped and gasped before turning to me. "Sorry." She blushed and I smiled.

"Hey," she said, before facing the crowd.

_Just spit it out, Black. _"I need to tell you something."

She shook her head. "I don't want to hear it, Jake. I'm proud I haven't snapped at you or Chimera yet."

I snorted. "You were getting rather cozy with her…"

A red stain enveloped her cheeks and my smile widened. "We'll talk about it in the afternoon." She rubbed her temples. "I still want to tear her hair out, or something." She smirked before ducking her head. "It doesn't make sense…tonight, yesterday, the day before…"

She was referring to the imprint…that didn't exist. "I can try and explain it if you want me too, because I told you wrong. I found some things out."

She pondered what I'd said. "If you told me now, I'd probably forget anyways and you'd have to tell me all over again. If you think it'll make me mad, don't do it. This is Leah and Eric's night. Let's keep it that way."

I began to say something but, without looking at me, she held up her hand. "Bella," I ignored the gesture. "I can't tell you tomorrow. I'll be with Eric and the boys all day and night. We're making sure everything is set. By the time any of us wake up it'll be, like, one or two in the afternoon. Besides, I promised Leah no drama during the wedding. She said to at least save it for the reception."

She stood there pursing her lips before speaking again. "I think you're just coming up with excuses."

Ouch. "Not exactly. I really am going to be busy tomorrow."

She sighed. "I don't think I'm even ready to hear whatever you have to say, and I don't know how to explain why I feel that way." Her eyes met mine. "Save it for later. The wedding will be perfect for Leah."

I nodded in agreement. I bent down to be level with her face and tilted her chin up with my finger, staring into her brown eyes. "I want to dance with you."

"Jake." She shook her head. I could feel her body shivering with anticipation. I was just as excited. I ran my finger along her jaw, loving the feel of her skin, extra soft this night. She closed her eyes. "Let's keep it PG-13, okay?" She whispered before opening her eyes again. She knew then and there that this wouldn't be a PG-13 dance. With music like this and what happened yesterday, and this sexual tension that hadn't been fully resolved, we'd have to struggle to keep it at an R Rating.

Dancing between friends that loved each other, and wanted to be together, and had had sex several times years ago, was completely platonic, right? Yeah, right.

My conscience argued back. _Your body is going to be a little too involved in this dance…_

I took Bella's hand and led her to the dance floor again, no where near our friends. That was already a sign this wouldn't be kid-friendly. We were free to do whatever. Another thing that would not make this a 'friends only' dance was the song the DJ had chosen. One that had my mind flashing to sex on the floor with Bella, years back, making love to the tune of it a night or so after she'd given me a lap dance to the same song at Carmen's 21st. A song that was one of the dirtiest ones I'd heard. One Bella and I could never associate with anything else other than those moments. Lust, desire, need.

God made me dance with Bella to 'Wait (the Whisper Song)' by the Ying Yang Twins.

* * *

_(Bella's POV)_

The second the song began to play the DJ said, "As a request we're playing this song twice and winding the night down with it." 'Wait,' which was the song that became me and Jake's 'sex' anthem. Every couple has a theme song like that…right?

My hands were in both of his, reveling in the heat and his touch, wanting to be closer. He said exactly what I was thinking. "Are you going to come closer?" Why the hell was he using that voice- the raspy, deeper one he knew would turn me on?

I wanted to torment him with words…and maybe more during the first round of the song, and then during the replay my body was going to do all the teasing.

He reeled me in closer, never breaking eye contact. His hands rested on my waist, sliding to my back as he pulled me against him. I could feel all of him- his body, his muscles, everything. Our bodies melded together like a perfect puzzle. I trailed my hands along his chest, slowly, looking up at him from beneath my lashes. I rested my head against his chest and he lowered his head enough so our faces were beside one another. My nose and mouth touched the skin below his ear. It was like the underlying beat matched his heartbeat precisely, thumping with ever 'bump.'

I smiled into the side of his neck. "How'd you like me earlier?" I whispered seductively. My lips grazed over his collar, not kissing, but brushing against his skin. He let in a sharp intake of breath as my hand rested on his stomach.

He chuckled, breathlessly. "Which one?"

"All of them. Let's start with 'Lollipop.' I know you were watching me. I could feel it." My hands slithered to his belt.

He tensed. "Brian shouldn't have had his hands you."

"Really?" I glanced at him. "You were jealous?"

He closed his eyes and nuzzled my cheek. "You're fucking right I was." I shivered as he spoke; his breath tickled my ear.

I brushed my nose against his and kept my eyes on his lips. "Go on…what about the stage?" I dabbed my tongue along his lower lip.

"All the eyes in the room were on you. It wasn't fair. I'd thought I'd only get to see that side of you." He let out a puff of air. "…Except in the VIP room."

"Shh…" I placed my finger on his lips. "We're not there yet." My fingers flitted over his lips before returning to his belt. "What makes you think you're the only one that knows what I'm like behind closed doors?"

His eyes were clouded with lust. "I don't want to think about it." He squeezed me, hard, when a flash of anger flickered in his eyes.

What I'd said was a lie. He'd been the only one that had ever touched me, or aroused my body to such an extent, like it was now, locked in his embrace, slowly moving against him. I hadn't realized that we'd started dancing. "So you admit it. You want me, still…physically at least." His hand clutched my thigh and he pulled me impossibly closer, so I was between his legs. The second we'd adjusted to this position, I forgot there was an imprint involved. I was beginning to think there never had been. But, right now, I didn't want to even think about _that_. "Was it hard to resist?" My lips were inches from his.

"Yes," he said as his hands snuck to the inside of my thighs. I quivered and almost let out a moan. "I thought you figured that out a couple of days ago."

I smiled. "Do you like my dress?" My fingers dipped beneath his shirt. One of his hands rested on my lower back, twitching, itching to touch me.

"You're going off topic." He slid his hand over the bare skin of my back. I shut my eyes and gasped, burying my head against his neck. Four years does that to you.

His mouth hovered over my ear. "Ask me about that show you put on in the VIP room."

I shivered again, dragging my teeth along his neck. I slipped my hands further up his shirt, loving the feel of his hot skin and the muscles beneath. His hands were getting personal with my behind. "Did it bother you?"

"It was more than a little tempting to throw you against the closest surface we could find and let you do anything that song said." My hands slid from his chest to his back and I dug my nails into his shoulders.

"You always did like me on top…"

"You did it on purpose…those moves…" He snagged my earlobe between his teeth.

Thank God our friends weren't nearby.

"You're very smart, Mr. Black."

"Can we discuss how many times we've had sex tonight with nothing but our eyes?" I stared into his eyes, refusing to look away as the song began to play again, this time the unedited version. "You wouldn't even look anywhere else during that performance."

"I've counted, including this moment, at least five." My hands caressed the skin beneath his shirt and he trembled before squeezing my hips. God, he was so hot. I mean literally…all meanings of the word. "Did it turn you on?" I whispered into his ear. I didn't even blush…again.

Somehow my legs had managed to entrap one of his. He shifted his leg and I felt his desire. "What do you think?" He growled, before pressing me flush against his body. The chorus was playing.

Now, in the edited version the women and men emit sounds of pleasure for words used to describe the sex organs of the male and female body. Yeah, that's how dirty the song is.

And I knew another way to drive him crazy.

I reluctantly removed my hands from beneath his shirt and wrapped them around his neck, pulling his head down enough so it was right above mine; I had better access to his neck. '_Wait till you see my_…' I rubbed against his crotch, exactly where I knew he wanted, and I let out a breathy moan into his ear. He visibly swallowed, maintaining his composure the best he could as I continued the same thing for the rest of the chorus.

Someone was turned on.

We were only dancing, right? It was completely harmless…

"Bella." He massaged my sides. "You need to stop that." He obviously didn't want me to because he pulled me harder against him, so my core was grazing against _him_. His hands were preoccupied with my backside and the tops of my thighs. My abdominal muscles tightened as a tingling sensation began. His hands were igniting every nerve…_everything_.

I had to force myself to forget the feeling that was billowing within me. The song was half way through. I could hold off. I knew I needed to change the position without making it obvious how much he was affecting me. I pressed my back against his body, continuing my movements- full body contact. I reached my arm up and lured him down. I buried my face into his neck and my eyes were closed. The evidence of his arousal nudged into my back and it caused me to apply more force. I brushed my backside against his groin as the chorus began again. His hands floated over my sides, my stomach, my thighs, inviting me to do more. My fingers hooked onto his hand and I followed its movement, occasionally guiding him. He met my thrusts every time a moan would have been inserted if this was the censored version.

Out of nowhere, his lips brushed against my neck. They parted and he began sucking on my flesh.

"Jake…" I panted. I jolted as the quake of an orgasm waiting to happen swept through me. _Not here, Bella_. His lips curve into a grin. He'd felt the vibration. He knewand he was doing whatever to bring me to the edge. He moved his mouth to my ear, nibbling, before re-routing back to the crook between my jaw and shoulders, sliding his tongue along the column of my neck. My hand around his neck clenched his thigh. I needed to grip something, anything. "Jacob…" We were still moving against each other, creating friction. His hand was suddenly underneath my dress and on the inside of my underwear. I didn't have time to wonder how he got it there, because he stroked my skin and inched further down. Would he dare? His other hand was tracing circles on my outer thigh, to the inside, and along my sides. His mouth stayed attached to my neck.

"Jake…" I couldn't believe this was happening. "Jake, I'm going to…" I whimpered. I wasn't kidding. My nails dug deeper into his thigh. My other hand adhered to his arm on top of my dress. He hadn't touched me anywhere that would cause a reaction…but I already felt it approaching. Hours of teasing, and minutes of dancing, and feelinghim…I was about to launch myself over the cliff. He should've stopped.

I didn't want him too.

"Do it," he said, huskily, into my ear. His placed his free hand, palm down, on my stomach over my dress; he wanted to feel the tremors that were steadily coursing through me to have proof that he had accomplished what was about to happen. I cried out. The hand under my dress was coasting over my sensitive skin, dipping lower…to that pleasure point. His thumb touched me…he touched me _there_, once, and I bit my lips, tasting blood, as my body shook. A small orgasm. Something only he would know would have occurred

And it took my breath away.

His hand left me and he allowed me to lean against him, as I recuperated. "Shhh…no one noticed," he whispered. "Don't worry about it…Because all that matters is that I did notice." He kissed my neck.

I spun around, teetering as a dizzy spell took over me. I'd never seen such a lust-filled, loving expression on him, ever. I kept my eyes on his as the world around me came into focus and I realized we weren't alone. It was so easy to become lost in him, or for us to be lost in each other.

Reality came crashing back down and it hit me like an electric shock. I couldn't believe it took all of that, what he'd done, for me to realize something so important. I wanted to slap myself silly and punch him hard. Because there was no way he'd have done that, with his hands and his mouth, or kissed me a few days ago, or almost had sex with me…

I didn't think my eyes had the ability to widen anymore than they already were. And shock didn't even cover how I was feeling. I finally spoke, although I'd almost been rendered speechless.

"You didn't imprint on her."


	30. The Aftermath

Disclaimer: blah blah Stephenie Meyer owns the characters you recognize blah blah. Lyrics: Enjoy the Silence- Lacuna Coil

(A/N**: **Thanks for the reviews, faves, and alerts! Add yourself to NTL's group on JB-n-Pack. Do it. Linked in my profile. I will say this from now on: **if anything happens to this story, it's there, okay?**)

* * *

**Chapter 28: The Aftermath**

_Words like violence  
Break the silence  
Come crashing in  
Into my little world  
Painful to me  
Pierce right through me  
Can't you understand  
Oh my little girl_

_(Jacob's POV)_

If there was reward for self control, I should have won it.

I couldn't believe what I'd done; I'd touched Bella, my ex-girlfriend, in public, and after teasing her to her limits I brought her to an orgasm with a single flick of my finger.

And I hadn't thrown her over my shoulder and escaped to some dark booth to have my way with her.

By now, the erection straining against my jeans was painful and _ready_ for her. But I couldn't do shit about it. It'd been her fault to begin with…her movements during 'Wait,' intentionally grinding against my crotch. She wouldn't have done any of that in public if she wasn't drunk. She'd made noises I hadn't heard come from her lips in so long. I'd weakened as the song finished, too aroused to think properly, and my hands had gained a mind of their own, sliding all over her body. My mouth had been permanently glued to her neck.

She was standing a few feet away from me, looking gorgeously flushed with her eyes wide open and an obvious love bite on the crook of her neck and shoulder, thankfully concealed by her hair. She'd said what I'd been trying to tell her for a while now; she'd finally realized I hadn't imprinted on Chimera.

Would she remember what I'd said when I eventually said it? Had I really touched her like that? Could she forget I had? She'd reacted strongly for something so little.

I didn't know how long we'd last with the tension. I knew what I wanted, but I needed to fix everything before I had her to myself again. I opened my mouth to answer her comment, 'you didn't imprint on her.' When I noticed the very girl Bella was referring standing nearby. "Shit," Bella hissed. Chimera stormed out of the club, furious. Her hands were clenched to her sides. I hadn't ever seen her as angry as she was now. I felt so guilty that I hardly spared Bella a glance as I ran after Chimera, pushing through the crowd and exiting the club. I heard Bella's footsteps as she followed me, but Autumn's remarkably sweet voice stopped her. At least she wouldn't be leaving the club alone.

I hurried through the side door of the club, dashed into the chilly night (even if I ran at a hot temperature, I still knew when it was cold. It made me human). The street here was hardly used. It was one of the back alleyways that the employees used for smoke and lunch breaks.

Chimera jogged down the nearly vacant road; the crowd leaving the club was using the front door. "Chimera!" I shouted. "Hey…stop!"

She came to an abrupt halt and pivoted around. Her eyes were threatening, daring me to come any closer, and her cheeks were tearstained. "What the hell was that?" Her voice shook as she held back a new set of tears. She was never like this; she had much more control over her emotions. She'd put up with my shit the past few weeks and this…this was it.

She'd reached her breaking point.

I pretended I didn't know what she was talking about, because, truthfully, I wasn't sure. "What was what?"

She scowled. "Don't play stupid with me, Jacob Black," she spat, marching towards me.

"We were dancing! I'd dance with anyone like that." Even I knew I didn't sound convincing.

I don't lie often, remember?

"Jake, seriously?" She fucking screamed at me and pointed to the inside of the club. "That was not dancing. That was…fucking with your clothes on." She clenched her teeth. "Can you really look at me and say you didn't want to have sex with her the entire night? Or the past few weeks?"

"What's the matter with me finding her attractive? You and I broke up, Chimera. I'm free to do whatever I want." The words slipped out before I could stop them. That wasn't smart. "And so are you!" I shot back.

"I don't want to! I want to be with you! And you've been…I don't even know how to describe it." She clutched the roots of her hair. Her watery eyes darted to mine. "Can I ask you something?" She crept closer to me. "What's the real reason why you didn't sleep with me, at all, after she came back?"

"I told you," I gritted my teeth, aggravated. "I'm not over her. You didn't deserve it."

"Didn't deserve what?" She was only a few steps away from me.

I started to say something, but cut myself off and finally spoke again after what seemed like several minutes. "Because you didn't deserve to have me imagining someone else when I was with you," I whispered.

"I knew it." Our eyes met. I'd never seen her so angry. "You told me it was unrequited because she was with that Edward guy, the vampire, and committed to him, right?" I chewed on my lip and nodded. "And she did love you like _that_, but not enough, according to her, correct?" I opened my mouth to say something, but chose to nod instead. "But she didn't get married to him, I'm presuming, and she ran off." I could do nothing but continue inclining my head to say 'yes.' "The two of you were involved, weren't you? I mean deeply in love, together, in a relationship during those months you never talked about?" I was amazed at how calm her voice was as she pieced things together, and how she remembered what I didn't discuss with her. "Answer me, Jake," she ground her teeth together. "The two of you did get a chance to be together. She gave you that chance."

"Yes." I couldn't lie. There was no use; she knew.

"And you're in love with her and she loves you?"

"Chimera…"

Tears were streaming down her face. It broke me. All I wanted was to hold her in my arms and beg forgiveness. "And the imprint isn't real, is it?"

I contemplated telling her that wasn't true, but I'd only be digging myself in a deeper hole. "Sam and the Elders confirmed it isn't. I should have known. I'm sorry." Again, this hurt more than it should have.

"Did you ever love me?"

I'd been walking in circle and stopped, veering around to face her. "I still do!" I gripped her shoulders. She firmly grasped my wrists, glowered at me, and shoved me off. I backed away from the force behind it. I was too tired and hurt and aroused and confused to fight back.

I heard a pair of heels clicking against the concrete of the sidewalk as Bella and Brian appeared around the side of the club. "Hey," Bella bellowed. Her words were slurred; she'd had more to drink. Brian attempted to catch up with her. Chimera rolled her eyes and wiped her face with her hand, stepping away from me, facing the new arrivals. Bella, beautiful, drunk, turned on, Bella, with her pupils dilated, was a few feet away now. "Is it true?" She tripped over the curb and Brian caught her before she swatted him away and stepped down to meet us in the middle of the street. "You really didn't imprint on her? Because it makes sense, you know, since you've been spending so much time with me and then there were the almost-kisses, and the almost-sex, and the dancing and the orgasm…and…"

Chimera's eyes darkened. I blushed, horrified, and Bella shut her mouth, realizing because she was intoxicated she'd said something she shouldn't have.

All hell broke loose after that.

* * *

_(Bella's POV)_

I blindingly strolled out of the club with Brian, who was struggling to hold me upright while simultaneously trying to steal my beer right from my fingertips. I avoided him, dancing around and giggling, holding the bottle just out of his reach as he repeated several times how I didn't need any more to drink. This last beer had been the one to throw me over the edge and surpass my tolerance level. I rarely drank beer, but when I did, its effects began almost instantly.

Immediately following when Jacob ran after Chimera outside, I thought of the worst case scenario- that they were reuniting, anything negative. The alcohol had finally won and my mind refused to understand what was really going on, until I stumbled around the club to witness Jacob and Chimera in a standoff in the alley. I called out, "Hey," and headed towards them, finally ready to inflict harm on Chimera…Jacob too…one of them…and scream.

Then I blurted out what happened in the apartment and how I'd achieved a climax in the center of the dance floor, unnoticeably of course. I knew I'd drown in a sea of regret when I finally woke up after I passed out, but right now I wanted her to hear everything I had to say. Alcohol always brings out a person's worst side. I'd already shown the horny side and now the aggressive, bitchy side was ready to be released.

"What did you just say?" Chimera said, in a tone dripping with anger, but surprisingly cool and collected. I vaguely heard Brian chuckle.

I smirked. "I thought you saw us dancing?"

"Bella." Jake hissed. "Stop…"

"Jake," I mocked his tone. "Sorry, but the Alpha voice is not going to work on me in this situation."

"Bella we really should…" Brian pointed to the others gathered around the sidewalk who were pretending they weren't paying any attention to us.

"You stay the fuck out of this," Jake warned Brian, before I could tell him not to worry about it.

"What the fuck did I do?"

I crossed my arms. "You did absolutely nothing."

"Like hell he did," Jake snarled and lurched forward. I maneuvered myself between them to make sure Jake didn't do anything rash.

"Really, Jake," I giggled drunkenly. "Brian and I were having fun."

I placed a hand on Jake's chest as he continued to verbally express his anger. "You had no right to have your hands on her like that."

Brain stepped away and walked around in that irritating strut he always did, pretending to think, but ready to be sarcastic. "If I recall the two of you…" He gestured between us. "…are broken up. Bella and I were only dancing."

"He's a really good dancer," I hiccupped.

"And believe me," Brian motioned between us again. "That show on the dance floor you think no one saw? My dancing was kid-friendly compared to the pornographic nature of yours."

"You son of a bitch," Jake rushed forward again, but this time Chimera slapped her hand hard against his chest and scowled at him. His features softened when he saw her.

She was glaring at him…and me. "What kind of person…" Her voice was dangerously low as she leaned towards me, releasing her hold on Jake. "…does something like that with a man who's just gotten out of a relationship? Or dance for him in front of their friends, blatantly eye-fucking him to spite a girl who'd still in love with him?"

"For your information…" I snapped. Brian grasped my wrist to stop me. I shook his hand away. "I didn't do that to piss you off, I did it for him."

She narrowed her eyes. "Knowing I was there?"

"See…" I strode towards her. "Jake and I…" My gaze fell on him before it returned to her. "…tend to get a little lost in each other…"

She scoffed. "So that involves almost fucking on the dance floor?"

"And the living room floor…" I waved my hand. "But you guys didn't see that, so it doesn't matter…"

I didn't register Chimera's hand flying up to slap me across my cheek, until she did and a stinging sensation was left behind. I clutched my cheek. Jacob went to move between us, reaching for me, but I dodged him as I put a finger to my mouth, removing it to see my lip was bleeding. That bitch could hit. "You think you can march back here and steal the one thing that's been good for me?" Her eyes pooled with tears and evident quakes coursed through every word she spoke.

"I didn't steal him," I spat. "I've been fighting my ass off for him. That's why I danced like that! I _still_ feel like I'm losing him!" I cried.

Jake didn't say a word and shook his head. Our friends were not hiding that they knew what was going on. They'd been observing us throughout this whole 'show.' Their murmurs were silenced following what I'd said.

"Do you have any idea how terrible it's been for me since I left for NYU almost 4 years ago? I've been lonely, upset, heartbroken, and I don't' belong here anymore, like you! I hate it!"

"_You_ don't belong? Ever since you came back every person wants to be around you, or see you. They like you more, in case you hadn't noticed! Every time I've walked into the room, and you were there, I was the one that felt out of place!" I couldn't believe I was hearing this from her mouth. If I didn't hate her so much right now I might have shed tears for her. "Jacob wanted to spend more time with his ex-flame than his current girlfriend. How the hell do you think that made me feel? It's the lowest blow possible! He wouldn't touch me, or make love to me, or anything!" Brian cleared his throat and Jake shifted uncomfortably. I remained still, staring at Chimera. "And then I find out that you and he almost had sex in your apartment? That's the highest form of rejection!" She was out of breath. She suddenly turned to Jacob and her lips quivered. "Did you really…?" She shook her head and clutched her hair. "I can't even say it."

"…Touch Bella on the dance floor?" Brian interjected.

"Brian," I hissed at the same time Jacob said, "Shut the fuck up!"

"You saw that?" Jake gasped.

Brian shrugged. "It was kind of hard to miss if you were really paying attention…"

"Oh my God," Chimera muttered. "You really did."

My cheeks heated up. Brian mouthed a 'sorry.' I shook my head, feeling dizzy again, noticing I'd already given things away by blushing over it earlier.

"Do you really love him, Bella?" Chimera whispered to me, cheeks reddened from tears. Jake inhaled sharply.

I didn't say anything.

* * *

_(Jacob's POV)_

I didn't even know how to react to what had happened. None of us said a word.

Brian cleared his throat. "I should get you home." He wrapped an arm around Bella.

Chimera completely lacked the confidence she usually carried on her shoulders that was visible to everyone. "Chimera, I'm sorry. I should have kept my hands to myself," I whispered.

Her body heaved with sobs she forced down. "Jake I forgive easily, but I don't forget." She walked away.

I was her ride home. Fuck. "Brian!" He and Bella turned around. She pitched forward and he captured her before she hit the ground.

"Are you going to apologize?" He said, half-smiling.

"Sorry?"

"Me too," he said in that annoyingly condescending and sarcastic voice he'd mastered.

"I'll take her home."

Bella glanced at me, wobbling on her feet. Her eyes, red from exhaustion, the weed smoke from the club and the alcohol she'd had, shimmered with more tears. "Chimera doesn't want to see me right now." I swallowed a lump that felt a hell of a lot like a sob.

"Fine." He tenderly pushed Bella to me after mumbling a goodbye to her and catching up with Chimera.

At least the secret was out. Now it was about forgiving and moving on.

I held Bella against my side and kept her on her feet as her head slumped forward like she was dozing off. "What if I don't want you to take me home?" She curved her body against my chest.

I couldn't help but chuckle, too exhausted to act out on how I really felt. "I don't need you trying to rape Brian."

"Oh." Her hands slid off my sides as I set her in the Mustang and buckled her up. She leaned back against the headrest and her eyes closed. "And you think I won't put the moves on you?"

I knew she was out of it. I smiled. "You can't rape the willing," I muttered as I started the car and closed my door.

"Mmmhmm," she smacked her lips and yawned, curling into a ball in the seat. She slept the entire ride back to her apartment, snoring quietly.

I nudged her awake enough to pull her into my arms and carry her bridal style upstairs. Her friends weren't home yet. I set her on the bed, slipped off her shoes and propped her head against a pillow, wanting to take care of her and wishing for the night to be over.

Even if the emotional part had yet to be put to rest, I hoped this would all be solved soon.

I pulled the sheet over her and tucked it around her as she turned onto her side. I stood up, ready to leave, when she grabbed my arm. She was watching me. She gave me a gentle tug and I sat beside her, brushing her hair out of her face, smiling slightly. "I'm sorry… about all of it…everything," she whispered. Her chocolate eyes brimmed with tears. "I shouldn't have started anything with Chimera…"

"Hey…" I gazed into her eyes. "You're drunk; I can't blame you for your actions when you're like this."

"Then what's your excuse?"

I recoiled slightly at the indication of anger in her voice. "For what?"

"Why did you _touch _me?" Her cheeks flushed scarlet and she shifted to bury her head in her pillow. I stopped her and cupped her cheek.

My dick twitched at the reminder. I gulped. "Because I couldn't resist anymore."

Honesty.

"What are we going to do, Jake?"

My eyes drifted to the pillow beside her head, and I swallowed back a tide of emotions.

"These past few weeks…" She was drunk, but she wanted me to hear this.

It took all my self control to not sweep her into my arms and make love to her all night long as I watched her, lying there in her sexy dress, the dim light of her lamp illuminating her face. My eyes followed the column of her neck, the swell of her breasts and down her waist and legs. "Jake, are you listening?"

I shook my head to rid myself of lustful thoughts. "Yeah, I'm sorry," I laughed quietly. I met her eyes again. "Go on."

"These past few weeks, I'd done everything I can to not cry over you." My heart skipped a beat and another awful weight settled in my stomach. "I broke down, you know?" She clasped my hands and I twined our fingers together. She rested our hands over her heart. She sounded miserable, sleepy, and hurt. "Every tear I shed for you is just another reminder…" She paused and wiped her face with her sheet.

I brought my lip into my mouth, eyes set on hers. I stroked her hand with my thumb. "Of what?" I squeezed her gently, urging her on.

"…of how I don't know how to let you go."

Tears threatened to spill out of the corners of my eyes. "Bella…"

My heart shattered as my eyes fell to the bracelet on her wrist that I should have noticed hours ago. It was the bracelet I gave her when I presented my mother's ring to her. My eyes widened. "You kept it."

She shook her head, solemnly. "Yeah…I never wore it though. I couldn't." She looked at me again. "I tried…I tried to date again. I tried to force myself to not think about you, to force myself to fall for someone else, but I couldn't. I still can't. I don't think I ever can." I didn't know what to say, and she wasn't done speaking. "Do you know what I did every night before Autumn's told me the Volturi were no longer a threat?" Tremors made their way to her beautiful, soft voice, scratchy from lack of sleep.

My eyes never left hers. "I wouldn't know."

"I cried myself to sleep every single night."

I almost let my emotional barrier collapse as another tear ripped my heart apart for the thousandth time. This really, honestly, hurt like a motherfucker.

"I cried because I didn't have you near me, I cried because we would never be reunited, I cried because I missed your presence, your smile, your voice, your touch, your kisses, your love…I just missed you. And it always hurt…every time. I never thought I was capable of crying that hard. I wanted to get over you. I kept telling myself we'd never be together again and that I should forget you, but nothing worked…_nothing_." Her body was shaking from sobs that wouldn't escape. _Violent shakes_. She was whimpering.

I didn't realize I'd been crying until I felt my cheeks get damp.

I pulled her into my arms and let her cry, stroking her back and hair, holding her close, rocking her back and forth as her hands dug into the fabric of my shirt. I did nothing but hold her, forcing my wall to remain where it was. One of us had to be strong.

"I-I'm s-s-so e-embarrassed," she sobbed. I shushed her in hopes of soothing her. After several minutes she stopped crying and her breathing evened out. I pulled away enough to see her body slack in my arms, asleep. Still holding myself together, I laid her back on the bed, choosing to place her above the covers because I didn't want to wake her. I deposited chaste, lingering kisses on her forehead, cheeks, eyelids, and mouth before I turned off her light and left her apartment.

It took the rest of my willpower to remain composed during the ride home.

_All I ever wanted  
All I ever needed  
Is here in my arms_

* * *

_The Black residence_

_La Push reservation_

The second I reached my house, I opened my car door to see all of my pack mates gathered in my front lawn, waiting for me. They watched me as I trudged towards the front door. "Yeah," I said as I walked up the steps. "The imprint isn't real." I paused in the doorway. They didn't say anything, but ducked their heads or nodded. "I'm going to sleep," I raised my voice. "Let Sam explain it to you." My eyes fell on Sam, who was propped against a tree, looking at the ground. His eyes met mine. "Please," I pleaded. He nodded curtly.

I fell asleep the second my body hit my bed.

* * *

_The following day- one day before the wedding_

When I awoke and began to set up with the guys, they avoided discussing what Sam had said. Some of them didn't seem shocked that the imprint wasn't real, because all the signs had been misleading when they actually took time to think about it. They'd only believed it _was_ because I made myself believe it, therefore influencing what they believed.

But now that the truth was out, all that was left was to make amends with Chimera, which I wouldn't be able to do until the day of the wedding. Leah, Eric, and the guys were kidnapping me for the entire day to help out, and I knew Chimera probably hated me right now and didn't wish to speak with me.

After that, maybe I could finally tell Bella how I felt.

* * *

_Feelings are intense  
Words are trivial  
Pleasures remain  
So does the pain  
Words are meaningless  
And forgettable_

_(Bella's POV)_

I didn't wake up until 3 in the afternoon the next day, and I had a massive headache.

I moaned, feeling disgusting in my clothes from the night before; my face felt slimy. I immediately rushed to the bathroom, relieved myself, stripped off my clothes and showered to prepare for a lazy evening, thankful I hadn't puked. Kyle, Ashley, and Angela were feeling the same way as we met up for dinner and coffee (one of our hangover cures) in the main kitchen.

I could only remember brief flashes of what happened at the bachelor/bachelorette party. I pole danced, danced on the stage with the girls. I didn't remember any details, until I decided to take a bubble bath later that night to relax my muscles.

My thighs, legs, and abdominal muscles, ached from dancing and…I literally bolted upright in my tub and splashed water over the sides as everything that happened last night flowed back into my mind.

Showing up with Brian, dancing with him, pissing Jacob off, dancing with the girls, Leah's 'She Wolf' Dance, eye fucking, pole dancing to 'Pony,' doing nothing but staring at Jacob the entire time, moving like a stripper. Actual strippers, crazy pack boys, a sexy dance-off with Chimera to let Jacob witness the two of us side-by-side; dancing to 'Wait' with Jacob and rubbing against him in ways that should be reserved for the bedroom.

I released the drain and hopped out of the tub, gazing in the mirror to discover a huge hickey on my neck. I pushed my hair aside and found another on my ear, and one more on my shoulder.

Jake's mouth had greedily tasted my neck.

And then I remembered how he touched me, which explained why my stomach muscles were pleasantly achy. Jake had put his fingers and hands in places they hadn't been in years. And he brought me to a climax. A fucking orgasm. The best I'd had since before I left NYU. "Oh God," I gasped, blushing madly. My smile faded and I actually tripped on my rug as the rest of the night flashed through my mind so fast. I almost blacked out.

Yelling at Chimera, turning into the bitch I kept hidden that the alcohol revealed and finding out the imprint wasn't real.

_The imprint wasn't real._ It didn't exist.

Jacob hadn't officially confirmed it to me, but I knew it. I just wanted to know why it wasn't.

The final image made its way to my mind as I changed into my pajamas around 11...

_I'd cried in Jake's arms. _

Last night may have changed the course of things to come.

I sat on my bed, forcing myself to not think about what had happened any longer, and began to write some of the novel I should've been working on. I opened it, stared at the blank first page, and wrote for two hours straight. I didn't know why, but I chose to write about my life, but claim it as fiction and change the names.

I started with the day I moved to Forks.

I'd been so engrossed in writing everything that came to mind, whipping through the pages of my notebook, writing in cursive because it was quicker, that I didn't hear my door creak open. Only when the door closed behind my visitor did I jump, startled, and faced the door.

It was two in the morning and Chimera was standing in my room.

She was wearing her work clothes, which included a ripped skirt, tank top and high heeled boots with her hair in silky waves that framed her face. She was nervous…and hurt. "Um, Ashley and Angela were still awake. They let me in."

I closed my notebook. "Chimera…"

She smiled grimly. "Bella, I shouldn't have hit you."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "It was due time. I deserved it. I shouldn't have verbally attacked you like that."'

She shrugged and sat beside me on the corner of my bed. "You know they say if people really care about each other, a screaming match will occur at one time or another."

I chuckled. "Still…I was drunk. I shouldn't' have done any of that in public." I became somber again. "I should've…not danced for him either, while you were there." She toyed with a thread on my sheets as she listened. "Or admitted that we'd almost had sex, or danced with him so erotically or…do you get my point?"

She nodded and gave me a closed mouthed smile. "Bella, I do care about you. I know after everything you may not believe it." I rolled my eyes. "But, I really do. I know who you were the second you hugged him so many weeks ago." My eyes narrowed in confusion. "He doesn't know but…I did. I just can't believe it took me so long to realize you were in love with him too. Every action you've done has proved how much you love him."

A silence passed. "I'm in love with him Chimera. I'm sorry, but I can't…not love him. Everything that's happened since I returned has been an attempt to earn my place in his life again, a spot I swore you stole from me."

She squeezed my hand before placing her hands back in her lap. "No one can replace you, Bella. He loves you." I ran my fingers through my hair nervously. "But I love him too."

"Tell me."

"Tell you what?" She asked, puzzled.

"Tell me why you love him so much." What on earth possessed me to ask that?

She sighed. "It started with me stumbling across him in Canada." I grimaced. "Where he spent all of his time depressed over you. I can't…Bella I don't' even know how to put in words how heartbroken he was. I spent more time with him, learned about him, supported him, until I started to develop feelings I never knew I could have. How could a one night stand result in me falling head-over-heels in love with him?" She glanced at me, before looking away again. "When these feelings developed, I was scared, and I never saw him again, until Julius took me to the Res. I got to know the real Jacob, although he was still hurting over you. I didn't know why one girl could cause him so much pain, but I do now." Her eyes locked with mine again. "The two of you were romantically involved…he was your first."

I was dumbfounded. "H-How…?"

"When I first met you, Lana, my ex-best friend, had set up a game to make you reveal your deepest secrets. You said you'd given yourself to one guy and one guy only and you hadn't been able to love another since. You cried over him, and I had no idea until I saw you again that day you came back that it was because of Jacob." Another silence passed and I mulled over what she'd said. She continued, "He's so much fun. He's warm, he's kind, he's got the heart the size of the Western Hemisphere. Over the years, after I came to the Res, I got to know every layer that made up _him_. His mood brightened with every day I saw him and he made me smile." She grinned. "We went tubing one day in a nearby spring with the pack. We'd taken a road trip." My heart sunk as I imagined what it would've been like to have been there with them. "He flipped my tube over and I fell in. I went after him, punched him a few times, playing around. He was laughing as I crawled back in the tube. He tried to flip me again but I stopped him and he smiled at me. It was the first time I'd seen his real smile. That single moment changed my life. I was completely gone after that, and I knew I could never go back to who I once when I first met him. Bella, I fell in love with him the moment I saw that smile.

"I've seen you two together, Bella. He loves you _so much_. I don't even know how to describe it. So, I fought, tried to hate you, but couldn't, because I love you too. You're still my friend, even if you hate me at the moment."

It was the first light I'd seen between Chimera and me. We both knew what it was like to fall in love with Jacob Black, and I regained my respect for her. We had a better understanding of each other in that moment. She'd only been in love once, and it was him. "I know he loves you, Chimera," I said, almost inaudibly, not looking at her.

She shook her head. "If he and I are meant to be, we're meant to be. But, if it's not meant to be, maybe it's a blessing." She gazed at me. "He's been a blessing to me, Bella. Meeting him was my ticket out of the shithole I was submerged in. I promised I'd aim for another life the day I met him. He's changed me for the better…and I still love him. But, I know real love when I see it, even if you think it's hard to believe that I would ever recognize something that powerful."

She looked like a goddess in the moonlight that shone through my window.

Our eyes met again. "I don't understand."

"Bella, you never had to fight for his affection. You won the second he saw you again."

I gawked at her.

She stood up. "It's late. We've got a wedding tomorrow. Leah's wedding…unbelievable," she chuckled. "It's going to be a busy day. I'll see you then?" She smiled warmly.

_I'd already won. _

She left before I had time to react to what she'd said.

_Words are very unnecessary  
They can only do harm  
_

_Enjoy the silence_

* * *

(A/N: **Review!** The happy ending is about to begin! ;))


	31. Breathe

Disclaimer: Lyrics: Nothing and Everything- Red and All That We Needed- Plain White T's (I don't like the way this song sounds, but I like the lyrics). The songs at the reception are mentioned throughout the chapter. I don't own them either.

(A/N: Thanks for the reviews, faves, and alerts! Congrats to **Yanebaby08** for being my _800__th_ review! A playlist for the reception is in my YouTube account and JB-n-Pack group for this story. Pictures and wedding details are also in my JB-n-Pack group for this story and my photo bucket account. All linked in my profile. Go join JB-n-Pack! **If anything happens to the story, it's there**! Special thanks to **aylen kim**, **goose14226**, and **I'llBeWaitingInTheWings**- your song recs are used in this chapter =) _**I suggest listening to the songs as they're mentioned!**_ **Warning: Sexting and mild sexual content**.)

(_Other news_: This fic is getting recognition…which, I never thought would happen. I thank the girls at JB-n-Pack for that! My group for NTL has been featured on that site and I was nominated for the Silent Tear awards. I can't believe how far this story has gone…and we're, like 6 or so chapters away from ending this story. Thank you! It means so much to me that you've stuck with me THIS long and had faith in me regardless of everything that's happened. This chapter is the start of the happy ending! You all deserve it for having so much patience with me and supporting me no matter what!)

* * *

**Chapter 29: Breathe**

_You could say we were just a big mistake._

_I think it's worth making,_

_Worth repeating._

_I would say good things come to those who wait._

_I would say anything if you'd believe it._

_The day of Leah's wedding_

_(Bella's POV)_

I woke up with one sure thought in my head: today would be a good day.

It was the first time in a very long time that I felt today would go by without a hitch. I woke up facing the day with a confidence I didn't know I possessed, complete with a smile on my face.

Kyle, Angela, Ashley, and I were required to be at the location for the wedding no later than noon. The ceremony would be at 6 pm- a sunset ceremony. And to think Leah couldn't act like the girl she was and appreciate such a clichéd thing. Leah was a romantic at heart; all girls were. We like that sappy stuff, even if guys hate it.

We'd be taking my car, Ashley's Lexus, and Kyle's new Honda CRV, which he bought as an early Christmas gift for himself saying we didn't have to buy him anything for that occasion. The others were cooking, so all we had to supply was various desserts and finger food, all expertly placed on crystal platters, garnished with fake flower petals of fall shades. We'd been instructed to supply the alcohol for the adults and punch for the kids, as well as the others choosing not to drink. So, basically we would show up with everything but the main course.

We met back downstairs around 10:45, completely dressed: Kyle in his white suit with a red tie, looking dashing as usual; Angela, wearing a simple red and white patterned sundress with matching heels, her hair in a tidy up do; and Ashley, clothed in a red blouse tucked into a black skirt set high on her waist, offering a nice amount of cleavage; her look was a professional one only a few people could pull off.

And then there was me with my little red dress, nude makeup and white heels, my hair in soft waves that cascaded down my upper back, almost weightless around my shoulders because of the 'special' product Autumn had given to me earlier. It was difficult to not imagine what had happened the last time I wore this dress, when Jake and I kissed…_really kissed_… and almost let go of all of the pent up passion we'd held for each other. I couldn't' prevent the blush from rising in my cheeks when that thought came to mind and I tried to hide my face as we stacked the food into Ashley and Kyle's cars. Angela would ride with me because most of the decorations and food were piled in their vehicles. My car was the smallest, so it held little, but I did beg to have the cake in my car. It was my masterpiece for this wedding and I wanted it in my line of sight at all times.

I led the way as we drove to La Push, up into a mountain on the Reservation, where the wedding would be held. We pulled off the concrete and veered off to the side, following a gravel path I didn't know existed.

I couldn't describe how beautiful this place was. There were magnificent, green trees everywhere that had survived the cold weather, although there were still plenty of drooping, dead ones stripped bare, leaving a skeletal framework of woods, contrasting with the lively shrubbery surrounding them. The sky was overcast as usual, but the sun peeked over one of the faint, bluish mountain peaks in the distance, behind this special events dining hall where this would be held.

The building was a two story, wooden, classic, old fashioned design resting on top a steep section of terrain that sloped down. We were so high up in the mountains that clouds hovered directly above the building, so the area around us was obscured with fog.

A few cars were parked along the road. We found a spot near the entrance. I didn't see anyone; they must've all been inside. I wanted to know how big this wedding would be. I knew that Leah's side would be huge. Everyone on the Res knew her family, since her mother was on the Council, and I could longer keep track of how many people made up the group that was tied to the pack. Eric must have had a large family too. He was from another reservation, and family always came first, or so Sam told me.

We walked inside, leaving our trunks and doors open, carrying what we could. The first floor was the reception hall. Tables, chairs, a DJ Booth, as well as the bride and groom's table, were arranged around of the dance floor. The room was enormous; we had our work cut out for us.

I didn't know where to start, so I settled for following my co-workers into the kitchen. Somehow we'd all grabbed food platters. Kyle was carrying one of the cakes I'd made, the main one to be exact, with white frosting slathered on vanilla cake, embellished with multi-colored flower petals. It was circular and stacked, with the base being the largest section, and the top being the smallest. I was pretty proud of my creation.

The kitchen was an off white shade, counters were attached to the walls, and an island stood in the center, where the food would be deposited as servers would carry things in and out throughout the evening. The room was clean; I could smell the refreshing scent of lemon. The floors were made of white and black marble, and a room sized fridge and freezer were in the back wall behind silver, metal doors. The entire room was simple, yet glamorous.

"So, no one's here?" Ashley chuckled. "I guess we're confined to this room."

"Only until we get the food stored away and set up, sweetie," Kyle cooed, setting down my cake. I quickly placed the trays in my hand on the countertop and rushed to his side, positioning my hands under the cake, watching his actions with wide eyes. "Bella, honey," Kyle snickered, retrieving it from my grasp. I almost freaked out. "I'm not going to drop it." I wasn't satisfied until he carefully set it down on the table.

"Let's get this set up, ladies!" Angela clapped her hands, 'pumping us up.' We spent the next hour doing precisely what she said. I couldn't help but wonder where everyone was and why there were other cars here.

Seth, Sue, what I assumed to be Eric's parents and maybe a cousin of his, joined us shortly after to assist. Seth kept blushing every time he looked at me. He had a girlfriend, but I knew the kid may have had a crush on me.

Or maybe he was blushing because he recognized the dress from Jake's thoughts during one of their runs. _Shit._

We stocked all that needed to be kept refrigerated in the cooler. Sue, who hadn't said a word to me since I returned, gushed over the cakes, saying Leah would love them. She became extremely emotional and excused herself, saying she _did_ have to help her daughter get dressed.

Quil, Embry, Jared, Paul, and Brian stopped by about two hours after we arrived, right on time to follow our orders as we began decorating the reception hall- utensils, candles, flowers, tablecloths. We placed white candles at every table. Each candle was enclosed in glass with petals embedded into it. We ended up breaking out one of the wine bottles and toasting, teasing each other, and talking. A good start to a good day; we all felt the excitement in the atmosphere.

The DJ made his first appearance of the day and switched on the white and red disco lights hanging over the dance floor. He was able to change their speed and colors to whatever someone requested, or to fit the mood of the song.

We ended up in the kitchen, making sure the dishes were clean enough. "Sparkly enough?" Quil squinted at the plate in his hand.

I laughed, wiping another glass with a rag. "Your eyes should know best…" I winked.

Embry, beside me, gave me a funny look, lowering his glass and grinning. "Someone's in a good mood."

I shrugged. "It's a wedding. It's supposed to be a happy day."

I finally took the time to notice how handsome the guys looked in their crisp, button down shirts and ties, a few jackets hanging on a coat rack beside the kitchen, hooked into the wall, some with read corsages pinned to the pockets. "You men look good today," I raised my voice over the racket the glasses made, watching the boys back out into the main room, in and out, rushing. We still had to set up for the ceremony. They were being so helpful! Once I spoke they gave me looks of thanks and confusion. I blushed.

Brian patted my back affectionately as he passed me. "Not as good as you, darling."

"Oh!" I shouted after him as he pushed through the kitchen door. I dangled a few glasses between my fingers and followed him out. "So, you actually don't think you're the most attractive one here today?"

He winked over his shoulder as we split paths to go to separate tables, adding the first set of the final round of dishes. "Shocker, right? Sugar, you almost got the bride beat," he mimicked a southern accent.

I jerked my head towards him after I adjusted one of the table cloths, making sure it was symmetrically lined up. Every detail mattered. We were generally paid a great sum of money for our services, but it had to be as perfect as we could make it. We didn't want to rip off our customers. _Honesty is the best policy_. "You saw Leah?"

"No," he sniggered, glancing at me as he set down plates as one of the final touches to a table. The others sped out with utensils and set them alongside each plate. So they _did_ know dining etiquette!

I glared at him. "Jerk."

"Babe," Quil called out from another table across the dance floor. "You'll see her in, like, an hour. She'll be here and she'll go upstairs, and all you girls will follow like women do…"

I felt a weight settle in my chest. I was wasting quality time I could be spending with the girls. I had to though, because I was also catering this wedding, as well as participating in it. I was going to crash the second I got home, hopefully before 10…that'd be nice. My muscles were sore; I'd been on my feet all day.

"Question," Ashley chimed in, smiling up at Paul as he set dishes down beside her. He winked at her. She blushed.

"Ask it, sweetie," Jared cut in, passing behind her. They were using pet names? _Everyone_ was in a fabulous mood.

Ashley blushed again as Jared spoke to her. She'd never seen guys this attractive. Too bad they were all taken or imprinted.

She smiled widely, folding a personalized napkin- every guest had an assigned spot where they'd sit for the meal. "Where is everyone?"

"Leah's with the girl's down the road," Paul answered.

My head shot up and I eyed all of them as they bustled around with the final set of dishes listening as Kyle and Angela barked orders. "Really?" I couldn't believe I'd just addressed _Paul_, who almost killed me a few years ago.

"Duh," he sneered. "Did you not see the house they're in?" He grinned. Paul was giving me a smile that wasn't offensive or cruel. Progress. "It's her grandmother's house. The fancy one up the road…lucky bitch," he said under his breath.

"Oh." I really was having a good time. Today was a good day. I wanted to dance and sing sappy songs!

I'm a fucking nutcase.

Emily came rushing in, out of breath, wearing a gorgeous, floor length, curve hugging, deep red gown. "Bella!"

Quil opened his arms in greeting. "Mama Wolf!"

She gave him a playful glare, before heading towards me as everyone chorused a welcome. "Leah wants to see you." She grasped my hand and started to walk away.

I stopped her, squeezing her hand. "Who…wait…what? I need to set up! We're not done yet!"

"Bella…" Kyle stroked my arm. He lowered his voice. "Relax. We've got it."

I glanced at him, Ashley, and Angela. "B-But…"

"We've got tons of help, Bella," Angela chuckled, motioning to the guys.

"You calling me fat?" Quil faked offense.

"That's what _she_ said," Jared teased. Quil shoved him away as he let out a loud laugh.

"Hey now," Embry said from the DJ stand. "We can't stay here all day!"

"We'll use you while we can," Ashley shouted from across the hall, laughing.

"'Use me?'" Quil said. "Are you going to pay for my services?"

"I'll pay for Paul's services." Ashley winked.

"You just got _owned_, Quil," Paul giggled.

Quil snorted. "Shut the fuck up man."

"Bella!" Emily said over the commotion and reached for my hand again. "If you don't hurry up, you won't get a chance to spend more time with us." Was I really that transparent?

I followed Emily out, but not without pointing a finger at Angela. "You're the boss. Make that balcony perfect for the ceremony…for _Leah_."

She saluted me "You know I will."

"Guys," Emily turned around to face them and seized both of my hands. "Jake…" my head perked up at his name, "…and Sam are going to call you over, in, like, half an hour to meet up. We should be back here within an hour. The wedding is two hours away!" She bellowed as she pulled me into the thin, cool air outside.

We strolled down the street hand-in-hand as she told me how beautiful everything looked from what she'd seen and how Eric kept having mini panic attacks, something she's heard from Sam who'd been keeping her updated via text messages. She also told me it'd been a fantastic day, even if the sun wasn't out yet. The walk was maybe half a mile and I listened and nodded enthusiastically to everything she said. She was such a sweetheart. I looked forward to spending more time with her in the future.

"What's it like having kids?" I said, filling a short silence.

She smiled. "It's really…wonderful. Sometimes hard, sometimes rewarding, but overall, amazing. I was so scared when I was pregnant. I didn't think Sam even wanted a kid yet, but God, the moment I told him, he…Oh, Bella, he was so happy." She gave me a look, clearly telling me she was confused I'd asked such a thing. "Why do you ask?"

I shrugged. "The future, I guess? Childbirth…is it hard?"

"Bella, with as tiny as you are you'd probably get a C-section," she chuckled. "You're not pregnant are you?" She whispered, drawing me closer, concerned.

I stared at her, wide-eyed. "No! It's absolutely impossible for me to be pregnant. I mean, I haven't had sex in years. There's no possible way." I'd blushed at what I'd revealed, but Emily gripped my hand tighter. I'd almost forgotten I'd told her and Leah at the dinner party that I'd been completely celibate with all forms of sexual contact for the past four years. Besides I'd been on the pill since I was, like, 16, all thanks to my overprotective and overly concerned mother, and it hadn't failed me yet. With Jacob, it had been stupid to not make him wear a condom; we'd tried with one once, but I hated the feeling. The smart thing I did was continue taking the pill, not that I'd even slept with anyone else besides Jacob. Christ, was I ever going to tell him that?

"Bella, you'll love children. You think you're incapable of loving someone more than your husband or significant other, but," she sighed, "then this bundle of life comes into your world as a product of what you've created with that person, and you hold this being in your arms and…" She faced me. "It's the best feeling in the world." She beamed.

The house was two stories and on the edge of a cliff that dropped down no more than twenty feet into a calm river. It was dark, stained wood with an expertly manicured lawn, like the owner could afford someone to frequently tidy up their lawn. Emily explained a second later that Leah's grandmother was a landscaper, so this yard was kept like this because of her.

A gigantic SUV was parked out front so Leah wouldn't have to walk to the wedding. I heard voices and laughter through an open window on the top floor and saw flashes of red flicker past the window.

I turned to Emily, curious. "Where exactly are Jacob, Sam, and Eric? They can't be here."

She held the door open for me, grinning. "There at another home further down in the opposite direction of the dining hall." I followed her upstairs. "They'll be arriving after we do." She lowered her voice and faced me as we reached the second floor. "Leah has to be concealed in one of the rooms on the upstairs level when we do return. We'll be with her for about 15 minutes until we line up and the wedding begins. The men will be on the opposite side of the structure."

"It's kind of exciting," I whispered to her, smiling, as we approached the room where I could heard the girls' voices.

"What?" She said over her shoulder.

"I've never actually been in a wedding before…" I trailed off.

"Oh my God," Emily laughed as we entered the the room, meeting a flurry of giggling girls dressing, putting on makeup, and chatting.

I heard Leah before I saw her. "This is so damn ridiculous. I'm sweating like a fucking pig."

"Leah," Autumn chuckled. "You're not sweating; you're just nervous."

Weddings were every single female's weakness. My eyes welled up when I saw how outrageously beautiful Leah looked. I couldn't even describe the dress. It was massive, with the longest, puffiest train I'd ever seen, ivory with a bow cinching the waist and a strapless neckline. Her hair was loosely curled over one shoulder and she was wearing makeup. I rarely ever saw Leah wear makeup. I hardly recognized her. The only words I could say after gaping at her for several seconds, immobile, were, "Kyle made that?"

The girls whirled around and embraced me one by one. I didn't see Chimera. Where was she? I hoped I hadn't scared her away, because she didn't deserve that.

Leah smiled when she saw me. "It's about fucking time you got here." She stepped down from the round platform she was standing on, nestled in a corner with a wall-sized, three-hinged mirror. Brooke and Autumn almost had a fit as she stepped down. "Girls…" she held her hand up. "It's fine. I'm not going to ruin the dress." She walked over to me and yanked me into a hug. "And yes, Kyle made it, with a few additions. It was a dress he made years back but never looked back at it because he was afraid of selling the dress to just anybody."

"I've never seen it before in any of his collections. You look…spectacular."

"Thank you. It's a mother fucking hard task to get into though. It took me, like, two hours," she growled and plopped into a chair by the mirror.

Autumn was shuffling around, adjusting Leah's hair, and not looking in my direction when she spoke. "Bella knows all about not being able to get into dresses," she said suggestively, eying me. "But it's easy for her to get out of them. Right, Bella?"

My cheeks tinted brick red and I cleared my throat, glaring at her as I tried to crush another wave of lust that coursed through me when I thought of what had occurred between Jake and I. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Autumn," I smiled, attempting to sound like I really had no idea what she was saying, even though she already knew.

"So…" Leah glanced between Autumn and I, before setting her eyes on me. "That shit you pulled at the bachelorette party towards the end?" I cringed and looked away. "I was going to make you and Jacob beg for forgiveness, but everyone was drunk that night. I didn't think any of us would remember much of anything." I breathed a sigh of relief.

We spent the next thirty or so minutes conversing and laughing, like girls. The door flew open and Chimera, carrying a set of keys, and Sue, holding Leah's veil, appeared. "Thirty minutes and counting! Those of you who can fit can hop in the car, now," Sue said and moments later we rushed out of the room

Outside, Leah avoided mud puddles like they'd suck her in. Her dress was held up by three of the girls as she settled into the car. Sue took the driver's seat, Emily beside her in the passenger's seat, and Kim squeezed into a small space in the back. The rest of us would walk. I didn't mind because the weather was pleasant. "If there is a speck of dirt on this fucking dress," Leah snarled. I suppressed a laugh. "And if the sun doesn't show its fucking face in time, I'm calling the wedding off." I snorted, because seconds after she said that the clouds parted to allow a few rays of sun to stream through; patches of light spilling from the openings of the clouds was almost heavenly. Leah raised her eyes to the sky and smiled. "Never mind." She reached for the handle, making sure her dress wouldn't get caught in the door and shut it, piling her dress behind her, on top of her, and in front of her.

Autumn, Chimera, Brooke, Carmen, and I walked down the road as the car drove off. Brooke, Carmen and Autumn took the lead. "It was stupid for us to leave our cars at the hall."

"Brooke, please," Carmen snickered, drawing her into her side. "It's okay to exercise every once in a while. It keeps you in shape." She shoved Brooke into Autumn, who laughed at the sarcasm in Carmen's voice.

"Where's Rachel?" I said, randomly. I jogged ahead to join them but Chimera gave me a sweet smile and blocked me with her hand so I'd fall back with her, like she wanted to have a private conversation with me. Autumn peered over her shoulder and sent us a perplexed look because we were casually walking with each other. It didn't mean I wasn't nervous being beside her like this. "She picked up Rebecca from the airport. They should be at the hall within a few minutes," Autumn explained. "Her flight was extra late."

I bounced slightly with excitement. "Rebecca's flying in?"

"She and her hubby are." Brooke sidestepped a branch that had fallen to the ground. "Apparently, she's pregnant." She picked a leaf out of her hair. That girl was the farthest thing from someone that could survive in any place that didn't have a mall, and she'd lived here for years. You'd think she'd get used to it by now.

"Really?"

Chimera chuckled. "We haven't seen her in, like, a year, but she's very pregnant, like, about to pop."

I gaped at her. "And she's flying?" I was worried.

Autumn gave me a comforting look. "The doctors cleared her; she's fine to fly, B."

"Okay. If you say so…"

I angled my head to Chimera, slowing my pace. "You wanted to talk to me?"

She chewed on her lip, a habit she must've picked up from Jake. I didn't allow that thought of her having to spend a lot of time with him to pick up on his habits like that to bother me. "It's going to sound horrible, but do you mind…" She took a deep breath, struggling with her words. She met my eyes. "Do you mind…toning down the PDA with Jake today, at least while I'm around? I don't mind if the two of you dance together…I just…yeah…" She lowered her head. "It's too early…"

I was speechless. "Chimera," I said in disbelief. "We're not back together. I'm not going to throw myself at him. I promise the only alcohol I'll have is a glass of champagne when we toast Leah and Eric."

I couldn't describe the expression she wore- a half smile, eyebrows furrowed, like she was sad, but not really… "I just…I know the two of you will probably get back together soon and I don't want to stop that. I…and I know you're meant to be with him, but please, at least for a few weeks, don't do that around me. I mean, don't completely stop with the affection, but don't engage in such actions…a lot? Does that make sense?"

I stopped moving and clasped her arm, facing her. "Chimera, we **aren't** back together. I don't know when…or if we will be." We continued walking. "I want to, but is it ultimately what he wants?"

She opened her mouth to say something, likely to answer for me, but instead she shrugged. "We'll probably figure everything out after the reception is over. I… yeah…"

I was still stunned that she'd even said these things to me! I needed more time to process this.

We arrived at the main building and made sure Leah was hidden upstairs. Several people poured in and I stepped out of the room to take a breather. There was too much going on, so I decided it was time for a mini-break. I stood at the top of the stairs outside the reception hall that led to the second floor. My father and Billy were talking quietly in the foyer. "Dad!" He and Billy faced me simultaneously. Billy nodded his head, grinning slightly and my dad waved, slapping a huge smile across his face. "Well if it isn't my little girl..." He walked towards the stairs as I bounded down the steps and flew into his embrace, wrapping my arms around his shoulders as his hands rested on my waist. "I haven't seen you in a few weeks."

I chewed on my lips. "I've been busy…" He was wearing a shirt and tie, and he looked a little sloppy. I smiled inside; that, the adorable messiness, was what defined him as my father. Billy rolled beside us and before we could say anything else, the door swung open.

I moved aside as a few of the pack boys and the 'older folk' were escorted by the ushers, the younger pack members, who'd appeared from upstairs out of nowhere to lead these people inside. Luckily, Billy, Charlie and I were sequestered away in a corner, so we avoided being trampled as the last wave of people were led inside to be seated on the balcony upstairs after saying hello to us, particularly Billy.

The last few stragglers were the Black sisters. "Daddy!" I heard Rebecca shout and I turned around to see her, with a prominent belly, in a loose maxi-dress. She looked healthily heavy, elegant, and she stood proudly beside her husband. I had a saddening feeling in my chest as I thought about children…children I never knew I wanted.

It was that heartbreaking image I had when Jacob gave me _that_ kiss so many years ago, with the two black haired children running through the woods to the beach. I still remember it clearly, although I recall trying to forget it when I'd chosen Edward. I remember I thought he was the one I was going to be with, when all along Jacob was the one. He was still the one I wanted. I'd never want anyone else. I knew that now. I'd known that for a while.

I didn't realize I'd been clinging to my father for comfort until he kissed the top of my head.

Rachel followed in after them. Her hair straight, and she wore hoop earrings and a bright red homecoming dress. The only people I hadn't seen pass by us to go upstairs or into the reception hall were Jacob, Sam, and Eric.

The wedding was beginning in fifteen minutes. Wow. Even I was getting nervous, mainly because I kept praying Leah liked everything we'd done for her. Eric was a guy; he could probably care less, or care more than he let on, but I'd mainly wanted this to be perfect for Leah.

Rebecca removed herself from her husband's side and hugged her father, causing him to add an "Oomph, watch your old man," for effect. He leaned away and she kneeled in front of him, hiking up her dress. "You're going to be a grandpa."

Billy smiled warmly and Rachel hugged him as well. He pointed a finger at Rebecca and her husband. "I expect to see more of you when you pop out my first grandchild. But I am not watching that kid; I don't think I could handle him. Grandpa Charlie can do the babysitting."

"Hey, you old geezer," Charlie teased. "I don't think so. We can watch the little monster together."

"Uh-huh, you say that now, but we all know you're going to walk out the second that baby throws up on your shirt. I recall Renee always took care of that kind of stuff. Wimp," Billy chuckled and winked.

"I'll hold you to that challenge, pops."

I laughed quietly beside Charlie. Rebecca and Rachel noticed me. "Bella!" Rachel beamed and pulled me into a bone-breaking hug, taking my breath away for a second. I gave Rebecca a brief hug as her husband greeted Billy. I smiled. "Congratulations."

"It'll be you one day, Bella," she whispered as we headed to the stairs. Rebecca said something to her husband and he kissed her before following Billy and Charlie to the elevator, pushing Billy. It struck me that Billy had said 'Grandpa Charlie' in reference to his daughter's kid. Did he consider us family even after everything that had occurred?

It took me a moment to respond to Rebecca's comment. "I don't think so. Do you have any idea how funny I'd look," I joked and stood at the foot of the stairs with them. "I'd be a stick with this huge growth protruding from my abdominal area," I gestured to my stomach, circling it with my hands, laughing with them as we envisioned it.

"Na, you'd look beautiful."

Jacob.

I turned to see him walk in with Sam and Eric, finally. I ducked my head, feeling like a school girl, blushing. Rachel hugged me before taking her sister's hand to help her upstairs.

Jacob wore a button down shirt with a red corsage and tie. Sam dressed the same, and the only difference with Eric was he wore a black jacket, separating him from the groomsmen. Jake smiled at me as he leaned against the railing beside me, like a boyfriend would do to his girlfriend at a locker if he was about to kiss her. It was a goofy grin. I blushed and smiled shyly.

I felt like I was falling in love with him all over again, even though I never stopped loving him.

Eric was hyperventilating. Sam was calming him down as they headed up the stairs. "Jake?" Sam called over his shoulder. "Time's running out!"

"Give me a minute," he said, shooing them away, holding up a finger. Sam rolled his eyes and gave him thumbs up as they went upstairs.

Rebecca and Rachel peered over the landing. "You too, Bella."

I wasn't ready to be away from him yet. I wanted to touch him. I wanted this moment with him. I was excited to be alone with him, excited about what may happen between us soon. How had so much changed so rapidly? I was beginning to think Chimera and Jacob had talked thoroughly about me and him, and I wanted to know what they'd talked about, and what else they may still have to discuss.

In the dim light of the hall where Jacob and I were beside the stairs, he was way too close for comfort. I turned to him and gave him a smile that he returned. That stupid, adorable grin hadn't been wiped from his face. I faced the girls reluctantly, blushing. "Give _me_ a minute."

"No more than three," Rachel held up her fingers to emphasize as she and Rebecca vanished onto the second floor.

The second I heard the door upstairs to Leah's room close, I swiftly turned back to Jake. "Did you talk to Chimera?"

"Yeah," he said, quietly, leaning in closer. "She's fine with it. She wants you and me to…"

I grinned. "I know." We didn't need words. The light that held our love, gratitude, passion, and understanding for each other was evident on our eyes, clearly shown in our expressions. If Chimera _was_ pushing me back into his arms, I hoped maybe he and I were just a few steps away from getting back together.

That's why today was going to be so good. My heart and mind decided it would be without anything to induce that decision. It was intuition, no actions… just a feeling that brought forth that idea. I really _was _going to get back with Jake. We'd finally be together. I said a silent prayer in my head that this wasn't my imagination making me believe we were about to be reunited.

Suddenly, his fingers were under my chin, running along my skin. I looked into his eyes, happy, hopeful, telling him without words that I wanted him back and it had to be soon. His eyes said it _would_ be soon. He was looking at me with such longing, love, and _need_ that I became dizzy at the realization. His eyes wandered over my dress, and his lips parted. I slid my hands along his forearms, almost angry so much of his skin was covered by clothes.

Both us were reminiscing back to what happened between us when I first wore this dress around him. His fingers glided across my lips, tracing their shape. My legs were starting to shake, about to give out from beneath me. "I know we're here for the wedding, but we've got a minute and we're alone, and…I want to…can I …can I please kiss you?" His voice was so soft I hardly heard it.

My heart beat three times faster than normal and a rush of warmth flooded my veins. "Please do, now."

And he did. He kissed me. The second time I'd kissed Jacob Black in far too many years.

He snagged my top lip, while I entrapped his bottom one. His hands moved to my sides, my fingers twined through his hair, pulling him closer so his body was pressed against mine as my back bowed into the wall. We kissed slowly, nowhere near the rush we had the first time after I returned. Had he made his choice? Would we be together, once and for all, tonight?

It was like he was making love to my mouth, which doesn't sound appealing, but it was far more arousing that I suspected, because his lips ad teeth and tongue were paying attention to every nook, every edge, and every portion of my lips and mouth. He nudged my legs apart and lowered his body at the knees to rub against me, proving to me he still wanted me. I _knew_ he did, and what I felt caused a small moan to scratch at the back of my throat. I deepened the kiss, speeding up the movements of our lips, letting out tiny gasps into his mouth as he thrust against me. I was sick of holding back. I wanted to give into my need, desire, and my love for him. My hands slid over his back and I dragged my nails along the fabric as he hitched one of my legs around his waist, moving up and down against me, lips dragging from the bottom to the top of his lips as he did so. I inclined my head to capture his lips again as they escaped mine briefly while he ground his hips against mine. His hands snuck further under my dress and his tongue dipped into my mouth. I was once again consumed in the physical and metaphorical heat he carried with him and I wanted more, even though we were unable to get closer. Closer would be the feeling of his skin against mine, head to toe, but I couldn't have him like that…not yet.

He kissed along my jaw as I let out a couple of sharp pants the second our lips disconnected. His tongue dabbed against the skin, and he sucked on my neck at certain intervals. He brushed my hair aside, pausing, realizing he'd been kissing _that_ side. He chuckled and his breath tickled my skin. He kissed the mark and buried his face in my neck, standing back up to his full height, releasing my leg locked around him. I let out a sound of frustration and disappointment because our bodies weren't touching anymore. "Sorry," he whispered into my ear.

I ducked my head into his neck, giggling. "You don't ever have to apologize for 'claiming' me like that."

"BELLA!" Brooke screamed. "One _fucking_ minuteleft until the wedding begins!"

"Shit," Jake and I said simultaneously, pulling apart. I swiftly composed myself, pulling out my compact from my clutch I'd set on a nearby round table to check my appearance. I laughed as Jacob adjusted his pants. "Shut up," he muttered, blushing. I turned to race upstairs, unable to wipe the smile from my face when he grabbed my hand. I veered around, standing a few steps above him, taller than him by a fraction at this height. He looked up at me, something I never had seen happen between us in the recent years in a situation as casual as standing across from each other. We stared at each other for a moment. I want to ask him if this meant he was mine again. I wanted to know everything.

"JACOB BLACK!" Sam roared. "Get your paws off her and get your ass up here!"

Jake rolled his eyes. "Give me a sec!" He squeezed my hand. "I'll see you in a few," he whispered.

"Jake…what…?" He pulled away

"We'll talk later," he said in a hurry. "A wedding is about to happen within a minute." He gave me toothy grin that completely made my day the best it'd been in a while.

I nodded and headed upstairs, taking two steps at a time as he raced up the other flight of stairs, gone before I made it halfway up. I paused at the top of the stairs as I saw the girls across the floor, lining up with the guys behind a set of curtained off glass doors. I smiled and brushed a strand of hair behind my ear, wrapping my arms around my body. I was joyful and more than a little prepared to watch Leah marry Eric.

And I was ready to have Jacob again.

* * *

Weddings are always an emotional affair. Parents are crying as they give their daughter away, girls are weeping, overwhelmed by the romantic atmosphere, some wishing to be tied to someone like that, and the rest knowing the feeling and crying because they remembered the exact moment they'd said 'I do.'

Leah's wedding went by smoothly, utterly perfect, without a single screw up, like she wanted.

Now, if you don't really know Leah from the inside out, you're scared of her because she's usually never caught without a scowl. So, imagine some folks' shock when she couldn't stop smiling or crying throughout the entire ceremony, looking at Eric and holding his hands.

Brian said the tiniest, stupidest things to make me laugh as we waited to be instructed to walk down the aisle. Jake and Chimera were in front is us with Kim, Rachel, Seth, and Brooke in front of them, and Autumn and Embry were behind us, followed by Carmen and Quil. The doors were held open by the ushers as we walked out. All heads turned our way. I blushed at the attention, but Brian gave me a reassuring squeeze while commenting on how funny and disturbing Leah's grandma's hat looked to cheer me up and distract me.

Not that I ever doubted them, but Kyle, Ashley and Angela kept their word; the balcony was beautifully decorated with simple wooden chairs; fall colored flower petals- yellows, oranges, and reds- lined the sides of the aisle. The archway was comprised of two vases filled with flowers matching the petals on the floor. The sun was hiding just above the horizon over the peaks in the distance. The nearly glacial wind whipped around us, signaling nightfall was around the corner. A wave of happiness for Leah, for Jake and me, maybe, and for everyone here, for this wedding going perfectly, consumed me.

Jake peeked over his shoulder at me and smiled, mouthing, "You're beautiful." He winked as I blushed at the compliment. Did he not know that any compliment from him towards me turned me into a complete and utter teenage girl, even though I definitely wasn't that young anymore?

He whispered something to Chimera and she let out a laugh. It was the first time that watching them together didn't make me nauseous. I finally understood how much she loved him, how much she meant to him. I hadn't fully grasped it until she told me her story and I recalled everything she and Jake had ever said about each other. The girl had been living a violent, cruel existence, and she was raised to think she was good for nothing but sex. To be taken away from that because of Jake…I could never even flinch at their interactions ever again. I had no right to.

Did this really mean I had won? I mean, fully, completely, _finally_ won?

We stood for a moment as Emily walked in, escorted by Sam- the best man and matron of honor. Both wore matching smiles.

The crowd stood as Leah walked out. There was no music; it was provided by the wind, the creek running nearby, the birds chirping, as well as other familiar sounds of nature.

If I thought she'd looked beautiful before, nothing could describe how she looked now, wearing this smile I'd never seen before with a veil over her face and her mother on her other arm, crying.

Sue was giving her away, taking over Harry's role as she placed Leah's hands into Eric's. That single moment initiated the shedding of tears in the room. I heard sniffles, saw hands wipe at eyes, women dabbing their eyelids with handkerchiefs, and Brooke silently sobbing in front of me. The vows were exchanged and a Quileute prayer or hymn was recited, something I couldn't understand as the priest's hand swept over Leah and Eric without touching them, tracing a pattern I couldn't pick up on.

Eric kissed his bride, we cheered, and the celebration began.

* * *

_(Jacob's POV)_

I was in the best mood I'd been in ages as we flocked into the reception room. After I learned this morning from Chimera that she'd spoken to Bella, and that she was letting me go so I could return to Bella's arms, I…I couldn't speak.

I'd been worried when I picked her up today. She was unusually happy. I immediately asked what was wrong and she was silent the rest of the car ride to Brooke's dorm, where Seth had stayed the night. Thankfully, those two 'kids' hadn't slept together, and I didn't have to face Leah or Sue's wrath, or have Harry frown at me from the heavens. Chimera finally spoke the last ten minutes of the drive, and she surprised me with her words.

* * *

_What I fear and what I've tried,_

_Words I say and what I hide_

_All the pain, I want it to end_

_Those last 10 minutes of 'the drive'_

Chimera almost scared the shit out of me when she spoke after keeping her mouth sealed the entire ride.

"Jacob." I jumped when she said it, almost losing control of the car. "When I see you with her…it hurts." What? Oh, Bella. This couldn't be good. I wanted to say something, but she held up her hand, glaring at me. "Let me finish." I nodded and returned my eyes to the road. "I mean, it really fucking hurts…it breaks my heart in two…" She shook her head and cupped her hand over my mouth as I opened it to speak again. She removed her hand. "It's not because I hate her, because I don't…I really don't. I love her and it'd be a lot easier if I didn't. It's not because I don't think I deserve you, or because I still love you…I'll always love you." I swallowed a lump in my throat, gripping the steering wheel harder. "I'm torn in two because I want you, as selfish as that sounds, but…are you happy?"

My eyes snapped to hers. "Huh?"

"Jacob, the only thing I want is for you to say you're happy right now," she said, softly, reaching her hand out.

I twined my fingers through hers and squeezed. "I can't…because I'm not."

She looked at me with pleading, broken and angry eyes. "Why?"

I tore my gaze from her and peered out the windshield, searching for the right words to say. "Because…"

"Don't lie to me, Jake," she hissed. "I want you to be completely honest with me, even if it hurts me."

I slid my tongue over my lips, pondering. Should I say what's on my mind? It's never stopped me before. "Because I want to be with her, fully, no sneaking around, no keeping any affection behind closed doors. I love her. I'm _in love_ with her."

"Have you told her?" Why did she want to know? Why was she so kind? I didn't deserve this, not after all I'd done to her since Bella came back.

I shook my head. "Why?" She said.

"Because I'm terrified, absolutely fucking scared shitless out of my damn mind, that she'll leave me again…that she'll break up with me, break my heart _again_. And I can't deal with that."

"Jacob, she's not going to leave you again. She said that to you the second she came back and saw you again. She told you that she was here and she wasn't going anywhere ever again. Do you remember that?" Of course I did.

I nodded. "Every second I'm around her it's about resisting this urge to pull her into my arms and tell her how I really feel. I've been refraining from telling her I never stopped loving her…" My voice lowered. "…Even if I fell for someone else." I gave her a small smile.

She grinned back- a meager one, but a smile nonetheless- and clasped her other hand around mine. "You love her more."

I considered lying again, but I really _fucking_ hated lying, especially to someone I cared so much about. I took a deep breath. "Yeah, I do."

_And it finds me_

_The fight inside is coursing through my veins_

_And it's raging_

_The fight inside me hurting me again_

"If the two of you love each other as much as you both say you do, you'll make it through anything else that's headed your way."

"I don't want you to go anywhere," I whispered to her, meeting her eyes momentarily before turning back to the road.

"Jacob, you have to break whatever hold I had over you, whether it is because I comforted you when you mourned over her, or because I'm your first." My cheeks darkened. "I-I don't care…break it. I'm not going anywhere. I can't see myself not being friends with you. But, I can't sit here and watch you as you try and figure out what you want. You know you want her. You love her. She loves you. You're meant to be together and that's the way things are supposed to be, _always_. She's your one and only, Jake. I see it. I knew it the second the two of you were reunited at my house."

I was shocked. "And you never said anything?" I said, somewhat frustrated with her.

"Because I thought…" She looked away from me before continuing, "I thought maybe I'd have a chance…even if I knew I didn't, like, maybe you'd change your mind about her. I tried to fight, but I lost. Stop worrying about how much this is going to hurt me because all three of us have hurt each other with our lies, deceit, words, _everything_. We need to move on from this. I'm strong, remember? I'm going to the University of Washington next year to get a master's degree in medicine. I'm already millions of steps away from where I was when you first met me. I'm not a sex object; I'm a woman, I have dreams, I have a future. You saved me. I helped you with your pain- we both grew together. We matured _together_, which was needed. Bella, although she was at college across the continent, she matured as well away from you. It was only a matter of time before the two of you found your way back into each other's arms through a series of random instances. This **is** the time in life for the two of you; it's the turning point."

I was silent as we pulled up to the sidewalk and Seth and Brooke approached the car, dressed up. _And the cutest couple award goes to…Seth and Brooke._ "What are you saying?" My eyes locked with Chimera's.

She smiled. "Jake, after everything, don't you think you two deserve to be together again, once and for all?"

"I-I don't…" Brooke and Seth were closer now.

"Tell her how you feel Jake and go from there. If it results in the two of you getting back together at that moment, then do it."

"You won't…"

We hopped out of the car to let Brooke and Seth in the backseat. Chimera maneuvered around the car to get to me and tugged my face down so I was level with her eyes. "Nothing would make me happier than to see you happy, and you're happiest with her. I'm not going to stop you. We're done, Jacob. I love you, you love me, but we're not meant to be," she whispered. "I'm taking my hat out of the ring; giving my cards up…whatever you want to call it, I'm doing it, because you belong with her."

* * *

_The reception_

_(Bella's POV)_

After dinner, the girls and I gathered behind Leah as she stood a few feet in front of us, her back to us, about to toss her bouquet, made of a collection of red, orange, yellow flowers that matched the whole 'fall' theme of the wedding. Brooke battled over a front spot with Autumn, who was laughing hysterically at her. I was fine where I was at, wanting to dance to the song playing through the speakers, 'Love Game' by Lady Gaga, rather than catch a bouquet.

I _was_ dancing, against Emily, who wasn't participating because she was obviously married, with children, both of which were running around the room.

The guys were beside us, fighting for a position to catch the garter Eric had retrieved from underneath Leah's dress minutes earlier. He and Leah were planning to throw the two items at the same time. The guys grappled with each other for a spot, worse than the girls. I'm sure they were purposely doing show to draw attention. _Such men_. Jake was in the back, beside Sam, smiling, as Quil rammed his side against the guys so hard they collided with the girls. This was how they were at weddings? It made me even more upset that I'd missed Sam and Emily's wedding, as well as Jared and Kim's. They made a good time out of every event. I was laughing uncontrollably.

"Eric!" Leah hollered. He smirked and faced her. "Count down to one?" He gave her a nod, winking, and smiling. "Three…two…"

I muttered a 'what the hell' to Emily and joined the girls, stopping behind Rachel on the outer edge of the group, just as Eric and Leah chorused "One!" Leah tossed her flowers behind her and Eric whirled the garter around his finger and flung it at the guys as the final part of the song began. I was alarmed as the bouquet somehow flew over the jumping girls in front of me right towards my face. My eyes widened and I stepped back, lifting my arms out to catch it because I didn't want the thing to hit me in the face. I tripped over my own feet and fell to the floor on my butt.

I saw Brian dancing off to the side with the garter erected above his head. Everyone applauded and I blushed as Leah helped me to my feet and Brian sent me a suggestive look as he held up the garter. I showed him the bouquet, laughing. He licked his lips, playfully and I couldn't help but do something similar, placing my finger to my mouth and sucking the tip in.

Jake didn't look too pleased.

I found it funny how he was so jealous of somebody like _Brian_, who I would never date, and who happened to be the biggest flirt I'd ever met.

I sent Jake a huge smile as I walked to my table with Brian. Jake rolled his eyes, lips turning upwards into a grin, before he reached into his pocket and retrieved his cell phone. What was he doing?

Well," Brian said, leaning back in the chair with his hands behind his head.

I shook my head, chuckling as I settled beside him. My purse vibrated; someone was sending me a text message. I dug out my cell phone.

It was from Jacob. I looked over at him. He acted like he had no idea what he'd just done.

My mouth dropped when I read the text**. **_**You giving him a sneak peak at your technique? ;)**_

I smiled and typed a response. Brian was reading over my shoulder, snickering. _**What would you know about my technique? I figured after all these years you may have lost your memory =)**_

I saw him reach into his pocket just a second later, smiling widely as he flipped open his phone and read the message. He typed something, running his tongue over his lips mischievously. _**Why don't you remind me? ;O**_

I gasped as I read it. What a pervert! Brian laughed, taking special note of the smiley Jake chose to include. I shook my head, typing furiously. _**Now, what makes you think I want to do such a thing again, you cocky, egotistical, gorgeous man? =) **_

He smiled when he received it, placing his fingers on his chin. I wanted to make him blush. I'd do it with my next response. He typed so fast I could hardly see his fingers moving. My phone buzzed a second later. I giggled, feeling so childish at this _flirtation_. _**Because you want me just as badly as I want you.**_

I blushed. How dare he do write such a thing! _I_ was supposed to make him blush.

I had to think of something. I peeked up at him, arching an eyebrow. _Oh that evil bastard._ I glared at him, ignoring the sensation developing down below that caused me to squeeze my legs together. I smiled naughtily, as the sensation of rubbing my legs together caused me to remember something I'm surprised he didn't catch onto earlier when were, uh, making out against the wall. _**What if I told you I'm not wearing any underwear? **_He got the message, smiling wickedly. His smile faded when he read it and I could see his eyes dilate and his cheeks darken from across the room. I sent him another message before he could reply because he was in such a state of shock. _**You didn't notice earlier? Too distracted by my lips to notice **_**that**_** rubbing against your groin?**_

Whoa. I couldn't believe I'd typed that. His blush deepened even more and he typed a quick response. Brian was cackling and I couldn't wipe the smug smile from my face as I watched Jacob limp off to the bathroom. _**You win =/ Now why don't you come join me in the bathroom and help me with my **_**problem**_**? ;)**_

He threw a look my way the second I finished reading his message. He'd timed it perfectly. I shook my head…and I was turned on, wanting to do such a thing, but couldn't, because 'Tonight and the Rest of my Life' by Nina Gordon began and Leah and Eric took the floor for their first dance. I knew Jake was teasing. We wouldn't do such a thing here. It was just flirting…with several sexual implications. I wanted my first time doing anything sexual with him again to be in my bedroom, preferably, where no one could walk in on us, since we always seemed to get interrupted these days.

I had my hopes up high. I truly believed with all my heart that I'd be back in his arms tonight.

As I watched Leah and Eric, I spied a photo frame I hadn't seen earlier adjacent to the main table. It was gigantic, and it was a photo of Harry with Leah, maybe at 14 years old, with her sitting in his lap. It took me a few minutes to compose myself. It was heartbreaking.

And it was enthralling to watch Leah and Eric dance to such a beautiful song. Jake came back, sitting a few tables away from me. I smiled at him, settling back into the romantic atmosphere and not the sexual one we'd briefly developed between each other. He beamed. And for the first time in _ever_, I actually wanted to have a wedding.

A huge one, with everyone I cared the most about- my friends, my family- like this one. I wanted to plan it, pick songs, and let Kyle make me a gorgeous white gown; I wanted to do everything_._ I wanted to dance with my father and my mother, and be bound to someone for eternity. I never thought I'd ever consider a wedding like this, until I chose Jacob Black.

"So," Brian leaned in. "We should totally plan our wedding…" He winked.

"It should be soon, _very_ soon," I joked. "In fact, let's do it now!"

"I say Niagara Falls or the Great Wall. Let's go all out."

"Let's make it quick so we can go back to our beach side resort and have sex…lots of sex," I said, giggling, as Kyle poured us drinks, squeezing my shoulder affectionately before he left. I smiled at him as Brian laughed quietly at my comment.

We rose to toast Leah and Eric. This was some delicious, fancy champagne, but I couldn't have anymore. I wanted to stay sober for the night and remember all of it.

'Then' by Brad Paisley began to play and couples all around me paired off. I remained seated and watched as Jake led Chimera to the dance floor. I didn't feel any hate towards her, or the urge to snap at them, as well as no jealously. I'd won. She'd said it. I had faith, more than ever, that I had. I felt…determined. They loved each other and I had to get over it. Besides, Jake accepted that I still loved Edward.

In fact, Sam and Leah were dancing together, as Emily paired off with Eric. Sam and Leah were over and they still loved each other. A smile split my face in half as they shared a secret look, like they were relating to the lyrics of songs being played.

"So, Bella the Bitch isn't coming out tonight?" Brian smirked.

I glowered at him. "She's not present tonight."

He raised his eyebrows theatrically and stood up, holding his hand out. "Shall we dance, love?"

"Well," I said, pretending I didn't want to. "I guess," I sighed dramatically. "Since we are to be married soon…"

"Oh please," he sniggered as we pressed against each other on the dance floor. "We'd be the worst couple in history; I'd imagine my gorgeous girlfriend every time I had sex with you, all the time actually, every moment with you, and you'd be cheating on me with Jacob, having sex with him, like, 25 times a day, under my nose, while you and I engage in sexual activities a mere, oh, I don't know, 10 times a day. You'd be worn out."

I let out a boisterous laugh, throwing my head back and clutching my chest. "Oh my God," I laughed again. "Why do I have to be the cheater?"

He leered. "It'd be hot. Besides you can't resist him and his ridiculous body, sculpted abs, and huge arms, or his cock either, probably. And he couldn't resist that ass of yours…" He lowered his voice suggestively.

I smacked him, blushing. He was so vulgar! He laughed. I struggled to keep a straight face but ended up joining him.

After the song ended, Leah and Eric coupled up again, as well as Autumn and Embry and Sam and Emily. They were performing a dance for us to 'Sacrifice' by Sinead O Connor as some guests headed back to our seats. They were no experts, but they did get lost in each other, and it was such a beautiful dance to witness. A few others paired off and joined them.

I felt a warm, familiar hand slip into mine as I stood near the edge of the dance floor. I jumped, startled, and smiled, looking at his hand. He had such beautiful hands. "You want to dance?" Jacob whispered in my ear. A pleasant shiver went down my spine and I squeezed my eyes shut briefly.

I looked up at him, meeting his eyes. "Yeah," I smiled as he led me to the dance floor. Chimera and Brian danced near us as we chose a place on the edge of the dance floor. I was mesmerized by the way Leah and Eric were moving as Jake grabbed both of my hands. "That's so beautiful…" My eyes brimmed with tears.

Jake grazed his fingers against my chin, lightly, turning my face to his. He wiped my tears away, tenderly. "So, we can't move like that," he whispered, as he pressed his forehead against mine. "But we can still dance…" I closed my eyes, losing myself to the lyrics and moving against him, reveling in his presence, his warmth, drowning in _him_ and his scent, and the way he felt against me, and this dance. I didn't even care if we were doing this correctly. I was content in his arms, nothing else…nowhere else.

As the closing instrumental part began, it was impossibly difficult to fall back to earth. I stood there as the song ended, with Jake's arms secured around me, one hand on his back and the other against his chest, full body contact. I was holding him close and I didn't have to pull away, or let go, or fear someone was watching and judging us.

The moment was broken when 'Yeah' by Usher, Lil Jon, and Ludacris started to play. I untangled myself from Jake, observing some of the guys as they cleared the dance floor and pushed a chair to the middle.

Jake squeezed my hands once more. "I have to do this, sorry." He slipped away to join the guys.

A silly grin crossed my face. Everything Jake did made me feel like this.

Leah was sitting in the chair as Quil, Paul, Embry, Jared, Eric, Sam, Brian, and Jacob surrounded her, dancing with her. The DJ announced that 'the wolf pack and others' were about to 'get down' for the next two songs, we were free to join after this song. I made my way to the front of the crowd surrounding the dance floor.

The guys who had jackets twirled them above their heads and chucked them at random female. Eric, Sam, and Quil started things off, dancing in front of Leah. The other guys were loosening their ties, unbuttoning the top buttons of their shirts, rolling up their sleeves.

It was hilarious! I had to hold onto Autumn as I laughed.

Quil was shaking his ass in front of Leah, and she was kicking her legs out to try and get him to go away, tears leaking from her eyes because she was laughing so hard. The other guys were dancing around the chair.

As soon as the chorus picked up, Leah was pulled to her feet and guided into the circle. Jake was dancing too, just as crazily as his 'boys' were, and seeing him like this, with his eyes shining with laughter as Leah was pushed between him and Embry and she played with his collar, brought the brightest smile to my face. She was then swung to Paul, Jared, and Brian, and lowered to the ground with all three of them, dancing against them, biting her lips, pretending to cup her mouth like she had bent over on accident, and not on purpose.

They continued this until Ludacris's part, and Leah was back in the chair again. At '_bend over the front and touch your toes_,' Eric kneeled in front of her, bouncing his legs, leaning into her to kiss her as the guys' chorused '_lady in the street but a freak in the bed_!' Jake's eyes happened to fall on me as he recited that verse and he winked, causing me to blush for the millionth time that day. The hook picked up again and they finished out the song, Leah laughing and clapping her hands as we joined in, cheering.

The song bled into 'On Fire' by Lloyd Banks and man, did that fire up the wolf pack. Seth, Brady, Colin, and the few new pack members joined their 'elders' on the floor. 'On Fire' was so fitting for a group of attractive, hormonal, males that ran at 108 degrees. They all recited the first verse, Leah in the middle. Everyone caught onto the joke the lyrics implied, except the humans that weren't in on the 'secret.' That didn't mean they weren't laughing and entertained though.

Soon, the dance floor was teeming with people as the guests participated in the dancing. I stayed to the side, leaning against the table, nodding my head to the beat.

Oh my God, Charlie, _my father_, was dancing with Sue to this song. I burst out laughing, hiding my face, mortified. Ashley, Angela, and Kyle took a break from serving and sat with me, laughing and patting my back. "I love your dad, Bella, "Ashley chuckled, pulling me into her lap. I snickered and lined my arms up with hers.

"Bella," Kyle wheezed. "You weren't joking; these are the craziest, coolest, funniest motherfuckers I've ever met."

"That's why I love them," I giggled, slapping his arm to make my point.

"You're in the most amazing mood I've seen you in weeks," Angela lowered her voice, even though she didn't have to because the music was loud. They couldn't hear if they weren't trying to listen.

I grasped Angela's hand on the table. "I am. Thank you for catching on."

Ashley looped her arms around my waist and rested her chin on my shoulder. "And why is that?"

"I think…but, I'm probably hoping for too much…" I laughed nervously.

Kyle arched an eyebrow. "You think…?"

"I think…I think Jake and I…I think…" I shut my eyes and my next words came out in a rush "I think Jake and I are getting back together soon…like tonight…" I inhaled deeply. "But I don't know."

Ashley squealed and stood up, pushing me off her to hug me as Angela attacked me from the other side, leaping up and down. Kyle drew all three of us to his chest. 'Hips Don't Lie' by Shakira began to play. I was in such a good mood that the second the song began I pulled away and shook my hips to the beat, as my 'roomies' joined me in a mini-dance party by our table. Everyone was dancing a sped up version of the Rumba, or the Salsa…or something! My dad wore an enormous smile as he spun Sue around. He hadn't been this happy in years. They looked official; I figured after so many years they would be, finally.

I was moving my hips faster than I ever thought possible as Kyle dragged the three of us to the dance floor, rotating his hips as well. Soon we all engaged in a dance with the guests, where participants would pick partners and switch with others randomly throughout the song. I was with Brian first, who followed me step for step, and even out did me, not that I was surprised. He spun me around into Leah, and I danced with my back against her before colliding into my dad and taking his hands, moving with him, stepping on his feet, before I ended up in Jake's arms. I was so shocked that I almost fell, blushing, but he caught me, grinning widely. I'd seen so much of that smile today that my heart was pounding and I couldn't stop smiling myself.

I moved against him, wrapping my arms around his neck as his hands held onto my waist, tightly, not letting anyone pull us apart. Eventually, as if taking our cue, everyone returned to their 'romantic' others. I couldn't help but comment how easily and fluidly Leah was moving in such a huge dress.

He muttered a single word, "Wolf."

My feet felt sore and I took off my heels, checking for blisters, as the song ended, balancing against Jake while his arms stayed locked around me. It felt so good to be in his arms again. Without regretting it, without worrying what people thought.

We sat at a table with Brian, Autumn, and Embry for several songs, enjoying each other's company. Jacob took every opportunity he could to give me private glances, each including a smile, throughout.

I desired to do nothing more than to jump into his arms and beg him to take me home so he could make love to me.

He looked lost in thought for a moment. "I'll be back," he said, before standing up and walking to the DJ stand. He said something to the DJ, who nodded his head before he made his way back to me and sat beside me, grinning.

I rolled my eyes. "What did you just do?" I whispered, leaning into him.

He placed a hand on my knee. I shivered at the contact as his eyes bore into mine, pleased to feel his hands on my skin again.

In fact, he decided to slip his hand further up my dress, nails dragging along my thigh under the table. "That was some shit you pulled earlier."

I blushed and looked down, biting my lip. "I was just messing around with you."

He chuckled and bent down to whisper into my ear. "I requested a song for us to dance to. I think you'll like it."

"Oh," I said, smiling, seizing his hand under my dress and moving it back to the table. He frowned. "Not in public."

"Gotcha," he clicked his tongue and held my hand, fingers sliding along my palm. He laced our fingers together as the song began. It was 'Closer' by Kings of Leon. He remembered how much I loved Kings of Leon. This song was one of my favorites.

"Jake," my voice squeaked slightly. I ducked my head, grinning as he pulled me to my feet. A few others headed to the dance floor to join the couples that hadn't taken their seats yet.

His hands grasped my sides and pulled me against him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face against his shoulder as he leaned down, encircling my waist with his arms, holding me so close, like he was afraid I was going to escape, or run away from him.

I didn't want to. I never would again. _Never again_. This was my home. This was where I belonged: in his arms.

I closed my eyes as his lids fluttered shut against my cheek and he nuzzled my neck and face.

He squeezed my waist tighter at '_She took my heart; I think she took my soul.' _

I didn't even know what instrument made the music in this song, but whatever it was, it was hauntingly beautiful.

We did nothing but rock back and forth, moving in a slow circle, completely pressed against each other. I didn't change my position, we didn't speak; there was no need. I was in his arms and that was all I needed…all _we_ needed.

_I might be a fool, but you might be one too._

_Maybe we're all that we needed._

_Two wrongs don't make a right,_

_but I don't care tonight._

_Maybe we're all that we needed._

* * *

_(Chimera's POV) _

I was watching Bella and Jake dance to 'Closer' and you know, as his ex-girlfriend, I should be bitter and rip them apart, but I couldn't, because they looked so beautiful together.

As a model, I was always drawn to that in the people I worked with: Skin contrast- light on dark- was captivating. The height difference- Bella was tiny, fragile, and breakable and she fit into every crook of his body. The way their eyes were closed was a sign they were completely lost in each other. And it was alluring- the way they swayed, touching nearly from head to toe. They were perfect; two imperfect people being a perfect match, as strange as that sounded.

I would never, ever, consider breaking them up. I didn't want to see them apart again.

I would do whatever it took to make sure they were together for as long as they both lived.

'_Leaving me stranded all in love on my own.'_

That was me. I loved Jacob Black. I was in love with that man, and that wouldn't go away anytime soon, but I would fall in love again. I'd meet someone else, I would meet the man I'm meant to be with, like Leah did; her first love was Sam and she never thought she'd ever find someone else. And then there's Bella and Edward, like me thinking I'd belonged with Jake, but knowing very well Jake belonged with Bella, something Edward had realized.

I had no doubt she's officially be back in Jacob's arms tonight. I knew it from the second she was in his arms when she first returned that their 'time' was soon. I told him and her that I knew I'd lost then, even if I kept fighting.

Jacob and Bella were in love with each other. I was just the piece that was needed to bring them back together.

Call it insane, but I believed that. She came back and she fought for him while I was with him. I told Julius where Jacob was in Canada; I gave my brother the call that took Jacob back home and then to Georgia where she was. I may not have played the biggest part- that was them and their hearts, their thoughts, _themselves_- but I played a part. I think almost everyone in this room did.

I was doing it again, bringing them together, knowingly. I'd talked to the girls about this before Emily went and got Bella. The pack had picked up on what was going on instantly.

There was no need to fight anymore. I'd raised my white flag.

The song ended, the reception came to a close, and Leah and Eric rode off to their honeymoon. Bella and Jacob forced themselves to pull away from each other.

I'd been pushing them back together for the past 24 hours.

Kyle, Ashley, and Angela began to clean up, as a few guests stayed behind to help. Bella looked exhausted- she had dark circles under her eyes and she was slumping forward. I reached Kyle and Bella time to catch him saying, "…Angela's catching her flight after this, as you recall, for her Aunt's funeral, and Ashley and I are going to the wedding's after party at Autumn and Embry's, and we'll probably crash there. We'll be in to open the store about, uh, say 10, since you still have tomorrow off. You need to sleep. We'll see you then."

Bella nodded. The girl was about to topple over. She'd been working on this wedding all day…all week…the weeks before even. "Yeah." She smiled and said goodbye to everyone, waving to me and leaving. Jake lifted his head from cleaning one of the tables and watched her with this heartbreaking, longing expression, dying to run after her as she disappeared through the door.

After Angela begged me to, I helped pick up things for the next 20 minutes.

When I finally successfully evaded Angela, Jake was talking to Sam. I cut in and grasped his arm. He turned to me and gave me a sleepy smile. "Can I talk to you?" I whispered. He said something to Sam I didn't hear and followed me.

This was the final step in reuniting him with Bella, something I wanted more than anything right now. I wanted him with _her_. I wanted them to be happy. "Why are you still here?"

He furrowed his eyebrows. "What…huh?" He gestured to the hall. "I was cleaning up."

"Uh, no you're not," I scolded him. He looked at me like I was out of my fucking mind. Maybe I am…so what. "Why are you not with her?"

"You…I thought…" He whispered, leaning in. "I didn't want to upset you."

"Did you hear a thing I said earlier?" I rolled my eyes. "Jacob, she's going to be alone for the entire night. I told you I was surrendering. I told you I wanted you two to get back together…and I told her!" I said, irritated.

"You…What…? That easily?" He said, astounded.

"Yes, Jake," I sighed, becoming increasingly more aggravated. He should have left with her! "Remember everything I said?"

"Yeah, I just…" His hands cupped the back of his neck.

"Go to her, Jake."

His eyes darted to mine. "You mean…"

"Go after her. Tell her you love her and show her just how much. Don't hold back, give her everything you have, tell her how much you want her and need her, and tell her you're still in love with her. Tell her you want her back. You told me that's what you want, so do it. Act now."

"Is it too soon…?"

"No. Not after four fucking years."

His eyes were downcast. "Then maybe it's too late…"

"No, it's on time…you and her…be with her. Make her yours, now, and don't let her go." I guided him out the door. He was trying to hide a smile. "Let me see that smile, Jake…"

He smiled widely and my heart skipped a beat. Such a beautiful smile, such a beautiful man. Such a beautiful boy that showed me I was worth more than one night stand; I was worth _much more_. I pushed him outside into the frigid night air, towards his car. "What if…" He set his hand on the handle and chewed on his lower lip, distressed.

"Do not even think about any 'what ifs,' mainly the 'what if she doesn't want me back,' because that is a crock of shit." I shivered. It was dark and _freezing_ out here! "Jake, I'm serious. Do it. Tell her. Show her. This may be your only chance. If you wait any longer who knows…" I jabbed him in his chest with my finger until he unlocked the car and sat in the driver's seat.

He stared at me. "This is it…" I leaned over the top of the door.

"Yeah it is. No more _Jacob and Chimera_, back to _Jake and Bells_." He flashed another warm grin. "I love you, Jacob."

He squeezed my hand once, massaging it. "You too."

I smiled. "I better not see you until late tomorrow afternoon," I warned. He blushed and snorted. "Four years is a lot of time to make up for."

He gave me another smile- the one I fell in love with. "Bye, Chimera."

"Goodbye, Jake…" I backed away. "You're wasting time. Now get the fuck out of here."

He laughed before slamming the door, turning the car on and speeding out of his parking place onto the road like a bat out of hell, car swerving, tires squeaking, dust flying behind him.

Going back to where he belonged.

* * *

(A/N: Goodbye angst! Hello happiness! If you stayed with me this long, you're breathing the biggest sigh of relief ever and bowing down to me because you trusted me enough to stay and you're glad you stayed…hopefully! Lol. ;) _**Remember: this story is not over until a chapter contains the word 'Epilogue' in its title!**_)


	32. Whisper

Disclaimer: Blah blah see previous chapters. Lyrics: Connect the Dots- the Spill Canvas (for the sexy time! ;)) (rec'd by **Nahele**) and Start Again- Red (this song is _**so AMAZING**_! It's my favorite song by the band and it's so fitting for Jake and Bella reuniting) (rec'd by **7serene7**, who I think changed her name…sorry =() Songs of inspiration: Need- Hana Pestle and Cut- Plumb. A playlist of these songs is at my JB-n-Pack group for this story, where this story is also located- linked in profile.

(A/N: This is the official start of the reunion =) **Warning: sexual content. Sex. More Sex. Fluff. Even more sex…**if that bothers you in any way, please feel free to skip over it. This is the only sex scene I won't be putting elsewhere, because of its significance. I probably will some other time, but not now.)

* * *

**Chapter 30: Whisper**

_And I remember everything,_

_Everything I loved_

_I gave it away like it wasn't enough_

_All the words I said and all you forgive_

_How could I hurt you again?_

_Bella's apartment_

_(Bella's POV)_

The second I got home I stripped off my clothes, washed my face, took some pain killers, and decided to take a hot bath to soothe my aching muscles before I drifted off to sleep. One of the worst side effects of catering a wedding, or an event this big, is you're on your feet all day.

Today…I couldn't even believe how close to perfect this day had been. It would have been completely perfect if Jacob had come home with me and made love to me, and said those words I wanted to hear. But, he stayed to clean, disappointingly, during a night where I wanted his touch more than anything. If he'd come after me, we'd be together, that is if he still wanted to be with me after everything I put him through- choosing Edward, leaving him when we finally got a chance to be together. Maybe he'd changed his mind. He deserved better than me…he always had.

My feet were sore and my back had a few cramps here and there. I lit candles around me- lavender and vanilla scented, proven to relieve stress. I wanted peace, quiet. The only light offered was from the candles.

I dipped my toes into the water several times, flinching at the near boiling temperature, before slowly settling in completely, and allowing the water to crash against me. I turned on the jets in the tub at a low setting to offer a 'handless' massage a I clicked on the stereo nearby with a remote, listening to my 'Relaxation' playlist on my IPod- 'Cut' by Plumb was the first song to play during the shuffle. I sunk lower into the water as it began. Peace at last.

I washed myself slowly, dunking my head in enough to get my hair wet. I'd washed it this morning; it was just a matter of rinsing the hair product in it out. I sat forward, sighing contently as I brushed my hair back from my shoulders. The heat did wonders for my muscles.

I heard a car speed up the road and around the corners- loud, fast. Stupid hoodlums, or street racers, or whoever would cause such a ruckus. Can't a girl get a moment of serenity?

The vehicle came to a screeching halt outside my building. I hardly had time to register its door slamming shut before the door downstairs creaked open. I was scared momentarily, before an indescribable wave of comfort surged within me.

My brain was probably doing that annoying thing where it plays tricks on me, in this case, the fact that I thought the door was just shoved open.

I attempted to relax again, jumping as I heard someone marching up the stairs…no, they were _running_ up the stairs.

I heard the door to my room open. Who was here? Shit, was I about to get raped? I felt sick; why would such a wonderful day end with such a violent crime? Just my luck.

I reached for the towel I'd laid beside the tub as quietly as possible. I couldn't see; my back was to the door and I was terrified to turn around and face my intruder, who was likely armed with a gun, or something as equally horrifying.

The bathroom door was opened cautiously. The calm I'd briefly felt earlier was back, and I felt that electric current course through me as the room spiked in temperature.

I knew who was there the second those eyes fell on me. He let out a sharp gasp.

I relaxed instantly, covering my chest as I peeked over my shoulder. My eyes widened, and my suspicions were confirmed.

_What if I let you in?_

_What if I make it right it?_

_What if I give it up?_

_What if I want to try?_

_What if you take a chance?_

_What if I learn to love?_

_What if, what if we start again?_

Jacob was standing in the door way, one hand braced against the door as if he'd been frozen, staring at me, mouth wide open. A cluster of emotions I couldn't handle, couldn't fathom, or even understand to this extent, reflected in his eyes. "Jacob," I let out a gust of air. I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around me swiftly as I could, stepping out of the tub, feeling his eyes roaming over my form- studying me, watching me. I felt so exposed, even though my body was covered.

Before I was aware of what was happening, he walked towards me. I turned around, feeling his presence drawing nearer, unsure of how to react as I tucked the towel under my arms. Within seconds, he pulled me into his arms, lowered his mouth to mine and kissed me hard, dropping his hands to my waist. I reacted instantly, without a single second of hesitation, clutching at the fabric of his dress shirt, clinging to his back. He parted his lips, taking my bottom and top lips separately into his mouth, and he twisted me around so my back was to my bathroom door. It was an urgent kiss, like there was no time to waste, and there _wasn't_ any time to lose, not now, not when I wanted him this bad.

His tongue slipped between my lips, coaxing my mouth open for access, confirming that sense of impatience we both felt. He backed me into the bedroom, mouth against mine, never losing that contact. My fingers threaded through his hair as his hands drifted over my back and sides. My mouth ardently accepted his plea for entrance, so our tongues touched, moving in a rhythm we'd created together without forethought.

I successfully, and surprisingly, managed to lean away from him, gasping for breath, fingers to my lips, tracing where he'd kissed me, absorbing that this was real.

He cupped my cheeks and tilted my head up to look at him.

This was really happening.

My heart struggled against its chains and battered against my ribcage, wanting to break free from the burst of happiness he'd brought with him the second I knew it was him, my knight in shining armor, my best friend, the person I was meant to be with.

"Am I dreaming?" I whispered, squeezing the front of his shirt between my fingers.

_God, how cheesy did that sound?_ A tiny smile formed on my lips from that thought.

"No. I'm here…and I'm not leaving," he recited the words I'd said to him so many weeks ago.

I stared deep into his eyes, full of love, searching for any sign that this was a cruel play on my imagination. I smiled. "You mean…"

"Still being in love with you…" he began. e bHe begaMy heart skipped a beat. _In love._ Jacob had used those words consecutively, and he was talking about me. He was saying this _to_ me. "I thought I could deal with just having you in my life especially since you were gone for so long, because you'd be here, and I thought that would be all that mattered, you know? But, I can't be 'just friends' with you, not after everything. I can never be 'just friends' with you ever again. There's no possible way for me to go from what I felt for you, what I still feel, to nothing at all. I worked hard to make you mine, and I won't have it any other way. I love you."

I couldn't speak, or even utter the feeblest of sounds. How was it possible to love him more than I already did? Was it possible? I think it was.

He kissed my cheeks chastely. "I love you." He kissed me again. I was smiling against his mouth by now. "I'm in love with you. It's always been you." I drew patterns across his lips with the tips of my fingers before kissing him again. "I love you, Bella," was whispered against my lips in a voice that made me lose my balance.

My hands teased the skin on the nape of his neck. "I love you too, Jacob…always have and always will."

He laced our fingers together and led me to the bed.

_All this time_

_I can make it right_

_With one more try_

_Can we start again?_

_In my eyes,_

_You can see it now,_

_Can we start again, can we start again?_

Oh my God, this…this was happening. I was nervous, my palms were sweating. I was excited; I yearned for his touch. I needed him. Every part of him, inside and out. I didn't want boundaries, nothing to separate us, skin-on-skin. _Jacob and Bella_ after so many years.

I wasn't so tired anymore.

My mouth never left his. I wanted him to kiss me elsewhere, I wanted to kiss him everywhere, I wanted to touch, to feel, but I couldn't force myself to disconnect our lips even as we collided with the side of the bed and he dropped down on top of me. At this moment, I didn't want to be without him for one second.

Jacob Black was hovering above me… in a bed. I missed this.

He kissed along my cheeks, my face, as if reading my mind, lips flitting to my neck, my chin, sneaking his tongue out, planting open mouthed kisses wherever he pleased. My head was thrown back, and my eyes fluttered as his mouth marked the skin revealed for him. I couldn't keep my hands off of him. They were on his shoulders as he dipped lower, and tugging at his hair as he kissed the top of my cleavage, bunched up from the towel around me. I arched against him, letting out a moan, biting my lip. _That_ had slipped out unintentionally.

"Shit," he groaned as he brushed his pelvis against me. "Do that again," he whispered into my neck. I did as he said, unable to disobey _that voice_ as I rotated my hips against his, throat unleashing a sound of pleasure.

I sat up, tugging him towards me by his collar, unbuttoning his shirt, thankful he hadn't worn an undershirt, so all that was visible was hard, beautiful, russet skin as I undid each button, my stomach tightening pleasurably.

I couldn't stop touching him.

My towel was uncomfortable, but I didn't want to think about me, or the fact that I was soaking wet with my hair dripping on my shoulders. I wanted to think about the fact that his strong, familiar hands were now on the skin of my thighs. I wanted my thoughts to be on him. I stripped his shirt off of him, kissed his neck, his jaw, his ear, delighting in his barely noticeable twitches and the moans that I'd liberated from his mouth, noises I hadn't heard in a while.

I kissed his chest, slid my tongue out, and nibbled on his shoulders. My fingers roamed over his chest and stomach, touching, re-exploring. My nails dug into his back. I kissed his arms, running my hands over his muscles, as his lips latched on to my neck and shoulder and his hands rubbed up and down my sides.

I was euphoric. I was about to make love to Jacob Black. We wouldn't' be interrupted. I could be loud and he could go as long as he pleased, because no one was here.

I didn't even care that the curtains that normally covered my windows were wide open. No one could see this high up, not that I could care, definitely not like this, with him touching me.

The moon lit up the room, illuminating our skin, mixing with the few candles I'd placed out. Our shadows bounced off the walls.

I'd unintentionally made my room into a romantic setting.

Jake's hands traveled across my sides to untie my towel as my fingers reached for his belt. My mouth never left his; it was like my lips were fused to his.

My hands coasted over his chest before I removed his belt and he shrugged out of his trousers, wearing nothing but black boxer-briefs that showed a rather obvious, defined shape. I blushed, but I couldn't keep my hands off his thighs or his lower back. My fingers dipped beneath the hem on his backside and I felt the swell of his lower back go outward. I froze as he smoothly loosened the knot on my towel, hands on my back, lowering his mouth to deposit tiny kisses on my shoulder, distracting me as his hands hovered over the exposed skin of my back- sweltering hot hands that warmed my damp skin. I wrapped my legs around him to be closer to him and the towel was tossed aside. I was more alert as the cool air came into contact with my skin.

Exposed. For him. Only him. No one else. He stopped kissing my lips; he'd blindly removed the towel. He looked into my eyes; I was stunned- he hadn't glanced down yet. "Can I?" He whispered, eyes dark with lust.

I couldn't catch my breath. "Yes you can." I blushed. "Always."

His hands were itching to touch me; I could see them vibrating. "Jake." I placed my hands on his cheeks and planted a kiss on his soft, full lips. "Touch me."

* * *

_(Jacob's POV)_

I was being respectful, still resisting, even if I didn't need to. She was here. She was mine. We weren't going behind anyone's back and I could freely touch her as I pleased.

God, I loved her, so fucking much. And I was about to make love to her until the fucking sun rose. I was about to make up for fucking four years of lost time. Funny, how in a few days would mark the four year anniversary of when I first made love to her, the very day I took the girl of my dream's virginity and she became a part of me. Bound to me in ways, that despite any circumstances couldn't be taken back.

I wanted this to be perfect.

So I asked her once I removed her towel if I could look, if I could touch, and I kept my eyes on hers the entire time. Something I'd never achieved in a situation with a naked woman. All the nerve endings in my body were ricocheting everywhere, wanting her, needing her like I didn't think possible. And then she responded with, "Yes, always."

Just when I didn't think I could fall in love with her anymore than I already was she says things like that and her lips graze over my face, everywhere, telling me, reassuring me, that this was okay.

I couldn't believe I felt like this- after so many years and after so many times of engaging in sex, you'd think I wouldn't get embarrassed to this extent and shake like this over a girl after my first time. Too bad Bella wasn't just any girl. She always made me tremble before I was able to be one with her, before I could even touch her properly.

So, I took my time, pacing myself, although my kisses were fervent, longing to kiss more of her skin. I slid my hand across the smoothness of her stomach before finally lowering my eyes to look at her form, only after taking note of her cheeks darkening when the towel dropped.

My hands followed the path of my eyes, rising from her stomach as her fingers dug into my shoulders, or forearms, whatever she grabbed onto first, and my hands groped her breasts. Her eyes were closed and she ducked under my neck, shivering. "Hey," I titled her chin up and kissed her, causing her to blush darker. "Why do you still insist on hiding from me? Watch me," I whispered huskily. She let out a small, nervous laugh.

I went back to work, swallowing a lump in my throat as my insides twisted with anticipation. She was naked. I didn't think my mind had yet to understand such a fact, but my body had ages ago. _Come on brain, catch up with my hormones_.

I massaged, caressed, _touched,_ her body, as my hands dropped to her thighs, cupping her butt cheeks to pull her to me so her legs were on either side of me. I laid her back on the bed, kissing her lips and her cheeks. She grasped my arms and shoulders as I dragged my teeth along her collarbone, earning a small spasm and a moan from her. It was like she was super sensitive to my touch. Was she? I was pleased at such a strong reaction, like the one she'd had at the club. Fuck. I couldn't get the image out of my head. Why though? Hadn't she been with other guys?

I pushed the thought down and kissed her breasts. She'd put on a few pounds over the years and it showed- her body had acquired delicious curves. She'd fully developed into a woman. She was still slender, but her breasts were fuller and her hips rounder.

I teased her nipples, bringing them to a peak between my teeth as she thrashed around beneath me. My hands shifted to her sides, stroking them, and I placed another kiss on her stomach, as well as open-mouthed ones on her thighs.

I was so fucking captivated by her body that I didn't realize her quivering had worsened.

* * *

_(Bella's POV)_

I wanted to feel embarrassed, but I couldn't think with his hands touching me like this, his mouth exploring every curve my body offered.

Why the hell was he still wearing clothes?

He was sucking on the skin of my inner thigh, leaving marks in places people couldn't see, thankfully. I curved upward, so his hands slipped to my back. My eyes rolled into the back of my head and I revolved my hips, clawing at his shoulders and running my hands over his back, pulling his head to my center, begging him to put his mouth there, damn it! Not that I wasn't satisfied with what he was doing…I was soaring, feeling marvelous. But, I wanted him _now_. My patience had worn off after four years and being in his presence for weeks and not being able to touch him. I wanted him inside of me. We could do the rest later.

Indecisive, much?

Maybe I should have at least engaged in sex once, maybe twice during my college years. I know why I didn't because I couldn't, not after him, but still…

"Jake."

He looked up at me. His hair was disheveled from my hands. "What?"

I motioned for him to come back up and he did, shifting so his body was pressed flush against mine. Better.

I kissed him, both of our hands wandering over each other's forms. I ground my hips against his, wet, ready. "We can do that later," I mumbled against his lips, urging him to keep his mouth where it was. He paused and looked at me, eyes half lidded and lips swollen. "I want you inside of me," I whispered, well aware I was blushing.

My insides craved him. I desired to be completely connected to him. "Okay," he replied, never taking his eyes off of me. He almost looked relieved, like he wanted that final connection as much as I did.

I sat up to rid him of his boxers as his hands on my back unconsciously moved to support me. My hands trembled, and my body vibrated with anticipation, excitement and nervousness.

I was shaking so much I could hardly get a grip on the edge of the fabric. I settled for running my hand over the bulge, squeezing and _feeling_. His fingers dug into my back as he restrained himself and he pulled me closer, breathing heavily as I skimmed my fingers over him. He tenderly gripped my wrists and laced his fingers through mine, leading my hands to the hem of his underwear, guiding my fingers enough so I could get a hold on the fabric. I looked up at him, meeting his eyes. He drew me into another kiss, nudging my mouth open with his tongue, before sliding his hands back over my form. He helped me maneuver the fabric down his hips. He stretched his legs out behind him, removing them the rest of the way without my assistance, freeing him from his confines.

I wanted to touch him and I did briefly; I wrapped my fingers around his length and his lips parted in a moan. I took in the sight of this sculpted, gorgeous, naked body before me, locking it into my memory once again. He laid me back down, hands sliding over my back as he settled me softly into the pillow, pressing his body completely against me. He positioned himself between my legs so they fell open. I felt him…this _heat_… everywhere.

I raked my hands down his form, relishing in the feel of his skin, the firmness of his muscles as my fingers outlined each curve and ridge, like I had so long ago. Communicating with him non-verbally, I told him with with my eyes how excited, anxious, and nervous I was

For several seconds we stared at each other, holding that position of skin on skin, lips brushing against the flesh of each other's neck, mouth, face, and ears- pecks, sensual kisses, and tongues occasionally involved. Memorizing, remembering. My fingers followed a path along the contours of his face, paying special attention to his lips, rubbing our noses against each other, nuzzling each other's necks and cheeks. He began to slowly move against me, creating friction, careful to not penetrate me.

* * *

_(Jacob's POV)_

Bella's actions reminded me of what she was like when she was a virgin, and it made me curious. A red flag raised and told me she had something to say, so I should stop now, despite her pleas.

I rolled my hips against hers. She was turned on, more than I could ever imagine, and I wanted her…I wanted to be inside of her. So, what the hell was holding me back?

I trailed my fingers along her stomach and thighs before resting them between her legs. She casted her head back and she moaned loudly, thrusting her hips against me, bringing my fingers in deeper. "Bella, you have to relax. Stop moving."

She paused and nodded as I sunk another finger into her.

Fuck. Part of me was inside of her. I closed my eyes and bit back a sound of pleasure, almost delirious to _feel_ her.

I started to prepare her and was surprised at how…snug she felt. Something inside her snapped when I hit _that spot_ inside of her and she cried out, "Stop. Wait."

I froze instantly, wide eyed, and withdrew my fingers, placing my other hand against her face as she kissed the tips of my fingers. I returned the affectionate gesture by kissing her knuckles, and running my fingers over her lips.

_Don't you just love the feelings of my fingertips,_

_Circling your lips._

"Honey, what's wrong?" I was suddenly nervous. "Did I do something wrong? Do you not want to do this?" I pulled away, rejected.

Fuck. Rejection hurt. Why the fuck was I so emotional?

She gasped as our bodies lost contact and sat upright, yanking me down on top of her. I went willingly, of course, without a seconds thought. "I need to tell you something." Her voice was so small I had to lean in to hear her.

I kissed her lips briefly. "Honey, what…"

She hid her face and her cheeks were stained with red again. "It's embarrassing."

I smiled. _So cute_. There was still that unexplainable feeling of dread I didn't like settling in my chest. "I don't care if you're about to…let loose. I won't…hold back, not like that torment I inflicted on you the last time we…had sex…" She and I cringed at the memory of what followed. I forced a smiled, gazing into those beautiful, soulful brown eyes. "I'll let you ride out every wave, okay?" I blushed this time, and if possible she blushed even deeper than before.

I wasn't kidding. This woman…I wanted her to let me know every single time how good, no, how _amazing_, she felt.

"That's not it," she laughed nervously.

My smile fell. She shifted to cover her face with her hands again. I didn't let her. I tenderly grasped her wrists, and moved them away from her face. "Honey, look at me," I pleaded in a deep voice I knew worked on her.

Her teary eyes met mine as she angled her head towards me. "You'll laugh."

I shook my head, narrowing my eyes, concerned. "No, I won't." Why would I laugh in situation like this, with her beneath me, completely unclothed?

She chewed on her lip and turned her head to the side again. I let her, understanding that she needed this- needed to not look at me as she said this- for whatever reason. It hurt, but I didn't want to upset her. "You're not ready are you?" I said sadly.

Her eyes darted to mine. "No, no, I am! It's not that, Jacob, believe me! It's…" She covered her eyes with her fingers as my hands caressed her sides. She was so tense! She needed to relax.

"Tell me, Bella," I said hoarsely.

She swallowed and lowered her hands to her sides. My fingers twined with hers and I rose slightly so I wasn't smashed against her, but was still between her legs. "You're my only one," she whispered, stroking the top of my hand.

What? What was she talking about? "I don't understand."

Her eyes locked with mine. "You're the only guy I've been with. I never slept with Jeremy or anyone else, ever," she added the last word in the lowest whisper I'd ever heard from her.

I stiffened. No…that's impossible…not impossible, I guess, but unlikely. I knew how hormonal she could be. That couldn't be…I couldn't even think. "How?" I blurted out. _Ever heard of thinking before speaking, Black? What was that? No? I thought so._ "I thought…"

"Jacob," she squeezed my hands. "I've never had sex with anyone else. No one has ever touched me in the ways you have and I mean that…every word. Yours are the only hands that have drifted over uncharted territory, or explored places normally kept hidden. No one's ever touched me in the places you have, or seen me like this…seen me naked, except for you, Jacob."

I was speechless and dumbfounded…and it felt amazing to hear that. I was her only one. I smiled. I was her only one! She'd never been with anyone else! Then there was the other side of me, the side heartbroken over what I'd heard. My smile fell. "You refrained from any and all sexual activity for four years." I was amazed. This girl was strong.

She nodded. "When I told you I couldn't do it even though I tried to move on, I meant like that, mainly. I've never wanted anyone else as much as you because I couldn't feel like that with anyone else. When I say you're my only one, Jake, I mean it in all ways, including sexually."

I wanted to cry tears of happiness because…I was her only one! And I wanted to cry for the wrong reasons because, fuck, she wasn't my only one; I'd had sex with Chimera when she was gone.

She read my mind and shook her head. "I don't care about what you've done, Jake. I just…I just thought you should know how much I was hurting over you, and how much I loved you…how much I still love you."

Was it possible for a heart to literally burst from someone's chest from an overload of happiness? I was shaking I was so happy. I'd been possessive for no reason…she was mine! I wanted to dance around the room, jump up and down like a kid on his birthday receiving the best present ever.

Before I could process my actions, I was on my feet, smiling like a maniac. I hauled her into my arms, earning a squeak from her as I twirled her around. She giggled into my neck and held tightly onto me. I kept spinning us around, heart beating…no, _pounding_ in my chest. Warmth I didn't normally possess flowed through me.

Eventually we fell back onto the bed, my body resting comfortably on top of hers. She was chuckling and I was smiling, giddy. I couldn't even express how I felt in words…so I decided on the other option.

I let her know through actions.

I crushed my lips against hers, telling her how much this meant to me, how sorry I felt because I couldn't say that she was my only one. I kissed her with such feeling, such vigor, such _fire_, that she rapidly moved against me, wanting more.

"It's always been you, Jake," she said against my mouth, beaming.

I paused and gave her the smile she loved. I'd been flashing it all along since my out-of-nowhere burst of energy, where I lifted her into my arms. My face had been buried in her hair, kissing everywhere I could so she couldn't have seen _that_ smile she adored, the one I reserved for her and her only. She returned it with a wide grin. "That's why you've been so horny…"

"Shut up." She smacked me. "Way to ruin the mood!" She laughed- the bubbly, elated one I remembered.

She kissed me once more, pulling me back to her, but I hesitated. I had something I needed to tell her, something I nearly forgot. She leaned up to kiss me again as her eyes flipped open. "There is one thing I need to tell you, if you hadn't picked up on it." She nodded, stroking my face and squeezing my shoulders to urge me to continue. "Since you came back I couldn't sleep with Chimera, or do more than kiss her every once in a while. I couldn't even share the same bed as her. I know it doesn't compare to what you went through…" I cut myself off and gaped at her again. "You seriously did nothing for four years?"

She smiled and kissed the tip of my nose. "It wouldn't go over well if I screamed 'Jacob' in a moment of passion instead of 'Jeremy.'"

"How…How did you go through college, _fucking college_, where everyone's all about 'experimenting' and trying new things, without doing that? I mean you didn't…" I blushed and hid my head against her shoulder.

I couldn't believe I was so mortified to discuss masturbation with her.

"Jacob Black," she teased. "Are you asking me if I...touched myself, and possibly thought of you while doing so?" She blushed.

Damn. Caught.

I winked. "We can save that conversation for later…" Now, time to be serious. "…because right now I have more than one reason to make this last all night."

* * *

_(Bella's POV)_

One moment I'm blushing and freaking out about what Jacob would have thought of me after I…confessed, and now my abdominal muscles were aching to be filled by him, touched by him in every way possible.

It was embarrassing how aroused I was.

He leaned in towards me and gently kissed my lips. As he spoke, his lips hovered a fraction above mine. "I'm going to bring you to as many releases as you need, until you're so fucking sore and exhausted you can't take it anymore," he said against my lips, gazing into my eyes. I could never get tired of having sex with him.

He kissed down my shoulders, breasts, thighs and back up to my mouth, angling his hips so I felt him brush against my entrance.

I jerked at the contact…him…_there_. He held my hips in place and kneaded my thighs. My eyelids fluttered because of how good, how fucking phenomenal, his hands felt. "Tell me if it hurts, or it's too much…if you want it harder… faster… slower… more… less… whatever." He didn't blush a second through his 'mini' speech. The sexual confidence he possessed never ceased to astonish me sometimes…to have someone this comfortable in his skin_. Thank you, Jacob's ancestors_. "Don't be afraid to lose control if it feels good. Let me know: say my name, scream whatever obscenity you have in mind," he laughed softly. "Bite, claw, kiss, pull, drag your nails down my shoulders and back...anything. Whatever you feel like…do it." I was practically panting as I listened to that deep voice that made my toes curl. "Understand?"

He expected me to answer?

I nodded and placed my hands on his shoulders, comfortable with the sweltering heat sifting through my body as he lowered his hand between my thighs and positioned himself, slipping the tip of his member inside of me. My teeth likely left impressions in my lower lip and my fingers on his shoulders clawed at the sudden intrusion. It was like my insides had locked up because of the absence of him, or the lack of anything really being there. It wouldn't hurt as much, thankfully, because this wasn't my first time, but it _did_ hurt. I let out a gasp of pain through my gritting teeth, snapping my eyes shut.

"Shit," he moaned, dropping his head to my shoulders as my hands tangled in his hair. "I'm so fucking sorry," he said with difficulty into my ear as he supported himself on his hands.

"Do something," I said, shrinking back into the sheets as another shot of pain rippled through me. "Tell me a story…something that'll take my mind off of this temporarily," I breathed.

He lifted his head and looked in my eyes. "Okay…" I could see that he was struggling with holding back- arms shuddering as he tried to support himself, sweat pooling on his brow. His hands fell to my waist, and he pressed his lower half against me, careful to not push further into me. "How about…" He pondered for a few seconds before grinning and glancing at me. "I was 10."

I snickered. "What?"

"I was 10 when I fell in love with you, remember?"

"Jake…" I couldn't believe he'd made me laugh. It was difficult not to quake from laughter. That would…be a bit too much for my 'delicate condition.'

"I remember the exact moment," he whispered, kissing me tenderly, nudging my lips apart to deepen the kiss as he pushed himself inside of me, maybe an inch. I flinched and clutched his shoulders. "Look at me. Focus on my face…my eyes," he ordered and I obeyed. "Don't think…just listen."

I nodded. He continued. "You were…12, I think, and you were wearing this pretty white dress…"

I reminisced back to that day as he pushed himself deeper inside of me. I was so lost in my recollection on that particular event that the pain was faint. I could clearly picture that day- I'd been hanging out with Rachel by the creek in their backyard, prancing around barefoot in the water. It'd worn a sundress; brand new- thin straps, down to my knees. It'd been a cool day, but the sun was high in the sky.

"And I brought you and her lemonade my father had made, because I had an evil sister that convinced me to do so," he chuckled.

I smiled. It had only faltered slightly as he slid in deeper.

"And…the sun was bright. It was noon and I was there in my white t-shirt and khaki shorts, wearing sunglasses, trying to look cool."

I smiled wider and a giggled escaped my lips.

His eyes twinkled. "And you…you'd never worn a dress before around me. I didn't get an up skirt shot, thankfully…that could have seriously ruined my innocent mind," I slapped his hand and buried my head in his neck. "You had your hair down too. I hadn't seen you in a year and you looked 'pretty.' I remember saying that to you."

"Yeah, you did." I grinned at the image that formed in my mind.

"And I was so _entranced_ by you that I spent the rest of the day picking all the flowers I could find to give to you in hopes you'd be impressed. I gave them to you and you thanked me with a smile and a kiss on the cheek."

"You were so sweet… and shy. I don't think you looked into my eyes once…and you were so fucking skinny and short, like, 5 foot nothing," I snorted at the way a much younger Jacob looked. "It's so funny thinking about that now…" He blushed." You only liked me because that's when I finally started getting boobs!" I joked.

"Not true…" He laughed. Several seconds of silence passed, where he twirled a strand of my hair between his fingers. "Did you keep them?"

I smiled warmly. "Until they died. I'm not kidding. You were so sweet- I remember every time I saw you after that moment you'd find something to give to me, up until I stopped spending summers in Forks."

Somehow, through all this, he'd fully positioned himself inside of me, to the hilt, and I felt him all of him…every inch, _everything_.

It took me a few seconds comprehend this…it'd been such a long time since I'd shared this…this _unity_ with him. "Oh God," was all I said.

He let out a shaky breath and his head fell beside me. "Fuck," he gasped. He'd held back, pushed himself to his limit of control, and now he'd relinquished that power, and collapsed against me.

We were one again.

"Jake," I'd woven my fingers through his hair, and proceeded to nibble on his ear and kiss the side of his face, before pulling his head up and kissing his lips.

"Give me a second," he panted, not moving.

I shushed him and reassured him I was okay; he could take a breather. I could understand how being inside of me after so long affected him this much. I was just as affected, if not more. I could hardly function or think. I could only _feel_…the heat, him being a part of me, that…_him_ inside of me. Words didn't exist that could accurately describe how it felt to have him inside of me again.

"Jake," I said, throatily. "No holding back. You told me you were going to let me ride out every wave…you should do the same." He shook his head, somehow not vibrating his body. I was about to explode- and I was shivering. I caressed the skin around his ears. "Why not?"

The tips of his ears darkened as did his cheeks. "It's…kind of embarrassing, and you know I don't get embarrassed too easily…it's just…you're supposed to get off first. It's always been like that with us."

I chuckled, blushing and kissed his ear, drawing the lobe in-between my teeth. "And I love that about you. But, Jake," I whispered, hoarsely, squeezing his shoulders. "I'm dying here… Please, I'm begging you," I lowered my voice enticingly. _"Move."_

He slowly rose up on his hands above me, shifting, causing a jolt of pleasure to rocket through me. "I love you…I wish you knew how much," he whispered.

I smiled and stroked the hair above his ears, kissing his lips. "You have all night to show me, if you feel I don't think you love me that much, which is total crap if you ask me."

"I do though…more than anything, or anyone, ever," he said against my lips.

I gazed into his eyes, feeling weak. "I know you do."

He gripped my sides, eyes glossing over with worry. "Are you comfortable?"

His concern for me was endearing, but really, now I was more than a little frustrated with him. "I would be if you would _move_, Jacob."

He braced his arms on my bed, elbows and palms flat against it. The lower half of his body brushed against me, warm, hot skin against my skin, frigid from the shower. His chest pressed against mine, kissing me as he moved one hand to my hip and another to support my back. I kept my hands firmly planted on his broad shoulders.

_Don't you just love the desire taking hold of you?_

_Well I can tell you do._

He slid out of me, keeping just the head inside of me. I almost cried out at the lack of being filled before he slowly thrust into me again, closing his eyes and opening his mouth to gasp. God, this felt good; the pain was still there, but it was a _good_ pain, and it was easing into pleasure. His lips lost contact with mine as he swiveled his hips again. I bent my back and he squeezed my thighs to keep me grounded. I leaned up again, cupping his cheek and kissing him deeply, nudging my tongue between his lips to meet his before my hands shifted to his back.

Another twist of his hips and I clamped my eyes shut and bit my lips, before giving in and letting out a strangled gasp, moaning, and burying my face into his neck as his hands clutched my ass to help guide him. I breathed heavily as he kissed the side of my face in an attempt to relax me.

Not happening.

_I know all your favorite spots,_

_And tonight we will connect the dots._

Another lunge that scooted us further across the bed and I billowed upward again, fastening my lips to his mouth so he couldn't get away from me.

The sensation was building in my abdomen- the tightness. With each slow thrust it would build, last longer and be stronger than the previous movement. "Jake," I bit into his shoulder as he lifted his body off me to get another angle.

He was letting out the sexiest groans I'd ever heard with every movement- deep, throaty noises, driving me even closer to the edge."Yeah?" A growl rumbled in his throat, as he kissed my lips and propelled his body forward again, sinking into me. "Are you close?" He stared into my eyes, running his hands along my sides to draw an answer out of me.

The pressure was increasing. One more and I knew I'd be lost. He released one of his hands, and glided his fingers over my heaving stomach. I pushed his hand away and shook my head. "N-No…J-Jake…I'm f-f-fine…fingers aren't needed," I exhaled into his neck, digging my fingers into his back. "C-Come…w-with m-me…"

"_Fuck_," he said and his body started to shake. He thrust into me once more and that set us both off.

My body arched towards him. "Jacob…oh…_f-fuck_," I moaned, riding the tsunami out- that powerful explosion in my abdomen- squeezing my thighs around his as his hands scrunched the sheets on either side of me and he let out a sharp gasp, whispering my name in _that_ voice, thrusting into me a couple of more times. I felt his release inside of me, and there was warmth that…coated my insides, setting off a chain reaction, so my entire body was on fire…feverish feeling.

He held me close to him, cradling me as I twitched a few more times, riding out the aftershocks. He held my hips tight, so I wasn't…convulsing. I was so relieved, _so fucking relieved_. "Oh God…Oh Jacob," I whispered into his ear as he struggled to steady his own breathing. "So good…" I tried to laugh, but the vibration shook me and…it was a bit too much. He nuzzled my neck and deposited kisses on my shoulders, my chest, my stomach, which was still undulating, and my thighs, smiling against my skin. He glanced into my eyes, his lips swollen, cherry red from the passion, and he smiled, dropping a warm hand to my stomach, soothing me. He leaned up and kissed me passionately. "You have no idea." I blushed, covering my eyes, as he kissed my jaw line and lips, moving my hands away and gazing into my eyes. "How badly…how much…I've wanted that. It's been so long…and it's all you," I whispered against his lips. I missed his touch; I missed touching him, so I ran my hands over his form again. That had felt good- his hand pressed against the softness of my skin, just feeling the hard body of a male, _this_ male, pressed against me was overwhelming…mind-blowing.

I had to catch my breath before we continued. Right now, I wanted to savor the feeling, this moment. I felt so good…and I wanted to go again. I was tingling everywhere. Every time he kissed me, or touched me, all over my body when he felt the urge to, it felt too good to be real.

Fuck. He was still inside of me.

* * *

_(Jacob's POV)_

I'd just made love to Bella Swan after four years and I couldn't stop smiling. That had felt fucking fantastic.

I'm a sexual guy. I am. It's just who I am. I hadn't had sex since she returned, because all I wanted was her…I'd never wanted anyone more than her. And God…being inside of her again…

Her curtains were wide open and she was bathed in the glow of the moon. Her skin shimmered from sweat, her body covered with red flush and she was still entangled with me.

Look at this girl, this _woman._ I brought out this dominant, sexual monster from within her. She was already kissing me again, wanting more. I was nowhere near done with her tonight…or ever really.

I felt myself grow hard again, not that it was difficult. "I hope you know," I said, huskily, sitting up and hitching her legs around my waist, catching her off guard when I plunged back into her. She moaned, shocked, and rolled her head back, clawing at my chest, mouth wide. _Oh fuck yes_.

"Know what?" She tried to pull me down to her. I snatched her wrists to stop her as I sat back on my knees and seized both of her legs. I dragged her down the bed on her back as my hands encircled her waist. She gasped, sending me a sexy smile, sliding her tongue over her lips before I leaned over her, bending at the waist, legs tucked beneath me. I hovered above her, a mere inch away.

"You aren't getting much sleep tonight. If I had a choice, I wouldn't let you sleep at all," I said against her lips, biting into her top lip.

I loved teasing her.

"Who said I want to sleep?" She raised a brow. "I'm tired, but there is no way I'm sleeping more than a couple of hours, maybe three hours tops, when you're here." She looked at me from beneath her lashes, giving me that sexy open mouthed pout she's mastered.

Oh she had me. "Glad we're on the same page," I said, before rolling my hips against hers.

"_Fucking_…_God_," she cried out, clinging to my thighs as I sat back up. I wanted to watch her, but she wouldn't allow that and she grabbed my neck and kissed my fiercely, French kissing me, dragging her tongue over my mouth and tongue.

"Mine," I whispered against her lips, pivoting my hips again.

"Only yours…no one else," she said, panting.

Oh God…she was close again; I could feel her walls clenching and unclenching around me. I had at least two more rounds in me before I let go. Sex with her was always about her. Nothing meant more to me than her pleasure…and she…fuck…she was digging her nails into my arms as I resumed my movements. She hadn't had sex…_real sex_ in years. It explained why she was reacting…violently almost. She was deprived.

I hadn't touched her like this for years. I'd withheld this desire for far too long.

Her walls tightened around me as she gasped out, "Jacob…_fucking…_harder." I sped up my movements as she demanded "_faster._"

Finally, she threw her head back, moaning loudly.

Again. Another release. I kissed along her chest, shoulders, and breasts, paying special attention to her nipples, closer to me because she'd bowed up. Her fingers snagged tufts of my hair, the closest she could reach as she rode out _another_ orgasm. I almost recoiled at the pain from my scalp. Who knew she could hold onto me that hard? I gladly accepted the pain though; it was a small price to pay when it came to the abundance of pleasure.

She fell back against the bed. "Oh… my… God."

And the night was still young.

* * *

_(Bella's POV)_

Jacob wasn't kidding when he said he'd let me ride out each orgasm. I was achy, hot, my body feeling pleasant, like it received the best work out. Warmth flooded throughout me and my heart thumped rapidly.

For nearly an hour he touched me, massaged me, kissed me everywhere except where I wanted him most. He'd pulled out of me only for that span of time, so he could focus on my body. He knew every single inch of my skin and he purposely avoided my most intimate part. His hands had reduced me to a moaning, writhing mass that clenched the sheets. He had talented hands and an equally talented mouth; I couldn't get enough of him and I didn't hold back once- I announced to him, vocally, how I felt at every brush of his mouth and hands.

I wanted to return the favor. I wanted to touch him and kiss him anywhere I pleased, but he was giving everything to me before I could even worship his body, and I knew he wouldn't be done with me anytime soon.

Ashley once had a boyfriend that was a massage therapist. She'd informed me it was possible to have an orgasm just by someone's hands running over your body, and since my nerve endings were sensitive because Jacob hadn't touched me in so long, and because I hadn't been touched, like this, in a while, I'd definitely proven her theory again.

I missed him. I missed him inside of me, and I whimpered as he pressed open mouthed kisses along my thighs, nibbling, and sending shockwaves through me.

He didn't need another push; once that whimper fell from my lips he was inside of me again. I was on all fours, but flat on my stomach and he nudged my legs apart with his hands, thrusting into me, pressing the front of his body into my back. He laced our fingers together; my hands were on either side of me and now rested above my head. I turned my head to the side as he gave me a slow, unhurried kiss, and rotated his hips, sliding deeper, bending his body to kiss along my spine. I buried my head in the pillow as the movement extracted a lengthy moan from within me, and I slid against the sheets as his body brushed against me. He lowered down on top of me once more, kissing my mouth again as the fingers of one of his hands latched on to my sides. I squeezed the fingers of his other hand, feeling another climax approaching. He was trembling above me.

I should get extra points for holding out longer than him.

He sped up his movements, and with a groan he relaxed, leaning his head into my shoulder, careful to keep his weight off of me. He kissed my back and brushed my hair of my sweaty shoulders.

I was so sensitive…the skin of my clit…too sensitive. I didn't think I could take it if he brushed against me again.

He flipped me over and kissed me, grinding his crotch against mine. I gasped, begging him to keep going.

Too much. Way too much. Too many sensations all at once. But still…so good.

"Jake," I squeezed his hips before he slid back into me. "I n-need a br-break," I almost sobbed.

It felt too good…too much though…too much…

He instantly pulled away from me and lay beside me, kissing my face and apologized, repeating, "It _was_ too much, I'm sorry." He kissed me to calm the jolts rocketing through my body. With one final kiss to my lips, he got of bed. I sat up, dizzy, still quivering as I crawled to my knees, legs like jell-o, and pulled him to me. He leaned over the bed and kissed my forehead. "Don't go," I pleaded, petting the hair around his ears. I pouted, unintentionally.

"Bella," he titled my chin up. "You need a break. I'm going to get you some water from the fridge. Relax. I'm yours, you're mine, forever, and nothing is going to tear us apart, not again. I won't allow it," he spoke with the confidence he'd had for as long as I could remember. "Honestly, I'm a bit worn out at the moment as well. I'm not going anywhere…just the kitchen. I love you. I'll be right back." He moved away and I clasped his hand again. "Bella," he chuckled. "Honey, I'm not leaving this apartment anytime soon." He grazed the top of my hand with his lips, provoking a blush from me. He then placed the back of his hand to my head, and for some reason, his hand didn't feel as hot against me. "Shit," he whispered. "You're burning up. Rest," he said, stroking my cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.

I relaxed, turning into his touch. "I don't want you to be away from me. I don't want you out of my sight." His hands glided to my back and he lifted me gently, eyes locked on mine.

"I will be back here," he pointed to the spot beside me, "In twenty seconds. You can count." He smiled. I missed that smile. I missed the sunshine in my Jacob; it'd been so long- _he _was back.

I lay back, curling inward, as he exited the room, feeling weightless, like I was floating, or dreaming.

He reappeared in the bedroom precisely 18 seconds later and handed me a glass of water, crawling in the space next to me and lying beside me. I situated myself against into his chest as he wrapped his strong arms around me and supported me against him so I was angled upwards and could drink the liquid greedily. I felt hundreds of times better.

While I drank he pulled me between his legs, and kissed my shoulders, my hands, the top of my head, my fingers. I'd occasionally smile and raise my hands to his lips and he'd kiss the flesh there, or I'd nuzzle his cheek, and duck my head into the crook of his neck and shoulder.

My thighs and my core ached because of the closeness we'd shared…and because he wasn't there.

I set my empty glass down on the side table, refreshed. I turned to him, straddling him and supported myself with my hands on his chest. I pushed him down as I slowly rubbed my center against him. "Bella…again? Aren't you…?" He rasped, kissing me and clutching the back of my head to pull me to him and deepen the kiss.

He was unable to finish his sentence. Score one for me.

"I don't want to stop anytime soon."

"Bella," he began. I silenced him by dragging my nails down his chest and abs, loving the feel of his arms looped around my waist and his hands snaking around my thighs.

"I can handle it, Jake, believe me, and we have four years to make up for," I said, staring down at him. "I'm not stopping until I pass out from exhaustion."

"Fuck," was all he mouthed before flipping me onto my back and hitching my legs over his shoulders, preparing to be rough, a line we hadn't crossed in a while.

I didn't want this night to ever end.

Because tomorrow would bring another day…and who knew what would happen. I wanted to store this night in my memory for as long as I could.

But, it was the first time where I knew the sunrise would bring a day that would be filled with happiness, void of any regret or anger.

About time, right?

_One more try,_

_Can we start again?_

_In my eyes, can you forgive me now?_

_(Can we start again?)_

_Can we start again (one more try?)_

_Can we start again?_

_Can we start again (can you forgive me?)_

_Can we start again?_

* * *

(A/N: _**STORY IS NOT OVER UNTIL A TITLE HAS THE WORD 'EPILOGUE' IN IT**_! _Begin rant/_ don't flame people: it's so ridiculous and completely immature. If you don't like it, don't read it, and go ahead and feel free to write something of your own /_end rant_)


	33. Reunited

Disclaimer: blah blah Stephenie Meyer blah blah. Lyrics: Never Too Late- Three Days Grace and Neighbors Know My Name- Trey Songz ;)

(A/N: Sorry this is so late! Thanks for the reviews, faves, and alerts! Congrats to **SweetLilB** for being my 900th review and **lovesloves** for being my 1000th review! **Warning: **Sex. Random: **I'llBeWaitingInTheWings** inspired the Billy and Charlie scene in this. I know those of you who read my author's notes are getting sick of this, but I said I'll be saying it in every chapter: **Check out Jacob Black-n-Pack and feel free to add me as a friend there and join the group for this story.** I'd _love_ to have more friends and members of the group over there. Don't be shy! I post teasers there, as well as graphics/photos and links to the songs for every chapter. The story is there as well if something happens to it here!)

* * *

**Chapter 31: Reunited **

_Now and again we try_

_To just stay alive_

_**Maybe we'll turn it all around**_

_**'Cause it's not too late**_

_**It's never too late**_

_Bella's apartment…still_

_(Bella's POV)_

As much as I didn't want to sleep, I knew I had to. Dawn was around the corner.

And I was snuggled against the warm, solid body of my wolf, _my Jacob_, snoring quietly in my ear. My naked body was comfortably curved into the confines of another larger body. I fell asleep to our heavy breathing with my hand over his heart, nodding off to the steady thumps, feeling like I could conquer anything in these arms, which were wrapped firmly around my waist.

Jacob was here; my hands were on him. He was tangible, present, and _mine_. I didn't want to move, because I was exhausted and…I was sore; a slight ache inflamed in my lower half. I had no desire to leave these arms.

It'd been three in the morning when I'd fallen asleep, and my body started to awaken a few hours later as I realized the body beside me was gone. Like it'd been a dream.

The spot was still warm, but I couldn't touch him, I couldn't feel his physical presence. It was like he'd vanished in thin air.

That is until I felt a set of warm lips peppering kisses along the insides of my thighs. It had become too hot with Jake's body resting against mine and I welcomed the cool air from the fan hanging from my ceiling. Almost fervid hands massaged my legs. "Mmm," I moaned, stretching, keeping my eyes closed, core tingling from the presence of his mouth so close to it. My hands curled beside my head. I was relaxed and caring little that I lay exposed and uncovered on top of my bed's black comforter.

My hands crumpled the sheets, smiling at the sensation between my legs, mouth on my pelvic bone, listening to the sound of lips smacking, and succumbing to the fiery mouth traveling over my skin. I was content to let him worship those parts of my body. I wanted to look, but didn't want to open my eyes…until that mouth made its presence known elsewhere.

My eyes flew open, zeroing in on the ceiling above me. "Oh, Jacob…_fuck_!"

I heard a laugh rumble in his chest as he continued. _Oh God_…I angled my body upwards, falling back onto the bed at the sight of his dark head between my legs, and his hands clutching the outside of my thighs to keep me in place. Christ, I loved that vision- his skin, so dark, against my milky skin. My head arched off the bed with each wave. I gripped the sheet as his tongue lapped against me, sliding in, nibbling…

It'd been so long since he'd done this; since _anyone_ had done this to me…Jake was the only one that _had_. This act was one of my favorite things about sex.

I leaned forward and he moved along with me, mouth staying attached to my center as my hands fisted his hair. He emitted a low growl and squeezed my hips harder so I wouldn't move away from him. "Stay put," his voice vibrated against me and sent another shock wave through me. I fell back to the bed on my elbows, gasping, eyes closing and opening, head casted back, mouth partially open. Finally, with a tiny bite and a flick of his fingers, my orgasm reached its peak and swept through me. I collapsed back into my bed after I cried out his name.

He hovered above me, eyes glassy. "That is so…sexy," I gasped, watching him, panting from the wave still going through me. He kissed my eyelids and smiled, moving to kiss me on the mouth. I smiled against his lips, kissing him passionately, dipping my tongue into his mouth, pressing my chest against his before gliding my hands down his back.

He kissed my neck. "Good morning, sweetheart."

"What time is it?" I groaned, holding onto him as he rolled over the side of the bed to check the clock- me on top of him, my center resting on his stomach with my legs on either side of him. He grasped the clock and turned it so its face was within our view. Somehow it had been misplaced and ended up at the back of the nightstand facing the opposite direction than it normally did. We did make the bed 'rock' a lot…

It was 5:45 in the morning. I took notice of the room- it was dark, but the light of day was beginning to appear. Jake was busy underneath me, sucking on my neck and massaging my thighs.

"Jake," I moaned, refusing to submit to his mouth which was now occupied with the edge of my ear, as he squeezed my ass. "Why'd you wake me up?"

He paused and laid back to look at me. I crossed my arms over my chest, hoping to give him the 'angry girlfriend' look. His eyes were focused on my breasts. I took a peek…Oh hell…my breasts were pushed up. I settled for loosening my hold, blushing and directing my gaze back to him below me. "Have you ever watched the sunrise?" He said, gazing into my eyes.

That was…strange. "Not with you, I don't think. In fact, I don't think I ever have, period."

"Come on," he nudged me off of him and hopped out of bed, reaching his hand out and nodding to the window, the one that encompassed a wall of my room, with the curtains wide open, offering a breathtaking view of the nearby mountain peaks and forest outside. The skies grayed in the distance; the sun was ready to show its face. I almost swooned at the romantic gesture, like the girl I was, as I took his hand and he helped me to my feet. Why hadn't I watched the sunrise here yet? Kyle, Ashley, Angela, and I watched the sunset together plenty of times, but never sunrise, mainly because we were all fond of sleeping, except maybe Angela- she believed sleeping was a waste of time. There were days where I agreed with her…one of those days being yesterday and now today.

I'd only been on my feet once to use the bathroom, but now the evidence of last night chose to manifest itself the moment I stood. "Shit," I clutched my stomach…that stupid ache was prominent. I shut my eyes and bent over, trying to catch my breath.

Jacob had reached for a blanket on the bed and yanked it off, keeping me in his arms, so he'd picked up on my cringe of discomfort. "Hey, what's wrong?" He squeezed my hand in his, piling a blanket under his arm, cradling me against him, and stroking my hair as I pressed into his chest, ducking my head against him. "Hey," his fingers drummed along my sides again, urging me to answer. "Are you okay?"

I shook my head. "I'm just in a bit of pain," I gasped into his chest. There was no reason to lie; he'd sensed I was uncomfortable almost immediately.

He recoiled before tightening his arms around me. "Shit, Bella." His voice was soft, concerned. "I'm so fucking sorry."

"Jake," I held my hand up as he opened the door and wrapped the blanket around my shoulders just as the chilly morning breeze hit me. I clutched it against my chest, cape-style over my shoulders. I stared up at him. His eyes were wide- like a deer in headlights. I chuckled and rose on my tiptoes, placing a hand behind his head to pull him down, relishing in how wonderful the nearly frigid air felt against my skin. I deposited a feeble kiss on his lips as he placed a hand on my back to lead me outside, all the passion before lost momentarily.

"Was I too rough?" He dropped onto a chair, stark naked. Did he even know he was naked? Probably not…or he didn't care. I'm going to agree with the latter.

I'd kept my hand in his and squeezed it. I shook my head and sat in his lap with my legs dangling over his, my side pressed against his chest, my body angled towards him so I could wrap my arms around him and kiss his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into the kiss. I brushed my nose against his and gazed into his eyes. "Jacob," he inclined his head towards me and I ran my finger along his jaw as his hands encircled my body, splaying across my back. "Do we really need to repeat this conversation again? I haven't had sex in a while…four years, right?"

He hesitated. "Correct..."

"You were perfect. Just like I remember…attentive…slow…yes, things picked up as we 'got into it', but you wouldn't have done any of that without my permission. When I said 'stop' or 'wait,' you did. You have a lot of self-control, something that's rare to find in guys your age…something almost impossible to find in guys _in general_. It takes a lot of power to hold back and not 'release the beast.' But, it's like that with anybody, especially someone like you, who literally has an animal caged within."

He smiled weakly. I cupped his cheek and recaptured his gaze. "And…if you want to get into the sciences…I'm a small girl and you're…well…" I blushed, gesturing to his crotch forcing myself to keep my eyes on his. "You're…a big guy, okay? You're what… 6'8"? Proportionally speaking…" I hoped he'd catch on. His cheeks darkened. "It's like the first time again…it can't be avoided. So, don't worry about it. It's another horrible side effect of being a girl, second in line to having that 'time of the month,'" I chuckled and traced his lips with the pad on my thumb.

He buried his head in my neck as I nestled my head in the crook of his neck and shoulder. He brushed his lips against my forehead. "Watch," he whispered. My eyes scanned the woods, eventually settling on the peaks nearby. The faint pink light of morning began to appear on the horizon.

I didn't realize how beautiful the view from my balcony was, until now. Dew drops were hanging off the ends of leaves and trees, dripping from the ends and reflecting the light like jewels. A mist hovered inches above the ground. Every plant was green, and a few dead ones were positioned here and there to prove it was winter. The setting, the scenery, all of it, was like a painting…a canvas of blues, yellows, pinks, grays, browns, and green.

I rested in Jake's arms in silence. His right arm wrapped around my side and his other hand clasped my hands above the blanket. I almost unconsciously let my eyes shift back to him, desiring to watch him while his attention was directed to the landscape as it was steadily illuminated by the rays of the sun. The gray rapidly turned into a sea of pinks, oranges, and yellows, like a splash of color and light had been added to a painting that was originally that of darkness.

It was time for these last tears to fall- all of the times I'd shed them for him over the years…it was time for those tears to stop, to vanish, to never reappear. It was time for me to smile again, every day, every moment with him. I knew we would fight, because it's what normal couples did; it was bound to happen…I knew there would be moments where we'd hurt each other's feelings, but we'd work through these things, these _mishaps_, together.

I cupped his cheek, drawing his eyes back to me."I love you," I whispered, gazing into his eyes and resting my hands on his shoulder. "So much…I don't even…you can't even imagine. I mean, things are _really _turning out like this…I never thought…you and me?" I was babbling like an idiot. He smiled and wiped my tears away with his fingers.

He grinned. "I love you just as much…more even." It was hard to resist outlining the contours of his face with my fingers, especially when he was barely a breath away from me. He had such a pretty skin tone…something I noticed long before I even considered the possibility that he and I could be romantically involved, and before I even had the smallest thought that I could like him more than a friend. I'd always been jealous of that color, and now I knew his entire body was gifted with such a beautiful shade. He was even more beautiful bathed in the sunlight. His hands stroked my arms. "It's hard to believe you're here." He laughed. "Christ, look at us; we're getting too cheesy for my taste." He winked.

I blushed and giggled, depositing several kisses along his jaw. "It's true though. I was thinking the same thing."

We watched the rest of the sunrise between kisses and caresses, never without contact, the blanket between us keeping our actions modest.

I wanted him. Believe it or not, I wanted him _again_, right here, right now. Call me whatever name you'd like, but I didn't want to stop making love to him. I adjusted my position in his lap, keeping the sheet fastened around me. His eyes flickered to mine as I straddled his waist and settled against his erection. I lifted my blanket, opening it up to wrap it around his shoulders, shielding us from the view of the world around us. "Jake," I kissed his lips, moving up and down in his lap, intentionally brushing against him. "I want you now, _please_," I said, breathless.

He groaned and kissed me fervently. "Not here," he said, dragging my lower lip between his teeth and trapping me with his arms to support me.

How I managed to shift so swiftly to this position was a mystery to me.

"Come on…public sex…no one will see us. We can check it off our list." Hard to believe that came from _my_ mouth and not his. I was shocked at my confidence.

His eyes widened, clearly thinking the same thing. "I don't think…"

I didn't give him time to think. He was…very much awake, so I had easy access to mount myself on him and I did, sinking onto him with a few movements. "Bella…fucking…" he gasped as I let out a hoarse cry, placing my hand on the nape of his neck and the other tightly grasping his shoulder. I kissed him as his hands kept the blanket around me, covering us from the back. I casted my head back as I rolled my hips against him and his mouth latched onto my neck and chest. His hands around my waist lifted me up and down; I was just out of reach of his lips every time. I'd rise and sink down again, making sure to capture his lips, letting out sounds of pleasure with every swivel of my hips. I clawed at his shoulders, increasing the pace and biting my lip, trying to keep myself silent so I didn't wake any neighbors.

The atmosphere around me was heating up. The night hours were fading away, and cars were driving on the street, passing the opposite side of the building, headed to work.

Jake surprised me, pulling me to him so my breasts brushed against his chest as he thrust into me, moving my hips against his. "F-Fuck," I gasped for air. I was so exhausted, running on only a few hours of sleep, but…I was addicted, at this point at least, and I didn't want to lose any moments with him, even though we were set; I wasn't going anywhere. There would be _no_ leaving; both of us wouldn't allow another separation.

Although my release wasn't as powerful as it had been because I was weak, I still felt it forming within me and I let go. I jumped off that cliff and bit down on to his shoulder hard; he'd angled his neck so I could do so and I felt his fingers dig into my back beneath the blanket as I came down from my high. I kissed him slowly. "I think I need a doctor. I can't get enough of you. This is bad. I need a prescription," I laughed, catching my breath.

He grinned. "Well…" I rested my head against his chest as he spoke; it rose and fell with each breath he took. "I basically assaulted you with my tongue several minutes ago while you were _sleeping_, so I guess we both need some kind of cure."

"But, what if I don't want a cure…you're a good addiction. You always have been…You don't bring me down; make me feel lesser about myself, or make me feel unequal to you. You're not overbearing and I'm not so consumed by you that I disregard my life, even if last night was an exception, you respect me and allow me to do what I please…I could do on. " He gently lifted me off of him so he was no longer inside of me before wrapping me in his arms again, positioning my legs so I was lying to the side again.

He was silent for a moment, cheek pressed against my face, mulling over my words. He wasn't Edward, for all the right reasons, and he knew that. He didn't pitch a fit or forbid me from speaking to Edward when I admitted I would always have feelings for him, even if they were a far cry from what I once felt.

He kissed my ear. "Sex isn't a good addiction, Bella. I would know."

I glanced up at him to see him staring at me. I didn't want this conversation to turn down a dark path so I smiled and spoke the truth... "But, I'm only addicted to sex with _you_, so it doesn't count."

He let out the cutest laugh I'd heard. I giggled before closing my eyes, drifting off into sleep again. I was drowsy, likely from the lack of food…and all of the sex. I'd probably lost, like, two pounds tonight, not that I needed to.

Jake wrapped me tighter in his arms, making sure the blanket was in place and stood to carry me back inside. He opened the sliding glass door with one hand and supported me with one arm until he shut the door behind him and could cradle me with both arms.

He set me on the bed gently, tucking me beneath the sheets and settling beside me, pulling me against him, my chest against his, the sun illuminating the room in the gorgeous red and pink shades of sunrise, dancing across our bodies.

* * *

_Two hours later_

_(Jacob's POV)_

I didn't think anything in the world come close to falling asleep with Bella in my arms- tiny, slender, pouty-lipped, _naked_ Bella.

I wasn't going to let her go ever again. Never. Not a single chance. Zip. No. She was staying right here in my arms, and I refused to be separated from her for too long. I wanted to spend as much time as I could with her for a few days, even with both of us working, and then we'd move on with our lives, together, like it should be. No monsters, no magic be damned. She was meant to be with me from the start.

I was sound asleep, lost in dreams of Bella- all Bella- her smile, her body, making love to her- my conscious well aware that I could touch her…that she was here with me.

I was fast asleep, lost in one of those… sex dreams.

Why the hell am I still having those? I'd had enough sex last night that my mind should be on another track, not one leading to…sex, sex, more sex, Bella sex…

This particular dream Bella was busy…with my…_ahem_…

Shortly after sunrise, I felt this… moist warmth around my cock, sliding over the tip. I thought I was still stuck in that dream. I was half-asleep and 'rising' to the occasion. A moan escaped Bella's parted lips and vibrated through me as she moved lower.

My eyes snapped open as two hands wrapped around me and…pumped.

My 'angel' was lying on her stomach, working magic with her mouth. I watched her head bob up and down, hands twisting around me. This precious, sexual creature (all thanks to me) was paying me back for getting her earlier with my 'wake up call.' I couldn't help it; I'd wanted her. I knew she needed sleep, but we could sleep later. We had all the time in the world.

Her hair was pushed to the side of her head, cascading to the bed like a curtain to one side of her.

_Fuck_…_that mouth_…She was working slowly too. Definitely teasing, mumbling an "Mmmmm…" here and there. I debated speaking to her, letting her know she wasn't molesting me in my sleep. I couldn't even complain, not that I would because it'd been so fucking long. She was insatiable. I guess the whole trying to get Edward to sleep with her when they were together never faded, except the desire was for me now, and me only.

I smiled. Not 'her' smile, but one of those '_fuck,_ that feels good,' smiles. "If this is the way you're going to wake me up every morning, then I'm going to be one very happy man." My voice was thick from sleep and…sex.

She froze and removed her mouth, eyes wide, wiping at her lips. _Hot._ "I'm sorry," she said. She blushed, not looking at me.

I almost pouted the second her lips left me. "Why are you apologizing, _again_?"

She stole a glance into my eyes, pulling her hair behind her, trying to calm herself down. She'd always been this shy, and I knew it'd been awhile, so I could never be irritated by this, but I needed to spend more time teaching her to 'let go' sexually.

She was sitting there, stroking her arms, not looking me in the eyes. It was kind of endearing that she still got embarrassed over these things. I'd be the _only one_ to teach her things. We'd learn them together.

The list of things I loved about her was lengthening every day I was with her.

I lay back on my elbows and cupped her cheek, pulling her into a kiss. She instantly wrapped her hands around my back, deepening the kiss. "I…" She pulled away after placing a feather light kiss on my mouth, and studied my shoulder where one of her hands rested. She tucked her hands between her legs, causing her breasts to bunch together.

Christ…look at _that_ and she had this _look_ about her…"I-I wanted you…and I hadn't…" she stuttered. At least that thing didn't go away; it made her who she was. Okay, so it was **one** thing that made her _Bella_.

"Bella," my voice rasped. She tilted her head up and I kissed her mouth, my fingers cradling her delicate chin, her eyes on mine. "I am hereby forbidding you to apologize for anything sexual that you do from this moment forward. I'm not going to push you away when you randomly decide you want to attack my cock, okay? I'm not going to say no." I smirked.

She snorted and smacked my arm. "Ain't that the truth." I reclined back, as she stayed in place, mouth gaping. "You pulled away from me," she snapped.

I sniggered and gave her a leering look. "Are you going to finish?"

"I think not," Bella pouted, crossing her arms..._hello cleavage_! She turned her head aside, sticking her chin out.

A growl rumbled the back of my throat. "You tease…" Then…I had an idea. "Well, if that's the case…" I sat up. She was trying not to smile and avoided my gaze. I chuckled at the way her eyes darted around the room, purposely _not_ landing on me. Her swollen lips puckered in a pout. "I'm going to make you answer that question…remember? Last night?"

Her eyes met mine and she blushed. Her brown orbs widened to reflect her surprise. "What question?"

I smiled, crawling towards her like a predator stalking his prey. I moved above her on my knees and hands, hovering above her so she had to lean back as I moved in closer. I knew the look I was giving her; it was the one she usually hated for all the right reasons and it always got her to say 'sex now.' It was an arrogant smile. "About you touching yourself?"

Her mouth dropped and I crawled out of the bed as she let out a sound of rage, sending me a glare. She had a mini-tantrum and slammed her hands against the bed, huffing, crossing her arms. "**You** are the tease, Jacob!" She watched me as I walked around the room. "**You** taught _me_ to tease, remember?" She arched a perfectly trimmed eyebrow.

I knew what I was looking for as I opened the drawers on her dresser…a sign, something, that even though she didn't have sexual interaction with anyone else, it didn't mean she didn't 'entertain' herself.

It kind of turned me on. No, it _really_ turned me on as I imagined her doing that. Maybe she'd, uh, perform for me? Couples did that…

Christ knew Autumn and Embry had.

Yeah, that's right, my shy, best friend was having way to much sex for his own good…and I mean kinky shit. I remember the days when were kids, and uh, inexperienced, and Embry was unable to say much of anything around girls, like, not even a 'hello.'

Now look at us.

Bella and I were like a bunch of nympho-maniacs. But I missed her, this closeness, her body, and we had a lot of time to make up for.

Panic was evident in Bella's voice. "Jake, what are you doing?" I heard her scoot across the bed, rumpling the sheets.

I opened up her lingerie drawer, holding a lace, sheer thong up to show her. _Fucking hot_. "Jacob Black!" She shouted, gritting her teeth and flying to her feet. She was by my side instantly, successfully not tripping or falling. _Damn._

I glanced at her, smiling. "I'm just looking…"

Her cheeks were flaming red and she glared at me. "What _exactly_ are you looking for?"

"Wouldn't you like to know," I teased, before opening the next drawer, uncovering her sexy sleepwear that was piled within, some still with price tags…pieces I didn't know existed. Maybe she'd model them for me?

I rummaged through the drawers contents and found…_ah-ha_.

She pulled on my arm as hard as she could. "Jake!"

I didn't budge and proceeded to pull out the box that contained…_whoa._

And I was hard again, just the thought of _this_…sinking into her with her thoughts on me…

"Shit," she said, sitting back on the bed.

I opened the box and pulled out a soft, yet firm, skin colored mold of a fucking _penis_, maybe about 5 inches in length…with some sort of thing attached to it that fucking _vibrated_ when I pressed the button.

"I hate you," she buried her head in her hands. "There's your answer," she sighed heavily.

Oh great…back to the insecurity. I wanted _my girl_ to be open in her sexuality, because this was nothing to be ashamed of! Time to let her know… "It's a fucking turn on, Bella, so stop being embarrassed. It's _me…_I'm, like, the one person you shouldn't be freaking out about his around."

You know I'd never actually seen one of these _objects_ in person. It looked quite painful, even if it was fucking _plastic._ "So you _did_ then?" I smirked, watching her.

She peeked through her fingers and I saw evidence of a smile tug at the corner of her lips as her eyes darted to my face and the… _item_ clasped in my palm.

She rolled her eyes and slapped her hands on her thighs before wrapping a sheet around her. "Maybe once every few months…"

My eyes widened. That fucking image of her…and this _thing_ would not leave my head! "With this?" I shook the…vibrator.

"It's…uh…" There she goes again, hiding her face. We needed to work on that. She looked down. "It didn't feel good enough…I mean the vibration felt great…" I smiled, waiting for her to continue. "But, I mean…its plastic! It's cold too." Ha…cold...vampires…wonder what Bella' sex life would've been if she'd chosen…what's his face…Edward, yeah, him. I had to suppress a laugh. "I mean plastic compared to skin? And it couldn't compare to the _heat_ that comes with being with you…" Now we're talking. "It didn't work for me. _You did_. It's too…small anyways…" She cut off and her eyes darted to me as she blushed again, falling against the bed and covering her face, burying her head beneath the covers, muffling her next words. "Oh…damn it…"

Now, _I_ was blushing just as much as she was.

I stored the object away, unable to keep the ridiculous smile from my face as I crept stealthily toward her cocooned in the blankets. "Did you really just say that?"

The covers shifted and were shoved down so she could peek at me, nodding her head, before hiding again. I leaned over her, sitting on the bed to pull the covers down. "Jesus fucking Christ, Bella," I whispered into her ear, brushing her hair aside. "You used… toys?"

"Well," she said, voice shaking. "Phone sex was off limits, since you and I had broken up, and I was across the country. I couldn't sleep with any other guy, but I told you that already…and when I was with Edward, it's not like I could do anything because he used to watch me every night…" What a freak that vampire was… "And…yeah, I was horny." She shrugged.

She was making progress; she'd kept her eyes on me the whole time. I nuzzled her cheek. "Can I repeat myself for you?"

She rolled her eyes. "Sure, sure," she giggled.

"That is nothing to be ashamed of. To be honest I would've broke something if you'd said you'd been with other guys." I was trembling from the thought of it.

"Really? Like how I wanted to skin Chimera alive for a while there?"

I chuckled, kissing her nose. "Worse...Just thinking about that Jeremy kid kissing you is enough push me to the edge. It would send me over it if he got a glimpse of this body." My hands caressed her breasts, roaming over her stomach, sliding over her thighs. Her eyes fluttered. "I would've torn the guys head off if I saw him. The idea of someone else inside of you literally rips me apart inside. It's possessive, but…I can't help it." I laughed. "Last night when you said I was your only one, I was so fucking happy, I couldn't put it in words." I smiled, kissing her cheek, lids, and lips, sneaking my tongue into her mouth, as she returned the kiss.

"Wow," she giggled, gazing into my eyes. I chuckled and kissed her forehead. "Shit…I'm thirsty," she sat up, scooting to the edge of the bed, gripping her hair as she stood up, dizzy, faltering slightly. I almost reached out to her but she waved me off. She smiled. "I'm fine." She took an unsteady step. I hated that. I hated that sex did this to girls, especially Bella. I hated to see her in any pain. I hated to see _anyone_ in any pain; it's in my nature. I was just glad it was me that did that to her and not someone else…like an aggressive guy, who thinks he's 'the man' and disregards a female's feelings.

* * *

_(Bella's POV)_

As I headed in the kitchen, squinting at the lights streaming through the window, I wanted to slam my head against the wall. Jacob just had to search for it, didn't he?

I reached the kitchen, balancing myself with my arm against the wall as another ache flared in my abdomen. Can a girl have too many orgasms?

I opened the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water, unscrewing the cap to take a greedy gulp, resting my head against the cool fridge before splashing my face with water in the sink.

I didn't have a single reason to be ashamed of using such a thing for pleasure. I'd always thought about him, but because I'd been so loyal to him I had a feeling he was still having guilty thoughts about sleeping with Chimera.

I couldn't have done anything to stop that. Jake was sexual. He wasn't that kid that helped me fix bikes. He was a twenty year man with a sexual appetite worthy of a porn star. I had no complaints. The attention he paid to me and my body was one of the best things about him. He always thought about me first during sex. I mean, 'going down' on him this morning when he was half-asleep was…uh, wrong…but, God, I'd just wanted a taste! And he loved it!

I think my embarrassment didn't root in that fact that I'd touched myself, but that I'd said 'It wasn't big enough; it didn't feel right; it wasn't warm.' I really needed to work on that! I'd been honest, but...

I rested my head in my hands, leaning over the counter.

I felt two smoldering hands entrap my waist and a set of lips slide along my neck. I rolled my head back, gripping the counter as Jake pushed my head aside, moaning as he sucked on my neck and nibbled on my ear. I closed my eyes, grinning when I felt him pressed against my back. That _want _for him, was starting again.

The sexual atmosphere pulsing between us hadn't disappeared. I don't think my desire for him would ever lower even a fraction as of right now. I was worn out, but I _still_ wanted more.

His breath breezed over my ear.

I turned into him and wrapped my hand around his neck, pulling him down as he continued to rotate his hips. "Care to continue our kiss a few days ago?" His teeth latched onto the shell of my ear and my knees buckled. He squeezed my waist and held me up, chuckling.

Fuck…that moment…rough…unrestrained. Yeah, I wanted the full show, not a teaser.

I smiled, dropped my head against his neck and tugged on his hair and pulled him down to kiss his mouth. "Do you think you can get me there quick enough?" My confidence was back; I was challenging him.

He paused. "What if I hurt you?"

"Jake," I looked into his eyes over my shoulder. "I'm fine. Like I promised last night, I'll say something if it gets to be too much…Jake," I whispered as he nibbled along my neck and shoulders, one of his hands gliding over my waist and the other slipping between my legs. I moaned as quakes of pleasure went through me. "Bend over," he exhaled into my ear.

_**(A sex scene was here, but because of fanfiction's guidelines you will have to go to my BlogSpot OR my group for this story on JacobBlack-n-Pack linked in my profile to read the scene. JacobBlack-n-Pack has full chapters and BlogSpot will just have the scenes. I hear they're taking down the more graphic stories here, so to be safe, the scene is there. I know it's annoying, but I'd rather not have this story deleted. And I also know there has already been sex in this chapter, but this scene got a lot more descriptive…)**_

* * *

___(Jacob's POV)_

I did the unthinkable: I offered to make Bella breakfast as I carried her back to bed. I mean, I literally cradled her bridal style and laid her down, telling her she needed to sleep immediately.

So, after squeezing in an hour or so of 'nap time' myself, Bella's stomach chose to rumble loudly. I knew she'd wake up soon, starving. I don't even know how I survived not eating last night. I guess she satisfied my appetite.

In fact, momentarily, I'd actually been weak in the legs and hips. I was worn out. I was good as new now though; moments of 'pain' never lasted long. Bella was getting the 'queen' treatment today. I wasn't letting her walk anywhere or sit somewhere that wasn't soft, unless it was on my cock…I mean yeah…_comfort_, yes. Comfort first.

She'd probably slap me, lightly so she wouldn't hurt herself, when she woke up, wondering why I'd left her alone.

I had to. She was exhausted and sore and weak and she was _too tempting_ to me. So when I stirred again, I skipped taking a shower so I wouldn't wake her and left the room immediately with only a glance; her back faced the side of the room with the door, hands tucked under her pillow, breathing evenly, head resting on top of her pillow- this delicious curve of her body was all I could see…so I made breakfast. Okay, I attempted to.

I retrieved eggs- eggs were easy, especially scrambled. Toast too…I could do toast. I dropped a few slices of bread in the toaster, messing with the buttons. The toast blackened, burnt, and I tossed it aside, pouting. I probably looked like a maniac, walking around Bella's minuscule kitchen naked, darting between the toaster, the stove, and the microwave, where I was cooking bacon, lots of bacon. I snacked the entire time, so I had to keep cooking.

The toast popped. It was slightly browned. Perfection, except she was sleeping peacefully. So, I ate for myself, waiting for a few minutes, pacing the kitchen, checking the room, hoping to not wake her.

What could I do to occupy my time…pancakes! I pulled out the mix, set aside more bread, bacon, and eggs, following the instructions displayed on the pancake mix sides.

I couldn't believe I was trying to cook. Billy, my father, who was confined to a wheelchair still managed to cook our meals. I'd picked up some from him and my sister, but I didn't know much besides basic breakfast, sandwiches, and…pasta.

I needed training. Bella would gladly assist. The woman could cook. Maybe she'd be kind enough to share some of her tips with me.

The curvy, blond shrimp decided to interrupt my cooking time, halfway through me mixing pancake batter, which decided to stick to my fingers.

* * *

_(Ashley's POV)_

Kyle and I returned earlier than anticipated, entering a very quiet house. We tip-toed in and he smacked my arm.

"Hey," I whispered harshly, glaring, slapping him back.

"Shh…" he placed his finger to his mouth, eyes raised upstairs, and he pointed.

My eyes widened and I nodded to the stairs. "Should I see is she's alive?" I said, one foot on the stairs.

Kyle was already headed to the kitchen. He nodded and winked. "You might…_see_ things, you know."

"Yeah, right," I scoffed, keeping my voice low. "The day Bella Swan has a naked guy in her apartment is that the day that…well…it's never happened. I think the most we got was Jeremy shirtless one time, but the fucker slept on the couch, if you recall, so it doesn't count"

He raised his hands. "You never know," he sniggered, guiding me a few steps upstairs before rushing into the kitchen to begin opening the store.

It took me far too long to reach the top floor and I crept through the halls with my arms tight at my sides, so I wouldn't send things toppling over on to the floor or bump into the walls. As I closed in on her apartment door, I heard a clatter of dishes and a deep, male voice cursing, "Shit!"

"Oh my fucking God," I giggled to myself and turned the knob. Unlocked. Really now…didn't Bella know better, especially after walking in on me topless making out with some guy I brought home with me last week, or catching Kyle watching porn about a month ago, or barging in on Angela having sex with a guy she dated back when we were in New York? Bella was usually the smartest when it came to locking the door. We never caught her doing anything naughty. We just _knew_.

I opened it slowly and my eyes zeroed in on her kitchen.

Jacob was here…and he was _a man_…in _Bella's apartment_…and he looked like he wasn't wearing much of anything, although the counters concealed his 'unmentionables.'

_Oh yummy._ I licked my lips. I don't think I really paid attention to Jake when he was shirtless…which sounds absurd because hello, hot body, but I think it was because all his friends were normally shirtless, for whatever reason. Thick blood or something. Of course I'd seen them shirtless maybe three times and it was pleasant outside…whatever. Not thinking about it.

I probably got too distracted by the tan, buff bodies flaunting themselves in front of me, so I couldn't focus on just one. Wait…had I actually seen him shirtless?

Bella was lucky. Oh God. Jake had a nice back and…whoa, hello abs! He'd turned around to the stove and cracked eggs that sizzled as he prepared another pan with pancake batter. I was suppressing laughs; I'd figured sooner or later he'd know I was watching.

8-pack abs, muscled back and full lips.

He was naked. I stopped in my tracks. He'd knocked a spoon off the side of the counter and he walked around it, cursing silently. He was _fucking naked_.

There was a fucking _naked man_ in **Bella's** apartment.

And, being the girl I was, I blushed and unabashedly allowed my eyes to roam over his form. He bent over to recover the spoon.

"You've got a nice ass."

He jumped up from the floor and hit his head on the underside of the countertop. He gingerly rubbed the back of his head, flinching, before eying me, smiling as he stood up. "You like what you see?" He motioned down to his fucking _dick_, I kid you not.

I wanted that body! Damn it, Bella! "That's nice to," I nodded and cackled. "Bella's a lucky, lucky bitch." It dawned on me that he was standing _naked_ and not giving a damn. My eyes met his. "You're fucking naked! Why are you standing there? I could jump you now, you know that, right?"

He went back to work and now that he was hidden I noticed his hands were covered in powder from the pancakes he'd mixed. His fingers were layered with grease from the bacon he was now putting in the microwave. "Hey, keep it down," he faced me. "She's asleep," he whispered, smiling.

I sat one of the stools behind the counter opposite him. Only I would be able to sit in the same room with a naked man as gorgeous as this one, and not do a thing about it. Mainly because this was Bella's apartment and he was, if I was guessing correctly, _hers_ again.

"Please, after what I've seen and that rocking body," I let out a whoosh of air, tapping the counter rhythmically with my fingers. "Bella's going to sleep just fine…" He smirked at my comment- it was smug. "You totally fucked her, didn't you?" I snickered, cupping my mouth.

"Shhhhh…And I didn't fuck her," he pointed at me with the spatula. My shoulders slumped. Then what the hell was he doing walking around in the nude? "I made love to her." He turned his eyes to the food, flipping over a pancake, smiling widely.

I instantly perked up. _'Bout time that bitch got laid!_ For a short pause, I spent way too much time looking at his hands. Bella used to talk about his hands a lot… "You know, I don't think I've ever had a normal conversation with a naked man before."

Jake glanced at me and winked. "Only I would be this comfortable in such a situation."

I stared at him, curious. "So, you have no problem that I was fucking you with my eyes earlier, or that I still am?"

He chuckled, eyes lowering as he turned down the stove. "I'm used to it."

"I wish you were single and not madly in love with my dear Bella," I sighed dramatically. He laughed- it was cute and bubbly- and his cheeks darkened. "Cause I'd be on that shit in ten seconds flat, bitch," I joked.

He laughed as quietly as he could given the hilarity of my comment.

"Jake…" A sleepy voice called and I heard Bella's bedroom door crack open. _Oops._ Jake grinned and turned around, dropping everything and washing his hands way too fast for normal, before walking around the edge of the counter towards the sound.

Bella was wearing a crinkled button-down shirt, Jacob's from the night before. It fell to her knees and she had the sleeves rolled up as well as a few buttons done up, holding it around her with one hand and rubbing her eyes tiredly with the other. Her skin was almost glowing, and her hair has that sexy 'just out of bed because I've been up all night having sex,' tousled look to it. She didn't even know I was in the same room as Jake's hands dropped to her waist and she wrapped her arms around his torso, kneading his back, smiling up at him.

Jacob had a nice smile…

I was reminded of those pictures I stumbled upon, and now I was lucky to be seeing those pictures brought to life, in the flesh. I could see this _love_ I thought only existed in those pictures, and I almost _fucking cried_ at the beauty of it. Knowing that despite all their troubles, these two saw a life partner in each other and they found their other half in _each other_. I was so envious. Would we all ever be that lucky?

I couldn't keep my eyes off that delicious ass that was facing me. Ugh, I needed to get laid. Quil seemed like a horn dog, so maybe he'd take me up on my offer.

Bella pulled Jake's head down for a kiss and his hands shifted to her thighs as the flaps of the shirt started to fall open.

Whoa. They were going to _get it on_ in front of me…

Where's the popcorn?

It was time to announce my presence and remind both of them someone else is in the room before time completely slipped through my fingers. Bella was getting into it, sliding her hands over his chest. Even he seemed to forget I was here. He gazed into her eyes and stroked her arms and sides. "I made you breakfast…but its breakfast in bed." He spoke in this sweet, raspy voice I'd never heard from his lips…like it was reserved only for her. "You're supposed to stay put." He stroked her cheek with his thumb.

She still didn't know I was present as she kept touching him. "But I woke up and you weren't there…"

I think I was too captivated from watching the two of them that I couldn't formulate words or even move. I don't' think I'd be able to handle myself is Jacob 'woke up.' I couldn't see that _part_ now, thankfully. He'd been 'asleep' when I arrived.

I was such a pervert. Kyle's to blame.

I was invisible. Jake kissed her nose, smiling. "I was…cooking. But, I'm sorry I wasn't there," he lowered his voice. "I should have been when you woke up."

Time to cut in, because she had this look in her eyes and uh…yep, she confirmed it… "I want you…" _Bella_ _Swan where did that voice come from!_ She sounded like a sex phone operator! Okay, I was seriously considering butting in to their 'intimate moment.' I can handle PDA, but this was bordering on voyeuristic sex. Time was definitely up with my 'keeping out of what's going on' because her hands were sliding dangerously close to…_Oh, hello!_

I cleared my throat. All at once, Bella's eyes flickered to me and she pulled away from Jacob, clutching his shirt around her, not after nearly exposing her chest to me. Her cheeks were stained with such a deep shade of red that I thought she was going to explode. She cupped her mouth. "Ashley! What are you doing?"

"I came to check up on you. The door was unlocked."

Jake raised his hands. "My bad, I got here in a hurry last night," he smiled at Bella and she smiled back, holding tightly on to his hand. She pulled away from him and her eyes widened.

"Oh my God," she started to panic. "Jake…you…what the fuck? You…uh…" She glanced back and forth between me and his crotch. "Jacob Black! Will you please put some shorts on…_fucking_…Jacob! Has it not occurred to you that you're…" she took a deep breath, "…_naked_?"

He looked down and shrugged. "Oh, I guess I am…Honey, I'll be good and put some clothes on…" He slipped a hand beneath her shirt. My mouth dropped. _Jesus Christ!_ She swatted at him, shoving his hand away, her mouth gaping like a fish. She shook her head and stamped her feet. "Now!" She crossed her arms.

"Yes, dear," He walked away. He squeezed her hips as he walked past her. "You're such a girl." He chuckled. He was already in her room before she could react.

Look at that strut…

"Ashley! Keep your eyes off my boyfriend's ass!" Bella was blushing.

"That's two perfect globes set on top of two glorious, muscled legs. Can you blame me for gawking like the female I am, sweetheart?"

She hesitated. "No," she shook her head, cringing as she perched her sexy little butt on the stool beside me.

_Don't think I didn't notice that._ I smirked. "Was it that good, honey?" Oh, I'd said that out loud? Oops.

Not.

Her skin flamed apple red again and her body faced me. "I don't know what you're talking about…" She looked away.

I elbowed her. "Yeah you do," I said suggestively, wiggling my eyebrows for effect.

She pushed me, hiding her face. "Shut up."

"I'm so jealous…the boy's got a body to die for. I'd tap that in a second is he wasn't yours."

"Yes," she puffed her chest out- pointing her finger at me. "He's mine. Don't forget, or I will…bitch slap you across the country."

She wasn't kidding.

Jake reemerged, wearing black briefs. Yeah, like that was any better. Did he fucking live in the woods or something and practice nudity as a cultural thing? Or did he just like being naked?

I needed a guy like that.

Bella eyed the food Jacob had been preparing. "Jake, you made this for me?" She spun around in the stool and grinned widely, wrapping her arms around him as he crouched beside her.

I stood up. "Well, Jacob, Bella." They veered around so they were angled towards me. "This has been…quite the eye-opening experience," I said, feigning a professional voice. "I see Mr. Black here…" I gestured to Jake. "…has things to tend to. I shall… excuse myself."

I went to hug Bella but backed away. She had a certain aroma one associates with sex. I'd hug her after she showered. She blushed, noticing I'd re-routed my movements, and she ducked her head in to Jake's shoulder.

I waved and disappeared through the door.

"Well then," I caught my breath as I greeted Kyle in the kitchen. "Looks like we got ourselves a new inhabitant."

* * *

_(Bella's POV)_

I hid my head in my hands the second Ashley left my apartment. "Oh God," I squeaked as I watched Jacob make a plate for me, licking his fingers clean of syrup. "Jake, it looks good and it smells delicious but…_Ashley saw you naked_!"

I was feeling possessive. I knew for a fact that Ashley was not a threat, but, _damn it_, I wanted his body all to myself from now on!

He shrugged. "So what. It happens, honey. Leah's seen me naked plenty of times when we phase together…"

I sighed heavily. "That's different!"

He smiled. "Now Ashley can…_fantasize_."

I shook my head, laughing without wanting to. "You sick man."

He snorted. "_You_ fantasized…who's to say every female in their teens and older can't fantasize about me too?"

"Arrogant…"

"Beautiful," he cooed, intending the comment for me.

I blushed, but I wasn't surrendering just yet. "Asshole…"

"Only occasionally," he teased.

"Sexual _animal_…"

"You love it," he taunted, seductively leaning over the counter.

"Conceited…"

"Should I not be?"

I laughed, loudly, clutching my stomach, cutting off abruptly. "Ow." I didn't mean to let it slip out, but it did. Those muscles had not been used this strenuously in a while. I placed my head in my hands.

Jacob was by my side in seconds, wrapping his wonderful, warm, miraculous hands around my waist. "Honey…I don't know how many times I can say I'm sorry…"

I let out a gasp of surprise as he lifted me. My arm looped around his neck and my legs around his waist as he scooped me up with one arm and carefully held me with the other before setting me down on the bed again. I smiled sleepily as I observed this wonderful man, _my Jacob_, prop me on the pillows and place a tray of the food he'd made for me across my lap. I was starving and a miniature feast of bacon, eggs, pancakes, toast, orange juice, and water lay before me.

Jake settled next to me and planted a warm hand on my stomach, right over my cramps as he shifted closer to me, lying down, keeping his hand in place, his arms to one side of me and his long body stretched behind him. I closed my eyes and took a steady breath as he slipped the shirt open, unbuttoning it so his palm was against my flesh. This whole situation-me in his shirt, unbuttoned, his body curled against me, the two of us cuddling, breakfast in bed…I wanted it like this every single morning when we woke up together.

I was touched he was acting as a heating pad; my cramps were waning.

I took a bite of the pancakes soaked with syrup- extra sweet, just the way I like them. "It's not just your size, Jacob." He blushed and ducked his head against my thigh, breath tickling me as he let out a small laugh. I'd blushed too, shocked I'd actually said that out loud without stuttering over it.

"Then what else is it?" He said against the side of my thigh. He peeked up at me.

His fingers skimmed over my stomach, raising the tiny hairs. "It's the orgasm, Jake. When a girl has a really good one, or the first one in a while it…the abdominal muscles," I clasped his hand with mine over his stomach. Our eyes watched our hands rise and fall with every breath I took.

"I know that," he laughed. "I don't like seeing anyone in pain, especially you."

I cupped his cheek, removing my hand from his. "You don't have to worry. It's an ache that I want because…" I ducked my head, blushing. "Its proof you were there and you and I…were together like _that_." My cheeks flushed. He lightly trailed his lips across my stomach, like butterfly wings flapping against me. "Thank you…your hands feel nice. And thank you for breakfast…you did a good job." I grinned.

He smiled and propped himself on his elbow, keeping one hand on my stomach as I ate, comfortable where I was. I was finished within a few minutes, and I set the tray aside. Sex builds an appetite.

"You know what I want someday…" Jacob whispered, expression showing he was beginning to drift into a daydream.

I cracked a joke, because his voice was so sincere and firm that I wasn't sure how to respond. "A copy of the Kama Sutra?" I giggled.

He snickered. "That would be nice…" His head rested on my stomach. "Imagine…trying out all those positions…we'd have to make a checklist and put little stars next to ones we wanted to try most."

I laughed loudly, almost choking on my orange juice. The flaps opened and my breasts were exposed, nipples peaking instantly from the cool air of the fan. Jake noticed and couldn't resist palming my breasts with his hands. I tensed with pleasure as his fingers tweaked them. Even I knew, as much as I wanted it, my body needed a break. He stiffened and rested his head on top of my breasts. My fingers threaded through his hair. "What do you want, Jake?" I whispered, kissing his forehead.

His eyes met mine. "Besides you?"

I smiled. "Besides me." He made me so happy. Everything about him- the way he looked at me or touched me or kissed me or made love to me…the way he _loved_ me, the way he was persistent with his pursuit of me, his whole motto of never giving up and his endless convincing and proving to me that I had so much more to look forward to in my life.

I waited for an answer. He was pondering what I'd said, trailing his fingers over my sides and back down to my stomach, moving his body so he repositioned his head, laying it on its side, against my stomach. My heart was pounding. The room was so silent that I could almost clearly hear our hearts beating. He slid his fingers over my stomach and deposited a few kisses there before glancing up at me. "I want to hear another heartbeat someday…in here…" His fingers flitted over my stomach. "One that belongs to something we created together…a child…_our_ child."

Silent tears dripped down my face. I wiped them away and he smiled, his eyes watering as well. "I want that too, Jacob," I whispered, pulling him into another kiss. "God, Jacob, I love you so much," I said against his lips.

He smiled, almost yanking me to him to deepen the kiss. "I love you too, but, you already know that."

"Someday," I said, looking into his eyes. "Someday we'll get that child…those _children_."

The sun dawned on Jacob's face at the thought of _children_.

Children with Jacob…like Naira and Levi, Sam and Emily's kids. Beautiful children with his skin and his smile…and maybe my eyes.

God, I wanted to marry him.

* * *

_Emily and Sam's house_

_La Push reservation_

_(Autumn's POV)_

It was fucking six in the evening and Bella and Jacob weren't here. Embry had left Jake about three messages this morning to remind him Emily and Sam had agreed to have a bunch of is over for dinner for Bella. We were properly thanking her for what she did- the sacrifice she made. Something Jacob and I demanded of the boys. And they're scared of me and can't disobey him, so it worked out just fine. Bella was going to eat a fucking feast with us. The biggest cake I'd ever seen was being made by Rachel and Rebecca as a last minute thing, with a simple 'thank you.'

It was difficult to make excuses to Charlie, who was dining with us. We pretended it was a big thank you to her for helping with Leah's wedding. I don't think he believed us, but he hadn't asked about it since, choosing to agree with us.

Bella needed to understand how much we appreciated what she did and how those who did mistreat her regretted it, not including me because I'd known the truth.

All of us were in attendance- the girls, the Pack, Sue, Charlie, Billy, _everyone_.

I was sprawled in the grass beneath a bunch of trees in the lawn, beside the porch, watching the storm come in. Embry's head was resting in my lap and I'd tilted my head back to catch the breeze. It wasn't hot, it was quite chilly and overcast, but it felt terrific.

Sam and the boys had recently extended his and Emily's porch; it was covered, and a huge space was available for seating for dinner. The clouds were about to part and we'd be drenched in minutes, so all of us were grateful for the house's extension.

Billy and Charlie were chatting beside us- Billy in his wheelchair and Charlie in a plastic lawn chair, both sipping beers. The others were scattered about, talking, laughing, sitting on cars and in chairs, a few inside Emily and Sam's house preparing food. Quil and Brooke were chasing Naira, Levi, and Claire.

Chimera had driven to the airport to pick up Julius. The asshole had missed Leah's wedding because his father had died. He'd flown to their estate in Canada to have everything signed over to him and to stay for the reading of the will. He'd called Chimera after the wedding and said his father gave everything over to him and her, and they could decide how to split it when he returned. Chimera's father hated her, so you can imagine both of their surprise. She'd been updating me and the others on what was going on. I was hoping Julius wasn't in a bad mood when he came back.

Rachel pulled up a chair nearby for Rebecca, who held onto her stomach and took a deep breath as she sat down. Billy watched them with a smile as Rebecca slapped away Rachel's hands and glared at her when she tried to help her.

Rachel rolled her eyes and walked away. "Bitchy, hormonal pregnant woman," she muttered, stomping up the steps to help Emily and Carmen in the kitchen. My eyes darted to Embry's as he flashed a smile, causing us to both burst out laughing.

"Where the hell are they?" Embry said, irritated.

I leaned in to plant an upside down kiss on his lips. "Likely having sex until they can't take it anymore," I said against his lips, smiling.

"Obviously," he chuckled, reaching his hand behind me and grabbing the back of my head to deepen the kiss.

"Children," Billy interrupted us. We pulled apart and laughed as he smirked.

"Keep it PG," Charlie finished, winking at us.

I giggled and Embry stretched and moved next to me, leaning back. He glanced at the 'old men' over his shoulder. I mimicked his position. "Oh come on, Charlie, Billy, I know you're just reliving the good ole days," Embry teased. I sniggered.

"What? You mean sneaking out late at night and 'making out' in the drive-in theatres in the mountains up the road?" Charlie said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Billy turned to him. "Today's youth is so…tainted now. What happened to hand holding as PDA? Now they seem to think they can kiss and 'make out' whenever they please." His tone was light- he was joking.

Charlie sighed dramatically. "You know…I recall you saying he'd get my daughter here at 3:00 pm…" He hilariously glanced at his watch, snorting and shaking his head, before taking another gulp of beer. "It's nearly 7."

Billy appeared to be deep in thought. I knew he wasn't; he was playing it off. Embry noticed and stifled a laugh. "We should consider putting up signs…"

Charlie arched an eyebrow. "Like missing person signs?"

"Precisely," Billy narrowed his eyes. "_'Young couple has been missing for close to 24 hours, so if you see any sign of these two people, please don't let us know…because we don't __**want **__to know_.'"

Charlie looked nauseated. "I couldn't have said it better myself." He guzzled his beer. Embry and I watched the exchange; _my man_ had fallen back to the ground, laughing.

Billy's body was rumbling as a deep laugh finally escaped his lips. "Come on, my friend," he said, sounding monotone. "You can't sit here and not say 'been there, done that.'"

Charlie chugged his beer and rolled his eyes. He let out a sound of disgust. "I really don't want to think about my daughter and…_damn_…" He rubbed his temples.

Billy patted his arm and stared off into the woods. "It's okay, my son's informed me he's always been safe…" Charlie gave him a look that should have scared him shitless, but Billy laughed it off. "My son and I _do_ talk you know."

"How in the world do I talk to my daughter about that?" Charlie said, exasperated, blushing. He reclined in his chair. "So, missing person sighs, eh?"

Billy had such a wonderful laugh- deep and rough. "Should I start printing them off? Big, bold lettering on neon paper?"

Charlie stood up, a playful smirk on his face. "I'll go fire up the computer…" He whirled around and sat back down, leaning into Billy, and patting his back. "No, I'm serious." He and Billy's perfectly placed masks cracked and they laughed, slapping their knees.

Embry was positioned on his stomach next to me, gazing up at me, terrified. I grinned. "What?"

"If both Jake and I decided to stop phasing, that's going to be us in about 40 years."

* * *

_(Bella's POV)_

The urge to slap my boyfriend (that's what he was, right?) was increasing as every second ticked by in the car ride to Emily and Sam's. Of course I knew from experience that hitting him wouldn't be smart on my part because I'd fracture or break some bones in my hand and he'd guilt himself over it until they healed.

But he was sexy and sweet and _infuriating_ with his…teasing! And I don't mean the good teasing, the type that put me on the edge in all the right ways, I mean the annoying type of teasing! I knew he was just messing around, and even I couldn't help but laugh, but he would not leave the topic of my…_toy_…alone, especially after I'd said…what I'd said. Damn him for making me stumble over my words- him and his cocky, sexy attitude and his ridiculously ripped body that'd been parading around my apartment, naked, _all_ day.

And now he was in a brown shirt and jean cut offs (when the hell did he find time to get more clothes?) with his arms mocking me with how gorgeous they were. I wanted to tear the clothes off him as I sat there fidgeting in my seat, wearing a white sundress Kyle had made for me a month or so ago. I'd purposely worn the dress today as a sort of tribute to the story Jake had told me last night. Plus I was sore everywhere and it was the loosest thing I could find.

Gazing out the window as the foliage passed by us in a blur as we drove, I couldn't help but smile and blush.

How could one person be so caring and attentive and so fucking selfless, especially when he'd been dying to 'get started' and 'fuck' me into oblivion? I'll have to properly thank him for his self-control, although hours of sex and hours of being in his arms seemed to do the job for me.

He'd been so considerate. He'd carried me down the steps in the building I lived in, hands tucked under my butt as I hooked my arms and legs around him. He wouldn't let me walk! And I'd already begun to feel better. Okay, that's a lie- the piercing pains were still present. Walking long distances wouldn't be smart. I prayed no one bumped into me the wrong way.

Ashley leered at us when we passed her. I'd flicked her off behind Jacob's back. She knew what he looked like naked! I blamed Jacob though- he'd been the last one to go through my apartment door last night and he hadn't locked it because he'd been in too much of a hurry to see me. Obviously, I'm not complaining, because last night turned out to be better than I expected than when I woke up yesterday morning. It'd escaped both of our minds. Time and the world didn't exist when I was in his arms.

I sound like a romance novel, but it's the truth.

I was slipping into my white ballet flats, a pair I'd only worn when I felt like being lazy. I hadn't worn them since I was, like, 16 years old. And they didn't fit. I'd shifted in my seat, trying to put them on; watching Jake's body shake from silent laughter as his eyes _happened_ to fall on me. It was kind of hard not to notice my movements since I was thrashing around like a fish on dry land, hoping I'd not suffer the same disappointment Cinderella's step-sister's had.

You can imagine what this gorgeous, asshole of a man decided to say next, just when I thought he'd finished tormenting me about my _personal moments_. "Not big enough, Bella, honey?"

I'd been slow at first, too focused on my shoes so I responded with, "Sadly, yes. I love these too…" And then I cut off, processing what he'd said and I glared at him.

He laughed hard, and I tossed a shoe at him. He caught it easily and threw it back, smiling. "Nice try, but you can't blindside a werewolf, Bella."

I narrowed my eyes. "You were watching me the entire time, so it's not like I could even blind side you if I tried. And for that…" I crossed my arms, mouth curving into a pout. "You're not getting any for at least four hours…I mean, _nothing_."

He laughed louder. "We'll see how long that lasts. You know you can't resist me for too long."

I smirked. "Hey, I survived for four fucking years." I flung the pair of shoes into the backseat, deciding I'd go barefoot. I tucked my legs beneath me, resting my arm on the door. "I can last four hours."

"Bullshit…The largest break we'd had in the past 24 hours has been three hours. Good luck making four."

"You watch…I will."

Of course I wouldn't. I wouldn't be surprised if I decided to drag him behind his car during dinner and perform tricks with my mouth on a certain part of his body. I didn't know if I'd be able to sleep a full night without touching him sexually or being with him sexually for at least a week or so. And Jake was like the Energizer bunny…he keeps going…and going…

I should see a shrink. Jake and I could do couples therapy together in the sex addiction wing, if they had one.

Jake decided to be a fucking devil again. He perked up, adjusting the knob on the CD player as he put in a CD. "Oh, this is a good song…"

I had to laugh at him…until he turned the volume high and rolled back the cover of the car with a few swift clicks of the button above us, front and center, as we drove into a rather busy intersection at the edge of the mountain I lived on. I was fine, feeling the fresh air and clearly hearing the sounds of the new day, until my mind allowed me enough time to process that the song blasting through the speakers was a sped up version of Trey Songz' 'Neighbors Know My Name,' almost a club mix, and Jake was singing the lyrics, horribly, knocking on his steering wheel with one hand while his other hand still held onto my hand.

My mouth gaped open as I sunk into the seat as the passengers of the cars around us gawked at us.

The chorus started and Jake cheerfully recited the lyrics.

_I bet the neighbors know my name_

_Way you screamin scratchin yellin,_

_Bet the neighbors know my name_

_They be stressin while we sexin,_

_I bet the neighbors know my name_

_My name my name_

"Oh my God," I buried my head in one of my hands, squeezing his hand as hard as I could, not that he'd notice. I tried to remove my hand but he only squeezed it tighter. I lifted it up, resting it against my forehead and closing my eyes, mouthing into his hand, "I'm going to kill you."

He pulled down his sunglasses. "No you're not."

"Fine," I mumbled. "I'm going to fucking castrate you."

"No, you wouldn't. What would you do? You'd…suffer. I'm also rather fond of every part of my body, particularly that one, and you're quite fond of it too." I caught him wink beneath his sunglasses.

"You..." I growled and smiled at him, incapable of keeping a straight face.

He was in such a good mood. As much as I was embarrassed, I couldn't stay that way because if he was happy, I was happy, the happiest I'd been in a while and… let's just say the two girls sitting in the car next to us were giving me the evil eye. Jealous bitches.

I smiled widely at them, mouthing, "It's true," as Jacob wailed the chorus again. I faced him, pleased as the girls sped off. Jacob was singing to me now. I brought our entwined hands to my lips as he accelerated, glancing at me. "Jake," I laughed, blushing. "Eyes on the road." I squeezed his hand.

He obeyed. "You know your friends are going to say something, I'll be over there so much."

I was delighted at the idea of him visiting frequently and I knew 'banging' would occur when they were there. I had to learn how to keep my mouth shut when they were all home. My friends would subject me to so much torture if they heard anything. "Jake, you're in a good mood. It must be because you got laid," I teased.

"Oh definitely…no doubt," he said, resting his arm on the window sill. "That's not it," he leaned in to kiss me.

I pushed his face away. "Eyes on the road, _babe_," I warned.

He stuck his tongue out but returned to his earlier position, tightly gripping my hand. "I don't need to explain why I'm in a good mood, or why I'm happy. All that needs to be said is you're here, with me, and no fucking thing is going to pull us apart, ever again. I am promising that." He stroked the back of my hand.

I smiled, warming up pleasantly again. "I know. I honestly think that this is it…we're just going to go uphill from here, like we've deserved all along." I kissed the back of his hand. "I love you, even if you tease me about the 'gift' Ashley gave me."

He beamed. I'd never get tired of that smile. "I love you too, but I'm going to keep teasing you until you show me how you use that thing on yourself."

My mouth dropped open. I was appalled. "Jacob _fucking_ Black."

"Bella _fucking_ Swan," he mimicked

"I…" I clamped my mouth shut, blushing. "I love you." I smiled.

"You said that already."

I arched a brow. "Do you want me to stop saying it?"

He gave me _my_ smile. "No, never."

* * *

_Sam and Emily's house_

Walking up the drive, Jacob informed me that this dinner was for me, to thank me for my sacrifice and thank Autumn for her 'power,' something Jake explained they hadn't had a chance to do because of the events with Leah's wedding.

I almost cried.

And I continued to hold back tears as each one of them greeted and thanked me. If they chose to hug me, tears began to pool in the corners of my eyes.

I'd even received a hug from Billy, who asked me to step aside with him. He told me he was thankful I was back, emphasizing how my return had boosted my father's mood and given Jacob what he wanted. He said he hated seeing him miss me. I'd kissed him on the cheek just for that and smiled.

Dinner was served on Sam and Emily's back porch. It was extended- it's been built on to, so it could easily fit several tables for us to eat at. They'd arranged the tables in two rows and we retrieved our food from the counters in the kitchen. There was so much room on the porch that a space was empty, where a few friends were dancing to the tunes coming from a CD player on the ground tucked away in a corner.

Sam and Emily's house had not changed since I last saw it. It had such a native feel to it, like I remembered with the wood furnishings, the earthy tones, the wind chimes, the paintings, the picture frames, even the scent.

It was such a beautiful night. The sun was almost completely hidden below the horizon and strings of light were woven throughout the house, porch, and around the driveway so ordinarypeople could see. I'd smiled the entire time and Jake's hand only left mine briefly so I could hug a few companions and serve myself food.

Sam and a few others said a thank you speech to Autumn and I. She sat beside me, Embry on her other side, Jake on the other side of me. The speech heavily hinted at why we'd actually done what we did and what happened, but with enough 'censorship,' so Charlie, the only one out of the loop, couldn't pick up it. He was off in a corner with Sue anyways, only looking up occasionally at Sam or to send a loving grin my way.

I felt like I belonged, like nothing had changed. I didn't know it was possible, but it was. How did these guys do that?

After enjoying dinner, the girls managed to drag me away in the house, while Jake and the guys, as well as the kids, chose to mosey around the yard, talking and drinking sodas or the occasional beers.

The girls and I were in the house, with the windows and doors wide open as the guys searched for wood and started to light a fire, performing some sort of crazy dance, definitely not an _actual_ tribal dance, around it when the flames began to climb towards the sky.

Charlie, Billy, and Sue and a few of the 'parents' sat on the porch, watching from a far, laughing.

I couldn't describe the atmosphere. 'Family' seemed like a good word for it.

Chimera and Julius arrived as dessert was being served. The boys battled over the cake and pies like starved children. Quil eventually got a crème pie smashed in his face and we'd erupted in laughter.

Julius looked happier and Chimera was beaming, looking comfortable in a sweatshirt and snug jeans. It was a fitted jacket and it was open to show her gorgeous, low cut, gray, loose shirt beneath it. I figured the girl would never wear a sweatshirt like I did.

There wasn't an awkward silence when they arrived. Julius, who'd been 'mingling,' looked exhausted. Jet lag. Apparently there'd been such a bad storm that the pilot had to circle the airport in Canada for about two hours before his flight landed, and they had to circle Seattle's airport for the same amount of time. He said hello to everyone with a handshake, hugs for a few of the girls, and a kiss for Carmen. Chimera was welcomed the same way. I stood off to the side wondering how I should act around her.

I hadn't expected it to get so cold. I was wearing Jake's leather jacket he seemed to always keep in his car, or on his motorcycle, whichever he felt like driving. It was huge on me, so I'd wrapped it tightly around me, inhaling the scent of leather and _Jacob_. He'd sweetly draped it over my shoulders after the sun had set, kissing my forehead. Barely noticeable things like that gave me butterflies.

Chimera approached me after the girls and I danced on the dance floor, where we'd bumped and grinded as the guys cheered, calling out a few inappropriate comments. Thank God the 'adults' had disappeared inside.

"So, I take it things went well." Chimera shivered and zipped up her jacket.

"Yeah, they did…" I bit my lip, looking down, remembering last night. I'd been good. I'd resisted the urge to touch Jacob the entire time we'd been here. It was quickly approaching the four hour mark he'd challenged me to and my body was starting to get that pleasurable sensation again as I watched him converse with the guys out of the corner of my eye.

"Did you want to go for a walk?" Chimera interrupted my thoughts, drawing my attention back to her. I narrowed my eyes. "I assumed you and I needed another talk and I wanted to speak with you away from the guys, who are likely eavesdropping at this moment."

I chuckled. "Are you going to beat me up?"

She snickered. "No. I have no desire to harm you. I just…we haven't talked alone in a while and I had some things I wanted to tell you. I talked to Jacob and Julius about it…" So, that's what the phone call he'd taken before dinner had been about. "But, I wanted to talk to you next before I let everyone else know. The three of you are the ones I care about most."

I smiled warmly. "Okay. A walk it is then." I took her hand in mine and we walked past the guys, who called out a few sarcastic remarks our way. I squeezed Jacob's waist and gave him a smile as I leaned in close to Chimera and we strolled down the driveway.

We weren't far enough to not hear Quil say to Jacob, "Now, that is some fucked up shit, man. One, minute they're at each other's throats and the next second their buddy-buddies. What the fuck did you do?"

I laughed.

Julius's car was our destination and it was parked at the end.

"Where the hell is Brian? " I actually missed the guy and his inability to hide his sarcasm and arrogance!

She laughed loudly, leaning against Julius's van. "Have you checked your phone at all today, Bella?" I shook my head, blushing, knowing exactly why I hadn't. "Sweetie, he left you, like, three messages and called twice as much as that before he gave up trying to get in touch with you."

I immediately jogged to Jake's car right across from us, digging for my phone in my purse, pulling it out and finally turning up the volume, noticing the battery was almost dead. Several missed calls from my wonderful, curious friends (_sarcasm implied, folks_) and Brian.

I skipped over all the messages, most of them featuring the girls teasing me about what, no, _who_ I was doing. I finally got to Brian's voice mails. I listened to them as I spun around and walked back to Chimera, crossing my arms as another icy breeze whipped past us.

"Yo, Bella…yo, yo…yo, Bella," I giggled as Brian began his first message with a rap. "Give me a call, sugar. I've got something to tell you. I won't make it to your 'special dinner," his sarcasm slipped through at the end. The man could not finish a sentence without it. The message was from 6 am.

The next voicemail was from 9 am. "Hey, Bella, sweetheart," he cooed, exaggerating the sickly sweet tone in his voice. "Stop fucking Jacob enough to say goodbye to me. Who knows when I'll see your _fine _ass again…"

I blushed. Brian's final message was left at 4 pm- when Jake and I had finally decided to shower and emerge from our 'cave.' I'd actually forced him to shower separately because we needed to be at this dinner.

I listened to the message. "Bella, it's going to be hard, but I'm going to try to say this message in the most straightforward, sarcastic free, and innuendo-less way possible." He scoffed. "I don't think it'll last though." He cleared his throat, prolonging it unnecessarily on purpose. I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Chimera watched me, laughing. "I had to catch a flight today to fucking New York. I just landed. So, sorry I missed the dinner. Tonight, Jeremy's got a show I almost forgot about and I have to be there for my brother. I'm sure you understand," he sighed dramatically. "It's his big break and I convinced a record label in the area to give him a deal if the show is a success and if I would have dinner with them and him, talking my brother up to the best of my ability. So, you know, family's first. But, I guess I should join in the choruses of thank you's." His sarcasm was back. "And so thank you for whatever the fuck it is you did. I've heard snippets, not the whole story. I didn't get a chance to say good bye to you. I stopped by Sam and Emily's to see the others earlier. I had to catch a flight at 11. I'm definitely seeing you again, babe, make sure I get a fucking invite to you and Jake-boys wedding…" his voice turned sweet. "I want to see you finally getting that happy ending you two deserve… because, shit, that sexual tension and 'love' between you two made me miss my girlfriend even more. Fuck monogamy." Ah, Brian was back…again. "I'm proposing to her the next time I see her…should be this weekend." I smiled. "So, fuck yeah, send me that invite. I'm going back to finish my Doctor's at Washington State in January. I'll definitely be there and I'll make my grand entrance…" I chuckled. I loved this guy. Everyone needed a friend that could easily make them laugh. "Shit…this piece of shit timer on this voicemail is about to run out…" His voice was far away as he pulled the phone away and cursed it, "Fuck you!" His voice was close again. "Where was I? Oh yeah…give me a call if you can climb off of Jacob's dick for a few seconds." I rolled my eyes again, blushing. "I'm just kidding. Not really…" He laughed. "Love you, Bella-boo…see you later." The message ended.

"Well then…" I tucked the phone in Jake's jacket's pocket, facing Chimera, smirking. "I guess I owe someone a call. He can wait," I giggled. A short pause passed as I walked towards her, closing the space between us, so I wasn't in the middle of the road. "Chimera, I should thank you for pushing Jacob to me," I whispered, strengthening my voice as I continued, "I can't believe…did you really tell him he needed to see me and you didn't want to see him until the dinner, or later?"

She nodded, chewing on her lower lip. "Yes."

I released a breath I'd been holding. "That must've been so hard."

She shrugged and her eyes lowered to the ground. "You know…it was, because I love him and he's not something I wanted to let go of, but I knew he loved you more and I couldn't…I _wouldn't_ get in the way of that. I couldn't compete. I knew that. I told you that. I was actually pissed off he hadn't left with you." She sniggered. "Can you believe it?" Her eyes met mine.

I smiled. "Not really…but, you did…" I fiddled with my fingers, nervous again. "I wouldn't have been able to let him go. Leaving him, it was a mistake, but I had to do it at the time and I didn't think he and I…I didn't think we'd ever get another chance after everything. The idea that you helped give us that chance was almost unheard of, but that's what I believed. I don't have words. Just…thank you," I gazed into her eyes. "Thank you," I enunciated the words, drawing them out.

"You're welcome, and…" She stepped away from the car, standing across from me. "It's how things were supposed to be…" A moment of silence passed. I drew designs in the dirt with my bare toes. "So," she began. I glanced up at her. "I take it my plan worked. How was last night?" She gave me an all-knowing, suggestive look.

I laughed nervously, rubbing my hands over my face and threading my fingers through my hair. "Absolutely amazing," I squeaked. "I-I feel so good." I cupped my mouth, shocked as she threw her head back laughing. "Sorry."

"Whatever," she batted her hand at me. "I know how good he, uh, can make a girl feel." She fucking_ blushed_.

"Oh my God," I said, closing my eyes. "We should stop now."

She nodded her head in agreement, holding back a laugh. "We should." She unleashed the laugh and I joined in.

"Oh God," I wiped the tears of laughter from my eyes. "Changing the subject, right about…" I took a deep breath. "Now." I cleared my throat. "Julius was nice to me tonight. I mean, he seriously mouthed a 'thank you'. What was that about?"

Chimera smiled sadly. "Our father died."

My mouth dropped. I didn't know what to do except apologize. "I'm sorry."

She waved her hand at me. "It's fine. He wasn't really a good father, or a good man, but Julius went to the funeral and it turns out 'daddy' gave us everything in the will; he split it between us equally. Julius and I are going back to Canada in a few days to work out the estate sale- pick out the things we want and sell the rest, including the house. Neither one of us wants the ranch, as beautiful as it is."

"What about your mother?"

"She's dead. She died about a year ago…drug overdose."

"Chimera," I leaned against the car beside her. "This isn't fair to you. I don't even understand…I can't even _fathom_ how you've made it through all of this."

"Jacob, mainly," she faced me, collecting her hair over one shoulder. "And my friends, you included. I told you my life has been better since I got here. I couldn't ask for anything more."

I stared at her for several seconds. "Jake was right- you're strong."

She nodded. "Yeah, I am. Strong enough to let go of the one thing that changed my life."

I felt so…sorry for her. But as sad as the conversation seemed to me, Chimera was _happy_.

"The fact that our father died…it's _uplifted_ Julius. He always felt like he had to live up to dad's expectations. Also, the fact that the three things that made my life miserable- my careless father, my inconsiderate, drug addicted mother, and my filthy ex-boss- are gone, I'm…freed, like Julius."

I was speechless. I kept my mouth shut and let her continue.

She pushed off the car and walked around, facing me, hands on her waist. "I got into Ohio State University. I'm moving there soon. I start the term this coming summer, but I snagged another modeling deal. It's a campaign for a huge clothes line in that area, so I'm moving away in a few months. Julius has already scoped out an apartment for me. I'll only be back when I'm invited. Julius and Carmen are moving away too…they plan to, at least. They stayed in a hotel in Los Angeles, California on their 'tour of the world,' which included key stops in the U.S., and they fell in love with the area. Everyone's moving on and it's scary, but it's amazing at the same time."

"You don't have to leave, Chimera," I whispered.

"I got into Ohio State, Bella! I'm going to major in Business. I can own my own company one day," she said, throwing her hands up and spinning around, eyes wide with excitement. "I never, in a million years, thought my life would turn out like this! It's…fucking wonderful."

"I'm happy for you, Chimera." And I was, really, with all my heart. "But, I-I feel like you're leaving because of Jake and me."

"Bella," she placed her hand on my arms, standing in front of me. "This has been a plan for months. Jake was fine letting me pursue my dream. At the time, it was before you returned; we had no plans to split up. We were going to try the long-distance thing. I knew it wouldn't last if we did, but I'd still leave, even if you never came back. The fact that you're here is not going to change anything. I'm still going, and I'm going alone now. I'm going to go out in the big world by myself, again, but for all the right reasons. And, who knows…" she lowered her voice. "Maybe I'll be in class one day, or at a show, or walking down the street, at my job, wherever, and I'll meet my Jacob Black. I'll find the 'Jacob to my Bella.'"

I smiled widely and blushed, pulling her into a hug. My small frame actually made her squeak I'd squeezed so tightly. I fought back tears…_good_ tears. "I'm so proud of you," I murmured as she pulled away, keeping her hands on mine and smiling.

I felt him before I saw him. Jake was walking up the road towards us with my father, Billy, and Sue who were turning in for the night. "Hope I'm not interrupting anything," Jacob said, sliding up beside me and pulling me to him so I was crushed against his chest, rubbing my cheek against his shirt.

"Na," Chimera waved him off.

He pulled away from me. "So, you told her?"

"Yes." She playfully punched his chest.

Charlie tugged me into his arms for another hug, making me promise to meet him for lunch tomorrow. I promised I'd make lunch for him and he could be at my place around 12-12:30.

He kissed the top of my head and returned to Billy, yelling, "If you're decent, I'll be on time. But, you might want to call me to forewarn me," over his shoulder as the three of them walked on. _Seriously?_

Jake and I said our goodbyes to Chimera. The _actual_ goodbye would be saved for later when she left to start the internship in Mid-January. I called Brian on the way back to my house and left him a message, letting him know I had successfully 'removed myself from my boyfriend's dick' long enough to call him, and he should call soon because I was 'ready to hop back on.' I'd glanced at Jake in the driver's seat as he shifted gears. I caught the red flush forming on his neck, cheeks, and face.

My mother had called earlier, something that had escaped my mind for the evening. I wouldn't get a chance to spend Christmas here, which disappointed Jake, but I said it was because I'd planned to be at my mother's for Christmas and New Years this year. Jake said I needed to convince my mother to let him come with me, because he refused to spend another Christmas without me, even if I couldn't spend it in Forks and La Push. I'd called her the next morning and she agreed, stating one condition: Jake and I must behave ourselves, or she was going to force the embarrassing sex talk upon the both of us- two people in their _20s_.

We did behave during our visit there, with only a few rendezvous in Jake's Mustang or on the beach out of sight of my mom's house. Before I knew it, time was flying by…and I'd never been happier.

I was anxiously awaiting Jacob to propose to me, because I wanted my white wedding…

And I never thought I'd say that.


	34. Eternity

Disclaimer: blah blah Stephenie Meyer. Lyrics: 18 Days- Saving Abel. The songs at the New Year's party are all mentioned when they play and a playlist for them can be found on my YouTube account or JB-n-Pack account for this story- both linked in my profile.

(A/N: Thanks to **ForeverDreamland, I'llBeWaitingInTheWings, Imaginary Heart, goose14226**, and **Nahele** for the song recs- the songs you rec'd a while ago are featured =) _Pimping:_ **Please join my JB-n-Pack group for the story**- I post teasers, graphics, etc there and the story is also there if something happens to it here_. _All **graphics for several scenes and events in this chapter are there to give you visual reference**. Check out the pretties! **Links in my profile!**)

(**Other:** I have no experience with babies/children, so forgive me if Rebecca's son is doing things he shouldn't be doing at the ripe old age of less than a year old, okay? I did research but…yeah. **MORE** **Playlist info:** I'm not demanding you listen to the songs as you read, but they do set the mood. So, if you don't listen to all of them as you read, **I BEG you, at least listen to the following songs when they're mentioned: Beautiful- Akon, Lovestoned- Justin Timberlake, and Let's Get Married- Jagged Edge**)

* * *

**Chapter 32: Eternity**

_You show me what it means to live_

_You give me hope when I was hopeless_

_As my days fade to night_

_I remember that state of mind_

_I'm soaring straight into your heart_

_And I'll fly high_

_Over one year following Jacob and Bella's official reunion_

_A few days before Christmas_

_Swan Residence_

_(Jacob POV)_

I'd never actually done this before.

See…last time the situation involved a commitment ring, and we all know how that turned out. Then, I'd discussed it with Charlie in the presence of Billy, Rachel, and Rebecca.

Now…this was different. It was the same ring; I'd scrounged it up from my father's drawer with his permission, but now, I had to man up and do this the right way- the real way- which called for a one on one with Charlie seeking his permission.

I was proposing- not simply stating 'we'll get married several years down the road.' No. I was going to ask Bella to marry me. We'd both agreed years ago before she left for New York that we didn't want to get married until we graduated college. I would be done with college in just under six months. And according to the 'rules of engagement,' normal couples tried to be engaged for six months, a test to see if they could make it to the wedding…or so I'd been told.

I was going to marry Bella Swan in six months, I was sure of it.

I just had to figure out how to do this. Charlie was the first obstacle to face.

I'd been standing outside his front door for a good 15 minutes, worried for God knows what. Nervous, my legs shaking…like a damn puppy.

I heard him calling from within, approaching the door. "Jacob, how long are you going to stay out there?" The door opened as he spoke the last word.

I immediately put on a toothy grin, hoping to conceal my nerves as Charlie placed a hand on his hip and stared up at me. "Good morning, Charlie." I stuck my hand out and he shook it.

"Jacob…" His tone had a curious twang to it and he eyed me suspiciously. "What brings you to my neck of the woods? Change of plans for Christmas?"

"No. That's still a go, but it does have to do with that."

A short pause passed as he tried to decipher it my expression. He stepped aside. "Come on in."

Sue had done wonders for Charlie; the house was clean and organized. I had to joke to weaken the tension. "You sure I won't run into Sue? Is she hiding somewhere around here?" I hilariously peeked around corners.

Charlie chuckled. "No, she left late last night. It's all good…no brain scarring necessary."

I grinned. "Do you mind?" I gestured to the couch.

He shrugged. "Go ahead."

I sat down and my legs started quaking. I clenched my knees with my hands hoping to stop the shaking, but that made it more obvious, because now my arms were vibrating.

Charlie narrowed his eyes and plopped down in the huge arm chair across from me. Shit…now _I_ felt intimidated. Charlie gave me a stare that made me think he knew what was going on.

_Whatever. Talk, Jacob. Only you would be unnerved by Bella's father._

Well, that's the reason why- _he's her __**father**_.

What's that saying? Something about taking the plunge or you'll never say what you need to say? Heregoes nothing. "I…Well…I…" I slapped my knees with my hands repeatedly. _Spit it out, idiot_. "I want to propose to Bella on Christmas when we have dinner at my family's house."

His eyes widened and his mouth formed into an 'Oh.' "Um…" He sat forward, hands on his knees. By now, I was bending over with my elbows resting on my lap. "Like, officially ask mydaughter to marry you? No…commitment rings for 'four years down the road'?"

"Yes. It's the same ring, but she's wearing it for a different reason. She hasn't worn it since she left so many years ago and she hasn't seen it since then too." I was on a roll. No more pauses. I spit out everything I had to say before I could stay silent for too long. "She wanted to be married after we both graduated college. She said that all those years ago and I haven't forgotten." _Maintain eye contact, Jake, don't look away_. That could be a sign of mistrust or distaste or whatever Charlie could interpret it as. "So…yes, I want to marry her after my graduation, which is in May. My father and sisters are completely for the proposal, ecstatic really, and all I ask is for you to accept my request for your daughter's hand in marriage."

Charlie placed his chin in his hand, thinking over what I'd said. Oh no_._ I braced myself for his answer. "You really love my daughter don't you?"

I was shocked. How could he even doubt that?

Oh…he didn't doubt it. He wasn't really asking, he was simply 'speaking the truth.' I saw what he was doing; he wanted to hear it from me. "Yes, I do, more than anything. She's a huge part of my life now. I can't see myself without her again. I love her. I have for a quite some time now. I may not have all the riches the Cullen's had…" I spat out _his_ family's name; I couldn't help it. It was instinctive. "But, she doesn't care about that. She's got a job that pays damn well and I have a fairly decent job since the business is steadily growing…"

Charlie waved his hand, silencing me. "Jacob, the money isn't a problem. Yes, I'd like you and my daughter to be financially stable, but that doesn't require you to be wealthy. She's got money from his family when she needs it. I know how much you love her. I'm pleased with this, more than that I'm happy that you're doing this. When she's with you, she has this smile that lights up her face and I love seeing that. She loves you just as much as you love her. I can't imagine her with anyone else. I don't think I ever really have."

A smile covered my face. "Uh…so, are you…?"

Charlie stood and hitched his jeans up. He met my eyes as I rose across from him. "Jacob, why would I ever say you can't marry my daughter? I've always wanted her with you, so has Renee, definitely Billy and Sarah." He smiled sadly as his thoughts drifted to my mother. "And Bella…she's herself around you. She doesn't seem like a different person like she was with Cullen. Your family loves her, so do your friends, and Renee and I adore you and your family, so of course it's a yes; permission granted for you to ask my daughter to marry you." He eyed me curiously. "You didn't knock her up, did you?"

My mouth dropped and I blushed, shaking my head. "No, she's not…we…uh…we use…protection. Yeah."

Charlie's smile faded…wait…he'd been smiling? And now his face was pale."I was just kidding." He cleared his throat. "Too much information…" He whispered, sounding quite disturbed.

I couldn't believe I'd said that. Not that Charlie was unaware, but he really didn't need to know any details.

"Uh…see you then?" He gave me a small smile, trying to ease the awkwardness of the situation, but there was still that 'I will kill you if you do something to my daughter' look in his eyes.

I snapped out of my daze and nodded enthusiastically, mouth splitting into a huge grin. "Yeah, see you then."

* * *

_Christmas Day_

_The Black's House_

_La Push Reservation_

_(Bella's POV)_

I was nervous.

This was the first Christmas I'd finally be spending with the Black's and my father together. A part of me feared a repeat of the year I left Forks, even if I knew that wouldn't happen. It'd been so far etched in my brain that when it came to the forefront of my mind, I'd visibly react to it- a twitch, or a sound of pain or disappointment, whatever. But I'd been happy for a year now. I was looking forward to this.

It'd be Jacob, Rachel, Billy, Charlie, Rebecca, her husband, Isaac, and their baby boy, Kale- the first time any of us would be seeing the kid.

Yeah…it took me this long to pick up her husband's name.

Paul and Rachel were in another fight, so he wouldn't be coming. It was how it usually went with them: they'd be furious with each other one day and the next day he'd be at her doorstep begging for her to come back, even though they were always together, never officially splitting. It was starting to get old. Everyone knew they'd be together forever, so it was almost hilarious.

Christmas season so far had passed flawlessly.

Because Charlie and I would be spending Christmas with the Black's, we'd had a huge brunch with the Clearwater's and Brooke on Christmas Eve. Sue and Charlie, after all this time, had been openly in a relationship for about a year now. It went by smoothly; I helped Sue cook and Leah and Seth tried everything we made, giving their opinions. I'd been spending a lot of time with the Clearwater's because of Sue's connection to my father. At first, and Charlie and I had talked about this, he'd been scared of stepping into their lives as someone Sue was in a relationship with. He knew there was no way he'd replace Harry, and he didn't want to. Seth and Leah were very fond of him though, which was good.

I finally got the chance to attend Sam and Emily's annual Christmas party dinner. I was able to be with these people, happily, in this town, with no fear of having to leave weighing me down. That dinner had been eventful- the Pack, their significant others, and basically the entire Reservation attended, at least those close to Sam and Emily. I couldn't keep track of all the people Jacob introduced me to, or even the people I knew. Some, like Autumn, I only saw in passing.

I was so full after that I didn't think I could stomach anymore food. Now, I was walking up the pathway to the Black's house Christmas night and I was suddenly starving. Charlie strode up behind me to be by my side, placing his arm around my shoulder. A frigid breeze brushed past us and I tucked my jacket tight around me over the dress my mother had bought me, hoping to warm up even a fraction. She'd shipped my gifts to me and this dress was one of them- a short, thin-strapped, black, pleated, flowing piece with silver jewels arranged in a line around my body beneath the bosom. Autumn's pendant she gave me when I left years ago rested against the hollow of my neck, and Jacob's bracelet, the one I forced myself not to wear for many years, was proudly displayed on my wrist. I kept my hair down and it was still wet from my shower. I'd spent the night at Charlie's.

I almost gave my father one of those 'what the hell are you doing' looks, but I chose to lean into his side instead, wrapping an arm around his waist and grinning up at him.

Charlie and I had never been very affectionate together. Hanging out with the Pack and being in a relationship with Jacob had taught me to be more affectionate than I ever had been, so I welcomed Charlie's embrace. Besides, he'd been almost clingy today, like I was going to disappear. It'd only started two days ago, but I dealt with it. He'd missed me…or maybe it was something else. "Dad," I said, releasing my arm from around him to elbow his side. "What's going on? You're kind of freaking me out a bit."

He was silent for a moment and shook his head, willing whatever thoughts he had away.

_Oh no_. I softened. His expression told me he wasn't heartbroken, just thinking deeply about…something. It bothered me that I had no idea what was running through his head. "It's hard to explain. You'll see…" He stepped ahead of me and knocked on the door. I held my pumpkin pie and blueberry cobbler close to me, glaring at the back of Charlie's head, trying to read him. Maybe if I glared hard enough he'd tell me what was on his mind…

A few seconds later, the door opened and Christmas classics, as well as the smell of a crackling fireplace and honey ham baking, invaded my senses.

Rachel had opened the door and was clothed in a long sleeved, deep red sweater dress that fell to her mid-thighs with a black, thick leather belt through the loops around her waist, complimenting her curves perfectly. Her hair was in neatly styled curls and a blinding smile crossed her painted red lips as she greeted us. "Merry Christmas!" She leaned up to kiss Charlie on the cheek as he hugged her, squeezing her firmly.

I followed him inside and slipped off my jacket after Rachel took the food from my hands. "Hello, Bella." She yanked me into a hug, shaking me around as I clung to her back, laughing.

"Looking good…as usual." She snickered. "Nice dress," she called over her shoulder as she set the dessert in the kitchen.

"My mother bought it for me." I chuckled and hung my coat up. "And Jacob sent me a text message out of the blue that said 'dress nicely'" I used quotations, pretending I was annoyed with having to wear the dress, when I really wasn't. I felt gorgeous in it. "So, I figured why the hell not?" I heard her beautiful laugh as she ambled back into the living room.

I entered the living room, intercepted by a not-pregnant Rebecca, wearing a form-fitting, pleated red dress, proudly showing off the wonderful body she still had after birthing a baby. She was curvier, but she'd never been skinny, so lucky her. Isaac, her husband, greeted me as well before Rebecca grabbed my hand and led me to the center of the living room, directly in front of the Christmas tree, which had several gifts positioned beneath it. The cutest boy I'd ever seen was playing with a set of toys. Rebecca had informed us that Kale wasn't even a year old yet. He was crawling around in pants, a shirt, and a diaper. My heart fluttered.

I sat on the floor near Billy, who was teasing Kale with a teddy bear. He let out a bubbly giggle every time Billy made a cute noise, making the bear 'talk' to entertain him. Charlie was watching from the couch, with a sad look in his eyes. I was close enough to place my hand on him and I did, sliding my hand to grip his knee and smile up at him. He'd been so emotional lately! What was going on?

He squeezed my hand as Rebecca formally introduced me to her child. "Bella," she sat beside Charlie on the couch and nodding to Kale. "This is Kale."

I released my hold on Charlie when I felt a hand tug on the ends of my dress. I turned around, looking down to find Kale toying with my dress, fascinated with the fabric. He glanced up at me, staring at me with big brown eyes. I smiled back and he let out a tiny laugh before he was easily distracted, trying to stand to his feet and wobbling, falling over to crawl over the tree as his eye caught a red ornament with gold glitter sprinkled on it in a wavy design that curled around the orb. He sat upright, unsteadily and I couldn't help but crawl towards him to fix his sleeve that had ridden up, tugging it down. I sat beside him, crossing my legs and tickling his stomach as he laid back, reaching for my fingers. "Where's Jacob?" I peeked up at Billy as Kale escaped my grasp. I playfully snatched him back and he giggled again.

Everyone turned their heads to me, wearing identical smiles, except Charlie, who looked like he wasn't sure if he should frown or smile.

Okay, this was weird.

"He's…preparing. He'll be back soon," Rachel said dreamily, like a girl would be if she thought of something, _anything _romantic. Freaky.

I arched an eyebrow.

On cue the door swung open. Kale was sitting in front of me and messing with Autumn's necklace, speaking in gibberish. I would've gladly continued playing with him if that wave of warmth, desire, and love hadn't coursed through me as a huge smile crossed my face. Someone else would now have my attention.

That happened more frequently lately- feeling Jacob's presence as he entered the room, no matter how quietly he did. I was getting closer and closer to him in unimaginable ways. I didn't know what was next; what would bring us as close as we possibly could be? Sex had been checked off years ago, so what was next? Even looking back, I could never have imagined my life would turn out like this.

A flurry of movement signaled nearly everyone in the room had rushed to greet him. Billy stayed by Kale, who had slipped away from me again as I turned around just in time to see Rachel give Jacob a hug and whisper something in his ear that made him push her away, his cheeks darkening.

I smiled one of those sunny smiles I rarely showed before Jacob was brought into my life. He caught my eyes as I approached him and gave me a warm smile that sent shivers through me as I wrapped my arms around him. He pulled me to his chest, kissing my cheek, causing me to close my eyes briefly as he draped an arm around my shoulders and I moved in closer to him. He bent down to give me a chaste kiss on my lips as I continued to smile like a girl ridiculously in love. I couldn't help but brush my nose against his white-buttoned down shirt and inhale his scent- freshly washed. My eyes widened. "You're dressed up?"

My heart skipped a beat as he snickered. "Yes…so are you! I asked you to, remember? Therefore I have every right to dress up too." He dropped his hands to my waist. I glanced up at him and playfully pushed my hand against his chest.

"Jake," Billy called from his spot by the tree. I smashed myself against Jake's side, snickering as Kale was once again enthralled by the tree, toying with a multi-colored, glittering ornament this time and putting his mouth on it. Rebecca reached for him, commanding, "No."

Billy's eyes darted back to us after the brief distraction. "Don't be long. Dinner's going to be ready soon." The ham was all that was left and Rachel disappeared into the kitchen to tend to it. Charlie was standing near Jake and me, still watching me with this indescribable look on his face. Isaac sat at the dining room table; it was cramped, but we'd all fit.

Wait… "We're going somewhere?" I gazed up at Jacob, resting my chin on his chest.

He nervously rubbed the back of his neck "Yeah…for a little bit."

"Okay," I said, following him outside after we said quick goodbyes to everyone. I'm sure my expression did nothing to hide how confused I was. There were also little butterflies fluttering around in my stomach, the usual reaction to being around Jacob, still, but they were rapidly multiplying. He held my hand and led me down the stairs and across the yard to his motorcycle parked conveniently on the road.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd rode with him. I'd ridden on my motorcycle, surprised it was still in working order, only a few times since my return. But I hadn't rode _with him_, on the same motorcycle in years. I straddled the back of the bike, making faces as Jake put a helmet on my head, strapping me in, adjusting it so it fit snugly. "Are you going to tell me where you're taking me?" I encircled his waist with my arms as he revved the engine.

I could see the corner of his lips curve upward into a smile. "No, I'm not. You'll see."

"Are you going to make me guess?"

I held onto his waist tighter as he kicked off the ground and we sped off. "You can guess…in your head," he laughed over the sound of the motor, speeding up. It was freezingso I buried my face into his back, blocking the icy wind and soaking in his warmth.

"Not fair!" I shouted over the wind and rumble of the engine. "I don't like surprises."

"I'm going to take a good guess and say you'll like this one."

"I haven't seen you in days, since Charlie said you visited, refusing to tell me why you did. All I got was a few text messages and two short phone calls," I snapped. I'd kept that burst of anger inside, hoping it would've been gone by now. "What is going on?"

I was almost enraged by his answer, which was a repeat of what he'd recently said. "You'll see." But, it was hard to stay mad at him. I'm sure he had a good reason.

If not, he wasn't going to hear the end of my wrath.

Soon, we were pulling up to First Beach. I hopped off the bike, legs shaking. Jake caught me before I fell, giving me a few minutes to stretch my legs before taking my hand and leading me down to the shore. I felt like he had no destination in mind, but it was probably me imagining things.

Jake squeezed my hand, pausing as we walked through the trees. "Bella." I faced him, almost unwillingly. He stepped closer, cradling my face and I was once again trembling under his stare. "I know you're angry with me, but I've been…doing something, okay, and I want you to trust me when I say I haven't seen you for a reason."

I nodded. He kissed me briefly and we continued walking, me taking hold of his arm. Of course I trusted him, I just hated not knowing why I hadn't seen him.

I met Jacob's eyes and smiled at him before I rushed ahead to be free of the canopy of trees that blocked the sky from my line of sight. Finally emerging from the trees, I took in the view- stars dotting the cloudless black sky. I could hardly see in front of me in the blackness as I slipped off my shoes, with a sudden impulse to run into the water.

The glow of the moon was haunting, romantic, and beautiful, coating the landscape around us, reflecting in the smooth, almost glassy ocean.

I stepped over the line marking how far the water extended up the shore and sunk my toes into the sand, ignoring how cold the water was; my feet were already numb and they were all that was covered. I was too busy watching the waves, what little there was, and taking in everything.

The beach offers one of the most breathtaking views at night. You figure most people would want to be here during the day to tan, surf and swim, where sharks and the like can be seen…I prefer the night though. It's like the water glows from within, like, it's not the moon but something magical that creates that light.

We'd occasionally have bonfires and parties on this beach, but this part of the beach, this spot, I had never seen before. It wasn't near any cliffs, but it was almost entirely surrounded by land on either side going far out into the water- a mixture of rocks, and from what I could tell, vibrant green woods. The remains of a dock were to one side of me.

"Do you like it?" Jacob swallowed. He was right behind me.

I turned to face him, smiling widely. "How could I not?"

He rolled his pant legs up and followed me in. I'd managed to walk in up to my calves, thankful my dress was short enough. I expected him to run after me and snatch me in his arms and dunk me under regardless of how nice my dress was, and I honestly wouldn't care, not with his hands on me, and then he'd then sweep me into a kiss, but, he didn't. Instead, he reached his hand out to me. I took his hand as he drew me against his side again.

"I'm going to do this the right way…" He stood in front of me, blocking the view behind him. I peeked around him after giving him one of those 'what the fuck, let me see' looks and saw an open area nestled in the forest directly in front of me, further up the shore, back towards the road we came in on. It looked like the beginnings of some sort of…something. I couldn't tell from so far away.

I unconsciously stumbled forward to explore this partially hidden location. Jake stayed close behind me. "What is it? Is someone building something?" After a short walk, I stepped onto the foundation.

"You're standing on the front steps of where the porch will be."

I took a step back, sending him an alarmed glance before treading lightly, stepping over the wooden beams planted horizontally on top of the concrete and sand. The wood seemed to separate the base of the structure, like rooms. It wasn't really a structure, not even the skeleton, just the base.

"That would be the dining room you're in now."

I shot Jake another inquisitive look over my shoulder, before venturing even further into this unknown, unoccupied, small plot, avoiding nails and the like. I ended up in a larger marked off section towards the back of the plot.

I heard the smile in Jake's voice. "That's going to be our bedroom."

I faced him. He backed away, wearing an enormous grin. "'Our' bedroom?" I stepped over the wood, moving 'back outside' as everything hit me. "Th-this…" My heart pounded. "This…you mean…th-this…" I gestured behind me, eyes widening. "This is going to be _our_ house?"

I couldn't describe the way I felt.

"It will be." He stared into my eyes with a look so full of love and warmth I lost my footing and tripped over a bundle of roots.

"Jacob," I cried, regaining my footing. I walked towards him, arms outstretched, dying to leap into his embrace. We were close to the water again, back on the beach. I'd managed to walk us this far back.

He held out his hand stopping me. "I'm going to do this the right way, and I can't with your hands on me."

I blushed and lowered my arms. He reached into his pocket and retrieved a tiny box that's appearance-hand crafted wood-was too familiar for me.

And then he fell to one knee, opening it up.

I let out a gasp. "Oh my God. This is really happening," I whispered, cupping my mouth.

"Yeah, it is."

I couldn't keep my eyes off the ring as he took it from the box. His mother's ring. I hadn't seen it in so long and it was still the most beautiful piece of jewelry I'd laid my eyes on. Silver and gold intertwined strands, embedded diamonds, and the phrase 'my forever begins and ends with you' in Quileute carved inside, glinting in the moonlight.

I finally met his eyes, mine tearing up.

"Six months from now, if you say yes…"

"Why would I say no?" My heart raced a mile a minute and my limbs shook.

"Let me finish," he chuckled, before clearing his throat. "I will graduate college in May. You said…what did you say Bella?"

It took me a moment to answer. I was clutching my chest, above my heart."We both agreed not to get married until we graduate college…Oh My God," I gasped. "You remember that?"

He narrowed his eyes, a sly grin on his face. "Of course I do."

"Jacob, you're building us a house."

"I just started a few days ago when Charlie…"

My face morphed into one of recognition. It was all so clear now! "…When he gave you permission…you asked him?"

Jacob nodded. "That's what you're supposed to do. The father has to grant the future husband permission."

Edward hadn't asked my father before. Now who was more of a gentleman? "That's why Charlie's been acting so strange and clingy. That's why you haven't seen me; you were saving this for tonight."

He smiled. "I had to keep it from you until now, or it'd spoil everything. The guys are helping me out. It'll be done in time for the wedding. You won't see it again until it's finished."

"If I'll marry you?" I crossed my arms. "Propose to me," I teased.

His mouth gaped open. "I'm in the middle of it. You…keep getting me off track." His cheeks were stained with a rich red as his eyes shifted to my mostly bare legs. _Oh_. He wiped his forehead, breathing heavily.

I was a jittery mess that wanted to giggle and squeal and leap into his arms, but not until…"I've never done this before," he laughed nervously. "Give me a second."

I giggled, chewing on my nails and eyeing him with wide, loving eyes that threatened to shed happy tears.

He was ready. "See…I met this girl for the first time when I was…young, too young. She was a bit older than me...about three years actually. She had this wild brown hair, chocolate colored eyes and she kind of had this pull on me even before I understood what love was, before I even understood that it's okay for girls and guys to be around each other and that girls aren't these disgusting creatures I should avoid." I laughed, never taking my gaze from his. "And, she hung out with my obnoxious, mean, older sisters every once in a while. When I turned 10, she kind of snagged a special, permanent place in my heart." Jake was looking everywhere, expressing a range of emotions I could hardly pick up on his face, shifting from one knee to the other in his spot in the sand below me. "So, time went on and I didn't see her for a while, and you know, being the sexy little man I was I had a bunch of girlfriends…" He waved it away jokingly, like it was nothing. "But she was always in the back of my mind. She starred in my first fantasy." I laughed loudly, blushing. "I saw her again at the ripe age of 15, on this beach…not here exactly, but somewhere on _this_ beach, definitely. Now, at the time, the beautiful girl flirted with me to get information out of me. All she had to do was shoot me a small, shy smile and I was a goner. I was like a teenage girl after that- I couldn't shut up about her. So, later she comes to me a broken mess of a girl- this attractive, flawed creature looking for comfort and help. And even though she was completely in love with someone else, I never gave up on her. I fell in love with her quickly, for real this time, after I learned all the meanings of the word, the first day she drove up with those bikes. I made her smile; I made her feel alive for the first time in months...in ever, really, if she would've allowed herself to admit it. Soon after, I went through some changes and pushed her away, but she kept coming back, making it hard for me to let go, making me fall harder for her."

Now there were tears in my eyes and my heart felt like it was swelling to something far larger than normal.

"She left me, manipulated me, used me, and pushed me away, while her 'lover' was gone _and_ when he came back."

I smiled sadly as he continued. "The more time I spent with her, the harder it became to let her become…a monster. She was willing to lose everything because she couldn't live without him, or so she believed. I did and said some stupid, immature, inconsiderate things, like kissing her without her wanting me to, or so she said…" He sniggered. "But, when she allowed herself, for just a moment to let her guard down and kiss me to see if she felt something for me, it came to the surface and she knew she was in love with me, just like I was in love with her. Still, despite my efforts and her confession, she went back to him."

Tears dripped down my cheeks.

His frown turned upside down again, and I returned the smile he gave me, _that _smile I loved. "But she came to her senses and realized how much she was sacrificing. She gave me a real chance to be with her and things were beyond words- the passion, the romance, the connection we shared…nothing could top it. She left again to protect me for nearly four years. I tried to get over her. I saw someone else, wished for the best for the girl that left me, learned from my mistakes, and eventually she found her way back to me. Things were tough…bad…not right, but this time, she paid me back because she never gave up on me, and with that she proved to me how much she loved me, just like I had for her- persistent me and relentless her. Never backing down…" He gazed into my eyes. "I can't see myself without you, again, _ever again_. That's love…me not wanting to be away from you, not wanting you with someone else, realizing you are the one girl I need to be with. I saw myself with Chimera, but when I imagined what it'd be like without her, it wasn't a mere fraction of what I'd feel without you…what I felt without you. I'm strong, I know that; I survived you not being with me twice, but third time's the charm. I want to be with you forever. There is no one else. There never has been and there never will be. So…" A sob scratched at the back of my throat. "Bella Marie Swan, will you marry me? I'll love you even when you're old and gray and parts of me don't work properly…" He smiled and held the ring out to me between his thick, strong, long fingers.

I could hardly speak so I nodded vigorously, not even attempting to wipe my tears away as he smiled _my_ smile. He grasped my hand between his and slipped the ring on my finger as I managed to spit out, "Yes, yes, I will marry you, Jacob Black. I will!"

He finally stood and I launched myself into his arms 'The Notebook' style, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist and planting a fervent kiss on his mouth, both of us smiling against one another's lips. I laughed as he twisted me around and we almost tumbled into the water, which was now rushing around his ankles.

I gave him another kiss that made his legs tremble, so much that he squeezed me tighter as my mouth moved against him. I took his top lip between mine and he did the same to my bottom. "I'm going to fall if you don't get off of me," he joked, before grabbing the back of my head and a fistful of my hair and luring me into a deeper kiss.

I laughed and with a final kiss to his lips, my feet hit the ground. As soon as they did I took him by surprise and took off running, splashing into the waves, hiking my dress up, laughing, ridiculously happy.

He ran after me, scooping me into his arms, spinning me around, holding me bridal style, before I made him lose his grip and raced down the store, him chasing me, splashing water back and forth, giggling as he attacked me from behind and placed his hands on my waist, blowing a raspberry that made me kick at him.

At this moment, I felt like a kid. And it was…freeing.

He kissed my neck, smiling as I laughed and gripped his forearms. He set me down enough so I could be held by him, both of us standing in the surf, eyes closed, heads turned towards each other, embracing one another, listening to the sounds of the night, the waves, and our breathing and heartbeats.

With Jacob I've never had to try to be happy. It just…happens. He makes me happy without any thought. And I was more than ready to spend the rest of my life with him…happily ever after.

* * *

We arrived at the Black's just in time for dinner. Everyone had given us 'dying to know' looks the second we walked through the doors.

"So?" Rachel said, standing up.

Jacob's arm looped around my waist as I held up my hand, flashing my…engagement ring.

_Engaged._ I was Jacob Black's fiancé.

I let out the squeal I'd held back and ran to greet the twins, before receiving congratulatory hugs from all the guys. Rebecca and Rachel attacked Jacob from both sides, showering him with kisses while he struggled to pull away.

I sat between my father and Jacob at the table, placing a hand on Charlie's knee, looking into his eyes and smiling. "I'm getting married."

He smiled and his eyes clouded with tears. He grasped my hand, holding it. "Yeah, you are." He leaned in and deposited a kiss on my forehead.

Rebecca tapped her glass with her fork. I squeezed Charlie's hand before releasing it and turning into Jacob's body, wanting to be near him again. I stared at my ring, watching Jacob's finger as he twiddled with it. "Bella," Rebecca drew my attention to her as I settled into Jacob's chest. "On behalf of, well, **us**, we'd like to turn things around and make this into a congratulatory occasion, on top of it being Christmas. Now, by doing so, we are officially welcoming you and your family to the Black family." A collection of cheers and applause enveloped the table. We raised our wine glasses and toasted.

"Now that that's done," Billy sighed exasperatedly. "Can we eat? An old man can only go so long without food."

A few minutes after devouring this feast before me, I found my eyes drifting to Billy. "Thank you."

He smiled warmly. "For what, Bella?"

I turned my gaze to Jacob. He hadn't taken his eyes off of me. I blushed before turning back to Billy, clutching Jacob's hand on my leg. "Thank you for seeing me as a worthy enough woman to wear Sarah's ring." My eyes pooled with tears. "I hope I do everything I can to show her, and you, and this family, I'm worth it." The table was silent.

"You already have, Bella," Billy said softly, reaching his hand to me. I placed my hand in his. "You do love my son, and he sure as hell loves you more than anything…more than life, if you ever ask him." I couldn't help but steal a glance at Jacob. We shared a smile. I forced my eyes back to Billy. "As long as you're planning to not run away from _this_ wedding, I'm sure she'll be pleased."

Now, I had to stare into Jacob's eyes. He'd paused and a fork was to his mouth; he was about to take a bite of stuffing. "It's not going to happen. I will be walking down that aisle."

Jacob's blindingly beautiful smile was all I needed as a response to that.

* * *

_And I know what they say_

_About all good things_

_Will they come to an end?_

_But I'll fight this time_

_So that we might_

_Have a chance at this…_

_New Years Eve/New Years_

_Autumn and Embry's apartment_

I missed the New Year's party for years while I was gone, but apparently the occasion was always brought in at Autumn and Embry's because they had the nicest place- a luxurious, one bedroom suite right outside of Forks.

It was a gigantic complex, yet something you would only see if you were looking hard enough. Autumn and Embry would move once more if she had kids, but at this point, no one was sure she could even have them, which broke my heart, since I loved her so much and I knew how badly she wanted a child. This past year, she'd always bring it up to me and she'd talk about colors and nurseries…it killed me to hear her talk about something she probably couldn't have.

I cleared my head. I couldn't allow myself to be depressed for her tonight.

Walking up to the building underneath the night sky, I felt like I was in _Gossip Girl_, attending a classy party at a fancy place. There were cars parked down the road; the parking lot was reserved for residents and every suite was inhabited, at the least the ones who were home and not out of town for the holiday.

I could already see the DJ stand and dance floor as I closed in on the building. Food and drinks were to be served in Autumn and Embry's house, and we'd be eating on what they said to be was an extended, rather large porch that was attached to their home that overlooked land that sloped steeply downward, offering a view of the water that sparkled like diamonds beneath the light of the moon. We'd likely go down to the ledge and watch the fireworks as they shot off on the beach as it approached midnight.

Jacob and I had agreed to announce our engagement tonight. Charlie and Billy were going to be there as well. Rebecca and her family had flown out and my mother and Phil flew in.

I was utterly happy, but nervous. I'd been so sidetracked that I'd almost forgotten Jacob was strolling beside me, until he wrapped an arm around my waist as we continued our trek to our best friends' house, chatting with Billy, Charlie, and Sue.

As we entered it became all too clear that Autumn had gone all out, supposedly with the help of Brooke and Carmen, who was in town for the holiday with Julius. They'd decorated everything with a New Year's theme, the main colors being black and rich reddish-purples, as well as white and silver.

The lighting in their home was dim; single vanilla scented candles were inside candle holders resting in leas of dark pink and purple feathers, and arranged on tables on the wooden porch and throughout surfaces in the house. There were even candelabras with black holders. Each table had black tablecloths and wine glasses; every plate had a noisemaker centered on it, complete with nametags resting beside the utensils. Talk about elegant! There was also a mini bar with several choices of wines, rum, and champagne neatly stacked. The more expensive bottles of champagne were placed in a glass door fridge, cooling to be ready for New Years. There was no sign of beer anywhere, but knowing Autumn, I'm sure she had some stored away in the silver-black fridge inside.

Speaking of their kitchen, the counters and surfaces within it were cherry-colored wood, and they didn't clash with their jaw-dropping living room, surprisingly. That room had a stone fireplace, high ceiling and a dark washed wooden floor, with windows covering one wall where the glass doors to the porch were.

Basically, the place was meant for a movie.

I took a peek out the window as another thought took my breath away, like I'd forgotten it, even though there was no way I could've: I would be getting married this coming year, bringing in the New Year happily. I was going to start a life with Jacob, who I was smiling at, and attached to his side like a leech as we greeted the others.

I spied my mother entering with Phil and jostled my way through the crowd to say hello to them both, discreetly showing my ring to my mother as Jacob kissed her cheek and shook Phil's hand, flashing that smile you can't ignore. I told them we'd be breaking the news of the engagement tonight.

The music was playing classic rock tunes at the moment, but I knew in a matter of time the music we could 'shake our asses to' would begin soon. Except, we were in the presence of our parents…okay, some of us were. It'd be awkward at first, but I'm sure the inner-party animals of the 'adults' would come out, as disturbing as it may be. The Pack, the girls and I usually 'partied' with each other, but at this point we were forced to act 'grown up' in the presence of the people who birthed us. That would be the real reason Autumn and Embry wanted things to be so elegant, not that we needed an excuse to dress up. This time though the boys cleaned up more than usual- nice, crisp jeans, no cut-offs, and wearing collared or button-down shirts. I'd never seen the men this well behaved before.

I hardly had time to converse with anyone and wrench out more than a hello before Autumn dragged me into her and Embry's bedroom that also led on to their back porch.

Their queen sized bed was a lovely mixture of maroon and gold, almost matching the decorations outside. A small sitting area was beside the glass doors and a lit fireplace was off in the corner. Autumn drew the curtains shut blocking the view from the porch, but still allowing the view that wasn't obstructed by the balcony. The room was dark; the only lamps turned on were the on either side of the bed, as well as one standing in the sitting area.

Autumn let out a squeal, clasping her hands together and hugging me. I was so shocked I didn't move or even get a chance to return the hug before she pulled away. "Aren't you excited?"

Autumn's window was open and the breeze rustled the curtains giving me a brief glimpse of the deck. Angela, Kyle, and Ashley had arrived, being dragged in to the insanity by Leah, who looked stunning; she'd cut her hair again and wore a short, black dress with silver sequins outlining her bust and placed along a path down her torso. "Ah, the party! Yes!" I smiled, applauding Autumn for such an awesome party as I solely focused on her.

She rolled her eyes. "No! I mean…you're going to get married in the year that's…" she checked her delicate, slender, jeweled watch, "…in three hours!"

I blushed and sighed. "Yeah, I am." I brushed my hair behind my ears. "It's so nerve-wracking."

"You have to start planning as soon as you tell everyone," she blurted out. "And then you better believe…" she pointed at me, stepping closer. My smile hadn't left my face. "You'll be talking with all of us about this. I am honestly psyched!" Ha. 'Psyched.' She was using Embry's words.

"Autumn," I stroked her upper arm, laughing. "The wedding is going to be at the beginning of June! There's plenty of time."

"I know," she squealed, cupping her mouth. "Finally! I can't wait till everyone knows," she whispered…loudly.

"With the way you're going, they probably already do!"

"No," she shook her head, letting out a single laugh. "They aren't listening and the walls are sound proof. They can only make out mumbling. It's why Embry and I sleep with the window open, so if the pack calls, he can go if he has to. And the view is spectacular..."

I spoke without thinking. "The house Jake built for us is going to be so beautiful too."

Her eyes widened and she smiled. "Really? I know the boys were working on it, but I haven't seen the place."

"Of course you know!" I paced around, throwing my hands up.

She giggled before gesturing to my outfit. "Nice dress by the way…very out there and so…_not_ you."

I had dressed more boldly this year. I kept my hair down in sexy 'just out of bed' curls, and my makeup was light, but the dress was a two-toned sequined piece with a golden top and silver bottom, and it was short, sexy, and strapless. I wore black heels to complete it.

Autumn hesitated and her eyes flickered towards the door. "Before you announce everything…" I heard an eruption of voices and cheers. "You need to tell a certain someone first. Chimera's here." Oh! She was! I immediately perked up. I hadn't seen her in, like, a year. "I'll go bring her in.'"

"Okay." I smiled, patting down my dress, suddenly anxious. I met Autumn's eyes just as she reached for the door. She paused, her hand on the knob. "Will she be alright with it?"

She chuckled. "Does it matter?" My worries became even more evident with my fiddling fingers and almost watery eyes. "Bella, she'll be fine." She gave me a warm smile over her shoulder before opening the door and returning to the rest of her guests, acting like the perfect hostess. Loud voices and music filled my ears momentarily before the door was closed again.

I began to pace, bouncing on the balls of my feet, fidgeting, glancing towards the door, chewing on the thumb nail of my left hand, eyes to the door.

I really missed Chimera. I was elated to see her again. She'd been so busy that we rarely talked, but every time we did she always had something amazing to tell. Her life was a series of interesting events, embarrassing stories, wonderful achievements, and crazy experiences, either minor or major. She mentioned a few guys she dated, none that really stole her heart through, not in the slightest. I hoped she would find someone. I knew she was waiting for 'him,' whoever 'he' may be.

I blamed my headache on the music blasting through the speakers so loud the base vibrated the walls, but I knew it was because I was trying to figure out how to tell Chimera that Jake and I were officially engaged. I, without a doubt, wanted her as a bridesmaid. She and Autumn had been the first two girls that came to mind. Autumn was to be Maid of Honor. I'd told her and she'd skipped around the room, twirling and screaming with excitement. It worked perfectly because Embry was going to be Jacob's Best Man. I hadn't figured anything else out, so the next few months we were going to be occupied with wedding plans.

I was going to be a part of making plans _for my wedding_. The way I wanted it to be and not the way Alice made it like before. Jake would be a part of it too, obviously, and I'd no doubt take tips from others, but…I was planning this!

I was giddy thinking of it, pondering the dress I knew nothing about, a gown Kyle had instantly started to plan. I couldn't hide it from my roommates; they'd known the second I walked through that door late Christmas night, wearing that 'in love' smile, that I was either engaged, or I'd been thoroughly fucked in the backseat of Jacob's Mustang right outside my apartment before entering.

It had been because of both.

I giggled out loud.

Jake had been the happiest he'd been since before he changed after I'd agreed to marry him. So, I hadn't seen Jake this happy since he was _a kid_.

I was going to marry my best friend, who I'd know since I was a child…a _young child_.

The door opened and 'Temperature' by Sean Paul filled my ears.

I wheeled around to see Chimera closing the door behind her. She looked gorgeous, she always did, but this look was glamorous. She wore a silver, low cut, pleated dress with heels. Her hair was down and her makeup was as natural as I'd ever seen it. She turned around grinning and her midnight blue eyes met mine. "It's a madhouse out there! I didn't think I'd make it through the crazies!" She laughed before rushing over to me and hugging me.

I happily returned the embrace, squeezing as hard as my tiny frame could. I smiled brightly as she pulled away. "You haven't changed a bit."

She stepped back and her shoulder shook with laughter as she swung her hair over her shoulder. "You have. I haven't seen you since I left and girl…" she whistled. "You're rocking that dress! You look even more gorgeous than I remember!"

Any girl would agree that when Chimera called you gorgeous it wasn't something you could forget easily.

I took her hands in mine and blushed. "Thank you! How the hell have you been?" I took a seat, bringing her with me. Our hands twined together, now resting on our knees as she sat across from me.

"Didn't I talk to you, like, last week?"

I shrugged, rolling my eyes to the ceiling, remembering. "Well, yeah, but, it's not the same as talking face to face!" I really missed you!" I said, quietly.

She smiled. "Awww…I missed you as well, but I've been having a ball!" She stood up and whirled around, blowing a kiss in the mirror and striking a sexy pose.

I reclined in the chair, draping my legs over the side.

"And that dress…" she looked at me. "That's something _I_ would wear!"

I threw my head back laughing. "I actually thought of you when I saw it."

"I'm too curvy for it though…" she stepped closer, walking model-perfect in her heels. "Your ass looks fine in it."

I smiled smugly. "I do have a nice behind don't I?" I joked, hopping to my feet. "Any guys?" I moved closer to her.

"You already know I dated, obviously, but I haven't met _him_ yet…though I will."

"And I want to hear every detail when you do." I clapped my hands.

I swallowed a lump that formed in my throat. "Maybe in about six months you'll find him and you can start telling me about him because that's hopefully when I'll see you again…" My eyes lowered to the ground and my cheeks heated up as I chewed on my lower lip.

I could _hear _the smile in her voice. "What's in six months?"

"June first, actually…Holy shit." I had to sit down. "Tomorrow means its five months away." I clawed at my face dragging my nails so my eyes drooped.

"Oh my God!" She abruptly brought me to my feet. I tried to keep a straight face, but it didn't work; that huge smile reappeared.

I started to flail my hands and jump up and down and squeal like a little girl. "Jacob and I are getting married!"

"You said yes!" She pulled me into another hug, feet tapping with excitement, swinging me back and forth as we staggered around the room in our embrace. "About fucking time!"

"Oh fuck you!" I pushed her away, still euphoric. God, I was happy!

Her arms crossed over her chest. "Where's the ring?" She raised an eyebrow.

I reached into my pocket and pulled it out. Yes, my dress has pockets, but they're practically invisible. "I'm putting it on right before we announce it tonight and I'll wear it probably every second of every day after that."

I held out my palm and she slid her fingers over the ring, eyes wide with awe, taking in the intricate details. "I've always wondered what this looked like," she whispered. "His mother's ring…it's as beautiful as she was. I wish I had a chance to meet her," she frowned.

I smiled solemnly. "I wish she was still here." We tore our eyes from the ring. Any girl appreciated the beauty of a ring. I knew my hand would be held thoroughly after Jake and I gave them 'the news,' everyone wanting to look. I tucked it in my pocket. "I feel…" I stepped back and leaned against the back of one of the chairs in the sitting area. "…_naked_ not wearing it. This is the only time I haven't since he proposed." A silence passed. She watched me with a close-mouthed, genuine smile. "I just wanted to tell you first. In case…" I trailed off, looking away, gripping the chair on either side of me.

"In case…what? In case I didn't want it to happen? You must have brain damage, sweetie." I snorted at her words. "Bella, look at me." She grasped my chin and forced my face towards her so I was literally inches away from her as she leaned over, stooping to my level. "I am so happy for the two of you, more than anything." And of course it was the truth, proven as another beautiful smile crossed her face. "Now, I think I hear a song I love, so we need to join in the fun before they start looking for us."

I nodded and stood up, following her to the door, my hand in hers. I stopped her in the doorway and narrowed my eyes. "You knew he was planning to propose didn't you."

"That I did," she confessed. "I just haven't talked to him since before you said yes." She winked and we opened the door, just in time to hear 'Bedrock' by Young Money and Lloyd beginning to play. I followed her closely and we joined the others on the porch, gathered around the bar and a few tables. The sliding glass doors had been left open for the evening. The tables were set with dinner as the guests started to take their seats. I hadn't had a clue Ashley, Kyle, and Angela had agreed to cater this event, but I knew they were in on the engagement like Embry and Autumn, obviously. The three of them were finishing setting tables, singing the song loudly, now at its chorus.

"Welcome to the party!" Quil bellowed, downing a glass of wine, as he pranced over to where Chimera and I were standing.

"Glad you could join us…ladies," Paul lowered his voice suggestively, shoving Jared out of the way before he could sit down, earning a glare from him. Paul took a bite out of a pile of cheese and crackers held between his fingers, taking a seat next to Rachel and purposely planting a sloppy kiss on her cheek. She shoved him away, shaking with laughter.

After too many innuendos were said among the boys, I finally managed to escape and get a seat in Jacob's lap before the song ended. He'd seen me approaching and pretended to stand to pull a chair out for me before pulling me on to his lap and kissing me, unleashing a giggle from within me. He sang the lyrics in my ear as the chorus faded out, making me blush a deeper red. "_My room is the g-spot, call me Mr. Flintstone, because I can make your bed rock…_"

I kissed him again, smiling against his lips, before extracting myself from his lap and taking a seat next to him so I could dig in to the meal before me. He immediately dove into a conversation with Autumn, Emily, Sam, and Embry at our table.

I saw my father, who was sitting between Sue and Eric, eyeing Eric up like he was scared of him. Eric caught his expression and laughed. Eric said something and my father spit out his beer, laughing hard. No more fear there.

I scanned the room again; my mother was having an animated conversation with Autumn directly across from our table. Embry stole the umbrella from Autumn's drink and twirled it around, laughing as she shot him a glare and snatched it back, before giving him a kiss on the cheek.

The party had yet to kick off, even though everyone was obviously having a good time. After dessert and more bottles of alcohol were passed around, things would explode. So, before the last hour of this year, where I'm sure our friends would be too drunk to understand what was going on, Jake and I had to make our announcement, so we'd give everyone another reason to celebrate. I'd gladly drink to that, but I wasn't going to drink excessively; I was saving that for when Jacob and I were safely locked away in my room back at my apartment after we shared the two champagne bottles I had saved for us, soon to be followed by the two of us christening the bathroom sink, which surprising hadn't been checked off our list yet.

Yeah, we had a list.

After dessert, which was comprised of canolis, double fudge chocolate cake, and ice cream cake, we were already standing, sipping from the champagne glasses Autumn had supplied.

The guys had randomly flocked together and busied themselves with composing a list of songs. Autumn sauntered over them after much debating amongst the girls and me, and pointed to the paper mouthing a song that had to be played and clearly threatening the guys with castration if they decided to take the song off the list.

"Fucking a, Autumn," Embry called after her as she walked back to us. "This song…" He pointed where she wrote. "Is…"

"Such a fucking girl power song it's insulting," Quil cried theatrically.

Autumn stood to her full height, straightening her shoulders, and flicked her hair over her shoulder. "Get over it," she snarled.

"It's not really an insult," Jake said from his seat. He was the only one sitting down besides Sam. The guys were either leaning against the surrounding tables or standing. "I mean, it can be, but not for me." He smiled…that was a dirtysmile. I wanted to smack it off my beautiful, sexy, amazing _fiancé's_ face.

"You girls are going to sing this to us and taunt us with your ridiculously attractive bodies. It's not fair!" Quil winked.

"Quil, if you look at me that way one more time," Leah warned, marching forward. Chimera held her back, cackling. "I will gladly take the garden cutters from Autumn's storage room and cut off **your** penis first out of the guys!" Leah screamed over her shoulder. "You definitely need to be rid of that body part, fucking pervert."

"Fuck me," Quil flicked her off, earning a smack from Eric.

Moments later, Jared, Jacob, and Quil presented a list of songs to the DJ, who'd removed his headphones, and placed them on his neck to listen. Jacob waited for the guys to walk away then said something to the DJ, pointing to the slip of paper, smiling widely. The DJ nodded and Jacob joined us.

We'd somehow floated to the edge of the small dance floor.

Jake couldn't keep his hands off me as he tugged me to his chest. It was so normal now. We moved towards each other and touched each other without a thought now, much more often. Our bodies were so in tune it was sometimes terrifying and too much to handle, all in a good way. I still found it unbelievable how compatible we were for each other.

I gazed up at him as he chatted animatedly with the guys as the DJ remixed some tracks to lead into another song.

Shamelessly ogling Jacob, I found the answer to my compatibility thoughts as our eyes locked: I was meant for him and him for me. We were created for each other and pushed through life to end up together, without anyone knowing, without even trying. We were meant for each other.

I was soon jolted out of such a comfortable position- completely leaning my weight against him and him supporting me with ease- when 'Shake It' by Metro Station began to play.

And once again, the Pack boys broke the ice.

On occasion, they could be such attention whores. Scratch that. They usually were, at every occasion, attention whores, like a bunch of puppies.

They jumped up and down, head banging, running into each other. The chorus hit and the head banging increased and soon the girls and I were reeled in. We bounced up and down, hair flying around, arms swinging, gaining that energy for the night. Everyone was dancing with everyone, always leaping up and down when the chorus played, forming a mosh-pit.

At the top of our lungs, we recited, "_Shake shake shake shake it_," with the song as it came to a close.

A few more songs played before we stopped for a break. Jacob gave the DJ a peace sign and the DJ inclined his head towards Jacob before returning to the music. Jacob nodded to Autumn and Embry who both took off and placed a mic stand at the edge of the dance floor as the others continued conversing, taking no notice.

Jacob laced the fingers of one of my hands with his. I glanced up at him, trembling from his warmth and the sight of my favorite smile in place. "You ready?" He leaned his head down, staring into my eyes, stroking my sides, before gripping my waist, taking my hand again and walking us back to the dance floor.

The crowd silenced and I heard random whistles and choruses of the boys hollering "hot stuff" on purpose, whooping. I smiled, blushing, knowing everyone was about to know I was no longer Jake's girlfriend, I was his fiancé. I would be his wife! I happily jumped with joy, placing the ring on its correct finger, gazing at Jake as he took a step up and stood on the dance floor- it was raised a few inches off the deck. He kept my ringed hand in his as I smiled up at him.

Akon's 'Beautiful' began to play and Jacob glanced at me, telling me he meant the song for me, at least, parts of it. My heart leap to my chest and I squeezed his hand tighter, smiling at him. I couldn't keep my eyes off him. I know I was looking at him with a look of complete adoration and love and any other feeling I found difficulty describing. "Shut up puppies," he snickered, happy to call them that because he was Alpha, even though he definitely wasn't the oldest. They made several snide comments, telling us to 'hurry the fuck up' and continue. "If you haven't figured it out already," he was speaking to the crowd, but his eyes were on me. "The other day, Christmas to be exact, I asked Bella to marry me, officially…finally, I know that's what you're thinking. And, honest to God, at this point, and probably for as long as I've been in love with this woman beside me, I can't see myself with anyone but her." My knees were weak as he kept his gaze on me. "She knows that. She is well aware how much I love her." I was. I would never question his love for me again, and he was never to question my love for him again.

I blushed once again and heard a few 'awws.' On cue, the chorus began with 'you're so beautiful.' "Bella accepted. We're getting married." He kissed my hand and held it up for everyone to see as I flashed my ring. He squeezed my waist and hauled me up so I could stand beside him, kissing me as our friends erupted, standing to their feet, cheering. Jacob bent me over, kissing me, both of us smiling against each other's lips before standing me to my feet. I swayed, cupping my mouth, blushing and laughing, before looking to the crowd as Jacob kissed my temple. Even though my parents had known right after Jacob asked, my father had tears in his eyes and my mother was clutching at her chest.

Julius and Chimera approached us with two champagne bottles, followed by the rest of the Pack and 'my girls,' shaking the bottles, tossing them around. I had no fear that they'd drop them. They handed the bottles to me and Jake and we popped them open simultaneously. The contents bubbled, spilling over the sides and splashing on to everyone so quickly we had to immediately pour the liquid into the many glasses in the hands of our friends and family. They soon joined us on the dance floor and we were engulfed with hugs and handshakes. I was passed around as the women, and Kyle, looked at the ring, kissing my cheeks, crying. My eyes welled with tears, as it came rushing to me how amazing and lucky I was to have all these people in my life, that this was the choice I made.

This was overwhelming!

Jacob swung me to him and started singing, "_You're so beautiful, so damn beautiful_," swaying me around. I laughed, tucking my head against his chest, the other gripping his hand, before hugging him tightly as he rested his head on top of mine, tilting my chin up with his finger before looking into my eyes as the song ended and shifted into 'Lovestoned' by Justin Timberlake.

He kissed me, smiling. His eyes were bright with love and laughter…and yep, that smile was still on my face, I was sure of it.

He was humming the song and singing the lyrics. "_That's why she's going home with me tonight_."

I hit his chest, laughing, and pulled him down so I could nuzzle his neck. "You will…with _me_."

He chuckled and sang, "_She's freaky and she knows it_." I threw my head back, laughing. He feigned innocence and said, "What?"

I laughed, for the hundredth time, and kissed him, before resting my head against his chest. He'd lifted me so my feet were on top of his and he moved us around, so we 'danced.' I was a giggling mess and Jacob still wore that smile I would never tire of. I took pride in the fact that my ring was clearly displayed on my finger, a true sign I belonged to Jacob.

My parents were dancing with their significant others hysterically during the fast music part, right before it switches to the 'slow music.' The others soon followed and coupled off, pressing against each other as the music began to change. Jake gently lowered me to the floor and wrapped his arms around my waist as my hands glided to his back, so I could be closer to him.

And as soon as it the song fully became the slow version without the bleeding between the music, the DJ switched the lights to white, and they flashed at longer intervals. That very second, at what I consider the climax of the song, my eyes were instantly drawn to Jacob's and the whole atmosphere changed.

Romantic.

I smiled and slid my hands up his chest to grasp the nape of his neck to give him a long, slow, sensuous kiss. His hand gripped my ringed hand and stroked it, purposely hovering over the ring for too long. I pressed my forehead against his as he leaned down at '_stop and stare_.'

How cheesy.

How _beautiful._ Surrounded by our friends and family that _knew_. No more hiding. Finally.

"Guess what?" I muttered.

"You love me?" He whispered, smirking.

I rolled my eyes playfully. "That too." I smiled up at him. "I'm your fiancé."

He faked surprise before smiling, swooping in for another kiss. "Yes you are."

We pulled away as the song ended. We were still fused to each other's side, his arm around me and my arms around him.

Quil grabbed the mic. "Let's get…crunk!" He shouted, before pushing the mic away just as Trey Songz' 'Say Aah!' began to play.

I was ready to dance.

Our dancing was definitely turned down a few notches, but that didn't keep anyone from being close. There were girls in groups, guys and girls, and guys holding up their drinks at every reference to alcohol in the song, with their hands sneaking to inappropriate places on their 'women.'

As the chorus played again, I wrapped my arms around Jake's neck and turned my back against him, resisting the urge to press against him as we moved to the song. I was teasing.

He gave in, and his hands crept from my arms to my waist and flitted over my body just enough to give me pleasurable chills. I spun around and smiled at him. He winked and we were face to face, his hands still sliding over me, without full contact of our bodies. We could resist…for now.

As the last part began everyone's hands were in the air, as we poured champagne since that's what the lyrics 'instructed' us to do, until the song ended.

I vaguely recognized the beginning of the next song as I took a sip of Jake's champagne, since I'd promised I'd only get drunk when we were in private together. I couldn't quite make it out since 'Say Aah!' was still feeding into it.

"Fuck!" Quil huffed and the guys muttered complaints, still standing on the dance floor.

I gave Jake a questioning look. He rolled his eyes and smiled. "You know the song Autumn made us write down?"

"The 'girl power' song?"

"Yeah," he said, sucking in his lower lip before exhaling. "It's about to play."

I smirked. "I can't wait."

The girls were already grouped together and the guys automatically stepped away from the woman, crossing their arms. Jacob looked like he was about to burst out laughing.

It was Rihanna's 'Rude Boy.' My mouth dropped open and I glanced at the gaggle of girls surrounding me. Ashley and Angela joined Autumn, Chimera, Rachel, Brooke, Carmen, Kim, and I on the dance floor. "I fucking love this song!" I shouted gleefully as the words started. Soon the guys were shoved away from the floor and the girls had pushed me to the middle as we recited the lyrics.

Great, this would be my wedding.

_My wedding_, with these crazy people I loved dancing…_crazily_.

_Call me rude boy boy can you get it up?_

Quil shouted as the girls and I started dancing together, "It's up alright!" receiving laughs and punches from the guys.

_Call me rude boy boy is it big enough?_

I caught a glimpse of my dad. He looked dismayed, took a sip of his beer (now, where'd he find that?) and joined the 'adults' inside without a word. I bent over, clutching my stomach I was laughing so hard.

The girls and I were instantly hooked to the beat of the song, and the song itself, lowering to the ground during '_take it take it'_

I couldn't stop laughing. I couldn't believe I was singing these lyrics, eyeing Jacob playfully.

The song finally ended and we relaxed, laughing and apologizing theatrically, begging for forgiveness and then saying, "Not!"

I wasn't even intoxicated, but it felt like it- my head was dizzy with laughter and my face hurt from smiling, but I didn't want to stop!

'Get Low' by Lil Jon and the Eastside Boys began. Yet another sexist song, but it was so classic, we ended up rejoining and dancing together for the song. New Years was just six minutes away! Six _fucking_ minutes till the first day of the first year of the rest of my life!

We even did the '_to the window, to the wall_' movements like the high school students we once were, raising our hands up and pointing left and right.

Soon, with a burst of energy, we were rushing down the steps, fired up, successfully not falling over each other. Jake carried me so I wouldn't trip which likely would've happened if I'd been left to walk alone, Seth gave Brooke a piggy back ride because her heels were of backbreaking height, and Ashley practically broke her wedged heels, slipping them off as she hit the grass.

The guys bounced up and down, pushing each other, shouting the lyrics of the well-known '_aw skeet skeet motherfucker!_' part of the chorus as we trudged to the edge of the cliff the building sat on, ready to watch fireworks.

One minute left!

Jake set me down and I jumped up with glee, kissing his cheek repeatedly, as he laughed that childish laugh I remembered and was hearing more frequently now. I heard the DJ start the countdown. "Thirty seconds!" He called out and cut off the music, our signal to 'shut the fuck up', since we were still chattering and laughing.

Couples paired off. I excitedly gripped Jake's hands. Some of the girls had their phones out, ready to send out mass text messages; one hand securely placed on their significant others. Charlie and my mom stood with Phil and Sue on either side of Billy in his wheelchair, their hands on him, everyone's eyes raised to the sky.

"Twenty seconds!" Everyone began shouting the final countdown. Levi and Naira were running around, more energetic than we were.

Jake grabbed me, taking me by surprise. He cupped my face. My hands seized his forearms and I met his eyes, so fucking in love.

"19, 18, 17…" Our friends continued counting.

"This year," Jacob said in a rush, his eyes boring into mine. "This is the big year for us."

I nodded, swallowing back tears of happiness.

"16, 15, 14…"

"Our first year…this coming year…we're going to be together, bonded till we die…_married_." He smiled, taking my breath away again.

I sighed dreamily and my smile nearly split my face in half. "You'll be mine."

"13, 12, 11…"

"And you'll be mine," he whispered.

"10!" The amount of people counting down increased, as did the volume of the voices.

I shivered- our first kiss of the New Year was approaching! It would be the first kiss of the year that would officially be the beginning of the rest of our lives. I couldn't fathom it, still! Nothing would hit, until I said 'I do.'

"5, 4…"

"Never to be separated again." I smiled, standing on my tiptoes, prepared to kiss him.

"3!"

"You've got me for eternity, Bella," he said, pulling me closer.

"1!"

Jacob and I immediately met halfway for a kiss, my body mashing against his. We kissed passionately, feeling all the fire of the promise we'd make this year moving through each other…_to_ each other. A promise not to be broken once I walked down that aisle.

We kissed to a chorus of Happy New Years, rowdy noisemakers and fireworks blasting off in succession on the beach below us, completely lost in each other.

I could see the colors of the fireworks illuminate everything before I closed my eyes and gripped the back of Jake's head, tugging at his hair to pull him closer, still kissing him. I pulled away, breathless. "I love you."

"I love you too," he said against my lips before resting his head on top of mine as my arms wrapped around his body. Comfortably, we watched the rest of the fireworks, an arrangement of reds and golds and greens and blues, any color imaginable, lighting up the sky, seeming to spread out as the light from them reflected in the ocean below us.

I glanced around me, seeing others engaged in similar positions, Emily and Sam with their kids between them, my father holding Sue and my mother holding Phil's hands, while hugging a sobbing Billy.

I tensed, overcome with a wave of sadness. Jake noticed and patted my hair, kissing my head. "He'll be fine. He proposed to my mother on New Years and every year without her, it's like this on the first of the year," Jake whispered into my hair. I was so focused on Jake's heartbeat beating against my ear that it drowned out the sounds of the final stream of fireworks and I could hear his voice perfectly. "He's happy…look." I turned my head to see Billy smiling and wiping his tears away, talking with Charlie, before they faced me and Jake, wearing matching smiles.

As the others headed back up the steps, Jacob and I stayed on the cliff below the deck, holding each other. I was really taking in his existence- this warmth, feeling him here, knowing he's real, and I'm not dreaming like I had in the past.

My phone vibrated in my pocket, startling me. I retrieved the device to read the text messages I'd received. One was from Brian congratulating me and Jacob, apologizing for not making it, and wishing me a Happy New Year. I wasn't going to ask how he knew. I assumed Ashley or someone had contacted him. I also received one from Alice- a Happy New Years wish from the Cullen's.

I'd have to tell them, if they didn't already know. I'm sure they did.

I tucked my phone away and refocused my attention on Jacob as he joked, "They're moment-ruiners aren't they?" I laughed, sinking into his chest once again and wrapping my arms tightly around him.

Autumn leaned over the railing, peering down at us. "We're about to clean up!" She yelled over the noise of glasses tinkling as the others toasted, having the first round of drinks of the New Year. "Here's something to wind things down." I was puzzled. Jake's eyes glimmered with mischief. "And it's for you and Jake." She raised her glass to us before turning back to the others and doing the same. A chorus of congrats and well wishes filled our ears as our friends drank to us. Jake and I laughed.

'Let's Get Married' by Jagged Edge was the song Autumn was referring to. I snorted and Jake let out an adorable laugh, his cheeks darkening. "You requested this, didn't you?" I grinned.

"It's my song to you," he smiled, pulling me to him so we could slow dance.

I was so in love.

I was undeniably and irrevocably in love with Jacob Black. I'm sure my body language, my expressions, and my smile gave it all away.

_All the years we put into this relationship_

We danced on the cliff with grass tickling our feet, beneath the glow of the moon, stars and the faint outside lights set on the deck where our friends and family were located, people that were included in a future I was ready for. A future I wasn't scared of- a future I wanted, one I was excited for. A future I was absolutely, positively sure I wanted.

I laced the fingers of one of my hands with Jacob's. His free hand shifted from my back to my waist to pull me closer so we were pressed completely against one another, eyes linked.

It was our first dance of the New Year. A year to change our lives permanently. The official start of our forever was going to begin in months.

A forever that begins and ends with each other.

I kissed Jacob as the song finished. "So, how about that alcohol at my apartment?"

"I've got something even better for you…" He lowered his voice suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows.

I pulled away. "And where is this…_package_ located."

"Oh, you know," he shrugged, wrapping an arm around me. I glided my hand across his stomach, feeling the firm skin of his abdominal muscles that had been hidden from me from far too long beneath his shirt as we headed back, said goodbye to the others, and finally walked back to the cars.

"Is it by any chance located…" I caught him off guard and cupped his crotch. "Here?" He stiffened. I gave him a naughty smile as I squeezed him again, this time causing him to bite his lip to hold back what I'm sure was a moan. His eyes were clouded with lust.

He removed my hand, straining a smile that quickly tuned into a smirk. "How'd you know?"

I lowered my voice seductively. "Call it a lucky guess." I scraped my nails down his chest.

He threw me over his shoulder, carrying me the rest of the way to the car and seconds later we were strapped in and headed home to celebrate the New Year together, alone_._

_Cause it's been too many days  
Since I first held you  
But to me it feels just like  
It feels like a lifetime  
I'm trying hard to re-arrange  
Some say it's the hardest thing to do  
But that's just too many days without you_

* * *

(A/N: **This story is definitely NOT over, not until a chapter has the word 'Epilogue' in its title- remember that**!)


	35. Closure

Disclaimer: What you recognize belongs to Stephenie Meyer, still, sadly. Lol. There is music in this chapter: Bella's Lullaby- Carter Burwell and Edward actually writes a song for Jacob/Bella: Saving Josh- Trevor Morris. Love the Way You Lie- Eminem feat. Rihanna inspired the scene at the end…mainly the way it sounds. Links to those songs located in my profile.

(A/N: Thanks for the reviews, faves, alerts, and to **meetjay88** for being my 1,100th reviewer! =O More people than usual posted anonymous reviews- get an account and sign in folks so I can reply back to you personally =) An anonymous reviewer 'speechless' left a phenomenal review and I can't respond back to her =( _**Pay attention to the dates**_. **Again: check out my JB-n-Pack group for the story- I post graphics and teasers there. NTL is there if something happens to it here. Links in profile. A bunch of graphics for this chapter are already over there.**)

* * *

**Chapter 33: Closure**

_5 weeks before the wedding- end of April_

_Bella, Kyle, Ashley, and Angela's 'place of work'_

_(Bella's POV)_

For the past few months, Jacob and I had been basically nonstop busy preparing for the wedding.

I realized it was getting to me. I was _exhausted_.

Our invitations were typed with beautiful calligraphy on rich brown paper, and a black tie adorned each with a jeweled pin. They were incased in white, see-through paper, with a cream-colored bow tie on top. They'd finally been sent out. We'd been running behind on that.

The area we selected for the wedding was literally around the corner from me and Jake's property…_our_ house, which he said was almost completed. I wasn't allowed to see it; I hadn't since he proposed. It was going to be his wedding gift to me, so I'd have to learn how to have some patience.

Kyle said my dress was done, but I wasn't given a chance to look at it in the mirror. In fact, they'd blindfolded me and then checked to be sure it fit it all the right places. I wouldn't see the dress on me until the day of the wedding, and all I had to do was make sure I didn't gain any weight, which was easy for me since it was difficult for me to put on even a few pounds because I was so little.

Everything was complete, except for decorating and food, bridesmaid dresses (they were going to be gold), and Jake and I _still_ had to oversee everything.

I was sitting in our kitchen at the bar with Jacob, Billy, Charlie, who called my mother every five seconds to approve of various little things as we decided on the style of the cakes and other desserts, as well as a dinner menu. Emily would actually be assisting with the platters, incorporating traditional food of the tribe as well as whatever Jake and I wanted, but my co-workers were in charge of making most of the food, since they were catering.

I wanted to create the cake but Ashley and Kyle, being a bit more forward and demanding than Angela, said there was _no fucking way_. As in, Jake and I would decide all the little details, but they'd put it together, asking for our approval. It was, after all, their job to cook.

All of the bridesmaids, who I decided to be Chimera, Ashley, Angela, Rachel, Rebecca, and Leah, were assisting with decorations, with Autumn, my maid of honor, as leader, since that's what the maid of honor is instructed to do in traditional weddings. We were using one of the older, more elegant houses on the Reservation with permission from the owner, who was away with his family for summer vacation. We'd been keeping it clean as instructed. We would dress there. Its huge, wood covered porch that wrapped around two sides of the home would be where the reception would be held. A sand-made walkway would lead down to the beach, where the wedding would take place. It was such a gorgeous location; I couldn't wait to see the finished product.

But, I'd been so busy I couldn't even daydream about my wedding. I had to keep my job and see Jacob when I could; most of the time, the only times we saw each other were around people. I was also busy with organizing the wedding and trying to spend time with my friends and family. Alone time with just me, or even me with Jacob, was rare. I hadn't had sex with him in a couple of weeks. Before that, at the high point of all the planning, we went nearly one month without 'going all the way;' we only had time to fool around. The most recent time had been …intense.

I'm talking, shoving me against the wall the second he got home and hardly removing any clothes the first round- that pants down, skirt up, underwear pushed to the side cliché you see in the movies, before rough, animalistic, sweaty, not even making it to my bedroom, sex.

But now, since the wedding was so close, we decided to refrain from actual intercourse until our week long honeymoon, where we would have a go at positions we hadn't tried yet. It was sexually exciting just to imagine the things we would do…

So, with all the stress, I wanted sex, couldn't have it, but found myself turning him down for a fucking _make out session_ this past week. I'd wanted it, then didn't. Needless to say, he'd been pretty peeved that night.

The stress was getting to me. I was tired, and I could hardly keep my food down.

I focused on the discussions going on around me again, my ears somehow catching my father and Billy first, as they argued over the type of cakes Jake and I had chosen: marble or vanilla, I kid you not, and I was snacking on a bowl of spinach leaves.

Jake was staring at me with an eyebrow arched, wearing his 'what the fuck, my fiancée is a psychotic bitch' look.

I was fucking stressed. And I couldn't gain even a pound to fit in that damn dress!

I glared at him, letting him know he couldn't understand the lengths a girl goes through to keep a nice body, before concentrating on Kyle and Ashley as they explained our layered vanilla cake, describing it'd be garnished with frosting-made flowers and jewels. The top would be piled with roses, tulips, and various aesthetically pleasing flowers made from butter cream icing. This cake would be the wedding cake- not the 'cakes on the side,' but the bride and groom's cake. Ashley was showing us the design in the book…and I had never craved a baked treat more in my life.

* * *

_Two weeks before the wedding- Mid May_

_Bella's apartment, around 10am_

It was too early to be going over the reception and ceremony's playlists. Couldn't we do this at, like, one in the afternoon, so I could sleep?

"Bella," Autumn interrupted my thoughts, seated on my apartment's living room couch. She peeked at me over her laptop, occupied with adjusting the playlist for the wedding that Jake and I had put together a few days ago. I was curled up in the recliner near the couch. Brooke was directly beside her, her mouth moving rapidly, as she read the song titles and artists to herself with a smile. "Bella," Autumn startled me again, and I pushed the covers aside, since they were bundled up to my neck. "You slept, like, twelve hours last night. Wake the fuck up."

Oh, I'd complained out loud.

I rolled my eyes. "Autumn," I whined, raking my hands through my hair. "It's just a lot to handle! It's two weeks away!"

"And it's going to be perfect!" Brooke cut in, voice stern.

I ignored her. I knew it would be. I just wanted it to happen already! It was such a long wait! And to think years ago I'd been so against the idea of a wedding. "I've been non-stop busy."

Autumn narrowed her eyes. "We've _all_ been busy. And since the boys are working on the house, the girls are stuck with the rest, or at least most of what's left to do. After the wedding, things will calm down."

"Can we speed it up?" I sat forward on the chair. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I want to get married! I'm losing my mind!"

"Hey," Brooke snapped. "Stop being such a whiny bitch, sweetheart." She added the last word sweetly, letting me know she was only angry with me at the moment. "You and Jacob's wedding is going to be perfection. Go eat something. It'll wake you up."

I stood to my feet, pacing. "I could hardly keep down that blueberry bagel with the amazing, delicious, hazelnut cream cheese you picked up from Panera!" My mouth was wateringthinking about that meal. "And the orange juice!"

"Yeah, I know," Autumn scowled. "You almost didn't make it to the toilet."

"…And now, you're bitchy," Brooke said angrily. "Sit down. We should be done in a couple of hours." She glanced at the screen and her mouth dropped open. "There are a lot of songs to sort through."

Autumn's eyes were on Brooke. "Tell me about it. And we have to narrow them down." She turned her gaze to me. "Bella, get off your lazy ass and help."

I was overcome with another wave of exhaustion and I felt like shit suddenly. I grabbed the blanket I was shrouded in from the chair and collected it in my arms.

"Where are you going?" Autumn snarled. "The DJ wants this tomorrow night. We have to send it to him then, no later, or he's closing the deal."

I yawned unintentionally. Damn it. "Let me sleep for, like, two hours." I stumbled back towards my room, wrapping the blanket around me. My stomach was aching.

Brooke scoffed. Autumn sighed and shut the laptop. She whispered something to Brooke, who nodded, but not without glaring at me first. Autumn's features softened the second her eyes fell on me. "Jesus Christ, you do look like shit. Get some rest, we'll stop by tomorrow. Early, at 8 am, and if you complain…" She stood up, approached me, and pointed a finger at me. "…I'll beat the crap out of you. So…don't." I knew she wouldn't, but I knew that her tone meant I better be awake by then…or I'd receive a verbal beating.

I'd taken naps every day for the past couple of weeks, something I rarely did. And they were long naps, not twenty minute cat naps, but anywhere from one to four hours. Most of the time it'd been because sometimes we'd stay out late or be up early for wedding preparations. My sleeping patterns were way off because of that, and things had been stressful for months. Now, the wedding was around the corner and we were finalizing everything. Stress piles up by then.

I hugged my disgruntled, ever patient friends, good bye and told Autumn to wake me up in three hours, if I wasn't up by then. She said it wouldn't be necessary, with a small, sly smile.

Great.

* * *

_About two hours later_

I was deep asleep, _pleasantly asleep_, but haunted with dreams of things I could barely make out and couldn't understand. The dream turned cold…I'd been dying and there was blood…and a cry from something, and then everything turned to ice- ice everywhere- falling down, freezing me, locking me in so that I couldn't breathe.

I groggily began to wake up from the dream. I was cold, still, and the coolness was on my shoulder, spreading to my back the longer it was held there. I was being shaken awake. I blinked rapidly, opening my eyes to get a view of my mattress directly in front of my line of sight; I was lying on my stomach.

I slowly rolled over, stretching, the freezing _whatever_ gone now. I closed my eyes again, before they opened wide when I felt the icy _thing_ brush against my knee as I turned over to greet whatever _it_ was.

I jumped, falling back into my pillow. "Alice!"

She smiled. "Hey, Bella."

"W-What…what are you doing here?" I grinned, the shock fading away as rapidly as it had arrived.

She was wearing a white, low cut dress, and her short hair was gelled back, sticking to her head in a small ponytail. Bright gold eyes stared back at me.

Something was going on. Alice was _dressed up_.

I came to my senses and hugged her tightly. I forced myself to not flinch from the cold and pulled away. She stood up and darted to my closet. "Alice, can you give me an explanation, please? I haven't seen you…_God_, I hadn't seen you since junior year at NYU, right?"

She gave me thumbs up as an answer. "You're coming to dinner," she called over her shoulder.

My mouth gaped. "What?"

"We received your invitation. We can't go to your wedding, mainly because it's going to be sunny that day; I saw it. Not to mention, what could arise with the wolves..." She spoke rapidly, moving just as quickly, searching through my clothes.

"Alice." She paused, clutching my fanciest pair of skinny jeans- black washed- and a white blouse, the most delicate one I owned. "Jacob said it was okay if your family was there."

"I know that, Bella," she sighed, folding my clothes on the bed. She'd gotten better at picking them out. This was one of my favorite outfits. She even dug for a pair of wedges to go with it, knowing I wouldn't like heels. "But, the sunlight…not in front of your family and the humans that don't _know_."

I slapped my forehead, realizing she'd said that earlier. "Oh, yeah." I angled my head towards her, hands in my lap. "What about the reception? It's on the porch, but it's covered and…"

Alice leaned over the bed and gazed into my eyes. "Bella, we can't. That would make them uncomfortable. It'd make…_Jacob_ uncomfortable and you know it. So, Esme decided we'd make you dinner. We're even dressing up for you," she pleaded, pouting.

I was dazed as I looked into her eyes. "You're well fed."

She blinked and chuckled. "We went this weekend. We didn't want any accidents, not like before, at least." Ah, my 18th birthday party at their house. What a year that was…

A silence passed between us, her eyes boring into mine. I released a deep breath I'd been holding. "Let me shower. I'll meet you downstairs in twenty minutes."

She let out what sounded like a high pitched version of 'yes!' and then rushed out of my room.

I had a feeling I wouldn't be seeing the Cullen's again after tonight. Ever again. I know I'd keep in touch, but something about this was final, and it saddened me.

* * *

Alice had upgraded to the newest Porsche available. It was still yellow, but…brand-spanking-new.

The Cullen's house was near Seattle. They'd moved back, but Alice said it wouldn't be for long. They'd been there for just a few months. I'd known that because of the conversations I had with Edward, but this would be the first time I'd seen them, even when they were only a couple of hours away.

The concrete drive way led up to yet another jaw-dropping, normal-people-can't-afford-this house. This was bigger than the one I used to spend most of my days in when I was with Edward. It was made of stone with gray roofing and high ceilings. Trees surrounded the house- a thick blanket of browns and greens- with a perfectly manicured lawn to complete it. Columns supported the roof over the walkway to the front door.

They'd updated there cars, and I spotted an unrecognizable one. An Audi R8 I think? The sexy one all the celebs drive? It'd been in one of the new movies recently released and the guys were obsessed with it. Jacob's dream was to own one, but he'd have to settle for his Mustang. Not that he was complaining.

As Alice and I passed the vehicle, I gazed at the car's silver exterior and black interior, and realized who the car must belong to.

Summer. I couldn't believe I'd forgotten about her.

I'd finally get to meet her.

As Alice led me into the foyer that practically glowed it was such a bright white, I glanced at the winding stairs in front of me, leading to the upper levels, and a part of me felt threatened by Summer. Edward was with her, when he'd promised to love me forever. Not that he would ever stop loving me, nor would I stop loving him, but…I was being selfish. I needed to stop. She better be perfect for him. He deserved nothing less.

Alice clutched my hand and leaned in to whisper in my ear. "Edward and Summer are exploring the grounds, Emmett has gone to pick up some last minute food items, and Esme, Rosalie and Carlisle are in the kitchen." Rosalie was cooking…for me? "As for Jasper…" Her eyes flickered to the stairs and she smiled. "He's right here."

She glided over to greet Jasper with a kiss as he descended the stairs, eventually stopping at the foot. He looked like a gentleman in his full suit, and hair hanging over his ears.

"Bella," he nodded towards me. I smiled widely and gave him a hug that he _returned_. It was brief, but it was progress.

Jasper grasped Alice's hand and I followed them to the kitchen as he updated me on what he'd been doing- a history teacher at several universities.

Alice pushed through the kitchen doors, announcing," I didn't kidnap her! She came willingly."

I heard a chorus of laughter and peered around the couple in front of me to get a good look at the kitchen. It was nothing but medium dark washed wood, and brown and white marbled counters. Simple, but fitting, and above all else, beautiful.

Carlisle was making a salad, and was clothed in a button down shirt, navy blazer and gray scarf. He was movie star handsome like I remembered. Behind him was Esme with her back to me as she pulled a loaf of bread out of the oven. She was stunning as usual with her honey blonde hair flowing just past her shoulders and her back exposed from the black-blue dress she was wearing. Rosalie stood out, and I couldn't believe my eyes hadn't found her first. She was wearing a bright red, form fitting dress, with her hair in natural curls.

I spoke up. "You're making all of this for me, and you aren't going to eat a thing."

"We might," Rosalie smiled slightly, eying me as Esme greeted me with a kiss on the cheek, balancing two trays with ease in her hands.

Carlisle draped an arm over my shoulder. "Good to see you again, Bella." He patted my back and walked away, sending me a smile over his shoulder. "On good terms this time."

I laughed, sucking in a deep breath. "Yeah, finally."

"You're definitely more relaxed around us that you were then," Jasper said from his position next to Alice. He eyed me suspiciously. "There is something…different about you though."

Alice slapped his arm playfully. "Can we stop analyzing everything about her? I think you're scaring her." Alice's eyes flickered to mine. She was worried.

I shook my head. "Oh, no, no. God no! No, he's not. I'm stressed. He must've picked up on that."

"It's not that," Jasper said, almost low enough that I couldn't hear.

I felt different, but I was stressed and sick, so…that was that.

"Appetizer?" Rosalie held up a tray of deviled eggs. I looked into her eyes; they were soft, not the usual glare I was used to. I was glad she didn't hate me as much anymore, although she once said she had never actually hated me. It was envy. "I hope they're good. I made them myself." She looked away as I took one.

I ate the thing in two bites, and it _was_ tasty."Just the right amount of spices." I gave her a friendly smile. She shot me a half smile before ambling away to gather their best china for me to use.

Alice winked at me, proud that Rosalie had yet to say anything harsh to me. My eyes told her 'Did you say something to her?' Momentarily, Alice appeared to be confused, even surprised I'd ask such a thing, but then she shook her head.

So, Rosalie was behaving on her own terms. It _had_ been years since I'd seen her though...

"This is going to be the last time I see all of you isn't it," I blurted out. "I mean…ever."

They stopped what they were doing to look at me.

"Yes," Carlisle, as usual, was the first to speak. "But, we'd never lose touch with you permanently."

My eyes welled with tears. _Damn emotions_.

Alice put in a few words. "And if somewhere down the road it gets to the point where you miss us so much you'd like to see us, we will visit…"

Esme wiped her hands with a dish towel and watched me with soothing eyes. "We think it's time for you to move on from this for good."

Tears were streaming down my face. "Bella," Alice rushed to my side and dabbed my eyes with a towel. "It's nothing to be sad about. Like Carlisle said, we will never cut you off completely or leave without telling you, like before."

I nodded, wiping my eyes with my hands after batting the towel away, glad I hadn't worn makeup. "I know, I just…I've been a mess lately and I apologize. Little things get to me, but most of the time I've been a bitch, and nothing more," I laughed quietly, hoping somehow I'd lightened the mood.

They smiled and the atmosphere wasn't as tense as before. Success.

My stomach rumbled. All I'd eaten was that egg and the bagel this morning, which I'd thrown up, sadly. I have a feeling the cream cheese may have been out of date, but I didn't notice…

More food sounded wonderful.

And the bread smelled delectable as I whisked past it in the kitchen.

Emmett made his entrance as I was making a plate. The Cullen's were conversing in the living room, where I'd soon join them. They'd wanted me to sit at the dining room table, and they'd sit with me, but the formality of that and the fact that they wouldn't be eating, bothered me, so I convinced them to sit in the living room.

"Bella Swan…or is it Bella Black?" Emmett's deep voice came from behind me. I whirled around to face him. His dimples were proudly shown, and he wore sleek, black dress pants, and a checkered shirt. He was happy, not that Emmett was ever really unhappy, it seemed. He was always the more energetic, funnier member of the Cullen family.

I smiled brightly. "You can call me Bella Black if you'd like." I opened my arms for a hug and he chuckled, leaning down to lift me off my feet in an almost bone-crushing hug.

I turned around and picked at the green beans, which looked appetizing, despite the fact that I wasn't a big fan of them. Emmett chatted happily about all the places he and Rosalie had gone over the years and the people they'd met, all while he helped me with my dessert tray.

I wanted that chocolate cake immediately.

"Emmett, really, I'll be out in the living room in a second." I grinned up at him. "You can go on…and take my plate if you must." I rolled my eyes, faking annoyance.

"Are you sure you're going to eat all of that?" He gestured to my heaping dish of dinner and to the plate of desert in his hand of nearly equal size.

I glared at him as he reached for a medium-rare piece of steak. "I'm hungry." I pulled my plate away just as his fingers brushed against the food.

"Fine," he growled, feigning aggravation. He childishly stuck his tongue out at me as he left the kitchen, sauntering to the living room. I chuckled and followed him. He and Jake would get along if there wasn't the whole species barrier thing going on between them.

The living room had a high ceiling comprised of wood, formed in the shape of a polygon, with the balcony of the second floor overlooking it. The windows were those enormous floor-to-ceiling windows similar to those in my bedroom and Kyle's work room. A chandelier hung over a spacious sitting area where the Cullen's, minus Edward and Summer, were seated. As I entered the living room, Carlisle said they should be here within minutes, almost like he could read my facial expressions.

I took the space next to Emmett, who'd stolen a homemade, chocolate chip cookie off my plate. Even vampires could appreciate chocolate. It _does_ contain the same chemicals released during sex, apparently, and I'm sure Rosalie and Emmett had gotten 'kinky' with chocolate.

I didn't want to think too much about that though. It was weird and…wrong.

My back was to a stone fireplace, which wasn't lit, so several shivers ran through me. Jasper, Alice, and Rosalie perched on the couch across from me. Carlisle and Esme sat in chairs to the left of me, and behind them was a beautiful, black, grand piano. I could almost hear Edward's lullaby for me echoing in my ears as I studied the instrument.

This was hard. I was truly and completely letting go of the Cullen's. I'd already 'ended' my romantic feelings for Edward years ago, after my graduation, although they still existed. It had been more of an 'I will always love you, and have feelings for you, but we aren't meant to be together, we're meant for someone else, who we love far more than we ever loved each other.'

It broke my heart in a way, but I knew it was necessary- let go of the Cullen's and start a life with Jacob.

And I wanted nothing more than to officially begin my life with Jacob.

I took a few bites of bread, steak, and fresh fruit, as well as another deviled egg, unable to resist, as the Cullen's chatted amongst each other and with me.

That's when my stomach rumbled again.

Just like this morning. Fabulous.

I stood up, clutching my mouth, feeling the bile in my throat. "Excuse me…bathroom now…" I ran up the stairs before any of them could react, hearing the front doors open just as I rounded a corner.

Shit, where was the bathroom…

Within a second, I heard voices, and suddenly cold arms encircled me and carried to the bathroom with such speed everything was a blur. My hair was pulled back by unknown hands as I retched into the toilet.

Disgusting.

And that food was so good.

It must've been food poisoning…definitely poisoning.

Although I'd been getting sick for weeks…

Wait a minute…it must've been that hamburger at the little joint in Port Angeles a few days ago…and before that maybe the fish from Fork's diner…maybe…

Or stress.

Damn stress. They say stress can kill.

This wedding. Stress. Definitely.

Couldn't we just get it over with, so I could stop feeling sick all the time?

When I finally finished emptying the contents my stomach, I was gazing around the room, eyes taking in nothing but beige, off white marble and wood. The hands on me were gone. I stood up, moving to the sink, not without inspecting the view through the windows- the thicket of trees.

I washed my face and rinsed my mouth, hunched over the sink.

Someone was still in here.

There was a body beside me when my eyes drifted back to the mirror.

A brunette with golden eyes, skin a few shades lighter than mine, and ruby red lips, was in the room with me.

I twisted around, startled, and met her eyes.

It felt like I was still looking in the mirror, and the face that was staring back was me…as a vampire. It couldn't be…

Summer. I was frozen in place, gawking at this creature.

She was…breathtakingly beautiful. Dark brown hair past her shoulders, high cheekbones, naturally arched eyebrows, full lips, curves displayed in her form fitting dark blue dress. She looked delicate, fragile almost…like me.

I shook my head. "I'm staring, I'm sorry."

She smiled. A set of pearly white teeth appeared. "I can understand that this might be a little alarming for you."

I sighed heavily. "You're…like I dreamed I would look like after my change." She tilted her head, bewildered, a small smile tugging at her lips. I tried to explain. "Recently, actually, for years, I've been having these dreams about me, even before I left Edward and chose…"

"The werewolf?"

My eyes widened. Of course she would know. "Yes. Anyways, in these dreams, I was looking in a mirror…and I couldn't keep my hands off my face because of what I saw in the reflection." I hadn't told anyone this. "I…'vampire me' looked a lot like you."

She chuckled. "I guess Edward really does prefer brunettes."

I blushed. Her voice was soft and I detected a twinge of a British accent in it. Where had he found her?

"She moved from England to the states one year…frequently actually." Edward.

I faced him, smiling, admiring how drop dead (ha) gorgeous he looked in his crisp, white, button down shirt and navy pea coat. A tiny tremor coursed through me when I saw him.

I cautiously stepped towards him and fell into his familiar embrace, resting my head on his chest, wrapping my arms around him. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, my tummy's just a bit upset." I breathed deeply. "I missed you," I whispered into his jacket before pulling away.

"I missed you too." He grinned

He took Summer's hand and I followed them downstairs "It appears you two were getting acquainted. Summer this is…"

"Isabella Swan," she finished for him, glancing at me.

We were almost the same height. She was slightly taller than me, and she wasn't wearing heels, which made me feel better.

I rejoined their family downstairs and was bombarded with many questions about the state I was in. I answered the same every time, repeating, 'I'm fine.' I ate my meal slowly, praying that would help, and I ate it all, only sharing with Emmett a few times. Okay, not sharing, more like he stole from my plate quick enough so I wouldn't catch him.

Conversation flowed easily, unlike the last time I'd been with all of them. I was completely content in their presence.

My eyes couldn't help but watch Edward and Summer's interaction as they sat together on the love seat, her hands occasionally brushing against his and him giving her a make-your-knees- weak-if-you're-a-human smile.

He loved her. And it made me bubble with this…_happiness_ for him. He'd looked so broken after the whole ordeal with the Volturi and after I'd chosen Jacob, so seeing him like this…it was definitely refreshing.

Jacob…I really missed him, already. I doubted he'd want to see me. I'd been snappy lately. He'd forgive me, eventually.

Summer. Summer was the prettier, vamp-ified version of me. I could see it. It was intriguing, yet frightening, to watch her and Edward.

Because a few weeks ago, I began to have these dreams, dreams I kept to myself, and didn't even write on paper, afraid bringing them into this world in any form would make them real. Dreams that were more than what I told Summer.

They were dreams of a child that didn't belong to Jacob…me and Edward's child. Some demonic being that shouldn't exist because vampires can't impregnate humans, even if they can impregnate werewolves, something I was still struggling to understand. My life was with Edward in these dreams, but it was like the body was vamp-Bella and the mind was me, the one that belonged to Jacob.

My daughter, named some ridiculous name I didn't dare think of, had been Jacob's imprint.

Now, that was fucked up.

I didn't like him belonging to anyone else, although Bella in the dream wouldn't do what I wanted her to do- lash out, scream, anything.

After the dreams became common, I came to the conclusion that they were visions of the life I would have had with Edward. Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of night, grasping around for Jacob and his warmth to be sure it was a dream and nothing more.

I was always relieved when my hand found his in the darkness and I could see his body moving up and down with every breath he took. I would clutch his hand, soaking in the warmth I was so familiar with, thanking the heavens he was the one I was with, and not Edward or some other guy. Even in sleep he'd sense my need for him, the need to feel him there, beside me, and he'd always squeeze my hand back, even in such a deep slumber. And I would fall back to sleep without a single _nightmare_ afterwards.

I had a feeling these dreams would disappear today. Something about this dinner with the Cullen's was the closure I needed.

I could see myself in Summer, almost, and I was watching Edward live his life with another girl he loved that wasn't me. He was happy, not lonely, which was what I desired most for him.

Any dreams of me as a vampire would be gone for good. My life had been on another path for years now.

It was what I needed.

I don't know how I'd managed to keep down my dessert, but I did, even with an upset stomach.

Edward asked me to walk with him around the grounds. I complied, knowing a conversation between us as good friends was due.

This would be the last one I'd have with him physically with me for a while…ever, maybe.

I knew that I was strong enough to handle the Cullen's leaving again and never coming back now. It didn't mean I wouldn't miss them, and it definitely didn't mean my memories of them would vanish, but I would _live_, unlike the first time. I'd barely gotten out alive. I would've been dead, or an empty shell of myself, if my sun hasn't stepped in and saved me.

What I couldn't deal with, ever again, was being away from Jacob, and our friends and family. I couldn't survive it this time, as horrible as that sounded. I did before, and I was proud of myself, as did he, but never again.

I took Edward's arm as we walked over the stones, following a path into their massive backyard made up of streams, woods, flowers, and even a few wooden bridges. _Oh the things one can do with so much money…_

The sun was peeking through the clouds, and the sky was less menacing than when I arrived. Typical Seattle weather included rain, so it's not like I was struck dumb when there was the impending sign of a storm in the air.

Edward and I were silent for a bit, hardly paying attention to the mist that fell from the skies. It was comfortable silence as we strolled along, my hand latched onto his arm. I'd thankfully gotten used to the coldness, even in just a few hours.

"She's beautiful, Edward," I broke the silence, smiling.

"Did it…scare you, in a way?"

"A bit." I shrugged. "She…looks like me. It's…interesting." That was the best word I could think of.

"Maybe you look like her. Seeing her again, and loving her, believe it or not, I didn't even compare you to her." He looked at me, with wide eyes. "Not to sound rude! I don't mean…"

I smiled at him. "I know what you mean. You knew her before you were turned. Maybe somewhere in your mind, when you saw me, you thought of her, even if you weren't aware of it."

He was silent for a moment, pondering what I'd said. "It could be, but…I do love you. I loved you, like I love her…"

"…We just weren't meant to be," I finished for him. _That higher being above does work in mysterious ways_…

"That He does," Edward chuckled, picking up on my thoughts. I'd almost forgotten he could read my mind.

He laughed again at my thoughts and I joined him for a few seconds

Catching my breath, we continued our conversation. "So, you're finally getting married." Edward smirked.

I was taken aback that he'd mentioned the wedding. "Yes, I am." I found myself smiling. "And I'm walking down the aisle this time." I squeezed his arm. "No offense."

"None taken," he said, sincerely, grinning.

We traveled back the house, discussing random things, from their property to the craziness that was a part of the whole package of hanging with the Pack.

I had to ask before we were at the door, "Does she have a power?" I quickly added in my mind, _Summer_, so he wasn't confused.

He squinted, thinking. "She feels presences…ghostly, other worldly, human, supernatural, everything. She can walk into a building, stay in one room, and accurately count up within a fraction of a second the people inside the entire building. It's fascinating. Carlisle loves having her work at the hospital, especially on the maternity floors."

"So, she can pick up the presence of an unborn child before the mother's aware?" I pursed my lips, envisioning that scenario. "She's like a pregnancy test."

He chuckled. "She's also quite experienced at blocking her thoughts and the thoughts of others from me, like a shield."

"Didn't Carlisle, or Alice, or someone, think that may have been my power as a vampire?"

Our eyes locked. "Yes."

I let go of that snippet of conversation..."So, she has multiple powers." I was stunned. "Awesome." My response made Edward laugh again.

Back inside, we returned to the others in the living room, and Edward played a new piece on the piano that he'd recently completed

He said he'd written it for me and Jacob. I could picture Jacob's hilarious reaction to that.

The most shocking, and even overwhelming thing, was that the music he played, the music for Jacob and I, was beautiful…glorious, heartbreaking, and _euphoric_. Sadness, anger, separation, loneliness, a feeling of despair. Like it was written only for Jacob and I- what we were feeling through our years apart and our time together. Jacob's feelings when I was Edward's, my feelings when he was Chimera's.

I didn't know how he did it, but Edward captured it in his music.

I knew that he could read Jacob's mind and I'm sure he picked my mind completely the first time we realized he could read it.

I closed my eyes, lost in the music, something that normally happens to those who love music, or those, like me, that have heard Edward play.

I was crying silently, even at the beginning, begging him to put it on a CD for me. Summer was one step ahead of me. She tenderly placed the CD in my palm, holding my hand tightly in hers. Her skin was almost as soft as Autumn's.

I was entranced by the music, envisioning every moment with Jacob since I met him. Like a movie in my head for the good six minutes he played the song.

The few memories I had of Jacob and me as children, where he'd follow his sisters and me around. That moment, when he was ten years old, where he presented me with flowers, and every time following that he'd give me something- a necklace, a locket, and eventually wood carvings as he came back into my life again as my best friend, the one to pull me from my darkness. Every moment with him before he changed, and every second in his presence after, hurting him, him hurting me. The kiss, him battling for my heart, his face when he was aware I wasn't choosing him, my epiphany and the eventual escape from my wedding to Edward, eventually finding myself in Jacob's arms where I belonged. The love we shared, that feeling of true, unchangeable, untouchablehappiness. His skin against mine, the way he made me feel every moment we were together, intimately or not. Finding out about 'his girls.' Hurt. Heartbreak. Forgiveness.

The pain I felt leaving him. The pain I still remembered after seeing him collapse in his sister's arms. Sobs pouring from me every single night away from him. My attempts to move on, to feel whole again. Knowing it could never happen. Returning to him to find him with someone else I cared deeply about. The pain of watching him with her, knowing what they did, and soon finding out how much they meant to each other. Going behind everyone's back.

And finally, his final decision: _me_. Our reunion after so many years without each other's touch. Our promises to each other that _this was it_. There was no one else; there will never be anyone else. The engagement, the lovely weight of his mother's ring on my finger. The proof I was his.

A future of children, a home together, with our friends and family alongside us.

And a wedding, the final step to being bound for life, around the corner.

The last chords of the song rang in my ears and the room was silent when Edward finished. Absolute silence. I clapped as soon as my eyes snapped open, thankful, and the others joined in a polite applause, Emmett even throwing in a whistle.

I rushed to Edward's side and hugged him, whispering a 'thank you' into his neck. His response was a squeeze of my arm and waist.

The 'party' moved to the porch as the sun began to set.

I didn't realize I'd been there for so long.

The Cullen's stood, or sat in chairs, out of habit of practicing being humans. The deck had an enormous grilling area, complete with a sink and preparation area on the marble counter. They had a pool too, made of dark, fresh, non-chlorine water surrounded by various plants. A waterfall encased in stones emptied into the pool. Esme explained she spent time out here setting up everything on the porch, even forcing herself to go a little slower than her normal speed so she could relish in making it. After all, she happened to be an architect.

Moments later, my stomach finally couldn't take it, and the buildup in my throat was the sign I needed. I excused myself and once again vomited into the toilet of Summer and Edward's bathroom.

What the fuck was wrong with me? I better not have the flu. I was getting married soon! Just one more thing added on to my endless list of things to do: see a damn doctor…there was one here…but I couldn't even think too long on that before I felt a cold hand grip mine as I leaned over the sink and rinsed my mouth out for the third time that day. It was Rosalie. "Come with me into my room for a few minutes. I've been meaning to talk to you," she whispered.

I stared at her, amazed, before complying and grasping her hand as she led me into her and Emmett's room down the hallway; it was old fashioned with a simple, yet exquisite, color scheme. Fireplace, gray ceiling and walls with a chandelier, as well as a king sized bed with a brown comforter and a dark, wooden headboard.

She pushed me to a sitting area by the window-doors. She opened them, letting in a breeze from her balcony. I muttered a "thanks," and welcomed the wind, since I was still a little warm from being sick.

She watched me, eyes clearly concerned. "It's stress, Rosalie, I don't know what else it could be," I said from my place curled in a leather sitting chair. She sat on the steps that led to the windowed door to the balcony- it was higher than the sitting area. Half of her body was outside the open window. I ran my hands over my face. "It'll be over soon…two more weeks. Everything should be done within a week and a half so I can have a few days to rest, but it's…I have no time to myself, or with Jacob." I found myself spilling everything to Rosalie. "I haven't had sex in weeks, so I'm wound up, and my friends insist of keeping everything under wraps, I can't see the house Jake made for me…I can't see anything until my wedding day! And when I do have a chance with Jacob I'm either tired or I don't want sex, and then I'll be away from him in the most random of places, or near him in public where I can't do anything, and I actually want sex. I hardly eat and when I do, I get sick. You and your family made this amazing meal, and I could hardly eat it. It sucks," I complained… and complained…_and complained._ She cackled. Rosalie was _laughing_, rather hard too. "It's not funny," I spat.

"It kind of is. You should see yourself now." Her eyes finally landed on mine, turning away from the doors.

I took several deep breaths, rubbing my temples. "I'm sorry, Rosalie…you brought me to talk. What about?" I whispered, so low I could hardly hear myself. I'd calmed myself down enough to finally carry on a conversation with her.

"I…I'm very happy for you, Bella." She had such a sweet voice when she wasn't being the evil Ice Queen. I could've sworn I heard Edward laugh from outside at that thought. _Stop listening_, I demanded, and he abruptly stopped laughing. _Excellent._

I shook my head, clearing my thoughts. "Uh, thanks, I guess…" I scratched my scalp, a bit flattered, but put off that she'd say that. "No more hating me because I left your brother?"

She threw her head back, laughing. "Your sense of humor gets better every time I see you."

I giggled…what the fuck…I _giggled_. "Blame it on the wolves."

Rosalie swallowed a lump of what seemed to be disgust in her throat. "At this moment…" that bitchy voice was back. "I'm avoiding the temptation to say some rather vile things about those…_animals_, but…" Nice Rosalie resurfaced. "You are extraordinarily happy with him."

I smiled. "Yeah I am, more than I can say." Oh geez, I sounded dreamy.

He better be at the apartment when I get there, unless I scared him off with my attitude. I had to be PMSing, it was the only thing I could think of…and the stress.

"Speaking of that," The words came from my mouth out of nowhere. My eyes fell to the carpet. "Rosalie, I want…I haven't really thought much about this…I mean occasionally I have…but, my mind's been on other things…"

"Spit it out, Bella."

I met her eyes. She was staring at me intently. "When I have children, however far down the road that may be, I want to make you godmother."

Her face morphed into one of shock. "Where did that idea come from?"

"I-I don't mean it as an insult if that's what you're thinking. But, I know you lost that when you were changed, and a part of me wants to give you that chance to be a mother, in a way."

"Bella," shHow would that work out? We're leaving again soon and this is…goodbye, in case you've forgotten."

I nodded, solemnly. "I know, but you can be there when I have my first child. You can visit every year or so, or more…"

Her eyes shone with utter joy at the idea of holding an infant in her arms, but it immediately disappeared, and there was a sadness that remained. "Bella," she repeated. "That can't work. What you're doing is holding onto us because you're afraid you're going to lose us for good. We've agreed that if the time comes and you need us, we'll be there, but you have to live your own life with that mangy," she cleared her throat. "…with _Jacob_."

My eyes pooled with tears again. "Rosalie, just let me do this, okay, even if you never get to see the child again, make me this one promise. Be there at the birth of each of my children. Who knows, I might be some place where Carlisle has to deliver it!" I laughed, without humor. I would miss them, but I understood what she was saying.

She visibly swallowed before putting her mask back in place, returning to the Rosalie that hardly showed any emotion. "I'll be there for each birth…and you can tell your kids that they have a vampire as a godmother as they grow older." A smile teased the corner of her lips.

"Okay," I said, grinning. "Thank you. It means the world to me that you accept that." I couldn't help it; I walked over to her to hug her. She was slack and her arms didn't lift until the last few seconds when she stood to her feet and hugged me lightly, before pushing me away awkwardly.

"Thank you for giving me the chance. I wouldn't let a thing harm your children."

I smiled widely. "Neither would their daddy."

We laughed at the same time for a couple of seconds, before turning away from each other. I gazed out the window at the setting sun. "I can't wait to have kids. To start a family with him. It's…" My heart swelled. "Rosalie, it's a wonderful feeling to even think of having children." I shifted and sat across from her on the windowsill, reaching for her hand, as we watched the sun set together. She didn't look at me or respond to the touch, lost in her own world, so I returned my eyes to the forest. I kept talking, although I wasn't sure why. "The idea scared me to death and I didn't even consider it before I got involved with him, but now, I want this wedding. I want to be a wife. I want to have three beautiful kids with him, maybe more, although two is the least I'll accept." I smiled, lost in my thoughts.

That same vision was on my mind again and it resembled the beach and property our house was being built on.

My heart picked up speed thinking that it would happen. That that vision was becoming a reality, starting with the home he was building for us.

Rosalie wrapped her fingers around mine and squeezed.

* * *

I was back home around eight after sleeping the entire car ride from the Cullen's, my fingers entwined with Edward's. It was completely friendly, and metaphorically I knew it was me holding onto him, unwilling to lose him again, but knowing that he didn't mean as much to me he did before.

He woke me up as he dropped me off and leaned over to kiss my forehead, cupping my cheeks in a wordless goodbye.

I shut the car door behind me, watching him speed away until his car disappeared around the corner…watching my history with the Cullen's come to an end.

My heart was fine, but there was a small part of it Edward and his family took away that night. A part that wasn't broken, but wasn't fully mended either. A piece of my life had been ripped from me after his departure.

And it didn't kill me.

I headed inside, glad things had ended so well not only with Edward a few years ago, but with his family too, especially Rosalie. They wouldn't be involved so frequently in my life again. Edward said his entire family would call me maybe once a year to check up on me if I asked, and maybe, just maybe, they might visit. But never permanently, never for a few years, or even a year. They'd visit for a day and leave, and they'd only come if I asked them too. Carlisle promised I would always be a part of their family for as long as I lived, therefore they'd never cut me off completely. I would be the one to do so because I'd be so involved with my life without them. I would never forget, but I wouldn't cling to them like they were something I couldn't live without.

As I opened my apartment door, I realized there was only one person in this entire world I wanted to be with at the moment.

And he was in my apartment. I hadn't made him too mad. I don't think I ever could, even though we were known to have vicious fights every once in a while.

Jacob was here.

I felt light as air and completely relieved…the burden of the Cullen's gone for good. I couldn't ignore the subtle ache in my chest though.

Jake's shirt was slung over the couch. I hugged it to my chest, inhaling his scent as I searched the fridge for a water bottle, gulping the drink greedily. Jacob had written me a note on a napkin on the counter- a picture of a wolf's face, similar to Jake in wolf form, looking at me with literal puppy dog eyes. Jake's sloppy handwriting in the speech bubble above the wolf read 'I still love you.'

I used to be moved by long, romantic notes written on letter paper, left on my pillow or elsewhere by Edward, filled with words people normally wouldn't say in real life. Just words. Yet, something as simple and childish as a drawing and an 'I love you' in a speech bubble sent my heart racing.

I smiled the biggest smile I could manage.

I went into my bedroom, searching for Jacob, opening the door to smell the fresh scent of water, and to see steam pouring from the bathroom. I smiled and stripped down to nothing, not caring if I broke our rule to wait till the honeymoon. I wanted him now, even if it was only a full body hug, although sex would be nice.

He wouldn't like the way I smelled anyway. Even though I'd been absorbing his scent, according to Edward, and I had been for years.

I tiptoed into the bathroom. A pair of dirty, nearly shredded cut offs were tossed carelessly on the counter, with his deodorant and toothpaste. He kept certain things over here, since he was usually always over here.

I could see the outline of his body through the cloudy glass. That body was _mine_, and I could see every curve, every dip…

He turned around as I stepped into the water, loving the feeling of the warm spray on my skin. He smiled as I tripped over the edge. I blushed and gave him a playful glare, before my lips thinned and I wrapped my arms around his torso. He held me to his chest and I absorbed his warmth, desperate for it after being in the company of such cold beings. I rested my head against his chest, kissing the skin there a few times. "Hold me," I whispered, desperate.

He nuzzled my hair and squeezed me tighter. I closed my eyes and clung to him as the water poured down around us, drenching me, my body pressed completely against his. His arms tightened around my back.

"You okay, honey?" He whispered into my hair.

I nodded, finally shedding tears for the Cullen's, after holding them back. "I miss you." That was true. "And I love you, always." And nothing in this world was more honest than that.

He knew I was crying, and he knew why.

He lifted my chin with his fingers and I looked into deep brown eyes I hadn't seen all day. "I'll kiss the tears away," he said, smiling.

"Cheese ball," I snickered. He laughed and my knees felt weak. I loved that laugh. I slid my hands up his arms and grasped his hands as he brushed my sopping wet hair out of my face and leaned down to kiss me on the lips. I responded, clutching the nape of his neck, drawing him closer to me.

"As badly as I want you," he said, stroking my arms. "Now doesn't seem like the time today."

"Yeah," I said, ducking my head against his chest. "I'm sorry…" I peeked up at him from beneath my lashes. "But, I do want to be held, if that's okay…"

He pulled me to him again and we stood there in each other's arms until the water turned cold.


	36. Bound Part 1 of 2

Disclaimer: blah Stephenie Meyer blah. Lyrics: Brighter Than Sunshine- Aqualung. The songs in the ceremony are mentioned and I made a playlist for them for your convenience, linked in my profile. The quotes used in the ceremony that don't belong to me are referenced within the text- as in, it's said where they're from.

(A/N: Thanks for the reviews, faves, and alerts; special thanks to **Keyster** for being my 1,200th reviewer!** Check out my JB-n-Pack group for the story- I post graphics and teasers there. NTL is there if something happens to it here. Tons of visuals for this chapter including clothes, setting, etc are there as well, or in my photo bucket account. Links in profile**)

******** (**_**IMPORTANT**_**: THIS IS PART ONE OF THE CHAPTER. PART 2, WHICH IS UNEDITED, WILL BE POSTED HOPEFULLY BY THIS WEEKEND. I HAVE NO TIME TO EDIT IT AT THE MOMENT, BUT THANKFULLY PART 1, AKA THIS PART BELOW, WAS ALREADY EDITED A WHILE AGO. ****************

* * *

**Chapter 34: Bound, Part 1 of 2**

_I never saw it happening_

_I'd given up and given in_

_I just couldn't take the hurt again_

_What a feeling_

_I didn't have the strength to fight_

_Suddenly you seemed so right_

_Me and you_

_What a feeling_

_The day of the wedding_

_Bella's apartment_

_(Bella's POV)_

I wanted to say that today could be the day we could all sit back and relax because planning was complete, but that wasn't the right thing to say.

I was getting married today.

Which meant all of me and Jacob's planning, with the assistance from our friends and family, boiled down to this one day. And if things didn't run smoothly, we'd have quite the unhappy bunch.

I'd known what my dress looked like for a long time, and I supervised Kyle throughout his process of making it. It was perfection…like silk against my skin and the fabric clung to every curve.

But, I was completely putting my faith in Kyle and I refused to gaze at the dress in the mirror when I tried it on. I knew he'd make it exactly the way I wanted and I trusted his instinct when it came to fashion. I wanted the full effect of seeing the dress in the mirror on me right before the wedding.

We had heaps of food prepared by my co-workers, and a few of the members of the Reservation. There were several mouths to feed belonging to our fellow 'wolf-boys' who ate no less than three servings of food per meal. Because it was me and Jake's wedding, our only job was to, once again, watch every platter and cake be prepared, providing input on what we wanted, but always leaving room for other options from our friends and family, since everyone had various taste. We had a vast collection of food ready for the reception.

Typically, the Maid of Honor and bridesmaids do most of the decorating, but Jake and I wouldn't have that, and ended up helping out, surprisingly. The finished product was precisely the way the two of us envisioned the decorating to be. It was like my co-workers had extracted the vision of the ceremony and wedding from our minds and threw it onto the blank canvas of the beach and house we rented out.

Jake and I had planned everything to the last detail and placed it in the hands of our friends and family to bring it to life, while we kept a close watch. And after seeing everything the other day during rehearsal, that dream was coming true.

And now it was just hours before the big moment. My big moment. Me and my _fiancé's_ big moment.

And I'd just woken up, planning to go straight to La Push. Kyle, Ashley, and Angela had just left to set up the food. I felt left out, since it was our catering company, but then I remembered it was my wedding.

_My wedding. _

Wow.

Talk about coming full circle!

Jake had spent the past few days at Billy's, so we could maintain the 'white wedding' tradition: he wouldn't see me the night before the wedding, or before.

He wouldn't see me until I was at the edge of the aisle.

My plan to go directly to meet the girls, which I'm sure they'd crawled out of bed the same time I did and were about to bolt out the door by now, dresses and makeup in hand, was completely tossed aside the second I stood to my feet, felt that wave of dizziness and nausea, and barely made it to the toilet in time.

The nervousness was hitting full force.

I reached for a towel to wipe my face the second my stomach stopped churning, reaching into my cabinets for aspirin or something, before feeling another wave of nausea flow through me so quickly that I knocked half the stuff in my cabinets to the sink with a clatter as I dove to the toilet again.

Shit. Really, God? Are you really going to make me have to clean my spotless bathroom when I just polished it yesterday? I'm not living here anymore after tonight, you know…

I reached for another towel, searching for it the cabinets beneath the sink, knowing the one I'd just puked on wouldn't be of use anymore.

My fingers finally brushed against a wash cloth and I tightened my grip, shifting it to reveal an unopened bag of pads, which wasn't a big deal since I only wore them when my 'time of the month' was so bad I could hardly move from the bed. Those moments rarely happened though.

No, the most shocking thing I'd uncovered with just a flick of my wrist was an unopened box of tampons.

I always had an opened box of tampons, usually at least partially empty with every period.

I thought back: around eight weeks ago was the last time I'd had that dreaded 'monthly thing' women have to go through. And I'd missed one around four weeks ago, when I thought I'd been 'spotting.'

Eight weeks ago was the last time I'd had sex with Jacob

"Oh my God," I gasped, clutching the edges of the sink, breathing heavily.

It couldn't be. I was probably over thinking. They say stress can affect your cycle.

One fault with that excuse: the pills keep my cycle regular.

I glanced at the disarray on my sink top that I'd knocked around on my journey to the toilet; Aspirin, mouthwash, razorblades, and…my birth control pills… had fallen haphazardly everywhere.

I glanced at the pack…no, I glanced at the _packs._ There were _three _of them. I was supposed to start a new pack today- and there it was… unopened. My time to take it would be tonight.

But that wasn't the problem.

One of the packs, from April, had the months first week's pills still intact.

How in God's name could I have missed those? I **never** missed a day.

I remember though, stumbling home every night, during those weeks and going straight to bed, not even glancing at them because they'd been stored away in my cabinet, too sidetracked and not getting much of 'any' during the time, afterwards too.

I remembered that week- it'd been a stressful week, and Jake and I had been in a huge argument- one that came out of nowhere about, _God_, I don't even remember what it was. I recall it hitting me I'd missed a few days, but I hadn't really comprehended the exact _day_ Jake and I had had sex…knowing now it was about eight weeks ago. It didn't even cross my mind that very day I'd missed a pill.

That'd been the 'rough sex day,' where we'd both been reckless.

Everything hit me at once- the nausea, the dizziness, the exhaustion, the lack of appetite, getting sick after ingesting certain foods, eating foods I wouldn't normally eat…

All it takes is missing a day. One encounter with absolutely no protection.

And I'd done just that.

There was only one way to be sure though.

My body had rejected the pills I did take soon after. It was out of sync with how I usually took them.

I had to be overreacting. It was the only explanation.

I checked the clock, a bundle of nerves teetering on edge, not sure how I would take the news if the test came back positive…or negative.

My mind had just one instinctive thought. One that told me to change into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, pile my hair on top of my head, grab my purse and travel way over the speed limit to the nearest pharmacy. A local one was down the street.

My head was rushing a mile a minute. Was I really pregnant? Even as I sped around the corners, knowing the fate of my future, me and _Jake's_ future, depended on this single test, and knowing my wedding was to take place in about three hours, and I'd be in a huge hurry to get this done, a small smile tugged at the corners of my lips.

I swerved into the parking space near the front of the store, positioning my car diagonally accidently, and ran through the automatic doors of the store, making a direct walk to where I knew everything involving birth control and pregnancy was located, keeping my head down to avoid gazes.

I made it to the aisle and was greeted with a section loaded with pregnancy tests. A part of the aisle I'd never had to run to, until today. Why today of all days? A pregnancy scare on my wedding day? Couldn't it have happened after the honeymoon, at least?

I picked up several of the boxes and read the information. Great…I had to pee on a stick, and how exactly does that work again? My nose scrunched up in disgust.

My brain didn't know how to take the possibility that this could be real. It was blank, or rather it was filled with visions of the wedding…and children.

I plopped down on the floor, exhausted, at a loss of what to do, knowing with each moment I sat there, the seconds were flying by, ticking down to my wedding.

I remembered what Edward said about Summer, and gave it a shot, dialing his number. I had to talk to her. She had to have known.

The phone went straight to voicemail. I left a message, explaining I needed to speak with Summer immediately, no questions asked, before I slammed the phone shut and threw it carelessly into my purse.

And I continued to sit there, cross legged, for a good five minutes, surprised, but also grateful, no one had asked if I needed help. I mean I could've used it, but I didn't want to answer any questions.

I made a final decision and stood to my feet, grabbing five of what was supposedly the best test, and tossed them into the basket I'd somehow picked up without knowing on my way in. My body had been running purely on instinct.

I dashed to the express lane, setting the basket on the tracks, digging for my wallet, opening it, and tapping my foot impatiently while I waited for the kid in front of me to purchase his handfuls of snacks.

When it was finally my turn I met the eyes of the cashier and promptly froze. My mouth dropped opened. "Mike Newton?" My eyes darted to my basket.

He wore the same expression when he saw me, before he smiled. "Bella Swan, really?" His eyes glinted with amusement.

"What are you doing in town?" The more I talked the luckier I'd be that his eyes didn't flicker to my basket as he scanned my _items_. I could just imagine how that scenario would unfold.

"I snagged a summer job up here. I'm visiting my family, and going back to school to finish my Doctor's degree in fall."

"Impressive," I swallowed nervously as he turned to the register to add up my purchases. _Just my luck, _I thought, sarcastically, as his eyes fell to the screen, and then drifted to my pregnancy tests. Our eyes met. "Mike, if you say a _thing_," I muttered angrily.

"I'm not even going to ask." He dropped them into a small, lunch-sized paper bag. "You got married to that Cullen guy, after all, didn't you?"

_Oh God._ He thought I was with Edward…still. Someone was years, _years_ late when it came to that _tiny_ piece of information. Hadn't he been the one to tell Angela I'd ran away from the wedding? Maybe he assumed I got back together with Edward?

"I thought you were with that kid from the res though…" He scratched the back of his neck, face flushing furiously.

My eyes widened and I reflexively flexed my ringed hand. His eyes caught the glimmer of the ring. I stuffed my hand in my pocket, but the damage was done.

"You're…engaged. Not married. My bad." He cleared his throat. "I just never thought I'd see the day you'd walk in searching for pregnancy tests. You didn't seem like that type of girl."

_Oh how wrong he was._ I remember trying to get Edward to sleep with my long before I ever actually had sex…with Jacob, of all people.

Time to make a quick exit.

"Actually, Mike, I'm getting married in a few hours." I paid, grabbed my bag and waited for the receipt. "And I'm running late."

I darted out without a single goodbye glance the moment that slip of paper brushed against my hand, jumped into the car, reached illegal speeds ascending the mountain, before I finally screeched to a stop outside my apartment. I ran upstairs, palms sweating, and headed straight to my bathroom, not bothering to close the door behind me. No one was here- they were where I _should_ be, but I _had_ to take this test. _I had to know_. It would kill me if I gave myself to Jacob not knowing something may or may not exist inside of me.

I smiled at the thought, but my nerves took over again and I took the test, using all five sticks, set them side-by-side on the sink counter and sat on the edge of the tub, staring at them.

I set my alarm clock, one of those hand held, annoying ones I had on hand that literally ticked away the seconds… _loudly_ ticked them away.

My phone went off- I ignored it, knowing all too well it was probably my mother. She could wait, just a few minutes was all I needed before I could leave. I **had** to know. I was rocking back and forth, rubbing my arms…waiting.

Just thirty seconds had passed and it felt like minutes. I promptly hopped in the shower, and was out within five minutes, the timer blaring; it'd been doing so for a good two minutes, at least. Of course, when you have all-in-one shampoo and conditioner in your hair (yes, I was taking the easy way out), it's kind of stupid to get out before rinsing the product out.

I stumbled out of the shower, shut off the timer, forcing my eyes away from the tests.

As much as it was killing me to not check, I was scared too; I wasn't sure if it was a 'good' afraid, or a 'bad' afraid. I threw on my jeans and t-shirt, still soaking wet, towel-dried my hair as much as my patience would allow me, and ended up leaving it dripping.

They just…sat there, lined up, taunting me, _beckoning_ me and I gave in, running forward so swiftly I clipped my leg on the edge of the sink. I grimaced in pain, but ignored it to lift up each.

Two bars means I'm pregnant. One bar means I'm not pregnant. The box said so.

I opened my eyes, clutching the tests piled in my hands, finally glancing at their screens.

_Two_ bars…on all five of them. I sifted through all of them again, double-checked, _triple_-checked.

My eyes were wide, mouth gaping, but not from shock…well, somewhat, but more of a…

_Holy fucking shit._

I was pregnant.

The force of this news caused me to stumble back and sit down slowly in the middle of the floor, staring at those two red lines, flicking back and forth between those lines and "pregnant" on the stick.

I was _pregnant_. There was a baby, a _human being_ growing inside of me.

Something I created with Jacob.

Jacob and I were _having a baby_. We were going to by a mother and a father, officially.

I finally reacted. I laughed quietly, then it turned into something more intense, and I laughed harder and louder, before laughing hysterically, rolling on the floor. I felt wetness in the corner of my eyes as I fell on my back, clutching my stomach laughing, giggling…crying.

I was happy. I was giddy. This was the happiest day of my life.

I laughed and sobbed, at the same time, before finally calming down minutes later, hiccupping, which made me giggle each time they bubbled in my throat.

My hands didn't move from my stomach.

_Jesus Christ_, I was going to have a _child_. Jake and I were having a baby!

I wanted to tell him immediately, right this second, but I'd rather say it when he was with me, and I couldn't see him before the wedding- bad luck and all that bullshit. And he had to know first. I wouldn't be able to speak with him alone until the honeymoon. I had to wait until then.

Summer had to have known. Did she think I'd known? I almost decided to dial Edward's number again, but knew without a doubt, he would have called me back if he'd received my message.

My phone went off again. It startled me and I crawled to the tub, where it was placed in the towel rack. My mom was calling, and I had several missed calls from Kyle, Autumn, and of course the same woman calling me at this moment. "Mom."

"Bella, sweetie, where are you?" She was speaking so rapidly I had to strain my ears to catch on to every syllable. "Bella you were supposed to be here half an hour ago! Don't you always have your phone with you? Has it rung?"

"Mom," I interrupted her. "I'm on my way."

"Bella, honey, you need to hurry up!" She became frantic. "I have to do your hair; you're not bailing are you? We're starting to freak out here! Jacob's a mess!"

"Oh God, mom, don't say that!" I cried. "Don't tell me he's upset. Is he really? Why would he be? He has no reason to be!" I panicked, pacing around.

He definitely had no reason to be. Once he knew the reason I was late was because…because I'd found out I was carrying our child, he'd…

Oh God. I had to get there fast!

"Bella, just…get here, okay? I can't…this…we're worried!"

"Mom," I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to relax. "I'm leaving as we speak." And I was. I'd already retrieved my keys from the bottom of my purse and was out of my room. "There was a…complication," that's the only way I could put it. "I **will** be there soon."

And, thankfully, the cops weren't watching me today because I was driving far too fast.

_Wait a minute…alcohol_. There would be wine and champagne to toast at the wedding. I couldn't be drinking.

So, in my hurry, I stopped at a grocery store just outside the Reservation and almost bought a bottle of sparkling grape juice, walking out when I realized we were already going to have plenty, as well as fruit punch and sodas, for those who chose not to drink, and for the kids.

_Oh yeah, that would go over well._ Why wouldn't I drink to celebrate my wedding? I can just imagine all the suspicious looks I'd get. But, it had to be done. Besides, everyone was aware of how I was when I had alcohol in my system; they'd likely believe that was my reason not to drink at my wedding.

It wasn't the case though, obviously. I hadn't had a drink in a while, thankfully. But, I had another life to look out for now. I wouldn't be touching an alcoholic beverage for at least…seven months.

In all technicalities, I was around two months pregnant. Eight weeks. I couldn't…goodness…there was _another life_ blooming inside me.

I'd probably scare everyone when they saw how god damn happy I'd be today, happier than ever, for more than the fact I was finally marrying Jacob. I couldn't keep my hands from cradling my stomach, and there was no way I'd be able to stop smiling today.

* * *

_(Jacob's POV)_

She couldn't be doing this…no, **no**. Was she blowing off the wedding?

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," I spat out loud, accidently, untying my tie and slinging it in some corner, where it hit Quil's head and dropped to the floor.

Quil whirled around. "Dude, what the fuck? You're lucky your ass didn't throw something heavier…could've busted my skull…" He quipped.

I ignored him. His attempts at jokes couldn't save my mood now.

There was a part of me that knew she wouldn't decide **not** tomarry me because I knew she loved me. But, was it too soon? Should I have waited? No, no…now was the time. We'd been at each other's throats throughout the past few months. She had to be nervous.

_I_ was nervous. Definitely. Marriage was a big commitment, and even though I knew there was no one else for me but Bella, my stupid, fucking ridiculous insecurities had to return.

Bella was running late. Her mom poked her head in the door nearly an hour ago to announce the news that sent my head spinning. So, I'd been in this state of kicking and throwing things, cursing under my breath and occasionally aloud to my pack mates in the room with me: Embry, Quil, and Sam. And as usual, Quil was annoying, Embry was too quiet, and Sam offered words of "she'll be here" and "Don't worry" throughout. I almost wanted to cover me ears I was so sick of hearing that from him and the others.

Embry stood up from his lounged position in the window. "There she is."

I breathed the biggest sigh of relief. Why, _why_ did I allow myself to think she changed her mind, even though after all this time, she always let me know I was the one for her?

Never again though. She was going to be _mine_ in just a couple of hours.

I ran towards the window, but Sam and Quil were fast to lock my arms behind my back and Embry guarded the window, arms crossed, standing to his full height. "You can't see her, man. Go away." He waved his hand in my face, 'shooing' me. I glared. He rolled his eyes. "She just pulled into the drive." He nodded over his shoulder.

I slumped into a chair and was suddenly nervous for all the _right_ reasons. Twitching and shaking. "Shit, I forgot my vows," stumbled from my mouth, even though I knew them by heart the second I wrote them down. My brain kept repeating the words in my head and sometimes I'd mix them up though, at this precise moment. Pre-wedding jitters would win this battle, not my attempt to remain composed.

Embry resumed his window-watching, grinning. "She's in a hurry."

"She better be," Sam grumbled, straightening his jacket in the mirror.

"Jake," Embry reached out and threw my shoes I had yet to put on at me. I spun around in the chair. "What?" I snapped. I didn't mean to.

He sent me another attempt at a menacing stare and gazed out the window again, watching _my_ girl who hadn't been in my arms for a few days, who I hadn't made love to _in weeks_. "She's, like, fucking _glowing_ was what I was going to say, jackass. I can see that smile from here, bro."

Quil joined him in the window and I almost growled. They could see her and I couldn't because of these wedding traditions we promised we'd obey. "Duuude, she just hopped out of the shower. Girl was in a rush…"Quil smirked. "She's fucking happy."

I _snarled_ the second Sam peered outside, having the nerve to say, "It's the happiest I've seen her."

"Let me see her," I pushed through them and practically tumbled over the windowsill to look out. _Fuck wedding traditions_.

The door had just closed shut behind her. I dropped back into my seat and pouted, tripping Quil as he passed me. He fell to the floor, laughing…the fucker.

Embry smiled and patted my shoulder. "Jake, you'll see her soon. Relax. It's a big day.

I rolled my eyes. "No shit."

Was it time yet?

* * *

_(Bella's POV)_

I could already see our ushers, Kyle and Seth, chatting up the early guests on the beach. Kyle had dressed down. It was quite the shocker to see him in a normal tuxedo. His hair was wild to balance it out though. I don't blame him. It was who he was.

Now I was getting butterflies. "I'm getting married," I said, out loud. Almost in disbelief. Happy.

"Bella," Autumn shouted and lifted her almost floor length gold dress off her calves so she could walk down the stairs and meet me halfway, ponytail swinging around. "Thank God you're here." She seized my arm and I ran with her upstairs.

"I had things to do, sorry," I weakly explained as we speed-walked down the hall. I nearly raced to the side where the men were, but my mom, clothed in a strapless black dress, cut in the 'mermaid' style, began walking from that direction after talking to my dad, who stood outside the room, pacing back and forth. She intercepted me and led me to the room behind Autumn, closing the door behind her.

I was smiling, of course, although honestly upset for the first time today that I'd chosen to not see Jacob before the wedding.

I was immediately greeted with squealing girls, each of whom were speaking all at once, pleased to see me. Rachel, Rebecca, Chimera, Leah, Ashley, Angela, all wearing different styled dresses in various shades of gold and champagne.

Although Jacob and I decided to have aspects of a traditional wedding, we chose to shake things up and have bridesmaids not wear identical dresses. It allowed each of them to express their individuality. Besides, the core of this wedding had something to do with me being me, and choosing _this_ life, so why not?

I couldn't give any of them hugs because things were time sensitive now. There was hardly a second to pause.

I took a seat in a chair in front of the vanity so my mom could work on my hair. The dresser in front of me was stocked with every aspect that completed my look: Autumn's pendant, my white heels, which I wouldn't wear for the actually ceremony because I'd rather not fall flat on my face and possibly injure myself, or my child, more importantly, in the process. I told mom I was going barefoot, and she said, with haste, "Whatever you like," sticking several black hair pins between her teeth as she began to pile my wavy hair on top of my head. She poked me several times, shaking, trying to get them in and I got up, laughing, as she followed me around, dodging her attack. I had to walk around. I was nervous!

Chimera was staring at me with a smile in a gorgeous, open backed, gold, thigh-length dress.

I batted my hands at my mother and she gave up momentarily, so I could greet Chimera with a tight embrace. "Welcome back."

"For a little while…" She chuckled, bending over to put on her shoes.

"Did you see Jacob before?" I was concerned. I had to ask; it was trapped in the back of my mind. "Mom said he wasn't doing too well…or, he hasn't been doing too well all day, apparently." I crossed my arms, shivering.

"He's fine, Bella," she straightened up, rolling her eyes. "He's been uneasy all day, and he just had a moment of panic that you wouldn't show up." I opened my mouth to say something, but she cut me off. "He knows you love him, and you've chosen him, and he's yours, and you're his, yadda yadda," she snickered. "He's…" She shrugged. "Leave it to me to try and talk some sense into him in hopes he calms down."

I exhaled, relieved. "Bella, now, darling," my mom called out to me. I sent Chimera a smile, whispering a "thank you for coming," before succumbing to my mother's hands tugging at my hair again. I had a head full of hair- it _would_ take some time.

I gave Autumn the honors of clasping the pendant around my neck, her gift to me from years ago- the gorgeous heart with solid gold and diamonds, with a pearl in the center. My mother had being urging me, no, _begging _me, to do most of my hair for months, so, I let her continue that, and she only received help from Rebecca when needed, who'd kissed me on the cheek in greeting shortly after. Soon, my locks were pinned on my head by the both of them and raised off my neck into a bun. Ashley leaped in to pin two silver flowers adorned with diamonds onto the side of my bun as they finished.

Leah handed me my earrings. I'd narrowed my choices down to three, and didn't care at this point which ones I wore. The most appealing were the single white pearls that I took from Leah's hands and placed them on my ears.

Chimera was phenomenal with makeup and laid out the few choices I'd made. I pointed to the browns and pale rose-pinks, wanting to go natural. Light brown shadow, sheer lip gloss with a tint of red ('fake lipstick' as Ashley called it), rose blush, were my final selections. Rachel pinched my cheek to bring out my natural blush, cracking up as I moved away from her, rubbing my cheek, glaring. Chimera hurriedly applied my makeup.

Angela handed me my heels and I slipped into them. All was secure.

I was grateful for the help of these girls, the _women _I'd chosen to be in this wedding, and proud of the fact that they'd assisted in "putting me together" for the wedding.

My makeup was perfection, at least in my eyes. My hair, luckily because of my demands, hadn't been hair sprayed to death by my mother; she only made sure it would stay put, with no fly-aways with a quick once over. It was tight against my head and I was positive it wouldn't come undone, even through the dancing at the reception. I turned my head from side to side, admiring their handi-work.

I finally walked over to the platform to put on my dress, hanging in the corner. My mother had tears in her eyes as she handed the gown to me. "H-here y-you g-go baby," she sniffled.

"Aw, mom…" I cooed, crying softly as she finally let go of any pent up emotions and sobbed. I leaned down to hug her from my place on the platform (she wasn't much taller than me) and whispered words of comfort. "It's okay…it's just a big step is all…I'm changing my last name, mom, and…"

I absentmindedly rubbed my stomach.

Rachel caught it. "Are you hungry? I can steal some snacks from the reception hall." Her consideration was endearing, but I couldn't puke during my wedding. I'd be eating light tonight.

I recovered quickly. "I'm just really nervous." I didn't meet her eyes.

I _was _nervous.

I stripped down to my underclothes and took the dress from my mother. Before I could slide it over my head, Leah sauntered over to me holding a thin piece of fabric in her hands.

I blushed. "Leah! I thought we weren't doing the garter toss?"

She twirled it around her fingers before holding it out to me, smiling evilly. "Slide it up that thigh baby." She winked. "You said you'd do a garter toss a week ago remember?"

Oh…now I did. I sent her a sinister look before taking the delicate, pink and champagne colored lace fabric and inching it up my leg and to my thigh. "Happy now," I teased.

She winked. "Wait till you see what the girls and I bought you…"

My cheeks darkened. I hid my embarrassment by pulling my dress over my head. "If it's from a sex store, I'm murdering you."

Ashley erupted in a fit of giggles in the corner. "It's a surprise, Bella. You can't know."

My mother cleared her throat. "I'm forgetting I heard this conversation."

The conversation died down, and to my delight I started to think about the wedding, and not the disturbing, naughty gifts I'd surely get from the girls. They had said there was one gift from all of them…

I turned my dress around so it was on me properly. It was white, obviously, with a wrinkled top half and sweetheart neckline, ornamented with jewels beneath the bust. The bottom flowed out as the space between the purposely made wrinkles increased, falling fast my feet. A short train wasn't far behind me.

I struggled with the zipper on the back of the dress. It wouldn't zip past my chest, and I barely managed to drag it over my hips.

_Shit._ That was a symptom wasn't it…swollen breasts and the widening of the hips? The dress was snug around my waist; it fit, but my breasts were another story. _Please think I'm on my period_…although they were never _this_ big even then.

My mother accompanied me on the platform to aid with the zipper. "Bella, did you gain some weight?" She wasn't concerned, or annoyed, just…surprised. It wasn't easy for me to gain weight.

My hands fluttered to the top of my chest, making gestures of 'you're choking me, let go please,' breathing deeply. My breasts _ached_ too. "Yes."

Ashley moved into action. "I'll get Kyle. He's a miracle worker. He'll save you, girl."

"Yes, thank God…go now," My mother whined.

She tried to zip it up again. "Mom," I gasped. "Lay off."

She tensed and unzipped it partially so I could breathe, letting the dress pool around my hips as I held it to my bosom.

Kyle bounced in minutes later. "Baby girl," he cried. I adored that brotherly, high pitched voice he used. "What's going on?" He ran straight towards me, hardly sparing the others a smile and a glance- a man on a mission- and immediately went to work with a spare needle and thread he always kept on his person for last minute fix-ups, or even protection from unwanted advances.

"She's got to be on her period," Ashley said. "It's about that time for it."

"Yeah, definitely my lucky day," I sighed, exaggerating. "Or, my period's about to start, at least." I had to lie- Jacob had to know first out of my family and friends here. Although, I was sure Summer knew, but that couldn't be helped. I'd gotten better at lying after…when I…_left_ so long ago.

"Your breasts are huge, sweetie," Kyle gasped as he kneeled in front of me and pulled the dress around.

You know, in any other case, I would've slapped the shit out of a guy who ogled my chest, but Kyle was…well, breasts didn't do a thing for him.

I don't know what he did, but with a flick and twitch of his fingers with the crunched part of the dress-pulling them apart, increasing the space between them, or something, I don't know, my dress loosened enough for me to breathe. "Thank you," I let out a deep breath, blushing at his earlier comment and the fact that I had more cleavage than I was used to.

"No problem, babe," he winked, stepping down and heading to the door, smacking Chimera's ass in greeting; he hadn't seen her in a while either- none of us had. And that was how he 'rolled.'

My mother would have scolded him, but she was well aware of his sexual preference. Kyle never kept that secret.

He paused in the door, wearing a mischievous smile. "Jacob's going to go crazy with those tonight."

I flicked him off, blushing…God, was I blushing or what!

My mother gave in and said something to him. "Now, Kyle, I know my daughter is 24 years old and getting married, but not in front of me." She didn't sound too stern.

Kyle chuckled and returned to his other job of the day besides catering, which happened to be ushering.

My father ambled into the room, patting Kyle on the back as he passed him on the way out. "Ladies," he grinned, ruffling his hair. "I'd like to speak with my daughter in private."

They giggled, curtseyed, and strutted outside, my mother last, clutching at her chest and looking me up and down with a smile. "I love you, mom," I mouthed.

She smiled and whispered, "I love you too," in return.

I could hear the guests being seated to "Kiss the Rain," a beautiful piece by Yiruma, before the door shut behind my dad. The wedding had begun.

Charlie grinned, glancing up at me. "You can step down now if you'd like, so you can see your old man."

I snapped out of my thoughts. "Yeah," I chuckled, sighing heavily. "Guess I can." I smiled widely as he took my hand and helped me down.

As soon as both my feet were firmly planted on the ground, he took both my hands in his, smiling. Tears were beginning to form in his eyes. "You look beautiful."

I blushed. Charlie was a charmer when it came down to it. "Thanks," I said, watching him as he stepped away and reached for my veil.

"One step to complete it," he cleared his throat as his voice trembled. "Hope I can do this correctly. We have been practicing. I remember you and I took dance lessons a few months ago for the reception as well…" He trailed off. He was turning the fabric around in his fingers.

"Dad, it's okay to cry you know," I said as he positioned the veil on my head, keeping it off my face so he could look at me. It was so light that the brush of the fabric against my skin and the slight tug of it being attached to my hair at the head of the bun was the only sign it was on.

"Nope," he smiled. "Not until later. Billy and I challenged each other. I can't shed a tear until the end of the ceremony. None at all would be nice."

"You holding back tears for that long is not going to happen," I joked.

"Let me keep my manliness for a while, okay?" His lips curved into a small smile. "You're my baby, my _only_ child."

"I'll always be your baby girl, dad." He took my hand and led me to the mirror. "I'm just…older. I'm not a child anymore. But I'm still your daughter. That's not going to change for as long as I live. I guess, you can't carry me like you used to is the only difference," I said playfully, well aware there was a tremor in my voice.

My father wasn't going to be the number one man in my life now. Jacob would be. I wasn't going to be his little girl anymore, I was going to be a married women.

I didn't know it'd be so painful to know that I wouldn't care for him, or cook for him, or live with him like I once did, for many years. I wouldn't depend on him anymore, at least not so seriously. I had to be independent. I had to work with Jacob on everything from money to children and all the marriage complications in between that come with the whole package of spending the rest of your life with someone.

Again, my thoughts drifted back to the present as Charlie stepped away and gestured to the mirror.

It was déjà vu, like when I saw myself in the mirror before my wedding to Edward, except, things was different. _I _was different. There were no epiphanies or changes of heart and mind. There were no visions of a life I'd lose as a vampire, just a vision of the life I _chose_. The dress, the jewelry, the hair, matched perfectly…matched _me_. And I was utterly happy, armed without a single shed of doubt clouding my mind.

Just joy, a clear vision of a future I would never, ever want to _not_ have, a future that, most importantly, actually rested in my womb.

I smiled and placed a hand on my stomach, before pulling it away. I had to stop that, at least for now.

I looked like a bride.

And the idea of being "knocked up" before my wedding didn't make me feel like a slut. Far from it. I was a grown woman, 24 years old, and I wasn't getting married because the man I was in love with had impregnated me. This was not a marriage of convenience. This was a marriage of commitment, a marriage of forever. A choice I'd ultimately made so long ago, a choice I only saw once before I almost committed myself to another man I wasn't supposed to be with. "I-I'm getting married," I blurted out, smiling, speaking more to myself than my father.

His voice came from the door, which was open. "Breathing Space" by X-Ray dog was playing, signaling my mother, Billy, and Phil were being seated.

Charlie gripped my hand when I finally reached him and pulled me into a hug. "Thank God for you, dear." He pulled away. "You're beautiful."

"Dad, you said that."

"And you're intelligent, and you're a bit hard to handle sometimes, but you're here, and you're my daughter and you're safe, and this is your moment," He breathed deeply, swallowing what I assumed to be a sob. _Aw…dad_…I gave him a solemn smile. "And I've never been happier for you." I hugged him again, catching the flurry of dresses of my girls rushing downstairs. They were supposed to join the guys outside when told to, so they'd likely been eavesdropping. Not that I minded. _Sneaky women_…

Charlie and I were alone again. "You're going to want to see this." He squeezed my hand and inclined his head towards the window.

I'd never seen a smile so big even though he was wiping tears from his eyes. "Billy said the boys, bridesmaids, and Jacob are making a 'grand' entrance." He winked.

Oh, I had to see this.

My father descended the steps, where he'd wait for me at the edge of the path, with tiki-torches on either side of it that led to the shore. It was concealed by a thicket of tress.

I turned to the window and peeked my head out between the curtains, knowing I wouldn't be noticed.

And the boys idea proved to me once again just how much of party animals they could be.

* * *

_(Jacob's POV)_

Finally, after what seemed like fucking centuries of waiting, I was outside with my groomsmen, Quil and Sam, my best man, Embry, Bella's father, who was leaning in the doorway, and all of Bella's bridesmaids, including her Maid Of Honor, Autumn. She couldn't just pick two bridesmaids could she?

I decided last minute to spice things up, told the guys an idea, which got them excited for a good hour, and knew, the second after they calmed down and raced each other down the hallways to tell the girls, that the idea had definitely gotten the green light.

The bridesmaids, groomsmen, and I were going to be entering to "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor. It was random and out of nowhere, but there was a rebellious side of me that wanted to break down the barriers of a traditional wedding somewhat and have us enter to a fast song.

Everyone was more than willing to participate in the entrance to surprise the guests. I knew Bella would be thoroughly entertained as she watched from inside the house.

The temptation to catch even a fleeting glance of her was at an ultimate high, hence why I was watching from a distance with Charlie, who would alert Bella as the song ended, so I could enter right behind Embry, so _Bella_ couldn't see me either. Behind him would be Autumn, escorted by Seth, and they'd enter before Naira and Claire, our flower girls, who would be before Bella and Charlie. The flower girls, Charlie, and my soon-to-be wife would make their entrance to music after the rest of us took our bows at the end of "Eye of the Tiger" and lined up flawlessly within seconds.

The song started and I was hunched over laughing with Charlie throughout the entire thing. My brothers and the girls danced, shook, and ran down the aisle. Quil began, striking various 'strong' poses, flexing his muscles alongside my sister Rebecca, who was enjoying it just as much as him before the headed down the aisle, dancing in sync.

Quil weaved his way back to the end of the aisle and skipped down the aisle again with Angela. Ashley and Leah paired up, lifting their dresses and mimicking what the others before them had done. Chimera and Sam followed, as well as Rachel, escorted by Kyle. Embry took off and I followed, feeling like an idiot, but having _fun_. Autumn happily followed with Seth.

And we were abruptly serious, lining up within seconds as if we didn't just enter to a fucking _Survivor _song.

I turned to the side, noticing my father and sisters, and Renee had uncovered a picture frame. That's when the waterworks loomed because behind the priest, on my side, was a large picture, black and white, a candid of my mother. My beautiful mother, who should've been here. She _was _here, undoubtedly, likely standing to the side watching, invisible. I could feel her presence; it was part of the spirituality of the tribe, our belief our ancestors are connected with nature and watch over us when we call on them. The picture was just a physical item, a temporary placement to represent her. "In loving memory" and "Tis better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all" was printed and engraved along the frame. She had to be here, somehow, because the wedding wouldn't be complete without her.

Claire and Naira were led by Emily to the end of the aisle, where they would wait for Bella's appearance to signal the two of them to start walking.

All I had to do was see her at the end of the aisle, and I'd be good. I'd be content. No, not content, euphoric, and there wouldn't be a single fraction of doubt bordering on the edge of my conscience. I wouldn't see her until she emerged though because the trees were thick. That was the point: not to see her until she hit the flowers that littered the path as soon as the trail ended. Then she'd follow that short, angled path that led to the aisles straight down to me

Chimera caught my eye for a split second as we waited for the music that would let us know Bella had indeed exited the house with her father and was on her way.

She smiled warmly and I was instantly more relaxed than before. "She's the most beautiful bride I've seen," she whispered under her breath, just loud enough for me to hear.

I smiled widely. She didn't need to tell me that; I knew Bella was going to take my breath away. It just didn't hit me how much until a flash of white leaving the trees aligned with my peripheral.

And there she was.

* * *

_(Bella's POV)_

After the spectacle organized by the boys my dad called out to me, telling me it was time to walk down these stairs.

And I did as Pachelbel's Canon in D Major began.

My father's expression when I appeared at the landing and glided my way down the winding stairs (yes I _glided_, without tripping over my feet), in my dress, a bride, was one of relief, love, and happiness. I could see a single tear leak from both eyes as he followed my movements

He extended his hand to take mine as I reached the last two steps, smiling. He covered my face with the veil. "You ready?" He grinned broadly.

"More than ever," I said, laughing nervously as another round of butterflies assaulted my stomach.

Charlie looped his arm through mine and I placed my hand on his arm as he pushed through the doors into the bright afternoon sun. Almost blinded by the sudden change from a dimly lit area to sunshine, my eyes cleared up to reveal fire blazing from the tiki posts in the shadows of the woods, with the beach in the distance. I could smell the salt, feel the breeze, and hear the water.

Home was around the corner. Literally.

I removed my shoes before we stepped off the final porch step. My father chuckled.

I felt the sand between my toes, grateful it wasn't blistering hot, thanks to the rain from the previous day and the shade from the trees.

The sun's rays shined through the canopy of the forest, illuminating the earth with an almost heavenly glow as we headed down the pathway. Charlie squeezed my hand at regular intervals.

Strangely, with every second, the butterflies and the tight knot in my stomach faded.

As soon as we left the thicket of trees, just a few yards away from the beginning of the aisle, surrounded by chairs we'd set up, I followed the flowers- lilies, roses, all white in front of me. 'Season of Hope' by Immediate Music, the song I'd picked for my entrance, played as soon as I came into my companions view. It was a beautiful, haunting, uplifting piece I'd recently fallen in love with.

Naira and Claire walked in front of me, throwing flowers from their baskets, looking adorable in their white and champagne colored sundresses and buckled shoes, before sitting with their parents.

I looked up and my eyes scanned over our smiling guests, friends, and parents, facing the aisle, heads towards me, before my eyes made a direct line to Jacob, who I could clearly see at the front of the aisle.

I couldn't describe it.

I'd seen a lot of looks in Jacob's eyes, _plenty_ of them. It'd take me ages to list all of his expressions, and describe the emotion that paired with them, but I'd do it correctly if I was asked to. But, this was new look, one I hadn't seen before; his eyes were wide and he was smiling, and _God_, I loved that smile. All I wanted to do was to leap into his arms, _The Notebook _style.

I couldn't keep my eyes off him, I refused to look anywhere else as I closed in on him with every step, clinging to my father's arm so I wouldn't fall, or stumble.

My heart was beating a hundred miles a minute. I instinctively touched my stomach with my thumb as I clutched the bouquet in my hands.

I could see him, up close now, a few feet away from me, wearing a black tux, tie, white shirt, dressed up for _me_, for this occasion.

My father gave my hand a firm squeeze. I'd missed part of what the minister said because I was too distracted, staring into Jacob's eyes, and he in mine that we both didn't react even as Charlie held my hand out towards Jacob to take.

My father was giving me away, for the first and last time.

My eyes watered, and I shed tears, _good_ tears, no more tears of sadness.

Charlie lifted the veil off my face and kissed me on the cheek. I glanced down for a brief second, and grasped Jacob's hand, my tiny fingers resting in his palm as he tenderly gripped my hand. I hadn't held his hand in days. I hadn't seen my pale skin, now with a beautiful glow from the pure happiness I was emitting, against the darker shade of his. The contrast was always something I loved.

Our eyes locked again as he drew me into him.

And yet another new look was present to store in my memory.

_Tied up in ancient history_

_I didn't believe in destiny_

_I look up you're standing next to me_

_What a feeling_


	37. Bound Part 2 of 2

Disclaimer: blah Stephenie Meyer blah. Lyrics: Brighter Than Sunshine- Aqualung. The songs in the ceremony are mentioned and I made a playlist for them for your convenience, linked in my profile. The quotes used in the ceremony that don't belong to me are referenced within the text- as in, it's said where they're from.

(A/N: **Check out my JB-n-Pack group for the story if you're a member- I post graphics and teasers there. NTL is there if something happens to it here. That site is for 18 and up **_**only**_**. Tons of visuals for this chapter including clothes, setting, etc are there as well, or in my photo bucket account. Links in profile**. **AGAIN, I apologize for having to split this chapter in two)**

* * *

**Chapter 34: Bound, Part 2 of 2**

_(Jacob's POV)_

There she was.

All I saw was the vaguest flash of white from the corner of my eye and then she was walking towards me with her father, down the aisle, the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. She had a gorgeous blush coating her cheeks when she looked up as everyone stood for her entrance, and the white brought out the peach undertones of her skin- she wasn't pale, she was bright, almost glowing.

She caught my gaze and I smiled so wide my mouth hurt, which is hard to do for someone who literally smiles all the time if I can, unless I'm upset or angry or…

Whatever the case was I was definitely happy now- it was like she was floating towards me, drawn to me like a magnet, and we couldn't look away from each other. Beautiful pools of chocolate brown digging into the depths of my soul.

Cheesy, much?

I could hardly pay attention to anything else. In fact, I wasn't paying attention to anything else but _her_. It was the best feeling in the world knowing she was about to _mine_, and I _hers_ for as long as we both lived…that's what the vows say don't they? A promise of forever with each other? There hadn't been another option for either of us for years now.

"Friends, we have been invited here to share with Jacob and Isabella a very special moment in their lives…"

I vaguely heard the minister speak during the next few moments. I was too busy staring at this _angel_ in front of me about to take my hand…a woman who hadn't run away from _this_ wedding, and who _had_ walked down the aisle. There really was no turning back after this, none whatsoever, and by the look in her eyes, she knew that too. And I saw no doubt, and no regret, not that I'd been expecting it.

Before I really knew what was going on, a softness brushed against my palm and Charlie had already placed Bella's hand in mine. I missed the cue from the minister.

I squeezed her fingers, stroking the tops of them as she stepped towards me so she was across from me, both hands in mine, squeezing my wrist in intervals. Her pulse rate was high. She was nervous, happy as well. There was another faint sound too, coming from her, but I couldn't make it out as the minister opened with one of the quotes Bella and I had chosen.

This one was one from the movie 'The Sound of Music' a guilty pleasure Bella had revealed to me when we started to search for quotes we felt appropriate- quotes we felt fit _us._ This one was entirely chosen by her.

"A bell is no ring 'till you ring it,

A song is no song 'til you sing it,

And love in your heart

Wasn't put there to stay-

Love isn't love

'Til you give it away."

Bella's lips curved into a smile as she kept her gaze on me, still caressing my fingers. There was a feeling bubbling within me that I couldn't put a finger on. I knew it was happiness but it was a different kind of happiness than what I was used to; it was stronger than ever before.

My ears picked up the pastor asking us to read our personal vows.

I patted my pockets briefly, trying not to mutter 'shit' with little Levi sitting just behind me with the rings. I'd memorized them, right? Yeah…I did…

Right?

I grasped Bella's hand again, and she chuckled quietly, picking out the 'fuck it' look I knew I had in my eyes. So much had to be done to getting married…it basically _sucked_. But, I knew our friends wouldn't be pleased if we decided to hop down to the court, sign the papers, and be done with it.

I cleared my throat out of nervous habit. And for someone who could care less what people thought, I was terrified of screwing this up.

So, I searched my memory to pick out any part of my vows…and ended up rambling, but still…I said them.

And I said them from the bottom of my heart, as fucking clichéd as the phrase is these days…

I began, and my voice was shaking, "If I could, I'd repeat what I said when I proposed to you. But, that was a spur of the moment thing, and you know I'm not good with words anyways…" She smiled and blushed, glancing down before catching my eyes again. She looked _so beautiful_. How was I supposed to put these words in the right order?

The biggest day of my life and I'm already a mess.

"What I will say is that this very moment has been a long time coming, too long if you ask me, but, the fact that we waited for each other, through everything means the world to me." She gave me a half-smile. "I had my doubts several times about your love for me and I know you doubted me, but I'm nothing but honest, and I've never loved you any less." I don't think you should say things like 'doubting your love for me' at ceremonies, but I wasn't going to sugarcoat anything. Like I'd said out loud- I'm honest. Deal with it. "If at all possible, I love you more every second I'm with you. And…I don't doubt how much you love me, like I once did. Not anymore, and not for a long time. You came back to me, after we both thought we'd never see each other again, and here you are, still, _finally_, standing in front of me, dressed in white…and mine." Her eyes pooled with tears.

_No, no, __**no**__, Bella…I have to be a man here. No tears_. _If you cry, I cry._

"I've come a long way from that scrawny little kid that used to follow you around, or that kid who, as he got older, would get flustered and sometimes trip over nothing around you, or that teenager with the ridiculous temper and notorious record for pushing you to your limit, and making you _see_." _Lighten things up a bit_. "I think for a while there you hated my persistence, but it paid off."

_Now for the deep shit._

"I can't…be without you, which sounds bad. I mean, I _can_, but I'd rather not lose you again. Four years away from you…it's not going to happen twice. There were moments then, and even when you returned, that I wasn't sure, but one thing I knew for sure was I wanted _you._ I wanted you forever, even though my mind kept telling me I shouldn't because of the circumstances…" I spared a glance at Chimera, who rolled her eyes and laughed before my attention focused back on Bella. "And I wasn't going to give up, even then. But, you turned the tables: _You_ never gave up on _me _and _you_ fought, and that means more to me that I can say. It was at that moment I never doubted your feelings for me. And now, here you are…and I'm going to love you, forever."

* * *

_(Bella's POV)_

Jacob never needed to say anything- in fact he had no need to speak now. I listened to his words, but his expressions and his body language- turned towards me, hands holding mine, eyes lost in mine, a squeeze here and there, face twitching at moments- it was more than enough. I could read him well.

I was silent for too long and swallowed a lump in my throat to force back another wave of tears before saying what I had rehearsed _and rehearsed_ from thin air, since I'd forgotten everything. _Damn you, Jacob Black_.

Searching my mind for the words I planned to say, I finally spoke.

"I-I'm really nervous." _Real brilliant, Bella_. "Happy, but nervous," I forced a small laugh. "So," I took a deep breath, "I know, in the past I've been, how can I say this, pretty _blind_ and selfish and reckless…you name it, I've been it." He snickered, bringing forth another smile from me. His smile and laugh were contagious, they always had been.

"You _are_ the light that pulled me out of the darkest times of my short existence_. My sun_, as I said countless times. You showed me there's so much more to life than what I'd originally thought. Being with you…and even breaking up with you…it proved that I could survive on my own, and be independent. Every second I missed you, and it felt like the other half of me was missing, but I became stronger because of _you_. And I chose the right path, not the wrong one. I almost did, as I'm sure you remember." A flicker of annoyance passed over his face. _Yeah, I figured that would bring out that reaction._ He was smiling again soon after though. "So…thank you for loving me, and I-I honestly don't have anything else to say other than what you already know, since you know me better than I know myself."

He smirked. Yep, he knew it was true.

"What I will say is I love you…a hell of a lot." And there was _that_ smile again.

"And now a selection from 1 Corinthians 13." The pastor opened to the verse in the Bible and began reading. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails…And now there three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."

Although I wasn't religious, partly because of the way my mother raised me, those verses were some of the most beautiful I'd heard. Steady tears were streaming down my face as the minister asked for the rings.

Jacob let out a tiny, barely noticeable chuckle and I smiled as we both turned to see Sam leading Levi to us for the ring portion of the ceremony. I'd had to give Jacob's mother's ring to Renee, who in turn gave it to Sam to give to Levi at the right moment. So, her ring…_my_ ring now-although she would without a doubt be with that ring for as long as it survived in this family- and a thick, solid gold band for Jacob were tucked into a small, plush, white blanket with a white flower.

My smile widened at the sight of not-so-little, but young Levi in his tux holding the pillow above him to give the rings to Jacob and I.

I wouldn't be able to look at children in the same way anymore after this morning. My mind merged pieces of Jake's and my features together and they were planted on the smiling face of Levi, and I could almost see our child, in the flesh...a boy. Although, I felt like the one growing within me at the moment was a girl.

What is that called? 'Mother's intuition'?

I smiled at Jacob as he fluffed Levi's hair and pushed him away, smirking as Levi hung his head in embarrassment and hid his face in Emily's bosom.

Both my hands returned Jacob's, and once again, my eyes were glued to his.

* * *

_(Jacob's POV)_

One of the things that was driving me insane was trying to pick apart the new look on Bella's face as she watched Levi.

Just when I thought I knew every expression she had, this one comes along and I can't decipher it.

Here I was, happily in the middle of my wedding, and still trying to read my soon-to-be-within-minutes-wife, something I could do later.

Soon, I fell back into the present though and instead focused on her smiling face, glimmering eyes, and rosy cheeks, realizing I was supposed to say my own version of the typical 'I, Jacob Black, take Bella Swan…'. The pastor was sending me a look and I cleared my throat again, smiling as I realized the deal was almost sealed. She was almost mine, not that she hadn't been before, but it was _forever_ now.

So many years of fighting, loving, and struggling to get to this moment and it wasn't some sick fantasy my mind was playing on me. I could feel her fingers in my hands, hear her heartbeat, see her face, her smile…

And what the hell was that fluttering sound coming from her? It was driving me insane.

And why the hell couldn't I even think properly at _my wedding_?

She squeezed my hands and even nudged my ankle with her foot to get me to speak. My eyes darted to hers and I grinned, apologizing again for getting sidetracked, fully focusing my attention on my beautiful bride, who was just as anxious as I was to get married.

I slid my mother's ring over Bella's finger, tenderly touching her fingers and hands. No longer was this ring my mother's, it belonged to Bella now. We weren't doing the typical, the pastor says the line, and I recite it- we were diving right in. And I must confess…what I was about to say wasn't even written down. "I, Jacob Black, take you, Bella Swan, to be my wife, _finally_…" I added that in and I heard a chorus of laughter behind me, and a giggle from Bella as her cheeks tinted red. I smiled the smile I reserved for her and her _only_, and her cheeks darkened as she stared into my eyes. "And I'm going to continue loving you as much as I do now, as much as I always have, even when our kids are distracting us from the finer pleasures in life, and I can hardly have you to myself. Although, with as many friends as we have, it's hard to have you alone for long periods of time," I chuckled. "And I'll love you when you're old and gray and think you aren't attractive anymore, which is complete nonsense…" I resisted the sudden urge to touch her cheek. "…Because you'll always be beautiful to me." She ducked her head and looked at me through her lashes. Her fingers twitched with this ridiculous desire to brush her hair behind her ear out of habit at being complimented. "And I'll love you even when you push me away, fight with me, force me to sleep on the couch, not speak to me for a while, or your hormones are whack and you complain about being 'fat,' which you completely wouldn't be when you're pregnant with my child, which…hopefully will be soon." I winked and she…swallowed? What? "And I'll keep fighting for you if for some reason you slip through my fingers again…" She wanted to speak, but clamped her mouth shut. "…until my heart stops beating."

That did it. And tears started pouring from her eyes.

I was trying to be playful because that was who I was, but I couldn't resist throwing that line in, because I'd said it to her so many times, and it held a load of meaning for the two of us. "I'll love you every moment we have together, until we both leave this life behind." I slid the ring over her finger. "This ring is yours now…" And it fit perfectly on her finger. "I don't think I need to explain the reasons behind this ring, what it means, because…it embodies one of the greatest loves I've known. It belonged to a man who loved a woman with everything he was, and she loved him just as much. It means…" My voice was cracking. "The inscription, as you know, reads my 'forever begins and ends with you,' and it's true. My forever is with you- it always has been- and that forever includes everything we've ever gone through to lead us to this moment, and everything we still have to go through after this moment, including things we'll face and overcome together. These hearts entwined symbolize being bound to each other, forever. It means, you're stuck with me _forever." S_he chuckled through her tears. "Because I'm not going to lose you. And this moment, these rings, this ceremony, this _binding_, is a promise of that."

* * *

_(Bella's POV)_

Jacob swore he was never good with words, but his 'serious teasing' that had turned into something romantic, worked for me.

This was it.

I was ready.

For a moment's silence I was unable to look away from him or his fingers in mine, wearing the ring…for good now.

The pastor cleared his throat and asked me to give Jacob his ring.

He hadn't seen it yet. His temporary engagement ring had been a strand of leather, the very material he'd used to make the bracelets for me that he attached his carvings to as charms.

This one I'd picked out myself, and it was a simple, thick, gold band with an inscription I couldn't wait to share with him.

"I, Isabella Swan, take you, Jacob Black, to be my husband, for this moment, and every single second after, until I'm old and gray and your abs disappear…" I heard chuckles over the sniffles of the crowd, and decided if he could be funny _and_ romantic, I could too or at least try to. Jacob's sense of humor was always much better than mine. "I'll miss them dearly, but I'm sure I can handle the loss." Yes! He blushed! Which made the both of us smile bigger. "And I'll love you, like I always have, although my teenage girl habits forced me to not be willing to admit it, when I was blinded, by what several of the people here and yourself refer to as 'the sparkles.'" I heard the wolves and girls laugh, and saw my mother give Billy a questioning look out of the corner of my eye. I almost burst out laughing, but cleared my throat and focused on my husband…well, he technically was, right? We were just moments away from confirming it.

I should move faster…definitely.

"Now, before I say anything else," I moved the ring to the tips of my fingers just a fraction away from slipping it on his finger, happy I'd found a dealer in La Push that made rings big enough to fit over his fingers. "…this ring is here to assist me, even as I try to rush this part so I can just be yours already…" I ducked my head and slipped it over his finger, listening to the rumble of a laugh in his chest that drowned out the happy chuckles of our friends and family because it was _his_ laugh. "I took a different 'route' then w-what you did, so the engraving is on the outside, not the inside. Not that it m-matters." I was stuttering, a sure sign my nerves were on an all time high. "That comment was irrelevant." He bumped our hands up enough to tap my cheek so I could look at him again, and I was instantly calmed by the warm, brown orbs of his eyes. "It says 'My sun' in Quileute."

I heard a collective sigh from my girls and a gasp from the guys, who were likely thinking _'she's gone all romantic too? Damn, can't we just get out of here and drink some alcohol at the reception?'_

And they'd also made such noises that told me they understood fully what I meant.

"I explained this earlier in the first half of our vows, before the rings were even in front of us, but you know that you have always been my sun, and never once had you stepped out of that light until I…l-left." My voice trembled. "And I love you more than words can say…" I blubbered, tears streaming down my face, unable to wipe them away. "I can't…I don't even…Y-You were there for me and you loved me _more_. You did. And…I know that…I've known that…and now, n-now…it's so close to us being together for good." I took a deep, steadying breath, almost breaking down again at the sight of his eyes watering from his fight to hold his tear back and be the strong one in this situation. "And there's nothing I've wanted more than you…especially now. And…you're my sun. I can't live without you, not again. You were…you **are** everything I never knew I always wanted. And this ring describes perfectly what you mean to me, and it's a symbol of my love for you and this commitment I'm never going to walk away from."

The silence was almost deafening as I clutched both his hands, dying to kiss him, gazing into his eyes.

Then the pastor finally said the closing quote, the one Jacob had chosen, and the one currently engraved around the frame of the photo of his mother…something he would soon find out was a gift from his father, his sisters, and me, and the very quote used in his father and mother's wedding. "And now, a closing quote from Lord Alfred Tennyson, and what Jacob mentioned, only slightly, to be the quote that defines his love for this woman before him." The priest recited the quote from memory. "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.'"

The priest closed his book as he said the words I'd been waiting to hear for months now.

"By the power vested in me and by the State of Washington, beneath God's eyes, I now pronounce you husband and wife."

Before I had a chance to smile, Jacob gathered me into his arms, bent me over, like our first kiss, and planted a passionate kiss on my lips, arms wrapping around me as I let out a gasp of surprise, smiling as soon as I felt the smile on his lips, the _heat _and the fact that I was in his arms drowning out the applause, cheers, and occasional naughty innuendos from the guys mouths.

And I'm lost completely in my _husband_, who has controlled himself enough to pull away and look down at me, smiling that smile I'd been so fond of for as long as I could remember.

He cupped my face and wiped the tears from the corner of my eyes as I clutched his forearms, heart beating wildly. "I love you," I whispered, brushing my nose against his, before pulling away just as the pastor announced "I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Jacob Black." I smiled at the sound of "Mr. and Mrs." I couldn't wait to hear my name paired with his last name at the reception…and from Jacob's lips.

'Beautiful Day' by U2 began playing from the DJ stand on the shore.

I was still lost in his eyes, and we'd nearly forgotten that we were supposed to be walking back down the aisle. My face was still in his hands, and he gently, oh-so-gently, titled my face up to plant the softest of kisses on my lips, silently telling me he loved me too and would for now and forever.

And then coming out of our newly-wed fog, he took my hand, and led me down the aisle so we could continue the celebrations.

Isabella Black…_Bella Black_.

It had a nice ring to it.

_What a feeling in my soul_

_Love burns brighter than sunshine_

_Brighter than sunshine_

_Let the rain fall, I don't care_

_I'm yours and suddenly you're mine_

_Suddenly you're mine_

_And it's brighter than sunshine_

* * *

(A/N: These shout outs are REALLY late, but I want to give a special thanks to **imprinted2aT** for rec'g this story at the Phase Fics website =) Also, this story was runner up/'Beta' for "Best Portrayal of Bella" at the Jacob-Black-n-Pack fan fiction awards, so thanks for that too.)


	38. Fate

Disclaimer: See earlier chapters. The songs in this chapter are mentioned (artist and name) when they come up, and they don't belong to me, obviously. **I suggest listening to the songs that have their lyrics posted here, or all of them if you'd like. My personal favorites are the ones used for J/B's First Dance and Bella/Charlie's father-daughter dance, as well as the Mother/Groom dance (which is heartbreaking and the song fits the mood)**

(A/N: Thanks to **LoveEverlastingFadesAway** for being my 1,300th review! Thanks to: **SweetLilB, 7melifuous7 (?), ForeverDreamland, Jacobzlover, MissMeliss09, and I'llBeWaitingInTheWings**- some of the songs you rec'd ages ago are in this chapter. Don't know if any of you are still reading, but figured I'd put a thanks anyways. Also, I normally reply to every review, so I apologize to the most recent reviewers- I didn't respond to you because I rarely sign in anymore, but I will definitely for this chapter. **All graphics for this chapter can be found in my JB-n-Pack group for this story and my photo bucket account, as well as a playlist for the songs in this chapter (some of the videos have been deleted by YouTube's ridiculously stupid copyright laws, so you'll have to search for them). All linked in my profile**.)

(Also, **feel free to follow me on my Tumblr, linked in my profile**. It's a graphics/picture site and my absolute favorite site at the moment.** There is nothing Twilight related on that Tumblr. I mainly post Glee and Harry Potter stuff, as well as other random things.** Check it out and follow if you're interested. It's extremely addicting though, so fair warning! =))

* * *

(**Serious A/N**: I want to offer ya'll the deepest of apologies for not updating this story for nearly a year. I swore I would finish it, and I will, I just have not had any time or inspiration and that's the truth. I haven't had a break from school since December, and I had 6 week, very intensive, college courses for the summer, and now I'm back in school again. I also did a lot of traveling this summer. I'm also hoping to get a job soon because I'm broke, and that will further limit my free time. I care deeply about this story and my readers despite the fact that I have absolutely no interest in the Twilight fandom anymore. Like, none, zilch, zip, nada. But here is the next chapter…and I apologize again for the wait, since it's been nearly a year since the last update. I feel horrible for not updating for as long as I did, but I hope ya'll understand. I actually had to re-read the story to get the flow of my writing back, and I edited it while doing so, and that took weeks. Two more chapters left after this one, and then _Never Too Late_ is done. And I swear this story will be completed no later than December, because I am so tired of writing it, and I just want to be done with it.)

(Now, without further delay I give you the rather emotional, hilarious reception scene, which is needed after all this stupid _Breaking Dawn_ stuff coming out. Yuck. Also, this chapter is long so I hope that makes up for the wait. **The first part of this chapter is in 3****rd**** person POV. It'll throw some of you off, but I need to use it to describe how everything looks. You'll also notice my writing style has changed…this is as a result of another fic I've been working on for another fandom (**_**Glee**_**) and I like it much better than how I've normally been writing this story.**)

* * *

**Chapter 35: Fate**

The reception was going to take place back at the house they'd rented out for the occasion, on the porch. As the guests spill in, the bridal party poses for ridiculous and serious pictures along the shore.

The reception is a breathtaking piece of work and there's nothing that anyone has thought has looked more beautiful. Jacob and Bella deserve this more than anyone. Their happiness has literally been the only thing that has mattered to the guests for as long as they can remember now.

The guests take in their surroundings as they walk onto the porch to the gentle sound of The Vitamin String Quartet's instrumental version of the heart-tugging hit by Oasis, 'Wonderwall.'

_Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me._

There are round tables spread throughout the porch, and a rectangular table for the bride, groom, and their parents (and step-parent). All are draped with a black fabric, the candles on the table are lit and they cast a golden glow over the tables and throughout the porch to go along with the color scheme of gold and cream. Kyle is rapidly placing silver utensils along with square, white plates at each table setting, Seth following behind him to add glasses and napkins.

Kyle's weary because, well, Seth is occasionally clumsy and there are candles _everywhere. _He's watching his every move with a perfectly shaped eyebrow. Seth's slightly intimidated.

There's an open area void of tables, that is slightly elevated for the dancing that will soon take place.

'Wonderwall' switches to Shania Twain's wonderful voice singing 'From This Moment On.' Seth and Kyle immediately lead the guests to their seats, smiling, offering a friendly greeting and the occasional hug or handshake.

The buffet has tons of covered food that will soon be uncovered for dinner late when Kyle takes his place behind the buffet to offer any assistance later. Candles line the table, the same ones that sit at the center of every table for the guests- tiny candles set in glass containers surrounded by clear pebbles. White and cream-colored roses sit beside the candles. It's all flawlessly organized and everyone is proud of the handiwork.

The most spectacular aspect of the reception area is the several strings of lights that line the ceiling. The sun will go down completely soon and night will fall, and it will be beautiful. It's somewhat dark because the porch openings have been covered, the only difference being the entrance where the fabric is able to be pushed aside as guests walk in.

Kyle manages to escape and brings out the cake, since the wedding party will be here in minutes. Its four layers- the top being an arrangement of frosting shaped in flowers and pearls. Beads and a few flowers, all made of icing, line the other layers and Kyle feels it's their best work yet. Anything for Bella (and Jacob, but for Bella's three roommates, or ex-roommates actually, since she's married, Bella's at the forefront of their minds).

Moments later the parents are seated and Mims 'This Is Why I'm Hot' begins to play as the groom's party makes their grand entrance. The guys are ecstatic to be able to loosen up because the stress of the wedding is _gone_, and they clearly show how relieved they are as they dance and strut in. Cameras are flashing and the crowd is cheering and laughing, thoroughly entertained. Quil even manages to pop-drop-and-lock-it right in front of Jacob, who's seated on a chair in the middle of the dance floor. Embry poses for the camera as the song continues to play. Jacob, who decided to strut in and pop his collar before his two best friends is red-faced with laughter. Even Sam is hamming it up for the crowd.

The music bleeds into the familiar opening chords of 'Crazy In Love' by Beyonce, and the many bridesmaids make their way in, smiling and showing off some sexy, and somewhat fantastic, dance moves. They stop in front of the boys, who are outnumbered, and drop to the floor or shake their asses with cheesy grins on their faces. The guys pretend they aren't interested, crossing their arms, looking to the side.

Bella skips in soon after, twirling around and the crowd stands and cheers for her entrance, some whistles thrown in. She's smiling wide and glowing and the boys have their eyes locked on her, unable to look away. She prances over to Jacob and pulls him to his feet as they dance to the ending of the song, Jacob shaking his hips alongside her, not ashamed of how ridiculous he must look. Regardless, he can't keep his eyes off of her. As the song ends he dips her and kisses her, both smiling, and the cheers and clapping have never been so loud.

* * *

_(Bella's POV)_

I was on a constant high. I was married to Jacob, pregnant with our kid (and struggling to hide that fact), and breathless and full of adrenaline from our attention-grabbing wedding entrance. Jacob and I weren't kidding when we said we planned to break traditions.

I was just _so happy_ as Jacob kept a hold on me while we greeted several of our guests.

Moments later, we were seated. Several champagne bottles were brought out from the kitchen and popped open at each table, including ours, in preparation for the wedding toasts and speeches.

I briefly asked the server, an assistant Kyle has brought in, for a bottle of sparkling cider instead when Jacob was distracted and talking to his father beside him.

I'd caught Kyle and this unnamed server making out a few days ago, so Kyle had quite the influence over him. I didn't know how he managed to find these men, but the slim, blond haired, angelic looking, slightly younger male was another new one he'd stumbled across.

My mother was beside me, eying me suspiciously.

_Great._ I blushed. _Caught._

She raised an eyebrow. "Honey, you're not drinking today?"

I'd been practicing responses to that question since this morning. I'd had my moments of being a good liar. "Mom, it's my_ wedding_. And we all know once I start drinking, I don't stop. I'd rather not be drunk today and make a fool of myself, forgetting everything, only to have it come rushing back for me the moment I wake up in the morning, on my _honeymoon_, with a massive hangover."

That should do the trick.

She gaped at me. "Okay." She turned back to her glass. I gave her a reassuring smile.

Jacob laughed beside me. "You should have stopped talking after 'I don't stop.' Why the long explanation?"

I blushed, kissing him softly, because I could, because we were _together. _"I ramble. You know that."

"Na, you just want to be awake tonight. I can't have you passing out on me after we get back home…" He winked suggestively.

I laughed loudly. "I hate you sometimes."

"Same here," he teased.

"But, I love you more."

"Same here." He leaned in to kiss me briefly, smiling.

'Blame It On the Alcohol' by Jamie Foxx interrupted our "love fest" and a loud clink of a fork against a glass erupted from a table.

Embry was about to make the first toast of the night as the remaining few filled their glasses. "Okay, okay, calm down, calm down." The murmurs died down until it was mostly silent. Autumn, beside Embry, pushed him forward so he was front and center on the dance floor, which the bride and groom table was behind. He stood so his back wasn't to us or the other guests, so he was standing sideways. "So, we all know why we're here today…" Cheers. "Although," he chuckled, "We could have gotten this over with about five or so years ago if _someone_…" His eyes zeroed in on me. "…didn't leave. But, you know how girls are…"

"What?" I laughed, amused and slightly annoyed. 'Blame It' was a low hum in the background. Jacob thought it would be hilarious if we played that song during the toasts, but would cut it off once the parents spoke though, by request. Not to mention the song would be over in like three minutes anyway. "Now, I'm Jake's best friend, as you all know." He puffed his chest out. "Best man, folks. And I'm going to make this interesting." He glared at the guys, who were laughing. He continued, walking back and forth. "Thing is, Jake's annoying and he's kind of an asshole, at times." Jacob flicked him off. "I mean, seriously." He walked over to Jacob. "He can be a jerk. He's gonna punch me in the face for saying that." He turned to the crowd. "But, the thing is, also, that Jake…he's one of the best guys I know. He _is_ the best guy I know."

I heard a collective "awww" from the girls and my mother beside me.

"And I'm not just saying that because we're good friends. It's the truth. He went through a lot the past few years and I just _can't_ understand how he made it through. And I can't say that I could honestly be that strong."

Jake smiled softly. I felt tears begin to form in my eyes.

"But he did because he's strong." He faced Jacob briefly, before turning back to the others." And respect in our culture goes beyond what a lot of you would suspect. I don't have a choice but to respect Jake, but I would even if I was given an option." He paused and I could hear some sniffles. "But, enough with the sappiness! Gross." He gagged. "Jake's a wild child, like, _he is_. Not so much like my buddy Quil," he clapped Quil's back, hard. "But he can get crazy. Get him drunk and you'll be laughing your fucking ass off…uh, pardon me…your _freaking butt off_. Cover the kids ears, parents. Anyways, I'm not going to go into all the hilarious, wild stories I can tell you about my buddy, Jake because," he faced Autumn, who was smiling, "My beautiful, _perfect_ girlfriend is next and she's really good at this speech thing. Autumn's gonna rant and rave about Bella, but I do want to toast the couple…" He faced us. "…that's been in the making for a long time now and has finally, _freaking finally_, reached this point after all the crap…" He turned his head to the right. "Yes, Emily, I'm aware there are kids here." He chuckled. "Anyways, after all the _crap_ they've been through to get to this moment." He raised his glass and we all followed suit. "To Jacob and Bella."

As Embry sat down, Autumn stood proudly, tossing her ponytail over her shoulder. "Contrary to popular belief, I've known Bella far before she even moved here. I knew her before _everything_ is a good way to put it." I always loved hearing Autumn talk. She had such a smooth, rich voice and every time she speaks I hang on to her every word. I could never properly describe it, but it always calmed me.

"Now, Bella means the world to me, something I'm sure most of you understand." She turned to me. "I would literally put my life on the line for her if the situation called for it." And she did when she faced off with the Volturi. "But Bella…" She faced the others. "There were days when I wanted to push her off a cliff, no pun intended." Jacob was struggling to not laugh. For some reason the cliff jumping instance was…humorous now. I mean, look how far we came from that? Why not, right? "Like, really…there was a point in her life that I probably wouldn't have been able to stand her." Like, when I was with Edward? Always honest, Autumn was, although she wasn't here for that. Knowing her, she probably just _knew_, not to mention her relationship with Embry and his connection to the Pack.

Shoot, _I _didn't like who I was with Edward. It sickens me now realizing how he was all that mattered and how I fell in love with him so fast and how I was willing to die because I'd lost him. I don't even recognize the person I was then.

"But, she's different now. She's stronger, a better person. She grew up." Take the words right out of my mouth, Autumn. "Now, I'm breaking the rules by saying this, but…" She trailed off. "While I was hot and cold with Bella, Jacob and I have always been at each other's throats." Jacob playfully scowled at her. "No seriously, Jake and I are so much alike that we find ourselves occasionally screaming at each other. I've fought with Jacob more than anyone in this room has fought with him, except Bella. But, that's a long story…" She let out a long sigh. "As we're all aware."

She began to wander around more, becoming animated. "I know Bella loves Jacob and I know he loves her. I've known without a doubt even when she left. It…their belief in their feelings for each other would frequently waver, but I never had a single shred of doubt that they were destined to be 'endgame.' I never…she was with that 'other guy' and I came into her life again at the most inopportune moment, when she realized Jacob was the one for her." She met my eyes, briefly. "She's going to hate me for saying this, but she showed up at my doorstop after she ran away from the wedding with _him_, and she was dirty, wet, and still in her wedding dress. Everything she thought she wanted, she…didn't." I swallowed and Jacob squeezed my hand.

"Jacob and Bella are two different people. Jacob grew up too fast, and Bella grew up too slow, but it all worked out in the end, despite everything. Their breakup was…dreadful and out of nowhere. I don't think any of us could understand how these two people that were so in love, and I remember clearly how happy Bella was and still is with him…how that could fall apart in just one moment. And, apart…of course it was horrible. Bella once told me she cried herself to sleep every night and Jacob…Jacob was always the stronger one, but you all could tell he was hurting. Bella grew up in college, determining she could be without him…both could move on and they could be with other people, but they didn't want anyone else. And, now we're here and everything is perfect, and it took so long to get here, but here we are. Here _they_ are, about to start their life together." She brushed her hair back, smiling. "Bella is the cutest thing around him, seriously. It's…I don't have words."

So, first she makes a touching speech that brings tears to everyone's eyes for sure, and then she decides to lighten the mood. I really did love this girl.

"I found this quote the other day that kind of describes the 'Bella that-is-in-love-with-Jacob-and-is-now-married-to-him." Laughter. "It defines love as a 'wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens to brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise, and lips to pucker.' I think all of us girls in love can relate to that, am I right?" There were giggles of agreement and applause. I blush and laugh with her, leaning my head against Jacob's shoulder, tightly grasping his hand. Autumn eyes me teasingly and says, "Either that or your pregnant!" I tensed, thankful Jacob hadn't noticed and was laughing with Autumn and the others at the look on Charlie's face. _Oh shit_. "But, I'm going with the being in love reason at the moment." She grinned widely. "Now, I've been long-winded, so it's time to let the 'rents talk. But before that, I'd like to ask Chimera, Julius and Embry to join me. We have a very special gift for the bride and groom." She smirked and winked at me and Jacob. The three others joined her, Embry next to her, Chimera on the other side with Julius beside Chimera.

Chimera took over. "So, most of you know me as the 'ex,' but that doesn't even matter now. It never did, but you know…Anyways, I came up with this idea for Jacob and Bella and wanted to carry it out. Julius and I were given money after our parents died. They left us with a lot and I don't know Jacob and Bella that well, but I just feel like I owed them something. The story's more complicated than that, but…" She waved her hand dismissively. She had stage fright. Chimera didn't speak well in front of people. I'd never noticed this. "Whatever. Anyways…Julius told me about this secret place nearby that he stumbled upon one day. So, we talked to Embry and Autumn and came up with this gift, something Bella and Jacob would both appreciate." I was shocked, but I smiled, flattered.

Embry was next. "It's tradition that the couple goes on a honeymoon."

Julius smiled after my gasp and Jake's mouth dropping open. "Because apparently neither one of them even thought of where they would have their honeymoon."

"I swear," Jake said. "If you guys booked us a fancy cabin somewhere…" I wanted to agree with him. I almost did, but Autumn interrupted.

"_Homies_, you're both getting the best we can come up with." She glanced back and forth between us.

Chimera cut in. "You both deserve the best. You deserve _everything_."

"B-But," I began.

"Cut it," Autumn snapped her fingers and pointed at me. I shut my mouth instinctively.

"We booked you a fancy room at a brand new mountain resort up the road from here," Julius stated. "It's secluded and beautiful. You'll love it."

Chimera smiled at her brother before facing us again. "It's a bit of a drive, but it's worth it."

Autumn clapped her hands together excitedly. "The view is to die for."

I couldn't speak. Jake was at a loss of words as well.

"A thank you would be sufficient," Embry teased. He handed us a packet of directions and reservations. I launched myself into Embry's arms before pulling away to hug the other three, even Julius. Seriously, Jake and I had hardly thought about where we'd have our honeymoon. We just wanted to be together, but this…this was still wonderful. "Thank you!" Jake thanked each of them as well, whispering something in Chimera's ear that made her laugh loudly and say something to Autumn that made her blush and smack him. "Thank you, really," Jacob smiled and we took our seats.

Autumn returned to the center of the dance floor. "Now, it's time to break out the tissues. The parents are next and you all will get emotional if you aren't already." I was already crying. This was too much! Things were so perfect. It felt unreal.

Autumn sniffled and wiped her eyes. "Renee has declined to speak because she's already a mess." She smiled at my mom, who was red-faced and wiping her eyes with a handkerchief, waving weakly at everyone. I clutched at my heart, feeling that heavy weight in my chest. I wanted to cry. Jacob stroked my hand to soothe me.

Charlie took over as Autumn sat beside Embry, who wrapped her in his arms. "So, I'm not…" He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm not very good at this, which is a shame, but I'm gonna do it anyways, and I'm going to try and keep it short," Charlie chuckled and he looked adorably embarrassed. 'Butterfly Kisses' by Bob Carlisle played silently in the background and my eyes blurred with tears. "So, Bella's my one and only daughter, she's my _only_ kid, actually. And I was blessed, or maybe not so blessed, to be able to be a parent to her when she moved to Forks years ago. It wasn't always easy, and I felt like sometimes I wasn't doing my job of being a father right." I opened my mouth to object but my father silenced me with a smile and a tilt of his head. "She took care of me more than I took care of her. I tried hard to be that perfect father I thought she wanted me to be, but for a while it felt like a failure. I didn't know what was going on in her life, and I didn't know that Edward kid very well, and yeah I favored Jacob, always have because I love the kid, but I tried my best. When she disappeared after the _almost-wedding_, as we've all taken to calling in, I was heartbroken. Bella came back though, with Jacob, and she looked better than ever. She was happy and we got a chance to get closer. And then she disappeared again, and I was…I didn't know what to think. But she came back, again, finally and we're here now. And I feel like I finally did things right for her. I feel like I _have_ raised her right and I couldn't be happier. She's always going to be my baby girl, but I can't be the number one man in her life anymore." Our eyes met. I was silently crying and he was on the verge of tears. I could see pools of them forming in his eyes. "But, I couldn't be prouder to give her away to Jacob. They've always been perfect for each other, and…" He raised his glass and faced us. "I'm gonna stop now and just tell you both how happy I am, how grateful I am that you two found each other, and Bells, sweetie…" He caught my gaze and I smiled, sadly. "I love you."

Charlie silently took his seat and Billy rolled forward. "I'm a man of few words, so I'm gonna keep this to the point. I'm happy for these two. Jacob, son, I love you, you couldn't have made a better choice for a wife." Jacob nodded to his father and returned his smile. Billy faced me as I was vigorously wiping my eyes. "And Bella, I've always considered you a part of the family, so even if you are my daughter-in-law officially now, you have been for a while, in my heart." He rolled over to me and squeezed my outstretched hand before rolling back to face his son. "And Jacob, my boy, you're mother would be very happy right now if she was still here. In fact, she _is_ here. I feel her, you feel her, and she's never going to be gone from our hearts or our minds."

Jacob's lips quivered as he fought back tears. There wasn't a singly dry eye in the room at this point.

Billy called up Charlie and Renee to join him, as well as Jacob and I. _My husband_ clutched my hand as we stood between them. I noticed there was something covered behind us, and my curiosity started to grow. Rachel and Rebecca, hand-in-hand, joined us.

Billy continued. "So, Charlie, Renee, and I got together, with my girls, to make a little something for the bride and groom. We got some 'professional' help to organize it…" He quickly glanced at _my girls_, who giggled. "But, the idea originated with us. Seth and Kyle, if you may?"

The two men removed the blanket over…a picture frame. I cupped my mouth in shock and Jake's eyes widened in surprise. Before us was a wall sized collage. One side featured Jacob's parents- a beautiful shot of a very attractive, young Billy with a breathtakingly beautiful Sarah Black, surrounded by pictures of them with Rachel, Rebecca, and Jacob, together, separated, throughout their life. God, Sarah was _stunning_. On the other side was a shot of my parents, my awkward looking, yet rather cute father and my adorable mother, right after their high school graduation. Pictures of me and them, and some of Phil thrown in there too, surrounded that one big picture.

Dead center was dozens of pictures of Jacob and me through the years, taking up more space than the photos of our parents. There were photos of us when we were toddlers, young children, teenagers, several more recent ones of us together and laughing and _in love_.

A quote wrapped around the outer edge of the collage_. "Sometimes the person you've been searching for is right in front of you; you were just looking too far."_ It described Jacob and me perfectly.

Jacob and I spent minutes admiring every part of the collage, holding tightly onto each other before swooping our family, _our family_, into a big hug.

Moments later we settled down to the delicious feast prepared for us and everyone settled into easy, happy chatter. 'Far Away' by Nickelback and 'You and Me' by Lifehouse played throughout the meal. It didn't take long to finish, because everyone was starving and before we know it, Jacob and I are yanked to our feet to cut the cake, followed by the taunts of our friends. 'Pour Some Sugar On Me' by Def Leppard plays. The boys are already head-banging and Jacob and I kneel over with laughter, before focusing on the cake.

I position my hand on the knife as he stands behind me, hand wrapped around my waist, leaning over my shoulder to place his hand over mine as we cut the cake for photos.

I'm jittery with excitement as we cut the first slice, laughing at the obnoxious comments and laugher of our friends and family. Jake and I each take a slice as the chorus begins, with the boys and my girls singing along. We lace our hands and arms together in position to feed each other. I meet his eyes, light with laughter, and find myself blushing and giggling as well. There's a glint in his eyes and he shoves the cake against my mouth rubbing it all over my face. I instantly reacted, smearing it across his face. Before we know it we're engaged in a mini-cake fight with our friends and there's a huge chunk of the cake missing…and it isn't such a pretty cake anymore.

I fall to the floor in laughter tugging Jake with me as Renee and Rebecca force us to stay still, even though we're shaking with laughter, so they can clean us up.

I'm laugh so hard my abdomen starts to cramp up and I notice the others have helped themselves to cake and are dancing around, balancing their plates on their hands, feet and head. Jacob pulls me to my feet once we're clean, and my smile is so wide my face hurts as we dance hysterically with our friends.

Jacob lifts me up and carries me to a chair positioned in the center of the dance floor. It's garter toss time, and I have no idea what he has up his sleeve. He's grinning at me wickedly as he marches off the dance floor and motions to the DJ. Our guests have gathered, giddy with laughter and the happiness in the air.

'Man, I Feel Like a Woman!' by Shania Twain begins to play. I bury my face in my hands to hide my blush as Jacob rolls up his sleeves, removes his jacket, and stalks toward me, circling the chair before falling to his knees and grabbing my waist when the chorus starts, dragging me so I'm almost lying flat in the chair. I lean up slightly as he smirks, lifting my dress up to get to his destination which is the frilly garter high up on my thigh.

I let out a yelp when his head disappears under the dress. The guys catcall and I can hear Autumn shout 'Ow! Woooo!'

Jacob places a kiss under my knee, where I'm most ticklish, causing me to thrash and giggle, almost violently. His teeth latch onto the garter, which he found far too quickly and he emerges, victorious, the thin fabric between his teeth, before launching it into the crowd of guys to the side of the dance floor. Seth catches it without wanting to and the guys pat him on the back, teasing him mercilessly. His eyes are wide and he stalks off.

Cyndi Lauper's 'Girls Just Want to Have Fun' begins to play. I leapt into Jake's arms to kiss him quickly, but passionately, and he sways back a bit. I laugh loudly before grabbing my bouquet and climbing onto the chair as my girls run to stand behind me, squealing, and pushing each other around, giggling. We shake our hips for a bit, singing the lyrics of the chorus before I throw the bouquet over my shoulder as they practically crawl on top of each other to get to it. Brooke shrieks as she catches it and blushes madly after a quick glance at Seth

Well, we know who's next in line to be married, and it's the cutest fucking thing ever.

I jump down, and Autumn twirls me around once before they leave the dance floor. Leaving me alone.

Jake meets my eye. It's time for our first dance. He approaches me. But I hold up a hand to stop him. Charlie whistles to grab everyone's attention and to quiet them down. The beautiful sound of the opening of Elisa's 'Dancing' begins to play as Jacob reaches out his hand and asks, "Mrs. Black, may I have his dance?" I smile, blushing, before taking his hand, nodding and breathlessly saying, "Yes, yes you may."

He leads me to the center of the dance floor, our eyes locked on each other. My heart is swelling. It's dark, there's nothing but candlelight and the lights overheard and I'm so in love I can feel the warmth flowing through my veins.

_Time is gonna take my mind_

_And carry it far away where I can fly_

_The depth of life will dim my temptation to live for you_

His hand falls to my waist and mine is as far up as I can reach on him, which is his chest, as we lean in closer. It's warmth, it's happiness and I have to catch my breath.

_If I were to be alone silence would rock my tears_

_'cause it's all about love and I know better_

_How life is a waving feather_

We sway slowly in a circle, his fingers caressing my waist, the lightest touch. This song defines us. Our love for each other. The fact that I was and always will be his. And he'll be mine. How our life together is just a fleeting second in the history of the world, and to miss that chance would be…disaster, constant sadness, depression.

_So I put my arms around you around you_

_And I know that I'll be leaving soon_

If I had missed this chance, this moment to be with him. If I had chosen another life, if I'd chosen _that other life_, I wouldn't be here.

_My eyes are on you they're on you_

_And you see that I can't stop shaking_

I'm overwhelmed with emotion as I meet his eyes. He cups my face and I reach up to caress his cheek and stare into his eyes, before resting against his chest, listening to his heart beat- it's fast- as we sway around.

_No, I won't step back but I'll look down to hide from your eyes_

_'cause what I feel is so sweet and I'm scared that even my own breath_

_Oh could burst it if it were a bubble_

_And I'd better dream if I have to struggle_

This felt like a dream. I squeezed him tighter and he brushed his fingers across my back to reassure me that he was here. He felt the same way. But, this was real. _And I was his, and he was mine._

_So I put my arms around you around you_

_And I hope that I will do no wrong_

_My eyes are on you they're on you_

_And I hope that you won't hurt me_

He won't. He won't ever hurt me. Not again. I won't ever hurt him again either. I'm not going anywhere. This is it. This is my forever.

_I'm dancing in the room as if I was in the woods with you_

_No need for anything but music_

_Music's the reason why I know time still exists_

He's the reason time still exists. And we have plenty of it.

_Time still exists_

_Time still exists_

_Time still exists_

I'm pressed so hard against him I can feel every line and muscle in his body. Warmth, love, it's surrounding me. I feel a wetness as he leans down and rests his head against mine.

_So I just put my arms around you around you_

_And I hope that I will do no wrong_

_My eyes are on you they're on you_

_And I hope that you won't hurt me_

_My arms around you they're around you_

_And I hope that I will do no wrong_

I look up and he's crying. He kisses me and we're both crying. It's a wet kiss. Brief, but passionate. Cheeks damp, lips quivering, body slightly shaking with this feeling…this _feeling_ of being in love, of being together.

_My eyes are on you they're on you_

_they're on you_

_My eyes_

"I love you," is whispered against the top of my head.

"I love you too," I respond, gasping as a sob catches in my throat.

I feel a hand on my shoulder. Its Charlie cutting in as the music fades out. Jacob steps away, wiping his hand over his face and nods to Charlie, who takes my hand and wipes at my eyes. It's time for the father-daughter dance. I'm already a wreck, and I still have this to get through.

"Before we do this," I say loudly, so everyone can hear, eyes on Charlie, "I want to tell my dad why I agreed to this song he chose for us." He squeezes my hand. I hold my composure and continue to gaze into his eyes. "This song means so much to me. And I chose it, because, I literally almost lost my life, or attempted to take it many years ago." I feel Charlie tremble at the memory. He thinks I'm referring to the cliff-diving incident, and I am, partially. More than anything though, I was referring to when I almost married Edward. When I would've lost my life, my _human_ life, and wouldn't be here. "And I wouldn't have come back if I had. I would've lost everything…but I've _gained_ everything, because I made that decision not to…throw away my life like that."

Every wolf, tribe member, my girls (except Ashley and Angela, and my friends from college) knew exactly what I was referring to. Jacob knew too, of course he did, and he clutched Rachel's hand for support.

My eyes fell on my dad again and he bowed before we moved into position to dance to Steven Curtis Chapman's heartbreaking song 'Cinderella.'

_She spins and she sways_

_To whatever song plays_

_Without a care in the world_

_And I'm sitting here wearing_

_The weight of the world on my shoulders_

Charlie's spinning me around and I smile as he even goes as far as to spin me out and then back to him.

_It's been a long day_

_And there's still work to do_

_She's pulling at me_

_Saying "Dad, I need you_

_There's a ball at the castle_

_And I've been invited_

_And I need to practice my dancing_

_Oh, please, Daddy, please?"_

As the chorus begins we're moving around the entire dance floor. We'd practiced this, dancing before the wedding.

He used to dance with me like this when I was a kid too.

_So I will dance with Cinderella_

_While she is here in my arms_

_'Cause I know something the prince never knew_

_Oh, I will dance with Cinderella_

_I don't want to miss even one song_

_**'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight**_

_**And she'll be gone...**_

Charlie's smiling at me, eyes watering, and my chest tightens. I know the implications of these lyrics. The truth of what could've been.

_She says he's a nice guy and I'd be impressed_

_She wants to know if I approve of the dress_

_She says, "Dad, the prom is just one week away_

_And I need to practice my dancing_

_Oh, please, Daddy, please?"_

Edward and prom. Charlie and I had practiced then too. In the living room, stepping on each other's feet. It'd been the first time in a while I had genuinely laughed with my father.

_So I will dance with Cinderella_

_While she is here in my arms_

_'Cause I know something the prince never knew_

_Oh, I will dance with Cinderella_

_I don't want to miss even one song_

_**'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight**_

_**And she'll be gone**_

The instrumental part rises and he's spinning me around like a pro, standing me on his feet like he did when I was toddler, as we continue to move around. I've never seen my father smile like he is now. And, the otherwise somber mood I'd been feeling because of this song brightens and I can't help but smile at him. This _is_ my father.

_She will be gone_

_Well, she came home today with a ring on her hand_

_Just glowing and telling us all they had planned_

_She says, "Dad, the wedding's still six months away_

_But I need to practice my dancing_

_Oh, please, Daddy, please?"_

Jacob and I. We're married. I remember telling Charlie I was getting married months ago. His face, his expression, his _smile._ How happy he was. How proud, how _euphoric_. How much we giggled when we practiced this particular dance months ago.

_So I will dance with Cinderella_

_While she is here in my arms_

_'Cause I know something the prince never knew_

_Oh, I will dance with Cinderella_

Jacob cuts in and pulls me away from Charlie as we finish the song together. Because Jacob is now going to be the central man in my life.

Or he will be, until this child comes into the world.

_I don't want to miss even one song_

_**'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight**_

_**And she'll be gone**_

There's a steady applause as we end the dance and I race to my father to hug him tightly, kissing his cheek as he grins.

I feel weary, and Autumn notices so she takes me to her seat, informing me it's the mother/groom dance, so I can rest.

The _mother/groom dance_ which Jacob should be doing with Sarah. How was this going to work out? Jacob was seated beside me and seemed confused too.

Rachel and Rebecca were off in a corner talking to the DJ.

* * *

_(Jacob's POV)_

I'm not exactly sure what my psychotic sisters were up to. I'm actually downright confused.

And sad. Really fucking sad, because traditionally this moment would be the time the groom is supposed to dance with his mother and his father. I can't dance with Billy, he's in a wheelchair. And my mother…I know she's here, I can feel her, and it _aches_, but I can't touch her because she's gone and she's not coming back.

I remember her voice, how beautiful she was. As flattering as the picture of her behind me is it doesn't compare to how I remember her. She was angelic in appearance, flawless, like an earth goddess with her rich skin, brown eyes, long hair. I remember her scent- Sandalwood, fire, spices.

Bella, my wife, my beautiful _wife _senses what I'm feeling. She clasps my hand and strokes her fingers over my skin even as the familiar song plays.

It's Lee Ann Womack's 'I Hope You Dance.' My throat tightens and I can feel it- the _emotion_. Pure heartache, but a touch of happiness buried beneath it all as I picture my mother's face.

She used to sing this song to me all the time. She said it was my theme song.

I'm not sure what's going on, why my sister's would play this, until I see a hand stretched in front of me. It's Rachel. I'm stunned, unable to move until the song begins.

_I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,_

_You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,_

_May you never take one single breath for granted,_

_God forbid love ever leave you empty handed._

I take Rachel's hand and we begin to slow dance.

_I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,_

_Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,_

_Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,_

_And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance._

"We can pretend she's here," Rachel shakily whispers in my ear. She's crying. "You can pretend I'm her."

_I hope you dance...I hope you dance._

The tears are pouring from my eyes silently. I don't make a move to stop them.

_I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,_

_**Never settle for the path of least resistance**_

_**Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',**_

_**Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin'.**_

_**Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,**_

_**When you come close to sellin' out reconsider.**_

The verse embodies me and Bella's relationship. My mother…she always placed emphasis on that particular set of lyrics. I catch Bella's eye and…she's crying, shaking from the force of it. But she offers me a smile, a _huge smile_ through her tears.

_Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,_

_And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance._

Rebecca cuts in, mutters she's filling in for mom _and_ dad. I catch my father's eye and he's almost sobbing. It's heartbreaking.

_I hope you dance...I hope you dance._

_I hope you dance...I hope you dance._

_(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,_

_Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)_

_I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,_

_Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,_

_Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,_

_And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance._

Rebecca squeezes me tightly, pulling me down to kiss my cheek, wiping away my tears as we sway some more.

_Dance...I hope you dance._

_I hope you dance...I hope you dance._

_I hope you dance...I hope you dance.._

_(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along_

_Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone)_

The song winds down and the dam breaks. Within seconds, I'm _sobbing_ over my mother's death, I'm _sobbing_ because I'm the happiest I've ever been, even if she's not here. Rachel and Rebecca are hugging me from both sides, and we're crying. Billy rolls over and we kneel down to include him in our embrace.

I feel a warm hand on my back and it's Bella. She hugs me tightly and kisses me deeply, whispering how much she loves me before she turns away to dance with Renee to Reba McEntire's 'I'll Be' for their mother-daughter dance. They giggle, cry, and talk to each other throughout the song. It hits me just how _in love_ with Bella I am as I watch her. That she's _my wife_ and she's the most beautiful thing I've seen. My smile reaches my eyes.

She catches me, sees that I'm staring, and grins back, and it's my cue to cut in to dance with Renee who pretends to swoon when I grip her hand.

* * *

_(Bella's POV)_

As my mother and Jacob finish their dance, I turn to Phil and we dance together to 'My Little Girl' by Tim McGraw. He jokes the entire time, like an old friend, and I realize I love him just as much as everyone else in my new family. He was good to me as a step-father, and he's good to my mother. I tell him that. I say I'm thankful for his presence in my life, particularly my mom's because he makes her so happy. As he pull away he kisses my cheek and lets me know in a casual way that it's okay, and it tugs at my heart strings, in a good way.

I'm back in Jacob's arms again, holding onto him tightly, my fingers digging into the fabric of his shirt at his waist. He faces the group, one arm still wrapped around my waist, both of my arms wrapped around him leaning into his side. "Before we unleash the animals within all the guests," Jake addresses everyone. "And move away from the sentimental stuff…I want to dedicate this next song to Bella."

I look up at him, surprised, and he smiles down at me. "We picked songs for each other and refused to share them till now, right?" I nodded, grinning broadly, nerves lit up with excitement. "This is mine to you." So…can I have another dance?"

I chuckle as our guests laugh and yet again Jacob and I move into a position for a slow dance.

'Everything I Do (I Do It For You)' by Bryan Adams begins to play. This is Jacob's song to me. This is the sum of how he feels about me.

I feel myself begin to tear up again. "Listen carefully," he whispers in my ear, hands on my waist. I can do nothing but nod my head several times.

_Look into my eyes - you will see_

_What you mean to me_

_Search your heart - search your soul_

_And when you find me there you'll search no more_

_**Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for**_

Fighting for me, summed up in one sentence.

_**You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for**_

Protecting me, regardless of what I did to him. Going out of his way to keep me safe.

_You know it's true_

_Everything I do - I do it for you_

_Look into your heart - you will find_

_There's nothin' there to hide_

_Take me as I am - take my life_

_**I would give it all - I would sacrifice**_

I'm his everything. He's _my_ everything. I smile at him, kissing him because I wanted to. I _needed_ to.

_**Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for**_

_**I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more**_

_Ya know it's true_

_Everything I do - I do it for you_

The music reaches its climax and I'm unable to tear my eyes from is. He knows me, all of me, inside and out.

_There's no love - like your love_

_And no other - could give more love_

_There's nowhere - unless you're there_

_All the time - all the way_

We can't be without each other. We can, but it's never something we want to experience again. He loves me. He's _in love_ with me. And I'm in love with him.

_Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for_

_I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more_

_I would fight for you - I'd lie for you_

_Walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you_

Jacob pulls me close and whispers into my ear, "I know you talk about how I'm your sun but…you're my sun too." I gasp at his words, struggling to hold back my tears. "You're my light, you make me the happiest I've ever felt, and I've never wanted anyone as much as you, and I never will again." He pulls away and stares into my eyes. I'm still in a bit of shock and he kisses my lips to draw me back down from my cloud. I was floating away.

_Ya know it's true_

_Everything I do - I do it for you_

The song ends and Jacob is pulled away from me by 'my girls' and forced into a chair that has once again found its way to the dance floor. I'm ready to pout and throw a fit because I wanted to be near him constantly, but my lips curve into a goofy grin when 'Candy Man' by Christina Aguilera starts to play.

Its 'Dollar Dance' time, something the pack and girls all voted to have. Jake and I gave into the pressure and the Dollar Dance was kept.

Okay, _I _was behind this decision, _we both were_, and we chose our 'sexy playful' songs for each other.

The girls are dancing around him, against each other, pulling Jacob up to dance with each of them, singing the lyrics. It becomes a swing dance fest and Jacob should be dizzy with how much he's switching girls, but he's not. The dollars start coming out. Autumn tucks some into his belt. Ashley drops to the floor and tucks some bills into his shoes before being swung up gracefully by Chimera, who's just placed some in his back pockets. He's having a fantastic time even as Leah unbuttons his shirt slightly when she dances with him and shoves a handful of bills inside. He laughs, ticklish, and pulls away, struggling to pull them out but she's not having it and bats his hands away.

I'm dancing with Emily on the sidelines even as the song ends and bleeds into the next one.

The irony of the next song and my situation isn't lost to me. My cheeks are warmer than they've ever been.

50 Cent's 'Baby By Me," Jacob's song to me. _And he had no idea._

Before I protest, out of nowhere, seemingly behind me, the pack boys grab both of my arms and place me in the chair. I fight the whole way, laughing, feet dragging on the floor before Embry lifts me over his shoulder and finally sets me down where he wants me. I go limp, giving up, yet laughing so hard my face hurts, especially when the boys start to break out into this rapper, ghetto stance and dance around me the same exact way. Shirts are unbuttoned, jackets are tossed, Quil's even down to his undershirt and they're singing the lyrics. Each one takes a turn tucking money into every opening in my dress, even my tightly styled hair.

I should be humiliated. The lyrics of this song…it's dirty. But my dad seems thoroughly entertained.

At the 'tongue' part Quil is bent over in front of me, bouncing up and down before he turns around quickly and pulls me to my feet into their circle. I attempt to copy their odd, arms crossed, head nodding movements but fail miserably and they end up laughing at me, but still continue to dance with me. They close in on me as the song begins to end, dancing against me, and I'm sweating and out of breath. They guide me to sit down and Ashley gives me some ice cold water as I take a much needed break.

I felt fine, just a little tired, so I was sure the baby was okay. He or she felt okay; it was like an excited flutter in my womb. Like this child knew what was going on, even if it's only been forming for a few weeks.

Jake sits beside me as our friends and his sisters took over the dance floor, mimicking the movements of the song 'Soulja Boy (Crank That).'

Jacob kisses my cheek. "You okay?" His face is flushed from exertion and bright with happiness.

"Never been better," I say, and it comes out with a puff of laughter as Kyle joins the crowd on the dance floor and impresses everyone as he breaks into these simultaneous movements with Autumn. They lead the group in the chorus of the song. He never seems to surprise me. The boys look very impressed. Kyle can be 'ghetto' is he want to.

The Electric Slide begins and Brooke and Kyle pull me and Jacob to our feet to join the dance. We're pushed front and center, with Kyle on my right and Rachel moving to Jacob's left. I've pretty much forgotten the dance, and I'm trying to meet Kyle's ridiculously suave movements (gay boys _can dance_, no joke). Jacob's trying to follow his sister and Chimera, who pushes him away when he backs up to far and almost collides with her.

Renee pushes between me and Kyle and dances the Electric Slide…perfectly. I look behind me to see basically the entire room is dancing. And I realize I haven't gotten a chance to talk to everyone.

My old friends from college are here. I'd almost completely forgotten.

The Cupid Shuffle starts and everyone's movements change. I glance around, finally seeing my friends I haven't seen in ages. My ex-boyfriend Jeremy is here with…his fiancé. Whoever she is (Lynn if I recall correctly the last time Jeremy and I talked on the phone) she's a gorgeous redhead with a bright smile who's giggling with Carmen and Kim at Jared, Julius, and Jeremy's movements. I sneak out as Jacob gets distracted by Rebecca trying to show him the steps. I edge along the dance floor, just taking everything in.

'Baby Got Back' plays and the dance floor clears a bit, but not by much.

Oh God, _Alicia_, looking foxy as ever, shaking her butt and dancing rather provocatively with Kyle and Quil on either side of her. Lindsay is in an intense, playful dance off with Emily, of all people, and Ashley who's literally attached to Tiffany, who's red hair is just as gorgeous as I remember. Ashley moves to get 'her dance on' with Paul. Rachel doesn't seem to care.

Autumn, who can dance like a pro, cuts in and finishes the song with _fucking Brian_!

The song bleeds into 'What Is Love?' by Haddaway and the 'adults' join their kids. Billy as well as Jake pushes him. Charlie dances with Sue, my mother with Phil and there's…head bobbing. Everyone is doing the same exact movement- standing in place and I'm tempted to laugh my ass off. They finally do more and there are so much partner-switching I'm losing track of who's with whom.

"Mrs. Black," a sexy, familiar voice whispers in my ear. I whip around and can't help but grin at Brian.

"Smooth, Brian, real smooth."

He snickers and I lean up on my tiptoes to hug him. He squeezes my arm. "You wanna meet my sexy, gorgeous wife that I'm completely smitten with?"

I fan my hand dramatically. "Why of course, good sir," I say in a fake British accent. "And I'd hope you're smitten with her, since you _married her_, you know."

He laughs that laugh I still remember as he tugs me to a group that features Autumn, Alicia, Lindsay, Tiffany, and some other girl, who's back is to me. I hug my three college-mates without hesitation before turning my attention to Brian after Autumn pats my back and walks away. "This is Elizabeth."

_Oh._ Oh _wow._ _Whoa._ Brian's wife is hot. She's extremely curvy with blue eyes, brown hair, and her waist is tiny and her boobs are enormous and she has the prettiest face I've ever seen. And fucking hell, they weren't joking when they said she looked like Carmen Electra.

She introduces herself, and she's very sweet. Sweeter than I imagined. And Brian is looking at her like a love struck puppy, like she's the only thing that matters in his world. I catch his eye and nod my approval and he flashes that devastatingly handsome, evil, mischievous smirk of his.

A pair of hands settles on my waist and I turn to see Jacob, smiling at Brian and Elizabeth, who excuse themselves as I whirl around to face him. "Yes, Mr. Black."

He smiles, and we sway around in a circle once. "Mrs. Black, the other Black's would like to invite you and your family to dance with us."

My smile faded to a look of confusion and I scrunched my nose. "Huh."

As an answer, 'We are Family' by Sister Sledge begins to play.

I double over, laughing and grin as I run out to the dance floor to join my mother, father, step-father, Billy and the twins, and Jacob follows. Arms are thrown over shoulders and we belt out the lyrics, smiling at each other, swaying back and forth. Billy manages to move with us in his wheelchair. And yeah_, this song_…_this_ is my family.

The rest of the 'family' joins. The pack and their girls join in and we're clustered in a huge circle on the dance floor, dancing in place. Naira, Levi, and Claire dance in the center of the circle, in that strange, jerky, bouncy way kids do. There are smiles and laughter, hand holding, claps on backs, kisses on cheeks and it's what defines my happiness all in one spot.

I glance up at Jacob, who smiles down at me, feeling the same as the song closes. He understands why my eyes are welling with tears. He knows it's because I wanted this family, wanted _his_ family to be mine, more than anything.

It was time to wind things down…for a moment. I take a break with Jacob to rest, and get off my feet for a while. I take a moment to appreciate the fact I agreed to not wear shows to this.

The couples have paired off for Kelly Clarkson's 'Anytime.' I crawl into Jacob's lap when he opens his arms in invitation and I snuggle against him. It's the first quiet moment we've had all day. We don't say anything to each other. We don't feel the need to. It's never really been about words between us. I'm in his arms, almost curled in a ball in his lap and my head is against him.

I do watch our friends though and my parents with a smile on my face. Kyle's even bought his 'buddy' with him to the dance floor and they're slow dancing. Is he finally going to settle his lovely promiscuous ass down? I chuckle and Jacob kisses my head.

That's when my eyes land on Chimera, with her boyfriend, who I'd met during dinner. He didn't seem like he was her type- he was barely taller than her, a head of curly hair, lanky and a pair of beautiful green eyes. I remember talking to him- he was such a dork and sweet and she looked so into him. I'd never seen her look at anyone like that, not even Jacob. And right now, they were a breadth away from each other, smiling, relaxed.

"Jake," I whisper. And I don't know what inspires me to say it, but I do. "She finally found the Jacob to her Bella."

I glance up at him and he smiles back. It's sincere, but small, and beautiful. "Yeah, she did, didn't she?"

We silently communicate our thoughts to each other with our eyes. "She finally found happiness," Jacob says in a hushed tone, barely a whisper. And I realize he's talking about us too.

He kisses me, just the smallest of pecks, and I send him my brightest smile before snuggling into his arms again.

Moments later, the atmosphere picks up again and Jacob and I are drawn to the madness on the dance floor. The boys are dancing to 'SexyBack' by Justin Timberlake, showing off for the girls who are giggling and whispering like fan-girls on the sidelines. Jacob is dragged in with the guys and they all dance. He's playfully looking at me and mouthing the lyrics and I join the girls, giggling like a preteen with them.

I love these people so much.

I'm pleased to notice the parents have settled in a pocket in the far corner sharing a couple of bottles of wine.

In retaliation to 'SexyBack,' the girls and I danced our _dirtiest_ (well what we could do in front of the parents), to Christina Aguilera's 'Dirrty.' I'm lost in the song again and dancing rather well in my dress. My college friends have joined us, and Kyle decided to jump in too, saying a rather loud 'fuck it' and _gets his sexy on_ with us. With Kyle's addition it gets uncontrollable and _insane_. There's back bending, drops to the floor, booty-shaking. It's quite censored considering what we're capable of, but it's not exactly the cleanest dancing. Kyle's even lowered to the floor at one point- me in front of him, trying to get that low, laughing, and Elizabeth behind him. It's a short version of the song and we're sweating by the end of it.

The boys' mouths are on the floor, basically. Kyle's new boyfriend, or whatever he is, fuck-buddy, friend-with-benefit, I don't know, looks…amazed. Quil is drooling at all these beautiful girls.

Sometimes, I feel really sorry for Quil. It's such a shame to imprint on a toddler. It must be driving him up the wall.

We end the song acting like we hadn't just done what we did and the music changes into a much smoother, although still sexy song, 'Bed' by J. Holiday. We couple off. Jake's shaking his head at my antics and I play innocent as I pull him onto the floor with me.

I really knew there was no way we all would've kept this reception PG. Thank goodness the kids were outside running around, where the parents had apparently disappeared too.

Quil smirked. "At least we got _some_ dirty in." He winks at Alicia, Tiffany, and Lindsay who are on both his arms. And I realize I shouldn't feel sorry for him. He doesn't care. _Smug bastard._

We're pressed rather close to our respective others for this song and it gets a little filthy, but the song is to slow for it to be too sexy for the circumstances. I blurt out to Jake, "This makes me really want to have sex." My eyes widen at my words

Jake laughs at my expression.

Why did I just say that? I burst out laughing even as he says, the smile evident in his voice, since I can't really see him because I'm pressed against his front, "Later."

Well, I can't argue with that.

The final song before we do the last slow song is 'Swing' by Savage. The parents have returned and all the guests get the last of their energy out in this song. It's almost madness on the dance floor.

I sit on one of the tables, and Jake leabs against the table beside me. "So," I nudged him. "_Hubby_." He blushes and lets out a tiny laugh. "The next song is for you."

He sips his champagne. "About time I get to hear the song you picked for me." He sets his glass down and pulls me against him.

"It's very fitting, you'll discover."

He smiled down at me, kissing the top of my head. "I'm sure."

I glanced at the floor. "This is weird."

"Uh…Sean's dancing or…?"

I laugh loudly. Sean's movements are hilariously awkward as he attempts to dance with Chimera to the song. She just kisses him, laughing against his mouth. "No, I mean you and me." He arches an eyebrow as I face him. "I feel like a girl in hopelessly in love for the first time, or on her first date."

"Um…why?" He sounds genuinely intrigued.

I fidget with my fingers. He grabs my hand, lacing our fingers together to stop me. "It's just…" I blush, carefully meeting his eyes. "This is all so new. Today is new, everything after today will be new…and it's like the beginning but it's not…do you get me? Do you get what I'm saying?"

He flashes that blindingly white smile that makes my insides melt and my body temperature rise. "This is the start of everything for us." He cups my cheek and leans down so our faces are level, his head titled down and mine up because he's slightly above me even at this angle. "So yeah, I get you." He searches my eyes before leaning in for a tender kiss, one that has me stroking his forearm and pulling away with a nervous laugh.

The song ends and we're back on the dance floor for the last time tonight.

As the music begins I remind Jacob of the importance of this song as our family and friends look on. "It's called 'Beautiful' by Trading Yesterday. Change it to a girl singing about a guy, and it's my song to you."

_And time stands still beneath the air of waiting hours_

_To touch, just to feel a love that seems to overpower me_

_She's all I'll ever need_

_And you know her love just hypnotizes me_

_'Til All I see is beautiful_

He's catching on to the implications of the lyrics. He understands now. His features morph and shift as he comes to recognition.

_At night I dream that you were sent to me from heaven_

_My Life, it seems so lonely here without your presence_

_You could change my everyday_

_And I could never think of love without your name_

_As you remain-_

His eyes widen as he pulls me closer. "Sort of beautiful," was all that left his open-with-shock mouth.

"No," I shake my head. "_Beautiful_."

_Beautiful- like the summer rain to wash away the winter stain_

_Beautiful- like the morning sun inviting the dawn to break_

_Beautiful- like the joy that comes when the love you've longed for has just begun_

_Beautiful- making everything brand new_

_Beautiful you_

Us. The future ahead of us. It was all new. And it was perfect.

My mind flashed back to the moment I told him he was _sort of beautiful_. I was injured, he was helping me. And it just hit me, and I couldn't keep it in anymore. "_Did you know you're sort of beautiful?"_

_And all this time you're changing me to something better_

_A love so high that everyday that we're together_

_I will leave the world below_

_Until your heart becomes the only thing I know_

_All I know is-_

His heart and my heart. As one. My feelings for him…a love I can't really describe but just to simply say, "Yeah, I'm in love with him."

_Beautiful- like the summer rain to wash away the winter stain_

_Beautiful- like the morning sun inviting the dawn to break_

_Beautiful- like the joy that comes when the love you've longed for has just begun_

_Beautiful- making everything brand new_

_Beautiful you_

He plants a huge kiss on me and my eyes widen in shock, before I melt into his embrace, closing my eyes.

Taylor Swift's sappy, sweet, and utterly perfect song 'Today was a Fairytale,' plays as Jake rushes ahead of me as we leave after saying goodbye to everyone. I follow him outside to see the pack laughing their ass off at his reaction to the fact that his motorcycle and Mustang have been hazed by them- spray paint, flowers, toilet paper, you name it. A just married sign is across the back of his Mustang

Jake looks furious for half a second before he sees me, struggling to hold back my laughter at the look on his face, and he breaks into a grin, running towards me to swoop me into his arms. I let out a loud shriek as we head to the Mustang. Our honeymoon information is tucked in Jacob's suit's jacket pocket which he's put back on. I can't help but complain loudly, "How in the world am I supposed to fit in that thing?"

Minutes later I'm tucked into the passenger seat, by some unnatural feat, my dress piled up around me and Jake revving the engine as we speed off into the mountains towards our Honeymoon destination.

"Why not the motorcycle?" I have to ask.

"Because I don't think you'd fit on it with such a massive dress…" He cackles.

I scoff. "I could change!" I smile.

"You have forever to ride it with me, honey."

Oh yeah, I do. _I really do._

* * *

(A/N: Only two more chapters of _Never Too Late_ to go. Sorry if ya'll were expecting for Jacob to find out she's pregnant this chapter. Next chapter it'll happen, I swear. And then after that one…it's the epilogue. So close people! **Reviews would be lovely, as long as they don't say how pissed you are I waited so long to update.** I have a life, ya know, a very busy BUSY life. I'm back in the swing of writing and I feel so accomplished after finally getting this chapter out, that the next one will be up sometime next month and the epilogue shortly after. I got that tiny ounce of inspiration back. =))


	39. Undeniable

Disclaimer: blah blah Stephenie Meyer sucks blah blah blah

(A/N: Thanks for the reviews, faves, and alerts! I'm so surprised a lot of you are still reading! Congrats to **jharv241** for being my 1400th reviewer! =) **There's a poll in my profile asking who your favorite OC in NTL is! I really want to know, so go take it- you can choose up to two people. I'll announce the winner in the final chapter (if enough people participate). You have to be logged in to take it, so just don't log out when you leave a review. =) **The graphic for this chapter is on my JB-n-Pack group for this story and my photobucket account, linked in my profile.)

(Shameless self-pimping: check out my Tumblr, linked in my profile as well, and follow if you're interested. I LOVE that website. Fair warning: I rarely (like, never) post anything Twilight related, and it's mostly Glee with a helping of Harry Potter and random things. Those of you who are following me, don't be afraid to say 'hi' or let me know who you are so we can talk =))

(**Some of you may be disappointed, but there is not a descriptive sex scene in this chapter, and there won't be one for the rest of the story, because I have no desire to write one. **In fact, this one's a short chapter, because there's really only one scene I care about in it =) **Also, I promised this story would be finished before 2012 but it turns out life got absolutely insane (I don't even know where to begin and I don't want to go into details, but let's just say...things have been an **_**absolute fucked up mess**_**) and I hardly had any time on my computer **(which died again by the way; I wrote this on my mom's computer).** The epilogue will be up at the end of March/beginning of April at the latest, **because I do not want to have to think about it anymore. I won't make you wait for the last chapter, I swear, and that's I promise I can actually keep. Thanks again for your patience!)

(Oh, and **anonymous reviewer, Jackie**? If you love this story enough, you'll wait. My life has been out of control- if you saw my post on JB-n-Pack, it explained some things.)

(Also, dearest readers, want to know where I got this inspiration to write this from? I gave in and watched _Breaking Dawn Part 1_ and surprisingly liked it because it wasn't just focused on Edward and Bella. It was a blessing to have more face time from other characters. Also, Kristen's acting was actually good in that movie. Whoa. I also watched _Abduction_ with our boy Taylor, because I do still like him, and **damn** he's attractive, and that kissing scene? Guh. Yep, I watched both, for a dollar from Redbox. Lol)

* * *

**Chapter 36: Undeniable**

_(Bella's POV)_

I'm roused from my sleep by a quick, firm squeeze of Jacob's fingers. He'd held my hand, our fingers twined together, during the entire drive, only letting go to shift gears. I felt anchored to the earth and relaxed after the high I'd had the entire day. I hadn't meant to fall asleep because I didn't want to miss a single second of today, but some time during the drive, after drawing 'Jacob and Bella forever' across the top of Jacob's hand nearly twenty times with the tips of my fingers, I'd dozed off.

So, when my eyes snap open and instinctively look through the windshield, my heart catches in my throat and I can't find words to say as my mouth opens and closes like a fish.

The view is _breathtaking_.

The sun is setting, and there's that blue tint that seems to be painted over everything right before it gets dark. _Twilight._ There's a layer of fog over the mountains, but even then, everything is so crisp and clear that I can see them for miles. We're slightly above sea level and there's a massive bay between the mountains that feeds into the ocean far beyond it. The water within it is so blue (the perks of living on the West Coast include the dark blue of the Pacific Ocean) it looks like it shouldn't be real, and should be something straight out of a fairy tale. I see the hotel as we continue on; it's raised further above and is surprisingly small.

Jacob is the one to break the silence as he parks. "Remind me to kiss those four bastards' feet for even finding this place."

I laugh, throwing my head back, as he comes around the other side to open the door for me, gripping my hand. "I knew Julius would show his usefulness at one point."

He chuckles before swooping me up in his arms, bridal style. I hide my head in his chest, laughing, "Seriously?" I can feel my cheeks warm up and I'm blushing. He kisses my forehead, and it's soft, just a brush of his lips, but it makes me tingle all over and close my eyes in bliss for a second.

I take a look around us as he carries me up a set of steps. We're alone, isolated; the next 'room' is through the trees below us and I can't even see the one beside us, but there's a small dirt road that leads to it, verifying its existence.

"What kind of hotel is this?"

"Bells, sweetheart, it's called a honeymoon suite," he says, affectionately as he carries me through a sliding glass door, and gently sets me down.

"Oh wow," is all I can get out before he's swooping me into another kiss. I'm so surprised I squeak and he grabs my ass to pull me back up into his arms, deepening the kiss, encouraged by such a tiny noise. I break away, slapping his chest, giggling. "Put me down, I want to explore our _suite_."

He obeys and my feet wiggle in search of a flat surface, before he gently drops me to the floor, laughing. "Lead the way."

It's small and one room, which is _different_. There's an open bathroom of marble, blocked from view only by a room (if you could even call it that) with no door, and a small, full kitchen of beautifully polished wood. The floors are a sleek, beech wood to match the kitchen cabinets. Everything is accented by white and there's incense on various surfaces that makes the room smell like sandalwood. It gives off a very earthy vibe and it almost feels like home, which is comforting.

It's the bed though that's the real icing on the cake. It's separated by nothing but two steps that lead us down and it's directly in front of the living room (a small, open air area of beige and white couches with a fireplace in the corner). There's a king sized, white, canopy bed with sheer draping along the top and Jacob throws himself at it, burying his face in the fluffy pillows, sighing loudly, "This is heaven."

I want to join him, but I'm drawn to what's in front of the bed. It doesn't even look like there are windows, and there aren't. The view is of the lake and the ocean beyond, and off to the sides I can see the mountains, glowing as the suns last few rays disappear below the horizon. I'm rooted to the spot until the sun sets. I hear Jacob shift and snicker, before he's wrapping his arms around me from behind, "I'm assuming they think where exhibitionists or something."

I laugh at that and give in to the urge to retort, clasping his forearms with my hands and running my fingers along them unconsciously, "You, maybe, but not me."

He kisses my neck, stifling a laugh against my skin and I lean into the touch and whisper. "I'm officially yours, you know that right?"

"Yeah," he breathes out, almost like a gasp, like it's hitting him, finally, after all these years. "You are."

Doesn't he know that I've always been his?

He pulls away with one last kiss to the nape of my neck and flicks on the lamps. A romantic golden, rosy glow is cast on the bedroom. The fire place is lit and there's a single light on in the kitchen and by the door, but that's all the light we have and it's enough.

It turns out the windows do close, but with buttons beside the bed. What kind of futuristic, expensive place is this?

"Bella, honey, I'm gonna go get our things and take a swim. Care to join me?"

I tear myself away from the view and face him, smiling because how can I not when he's looking at me like I'm the most beautiful thing in the world?

He _always _looks at me like that and it takes my breath away every time.

"I'm going to get out of this heavy, suffocating wedding dress and shower, but I'll definitely join you." I pause for a second and watch him go before I cry out, "Wait, Jake?"

"Yeah?" He peers around the open door.

"Where in the world are we going to swim?"

He smiles another one of those blindingly bright smiles. "We have our own property. There's a lagoon down the steps from the bedroom." He's gone before I can respond and I take a second to take everything in.

Okay. Okay then._ Wow_. "Chimera, Julius, Autumn, and Embry? We owe you big."

I know Jacob's going to respect my privacy, so I retreat to the bathroom to soak in the bath and make a phone call. He won't listen, I know. He has no need to. I'm his, and he's mine, and there is nothing but trust between us now.

I strip down and sink into the water. It's hot and I realize I ache _everywhere_; my feet are numb from dancing and my back aches from sitting in the car and being on my feet all day. And, even though the stress of the wedding is off my shoulders, I still have to tell him. I smile behind my hands at the thought of this _baby _growing inside me.

There's a message on my phone. It's Summer, who's returned my call from this morning.

I call back immediately and she picks up before the first ring ends. "Hello, Bella."

"Hi," I whisper. I don't need to talk loud with her and it's nice to not have to raise my voice. I'm in relax-mode at the moment, I shouldn't have to. That doesn't keep me from getting straight to the point. "Did you know?"

She knows what I'm talking about. "The second I entered the house, yes."

"That's why you helped me."

"Yes." There's silence for a bit. "I would've called earlier, but I knew the wedding was in progress. I left a message as late as I could. I knew you needed to know. And we made a deal that we wouldn't contact you unless you contacted us. I had to resist the urge to tell you when you came to say goodbye and call you the second you left."

"Is…is he or she healthy?"

"I can't pick up the gender, but yeah, your baby's fine, Bella. More than fine, healthy and strong, like its parents." I feel tears prickling my eyes and I smile. "You are taking the prenatal vitamins right?"

"Yeah, I picked them up today. I won't forget, I promise."

"Eat right, okay? Eat a lot."

I'm warmed by her concern. "I will. I promise."

"Have you told Jacob?"

"I'm going to," I breathe in deeply, smiling, and let out a shaking breath through my 'happy' tears. "Tonight." There's another silence. "Thank you, Summer. It's such a…relief to be able to talk to somebody about this. And I'm actually glad you didn't tell me when we met. The process of finding out was perfect."

"Anything for you, Bella. This family will always love you, you know that right?"

I nod before I realize she can't see me. "Yes, I know."

"If you need anything, don't hesitate to call."

"One thing. Don't tell Rosalie. I wanted her to be godmother and I'd like to tell her myself."

"Of course."

"Thank you, again, Summer." We say goodbye and I know it's time to break the news.

* * *

I decide not to dry off. It's a little chilly outside, but not by much, and I'll be getting right back in the water again.

I'm confident now and stroll right down the steps in nothing but a skimpy, black nightgown I dug out from my suitcase, a gift from the girls and Kyle, who said in the note that my body will be _simply divine_ in this piece.

I love that guy.

Jacob's already in the water when I get there. _Jesus_, we have a _lagoon_, and it's blue green and enclosed by trees. Our suite is right above us, at an angle and the view is just as glorious as it is from the bedroom. Stars dot the sky, sparkling in the reflection of the water, and there's a gentle breeze rustling the trees. It's so peaceful, and it's _perfect_.

Apparently, I got sidetracked because when I turn to Jacob he's staring at me with a raised eyebrow. I roll my eyes, "Shut up, I've never seen a place this beautiful, dummy."

He chuckles. "I know."

A wave of pleasure rolls through my body as I soak in that expanse of glistening, tan skin. The water is clear and you can see straight to the bottom, and I can see e_verything_. "You jerk, you got naked without me!"

He laughs. "I guess that means you'll have to join me."

I stick my tongue out, and pull my nightgown over my head, hesitating for just a second before I jump in. I just took my clothes off, in_ public_. I feel like such a carefree kid tonight and it's wonderful. And besides, I don't think I've ever gone skinny-dipping…

There's a first for everything, right?

I swim over to him and he's down at my level so I can wrap my legs and arms around him and be face to face with him. We kiss for a good five minutes, and it's slow and sensual; we're in no rush at all. He's simply moving us around in the water, floating, and reacting to every single action of the kiss, from the twitch of my fingers along his arms to the slight nibble of my teeth on his lips.

This is _my husband_ that I'm kissing.

I pull away and he caresses my face, fingers sliding over my lips as I speak, "As much as I'd love to do this whole public sex thing, we have all week to do that, and…" I gaze into his eyes. "I need to tell you something."

His eyes widen comically and he looks alarmed. "Jake!" I quickly say. "It's not bad, I swear. In fact…" My eyes flicker to his neck. I can't look at him right now; I'm brimming with excitement and nerves. "…it's wonderful."

Now I really do laugh at his blank, confused expression. "Come on," I grab his hand and lead him back up the stairs.

* * *

_(Jacob's POV)_

This is one of those moments where I can't read Bella. And it's _terrifying_.

She looks so happy and excited though as we head back into the house, smiling at me like this is the best thing that's ever happened to her. It's a brighter smile than the one at the wedding.

Damn it, insecurities creeping up again. Why? I mean seriously, why the fuck am I worried? She wouldn't be that _cheerful_ if it was something bad. She's shaking though. I can see and feel the slight vibrations moving under her skin.

She crawls on the bed, naked, and I'm forcing my arousal down because whatever she has to say is important and _that_ part of me can hold out a bit longer. Bella, _my wife_, gets my attention first in all situations now.

She's lying on her back. I swallow a lump in my throat, "Any reason you're not sitting up?"

"Jake, I'm shaking. I can't sit up for this."

I sit beside her on the edge of the bed and grab her hand. "I'm here."

"I know." She pats the bed and scoots over, "Now come _here_."

Jesus Christ, she's beautiful. All pale, beige skin, rosy cheeks and lips and big brown eyes. Her body is curvier now too, I notice as I crawl in beside her. Her hips fuller, belly rounder, breasts…_oh Jesus_, her breasts are _bigger_.

_Not now, Jake, not now._

"You're fat." I tease, poking her stomach.

She gasps in shock. "I am not! I'm older."

I smile and lean in to kiss her briefly, cupping her cheeks. "True."

Delayed reactions must still be her thing because she slaps me a minute later. "I hate you." She pouts, but I can see a smile curling at the corner of her lips.

"Yep, you definitely do. Totally why you married me right?"

She smirks. "No, I obviously married you because of your ridiculously sculpted body and your lovely…" She gazes down pointedly, right at my _cock_. "_Attributes_."

Oh, I trained her well.

"I knew it," I feign defeat with an exaggerated sigh.

There's a moment of silence between us, and our eyes are locked as we just _stare_ at each other. She's trailing her fingers across my arms, upper chest and face and I'm tracing patterns on every bit of her I can reach- circles under her breasts, words on her stomach, brief touches along her cheeks. "Bella, honey, what's going on?" I grasp her hand curled over her stomach. "You've got me nervous too." It's true; I'm practically shivering with it.

She watches me for a bit longer then her eyes drop to my neck. "Put your head on my stomach."

_Huh?_

I tilt her head up to meet her gaze. "Um…" She smile softly and that's all I need. "Okay."

This is…odd.

I shift down and rest my chin on her stomach, looking up at her. She chuckles. "You look like a puppy."

My mouth drops open with a sound of mock horror. "I take offense to that."

"As if." She rolls her eyes and strokes the top of my head, fingers running over my hair. Her expression softens. "What do you hear?"

I'm still puzzled, but I comply, turning my head so my ear rests on her belly.

The first thing I hear is a loud, strong sound. It's her heart, the thing that pumps the blood through her veins and gives her flesh that rosy tone I love so much.

"Tell me," she whispers.

"Your heart." I breathe out and her stomach and thighs tremble from the action. "And it has to be the most beautiful noise I've ever heard." Her trembling increases.

There's another sound, coming from me, a steady beat, stronger than hers, and faster. "My heart."

In fact, I can hear both our hearts beating, trying to match the other one's in cadence.

"One in the same now, right?"

Christ, when did she become the romantic? Talking about out hearts being one, the _two of us _being one.

That's when I hear it. It's quiet, so quiet that it's hard for my ears to pick up. It's such a soft pitter-patter that it sounds like butterfly wings or light rainfall against a window.

And it's coming from her, from _inside_ of her.

I look up at her, eyes widening, to find her smiling wide, blushing from head to toe. "Jesus fucking Christ, Bella," I gasp out. "Is that…is that what I think it is?"

This can't be happening. I literally have everything I ever wanted if that's the case. _Everything._

"Bella," I squeeze her thigh, begging her with my eyes, needing confirmation. I'm shaking so hard I'm surprised the bed isn't moving.

She's crying now and I'm about to fucking lose it too when she says, "You're going to be a daddy, Jacob."

I can't move. Everything's in sharp focus all of the sudden and Bella's an _angel_, she's emitting such happiness it's like she has an ethereal glow about her.

I'm on my feet when I finally recover. "You're kidding right?" Because, this is happening and I can't even accept it's real because this all still feels like a dream.

"Jacob," she laughs, sitting up. "How can I be joking? You heard it yourself."

"Christ, Bella, how far along are you? I can hear that," I point to her stomach, grinning like a fool. "How in the…?"

"Eight weeks. I found out this morning."

I'm in a sort of frenzy. It's not bad, but I'm definitely not calm. I'm excited and still in shock, probably. "And…you waited that long to tell me? I'd have told everybody you were pregnant the instant you told me. I wouldn't have been able to keep it to myself."

"It was killing me to wait to tell you, to tell anyone, but mostly you, believe me."

My hand rubs my forehead in thought. It's like a sudden rush of information has been transferred all at once to my brain. "That's why you wouldn't drink. That's what…" I turn to her and rush to her side to hold her hands in mind. "I heard it. I heard the heartbeat during the ceremony."

"What?"

"Holy fucking…Bella…" I pause for merely a second before sweeping her into my arms and kissing her face, everywhere I can reach as she sits tangled in my arms with her legs around me. I kiss her nose, her cheeks, her temple, her mouth, her hairline, her ear, her eyelids.

We fall back into the bed, laughing and kissing and rolling around and I've pinned her under me, kissing her stomach. She twitches with giggles, ticklish. "I can still have sex with you, right?" I say, breathless. "Because this calls for a celebration."

"Oh my God," she laughs, "Yes, Jacob, we can have sex, it won't hurt the baby."

"Lots of sex? It _is_ our honeymoon."

"Yes, _darling_. But, I _am_ a pregnant woman, okay? I can't do marathon sex because I'm tired, like, all the time."

"Of course," I say, voice rising with excitement. Because this, Bella and I having a child, is happening. This isn't some fantasy cooked up in my sick imagination. It's real. This isn't dream. She's not still with Edward and I'm not heartbroken. Not anymore. "I'm going to treat you like a fucking Queen this week, and after, until the baby's born and after that. Lots of good food, because you're eating for two, and massages and cuddling and mind-blowing sex. I promise."

She laughs and it's beautiful. Her eyes are shut and her head tossed back, body shaking with laughter. "Enough, Jake." We settle and the laughter is silenced. "Now make love to your wife, _hubby_."

Now how can I refuse that?

* * *

_(Bella's POV)_

As far as honeymoons go, this one has got to be one of the best. But then again, I'm sure every bride thinks that about her honeymoon.

We're lazy the first day, and do nothing but eat, sleep, and have sex. No complaints there.

The next couple of days, both of us are already restless so we take a tour around the land of the hotel, and spend some time by the water, just taking everything this place has to offer in.

He takes me hiking another day, and we get so high up I can't make it down, so he gladly helps me, throwing me over his back for a piggy-back ride. I'm exhausted that night and he bathes me and tucks me in. I pass out as soon as my head hits the pillows.

I only had morning sickness twice, and _my husband_ is there to hold my hair back and draw soothing circles on my back. Because, I'm sharing this with him now. It's not just me and baby; he gets to be with me the rest of the way, and experience every tiny step this pregnancy has to offer. We get to watch my belly grow as such a perfect being grows inside of me.

It's the last night, and after we've made love, we're lying on the bed, sweating after a rather intense round of sex I didn't know my body could take.

We curl close together, my hand clasped over his on my stomach, our heads inches apart. He brushes his nose against mine. "What're we going to name it?"

"I haven't thought of it, at least, as far as a guy goes," I say, honestly. "If it's a girl, I undoubtedly want it to be named after your mother, and of course my mother, but your mom takes precedence. I was thinking…Sarah Renee Black."

It's the one thing I knew instantly would be the name of our baby if it's a girl. Maybe we can have two. A boy and a girl.

Like my vision.

Jake catches my intake of breath at that thought. "That's…thank you." I blink up at him to find him staring back, eyes shining with tears.

"Do you like it?" I smile and I'm close to crying again.

"Yeah, I do." He kisses me slowly. "She or he better have your eyes…"

"And your smile…" I grin. "And preferably your skin tone and your silky black locks," I touch the hair over his ears, giggling.

"Fine, although, I do like your skin tone, you know that." He holds his hand over my stomach and I see the contrast I love so much. He smiles. "But, if he of she doesn't get to have your skin tone, can they have your curls?"

I laugh. _This_ is playful banter between a married couple. _This_ is love. "Jake, I'm pretty sure we're not going to care what features the kid has between the two of us when he or she enter the world, we'll be so in love with that baby, regardless."

"Hmmm…I guess." His serious face breaks into a wide smile and we're falling into fits of laughter again. "Charlie's going to flip his shit."

"Shhh," I place my finger to his lips. "Not that kind of language around the baby."

"Please," he whispers into my ear, "You said _fuck _about six times earlier." He nibbles on my ear.

I push him away, blushing. "Very funny, Jacob Black."

"I try my best, Bella Black."

Oh. That stops us both. "We're married," I gasp. "Wow."

"I'd sure hope so," he continues to tease.

Another fit of laughter consumes us and it takes a while for us to be quiet this time. My sides hurt from laughing so much.

But when we do, he's staring at me like he's falling in love all over again, and I'm sure I look the same. I'm practically going cross-eyed he's so close to me.

His fingers lightly trail down my cheek. "I've never loved you more, Bella. Didn't think it was possible, but it is, because, _fuck_, that's _our baby_ inside of you," His hand settles back on mine on my stomach and my other trails down his side to join in the embrace. "And now I can love another person as much as I love you."

I'm speechless. "That's a lot of love," I whisper.

He smiles and winks. "I think I can handle it."

I know that statement is nothing short of the truth. I know he loves me more than anything in this world, and now, there's this child that gets to experience the extent of Jacob's love, and it's the greatest gift we've ever been given. So, I simply say, my voice heavy with emotion, "I know you can."

* * *

(A/N: I had a bit more I wanted to include in this, but that ending for this chapter just came to me and I couldn't write after that. It was perfect. **The epilogue will be up this weekend or at the latest the first week in April**. Almost there folks! Thank you for your continued patience. **Reviews are love**. Reminder: **There's a poll in my profile asking who your favorite OC in NTL is! I really want to know, so go take it- you can choose up to two people. I'll announce the winner in the next chapter (aka the final chapter) if enough people participate. You have to be logged in to take it, so just don't log out when you leave a review. =) **Check out my tumblr, linked in my profile. Also, I already have the name for a boy picked out…that will be in the next chapter.)


	40. Epilogue: Sarah Renee and Jaden Matthew

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns this shit. I'm done writing for her fandom after this, so no need to freak. Also, there are references/direct quotes from _Eclipse_. Lyrics: Dare You To Move- Switchfoot (I know they're a Christian band, and if you look at it that way it doesn't really fit, but don't think of it that way. Red is a Christian band too, and you'd NEVER know it unless you look at the lyrics that way- they're songs are fitting for this story regardless of what they're really about)

(A/N: This is it folks. Epically long author's note (kinda) at the end, but before then…Thanks to all the reviews, faves, and alerts! Special shout out to **asa Taylor** (if you're still reading) - the boy name you gave ages ago was the one I chose. =) Also, I referenced tons of pregnancy websites for the baby's growth, birth, etc, but I apologize if I've gotten something wrong.)

(**Poll results!** Even though I'd hoped for more votes, I'm not the slightest bit surprised that Autumn kicked ass and won as usual! Directly behind her were Chimera (very close), Brian, and Kyle (in that order). Thank you to those who participated!)

* * *

**Epilogue: Sarah Renee and Jaden Matthew Black **

_Tension is here_

_Between who you are and who you could be_

_Between how it is and how it should be_

_Pregnancy: Weeks 12-15_

_(Bella's POV)_

It's early morning, and I'm gazing at myself in the mirror.

I look…content. I can't remember the last time I was this happy, or things were this _perfect_.

I'm glowing too. It's like there's this light emitting from my very core.

I know it's because of this baby. Me and Jacob's baby. _Our_ baby.

And there's evidence there, finally, not just a sonogram. There's a bump. It's small, rather unnoticeable at first glance, but for someone with my small frame, I can see it. My abdomen's swollen and I can happily visit the girls at Rachel's engagement party this afternoon and _show _them.

When we returned home (_and it's so nice to call it that_) from the honeymoon, Jacob couldn't take it anymore. He'll scowl and blush when I make the comparison, but he was shaking like an excited puppy and itching to pounce on everyone and just _tell_. So, I let him, after we told our family, obviously.

Charlie was a bit put off at first but he was smiling by the end of dinner. Billy and Jacob's sisters literally squealed with excitement. Billy _squealed_. It was very manly of course, but he did. And my mother? She couldn't stop talking she was so excited.

Tackle hugs happened with the boys and I was lifted in the air about thirty times between all of them. Poor Seth kept begging them to put me down, _what if it hurts the baby! Jake! _I just laughed and Jacob reassured Seth_, really it's okay._

The girls (and Kyle…and his, I literally gasped, _boyfriend_. About time) went wild. The Pack had to step away for a bit, because this many girls (and gay men) talking all at once? It must sound like a crowd at a concert. I'm pretty sure they cringed at the noise despite their excitement.

I talked to Leah alone after things died down and asked her to be my other godmother (I explained about Rosalie and she understood). I've never seen Leah cry before, not this hard, and not like this. She was heartbroken because this is all she gets unless she decides to adopt. She can't have kids. But, she was _so happy_ and I received about five kisses on my face from her as a result of her gratitude.

"Don't expect affection like that ever again, Bella," she snapped. I was alarmed, until she smiled one of those rare smiles she rarely lets anyone see about two seconds later.

So, here I am. In the house Jacob built for us (it was completed after the wedding. Its perfect- small, quiet, wood-furnished and so _us_), about to show him that he can _see _I have a baby in me now. Not just some picture on a screen.

"Jake!" I cried, bouncing up and down, barely containing my excitement.

"Coming!" He shouted from somewhere outside. He was by my side seconds later. "Everything okay?" He looked so concerned I held out my hand for him to squeeze.

I smiled at him and lifted up my shirt, facing the mirror, turning to the side. My face hurt from the strength of my smile. "Look."

His eyed widened and he hugged me from behind, gasping into my neck, as I pulled his hands to my stomach. He automatically covered my hands with his, lacing our fingers together.

"Shit," he chuckled into my shoulder, sniffling.

"Don't cry," I teased, although I was tearing up right along with him. He playfully pinched me because of that, "You're doing the same, honey."

Just a few weeks later, Jacob and I still haven't gotten over the bump that keeps growing. We never will.

Until there's actually something new to obsess over.

We're curled up on the couch, both of us off of work for the rest of the day and I'm between his legs with my back to his front, checking off things from my "work" notebook. His hands are lazily traveling across my 'baby bump.'

"What are you thinking about?" I tease, tucking my pen between my lips to turn the page of my notebook.

"You and the baby," he chuckles. "Always." I can _feel_ his smile, even though his head is nowhere near me. I _know_ how big that goofy, beautiful grin is. I don't need to see him. It's in his voice. It's in the _atmosphere_, for goodness sake.

He jolts and pulls his hands away. I twist to face him, a little startled. "What?"

His eyes are wide and he's tense. "It moved."

I whip back around and look at my stomach, pulling my shirt up (his hands were under it just seconds earlier). "Oh my God," I gasp, nervously placing my hand, palm down against my abdomen.

But I can't feel it. I'm reasonably…_sad_ about this, but it hits me that Jacob can feel things like that more than I can. "I wish I could feel it," I whisper as we relax again and his hands return to my stomach when I lean back into his arms. "Is it…Is it still moving?"

I really hate calling our baby "it," but we have no idea what the sex is going to be yet. I'm almost positive it's a girl though.

He shakes his head and kisses my temple. "Nope. Maybe she'll move again soon..."

I can't help but grin. "You think it's a girl too?" I hadn't yet told him I thought that.

He's silent for a moment, then, "Yeah, I do."

* * *

_Pregnancy: Weeks 18-20_

Jacob's been really picky about who comes over lately.

I'm at the point where Kyle, Ashley, Angela, and I have decided I shouldn't work anymore until after the baby's born, so I don't have a lot to do. Jacob's working late hours to raise some money, even though I assure him we have enough from the Cullen's. He's not too happy about that, and insists he works to provide more for _his_ family, since I won't be working for a while. It's the first argument we've had since the wedding and instead of being upset over it, I'm actually quite happy it happened. We really _are_ married. We're _fucking grown-ups._

So, the girls can't all visit at once, and the guys, who are helping Jacob with a nursery for our kid, can't work often. They usually only work when I'm out of the house. Working here has begun to disturb the baby. She reacts to the sounds of tools and I'm forced to leave the house so she'll calm down. It's barely something I can feel, but she's there, and she moves occasionally.

And that's just it…_Her._

The doctor confirmed it just days ago. We're having a girl. Sarah Renee Black.

And, of course, following this news, I was thrown a baby shower (the only time Jacob let a lot of people in our house. Thank God for the porch though). One of the bedroom's we're going to use for our future kids when they're old enough is filled with baby shower gifts. Pinks and pastels in every corner. There are even dark colors too for a boy, since Jacob and I want _at least_ two kids, a boy and a girl.

It's not like we can force the gender of our next kid, but we'll be crossing our fingers when the time comes.

I'm with Autumn, now; she's keeping me company on the beach, both of us sitting at the water line, until the boys are done inside the house.

Her big sunglasses are perched on her nose and she's wearing a bright, multi-colored, two-pieced bathing suit only she could look beautiful in. I'm happily sitting in a flowing, white dress, my feet bare and toes digging in the sand, wiggling happily when the water washes over them.

She's really happy today and I can't help but ask the girl who's been there for me through the worst (and best) times of my life, "What's going on?"

I know it's not engagement or wedding related. She and Embry have no plans to marry, much less be engaged for another few years. They have all of eternity, or as long as they like, together.

She lights up instantly, like she was waiting for me to ask her that, and practically flings her sunglasses across the shore in haste to remove them so she can met my gaze. "Do you remember that discussion we had back at NYU? About me not knowing if I can have children or not?"

This is a really sensitive topic for her, so the fact that she's bringing it up and is so _fucking happy_ about it, lights a fire inside of me. I care for her more than I can ever put in words. "Did Carlisle finally come to the conclusion you could?"

"He did, remember, a few weeks ago? But, I was too afraid to try, to be honest." Her fingers dig into the sand.

Oh. "So…" I'm still a bit confused.

She faces me and I'm blinded by her "sunshine" smile. "I'm pregnant."

"What?" I lean forward, grinning. "Are you…serious?"

"It was by complete accident of course…we got a little carried away. Really dirty, loud, rough sex, if you know what I mean?" She winks.

I gag. "Oh God, please stop. I don't want to know anymore! That was enough." I playfully push her and she falls back, laughing.

I fall back beside her, shaking from laughing as well. "How far along?"

"10 weeks."

"Isn't that a little late to just be finding things out?" I raise an eyebrow, curious.

"It's different for everybody, even hybrids. But, Carlisle said the length of my pregnancy is the same as human beings so…yeah."

"Autumn," I roll on my side, lifting myself up to hug her before I fall on top of her, giggling at my own clumsiness as she wraps her arms around me and we roll to the side, locked in rather awkward embrace because of my protruding stomach. "This is so amazing!"

"I know! I never imagined I could come to this point…"

"No, I mean…" I sit up. "Not just because you can actually have kids, even though that's absolutely incredible…it's just…our kids can grow up together."

"Looks like Embry and I will be getting married sooner. I have no plans to outlive my kids."

"Oh my God that sounds like the most depressing thing in the world, but it's really not because you're both immortal." I return to my reclined position, resting back on my elbows. "This sounds like a soap opera or something." I laugh loudly, unable to contain it any longer.

"Well, we _do_ have the flair for the dramatic after all, being werewolves and vampires and all that insanity…"

I'm quiet for a moment, before a puff of laughter I'd been holding back escapes my lips. "Oh God, your kid is going to be out of this world! He'll be like half werewolf, one-fourth vampire, and one-forth human…or, I don't even know!"

"That is so fucked up!" She falls back again, laughing harder than before. We're just so _giggly_. "Bella, when did you get to be so funny?"

"Well my husband is quite the humorous man, if I do say so myself…"

"And arrogant too."

My mouth falls open in mock horror. "Are you insinuating that I'm…_full of myself_? Autumn!"

"Never!" She breaks into another fit of laughter before I find myself joining her again, clutching my sides as I laugh.

* * *

_Pregnancy: Weeks 27-29_

There's no other way to put it, but I'm _huge_.

Like, _really_ huge, and Jake has somehow been forced to tell me daily that I'm still the most beautiful person in the world and remind me that the weight will be gone after the baby's born. My breasts have increased in size too by a full cup and Jake can't seem to hide how that turns him on since they'll probably stay like that for a while, even after the baby is born.

_Such a boy. _

He has the night off, finally, and we're enjoying each other's company on the swing on the front porch, watching the water crash against the store. The moon is full and it's probably the most beautiful it's been out here.

I'm dozing off, and I've pulled myself out of it about six times already. Jacob's rubbing my belly too and it's calming. It's something he started to do often when the baby got restless and moved around.

"You're getting twitchy," he chuckles as I'm tugged from half-unconsciousness again.

I _feel _Sarah move within me. It's brief, just one shift of her limbs and then she's still again. Jacob instantly perks up; he must have felt it too. It's barely a whisper when I tell him. "Oh my God, she recognizes your voice."

"Say something," he says in my ear, voice low.

"Um…" I bite on my lower lip then raise my voice, feeling a little weird that I'm talking to _my belly_. "Sarah, that was daddy. I'm your mommy."

That gets quite the burst of movement from her. My belly literally _vibrates_ and my skin _shifts_. "This should be disturbing," I giggle, leaning back against him as we both watch in wonder.

"It really should be," he snorts, putting his hand on me. It's like she chases his hand as it glides over my skin. "It's kind of…wonderful, actually."

I can't help but laugh at how _cheesy and strange_ this moment is, but my eyes are flooding with tears because she's going to be in this world soon. And she's something that's solely ours. Not a house made by Jacob and the hands of his friends, not a business started by me and a few friends…she's just…_ours_.

* * *

_Welcome to the planet_

_Welcome to existence_

_Pregnancy: Week 39_

_(Jacob's POV)_

I can't even imagine how painful this delivery looked for Bella. The doctor's assured me that women can take a lot of pain- they're built for it, particularly in the area of giving birth.

He pain is hardly a thought that crosses my mind for long though (my hand is aching from her grip though), because after Sarah's cleaned and we can actually touch her, I can't fathom anything else except for this moment.

Bella's holding her, staring at her like she's a miracle.

_Bella_…who looks so exhausted and covered in sweat, her hair plastered to her face and back and shoulders, but still the most beautiful thing in the world to me.

But, she can no longer solely hold the title of most beautiful, because the baby, _our child_ that she's passing over to me to hold is the single most beautiful thing that's ever existed.

I didn't think I could do it, even during Bella's pregnancy, didn't think I could love someone more than I love her. Sarah's here though, and my heart is literally bursting at the seams, pounding in my chest, the second she's resting in my arms.

She's small, not even the length of my palm to elbow, and so lovely and fragile, with dark hair on her head with slightly tanned, but still pinkish, skin. I gaze back at Bella, who's watching me with a tired, but nonetheless full smile. My eyes are probably comically wide if her giggle is any indication, and I realize, yeah, I can love them both more than anything, or anyone.

I lean forward, carefully balancing such precious cargo as Sarah in my arms and kiss Bella's sweaty forehead. "I love you so much," I say, giving her that stare she knows all to well, before turning back to our baby and settling next to Bella on the bed, sitting up. I can't stop staring at the baby even as Bella whispers an "I love you too" back.

I hand her back to Bella because I'm so afraid I'll drop her I'm trembling so hard. Bella gently takes her in her arms, fingers running along Sarah's face and her face inches away from _our child_. I shakily lay beside Bella, my feet hanging embarrassingly off the edge of the bed, something we both laugh about.

I put my finger in Sarah's open palm and she immediately closes her fist around it. "She's so tiny," I whisper. I'm literally struck with so much awe that I can't say anything else.

I never thought I'd be here with Bella. I thought it would always be some distant dream within my grasp but never actually there, in my hands. It's been difficult, terrible, _heartbreaking_ getting to this point with her, but I wouldn't change a second of anything if it all led to this moment, to this _being_ in her arms, wrapped around my finger.

It's beautiful.

_It's perfect._

* * *

_For the tiniest fraction of that second, I saw the bobbing heads of two small, black-haired children, running away from me into the forest… -Eclipse, page 529_

_Five years later_

_(Bella's POV)_

"Sarah Renee and Jaden Matthew Black!"

She's up to no good again. It must be inherited from her father, or both of us, if I'm being honest.

She's stubborn, for sure, very much so, and she takes off, out of the house before I can catch her, Jaden hot on her heels.

Jaden's celebrating his third birthday today and he's been sticking his fingers in cake batter every time I turn away, and Sarah? Sarah cannot sit still.

They're both more than I could ever have imagined.

Both have Jacob's beautiful, silky black hair, although Sarah has my curls. They both have my eyes, but Sarah's the only one with my heart-shaped face, whereas Jaden got Jacob's strong jaw line.

Jaden…I'll be fending off women in about 12 years or less, I'm sure.

Jaden's got my skin though, and it's shockingly beautiful with his dark hair. He's younger, but almost as big Sarah is.

Sarah's skin is the exact same shade of Jacob's and she reminds me so much of him it's kind of scary, even if she's tiny like me. She's stronger than she looks though. She's strong like Jacob.

I can't help but laugh even as I chase after them into the yard. Jaden trips a few times, and I hide a giggle behind my hand because that I _know _he received from me. He stands up likes it's nothing though.

"That's my boy," I whisper, continuing after them.

Jacob's finally returned from his run on the beach and the sun is low in the sky. They're taking a shortcut through the trees to get to him, and I watch the backs of their black-haired heads bobbing with each push of their legs.

_Oh._

_Just like my vision._

I vaguely hear Sarah shout, "Daddy's home," before she launches herself into his arms. He picks her up and swings her around. Jaden's begging for attention, and Jacob easily scoops him up into his arms as well, showering them with kisses that make them giggle and twist to escape.

I'm still standing, rooted to the spot, thinking of that moment so many years ago when I finally admitted to myself I was in love with Jacob.

And here I am, watching _my family_, the family I have _with him_.

Jacob finally sees me, turning his attention away from the kids after he sets them down, smiling at me and nodding his head to come join them.

Sarah takes off into the shallow water, jumping over the tiny waves and Jaden hesitates to follow her, reaching his arms up for Jacob to take. He does, walking Jaden through the water. I can hear Jaden's childish, adorable laughter from here. Jacob's laugh blends beautifully with his.

For a moment, I feel like I'm trapped in that vision of the two black haired children. I don't want to be back to that moment, where everything was so different. Where _I _was different. Where this wasn't happening.

But, it's all real, and I'm happy, blessed, and_ perfect_.

As I hike up my dress and join my husband and my children in the water, taking Jacob's free hand as Jaden holds on to his other, Sarah running through the water to tug on my dress to follow her, I glance up at Jacob and he _knows_. He knows what I'm thinking.

This is my life. This is my choice and I am _forever_ changed. I will never go back to who I was, _where_ I was.

This it it.

This is who I am.

_Maybe redemption has stories to tell_

_Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell_

_I could see years passing, and meaning something as they passed, changing me. -Eclipse, page 529_

_Where you gonna go?_

_Salvation is here_

**THE END**

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**Final A/N. If you haven't read a single author's note I've written, please read this one at least**: I want to thank each and every one of you for reading and reviewing this story. I especially want to thank those of you who stuck aroundfor your patience and faith in me despite the long waits between some updates and the emotional rollercoaster this fic brought on. Drawn out angst with happy endings is my favorite thing ever, if you hadn't noticed. ;)

I am blessed and grateful for every single review I've received, but there is one person I want to give a special shout out to: **I'llBeWaitingInTheWings**, for leaving me essay long reviews for every chapter that never cease to make me smile. Another shout out to **Nikita**, for the artwork she made and dedicated to this fic (and those of you who also made graphics). It's a real honor to have someone so ridiculously talented make stuff with this story in mind. You can check out her artwork for NTL in my JB-n-Pack group for this story (linked in my profile). Also, another thank you to those of you who nominated and voted for this fic in competitions. Chimera won second place as coolest OC if I recall, and Bella won second place for best characterization.

I'm grateful for the experience I've had writing this and the conversations I've had with some of you. Your support and interest in this story is the only thing that kept me writing this until the very end. I refused to give up because of that.

I never imagined this fic would get so much attention and become one of the favorites on this side of the fandom, but here I am, many chapters and nearly 1500 reviews later. It's been a blessing writing this AU of Bella and Jacob, and watching them, and other characters, grow. Also, the love for the OCs I received, particularly Chimera and Autumn (and even Kyle, Brian, and Ashley) was not expected, especially in a world where people hate OCs. I enjoyed writing every single one of them, but I have to admit that those five listed above were the ones I enjoyed writing the most.

I'll be posting a discussion on JB-n-Pack very soon where you guys will be able to ask me any questions you want on this story. I'd love to share with you my inspiration behind the characters, etc, whatever comes to your mind you'll be able to ask there.

Where will I be now that this is over? I'll still be a member of JB-n-Pack, obviously, to participate in that discussion above and for you to talk to when you want. Feel free to message me, okay? But, I'm on my Tumblr (linked in my profile) almost every single day where I blog about beautiful people, Harry Potter, random stuff, Glee, other fandoms, and gay men…but mostly Glee and gay men. Lol. ;)

As far as fan fiction and writing goes? I am writing some things- an original story (er…that's what it's probably going to be) and a Glee fanfic, but they will likely never be posted, so even if you're interested, I apologize, because I'm writing them for myself more than anything.

Wow. This is really over.

Now, this is your last chance to review. Make it count! ;)

Thanks and hugs and kisses,

Mel


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